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Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, December 10, 1882, Image 6

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The Phelana had a baby. Tom sen! !
me a telegram announcing what he
called the happy event; for I had
known him since we were both at
school, where he waa generally called
the "Fat Boy," and many of the fellow*
entertained the rooted Idea that he was
the lineal descendant of the "frt boy" ;
whom Charles Dickens has immortal
I zed in "Pickwick."
Tom Phelan was not only a fat boy,
but, in accordance with the promise of
his youth, he became a fat young man,
with a mellow face like an over-ripe
pear, and an amply proportioned per
son. Indeed, it was because of that
genial, happy look and general air of
comfort whk'h his fatness imparted that
little May O'Kourke fell in love with
and Anally married him. For this suf
ficient reason Tom thought her the
widest woman of her generation, an 1
quite believed in his inner conscious
ness that uature had endowed her with
rare and admirable taste.
Twelve months ago I had acted as
Tom's best man ; he had asked me to
s>and by him to the last, and 1 did. I
saw him through the painful ceremony,
during which he was stared at in the
keenest way l»y all the bride's female
friends, iucludiug eight charming
bridesmaids, not one of whom during
the time vouchsafed me a glance; for
by comparison with the bridegroom I
was an uninteresting man,who had not
the heart, the tt»urage, the good taste
or the sense to take any woman for bet
ter or won**; therefore, In the presence
of this noble specimen of humanity, the
bridegroom, 1 was insignificant.
If ever a man was uncomfortable in
bis life. Tom Phelan was, under the un
interrupted gaze of these fair creatures,
and of the crowds of the bride's rela
tions assembled for the occasion, in all
their strength and glory, inside the
walls of 8t. Bride's Church, Dublin.
At the breakfast some one made a
long speech, in which so many magni
ficent things were said with so much
grandiloquence, that the bride began to
weep; and poor Tom, who thought it
his uuty to narmonize in all things with
the feelings of his new-made wife, was
about to allow himself to be overcome,
and shed a few tears also when he
caught the stern and reproachful gaze of
his newly-made mother-in-law, and
that one glance decided the matter and
stayed his emotion immediately.
I saw him through it all, poor fellow, as
1 promised. 1 was true to uiv trust, and
at the last moment, whilst the carriage
which was to convey him ami his bride
away, waited, I extracted a few grains
of rice which had lodged themselves in
his left eye, and picked up his best li it,
which had been rudely knocked ofThis
head by the blow of an old slipper from
some friendly but awkward hand.
So, a« 1 commenced by stating, they
had now a baby, and they made as
much fuss and excitement over the fact
as if it wen* the most wonderful, instead
ofthe most natural, thing in life. The
day after receiving the telegram I had
a letter from Tom, in which he de
scried the Infant as the finest bnby his
sisters, his cousins and his aunts—and,
collectively, their names are legion
had ever seen. It was a boy, and noth- |
ing would please him but that I should, |
a fortnight after the receipt of his letter, |
cross the channel and staud godfather
to bis first-born.
rso ttouiit ne conaiuereu ne i>aiu me a |
romplimeut, f»»r he seemed toiay great .
tfflittkW U'f f"''t nf '"v b»ing requested !
born,'' and gave rue to underntanit the
honor wuuld not be so great if I were,
in the coming time, asked to hold the
same position toward other little types
ot humanity that, in the course of years, I
he fully expected—uay, hoped—would
present themselves.
I would »k> anything to oblige an old |
friend like Tom Phelan, ev«u to getting |
seasick: so I crooned aver to Kiugstown,
suffering that malady In all its horror*, j
during which time I did uot exactly |
bless this young Phelan, on whose ac
count I had undertaken the journey.
My old friend was waiting for me on
the pier, his round, ruddy face beaming
with happiness, and brimming over
with smiles. I felt at that moment
that he must be a complete contract to
myself, lor m<tl de nwr always made mu
look the color of an unripe lemon, aud
certainly did not Improve my temper.
"Well, my l>oy," he said, seizing n»v
land, and jerking my arm up an J
down as if be had mistaken it for a
pump-handle, "How are you.
"Very l>ad. We have had a rough
night,** I replied, as briefly as I c >uld,
whilst I watched t*o porters disputing
for the possession of my portmanteau.
I Hiipjso-e Tom saw that I was yet suf
fering from tiie effects of my voyage,
and was .«on;ewhat out of sorts, for he
«ti«l not sjH-nk to mo for some time.
When he d!d, it ww in a tone of re
"Fitz, you have not asked me how he
is," he said.
"He—whom?" I inquired, rather
"Your little god son."
"Oh, of course; how stupid I am! I
beg your pardon, my dear fellow ; how
is he? All right I hope." t"If the
fond parent bail only heard my fervent
praytv for his heir a few hours ago," I
thought to myself, feeling for the first
time in my life a bit of a hypocrite.)
"He is a wonderful big infant, they
tell me," said the affectionate parent,
with an air of pride, aud some assump
tion of indifference.
"Is he?" I asked, with what. I hoped
was a tone expressive of the interest I
Tom was so good natured that he had
already forgiven me for my want of
"When is it to be, Tom?" I asked
"What ?*' he asked.
"The christening, of course." said I.
"Wednesday," he answered; "and we
have dccided t<» leave the select iou of
his name to you."
"My dear fellow, that is too much re
sponsibility ; if 1 gave ihe boy a name
he did not like, like Christopher or To
bias, or Alonzo or Simon, he would
never forgive me when he grew up, and
would hate me even unto the day of his
"What nonsense you talk, Fit*. You
pan talk it over with May, and come to
some arrangement.1'
"One question," said I abruptly, stop
ping in onr walk to the brougham that
was tscarry us to the comfortable hom*
of Tom; "shall I bavo to hold him at
the font?"
••Yes—that is, no; upon my life I cau
uot say. Why?"
"Because 1 have never held #>ne l»e
fore, and I am sure I should let it fall. 1
have never seen one—having no mar
ried relatives or frien«is—exuept in a
'bus or in a perambulator in the streets;
and I am rather afraid of them. I a n.
upon my life. I think they are all bad
tempered and bad mannered, and hive
a common habit of working themwlv.*■»
into frightful passions about nothing in
particular, just to plague people au 1
make them uncomfortable."
For answer my fat friend shook his
sides with laughter, and when he
like a baohelor, Fitz."
"You forget I have not had twelve
mothers' experience of matrimony," I
**hVo»iyB|»ug™eJ02*<>M mora al thto.
himself. "Take af word
for it, you don't know what comfort is
till you've married."
"I am not Tery miserable in my pres
ent state of blessed bacbelorhood, and
in no hurry to make a change," said L
"Then you are wrong, my boy. Do
vou know why I sent for you," he said,
looking at me suddenly, and, a» I
thought afterwards, speculatively.
"To stand gtdfalher to your son, of
"That is one reason; but I ha ve an
other. May and I have laid a plot.
I'm afraid fm spoiling sport by telling
you, but I'm hanged tr I can hold my
♦'I am the victim of your plot I sup
pose?" I inquired mildly.
"Yoa are, my boy. We want to
mike you an. happy as ourselvea by
marrying you to one of the brightest
slid best of girls. .She is just the one to
make you as happy as you could de
"I'noii my life, you are awfully good
both of yon, but 1 have no inclination
tojoiu the list of martyrs I mean
to inter into the holy bonds of mat
"We will say no more about her uutil
vpu we btr." . . .
* "When will that be?" I asked,
feeling rather curious to nee the woman
my friends had decided was to make ma
happy man. . ,
"On Wednesday morning; she i* to
be one of the godmothers." .
There was much ado about that chris
tening. The cake was of a gigantic size,
as if ordered"with a merciful considera
tion for the healthy apatite* of the
sifters, cousins and aunts of Tom I helan
and his wife. Tne previous night a din
ner was given to celebrate the event
more fitly. I was dressed early and
went down into the drawing-room,
where Tom was talking to Mrs. Mae
Fum a little woman, with a twinkle
in her eves, and a juvenile can on her
i head, wTbo prided herself on being con
nected with the family of the great Mc
Fums, to whom Briau Born himself
was hut an upstart, and the lords of
Kildare and Iieinster but "niushwuns,
l me dear, if it comes to that' as she
used to say, with a sense of prWe, ex
pre!«ed by a sodden backward jerk or
her bead, that made the lace of her cap
gutter airily, and the ri»ses tremble from
exaltation, in more aeuses than one, oil
their wire stems. When my host
introduced me, and she had nodded her
juvenile cap in recognition of my best
bow, she went on with the narrative of
what her dear friend Ijady Ariadne had
said to her when she was la* in I Lon
don, which Tom hud interrupted for
the purpose of introducing me.
' I saw that he was impatient to «et
I away, but there was no use in *tnvnig i
to stir from Mrs. Mac turn just then,
who started with a fresh anecdote of
what Tom Moore had told her he had
said to Lady Blesaingion, when she
sang "Believe me if all;" and so I w as
left to make my acquaintance with the
quests already arrivel, all of whom
were stranger* to me. „
"Charming «Uv this han
a young lady, who ev^leptly ti>ok pity
on my forlorn condition.
"Charming- beautiful, I repheii,
' looking at the s|>eakcr, who had the
I meet wonderful, gray-blue Irish eyes I
' had ever seen, which had now a merry
look in them they strove lu vaiu tocon
I ghe gave a p'eas.int, soft musical
laugh, when I had spoken.
"You forget that it has been raining
all day," she said, looking at me with a
iiuiz'/ing gaze.
"So it has," said I, rememl>ering the
fact, and laughing with her at my mis
take; all the while I felt myself blush
""I only >]x>ke of the weather to break
the conversational ice," she said.
"You are merciful," I answered,
wondering it*she was laughing at me.
"Ami" 1 saw vou were a stranger
to us. and Mr. Phclan is lieing instruct
ed in the pedigree of the MacFunis, I
suppose, and cannot get away for a
quarter of an hourta introduce you,
she said, with a friendliness that set me
at mv ease at once.
"Will you allow me to do myself
l,l think I can spareyouthetrounie,"
she replied in the most musical of
"You have come fn>m I.oudou to
stand godfather to baby?"
"I have," I answered, wonderiug
how she knew, ami watching with
pleasure the arclt look that suddenly
darted into her wonderful eyes. I be
gan to think that she had one of the
nnvt interesting faces I had ever seen.
Her li}* were red and saucy, and were,
I thought just then, made to kiss aud.
be kissed.
"Shall I point you out the godmoth
er*."'she asked, watching my face as
she spoke.
"No— that is, yes," I replied, think
ing of what Tom had told me, and just
a little curious to see his beau ideal of
my future wife.
"There she is at the other side of the
room, in a j*ray silk dress, talking with
the stout little man with the brown
"1>«> you mean—"
"Yes, that tall, angular lady, with
the little bunch of curls at each'side of
her face. She l»n<» been a beauty in her
day, awl lias just come in fir a thou
sand a year, since wbich time she has
I ad six projioeals of marriage, and ha*
Mood godmother to 133 children. He
fore she came in for that legacy, n» one
ever noticed her,ami, though her man
; in r- have not changed in the least, the
world has only nowjsuddenly discovered
f that she Is oue of the most amiable
women living. Now, I always kuew
that fact, and stated it openly, though
i no one would believe it."
• While my new friend spoke f felt that
■ she was watching my face keenly. This
, tl.en, I said to myself, was the womau
I whom Tom rhelan had assured me
would make me a happy man.
! The lady was at least twen
I ty years older than I was;
l»ut any disparity in that way Tom evi
deiitly thought would !>e made to me by
the tact of my future wife possessing a
I thousand a year I began to think that
my friend's character had undergone a
change. I had always considered him
far from mercenary; but probahly the
cares and expenses of his life had made
him regard money in a different light
from what he had done in the old days;
and he thought he would do me a
friendly turn l>v marrying me to a wo
man old enough to be my mother, be
cause of her wealth. When 1 consid
ered over these things I was sorry for
Tom l'helan. Marriage, I thought, had
not raised the tout* of his mind. I
looked at him then, and saw a cheerful
look on his round, pleasant face, as if
something had occurred that madehitn
very happy. Probably, I Maid mentally,
it is one «>r Mrs. MacFuiu's tale* that
makes this most good-tempered of men
delighted. When next I looked at my
neighbor shr, too, I thought, had a
merry expression In her eyes that I
seemed to spriug from a look" she ex
changed with Tom l'helan. .-5-3
"So that lauy is to be baby's go<f-'
mother?" T sju.» priWBtly, directing my
gaze to the lady gray silk, with the
lit tle bunch of curls, confined by a tor
toise shell coinb edged with a row of
iH sr'>, at eaeh. side of ht-r thin, pile
♦"Y«s. You must let me introduoe
you. Indeed y«<u must know her. She
is one of the l»est aud kindest of wo
1 h gan to wonder if my new friend
whs in th«* plot, too, and if she were en
gaged by Tom and Mrs. Tom to lend her
asoistance toward the desired eud of mar
rying me t.» t! is spinster. 1 felt as if I
should like to gi t up and run away
out of the house and out of the
toils. Uiat these good people evi
dently sought to ensnare me in;
but the" voice of this girl with the gray
blue eyes, that now sparkled with hu
mor and anon melted with tenderness,
almost in the same moment, &9only
Irish eyes can, held me prisoner. I was
unwilling to move from her side.
Though she did not tell me her nauo
she told me all about herself in a frauk,
naive manner that completed the
charm she held over me and m&de me
her laithfhl bondslave from that hour to
Bray duringhto^bMWj WMMooted
gS^SSilSt^^oi—4 «*
^ntheJSril'nWUfn the raidst of her
Then, wwdeniy Mved me once
confidential eha . ^ ^ auj be
more to cross the room v wa8 ^ be
with sad eye« and»^u inlroaUced
szv^vss^ tssfi
Tom PhoUn came up to me,
beamiug with smile*. luUDh t-,me in
•You have not l<*t »»uo" " .(l
making her acquaintance Fit*, «
^o," I answered dryly, understand
ing what he meant.
"What do you think of her.
ii, l(H.k«l at uk' with hia head <>n one
aide and a broad smile playing on
k^Think of her? Hhe U very amiable."
™You «m Re?in famously UWlher.
who i* the woman t<» make you uapp> .
old l>oy." This with an air of patruuuge
aud superiority. „ ., j humor
•"»n! "IV
do sometime to women tor rtw
husliand, though he is in India.
distance, my boy- .
,n 1ST S new friend sat opposite to
could see her bright face smilling
m" .M
had°uken doiX, »r"1 wh" u'!w "J1 I'8'
Occasionally she directed an odd sen
tiMirt' to me across the flowers.
When the dessert was over, my
• kka. in black velvet, with whom
Tom 1M elan had unnecessarily warned
mTnot toflirt because of her Wing a
husband in India, took up her fan and
SSS'» wave It gently to and
fr°Mlovr but it W «be M M J
voice at. suUlued as if she spoke in a
Cb"Yi* " I rej>iied, "the night is close,
but w* should not complain. I f we hud
to tiear the heat that your husband us at
ort'sciit enduring .
RuddcHly something went a-puti t
my new fr'ien-rs breath, then every one
ft i.iv end of the table became all at
once sUent, and I saw that though
this 1 had not the slighest idea, but that
something wrong had occurred then
tfcb instaut catight Mrs.
MacKum's eye, and rose from the tabic,
the other ladles followed. My neighbor,
whom I had taken down, was the last
Jorise and as she did so gave me a
withering look, which I long remem
\\ lion the u<x»r was closet! lom
Phelan threw himself back iu his
chair aud laughed until tin? tears rolled
alptooking at me the
"What in the joke?" I asked; "I
am out hi the eold."
"My dear fellow, Mrs. Carey, who
sat next you, is a" widow."
Iu a moment 1 saw the blunder I had
made. I had taken down the wrong
woman to dinner.
An hour afterward I had completely
forgotten my little mistake; for by some
chance I found myself by the side of
my new friend, who was seated at the
piano singing "Oft in the stilly night."
I turned the leaves of the music, bend
ing over her till I touched her once or
twice. Her voice was swft aud sweet;
it stirred me in a way I had never he
fore experienced, and made me strange
ly happy and sad almost in the satno
minute. When she had finished sing
ing, all whilst 1 was yet bendiug over
her on pretence of closing the book,
our eyes met for a seeoud; hers grew
soft and liquid, and seemed to melt into
a world of tenderness. My heart gave
a throb, and then I knew far better than
all words could say, that we two had
fallen in love.
When a man comes to make such a
discovery, a sense of delicious happi
ness tills l.im, and makes all the world
seem brighter than words which are
poor things at best—can tell. Three
hours piro and I had never met this
woman; then fate—accident—chance
call it by what name you will, had
flung us together; and a nameless look
in her eyes, some stray tone in her
voice, the touch of her hand, had woven
a charm for me that mocked at anil set
to fliRht my ideas of happy bachelor
hood ; that revealed to me feelings and
hopes which I had never known before,
and which made me feel that, come
weal or woe, this was the who must
walk by my side nil the days of my
life. Do the gods sport with men as in
the olden days? I asked myself.
Au tour after she had sung that song,
by some strange accident we found our
selves in the long rard-'ii that runs at
the back of Tom's house. It was a glor
ious night in June; the air was cool and
balmy, the smell of the flowers delight
ful; a young moou was in the cloudless
"Well, haw do 3-011 like Miss Fay?"
the girl who had taken my heart cap
tive asked, lookiug at me from uuder
her dark lashes.
"Very much; hut—but—may I say
Mv heart was terribly anxious to
"What?" she asked suddenly; but I
noticed her eyes did not meet mine.
"I like some one else better."
1 could hardly got the word* out.
"Probably you do-some one in Lon
"No, some one in Ireland, some 'me
who is standing besldo u»e now."
There was sib-nce in the garden after
I had spoken. She did not reply or
laugh, but raised tier eyes aud looked at
•me once; then I saw the color coming
' into her cheeks.
"I think 1 must go in now," she said,
presently, "or. they will miss me if they
want me to aing."
"Giveme a flower befoie yoa go?" I
pleaded to her, not daring to say mare.
She stooped down, plucked a red rose,
just touched her lips with it and ban Jed
it to me. When I lookod at her there
was the merry light in her oyes th*t I
had seen there when she first spoke to
me tkat evening. In another secial
she turned and ran toward the housv
I followed slowly. Just as I arrived
at the glass doors of the dining roxu
that communicated with the g;ar den. I
came suddenly face to face with Tom
"Well, Fit2, what are yon doing out
here?" he said with a smile that I was
ill-natured enough to set down in my
mind as a grin. He spoke as if he in
tended to express surprise, but failed.
"Doing? Looking at the moon," I
replied, staring up, as I spoke, in the
summer sky.
"Don't you think a pair of gray eyes
better worth looking at?" he asked, with
a merry twinkle in his own.
"Perhaps," I answered.
' I gay, old maa, you have behavtvl
capitally—better than I ever eipeeled
^There^waa a sadden change in hia
voice that struck me.
"You have fallen in love—don't deny
it—with the girl who will make you a
happy man. You have done just a* l
He placed his arm around my shoul
der, as be had often done when we
'•You made amistake there, Tom! I
have no desire to sell myself for a thou
sand a year." % . , ...
•'What do you mean?" he asked.witn
surprise shining iu his good natured nice
anaeycH. ..
"I have no desire to marry the wo
nan you were good enough to select for
roe— Mia* Fay." V . , ,
1\mm burst out laughing, tnis time,
holding his fat sides as if he feared he
should explode.
"What is the matter?" 1 asked when
he had done.
''You wilt be tlx? death of me, r iu, »
you go ou making these little mis
"I don't understand you.
"You cunning dog! Why have you
been flirting all the evening with kitty
Berfort? 1 saw you both out here two
minutes ago; and you have fallen in
love with her like a seusible man, jusias
] wanted you to do." » '
"My dear fellow, you said it was the
boy's god mother you had selected for
me, and that is Miss Fay."
"Miss Fay is one of them, Kitty Ber
fort is the other," and to emphasize his
words Tom Phelan struck me ou the
shoulder with a blow that made me
"You are a brick,'' I said to him,
seizing bis hand with enthusiasm.
poor good natured Tom Phelan! His
eves grew dim just for a secon.1, as he
returned my friendly «rasp.
"Tom," said I, "Hod bless your dear
1 spoke in such a grave, impressive
manner that the happy father burst out
laughing in my face. This. time 1
joined him heartily.
Before I left the Oreen isle, kitty
Berfort and 1 t>ecauie entraged. When
her father came back from India we
were married, and at our wedding
breakfast Tom Phelan—who, by the
way, had that week been presented
with remarkably fine twins—told the
story of my little mistakes.
The lumber market: If Modjeska is
a Pole it is clear that l^ngtry is a stick.
—Buffalo Express.
Really so: Hogg is the name of a
hotel proprietor in Hazelhurst, Missis
sippi,'and Hominy is the name of* an
other.— Atlauta Constitution.
A frozen fact: The prophet who
thinks everything will turn out accord
ing to his expectations should try turn
ing out molasses from a cold jug.—New
Orleans Picayune.
The latest of the Salvation Army
1 f you can't get in at the golden gate,
(;et over the garden wall.
Boston Herald.
Or a Hvron temperance society:
There is in New York a "Hawthorne
Dancing Club.'i The next thing iu or
der will Ih» a "Keats Athletic Associa
tion."—Buffalo Courier.
Business improving: "So your busi
niss is picking up, ell?" said a face
tious c obbler to a rag picker, who had
just commenced operations on au ash
barrel in front of his shop door. "Yes,
and I see yours is mending!" quickly
replied the ragged urchin, glancing at
the dilapidated boot in the line cob
bler's hand.—Yonkers Statesman.
The widow's grief: A young widow
to the marble cutter—"Tell me, must I
put on the tomb of my husband the
words 'Kternal regrets,' or simply "Re
grets?" ' "Ah, niadame," replied the
marble worker, with the most charm
ing smile, "that is for you to decide.
Does madanie think of marrying again
soon?"—French Wit.
A pleasantry in Kansas: One of the
I"*"1 aifyfayelSon Postmaster
Crum, of Oswego. They hired a hand
organ fiend to play in front of the post
ottice for three consecutive hours the day
after the election. Crum accepted the
situation without grumbling, although
he wears a boot of immense size aud
could have made it lively for the turner
of the crank.—Leavenworth Times.
A Ciipltnl Roffrfnce ofl'rcsenl and Fit
lure Interest, ami the Little Trouble
lo Jieenre It.
A bandy thing indeed to have in the
house will l>e the special edition of the
B. & O. Red Book, now in course of pre
paration. Tbe surprising results of this
year's elections all over the country
make a most interesting study when
presented in shape for ready compari
sons. Of more or less interest just now
in contrasting the past and the present,
the future as calculated from "the
might have been" will prove an all-ab
sorbing occupation to very many peo
In the new Red Book, which will
Ik ar tfie cleverly adapted title of "How
'Twss Pone," all the figures are from
official sources, being received under the
seal of the secretaries of the different
States, and therefore correct beyond
question. The comparisons and calcu
lations generally are made by experi
enced statisticians, and may be depend
ed upon as accurate. The soope of the
the little volume is something more
than ever before attempted in a politic
al text book, going much further into
details and summing up facts more con
cisely than the ordinary run of publica
tions. About everything that one
wishes to know is presented
clearly and intelligently. The com
parisons of the vote of this year with
the vote at the preceding elections are
full and complete, showing not only
majorities but losses and gains of Re
publican, Democratic, Prohibition and
(!reenliack vote. Where States have
been redistricted congressionally, the
comparisons an* made in districts as
now constituted, and Hi the remarks all
the changes in districts are shown, as
well as very much interesting data
relative to candidates, etc., etc.
The lsiok will be an iuvaluable refer
ence for use at coming elections, and
those who take any interest whatever
in politics should adopt means to secure
a copy now, as possibly when they want
it most th.» ediliou will be exhausted.
The mere trouble of inditing a miuest
to ('. K. Ijord, Baltimore, Md.. will in
sure the receipt of a copy of the book,
as no charge whatever is made for it.
Already a very large number of requests
have been received, and envelopes are
l>eing addressed a* requests come in, so
that the books may be forwarded im
mediately upon receipt from the
printer. No publication of similar
character can be produced for money.
Like all the B. A O. publications, it
will be a gem from a typographical
standpoint As an indication of the
value of tbe work, quite a number of
prominent newspaper publishers have
requested sufficient number of copies to
send to their entire list of subscribers at
their own expense. Any subscriber or
Patron of this paper will* have a copy of
the book sent hiiu by forwarding his
addreas, as hitherto stated, to Mr. Lord,
at Baltimore.
Arc Gilbert and HnlliTati R»«pontlble
Once I loved a liltle maiden,
Kro loaome and gay wa*»he;
Said I,"Prithee, pee'.tv maiden.
Will you, will yon marry m"?"
All her laughter "hen she silenoed.
And with looks and t»ne« polite
Hai ', "My stock of "Patience.' kind sir,
Yon have now exhausted quite
Then I tried har heart to soften,
Said I, sighing deep and long,
"You'll responsible be ever,
Kor a nobleman gone wrong."
But she answered, gay lr laughing,
Qivlnc me a wicked glance,
"Much I fear your woes are due, air.
To the 'Piratesof Peaxaaoe.'"
Then i tried the cool and lofty,"
Hald I'd leave her then and there.
Bald I'd «M**r so been treated
By a maiden, bow'er fair.
fin11 beard In tones derisive.
As I tamed Be from tbe door,
1 "Hardly ever,' you should say .sir,
It r>a from 'Ptaatoie't"
Topics of Interest io tfie Denomi
national World.
Miracles by Prayer—General Miscellaneous
Religious Notes and Gossip—
- Sunday Musines
IIimIm by Prayer.
The subject of faith cure# appears
now to be occupying a great deal of
public attention. That certain forms of
nervous disease have been alleviated, at
|«e»t for a time, through faith, need not
be disputed. All respectable physi
cians acknowledge the influence wluob
the will has over the physical condi
tion of mfto. And that a strong belief
in the efficacy of prayer and auointing
with oil should react ui>ou the physical
condition, is simply a physiologic*
fact Whether or not It is a spiritual
fact'is hardly within the province of a
secular journal to decide. Hut this at
; l?a*t may betaid: No cure has been
effected which may not In; explained
without bringing in a miraculous agen
cy When the advocates of faith cures
have produced a well-authenticated
case of a man with a compouud frac
ture of the leg, or a broken neck, hav
ing been once cured through the pray
er of faith, there will be some
thing tangible to discuss, not be
fore This matter has come up iu an
other way this week. A Professor
Brooks,of "this State, has requested that
prayers l»e offered up in all Christian
churches to-day for fair weather ou the
6th of December, when the transit of
Venus will occ nr. This represents the
extreme belief in a special Providence,
interfering with the settled laws of na
ture at the request of men. The other
extreme is to regard the universe as a
Procrustean cage of fate, whose laws
never change or vary. The former is
the position of the unscientific Chris
tian: the latter is the position of the
unchristian scientist. How the larger
truth t>ehind these two irreconcilable
propositions shall be reconciled, if at
all, is a problem that is exercising the
ingenuity of all truth-loving Christians
and all reverent men of science. In
the meanwhile, though faith iu the I n
seen mavnot cure physical maladies, it
sheds a light, on the darker passages of
human destiny that is a priceless bless
ing to uianv a weary son of earth. And
though prayer may not change even the
slightest of'the laws of nature, it
changes for good the .heart that rever
ently utters it, and lifts it above the
poor commonplace of mere animal ex
The recent mobbing of "Gen." Hooth,
of the English Salvation army, of Here
ford, recalls a good story of a stalwart
Kentucky preacher in the days "befo'
de wall." He was ouce conducting a
revival service, when he was annoyed
by the indecent conduct of a couple of
I rowdies. He went up to tlieiu ami
I rebuked them, when one replied: "We
heard that you work miracles, and we
| came to see if it is true." "No, sir."
said the preacher, taking off his coat,
"hut we cast out devils;" and he forth
with cast them out.
A young farmer who had been read
irg a book which stated that "woman
is the Sunday of man," thought lie
would compliment and please his wife
by shouting to her one morning, "Daisy,
j'ou are my Sunday!" Daisy glared at
him as though she imagined he was
daft, and then quietly said: "Dan, I
may be your Sunday, but I'm not going
to give you any rest until you buy nie a
bonnet that's tit to wear to church."
Dan now keept his quotations to him
self, but he was compelled to get the
"It's no use talking," said Deacon
Jones, "about ministers' sons never
amounting to anything. There's Par
son Biblepouuder s son, now as smart
and promising a young man as there is
in fnu'n " <t\Trv«. •
"but you know Parson BiblepounJcr
isn't much of a minister."
"1 wish you wouldn't talk so about
good people," said a woman* to her
husband. "They all have their failings;
but many of them will get to heaven
l>eforey:u do." "I sincerely hope so,"
was the curt reply. He was in no hurry
to go.
A quaint old minister was once asked
what he thought of his two sons, who
wore !>oth preachers. ''Well," he re
plied, "George has a better show in his
shop window than John, hut John has
a larger stock in his warehouse."
"Doctor," said Mrs. Pepper to her
pastor, "do you think a little temper is
wrong in a woman?" "Certainly not,"
replied the gallant clergyman. "On
the contrary, it is a good thing, and you
should ho careful to never lose it.".
Lightning struck the contribution
plate in a Western church just as the
deacon was passing it around. "This
is the first time anything has struck
this plate for three months," said the
deacon thoughtfully.
"Your Moody," said a French
materialist, who attended a meeting
held by the American evangelist in
Paris, "was the essence of moderation.
He did not say a single outrageous
iu Riving geography hysons down
east, a teacher .-iskeil a boy what State
be lived in, and was amused at tiie
reply, drawled through the boy's nose,
"A state of sin and misery."
The men ofTarshish could not have
made much out of the voyage in which
Jonah accompanied them, for they were
obliged to throw the prophet overboard.
Talmage has his doubts about Noah.
Don't see why they might not have had
a man in those days who could run as
good a menagerie" as Rarnum.
The shark is worshipped by some of
the dwellers along the African coasts.
Members of the bar should make a note
of this.
The revision of the Old Testament
will not be completed for six months
yet; but the world will go on as usual
till then.
What did Adam first plant in the
(iarden of Eden? His foot.
A new sect is gaining grouad in Fin
land having for its fundamental princi
ple the reversal of all ordinary idea* of
government and establishing all or
more than the most enthusiastic advo
cates of "woman's rights" ever pleaded
for. With them the woman is the
priest of the family, and the husband
undertakes to confess to her once a
week. A similar sect called the Purists,
exists in .Siberia.
The Synod of the diocese tf Sydney,
New South Wales, after long and anx
ious deliberation and the nomination of
a large number of Knglish clergyman,
has finally selected three namos to be
submitted to the Australian aurtTasma
nia bishops, who will choose one to be
bishop of Sydney, and, cousequentfy,
metropolitan of Australia and Tasma
nia. The three names thus chosen are:
Dr. Parry, Rishop of Dover; Canon
Fleming, and the Rev. R. Appleton,
fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge.
There are reasons, however, for believ
ing that the Bishop of Dover would not
feel justified in accepting the appoint
ment if offered to h im.
•Hie old hath at Trichinopoly, Mad
rap, India, in which Bishop Heber lost
bis life, suffers from neglect, and steps
have been taken by the English gov
ernment to secure its preservation. It
has t>een directed that the bath stiall be
protected by an ornamental iron railing
placed at a sufficient distance to prevent
interference with the water. The bath
will retain its original character, and is
to be kept filled with water. On a aide
■wall is to be set up a slab bearing the
following inscription: "In memory of
the devoted, accomplished, beloved and
universally honored servant of Ood,
Reginald Heber, D. Dl, third Bishop of
Calcutta, and one of India's truest and
most loving benefactors, this atone was
erected in the year 1882, at the expense
of the government, on the margin of
the bath in which he wa« drowned
while bathing oa April 3,
body wan laid under the chancel of Hie
Church of St. John, Trichinopoly, in
Lbe hope of the resurrection of the just
to eternal life through Jesus Christ.
A history has been published lately of
the Roman Catholic Archbishop of
Tuam, from which it would seem that
the prelates of the diocese long had a
h8rrt time of it. Here is a description
of the celebration of mass there ou
Cromwell's day: "On a Sunday morn
ing a portable altar and a vestment box,
generally painted red, were brought
into some convenient sand-pit, roun l
which multitudes gathered. Thapriert,
without cap or sou tone, hurried on his
vestments. The lights oo the Iropra
\ised altar were ruahesdipped ingrea*,
stuck in raw potatoes and placed in lan
terns, which served as candlesticks.
Scouts were stationed around, and raa^s
was hurried through as quickly as pos
sible. One of these mass sand-pits still
exists near Tuam. lf .... .
. Pastor Dalrymple, of the Metpodist
church at Homers, Conn., is endanger
ing his income by opposition U> social
kiswng. His salary is raised by enter
tainments In which kiss games are a
ft alure; but he has taken a firm stand
against such diversion, thus cutting off
an important source of reveuue.
Rev. Dr. Boyd, the most prominent
Baptist clergyman in SU Louis, being
asked al»out the progress of prohibition
ideas in Missouri, the other day, replied
that he was not a prohibitionist and
therefore was not well posted in regard
to the movement.
Mr. Spurgeon, when asked to support
I a certain school-board candidate on the
ground that the man belonged to the
Blue-Ribbon army, replied: "Do vou
think I am going to support a donkey
just because he has a piece of blue rib
bon on him?"
Of the ten Baptist "divinity colleges"
or theological institutes in Great Britain
only four are of the regular or strict
communion type, namely—the three
in Wales and that in Manchester, Eng
The members and friends of the
churches of this country contribute an
nually $106,962,000, $75,H62,M66 of which
is used for church purposes and 1,
3:50,140 for benevolent purposes.
The Rev. Dr. Jeffery, the most popu
lar preacher in Denver, some time ago
accepted the presidency of a mining
company and is said to have made a
large sum of money.
Missionaries in Greece preach as much
by priut as by voice. The people all
read, and their moral and evangelical
literature is supplied by Protestants.
In the religious census of Victoria
three persons are credited with holding
to the religion of "£ s. d."
There are now nearly seven hundred
Chinamen in the New York and Brook
lyn Sabbath schools.
The Jesuits driven from France have
established themselves in considerable
numbers in Turkey.
A picture is a poem without words.—
It is only those who are despicable
who fear being despised.—La Rouehe
Nothing more detestable does the
earth produce than an ungrateful man.
A man's own good breeding is the
best security against other people's ill
Trust him a little who praises all,
him less who censures all, and him least
who is indiflerence about all.—Lavater.
The man who will live above his
present circumstances is in great danger
of living in a little time much beneath
Men are sometimes accused of pride
merely because their accusers would be
proud themselves if they were in-their
A man should be careful never to tell
tales of himself to his own disadvan
tage , people may be amuseu and laugh
at the lime, but they will be remem
bered, and brought up against him upon
some subsequent o"casion.— Johuson.
Drew* has a moral ellcct upon the con
duct of mankind. Let any geutleman
find himself with dirty boots, old sur
tout, soiled neckcloth and a general
negligence of dress, he will, in all prob
abiJjty, tind a corresponding disposition
by negligence of address.— Sir John
Many people are esteemed merely
becausc they are unknown.—From the
Thoman who builds ami want* therewith to
Provides a home from which to ruu away.
— )'oung.
Friendship is the only thing in the
world concerning the usefulness of
which all mankind are agreed.—('icero.
Wherever I tind a great deal of grati
tude in a poor man, I take it for grout
ed there would be as much generosity
if lie were a rich man.—Pope.
No flattery, boy! An hone*t man can't live
by it;
It i*a little wcaklng art which knaroH
Uic to c»Jolo and soften fool* withal.
If thou hast flattery In thy nature, out
Or Hcud It to a court, for 'twill thrlvo.
To men addicted to delights, business
is an interruption; to such as are cold
to delights, business is an entertain
ment. For which reason It was said to
one who commended a dull man for
his application. "No thanks to him;
if he had no business be would have
nothing to do."—Steele.
Were I to make a trial of any per
son's qualifications for a union or so
much delicaoy, there is no part of his
conduct I would sooner signal out
than toolaerve him in his resentments.
And this is not upon the maxim fre
quently advanced. "That the best
friends make the bitterest enemies,"
but on the contrary, because I am per
suaded that be who is capable of being
a bitter enemy can never possess the
necessary virtues that constitute a true
The drying uj> a Mngle tear baa more
*Of bonoat tame, than shedding (tea* of gore.
_ — Rpron.
A catamount shot noar Mobile, Ala.,
a few days ago was twenty-one inches
in height.
An enormous bear is running in the
woods about Athens, Tenn. its quar
ters are supposed to be in Eaatauallee
Near Greensboro, N. O., one day last
week, a huge wild cat sprang at Joseph
Morehead. A uuick draw and well
aimed shot saved the man.
Last week a party of hunters on
South Mountain, near Ilockbridge
Baths, Va., found a man's bones, lrom
which the flesh bad t*en torn. Tracks
and other signs indicated clearly that
the man had been devoured by pan
At no time for many years have deer
been so plentiful in the "big woods"
near Kane, Pa., on the Philadelphia
and Erie Hailroad, as they are this sea
son. The reason given by the hunters
f*r the unprecedented number is that
during the hunting season last year
very few were killed, owng to the
scarcity of the snow. On Monday one
man snot six, and tiie same day two
hears were killed.
An honest man: A countryman
stepped into a Broad street fruit store
and invefeted in a nickel's warth of
chestnuts. In a>>out half an hour he
returned and bauded the proprietor ooe
of the nuts. "What does this mean?"
asked the dealer. "Weil," remarked
the customer, "that is the soly sound
chestnut I found is the pial, and so
thought you had put it tn by mistake.
I am an honest man and don't want to
take a mean advantage of a fellow."—
Athena (Ga.) Banner. „
"What are you ahraya thinking
atxrat, Ida?" "I am always thinking
abtut nothing, aunUe. I never think
about anything, unless I happen to
think of somothiag to think about?*1
Artm toytoyH Utakaam «*• Ckm
- WkittkaU Rcriew.
TTw prevalent and Increasing short
sightedness of our times is, perhaps,
partly the cause of the excessive use of
rouge and powder.' The wielder of
the powder puff sees herself a&r
off, as it were. She knows that she om
not judge of the effect of ber complexion
with her face almost touching it* reflec
tion in the glass, and standing about a
yard off, she naturally accentuates her
roses and lilies in a way that looks rery
pleasing to her, hut is rather startling
to anyone with longer sight. Nor oan
she tone down her rouge with the pow
dered hair that softened the arttnoial
coloring of ner grandmother when she
had her day. Powder is only occasion
ally worn with evening dress, and it is
•by daylight that these dreadful bluish
reds and whites look their worst.
Oh the other hand, there are some
women so clever at making up tbeir
fact* that one almost feels inclined to
condone the practice in admiration of
the result. These are the small minor
ity. and are like.'y to remain so, for their
secret is of a kiwi unlikely to be shared.
The closest inspection of'these cleverly
managed complexions reveals no trace
of art.
Not witbstandingthe reticence of these
skilled artists, au occasional burst of
confidence has revealed a few of their
means of accomplishing the great end
of looking pretty. "I)o you often do
that?" said one of these clever ones, a
matron of thirty-seven who looked like
a girl of nineteen, toa friend who was
vigoroiaily rubbing her cheeks with a
coarse towel after a plentiful application
of cold water.
"Yes, every time I come in from a
walk, ride, or drive. Why?"
"Well no wonder you look older than
3 0U are. You are simply wearing vour
self out!"
"Hut 1 must wash?"
"Certainlv, but not like that. Take
a leaf out of my book; never w^ish your
faec ju«t before going out Into the fresh
air, or just before coming in. Nothing
is more injurious to the akin, Come to
the glass. IX) you notice & drawn look
about the eyes and a general streiklnoss
in the cheeks?- That is the result of
vour violent assault upon your complex
ion just now. You look aithis moment
ten years older than you did twenty
minutes ago in the park."
"Well, i really do. I look old enough
to l»e your mother; but, then, you are
wonderful. You always look so young
and fresh!"
"Ikrause 1 never treat my poor fkee ho
badly as you do yours. I use rain-water,
and if I cannot ge» that I have the
water filtered. When I dress for dinner
I always wash my face with milk, add
ing just enough hot water to make it
pleasant to use. A very soft sponge
and very fine towel take the place of
your terrible huckaback arrangement."
ltimmel, the celebrated perfumer, in
his "Hook of Perfumes," says that
rouge, being composed of cochineal
and saffron, is harmless, but that white
cosmetics consist occasionally of delete
rious sulwtauccs which may injure the
health. He advises actors and actresses
to choose cosmetics, especially the
white, with the greatest care, and
women of the world, who wish to pre
serve the freshness of their complexion,
to observe the following recipe: Open
air. rest, exercise, and cold water.
In getting up the eyes, nothing is in
jurious that ia not dropped into them.
1 lie of kohl or kohol is unite harmless,
and it must be confesses, very effec
tive when applied—as the famous
reefne for salad dressing enjoins with re
gard to the vinegar—by the hand of a
miser. Modern Egyptian ladies make
their kohol of siuoke produced by
burning almonds. A small bag hold
ing tlu* little of kohol, and a pin with
a pounded point, with which to apply
it, form a part of thw toiiet para
phernalia of all the beauties of (Wo,
who make the immense mistake of get
ting uj) their eyes in an exactly similar
manner,thus trying to reduce the end
less variety of nature to one commou
!>«UU*JU, a llilMiiKu that tituy l»u JtivoflM
ted for by the fact that the Arabs be
lieve kohol to l>e a sovereign aiiecific
against ophthalmia. Their English
sisters often make the same mistake
without the same excuse. A hairpin
fltcened in lampblack is the usual
method of darkening the eyes in Eng
land, rctihution following sooner or
later 111 the shape of a total loss of the
eyelashes. Eau de Cologne is occasion
ally dropped into the eyes, with the
effect of making them brighter. The
operation is painful, and it is said that
a half drops of whisky and the same
quantify of eau de Cologne, eaten on a
lump of sugar, is quite as cflVctlve.
Canada is issuing batik notes of the
denomination of $4.
Jay (Jould's income from Western
Union alone la $3,500 a day.
The Dwyer brothers won $74,340 dur
ing the nu ing season of 1882.
New York's 2,000 rag picker* do au
annual business of $30,000,000.
AI)out $7,000,000 worth of neckties are
worn in the United States ever/ year.
The total cost of the last election In
New York City Is estimated at 1225,000.
A New York merchant who failed in
1857 has just paid, with interest, the hut
dollar ol his indebtedness.
A lot of Confederate bonds, amount
ing to $145,000, was sold recently at
$12 50 per thousand.
An industrious Nashville girl hemmed
and marked 100 napkins and 200 towels
in a single day.
Rats bit the wife of Rev. G. W. Ra
ker on the arm while she was a guest at
an Atlanta hotel. Mr. Haker sues for
$10,000 damages.
(Jeorge liushnell, of IjakcvfHe, Ct»,
sold $2,000 worth of apples and peara
this year from an orchard planted by
his father thirty years ago.
Rams of choice breed fetch from $1,000
to $2,000 in Australia, while first-das*
mutton wills in Adelaide and Sydney
for 37 eents the atone—fourteen pounds.
A New York banking house lias
made a blanket loan or $1,000,000 in
Yazoo county, Mississippi, wliich is
there to bo sub-divided and lent out to
planters for the improvement of their
During the last cotton picking season
a negro woman, eighty years old, made
more money than any other laboring
person in Madison, Ga. Hhe picked 200
pounds of cotton every day aod spun a
cut of cotton thread before breakfast
every morning.
On Thanksgiving Day a young man
named Stewart called at the shoe store
of a Mr. Pa ton, on Queen street, Toron.
to, snd surprised the dealer by offering
to pay for a pair of boots purchased by
his father nineteen years ago* The boy's
father had received the boots op credit
and shortly afterward died, leaving the
bill unpaid. The young manmentioned
was then a child of two years of age
and his widowed mother was left In
poor circumstances. The shoo dealer
bad years ago forgotten ait aboat the
circumstance and his astonish men! may
be imagined.
According to a theatrical manager,
whom a New York Htai reporter held by
the buttonhole for an hour, John E.
Owens is paid $W a week; Agnes
Hooth, $150; Tom Wblflen, $150; EflUe
Kllsler, $75; W. J. PtergtMon, $160;
Charles Rowser, $75: Miss Turner, $75;
Louise Dillon, $5$; Sydney Oowell,$0Q;
Kdmufid Collier, $100; Joe Ha worth)
$50; / da Rehan, $K&- Jamea Lewia,
$100; Jofcn Drew, $75- Harry Pitt, $»;
Charles Thome, $250; Prederfek de
Helleville, $125* JL H. Stoddard, $150;
John Pirselle, $100; Bars Jewett, $150;
Maud Harrison, $75; WaMen Ramsey,
$80; Mrs. PbitthM, $80; John Gilbert!
200; Osmund Tearle, $000; Harry ft)*
warda, $100; William Herbert, «l00;
William Elton, $00; Eflie German, HO;
Willhim Carleton, $200; SHIna Dalaro.
$W; J. H. Ryley,$150; Richard Mwv
lMd, $125: Mme. Cottrally, $125; Jebo
; Howaon, $150; Laura Joyo<>, $100; L'l
I Uan BwnU, $100; Robert ManteP, $100.
vew. If any, repeal of their slUmv,
snsny their talk.
Wed no woman la whom you e«®
And ao flaw.—Gaelic.
A ebeerftil free to nearly as good for
an invalid •» healthftil Weather.
It Isn't rnee alone, bnt the tooth, u><»
that helps oat the to*.—Russian.
The lieetrnt life to that whieh hi4
hm, the moet mM, and has performs
[^allotted tasks cheerfully and veil.
Every nun has three charaetew-tlut
which he eahlbita, that which he has,
aud that which he thinks he lias.--A.
Karr. ■*
Tt>« culminating point of admlnutrs
lion to to know well How much power,
or unall, we ought to use in ill
oiwnmetanceB. -Montenquisu.
"A blockhead, la judglug of other.,
m«v poariMy transport himself iuto
ihelr nlsee. but never into their m*t».
ncrofttoong*1101 feeling.—Marie
The life of a man while in the body U
of such a nature that he cannot advance
farther than to love bin neighU>ra«
himself, because he Is in corporeal pr.n
cinles; angelic love is to love our neigli.
bor more than ourselves.-.8wcdenl><»r)c.
Pride to as loud a U-ggnr as want, and
a (rreat deal more saucy. When y.vi
have bought <^e tine tliiug, you mw
buy ten more, that your sppearatkv
may be all of a plow; but it is easier t ►
suppress the first desire than to satisfy
sll that follow it.—Frauklin.
The divine love of the Ix>rd is intln
itc hi* divine wisdom is infinite; and
infinite thing* of love and wisdom j»r>>
o«ed from the Lord, and flow iuto all
the heaven, thence Into all in hell, and
from both Into all in the world. Those
infinite things that proceed from the
IajhI flow not only universally, hut als.»
most particularly; for the Divine U
universal, existing in thing* tin- ma*
All the elements of life and being
come from Clod, Isvause he alone is of
himself; all these elements are elements
of his life. Imparted to his creatures to
be their life. We have already mid
that this Is true freedom, and not more
lew true of freedom than till the other
elements of Divine life. Hut It is of the
very essence of freedom, that what is
thus freely given should Ik* freely re
ceived; should Ih« received t»y voluntary
acceptance, choice and self-determlna
tion. In this truth we have a key which
solves many of the most difficult prob
lems of human nature and destiny. -
Theophilus Parson's "Dens Homo."
Once the soul, traveling with its spir
itual guide, which is Faith, came to a
blight, happy Un«l when* It was eternal
snrimr and flowers fairer and purer and
far more fragrant than the ilnwenof
earth clothed the land in uever-fading
Iteauty. And the land was peopled
with the loveliest of the Angel r.wv.
They floated among the fair forests, and
plucked the sweetest and most hMutl
ful of the flowers; then afar oil tin >
wandered through the infinite realm* of
«ice, and laid them on the s.n.Uof
those who were to Vh> taken earl) to
heaven, that they might Ik? more beau
tlful and angel-like in life. And this,
Hald Faith, "Is the etenu missiou of
these guardian angelsof childhood: and
these are they who died too early to
Yes, thank «nd. there is rat--nun)
an interval of eldest, sweetest -
here when it seems as if eveuing
breezes from that other land, laden with
fr«i?rHUce played upon the cheeks and
lldSd the' heart. There are times, s ven
on tl'e stormy sea, when a gentle whto
j>er breathes softlv as of
Sends Into the soul
which can never again wholly a»e,eviu
smidst tlie Jar and whirl of wa.ktn« life.
H w such whispers nuke the Wood
ir iWr V"'
rZ as all the low shore dlsapi^ar..
Caving only a ft* rock points visible at
high tideF. W. Robertson.
Force of habit: "Stranger (to n will
er landing iu front of it restaurant*:
••(.'an you tell me where Dr. Mayer
live*?" Waiter: "Very sorry—but if
you care to wait about fifteen minutes
we shall havenonio frcnh Hau*agcs with
eauer kraut."—Hllegende Blatter.
Personal item: Hank Monk, wlwso
ride with Horace Qrecley madu hint
famous, If) dead, is dying, it living at
Jjike Taboo anil various other places,
and no two correspondent* tell the*ainu
thing about It. lie seems to lie an un
satisfactory aa a polar expedition or an
off-year election.—Burlington Hawk
A tough bird: The following I* the
reply of a fond father, who had juvt re
ceived a letter from his son, a student
in bis own alma mater: My dear son -
Accept my heartleat congratulations. I
was engaged to the same Miss Hunter
when I wax in college and can appreci
ate the fUn you arc having. (k> it while
you aro young. Your loving father. -
liowdoin Orient.
Kxplalnlng bis defeat: "The reaeon
you were not elected, ray dear, was be
cause >ou did not look at the new
moon over your left shoulder," tald Uie
superstitious wife of a defeated Austin
.candidate to ber husband. "That's all
you know about American politic*. I
might have got down on all fours and
looked backwards between my legs at
the moon for two aolid hours and it
would not have done me any good. I
ought to have chartered anotlier saloon
and hired a man to stuff the ballot
box."—Texas Hi flings.
Woman'* institution: An Aurtin
candidate, who had a number of o««
groes employed ou bis place, had an
old musket In the |bou*e which bad
been loaded for about three years. Aa
be wanted to load It up for duck* lie
called Jim, one of the negreea- to take
the gun out into the yard and Are it off.
"No, don't let Jim Are that gun off.
He la going to vote for you to-morrow,
and the gun may burst and kill him.
Tell Jake to take the gun and tin it oft
I've got my doubt about bow be is go
ing to vote!" exclaimed the candidate's
wife, with the quick Intuition of a wo
man.—1Texas Sittings.
A sharp passage: A certain lawyer
of this city, well-known for bis power
of repartee, bad lieen down to Hallna
to try a case. Retiming to the towa
the conductor waa very Imperti
nent in hi* manner because the lawyer
waa rather tardy !■ producing bis tick
et when called for to be punched.
Homewhat raffled the lawyer remark**
to a friend next to him: "The Houtn
ern I'adflc shall never see a cent of nur
money after thla." "Going to foot »
op and dowa from now ou, oh f sneer
ed the eondootor. "Ob, no." replied
lhe lawyer, quietly; "instead of buying
my ticket at the offloe I shall pay my
fare to you."-Virginia City Knterpriae.
JHai Ms ijmAtm Tndk.
Prinoeaa Louise started in
Ufa with the determination not «o >*
the rival, on their own ground, of
crmte» wive*. There waa to be oomlsrt
aa well aa elegaoee to her esUbU*
ment, hat no net station- At 'y1''—
Hall, her %i1in official abode,
sheaflfeeta more alate.
after there Is aa Informal dinner. wkiak
rap fcarf."
terae Mthe scrap
piald la In attendance, and
snug aa4|>well eserwd. and ealiveosdh^
the ehemr honaee and mttb of UV
Hophla MaeNaaaanL who la mow f
" VaTsSTt
U?him to airi^aa*
p after bard DaHfr
to had yma W.

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