South Bend news-times., July 24, 1913, AFTERNOON Edition, Image 2

About South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938

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PAW
y JOSEPH C. LINCOLN
1
TWO
OF
B
DON'T exactly know
why Cap'n Jonadab
end mo went to the
post office that
night; we wa'n't ex
pectin' any mall,
that's sartin. I
guess llkelywe done
It for the Teason
pjlll
the feller that
tunb!ed overboard went to the bottom
'twas the handiest place to go.
Anyway we was there, and I was prop
pin up the stove with my feet and hold
In' down n chair with the rest of me.
when Jonadab heaves alongside flyln' dis
tress signals. He had an envclopo In
his starboard mitten, an. com!n to an
chor with a flop In the next chair, sets
shlftln the thins from one hand to the
other a3 if It 'twas red hot.
I watched this performance for a spell,
waltln for him to say somethin', but he
didn't, so I balled, kind of sarcastic, and
tays: "What you do!n' playln' soUtaire?
Which hand's ahead?"
He kind of woke up then, and passes
the envelope over to me.
"Barzllla." he says, "what in time do
you s'pose that Is?"
'Twas a queer lookln' envelope, more'n
the average length foro and aft, but kind
of scant In the beam. There was a pud
dle of red sealln' wax on the back of It
with a "D" In the middle, and up in one
corner was e kind of picture thing in
colors, with some prlntln in a furrln lan
guage underneath It. I b'llevo 'twas
what they call a "coat-of-arms," but it
looked more like & patchwork comforter
than It did like any coat ever I see. Tne
envelope was addressed to "Captain Jona
dab Wixon. Orham. Mass."
I took my turn at twlstin the thing
around, and then I bands back to Jona
dab. "I pass." I says. "Where'd you get
it?"
"'Twas in my box." says he. "Must
have come in to-nlght'a mail."
I didn't know the mall was sorted, but
when he says that I got up and went over
and unlocked my box. Jest to show that
I hadn't forgot how. and I swan to man
if there wa'n't another envelope. Jest like
Jonadab'a, except that 'twas addressed to
"Darzilla Wingate."
"Humph!" says I, comln' back to the
etove; "you ain't the only one that's
heard from the Trlcce of Walc3. Look
here!"
He was the rco3t surprised man, but
one, on the Cape: I was the one. We
couldn't make head nor tail of the bus
ness. and set there comparln' the en
velopes, and wonderln who on earth had
sent' em. Ptetty soon "Ily" Tucker heads
over towards our moorin's. and says he:
"What's troublln' the ancient mariners?"
he says.
"Barzllla and use's got a couple of let
tere.M says Cap'n Jonadab: "and we was
wond'rln' who they waa from.
Tucker leaned away down he's always
Eulfrin' from a rush of funniness to the
face and he whispers, awful solemn.
"For Heaven's sake, whatever you do,
don't open 'em. You might find out."
Then he threw oft his main-hatch and
"haw-hawed" like a loon.
To tell you the truth, we hadn't
thought of openin 'em not ylt so that
was kind of one on us, as you might say.
But Jonadab ain't so slow but he can
catch up with a hearse if the horse stop
to drink, and he comes back quick.
"Ily." he says, lookin' troubled, "you
ought to sew reef-points on your mouth.
Taln't safe to open the whole of it on
a windy night like this. Fust thing you
know you'll carry away the top of your
head."
Well, we felt conslder'ble better after
that havln held our own on the tack,
so to speak and we walked out of the
post office and up to my room in the
Travelers' Rest, where we could be alone.
Then we opened our envelopes. 6llck and
smooth as a mack'rel's back, and inside
of that wah a letter, rrlnted. but lookln'
like the kind of writln that used to be
in the copybook at school. It said that
Ebenezer Dillaway begged the honor of
our presence at the marriage of his
daughter, Belle, to Peter Theodosclus
Brown, at Willamead House. Cashmere-cn-the
Hudson. February three, nineteen
hundred and so forth
Wc were surprised of course, and
pleased in one way, but in another we
wa'nt real tickled to death. You sec,
'twas & good while senco Jonadab and
me had teen to a weJdln', and we knew
there'd be mostly young folks there and
a good many big-bugs, we presumed like
ly, and 'twas goia to cost conslder'ble
to git rigged not to mention the price of
passage, and one thint a' 'nother. But
Ebenezer had tcok the trouble to write
us. and so we felt 'twas our duty not to
disappoint him. and especially Feter. who
had done so much for us. managln the
Old Home House at Wellmouth Port.
I've told you already how the Old Home
Houpe come to be started, and how Feter
T. Brown dropped in from nowhere and
made such a howlin success of the thing,
and how he got engaged to the star
boarder, Ebenezer Dlllaway's daughter
Dillaway of the Consolidated Ca3h Stores.
Well, we 6ee 'twas our duty to go,
o we went. I had a new Sunday cut
away and light .pants to go with It. so
X fingered that I was pretty well found,
but Cap'n Jonadab had to pry himself
loose from conslder'ble money, and every
eent hurt as It 'twas nailed on. Then
2:e hal chilblains that winter, and all
the way over in the Fall River boat he
was fu:nln about them chilblains, and
adiin up cn a piece of paper how much
cash he'd 5p?nt.
Wo struck Cashmere-on-the-Hudson
about thre o'clock on the afternoon of
the day of the wcddla'. 'Twas a little
country kisl cf a tow n, smaller by a good
df r.l than Oih.im. and fo we cal'latod tha?
p'hap. ?fter all. the affair wouldn't bo so
fwrlastin tony. But when we hove in
riht of Dlllamcad Ebenezer's place we
rhyrtcned gall and pretty nigh drew out
of the race. 'Twas up on a high bank
over tho river, and the house itself was
bigger than four Old Homes spliced to
gether. It had a fair-sized township
around it in the thape of land, with a
high stone wall for trirnmln on the edges.
There was trees, and places for flower
beds in summer, and the land knows
what. We see right off that this was the
real Cashmere-on-the-Hudson; the village
folks were stranded on the Rats old
Dillaway filled the whole ship channel.
"Well," I says to Jonadab. "it looks to
me as If we was gittln out of soundin'3.
What do you say to comin' about and
makln' a quick run for Orham again?"
But he wouldn't hear of it. "S'pose
I've spent all that money on duds for
nuthin'?" he says. "No, sir. by thunder!
I ain't scared of Feter Brown, nor her
that's goln to be his wife; and I ain't
scared of Ebenezer neither; no matter if
he does live in the Manufacturers Build
in', with two or three thousand fathom
of front fence," he says.
Some years ago Jonadab got reckles3
and went on a cut-rate excursion to the
World's Fair out in Chicago, and ever
sence then he's been comparln' things
with the "Manufacturers Bulldln'" or
the "Palace of Agriculture" or "Streets
of Cairo," or some other outlandish
place.
"All right." says I. "Darn the tor
pedoes! Keep her as she Is! You can
fire when ready, Grliley!"
So we sot sail for what we Judged was
Ebenezer's front gate, and. Je9t as we
made It, a man comes whlstlin round the
bend in the path, and I'm blessed if
'twa'n't Peter T. Brown. He was rigged
to kill, as usual, only more so.
"Hello. Peter!" I says. "Here we be."
If ever a feller was surprised, Brown
was that feller. He looked like he'd
struck a rock where there was deep
water on the chart.
"Well. I'll be ," he begun, and then
stopped. "What in the ." he com
menced again, and again his wind died
out. Fln'Ily he says: "Is this you. or
had I better quit and try another pipe?"
We told him 'twas us, and it seemed
to mo that he wa'n't nigh so tickled as
he'd ought to have been. When he found
we'd come to the weddln 'count of
Ebenezer sendin us word, he didn't say
nothin' for a minute or so.
"Of course, we had to come," says
Jonadab. "We felt 'twou'.ln't be right to
disapp'int Mr. Dillaway."
Peter kind of twisted his mouth.
"Thafa so," he says. "ICIl be worth
more'n a box of dl'monds to him. Do
him moro good thap J'lnln a 'don't wor
ry club.' Well,, come on up to the house
and case his mind."
So we done it, and Ebenezer acted even
more surprised than Peter.
I can't tell you anything about that
house, nor the flxin's in it; it beat me a
mile that house did. Wo had a room
somewheres up on the hurricane deck,
with brass bunk and plush carpets and
crocheted curtains and electric lights. I
swan there was lookln' glasses in every
corner big ones, man's size. I remem
ber Cap'n Jonadab hollerin to me that
night when we was gittin ready to turn
in:
"For the land's sake, Barzlllal" says
he, "turn out them lights, will y i? I
ain't over'n above bashful, but them
lookln glasses makes me feel's if I was
undressln al-'ng with all hands and the
cook."
Tho house was full of comp'ny, and
more kept comln all the time. Swells!
don't talk! We felt 'bout as much at
home as a cow in a dory, but we was
there 'cause Ebenezer had asked us to be
there, so we kept on the course and
didn't signal for help. Travelln' through
tho rooms downstairs where the folks
was, was a good deal like dodgin ice
bergs up on the Banks, but one or two
noticed us enough to C'n the co'--- and
one was real sociable. He was a kind of
slow-spoken city feller, dressed as if his
clothes was poured over him hot and
then left to cool. His last name had a
splice in the middle of it 'twas Cates-by-Stuart.
Everybody that is. most
everybody called him "Phil."
Well, sir, Phil cottoned to Jonadab and,
me right away. He'd git us, one on cn;u
wing, andgo through that house asking
questions. Ho rumped me and Jonadab
dry about how we came to be there, and
told us morn yarns than a few 'bout
Dillaway, and how rich he was. I re
member ho said that he only wished he
had the keys to the cellar so he couli
show u3 the money-bins. ' Said Ebenezer
was so Jest well, rotten with money, as
you might say, that he kept it in bins
down cellar, same as poor folks kept
coal gold in one bin, silver half-dollars
in another, quarters in another, and so
on. When he needed any, he'd say to a
sonant: "James, fetch me up a hod of
change." This was only one of the fish
yarn3 he told. They sounded kind of
scaly ta Jonadab and me, but If we hint
ed at such a thing, he'd pull himself to
gether and say: "Fact, I assure you."
in a way to freeze your vitals. He
seemed like such a good feller that we
didn't mind his tellln' a few big ones;
we'd known good fellers afore that liked
to He gunners and sech like, they were
mostly.
"Somehow or 'nother rhil got Cap'n
Jonadab talkln "boat," and when Jona
dab talks "boat" there ain't ro stoppio
him. He's the smartest feller in a cat
boat that ever handled a tiller, and he's
won more races than any man on the
Cape. I cal'late. Phil asked him and me
if we'd ever sailed on an ice boat, and.
when we said we hadn't he asks if we
won't take a call with him on the river
next mornin. We dlin't want to put hlra
to so much trouble on our account, but
he ald: "Not at all. Pleasure'll be all
mine. I assure you." Well, 'twas his for
a spell but nver mind that now.
He Introduced us to quite a lot of the
comp'ny men mostly. He'd see a school
of 'em in a corner, or under a palm tree
or somewheres, and steer us over la that
direction and make us known to all
htnds. Then he'd begin to show us off, e
to speak, git Jonadab tellln' 'bout the
boats he'd sailed, or somethin' like it
and them fellers would laugh and holler,
but Phil's face wouldn't shake out a
reef; he looked solemn as a fun'ral all
the time. Jonadab and me begun to
think we was makln a great hit. Well,
we was. but not the way we thought. I
remember one of the gang gits Phil to
one side after a talk like this and whis
pers to him. laughln like fun. Phil says
to him: "My dear boy, I've been to
thousands of these things " wavln' his
flipper scornful around the premises
"and upon honor they've all been alike.
Now that I've discovered somethin pos
itively original, let me enjoy myself. The
entertainment by the Heavenly Twins 13
only begun."
I didn't know what he meant then; I
do now.
The marryln' was done about 8 o'clock,
and done with all the trimmins. All
hands manned the yards in the best par
lor, and Peter and Belle was hitched.
Then thev went away In a swell turnout
not like the derelict hack3 we'd Been
stranded by the Cashmere depot and
Jonadab pretty nigh took the driver's
larboard ear off with a shoe Phil gave
him to heave after 'em.
After the weddln' the folks was settln'
under tho palms and bushes that was!
growin' in tubs all over the house, and j
the stewards there was enough of 'emj
to man a four-master was cartln' 'round
punch and frozen victuals. Everybody
was togged up till Jonadab and me, in I
our new cutaways, felt like a couple of
moultin blackbirds at a bluejay camp
meetin. Ebenezer was so busy, flyin'
'round like a pullet with its head off,
that he'd hardly spoke to us sence we
landed, but Phil scarcely ever left us,
so we wa'n't lonesome. Pretty soon he
comes back from a beat Into the next
room, and he says:
"There's a lady here that's Jest dyln'
to know you gentlemen. Her name's
Granby. Tell her all about the Cape;
she'll like it And, by the way. my dear
feller," he' whispers to Jonadab. "if you
want to please her er mightily, con
gratulate her upon her boy's success in
the laundry bus'ness. You understand."
he cays, wlnkln. "only son and selfmade
man. don't you know."
appal rjmS
JiBk
Mrs. Granby was roostin all by her- j and grub, and says '.hat Mr. Catesby
ef on a sofy in the parlor. She was Stuart requested the pleasure of our
fleshy, but terrible stiff and proud, and
when she moved the di'monds on her
shook till her head and neck looked like
ono of them "set pieces" at the Fourth
of July firework She was deef. too, and
used an eer trumpet pretty nigh as big
as a steamer's ventilator.
Mayb. she was "dyln to know us," but
she didn't have a fit tryin to show It. Me
aud Jonadab felt we'd ought to be so
ciable, and so we set, one on each side
of her on the sofy, and bellered: "How
d'ye do?" and "Fine day. ain't It?" Into
that ear-trumpet She didn't say much,
but she'd couple o;i the trumpet nd turn
to whichever one o! us had hailed, heel
In over to that side as if her ballast had
shifted. She acted to me kind of uneasy,
but everybody that come into that par
lorand they kept pilln' in all the time
Icoked mor'n middlln' Joyful. They
kf?t prettv quiet, too. so that every yell
jre let' out echoed, as you night lay. all
i. I began to git shaky at the
, as If I was preachln to a big
knees
gregatlon.
After a spell Jonadab, not beln able
to think of anything more to say, and
rememberin Phil's orders, leans over
and whoops into the trumpet.
"I'm real glad your son done so well
with his laundry," he says.
Well, sir, Thil had give us to under
stand that them congratulations would
make a hit. and they done it. The wom
en 'round the room turned red and some
of 'em covered their mouths with their
handkerchiefs. The men looked glad and
set up and took notice. Ebenezer wa'n't
in the room which was a mercy but
your old messmate. Catesby-Stuart looked
solemn as ever and never turned a hair,
But 33 for old lady Granby whew!
She got redder'n she was afore, which
waa a miracle, pretty high. She couldn't
speak for a minute Jest cackled like a
hen. Then she busts out with: "How
daro you!" and flounces out of that room
like a hurricane. And It was still as
could be for a minute, and then two or
three of the girls begun to squeal and
giggle behind their handkerchiefs.
Jonadab and me went away. too. We
didn't flounce any to speak of. I guess
a "sneak" would come nearer to tellln'
how we quit. I see the cap'n headln for
tho staira and I fell into his wake. No
body said good night, and we didn't wait
to give 'em a chance.
Course we knew we'd put our foot in it
somewheres. but we didn't Eee Jest how.
Even then we wa'n't really on to Phil's
game. You Eee, when a green city chap
fl
She Couldn't Speak for a ilinute.
it
comes to the Old Home House and the
land knows there's freaks enough do
come we always try to make things
pleasant for him, and the last thing we'd
think of was makln him a show afore
folks. So we couldn't b'lleve even now
'twas done a-purpose. But we was sus
picious, a little.
"Barzllla." says Jonadab, glttin' ready
to turn In. '"taln't possible that that fel
ler with the sprained last name is Jest
havin' fun with us. Is it?"'
"Jonadab," says I, "I'vo been wond'rln
that myself."
And e wondered for an hour, and an
ally decided to wait a while and say
nothin till we could ask Ebenezer. And
the next mornin one of the stewards
Lcomes up to our room with some coffee
comp'ny on a afore-breakfast Ice boat
sail, and would meet us at the pier in
ha'f an hour. They didn't have breakfast
at Ebenezer's till pretty close to dinner
time, 11 o'clock, so we had time enough
for quite a trip.
Phil and the ice boat met us on time.
I s'pose it 'twas style, but. if I hadn't
known I'd have swore he'd run short of
duds and had dressed up in the bed
clothes. I felt of his coat when he wa'n't
noticln', and if it wa'n't made out of a
blanket then I never slept under one.
And it made me think of my granddad to
see what he had on his head a reg'lar
nightcap, tassel and all.
Phil said he wa3 sorry we turned In
so early the night afore. Said hed
planned to entertain us all the evenln.
We didn't hurrah much at this beln'
suspicious, as I said and he changed the
subject ta ice boats.
That ice boat was a bird. I-cal'lated to
'round
know a boat when I sighted one, but
con-,flatiron on skates was somethin' bran
new. I didn't, think much of it, and I
could tee tht Jonadab didn't either.
But In about three shakes of a lamb's
tall I was read to take it all back and
say I never said it. I done enough
prayln' In the next ha'f hour to square
up for every Friday night meetln' I'd
missed sence I was a boy. Phil got sail
on to her, and we moved out kind of
slow.
"Now, then." says he, "we'll take a lit
tle Ja'nt up the river. 'Course, this ain't
like on of your Cape Cod cats, but
still "
And then I du;r, my finger nails Into
the deck and commenced: "Now I lay
me."
Talk about goln'! Twa?
"F-s-s-s-t!" and we was a mile from
home. "Bu-z-z-z!" and we was Jest get
tin' ready to climb a bank; but 'fore sh?
nosed the shore Phil would put the helm
over, and we'd whirl round like a wind
mill, with me and Jonadab bitin the
plankln, and hangin on for dear life,
and my heart, that had been up in my
mouth, knockin the soles of my boots
off. And Cap'n Catesby-Stuart would
grin, and drawl: "Course, this ain't like
a Orham cat boat, but she does fairly
well er fairly. Now, for Instance, how
does this strike you?"
It struck us I don't think any got
away. I expected every minute to landwaa ..fav.rln. hlra wlth advlce .cause
In the hereafter, and it got so that the
prospect looked kind of Invitlh', ft only
to git somewheres where 'twas warm.
That February wind went in at the topi
;
of my sun nat ana wnizzea out inrougni
the legs of my thin Sunday pants till i!
felt for all the world like the ventilatln
pipe on an ice chest. I could see why
Phil was wearln the bedclothes; what I
was sufferin for Jest then -w as a feather
mattress on each side of me.
Well, me and Jonadab wt'.s "it" for
quite a spell. Phil had all the fun, and
I guess he enjoyed It. If he'd stopped
right then, when the flshin was good. I
cal'late he'd have fetched rort with a
full hold, but no. he had to rub It in. so
to speak, and that's where he slopped
over. You know haw 'tis when you'ro
eatln' mince pie It's the "one mor
slice" that fetches the nightmare. Phil
stopped to get that slice.
He kept whlzzin up and down that
river till Jonadab and me .kind of got
over our varlousness. We could manage
to git along without spreadln out like
porous plasters, and could set up for a
minute or so on a stretch. And 'twa'n't
necessary for us to hold a special re
ligious service every time the Catlron
come about. Altogether we was In that
condition where the doctor might have
held out some hopes.
And. in spite of the edd, we was
noticln' how Phil was sallm that three
cornered sneak-box noticln'- and crltl
clsln'; at least, I was, and Cap'n Jona
dab, beln', as I've said, the best fkipper
of small craft from Provlncetown to
Cohfcsset Narrows, must hive had sonifc
idea on th subject. Yoar old chum,
Catesby-Stuart, thought he was mast
high so fur's sailln was concerned, any
body could see that, but he had some
thin to Urn. He wasn't beginning to
git out all there was In that ice-boat.
And Jest then aovz com? another feller
In tae same kind of hooker and gives us1
a
-
a hail. There was two other chaps on
the boat with him.
"Hello, Phil!" he yells, roundin' his
flat-iron Into the wind abreast of ours
and bobbin his night-cap. "I hoped
you might be out. Are you came for a
race?"
"Archie," answers our skipper, solemn
as a settln' hen. "Permit me to Intro
duce to you Cap'n Jonadab Wixon and
Admiral Btrzllla Wingate of Orham or.
the Cape."
I wasn't expectln to fly an admiral's
pennant quite so quick, but I managed
to shake out through my teeth they
was chatterln Ilk a box of dice that
I was glad to know the fMler. Jonadab,
he rattled loose eomethln' slm-lar.
"The Cap'n and the Admiral." says
Phil, "tavln' sailed the resin main fo
lo! these many years, are now fav'rln
me with their advice concernln' the
navigation of Ice-yachts. Archie. If
you're willln' to enter against such a
handicap of brains and barnacles, I'll
race you on a beat up to the p'Int yon
der, then on tho ten mile run afore th
wind to the buoy opposite tho club, and
back to the cove by Dlllaway's. And
we'll make it for a case of wine. Is It
a go?"
Archie, he laughed and said it was.
and, all at once the race was on.
Now Phil had lied when h said wo
we harn't s.ild a word; but that beat
up to the p'int wa'n't ha'f over afor?
Jnnadfth and m wn rtvln tn tt' him
. . . ... . . ...
a few things. He handled that boat 111:3
. . t . .
tack and come about for the run a full
minute afore us.
And on that run afore the wind 'twas
wuss than ever. The way Fhll see
sawed that piece of pie back and forth
over the river was a sin and shame. He
could have slacked off his mainsail and
headed dead for the buoy, but no. be
Jiggled around like an old woman
crossin' the road ahead of a funeral.
Cap'n Jonadab was on edge. Racln'
was where he lived, as they might say,
and he fidget1! like he was settln' on a
pin-cushion. By and by he snaps out:
"Keep her off! Keep her off afore the
wind! Can't you see where you're goln'?"
Phil looked at him as if he was a graven
Image, and all the answer he made was:
"Be calm. Barnacle; b .m!"
But pretty soon I couldn't stand it no
longer, and I bust3 out with: "Keep 'er
off, Mr. What's-your name! For the
Lord's sake, keep her off!' He'll beat the
life out of you!"
And all the good that di. ,a.-: for me
to get a stare that was colder thau the I
But Jonadab got fidgetyer every minute,
and when we come out into L'ae broad i
part of the river, within a little ways of
the buoy, he couldn't stand it no longer.
"You're spillln ha'f the wind!" he yells.
"P'Int her for the buoy or else you'll be
licked to death! Jibe her so's she gits it
full. Jibe her, you lubber! Don't" you
know how? Here! let me show you!"
And the next thing I knew he fetched a
hop like a frog, Ehoved Thll out of the
waj grabbed the tiller and Jammed It
over.
She Jibed oh. yes, she Jibed! If any
body says she didn't, you send 'em to me.
I give you my word that that flat-Iron
Jibed twice once for practice, I Jedge,
and then for bus'ness. She commenced
by twistin' and squirmln like an eel. I
Jest had sense enough to clamp my mit
tens on to tho little brass rail by the
stern and hold on; then she Jibed the
second time. She stood up on two If.
the boom come over with a slat that
pretty nigh took the mast with It, and
the whole shebang whirled around as if
it had forgot somethin'. I have a foggy
kind of remembrance of lockin' my ;tten
clamps fast on to the rail while the rest
of me streamed out in the air like a
burgee. Next thing I Lnew w was scoot
ia back toward Dlllaway's. with the sail
catchln every ounce that was blowin.
Jonadab was braced across the tiller, and
there, behind us, was the Hon. Philip
Catesby-Stuart, flat on his back, with his
blanket legs lookln like a pair of com
passes, and skimmin 'in whirligigs over
the slack ice toward Albany. He hadn't
had nothin 'to hold onto, you understand.
Well, If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have
b'lieved that a human beln' could spin so
long or travel so fast on h" -rk. . .13
legs made a kind of smoky circle in the
air over him. and he'd got such a start
that I thought he'd never stop a-goin'.
He come to a place where some snow
had melted in the sun and there wa: a
! pond, as you might say, on the Ice. and
he went through that, heavin spray like
one of them circular lawn sprinklers the
simmer folk3 have. He'd have been as
pretty as a fountain, if we'd had time
to stop and look at mm.
"For the land sakes. heave to!" I yelled,
soon's I could git my breath. "You've
spilled the skipper!"
"Skipper be durned!" howls Jonadab.
squeezla' the tiller and keepin on the
course; "We'll come back for him by ani
by. It's our bus'ness to win this race."
And. by ginger! we did win it. The
way Jonadab coaxed that cocked hat on
runners over the ice was pretty yes. sir,
pretty! He nipped Ler close enough to
the wind'ard. and he took advantage of I
every single chance. He always eouii
II: I'll say that for him. We walked
up on Archie like he'd set down to rest,
and passed him afore he -as within a half
mile of home. We run up abreast of Flll
aways. puttin on all the faccy frills of
a liner comln into port, and there was
Ebenezer and a whole crowd of weddln
comp'ny down by the landln.
"Gosh!" says Jonadab. tuggin at hi
whiskers: " 'rwas Cape Cod against New
York thrt time, and you can't beat the
Cape vl..-.i I: comes to gittln' over water,
not even if the water's froze. Hey. Bar
zllla?" Ebenezer came hoppin' over the tea
toward us. He looked seme surprised.
"Where's rhil?" he says.
Now, I'd clean forgot rhil, and I guess
Jonadab had. by the way he colored up.
"Phil?" eays he. "Phil? Oh. yes! W
left him up the road piece. Mayt we'd
better go after him now."
But old Dillaway had s- to far
"Cap'n." he says, lookln round to make
sure none of the comp'ny was follerin'
him out to the Ice boat, "I've wanted to
speak to you afore, but I haven't had
the chance. You mustn't t'lleve too much
of what Mr. Catesby-Stuart says, nor you
mustn't always do Jest what he sucpests.
You see," he eays, "he's a dreadful prac
tical Jo!.. ."
"Yes," pflys Jonadab, beglnnln' to loo'
sick. I didn't say nothin' but I guess I
looked the Fame way.
"Yes." Paid Ebenezer. kind of uneasy
like. "Now. in that matter of Mrs.
Granby. I 6'pose Phil put yu rip t
askin her about her son's lcundry. Yc-?
Well. I thoupht so. You see, the fact
is. her boy Is a broker down In Wall
Street, and he's been caught makln
ecme of what they all 'wash pas of
stock. It's against the rules or tne re
charge to do that, and the papers bar
been full of the row. You can see," rays
Dillaway, "how the laundry question
kin, of stirred the old lady ud. But,
Lord! it must have been fv::ny. asd ha
commence! to grin.
I looked at Jonadab. and be looked t
me. I thought of Marm Granby, and her
tain' "dyln' to know us." -d I thought
of the lies about the "hod of change'
and all the rest, and I give yju my worl
I didn't grin, not enough to show my
wisdom teeth, anyhow. A crack in th
ice an Inch wide would have held mt.
wltL room to spare; I know that.
"Hum!" grunts Jonadab. kind or dry
and bitter, as if he'd been t-'-" ' worm
wood tea. "I see. He's been havln' a
good time makln durn fools out of us.M
"Well." says Ebenezer, "not exact!
that, p'raps, but "
And then along comes Archie and b!
crowd in the other ice boat.
"Hi!" be yells. "Who failed that boat
of yours? He knew h'.s bus'nes a!t
right. I nevfr Fay anything better. Phil
why, where Is rhil?"
I aniwcred him. "Phil got out when
we Jibed," I Fays.
"Was that Phll?' hr hollers, and then
the three of 'em Just roared.
"Oh, by Jove, you v!" pay- Arch!;
"that's the funniest thlu I :r paw.
And on Phi!, too! He'll never hear th
last of It at the club K-y, toys?" Ani
then they Jut bellered and laughed
again.
When they'd gone. Jonadab turned
Ebenezer and be says: "That takin us or
on this boat was another o! havla
fun with the countrymen. Hey?"
"I guess so," says Dillaway. I h'lier
he told one of the guests that be v
goln to put Cape Cod on Ice this
mornin'."
I looked away up trie river where n
little black st ; was Jest gettln' to
shore. And I th gM f tiow ly
wind was out there, and how that ice
water must have felt, and what a Ions
ways 'twas from home. And then I
smiled, slow and wide; there was a baYg
load of Joy in every ha'f Inch of that
sml?.
"It's a cold day when Thll loses a
chance for a Joke," says Ebenezer.
" 'Taln't exactly what you'd call sum
mery jest now," I says. And we baulel
down sail, run the Ice boat up to the
wharf, and went up to our room to pack
our extension cases for the next train.
"You see." says Jonadab. puttin '
other shirt, "it's easy enough to git thf
best of Cape folks on wash sales and
lyln. but when it comes to boats, that'i
a different pair of shoes."
"I guess Phll'll agree with ycu." I says.
The Last Resort.
When her granddaughter arrived fron:
the city to spend Thanksgiving with her,
Mrs. Barlow was a little overpowerel.
"She's so pretty, and knows so much,
and has such nice manners anl suet
handsome clothes, I'm a little afraid oi
her," she confided to the girl's grand
father. "Sho, now!" ea!d Mr. Barlow, In a com
forting tone. "I'll risk but what you'i:
tell her plenty of things she doem't kno
In the wee she's here. Don't you vorry.
mother."
It was the very next day that his pro
phecy came true, rays Youth's Companion.
Mrs. Barlow told him of It that nlghl
with glee.
"It was all along of a pretty blue dre?i
Marjorie has." the said. "She showed It
to m. anl said. 'Look at that spot
grandmother. Right on th front of tb
skirt, and nothing will take It out, '.
don't know what It can be!'
"So I asked her what she'd use I. er3
she told me. I can't half remember th
name3. but there was dryrub and clanal!
and benzine anl chloroform anl ch!or;r
and spotout and "
"Hoi I on." eald Mr. Barlow, "you'n
making up some o those cams."
"Well, hers were Just as ri Ucubus."
sail his wife, "and you never saw suet
a eight as that skirt was rings of on
color anl rings of another, where sh
triel the different fluids anl dry clean,
ere, anl inside of all the original spT
of greasy dirt.
" 'Hare you ever tried srap anl warn
water on It?' I askel her. ar.J she allowed
she hain't.
"Well, I got out th original spot it
about five minutes," fall Mrs. Barlow
smoothing down her apron with a sat
fl air, "anl sorce of th cleaning cir
cles have comi out. I can get nott c
'em out. I guess. Of course, as I toll
her. the dress won't ever look the
on account of some of the material hav
ing been eaten away by what she's pu
on; but 'twill be so she can wear it.
"I dlin't twit her. of course rot." sa!
Mrs. Barlow; "but I shall write Myra to
night that I diln't suppos a child o
hers wouM be so without a kno-lelge o:
the rullmenti. ani have to eome to t li
country to learn 'em. I shall ak her i;
she doen't think maybe she'd bet!"i
chan? Marjorle's college If jstways i'
like to." tali Mrs. BarUw. e'.ightly relenting."