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SONG OF THE SHIRT WAIST,
How should a stenographer dress? Second to none. AVith finders nimble and strong. With eyes that are sparkling and keen, 'A yuung woman sits in a womanly rig With her pencil, her pad and machine. Scratch, scratch, scratch, With speed; not fussy with haste; No poverty plaint, nor even a patch Or smirch on her neat shirt waist. IWrite, write, write, From the business hour of nine; 'And write, write, write, Till time to lunch or to dine. Then it's oh. for a jolly langh! With a bone of a rurk to pick. Where sister workers meet and chaff In the respite hour from click. Click, click, click, Merrily, line upon line; Click, click, click. And the shirt waist wavelets shine. Quick-witted to catch the thought. To correct each grammatical lapse, Not sentimentally taught By Balzac; but better, perhaps. Click, click, click. As eager at work as at play. Click, click, click. The sheet, rolls up and awaj. E's and $'s and Y's. Y's and $'s and E's; Ticking them up with her twinkling eyes. And rattling them off the keys. .Wnte, write, write. All womanly work elevates; ."Write, write, write, Esteem on faithfulness waits. Oh, women with brothers dear. Oh, women with husbands and sons! (Heed not their sneers At your sisters and peers. Nor the talk of the morbid ones. Right! right! right! A just independence to gain, And right! right! right! Be it yours to help her attain. -New York Sun. GEO. EOCKERTOX'S SWEETHEART. I. Alpheus Monrough had made his pile as a speculator, principally in rails, but ho still amused himself by dealing Dow and again to the extent of $1,000.- 000 or so, although for general business he had practically retired from 'change. He was a widower, with an only daugh ter. Miss Phyllis Monrough, aged -0 a lino, handsome Monde, who had taken up the study of science. ' Phyllis had, of course, heaps of offers, eligible and otherwise, but she had not met the man whom she cared to marry, and, at her urgent desire, her father had sent her to Harvard to enable her .to pursue her studies. 1 She went to the university with a xniud fully made up to devote her life to science and to abjure matrimony. In fact, as she herself put it, she had lock ed up her heart and thrown away the key. But we are told that '"love laughs at locksmiths," and, in confirmation there of, she; bad not been long at Harvard when she found herself head over ears In love with (leorge Stanislaus Boek ertou, who was studying law there. Young Koekerton came from a good family, was rieb, good-looking, and in every way eligible; but when Phyllis wrote to her papa informing him of her tender passion and asking his consent to her engagement, she received a tele gram (be" was so urgent that he would not wait for the post to carry his re fusal K '"No. Come home at once." . Phyllis had so rarely been denied any tiling that she was angry, astonish ed, dumfounded, brokenhearted all at once. No mere words can accurately describe her feelings. However, there was no help for it. She must obey. 'And so, after an Interview with her lover, in which they vowed eternal at tachment, she precipitately threw up her studies and her newly-found hopes of bliss and returned to New York. Her father received her kindly, but With a firm-set countenance, which she knew from her observations of his dealings with others indicated that his mind was made' up, and that nothing could alter it. She, of course, burst into tears to be gin with. Put it made no visible effect on her parent. ".My dear Phyllis," he said, "3 011 can not imagine how it pains mo to bo obliged to run counter to your desires, but when I have explained matters to you, I hope you will agree with mo and give up the idea of marrying this young Bockerton. "When I was a lad, my father had a farm out West, the adjoining farm to .which belonged to Palph Koekerton, the grandfather of the young man you have met. "I need not go into details; it will suffice for you to know that my father and old Itockerton had a bitter quarrel, and that a feud arose between the two families which can never bo healed. 'I would rather boo you in your cof fin,' he added, melodramatically, "than see you the wife of one of that brood." "Put, papa," urged Phyllis, "It is a very long time ago, and I don't think that a quarrel between my grandfather and his grandfather should be any rea son why C'eo I mean Mr. Koekerton should not be a good husband to me. lie Is rich. I've always done as you've .wished, and now, when I feel that my life's happiness is at stake, you make this stupid objection." She sobbed afresh, but her tears were thrown away on her obdurate parent, so she tried to cross-examine him on the subject of the quarrel. "It must have lotn a very dreadful quarrel, papa, for you to harbor re jeue all these years. Tell me more about It. If my life Is to be blighted," she said, sighing deeply, "I should like to know why." Mr. Monrough felt himself getting in to a corner with his daughter's wiles and tears, and he got a bit angry. "It would bo of no use," he replied, shortly; "my mind Is irrevocably made up. Put I may say this, as was com mon in those days, tbe quarrel led to fighting, and until your grandfather's death, which happened about two years afterward, every member of either family took every opportunity of trying to take the life of some mem ber of the other. After father's death we pold the farm and came East, and so the enmity ceased actively; but I could never consent to your marrying into the hated family never!" "Put, papa," Insisted the girl, "what was it about? What led to the quar rel:" "It was about a stream, my dear, which ran between the two estates. Old Koekerton insisted that the water was all on his land, whereas it was the boundary, and we had the right on one side of the stream and ho on the other. Put it really distresses me to think about that dreadful time, when for two whole years I walked about with my life in my hand, so to speak. I beg you will say no moreen the subject." "Well, Just one question, papa," ask ed Phyllis, with an eye to future con tingencies. "Was anyone killed?" "No. No one was killed." answered Mr. Monrough; "but your grandfather was shot in the arm, and I can never forgive them never never!" Her father then Insisted on her prom ising him that she would never marry without his consent, which she did readily enough, but she saw it was use less arguing with him any further, and for the time the matter ended. II. It soon became evident to Mr. Mon rough that Phyllis was really fretting and making herself ill about "tlMit con founded fellow Koekerton," as he said to himself. He was a man of action, and determined to give her a thorough change. "Phyllis, my girl," ho said the next morning at breakfast, "how would you like to go to England for a bit?" "Oh. papa!" she exclaimed, with the most brilliant look on her face that he had seen there for a long time. "That would bo delightful You know I've always wanted to go across and see the old world. Put can you spare the time?'" "Well, no, my girl. I can't just now," he replied. "I am obliged to remain here for a time, as I have a speculation on which requires my presence on tho spot, hut Mrs. Laking is going over by the next Cunarder and she would cha peron you to your uncle's in Manches ter, where you could stay and amuse yourself till I arrive, which probably would lie in about three months." So it was settled, and the following week Phyllis, having first informed young Koekerton, with whom she kept up a secret correspondence, of her de parture and her destination, stepped on board tho mail steamship under tho care of her lady friend and in due course arrived at her uncle's in Man chester. She was warmly received by her Eng lish relatives. Thomas Spander, her late mother's brother, had a large busi ness in tho cotton spinning trade in Manchester, and resided at IirkLile, going backward and forward to his business, so that she had the benefit of the sea air. What with that and her voyage over and her new surroundings she in a very short time resumed her old healthy looks, and, as Mr. Spander wrote to Mr. Monrough, "she seemed to have entirely forgotten her love affair." She also, of rouse, frequently wrote to her father. In one of her letters she said: "I am awfully comfortable here. Ev erybody seems to do everything possi ble to make me happy. Uncle Thomas' son leorge is at home from tho uni versity, where ho Is studying for the church. He seems a very nice young man, not at all solemn as one would think, and he plays tennis lovely. He returns to Cambridge to-morrow." "Urn!" reflected old Monrough, as he read this letter. "That's more Ike it, now! Put I'd rather she didn't marry a parson. Still, if they knock their heads together, I won't stand in the way. I'll give her plenty of money, and" (he had rather vague Ideas of church matters) "It'll get him a deanery or a bishopric, or something." Phyllis had been in England for two months, and everything had settled down quietly, when Mr. Monrough was electrified one morning to receive a cablegram from her: (leorge has come all the way from Cam bridge. Wants to marry me immediately. Do you consent and make us happy? PHYLLIS. "Well! this beats cock fighting!" mur mured Mr. Monrough, as ho stared at tho message. "Ho must have fallen very deeply in love with her, indeed. Oh, I consent. Put how about the set tlement? I suppose that Tom Spander reckons on my doing what is right, and so I will. I wish I could get over, but I'm stuck fast with that confounded speculation for another month. It might lose me a million If I left It, and I can't afford that. Well, hero goes!" And ho sent this reply telegram: Don't understand the hurry, but I con sent. Am very pleased. Wish every hap piness. Cannot leave here for a month. Tell uncle I vill arrange handsomely. MUNKOCCJII. III. Ten days after this message, on tho morning of the arrival of the Cunard steamship at New York, Mr. Monrough was sitting in his private ollice when the door opened and in walked his daughter, leaning on the arm of a very well-set-up young man of course, her husband. The old man Jumped upw 1 "Well, this is a surprise !" he shouted. "What on earth made you in such a hurry to get married? Ah! well, I was young myself once, and I know when I fell In love with your mother I was in a deuce of a hurry to get married." "Oh, papa!" murmured Phyllis, as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. "It was so kind of you to give your consent. I am so happy. I thought you would, though, when you knew what a long way George had como to seek me!" "Oh, well, I guess it's not such a very long way, after all," replied her father. "England's only a little place alto gether, yon know.' "Well." said Ceorge, 'Hint's true; but it's nigh upon -1,000 miles before you get there." The elder man stared at this observa tion, which (like some of the redoubta ble Captain Punsby's) he couldn't un derstand the application of. However, he passed it over. "Well, (leorge, my boy," he said, as ho shook his hand In a hearty grip, "I'm truly glad to have you for a son-in-law. And how's your father?" "My father?" echoed George. "He's been dead this ten years or more." "What does all this mean?" cried Mr. Monrough, in amazement. "Am I mad, or what is it? Y'ou have just left your father, my brother-in-law, Tom Span der, in England, haven't you?" Phyllis threw up her arms and, with a wild shriek, fell down on the thickest part of tho soft fur rug that lay before the fireplace, in what appeared to be a dead faint. The two men bent down at tho same time to attend to her and bumped their heads together, and everything was confusion. "My name's not Spander," said Oeorge, hurriedly, as ho rubbed his head with one hand and supported Phyllis with his disengaged arm. "My name's Koekerton, and I went all the way from Harvard University in Cam bridge, Mass., to England to secure your daughter." Tho pen refuses to record Mr. Ion rough's forcible language when he was thus suddenly made acquainted with tho fact that he had given his consent to his daughter's marriage with the son of tho family to which ho had sworn deadly hatred, and tho very man he had before refused, while all tho time he had thought Phyllis was marrying t'eorge Spander, his brother-in-law's son. For about five minutes the place would hardly hold him, and his anger was such that he took no means to re store his daughter, leaving her new found husband to "bring her round" as best he could. However, by tho time he had roared himself out of breath he saw the futil ity of his further opposition and resent ment, and, like the good business mai; that he was. he veered round and me the wind as it blew. "Well! well!" he said. "I've been done, but what's done can't be helped." He then turned to assist Phyllis, but by 1 strange coincidence that young lady bad just come to. and in a burst of hysterical tears, begged forgive ness for the little misunderstanding. "I forgive you, you little witch," her father cried. "Hut I have my suspic ions about the misunderstanding." And Mr. Monrough has never been able to decide in his own mind whether it was accidental or of malice prepense on Phyllis' part that the misunder standing occurred. He has on several occasions tackled his daughter on the subject, but she has always managed most skillfully to evade tho question, and as she and her husband are tho happiest couple Imaginable, and "t'eorge is not such a bad chap after all," Mr. Monrough has long since ceased to inquire into it and has also, of course, buried the hatchet with the Koekerton family. Tid-Pits. He Canght'the Lightning. Mr. Pishop's cruise along the Allan tie coast of the United States In a paper canoe, some years ago, excited wide remark, and his advent here and there in little Inlets where he sought shelter for the night was often a great event, especially to tho colored Inhabit ants. That a man could sail in a paper boat was indeed a marvel. Of his re ception at one such place he gives the following account: The blacks crowded around the ca noe, and while feeling its firm texture, expressed themselves In their peculiar and original way. One of them, known as a "tonguey nigger," volunteered to explain the wonder. To the question from one negro, "How did dis yero Yankeenian come nil dis fur way in do paper canoe, all his sef 'lone?" the "educated" negro re plied: "It's all de Lord. No man ken como so fur in a paper boat ef do Lord didn't help him. De Lord Hoes eberyting. Ho puts de tings In do Yankee-man's head 4 to do 'em, an dey docs eni. Dar was Franklin up Norf, dat made do tele graph. Did ye eler har tell ob him?" "Nebber, nelnVr!" answered many voicis, and with a look of commisera tion for such Ignorance, the orator pro- ceodod: "Dis great Franklin, Cap'n Franklin, ho tort he'd koteh do lightning and make do telegraph; so he fiics a big kite way up to de heabens, an' he puts ile rtring in do lottlo dat hab iuillin in it. Den he holds up de bottle in one ban', an ho holds de cork In do udder ban'. Down comes do lightning an fills do little full up, an' Oup'u Frank lin he done cork him np mighty quick, an kotched de lightning an made de telegraph." Our Hard Coal Supply. A recent expert estimate of tho ox tent of the anthracite coal fields In tho United States places their contents at ll.U'Jl, 400,000 tons. The annual pro duction averages 40,000,000 tons, at which rate the supply would last soma 2G3 years. LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS. Tlcasant Incidents Occurring the World Over Sayings t)at Are Cheerful to the Old or Young Fun ny Selection that You Will linjoy. AV i 1 1 i n tr Man. He If there is anything a woman enjoys It is being a martyr. She And how willing some man is to help her enjoy herself that way. Indianapolis Journal. Correct. A little boy having hi music lesson was asked by his tiacher: "What aro pauses':" "Things that grow on pussy cats," was the quick response. Louisville Times. There Are others. "What is the Trouble between Ax loigh and Ids wife:" "Only a little family jar. He was saying that he would give anything if he could have a wheel and she suggest ed that he might take one of those lie had in his head." Boston Trauseript. And lie Fled. Inventor Say, (Jeorge, come with me. This is a patent car fender. I want you to lie on the track of the electric car and be picked up before a crowd, prov ing that a man cannot be killed when It's used. I'll pay you after the exper iment. One of It is Own. Didn't the doctor toll Drinkum to take only a thimbleful of whisky':" "Yes: but Drinkum had a thimble made to order." Boston Traveler. Shailc5 of Newton! Tommy Papa, there is a large black bug on tin? ceiling. Professor (very busy) Step on it and let me alone. Fliegende Pdaetter. Kathcr Ilunl. He I'm going to apply my talents, but can't make up my mind whether I shall go in for art or poetry. She Oh, poetry! He (delighted) Have you over heard any of my verses? She No; but I've seen some of your nrt. St. 1 'a id's. Mr. Whistler and the Gusher. "Mr. Whistler," .said tbe gushing lady visitor to the cynical artist, "why do you never paint a storm at sea 7" "My dear lady, I've often tried, but unfortunately I paint in oil. and as soon as I spread my colors the waves subside and the sea becomes as calm as a duck pond." Xcw York World. Her (ircat Hit. 'Well, did the new Juliet make a hit':" "Yes, she pulled the balcony over on Romeo and nearly killed him." His Epitaph. Widow (ordering tombstone) And I don't want any maudlin sentiment on lt. Just put: "Died. Aged 75. The good die young." Exchange. V.'lmt He Did Know. Drinkwattr, coming homo from a banquet, accosts a gentleman of divin ity in this manner: "1 say, bishop, can you tell me if they have champagne in ilea von V" Tho Bishop I dont know about that, but I can assure you of one thing, sir; you will lind plenty of real pain in the other place. To Dare. The Worst. Patron (to proprietor of saloon) Of all the free lunch I ever ate that is the worst. Proprietor Certainly; it's weiner wurst. To Date. The Critic She Feared. Mrs. Newricli Henry, you gave yourself away badly at tho dinner table to-night. Do you know you were ac tually eating with your knife? Mr. Newricli No! was I, though? I hope none of tin? guests noticed it. Mrs. Newricli Oh, I don't c.ire so imn'li alnnit thembut our English but ler did. Wilmington (iazette. Spirit of the Ace. "Do you desire the peace of Europe?" Chorus of Croat Powers That de pends on which of us gets the biggest piece. Exchange. (w It Ik mL-Jisi sat An Unfortunate Chap, Ohockerly Poor Algj! He's so no-w widly defawmed! Stripes Def a win nod? Checkerly Yaa.s, ixr boy; his eyo$ &ro ?o pwomiaent that he cawn't weai a monocle! Truth. Just the Thine CÄNIO (L':' jfei I i '.y;.t Shopman You won't be far wrong in buying that cane, sir. It fits you beautifully. Woman's Way. "What is tho amount of the poll tax, John?" asked Mi's, (awker. "One dollar," replied Mr. Cawker. "Yhen we women got tho ballot wo will mark it down to P0 cents." Har per's Kazar. The Pen Is Mightier, Ktc. It was simply a blunder of his In writing and she should have known better; but there! women are such queer things! and she got as mad as could bo alnnit it. You see, he meant to speak of her "laughing eyes" and, as luck would have it, he wrote "laugh able eyes." That was all Boston Transcript. IJcst lie Could Do. "All I demand for my client," shout ed the attorney, in tho voice of a man who was paid for it, "is justice" "I am very sorry I can't aewmmo dato you." replied tho Judge, "hurt the law won't allow me to give him morj than fourteen years." Cincinnati En quirer. The Test. """Old man, I want you to be the best man at my wedding." Er I " "Yhat! I thought you would surely stand by a friend in his hour of trou ble." I u d i a napolis .Tou rnal. Art in the Household. "tVhat an exquisite vase you have those daffodils in, Miss Osmond." "Yes; isn't it sweet? Mamma got it with a can of baking powder." The Latter Preferable. Miss Kate I like a man with a past. lie is always interesting. Miss Duplicate I like a man with a present, and the more expensive the present, the more interest I take in it. Kcspousiliility Disclaimed. Hamlet McDuff (in Arizona) Eva been playing in your town a week, sir, and your paper hadn't contained a line about me. Editor Bazoo Well, in case of a lynching they can't s:i3- that I Incited it. New York World. Warninir to Colorado. Now that gold fields have been dis covered in the United States, tho world is waiting to see whether England will claim that all along she has been under a great mistake concerning tho true boundary of her Canadian possessions. Baltimore American. Lawyer Beat Himself. They are telling of a Boston man but not Boston type of man who went to his lawyer and told him to fix his property In his wife's name, and fix It so that even he could not get it. When the lawyer presented his bill he said: "I can't pay that bill, for I have not a cent to my name." Fibre and Fabric. Outhracgcd. Hard Knox 'Fewer I hit you once they won't be nothiu left but to ring for do ambiance. Tuff Muggs-Is dat so? See dat mitt? Well, do authorities don't allow mo to wear gloves on do street, 'cause It would bo a case of carry in' concealed weapons. Indianapolis Journal. Worse und Worse. boots mshi BIACKED KM' INSIDE -H "Them dudes Is gettin wus an wus. Now they aro black'niu the inside of their boots." 7 V (..( 1 i l Ii I. .'.! 11 7 1 ilLV "Ii I mmr mi mm- J-m mm. DEMON TREE OF BURMAH. Indicts Terrible Torture Upon Tbos Who Touch Its Leaves. In far Burma h there grows a tree the mention of tho name of which causeg the native to shudder with terror and and to breathe a prayer to his divinity that he bo spared from its terrible, ex cruciating, agonizing touch. It is known to travelers and natives of lur mah. the villages of the Himalayas and the Malacca peninsula as "the burning tree." A specimen of it. not much larger than an American blackberry bush, has been added to the famous botani.'al garden at Madras. It is giveu a liberal space to itself, and is snr rounded by a picket fence upon which hang placards in English and Hindoo stance bearing the legend: DAXcEitors: All p -rsons ;irc f.trbiiMen to touch the lea es or branches of this tree. To those who know what the burning tree is the caution is quite unneces sary. The name is a misnomer, as the tree stings rather than burns, lieneath Its smooth green leaves are stings com parable to those of the nettle, only in finitely more painful and aggravating. These stings have points of microscop ic fineness and pierce the skin without leaving any apparent mark. Tho fluid is secreted at the moment of contact. j but causes a maddening pain, which sometimes continues for months. Victims claim the sensation is that of having tho tlesh soared by hot irons. On damp days the agony is augment ed, and to plunge tho afilicted part iu- to wat'T is to cause an ecstasy of tor ture that will throw the strongest man into a paroxysm. This tree ranges in ! size from a bush to the height of fifty ! and seventy-live feet, according to its location. The smaller the tree tho more terrible the effects of contact with it. The Burmese in tho parts of the coun try cursed with it hold it in mortal terror and tleo wildly when they detect Its continguity by the peculiar odor which it exhales. Should one be so un fortunate as to plunge into its branches he falls to the ground, rolling over and over and rending the air with his shrieks. Dogs touched by it are driven mail. They yelp and run, biting and tearing tho parts of their bodies that have been touched. Elephants touched by the demon tree act like fiends, tear ing up trees and rolling in the dirt bel lowing in their agony. A horse that had come in contact with the tree ran wildly alnnit biting at evi ry thing and everybody, and in his frenzy jumped from a cliff and was killed. Tho serpents of tho Burmese jungle and the wild monkeys of tho forest never approach the dread tree. A missionary at Mandalay whose curi osity led him to investigate the leaf of the tree with tin tip of one linger suf fered constant agony for a month and for a year afterward felt occasional darting pains in the. linger. Tho native doctors know of 110 lotion that will re lieve the intolerable pain. His Xliouglit. A man who is sad or sorry is often approached best from tbe commonplace side. In the "History of the Town of Bedford" is a story of a mis.-inlhn.pie patient in a Washington hospital dur ing tho war. lie had a compound frac ture of the knee, and as be was in pain most of the time, could scarcely be ex pect od to prove a jovial companion. Yet, although he steadily frowned down all efforts at conversation, one lady, who was staying in tho hospital to nurse her husband, succeeded in get ting into his life one liitlo wedge of human kindliness. She writes: lb docs not care to have mo road or speak to him; we call him "South Carolina" because he wishes to be "let alone." One morning, as I took my usual walk down the aisle, his head was rest ing on his hands and he looked very solemn. I felt that he was homesick. I wa.s determined to call him out of him self if I could. Acting on the impulse of the moment, I said: "A penny for your thoughts, sir!" To niy surprise lie did not frown, as ho had done before 'when I had spoken to him, but said quietly: "My thought is too foolish to tell." "Perhaps not," I replied. "Well," said ho, "I was just wishing I could have some buttermilk biscuit for breakfast, like those tho woman used to make with whom I boarded lu Now Hampshire." He told me her name and whore sho lived .and then I could say that sho was my buslstand's cousin. That made a beginning, and since then I have dared to "be neighlrorly." Thunder Myth. A curious thunder myth is related by Mr. A. L. Algers, who heard it from au old Penobscot Indian woman. It ap pears that every spring these Indians, on hearing the first thniuler, build a tiro in the open air, ami throw tobacco on It to give "(Irandfather Thunder"" a smoke. The custom originated in a legend of tho Poiujb.seots to tho effect that a young woman of the tribe was once saved from a "loathy worm" by thunder and lightning. Mr. Loui Mitchell, once the Indian member 0. the Maine Legislature and a Passuna quoddy Indian, assured Mr. Algers that no Indian property is ever injured by lightning, w hich is regarded as "(I rand father Thunder's wife." Cigarette Law Rejected. The Massachusetts Senate has reject ed the bill to prevent the manufacture ami sale of cigarettes and cigarette to bacco in this State; and very properly. There is already a law prohibiting the sale of cigarettes to minors, and that Is quite enough. Boston Transcript. If you want to write or say just what you please, claim to be a reform r.