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TIIE. INDIANA STATE SENTINEL. "WEDNESDAY! MAY 24, 1882.
ON AN OKIOINAL. 8CBJBCT. This Is then the season mellow that all poeU love to kins. When the cowsllpsburn so yellow, fragrant, bright and dainty spring; When, from out the sou ih ward winging, come the robiu and tne wren, And the women, hört and stinging, doubt the usefulness pf men. ThlJ the time of dust and rattle, tbla the time of brooms and soap, When a man will vaiuly battle for each cherished wish and hope; When he sees hi paper flying through tKe win dows and the door, And hi cherished poeU, lying, heaped pell-mell, upon the floor. This the time when in the garden blooms the fragrant hyacinth, And clad a-ta-D..lly Varden, with the wood box for a plinth, SUtue-like. with white arms seeking, stands your bosom' che.rUhed prize. Some mysterious grease spot seeking, direful ven- geauce in her eyes. This the time when throuch the hollow of the woodland v alley speeds. Lithe and swift, the purple swallow; and the late so sombre meads, lory in the dew-droos shining on the green and bendini? spears; And the bull-i rug is repining for his lost melodious j ears. This the time when vlo:eta cluster by the nodding daffodil; And tbe Ami o tin? feather duster all the vista seem to All. When the bnds to bloom are waking, and the bees begin to hum; And you. a commandment breaking, curse the blow that found your thumb. This the time. when, dulcet rtiarmer, comes the (rrim and sable crow. Watching while the busy farmer plants the corn in measured row; And he dreams, demurely winking, of the leasts that wait his maw. Till the gladness of his thinking rings In a triumphant cau. This the time of love sown chanted by cats that now wuuld matw attain. nd when gardens, newly planted, lure the cack ling, careful hen: When arouud the tall pole twining, grow the nrirklr Tines of hoDS: And the husbandman is whining doleful fears about the crops. his the time so sweet with flowers, and the sing- inc of the birds 1 Time of unexpected showers welcomed by eu phwious words Time uf col Is and bilious quaking, time conglom erate of Ills. When the doctors force the taking of powders Tile and bitter pills. This the time of blossoms golden, and of bonnets fresh and new; Of those fashions quaint and olden, turning all our bright thoughts blue; When the ho.ise is toysy-turvey, and no dinner time doth briii;;. Sa I rote you are a scurry fraud, and not an elf. Oh Spring! -Hartford Times. WIDOW APPLEDORE'S K0Ä1XCE. Elisabeth Cumiugs'ln Our Continent. J MA min that thinks of nothing but pep' mint oil an' price of wheat! No Emma Jane; my life has been hundrnm enough without xay ending it wiik Deacon Bliss. I shan't have him!'' "Well, weil, Ilosetta, if you won't I don't know's anybody's goin ter try an' make you,' chirped plump, rosy Mrs. Phlox, look ing up from the etjut blue woolen seek she waa knitting. "I s'pose the D'acon thought he'd a right to auk you, stein' it's a free -country. Caleb Appledore was a, awful nice man, but so's tue D aeon. Lone wim- men are put m. Job WbitUmoro neglects your garding, an'juet see what work you have with, your tires winters an' keepin' roads broke out." V'I'm not going to marry just to have eTjrne one tend tho garden and do the chores," said Mrs. Appledore. I've never found fault with them that's dead and gone; but I know what it is to live with a person who does not care two pins for the things I do, and if I ever do marry again it will bo gome -vi-in wuu cau ijui(iuuu wivu me. x cau a fis&y I swallow all 'Lias Uradacaw eays about f- the m&rrvm' of souls and afluities, but there's some truth . in it you may depend. -li,ieide, I'd like a little romance in my life jfcre I die." "Ro-mance is all well 'nuff," said Mrs. Phlox; but you're thirty-nine next March, Koeetta. an' sech & man as J) ;acon Bliss f don't grow on every bush, liein' a good provider, an' a splendid farmer, an' a Deacon, an' a pill.tr iu the Church may not be romantic, lut they're g od recommenda tions in a man you're think iu' of marry in. I hopa voa'll think twice." "1 have thought, an shan't marry the Deacon," said Mrs. Apppledore decisively; "an' if tha'.'s bjing romantic, I'm not ashamed of it. ' The little widow did not look romantic. Her complexion was a dull white, and her hair was a dull brown. D all. too, were her large gray eyes that blinked behind short sighteu glasses, but her form, though meager and devoid of curve, was not Without grace, and she had a clear, sweet s prano voice, which, though it was untrained, she could use with taste and feeling. The ilirmoni cum, the Dixville Musical Association, made her the head of all their Committees, and relied upon her t j sing all the solos. In deed, without her it could not have existed. Ahe wheezy melodeon, which was a dozen years old before it became the property of tne Society, had at last collapsed under the energetic fingers of Professor Jackson Jones, who did the accompanying, and they were trying to buy a piano. They had given concerts, and had oyster suppers till Dxville was tired, when Dr Ollapod suggested a lecture. It as whispe rvd that the Doctor had ex pected the Com mitte' to invite him to rca one of his papers on the Semitic tongue; but if he did ha was disappointed. They cor responded wit many popular lecturers, who all declined to visit D.iville on the Tjlea of c-n2a?binentfl. and the Com mitte at Vlaet invited a certain Professor iSt. Clair "omith, about whom tney knew nothing save I that he had lectured in the neighboring I villages wiih acceptance, t address them. vThe Prüfer r Lad suddenly appeared in yFixvMe mounted on a tine gray borte. A'he next dy h was setn to enter the post ofice wi h a gret-n bog on Lis arm, and the goeups immediately rep rted that he was ) wealthy an 4 had come ir :u Boston. lie at once accepted the mviUtion of tbe liar monicum Committee, Hid announced that his lecture would be on tat "Philosophy of Art." The meeting houe was hired, and Mrs. Appledore, with a select few, began practicing some mu-ic for the occasion. It was the a ternoon before the lecture, and Mrs. Appledore bad invited her sister to spend tut day with her Domestic du ties seemed to be just what Mrs. Phlox was made for. Her husband and sister usually did all her thinking. In return she served fhem with her hands; but the few notions liat did creep into her round head she clung Ko pertinaciously. 'The won-t kind of a fool is a beetle headed one." f he raid, after a long pause; 'an' p jttin' this and that together, Rosetta, I thlLk you're preparin' with your roman cia' to bo just that kind of a cne." "I don't see how listers can be so unlike," and Mrs. Appledore drummed a harsh ac companiment to her words on the middle C of her piano. "To be eure you are the old est; but age need not make one's soul a clod." It would be well for you to remember that all tbe advantages are not on your side," cried Mrs. Phlox, rising with dignity. There are bodies, yes, and dispositions that are clods," and Mn. Phlox jorked on her calash and went home. The meeting-house was full, -and the next day the Dixville Times declared the lecture to be a most soulful and eloquent aiaserta tion, but Mr. Appledore'. attention wan dered, and she only knew that tne enter tainment was abuut to be conciuaea oy ur. Ollapod' lonorous call for moosic." I am delighted." said Professor St-Clair bowing low before bar, as toon as possible after the -'moofic." "1 never heard such a delicious voice." Mrs. Appledore coughed behind to con ceal her flattered embarressment.and turned a questioning look on Professor Jackson Jones, who stood near. "You always ting iplendidly," said that gentleman, drawing himself up. "I dare say I DUtvououL That flute oblizato is a deuced hard thiDg to do. I didn't do myself justice to night.-' You've always dragged," said Karl Leo pold, who took every opportunity to criti cise the Ilarmonicam doings. Professor Jackson Jones pulled at his cra vat, and Mrs. Appledore's lace was full of resentment. I never heard anything finer in Boston," said Professor St. Clair Smith coming to the rescue, ''and I suppose you know what that implies." The night after the lecture was a very stormy one, and Mrs. Appledore waa slow ly twisting her hair in crimping-pins, when the door-bell rang. "I could not endure thelonlinets of tho hotel, dear Mrs. Apple dore," said Professor St. Clair Smith, mat ing a courtly bow, "and have ome to beg for iu't one sjns " The Professor wa, so far as outline and coloring go, a hancsome man. His Lead was what is commonly called dome-shaped. Hiä wavy hair and tilky beard wese a bright yellow red, and his rather large eyes wtre b'ue. lie sat down in the big rocking-chair, and takinc a twin on each knee, "1 renew ray youth in children," he cried, giving them a squeeze. "Doyou Rnow tne song, The old times were the best times when vou and I were vounc?' " 'Oh, yes," said the widow, nervously turning over her munc, "but I -an t say that I feel so very old." "Dear me, what a blunderer I am," cried the Professor. 'I was thinking of my boy hood. I've always hated being grown up. A man has so much to fetter his imagina tion. You must have lost your husband in the first flush of youth?'' . "I did," murmured the widow, forgetting that the was thirty-five when the event oc curred. The twins were babe?." Sob s succeeded son 2 till the Professor proposed duets, and Mrs. Appledora enjoy ed the music so much that it was midnight before she knew it. Two months passed away. The Profes sor came almost every evening. lie had hired a small house a little out of town, that he might be undisturbed, he explained, and a relative had come to keep house for him. lie did not know how long he should remain in Dixville. lie was preparing a took for publication, and writing several lectures. When his literary labors "were over he was going to take a trip pornewbere and rest, though friends of his, influentmum Washington, wtro anxious for him to accept a consulship at an important point. The widow's neat white cottage ftood by itself on the confines of the vihage. Deacon Bliss' field of dark green peppermint and noddicg wheat stretching along the country road for nearly a mile joined the garden. Before her abrupt refusal of bim, the Dca con had been acaustomed to drop in for a little visit or to bring a neighborly offering of apples or frosa vegetables. But these calls had ceased, acd, cut off from all her sources of ntws and pleasure, Mrs. Apple dore stayed clost ly at home, practiced her music, and entertained the Professor. But one sunshiny afternoon Mrs. Phlox cime bustling up the prime graveled walk. 4ijset.a Anderson,'' she chirped, like an angry blu-j-ty, as she opened the door, "though a clvd, which thre are folks that think diilorent, I've como to ask you if you know you're the town talk?" 'The town talk?'' ecnoed her astonished sister. "Yes, the town talk," repeated Mrs. Phlox, with wondorful emphasis. "Ah body would be who hti spent two blessed months philandering with a married man." "Who is married ?'' "Your Professor Smith." "I don't believe it." 4I s'pesa you wouldn't, but I have seen his wife," said Mrs. Phlox with evident sat isfaction. "Mbs Merrills, she 'twas Pearly Aan Truesdale, wouldn't mLs a flndin' out anything if she had to walk ten miles, an' she calh-d on her, and told me. That night I sez to John, 'John,' cez I, 'a sister's a sU ter, 'specially if the' younger an' a widder, an' if I be a clod I'm goin' to the bottom of this;' 'an" sez he, 'Emma Jane, I think you'd btter, an' tho first thing he did the next mornin' was to Liieh up an' take me over on the mile-strip where that ffllow lives, in Tony Alferton's cottage. He wa't in, but she was, and she was was hin'. " 'I'm Miss Phlox, sez I, 'an' I come to call.' 'Thank yon, sez she. 'I'm Miss Smith,' an'. she set out the only chair there was in tbe room for me, an' set down berseji on the wash-bench. " 'Air you Miss St. Clair Smith, tho wife of Professor,' st z I. , 'A sort of smile twinkled over her mouth an' she sez. 'Yea, Miss St. Clair Smith, though I didn't know Mr. Smith bad adopt ed the St. Clair name. That's my family name.' An' then she wen't on an' spoke of her husband, an' of how ambitious he u, an' how he feels hin spear in public lif, an' how she is willin' to do anything to help him. An' then he inquired it I thought she could get sewih' in D.xville when she feels a little better an' is able to do it." Tears of shame and anger gathered in Mrs Appledore's eyes as her sister spoke. Is Mrs Smith good looking? Is she an in teresting woman?" she asked. I can't say how interesting 6he is. She seemed kind of trod on, so to speak. As for looks, she ain't any prottier'n you'd be if yon worked hard an' didn't get half enough to eat," said Sirs". Phlox calmly. Mrs. Appledore sobbed aloud. ""What do people say about me? What shall 1 du?" she cried. 'They don't say nothin' yet, on'y that you're dreadful foolish," chirped her sister, rising and putting on her calash, for it was almost supper time. I can't ray as I know of anything for you to do except to tell Mr. Smith to stay t'home. 'Tai n't likely that Deacon Bliss will give you a change to say yes a second time." There has been a go 1 deal of pleasurable excitement in receiving the vicits of the Professor. To dress herself in her best mourning and to sir g her boat s ngs to an appreciative listener, had b?en oiuKbing to look forward to during the hundrum work of the day. The thought, however, of what her acquaintances were sajing about b er embittered her life, and when the Professor again called one glance at her face told him that she knew all. " "Dear Mrs. Appledore," he began, but she checked him. "You had better go home to your wife, Mr Smith," she ell coldly. Tears, real tears, ctma into the Professor's big blue eve. 'But I love you," she cried, "and ibe has always been an incubus upon ray rul." But she's your wife,". persisted Mrs. Ap plodord. "I know it mane l the Professor, rub bing hi blow distractedly, 'It eat out my vitals when I think of it. She den't feel as I leel There's no wings for me as long &$ I am tied to her. We'vo no affin ity. Mr?. Appledore gazed at hioi in dll wonder. These were almost the words she lad used to her liter, but they did not sound pleasantly now. "I love you, Bssetta," went on the little man, approaching her; "and I want to ask you just one question: Were I a single man would you marry me?" "I might, ' admitted the widow, smooth ing down a fold in her overskirt with a trembling band. 'Enoj'thl ' and the Professor flang his arm) about her and pressed a rapturous kis upon her forehead, 'Ble9 you, my dar ling!'' and before she could answer him be was gone. The next evening when Mre. Appledore was taking down her washing from the line she was suddenly clasped from behind by a pair of strong arms. "You will soon be mine, said the voice of the Professor. ''I've offered my wife $50 to leave me, and she has accepted." Accepted," the widow cried, wrenching herself free. Yes, and as soon as I can sell my book she shall go. I've lived in soul isolation long enough. My heart has found lis mate." All the men that Mrs. Appledore knew were quaint of speech and somewhat rustic in manner, but what they considered duty controlled their lives. "You wretch!" she cried, dashing tho clothes-pin bag at bim. "Fifty dollars! You ain't worth fifty cents. Go home and never dare to speak to me again?" "llear me," he pleaded, catching hold of her gown. 1 can't stay cut here asd listen to phil anderin talk," she answered resolutely, and twitching her dress from his grasp she en tered tho house. But the Professor 8 hand was upon tho latch. Like most little women, the widow was a curious mixture of timid ity and courage. She flung the door open. "Don't you dare to come in!'' she cried. "I'll throw hot w ter on you I I'll I'll kill you!" Then, slamming the door in his face, she bolted it securely. All the evening the Professor paced up and down Mrs. Appledore's back veranda. The ntxt evening he again appeared, ana the next, and the widow thoroughlv alarmed sent tho bravest twin out the front way with a note to her brother-in-law. Mr. Phlox delighted in anything thatcould be called proceedings, and in a few minutes he had the deputy sheriff and two consta bles, and went marehing down the principal street with tbem to the great delight of all the small boys of tho village. It was im possible for tho Professor to escape. The officers crept around tbe house noiselessly. The sheriff collared him, the constables pin ioned Lis arms, Mr. Phlox grabbed him by the coat tails, and away be w&s walked to the village lock-up. Mrs. Appledore passed a slpeplecs night; she imagined the whole town was wide awake and discussing her, and long before daybreak tbe bad retolved to sell her home and Dixville bank stock and moe V'et I've got my comeupance," she groantd, 'I've always been romantic, and wanted a romance such as I have read about, an' I've had one. Oh, dear! oh, dear!" About 8 o'clock in the morning there came a lively rap at the kitchen door, and, unstrung by excitement and loss of sleep, she shrieked aloud. '0n'y me; on'y Deacon Ulis.," cried a pleasant voice through tbe kevhole. Mrs. Appledcre slid back the bolt with trembling fingers. "IIow thankful I am, she said holding out her hand; '! foci to in need of somebt dy." "'Twas fortinet I come along jes' as I did then," said the Deacon, taking off his straw, hat and slowly rubbing his face with his ample bandana. It was a shrewd though benevolent face, framed in waves of iron- ?ray hair. 'I see ye lock kinder peeked. Tne weather has been try in'. I've it felt my self an' ached in my jints the wast way." :It's my soul, Descon," wailed the widow dropping into a chair and covering her fac with her apron. "I've always hankered af ter a romance an I've had one, and I wish I was deal and laid beside Caleb." "Oh, no ye don't, Miss AppleJore," Eaid tbe Daacon in tho cares?ing tone ia which ho would address a sobbing child. '-This world's a pooty good place, an', with a few exceptions, folks are pooty good. I come over to fetch a few of my sweetins', and to tell you tbet that there ofTer I made ye a speli ago holds good yet. I rally wish ye'd consider it agin." Mrs. Appledore remained silent behind her apron. "Ef ye'd hev me," repeated the Df aeon in alow voice. ''I know that I ain't b&H good 'nufl'. and tbet I'm kind uv an old fellow, but I've got a comfable place an' comt'able things in it, and I've been sot on ye this long spell, as ye knows. Idareay I was 'tached to Lucy moro'n I shnll ever be to to anybxiy agin. We sort uv growed to gether like, but so did you and Caleb, and I'm sure I'll try ter make ye happy, and yer two little gals, as sweet as two pinks, '11 be to me joa' like the little gals 1 lost." Mrs. Appledore did not remove her apron, and af'.er a piuso the Doacon falter ingly coctinued: "I s'pose taint no uso to argy. Folks hez their own iiets of such ttiugs; but any wajs I'll stand yer friend." Tne widow rubbed her eves and slowly let fall her apron. "I've always bad the great est esteem for you," she said, with a littlo shake in Ler voice, "but I never knew bow eood how much I think of you. 1 will I" The Deacon started up. ''Will ye?" Mrs. Appledore had taken refuge in her apron. "Y ill ye really, Uo3eua7" he repeated. The bowed bead covered in the blue gingham nodded. le shan't reqret it, ' 6a:d tho Deacon, solemnly and awkwardly laying his big hand, coarsened by labor, on her shoulder 'Lord bles tbe littlo woman an' our home. Oar homo," he ep Jte soitly a3 if to himelf. "P raps row," he continued aftor a minute, "I'd better drop in an' see h;m, an' in tellin' the news I might mention casual like we re goin ter be married coon. An thet nobody'll trouble anybody tht eUvt t'hum, an' that I'm aMe to help an eJd'i cated man to a good place, rial neighborly, cause my brother Lben out in Kansas wants a clerk." Mrs. App'od.re said nothing, but tho Deacon seemed satisfied with her silence, for he did iu-t as he had proposed. Profeisor St Clv.r Smith was discharged from jail, and in thre days he and his pale little "wife bad left Tony AlWton's cottage on the mile strip to return no more. In about a fortnight Dr. Uilapod attended a quiet wedding. "You've had a ro-mance at last, Roetta. I might better say two cf 'em, whimpered Airs. 1 blox, as she gave the bride a sisterly kiss "The adoration of the Professor was lie things in a novel book, but marryin' a man whose goodness an' farm ca 1't be paralleled in the County, is a romance that has sense in it, an I wish you joy." Rev. M. J. Savage, vf Boston, lays ther are only two classes of men who undertake to address a congreation extempore, with out assiduous preparation; namely, inspired men and fools. DE YALLEK CHINEE. He kin pick np a Ubbia wharebber he goes. Hy wukiu' de railroad an wathln ole cut'es; Me kin lib 'bout as cheap as a leather wln bat. For he watches do rat market keen as a cat; An' his bou'd an' tain raliou ia r-tiT nlti free, Fur a mighty smart cus is the yailer Cuiuee. Den he's not g wine to keer wear you put him to tay. An' his eatln' don't rot but a nickel dy ; An he wou't Kib a straw fur oe ri-us' hotel. When a slab tidd sbatity will uit h!m as web, An aii eroiy old box. or a holler guo tree la a bi boa'uiu' house for ie yalier Chiuee. An' he eats little mice when de blAcVberries fail. Till de ha'r on hi head Rita de thv-e of a tall; An' I kuowby his clo's au' bis muQ culled face lt he eoiU'?s fum a scrubby n' ne-eailus race; An' 1' ira-bled a heap, but 1 nebber did see buch a curibome thaj. aa de jailer Chiuee. Dls country was made fur de whites an' de black. Fur dey hoes all de roru an pays all de tax : You may thli.k what you chouae, but do 'sertion is true. Dat de rf culled fnrriner ntbber will do; Fur dar's heapa o' lougU' i-eile fMrn ober de sea, Bst de casjitKt ,ri L de yailer Chiaee' When de bumblebee crawls in - do dirt dobber's - hole To warm np bis finders an' pit out de cole, Iter's gwlne to be iusn ia de family, sho'I An' cie ob de critttis in us' pack tip and go; An do Chineiniii' iie U dl-k.iv.-r right soon, lat de rabbit can't iu de eiuinp wld a coon. When de woodpecker camps in de morkin' bird's nei'. You kin tell pretty quick which kin tusl de bes'; Par's a mighty good chance -of a skirmish ahead. When de speckled deg loafs round üe tommy cat's bed; An dar's gwlue to be a racket wuf waitiii to see, When de wukin' man butts gin de yailer Chinee. Lafayette Herald. WIT AND PLEAS ANTKIES. A KUi for Slater. She was a very little ptrl. And, as I beet aud kissed her, "There, that is for yourself," 1 said, "And this is for your sisier." Last night I railed in friendly way Some gay girl friends were there; And lautjhaud jet went uaily round. To bullish weary care. The little girl came romping in. And unto me said she: "1 dive that tlss toSUucer Bell . 'Ou left for her- w U me. "She tlssed me lots o' times aa' said, AVheu folkMS 'ouldo't i,ee, I might diva 'em to 'ou dust wait 'I'll! 'ou's alone wlz me:" I blnshe J, and so did Slater Bll ; The gay girl friends, ah me! I wished the horrid, horrid things, A thousand miles at sea! Three periods of life Youth, mums; middle age, bumps; old age, clumps. Carpet designing ia a new employment open to women lJut women always have some design on the carpet. "Patrick (dretsing for a party) ,,Bodad, now, and I shan't be able to git on thcBO boots till I've worn them a toime or two.'' The Philadelphia Pres-3 has just inter viewed a man who has been married six times, lie was glad to get in a woid at last. A man has invented a chair that can be adjusted to 8ÜÖ different positions. It is designed for a boy to sit ia when he goes to wnurcn. A great modiste issued the folio wine J : . : r . , , directions ior wearing a new style h'-aagOAr: 'With this bonnet the nioath L worn slightly open." Imitation eeal-f kin, made of silk, is man ufactured in New Jersey. The man with fourteen daughters will movo into Sew Jersey in the fall. Student: "How is it. Doctor, that I always take cold in my head?" Doctor: 4,lt i- a well-known principle, sir. that a cold is most likely to settle in the weakest part." "What this age ha3 thus far signally failed to produce is a nice-fitting, tasy-ieeling, sieep-produciDjr, ear pad, to be worn by ; 3 "t - ? . - married men wno are given to late Hours. Boston Post: It was a man from the great State of Ohio who unpinned a tidy lrom a chair in a ahmgton parlor and wiped his nose upon it. "We're glad to hear of a man who knew what to do with a tidy. 'I find I have been hugging a delusion," said llarry to James, bis successful rival in the suit for the band of if iss S , a day or two after the marriage. "So do I!" re sponded James. .Now, just what did James mean. Boston Star. The very latest, broadeet-rimmed hat for younsr ladies is called ''Over the Garden Wall.'' From the description it is supposed that the name arises from a tendency of unsuspecting citizens to climb the nearest wall when they see the hat coming. Jour, nal. Two old ladies, evidently from out of town, were walking about the streets the other day, when one of them discovered a bunch of bananas. Stopping to look at them, she adjusted her glasses and said, Well, I dj declare, if them air.t biggor string-beans than I ever sa n in all my life." It was Dr. Oliver Wendell Mölmes, we brieve, who, while waiting in a drug store for a prescription, bad his attention called t a lad seated in a chair. "That is my s n, sir; don't you think he looks like me?" 'Well, yet-," replied the witty poet; "I think I can see some cf your liniments in his face." f Hostess : "What, leaving already, : Mr. Mivera I I've scarcely eco. anything of yru the whole evenirjfrl'' Jlr. Mivers (who goe3 in for the tourteous mat ners of tbe o'den time) : "That, madam, is entirely my fault I ' fbxit Rfa- erully, but remembr3 as he go'js down stairs that he meant to say 'misfortune'' not "fault." Two eagles large enough to carry off a sheep werj seen hovering over Harvard College on Tuesdav morning immt diatIy after praj ers." It is supposed that they were awaiting an opportunity to clutch one of the lost sht-tp of Israel, of whom there are always a groat number ' of in that neighbor hood immediately after prayers. Texas Siftisgs: A scientist gays that every a'u'it person carries enough phot- .hor-u in hi- b xly to make at least 4.000 of he ordinary wo cnt packages of friction nthtcbes. That is a rceintiflc tact that is of v. y little valu-i to a man who comes home in tbe night, unash-s ev rything on the bureau in sea c .n g for a match, and real ize, that ait the 4 000 match power phos phorous coi.c.aled inside of him will not lit h; the gas. He ran awav from home, did this Drodieral and spynt hi? ptirimony in billiard saloons and lottery tickets, and had got down to hu la-t paper collar. lie returned to his purcnt s, ou; at the elbows and bankrupt in thfl matter of linen, and the very next day when he met an old neighbor who asked: "And did your father kill the fatted calf?" there was evidently a story in the ground, solved in part by his sullen reply: ''No, but be came blamed near kulin the prodi gab" . . Tho bride of a Green Bay (Wis.) wedding wr.s astonished by receiving from a friend a pair of trousers, with the message, "Loaned for the part you are to play." The bride groom construed the garment as an insult, and the guests unanimously agreed that tome decisive form of resentment ought to be shown. While the excitement was high, the friend arrived in equal perturbation and explained that the trousers should have gone to a fellow to wear in an amateur en tertainment, while a piece of silverware should have come to the wedding. He had hastily whipped the. blundering messenger, and would submit himself to aoy punish ment that the bride might inflict. She made him wait for his kiss until everybody else had been served. A nice looking young man, who seated himself in a well-filled ix'orth Side car, held in between his jeweled fingers the stump of a c'gr, giving out its dying fumes. They are not a pleasant odor even to old smokers, and in this case were specially vicious One bright little ilis, a dozen years old, saucily remarked so as to be heard, "If he will only throw it away, I will pick him up a longeV stump as soon as we get to the park." It was not long before that younz man went to the front platform to see a man. Chart I og the Jury. In a country place i n North Carolina some time after the War, they elected as Justice 01 tne I'eace an old white-haired negro, ig norant but honest, and well liked. His first case was a Jury trial. After the Pleading was over, the counsel informed his lonor that he could charge the Jury. "H'm charge the Jury?" "Yes. your Honor." "Wal, gemmen ob de Jury, it 'pears de case am trew, an' I got to close it wid de charge. ConsiJerin' de 'sperience you hab got, I think 1 will charge you two dollar an' half apiece." A Ntar Kout A flair. i Xorristo wr Herald A Xew York clergyman says: ''Love is a work of time. After it has taken fast hold of one it carrier him away with a mighty whir). Wh n love is twenty-one years old then it is tbe good oil stuff." There is not much "good old stuff" of that Bort in this world. After a young man goes to see a girl six or seven nights a week for ten or fifteen year?, love sort of gets weak in the knees and wobbles as if it were wrary and wanted to be propped up with something like a marriage certificate; and lorg before the twentieth year is reached, if the youag man is -not ''carried away with a mighty whirl," he is with her father's pedal, which is pretty much the same thing. Love that mutt be old enough to vote bef re it can travel in double harness is a glaring star route affair. UKLIOIOCS IXTKLLIGKNCE AMD INCI DENT. Of Engli-h speaking people, 13.500 000 are Itoman Catholics and 09,000,000 Prot estant. A church pew was lately advertised in Iwochoettr "commanding a beautiful view of the entire congrrgation." Tho twenty-fifth annual meeting of the General Association of Congregational Min isters and Churches of Indiana will be held in Michigan City May 10-12. The Presbyterian Synods now conform to State lines. That of Pennsylvania heffL tbe list with 131,054 communications; tbbt of New York has ISO 374; Ohio has C8 32G; New Jersey, 45.Ü57; Illinois, 42,280; In diana, 27 C78; Iowa, 20 812. Agreeable all around: "I purpose intro ducing some new features into the service," said liev. Mr. Textual. "All right," re marked Fogg. "New features in that pul pit are just what I have been longing for the last year or two." In the first decade of the Methodist Epis copal Church there was cne minister to every 190 members; in the fifth decade the proportion was one to 284. The present proportion is one minister to 147 members, against 142 in the ninth and tenth de cade?. The Christian Advocate, meatioiiDg the caee of an Irish girl who said she joined the Methodist Church "on suspicion" lor six months, says: We don't kno'W about the propriety of taking pf ople into tho Church on suspicion, but we think a considerable number might be let out on that ground." The Baptist Ministers' Conference, of Boston, by a vote of eighteen to twelve, has protested against the continuance of the modern political or civil fast days as pro claimed by the Governor. One great ob jection is that like Christmas and ottier holi days, it has been of late years, turned into a season of drinking, carousing and general vice. Said the pastor: 4,We never used to get any money in the contribution box, but lately I have arranged to have two or thre of out most prominent men and pretty girls stand in the vestibule while the people come in, so they can see who put the money in, and tbe box is doing qnite well." It takes a business man to run a Church as well as a circus. Boston Pott. It is a gratifying proof of modern toler ance that when the Church of the Incarna tion, of New York, was burned, the Jewish Tomple Emanuel, in common with Chris tian Churches, offered its hospitality to the homeless congregation, which was accepted, and Easter services were held, for tho first time on record, in a Hebrew svnagogue. In a speech last wek in New York, Dr. Porter, of the Reformed Church, affirmed: "Wo love and respect one another. ' But the Baptists would send me to perdition ui -less I was immersed." Whereupon the Baptist Weekly says: "When Dr. Porter reads the precept, 'Thou sbalt not bear false witnetb against thy neighbor," if it does blister bis tongue it will be Docause his con science is seaied as with a hot iroi." Bishop Merrill said to a Methodist Con ference in Providence, as to pastors engag intr in secular business: "The idea prevails anions some people that the Church pays th minister to preicb on Sundays. I d; not ho reard it. I understand that the Church urdertakes to support him for what he does during tbe w-ek. If you labor as you ous;ht, you will have no time for tho store or any thing else of a worldly oharater." The lt?v. Dr. Cuyler, cf Brooklyn, says that the experience of more than thirty-five years in temperance work convinces bin1 that not more than one per cent, of those who become utterly sottish .drunkards, can be refrmed and saved. He says that even though many cf these unfortunate persons may desire to do better, and may even go so far as to tako the pledge, the power of thir drinking habits is so strong that they Generally become backfclided. Dr. Cuyler s doctrine is that it is easier and wiser to keep men from becoming drunkards than to re store tbem after they have fallen into habit ual intoxication "Women Never Think. If the crabbed old bachelor who uttered this sentiment could but witness the intense thought, deep study and thorough investi gation of women in determining the best medicines to keep their families well, and would note their sacacitv and wisdom in selecting Hop Hitters as the best, and demonstrating it by keeping their famines in perpetual health at a mere nominal ex peiife, he would be forced to- acknowledge that men sentiments are baseless and false. Picayune. Alien's Brain Food positively cures nerv ousness, nervous debility and all weakness of generative organs; $1; six for All druggists. Bend for circular to Allen's Phar macy, 315 First avenue, New York. Bold in Indianapolis by Browning & Sloan. Ayer8 Hair Vigor restores .the color and stimulates the growth of the hair, prevents it from falling off, and greatly increases its txvautv. It has a delicate and. lasting per fume, its ineredienta are harmless, and for the toilet it is unequalled, A Ecmarkable Discovery. A LEAL SKIN CURE. THERE IS 0KLY O.VE, AXD THAT WITH SIMPLE KÄME. From the Heme Journal. Beware of Imposters, pirates, or any old articles which now suddenly claim to be best. They have been tried and found wanting, while this has been proved a remarkable success. HO POMPOUS NAME. This curative needs no pompons or Incompre hensible title of Greek or Latin to sustain it, but iu timple English name appeal directly to the cummonsense ol the people. Ana the oeonla am signally manifesting their appreciation of this irankness by selecting and using Dr. Benson's Skis Curb in preference to all other Ttrofeuied remedies. Dr. C. W. Benson baa long been well known as rU;.lVltUl .UU BUI-VU, BUU X11S Hie study has been the diseases of the nervous system and of the skin; since he has been persuaded to put his New Remedy and Favorite PrescripUon as a "Skin Cure''oa the market, various things have sprung up into existence, or have woke up from the sleepy state in which they were before, and now claim to be The Great 6kln Cures. Beware of imitations, or the various articles which have been advertised for years or struggled along, having no reel hold or merit on the public that now endeavor to ieep head above water by advertising themselves as "The Great Skin Cure. None is genuine and reliable except Dr. C. W Bensou's bkin Cure. Each package and bottle bears his likeness. Internal and external rem edy, two bottles in one package. Priee, fl; get at your druggist's. KKLIKF for all OVEBWOEKED ItUAIXS CAUSE AND CUKE. Dr. C. W. Benson's Celery and Chamomile Pills are valuable for school children who suffer from nervous headaches caused by an overworked Wain In their studies, and for all classes of hard brain-workers, whose overtasked norvons center need repair and sedation. Nervous tremor.weak ness and paralysis are being daily curea by these Pills,-- They correct costlveness, but are not par gative. Price, 50 cents, or six boxes for 12.50, postage free, to any address. For sale by all druggists. Depot, Baltimore. Md., where the Doctor can be addressed. Letters of inquiry freely answered. C. N. Crittenton, Niw York. 1c wholesale agent for Dr. C. W. Benson's remedies. POND'S EXTRACT. THE GREAT VEGETABLE PAIN DESTROYER AND SPECIFIC FOR INFLAMMATION AND HEM ORRHAGES. Rheumatism, Neuralgia. tlou has cured so many cases of these distress ing complaints as the Extract. Our Plaster it invaluable in these dixesses. Lumbano, Pains in the Back or Side, etc Our Ointment (50 cents), for use when removal of clothing in in convenient, is a great help in relieviug inflam matory cases. HnmnrrhanPQ Bleeding from the Lung, nUUIUi I tiayCO. stomach. Nose, or'from anyenuse. is speedily controlled and stopped Our Nasal Syringes (25 Cent) and Inhalers ($1) are great aids iu arresting internal bleeding. Diphtheria and Sdre Throat. S5 x tract promptly. It is a sure cure. Delay i dangerous. Poforrh The Extract Is tbe only specfßc for Ualallll. this disease. Cold In Head, etc Onr "Catarrh Cure," sjx-cülly prepared to mee serious ca es, contains all the curative pioier tirs of tne Extract; our Naal Syringe invalua ble for use in catarrhal aUVcÜODs, is simple ad unexpensive. Sores, Ulcers, Wounds, Sprains onr! Qpiueoo It 's healing, cooling and dliU DiUldCd. cleansipg. Use our Oint ment in connection with the Extract; it will u.id healing, softenlne. and tn keeping out the air. Burns and Scalds. SSSSSV rivaled, and should be kept in every family ready for use in case of accidents. A dr ss-iDg of oar O 'ucnent will aid ia liH'Ji aad pre vent scars. Inflamed or Sore Eyes. Jin 01 t the slightest fear of harm, quickly allaying ell inflammation and soreness without pain. Earache, Toothach3 and Face- nnkn 'When tbe Extract Is uned according aislic. to directions, its effect is simply wonderful. Pi I PC Blind, Bleeding, or Itching. It is the I IIC, greatest known remedy ; rapidly curing when other medicines have failed. Pond's Ex tract Medicated Paper for cWet use, is a pre ventive against Chafing and Piles. Our Oint ment is of great service where the removal of clothing is inconvenient. For Broken Breast and Sore NinnlpQ Tne Extract is ro cleanly and effi lllipiCSi cacious that mothers who have once used it will never be without it)ur Oint ment is the best emollient that can be apoHed. Female Complaints. dÄS in for the majority of female diseases If the Ex tract bo used. Full directions accompany each bottle. CAUTION. Pnnri'c ETvtraot Has been imitated. The rUIlU O CAUdUl genuine ha the words "Pond's Extract" blown in the glass, and our picture trade-mark on surrounding buff wrap per. None other is gennire. Always insist on having Fund's extract. Take no other prepar ation. It is never solcTTn. bulk, or by measnire. Price of Pond's Extract. Toilet Articles and Specialties. PONDS EXTRACT 5iic, 1 OOand 1.7.1 Toilet Cream. ...91 OO Catarrh Cnre. 75 Pentrilice VO;Plater 25 II Salve t.. 2 VTnhaler OO T.ilet Soap (3c) CO Xaitnl Syringe... 25 Ointmtnt.... fiopledica'd Paper 25 Prepared only hj PX1) S EXTRACT CO., NEW YORK AND LONDON. For sale by all Druggists and Fancy Goods Dealers. Orders for f2 worth, carriage free, on receipt of 2 25. Orders for J5 worth, carriage free, on re ceipts ot f 5, if addressed to 14 West 14th Street, Ne Y.rk. 1 fl IÜ00C I AMCC RANKS JLOOL JHIYILO (Complete Life of theo BoM Hlrnway A Ian nf thg twin Brotherrn, and I other bold outlaws of the border. Fally lllna- Itrateo. Uverwwpage. eito w iny ht UattlU Terms liberal. JktiKSTH WASTED. ASK th recovered rhtntli RiUnun Ruf. anRr7i!n ferera. Victims of Fever ttllliyklS Md Agne, the. Mer V i-T , vviurial-DiseasedPatient, f rVrW how they recovered y ifyr Health, Cheerful Snlr- J. -rv lf. ixt ftood Annelite. tney will tell you by takirg Simmons Liver Rr.uiLAToa. For Dyspepnia, Con stipation, Jaundice, Bilious Attacks. Sick Headache. Colic. Degression of Spirits, Sour Stomach, Heart Burn, Etc., Etc., IT HAS NO EQUAL. This unrivalled Southern Remedy is warranted not to contain a simgle particle of Mercury, o any injurious mineral substance, but u PUBELY VEGETABLE. It you feel drowsy, debiltu- ted, have frecnt headache, mo ith tastes badly, poor appeOUund too rue coated. y a are i fieri rg from torpid ilver or "biliousness," and nothing will cure, you so speedily and peimanent y as to take k SIMMONS UYER REGULATOR. It Is given with safety and the happiest results to the most delicate infants. It tck es the place of qninir.e and bitters of e ery kind. It la the cheap est, purest and best family medlcWeln the world. Buy only the Genuine in Wbt Wrapper, with red Z, prepared only by J. H. ZEILIN Sc 00. Bold by all Druggists 37 Court Place, LOUISVILLE, KY. mo Meerufiil, u his pricuo vul pro. Cure all forma f PRIVATE CHRONIC sv&d SEXUAL I) LS ASES. Spermatorrhea and Impotencj utharmlt f ntf-.bu la Tth, mal mi ia M wiw rearm, r tlMT aaam. as4 prod a f u, knriac rUmou: Kvtmimm, 6aiaal aiht i.ii. t'not br dreaaa). Dlianeat f filfBt, Dfairt Mcrory. pkf. MralfraaT.PiaiMaM rar. Jtarooa taSacwtT t Irctkra, Coafuaoa af litra. Im .1 bczaal Nt liaiinin, namigc ImprsrT ar aahanr, ra Uaraatj aa4 f laii Bifly cared. SYPHILIS PUT"7 aaa aa. VU1 jia; Gonorrhea, GLiHET, Buietar. Orcaiua. Raraia, t JUuwuai. Pitt and uUrr prtrau dm.in qukrkly rani. It is arlf-evMtM that a phy rtciaa wae pan aprcial attntlea ta a eenata etan af diaaai, aaa treatin Uk-xiuudi ana. I'J. acquire, (ivat wiiL PhTurtaa koovtsr tbu fact tftra reramnitBd prrmi ta hit car a. Waea It i locaemurct ta "' ta cut for imtB, BMdlriM aaa ba ae&i pmalclr and uf.!j by nail ar cxpraa. aajwbar. Cares Guaranteed In all Case undertaken. .uxiiuiiioo praualVr ar Irr Irttar f aa4 !"i'd. Caaifca reaniahia aa4 Oirraatmaaaaoa atrieüy cpaCqaa'-aU PRIVATE COUNSELOR Of W0 parra, t ta any addma, awirrlT araMicr thirty (Vr rrnia. Sooaid t rrad tr aU. addma aa ab f!x fcoma fro IA.M.f.M. fioadaja, SWS P.aW mm and .retire taa R V anraniac". or ifr t ' JC cxpenncr aa runib: lOBH-a.-.rrYn l-ki.!i.T, laapotrar), Orvaat Yteaknraa, lionerruo-a. pbiliCr !.l Mrrrarfai AKrrltoba apnluliy tr-att-4 ni iruu: I'lra, wiii Jr aa4 rr riMedi.. . I arit ..i ; of uoer (rMiM(rriu(nia Katarr.iMHti.i-B lariradOma.'V aM k-ara x.airtaiKC la HM-iradTaalar lttalalri. !" "i:. HI TT 1 ih KU M. LIt, Ba HSTAKtj!IIKI WVKK TllIliTV VKAKS. IIr0!0 Pr1lllff,i tr i riT-T ,f r -aaaiKU aal S.,i praa'. el " -SZ- .5iPR3F.KAKRl3PA3T4U. RfJ.3. . ' I '""f d vjvn ah' tbB rrata Srr,Mt ui Phr.ioai 0abil i;.T. Prrraainrc Eltiataaa Sd4 tiirir man, tUaai - TIM Remedy la pnt a? la oaiea. Ka. I (ia.un a aaonth), SS. a. S (canetrh larSrct arura. bbItm ia r-rr un SI I ka. S (latin(t three luooth), tut by nail la piaiä rappera. Dlnrtia IW I lac rraaipaay rara Hat. Pamptkt dearrl. Mug UUa Ataeaae aal aaada a cui. mt aaaied oa appiicatiaa. Ayer's CatliarticPills For all the Purposes of a Family rhj-sif, Coetivenesa, Jaundice, DyFpepma. Inditreation. lyentery. Foul stomach and Breath. Headache, Erysipelas. Mles.Kheum- atiKMi.Eruptionaand Skin Hiseases, Btiionsnew, Liver Complaint, Dropsv, Tetter. Tumors and 8 tit Bheum. Worms. Gsut. IX2?se,,rlEl. as a Dinner r -mi Pill, and Purifying the uioa, are tne mott ron genial purgative yet perfected. Their effects abundantly show how much they excel all other Pills, They are. safe and pleasant to take, but powerful to cure. They purpe out th foul hu mors of the blood ; they Mi mu late the sluppihh or disordered organs into action; and they impart health and tone to the whole belnsr. Theycuie not only the everv day complaints of everybody, tut formidable cud dauzerous diseases. Most skillful physicians, moM eminent clenrymen, and mir bet citizens, send rertificates of "cures per formed, and of ltiefits derived from these Pills. They aie the salest and best physic for children, t ecause mild as weil as effectual. Being supsr coated, they are easy ta take: and beisg purely vegetable, they are entirely tiarmle. PREPARED BY DR. J. C. AYER & CO, Lowell Haa, Practical and Analytical Chemists. ?)ld by all Driiepists tr.d Dealers in Medicine. It is the result mf 20 yeari experienre a exrerimeuta In Hewln slachinea. It caaiMaaa tX good point of allprwmt and onatr nalei, and h not a " one man or "one idea " machine, as others are. It avoids the del'ccta ef ethers, and pos. reaiea new and raiuabu features and cosvenienoea. It Is larya. ii'aJkl-rwamtfty, nMr Jhoarfaoaw, M reUnt, durable, and rim pi. Va.rrftnlc4 k4 keptlarepaJplreefopöyenr. 1rculariUi f ail döBcriplion nt free on riut. 1 1 is purely th bet A nl will rrove it Ion fail to nee it IW or you buy. MmurArTTBiD b 1 1 IXjRU CK G1X. P. BS I. fcl and 13 Jackaon bt, ChicaV THE GREAT ENGLISH REM Never fnils to care Ne lius Debility, Vital Ea 'nauHiion, Emissions, -minal VeRkuess,L.OSl II AN HOOD, and all th vil effwta of youttrfr follies and exconei. "tops permanently a wenkenine, mvoluntai ousts ard drains urKX system, the iuevitab tiiiltof these evil pia ices, -which are so dt trtictive to mind ant body and make life mis erable, often leading to Inanity and death. It strengthens the Nerves. Brain, (memory) Blood, Muscles, Digestion and Recuperative Orfraus, It restores to all the organic functions their formet vigor and vitality, making life cheerful and en Joyable. Price. $3 a bottle, or four times tat quantity for flO. ent by express, secure from obe rvatlon, to any addretw. on receiot of prioa. No C. O. D. sent, except on receipt of fl as auar anue. Letters requesting answers must inclose tamp. KXtiLISB MEDICAL IXSTITIT8, 7!- Oliv t.. ct wt. Mo, IS A SURE CURE for all Kidney Complaints and for all disease of the LIVER. Zt haa specUle actio oa ttiia moat Important organ, enabling it Vi throw ofT torpidity and fnatinw, a-H -nninH-ifr thohealtliy secretion of tho B-1, and by keseping tho bowel la tre ooaditioa, eSteting Its regulär diacharfo. , If you are bilto, dyspepäc, constipated, or nSering front makria, Zidaey-Wort is da remedy you need. FAIL NOT TO TRY IT. x PRICE $1. SOLO BY DRUCCISTS. UN 30 DAYS' TRIAL! We will Send on 30 Davs' Trial Or. Dye's Electro-Voltaic Belts, Suspenso ries, and obT Klotrlo Appliances To MEN suffering from Sorvous Dobillty, Lont Vitality etc, sneedily restoring Health sad Manhood. Alan fur Kheamatism, FaralyaU, Liver and Kldnef TrouMw, tnd man ther diseases. llluRtrated pamphlet free. Address VOLT 1IC HKLT CO., Marshall, Mtch. AÜMS?JH1TE UOUgL The 0XLY Eook 1 1 of the kind 3 I ever pub's VT?l' IJTlTTTnK A HlSTOTtYnf erety l,-.Ia i A.ImiB.ratina r Waiuri'i.n iun.ciur.rii t.mt. i:h oeraoStel ForrraiB i - i . .v - ii u... li vfi, mfifainrof the Hommtf the Prrtirlenri. Lad a Wra !! rc t. (-. Trry sixxaasAil ia artlia thi a n-oiltsWatlted book. Sendlb,Crtular.Äa ""' tlarlaaatt Ohl. TART LI NO DISCOVERY 1 Lost manhood restorzo A viotim of yoathfnl imprudence csusöig Pr tare Decay, Nenroua Debility, Lost Manhood, having tried in vain every known mnedy, haar covered a simple self cur. Vhich be wül iJ to Lis füDow-STifferers, address J. II. UEL I 43 Chatham teU X. Y. 4 rvCTS. for the Star Spangled Banner for X m lJ Nothing like It; 20tn yr. Spaires. Ulus Soef mens FRKK. Address Banner. Hinsdale. N.f a, TATITR SlJTia , ia,ii aaiiaaUiaa,aa Aci'a,falaüi falauaa, LS.. T 0