Wharton Golden Specific in Hi:
POWERS PLANNED DEED.
riot, He Insists,
Not Only to Kill
Goebel but Also Sufficient Number
or legislators to Give Taylor Working
Frank'ort, Ky., March 27.—Protect
ed by a guard of fifteen soldiers, T.
.Wharton Golden of Barbourville, the
star witness for the commonwealth in
the case of Secretary of State Caleb
Powers, charged with being accessory
before the fact to the assassination of
William Goebel, Saturday told a tale
that has startled and shocked Ken
tucky from center to borde
If what Golden said upon the witness
stand in the Franklin County court is
true—and his reputation for veracity
stands unimpeached—men of high sta
tion not only plotted to have Goebel
murdered, but actually contemplated
the slaughter of other democratic
members of the legislature for the pur
pose of giving the republicans a ma
jority in both houses of the legislature.
Golden's evidence was tremendously
sensational throughout, and twice he
broke down completely under the
strain, and required the services of a
After detailing his personal and po
litical intimacy with Secretary of State
•Powers, witness declared that the lat
ter had sent him to Harlan county to
tell Postmaster Hirot to send down
ten men who were regular mountain
feudists,»"men who would stand up,
and, if necessary, go into that legisla
tive hall and kill off enough to make
it in our favor. We wanted men who
had good Colt's 45s.
In answer to furthar questions, Gold
en said Powers gave him $160 to give
to Judge Bingham in Bell county. He
gave some of it to Bingham to send ten
men down to Frankfort. The witness
identified a receipt for $50 given by
Bingham. The witnsss also said he
gave Mr. Howard $73.80 for ten tickets
to Frankfort and return. He knew
dome of the men from Bell county.
The men, a good many of them, were
mountain feudists. In all, about 1,200
or 1,500 men were brought to Frank
fort. They were fed back of the state
house. Capt. Davis and Charles Fin
ley provided the provisions. "We sent
most of them back that night, but
about 175 men of the mountaineers
brought to Frankfort remained here to
«ee that we got justice. We under
stood what they were kept here for.
We knew that those men were here to
go Into that legislative hall, and, if
necessary, clean out the democrats
enough to make a majority on our
The above created a sensation in
the courtroom. Golden said he was in
the executive building on the day be
fore the shooting. He met Caleb Pow
ers in Gov. Taylor's ante-room and
agreed to go with him to Louisville.
man had a tall^oncerning the closing
of Secretary Powers' office during the
"I had my back turnad," Golden said,
but when I turned I saw John Powers
/ive the key to the man. John Pow
ers said to me, 'Goebel is going to be
killed this morning.' I said, 'This must
not be done.'
"They had two negroes there to kill
Goebel. John Powers told me so.
They were Hockersmith and Dick
Ooombs. I saw Dick Coombs at a drug
store near the depot every morning for
•a week or so previous to the shooting.
Coombs, talking to a man named Wal
lace, in my presence, said: 'D
him, I know him as far as I can see
him, and I can kill him as far as I can
see him.' He was talking of Goebel.
This conversation was in the adjutant
generals office. He also said, 'I know
his every movement, and I can hit him
as far as I can see him.' He carried a
Colts 32 that shoots a Wrinchester
cartridge, six or eight inches in the
barrel. Coombs was in the assistant
adjutant-general's office on the morn
ing of the shooting with Hockersmith
and Jim Wallace.
"R. J. Howard of Harlan county
came up and he talked to Taylor. He
Insisted on Taylor's calling on the mi
litia. Taylor said, 'My God, you peo
ple must do something first' adding,
'I can get the militia quick enough!
You fellows must act first.' By that I
understood we fellows must raise a
riot in the senate chamber. Goebel
was there. As I told you this morn
ing, we would clean out enough of that
legislature to make it our way."
Taylor Calls for Federal Help.
Louisville, Ky., March 27.—Gov. de
Facto W. S. Taylor has officially noti
fied President McKinley and Secretary
of War Root that there is danger of
conflict between two armed forces at
the Kentucky capital.
President Will Not Aof.
Washington, March 27—It is au
thoritatively declared that the admin
istration will take no action in the
Kentucky affair, unless the situation
should become acute.
Baxter and Lemieux Guilty.
7 Montreal, March 27.—James Baxter,
the Montreal broker, and Ferdinand
Lemieux, former accountant of the de
funct Vllle Marie bank, charged with
conspiracy to defraud the bank of a
large sum of money, have been found
guilty, the jury, however joining in a'
recommendation to mercy.
Bothschlld's Auto Too Shabbr.
Paris, March 27.—At the automobile
carnival at Nice the committee refused
to allow Henry Rothschild's motor
cart to take part in the procession be
cause It was too poorly decorated
Satisfactory Arrangements with 81emana
Ss Halske Company.
Chicago, March 27.—An agreement
fias been concluded between the Inter
national Association of Machinists and
the Slemans & HaNke Electric works
which will probably i, Ait an end to tho
machinists' strike in Chicago. The
compact Is In toe nature of a com
promise, but Is intact a victory for the
i.unlon. 'The agreement foreahadowi
By tho signing of the compact between
300 and 400 machinists will go to work
at once, and it is believed th&t uie oth
er manufacturers in Chicago will fol
low the example of the Siemans &
Strikers Gain Ground In Cleveland.
Cleveland, Ohio, March 27.—Fully 10
per cent of the striking machinists
went to work this morning, thirteen
factories having granted their de
mands. This does not mean that the
strike is nearing a settlement, as only
some of the smaller concerns have given
in. The larger factories are expected
to fight tooth and nail, and- cause a
long, stubborn struggle, which will in
volve hundreds of other workmen.
FIGHT FOR SNELL ESTATE.
Trying to Save Lyman's Assailant.
agreement are the most liberal which church—the pulpit of Beecher and'Ly
liave so far been concluded between man Abbott—flung Sunday this defl
employers and employes, and the de- ance at the doctrines of the Presbyte
mands of the union have for the most
part been conceded. It is the general
Mrs. stone, it Is Claimed, Bus No
Chicago, March 27— A contest of the
will of Henrietta Snell in the Probate
court was begun Saturday. One witness
was heard and the matter went over
until March 30. Only one of the wit
nesses to the will, De Witt H. Curtin
of 409 Washington boulevard, was
present. Mrs. Anna A. Cheney of 436
Washington boulevard, who had
signed the instrument as a witness,
was ill, it was said, and would not be
able to appear for several days.
Mr. Curtin testified in the most posi
tive terms to the testator's sanity and
unbiased self-control. Mrs. Stone, It
is claimed, was neither a natural nor
even an adopted daughter of Mrs.
NeV York's 111,- Ditch llegtin.
New York, March 27.—Ground was
broken for the $35,000,000 rapid transit
tunnel Saturday with appropriate
ceremonies in City Hall park. After
some speeches August Belmont, presi
dent of the construction company,
handed the silver spade to Mayor Van
Wyck. The mayor took off his silk hat,
placed it beside the hole in the ground,
sprang in, and sending the spade deep
in the earth, took up a spadeful and
dumped it into his hat. President Orr
took out the second spadeful of earth.
Vice-President John H. Starin was
next, and he was followed by August
Belmont and John E. McDonald, the
contractor. Then in turn the silver
spade was wielded by Commissioners
Reives, Langdon and Jesup and Comp
troller Coler, and the ceremony was at
Chicago, March 27.—Strenuous ef
foH^^g being made byjtl^JSast Ch.i.
ca'SW'enue po\v:/3 toliave the shoot
ing of t-Alderman William H. Lyman
by Assemblyman John F. O'Malley ap
pear as an accident. Dr. Crowe, how
ever, who extracted a bullet and
dressed the wounds, insists that two
wounds had been inflicted by O'Malley
and that they were caused by two bul
lets, thus disposing of the accident
story. Notwithstanding this feat the
police exhibited O'Malley's revolver
with only one empty cartridge, but it
was intimated that a loaded cartridge
had been inserted in the place of one
of the discharges, so as to make it ap
pear that only one shot was, fired.
Yukon a Fine Cycle Fatb.
Tacoma, Wash., March 27.—The
mighty Yukon river has been convert
ed into a winter bicycle path. The
most wonderful trip of the arctic cy
cling season was made in February by
Morris Levy, between Dawson and Cir
cle City, a distance of 3C5 miles, which
Levy made in three days and four
hours, or at a gait of better than 100
miles a day. Among those starting
over the Dawson-Nome trail last
month were two women, both riding
bicycles. The trail is pronounced ex
cellent for wheeling, the Yukon ice
being smooth for long stretches.
Many Women Register at Canton.
Canton, Ohio, March 27.—Registra
tion returns show that about 1,500
women have qualified to vote here for
members of the board of education.
The city is so close politically that
these women hold the balance of
power. There is a bitter fight on the
American Book company.
Rabbi Wlie Critically III.
Cincinnati, Ohio, March 27.—Dr. I.
M. Wise, the venerable rabbi, whose
fame extends throughout the country
among Gentiles as well as Jews, is ly
ing at his home, on Mound street, dan
Hindoo Frinee and Hoodoo Menu*
New Haven, Conn., March 27.—A
self-styled Hindoo Prince, and who is
working out a sentence for defrauding
a local hotel proprietor, complains bit
terly of the fare at the prison.
Chicago Sport Win* S37,500.
Hot Springs, Ark., March 27.—One
hour and ten minutes' play over the
faro table of the Southern club Satur
day made a difference of $37,500 in
favor of Matt Hogan, the well-known
Chicago sport and wine agent, who had
been playing the horses in Leo Mayer's
poolroom with varying success for the
last two weeks, "piking" along until
he had got to the good about $2,00C.
Miss Sampson to Marry Ensign Clnrerlus
Boston, Mass., March 26.—The mar
riage of -Miss Hannah Walker Samp
son, youngest daughter of Rear Ad
miral William T. Sampson, to Ensign
Wat Tyler Cluverius, U. S. N., is to
take place on the evening of April 5
at the commandant's house at the
Charleston navy yard.
Bonds Allotted to Americans
New York, March 27.—J. P, Morgan
have received official notification
from England of the allotment to
American subscribers of British war
bonds. A little more than $3,000,000
of the bonds will come to this country,
'he American subscription^ were
amMiL exceeding $50,000.
Plymouth's as tor Abjures Westminster
Brooklyn, March 27.—Newell Dwlght
The terms of the Hillis, from the pulpit of Plymouth
church, in which he had grown
up and t0 whkh he oweg
opinion among labor men that other 'Honpo. «.t
manufacturers will find the terms so CTn wL I?
nst in the face of the Eternal and fling
advantageous that the end of this weak
will see the termination of tho machin
ists' strike in Chicago. The union is
recognized, but the mediation of the
"business agent" is diminished. The
union rate of wages will be 28 cents,
and 32% cents for die and tool makers.
One apprentice is allowed for every
five machinists and one for the shop at
large. An arbitration board is provid
every vile epithet toward the stainless
throne, where eternal mercy sits with
fhe world's atoning Savior, than lift
my hand with that creed toward God's
throne and affirm that I taught or be
lieved it." Beginning his sermon with
a statement of the great importance
that ideals of the future life have for
Men, he quickly made the assertion
that until evolution came the world
had no data for an adequate discussion
of the problems of right and wrong
and penalty. He placed himself fairly
and squarely upon the ground that
both nature's penalties and God's pun
ishments represent, not anger, but me
dicinal love, that they are not to break
the bruised reed, but to briftg growth
HORLOCKER CONFESSION OUT.
Eva Stewart's Sensational Testimony Is
Hastings, Neb., March 27.—Judge
Adams, who is hearing the Horlocker
Morey poisoning case, ruled that all of
the testimony of Eva Stewart detail
ing Julia's confession of her love for
Mr. Morey, and of their subsequent re
lations, should be stricken from the
record. Miss Stewart was recalled for
cross-examination by the state and
was asked if it was before or after
Miss Horlocker had asked to make a
confidante of her that Miss Horlocker
related to her the story as told by* the
witness. She replied that it was after
ward. Upon this the testimony was
stricken out, and the testimony of Wit
ness Franklin that Miss Horlocker told
him she was in love with a married
man was also stricken from the record
on the same grounds. The defense
made no objection beyong saving the
usual exception. It is announced that
expert witnesses will prove that Miss
Horlocker is afflicted with nympha
mania, and therefore sexually a per
vert and mentally unsound.
NEGR0S' MODEL GOVERNMENT.
Pedro Faterno Expected to Surrender
in a Few Days.
Manila, March 27.—Gen. Hughes,
military commander of the island of
Panay. has arrived here from Iloilo for
the purpose of consulting with Gen.
Otis. He says that the island of Negros
has a model civil government. Every
thing is peaceful there, and the crop
outlook is excellent. The situation in
Cebu is improving. In Panay, how
ever, the natives are restive, and Gen.
Hughes expects that some campaign
ing will be necessary. Pedro Paterno,
who was the head of the Filipino na
tional assembly, proposes to surrender
to the Americans. He is exp.ected to
arrive at San Fernando de la Union
some time this week and give himself
up. The authorities are dealing se
verely with newspapers which try to
cause trouble with the natives. The
mothers of Aguinaldo and Mabini,
formerly Filipino minister of foreign
affairs, are still kept under guard here.
They are not allowed to talk with na
Farmers Plan a Supply Combine.
Kokomo, Ind., March 27.—The farm
ers in this section of Indiana have
gone into a combine. This week ten
carloads of grocers' sundries were
shipped to the farmers of Howard and
adjoining counties. More than 200
farmers were at the station with wag
ons to haul the goods home, some of
them driving thirty miles for them.
The farmers claim they save 10 to 15
per cent of the prices charged by re
tailers and get better goods. Similar
shipments, it is said, will be made ev
ery three months.
Bold Bank Robbery,
Hardy, Neb., March 27—The Nation
al bank of Hardy was looted by four
robbers at 4 o'clock Saturday morning.
The entire front of the building was
blown out and the vault was hurled
in pieces into the middle of the street,
the thieves secured $10,000 and $500
in gold was picked up in the streets.
The robbers escaped in a spring wag
on. Bloodhounds and fifty men are
Dunlap, Crack Cracksman, Caught.
Chicago, March 27.—James Dunlap,
prince of bank robbers, and the most
expert safe cracker that ever handled a
drill, who was concerned in the blow
ing of the Manhattan bank safe in New
York when the vaults were robbed of
nearly half a million dollars in cur
rency, was arrested by Central station
detectives Saturday night, and will be
held until half a dozen recent safe
blowings in Chicago are explained. At
the time of his arrest he was carrying
a black hand satchel containing a full
set of finely wrought steel drills, which
had seen recent use. In the satchel
was $126.70 in gold and silver, mostly
coins of small denomination, evidently
the proceeds of safe robbery.
In Jail Instead of In Grave.
Cincinnati, Ohio, March 27.—Charles
Morthaler, a cabinet-maker, of 1527
Race street, in a drunken craze on
Saturday night tried to hang himself
from a rafter in the attic of his home.
Three times the rope broke, and while
he was getting ready for the fourth
attempt policemen arrived and took
him into custody. He had been drink
ing heavily and had taken no food for
Nethersole Has Brain Fever.
New York, March 27.—Miss Olga
Nethersole is suffering from brain fe
ver. The illness of the actress has tak
en a most decided turn for the worse.
She is in a grave condition, and the
actress on this account has not been
informed of her indictment by the
Auditor for Cathollo University.
Rome, March 27.—The pope has
nominated Bishop Marchetti as the
auditor of the Catholic university at
Loyalists Thrown Into Prison
West of Kimberley.
KRUGER AND STEYN AT ODDS.
Information Received at nimberlcy
from Native Runners Claims That
Boers Are Retiring (tou E:oon
London, I.Iarch 27.—The following
has been received from Barlcly West
under date of Saturday: "Griquatown
was reoccupied Thursday by 400 Boers.
A column left Kimberley yesterday
(Friday) to drive them out. It is re
ported that all the loyalists there, in
cluding the women, have been impris
Another dispatch, this from Kimber
ley, under same date, says: "Prison
ers brought in here report that a force
of British cavalry has entered the
Transvaal and penetrated to a point
eighteen miles north of Christiana.
The British forces at Fourteen
Streams are being strengthened. A
movement northward is expected
It is reported this morning that the
Boers are retiring from Kroonstadt.
This information also comes from'
Kimberley, where it was probably re
ceived by a native runner. It seems
scarcely probably, however, that the
burghers would retire from such a
strongly intrenched position as Kroon
stadt without being compelled to do so,
and as Lord Roberts has not yet made
a move, too much Importance need
not be attached to the report.
It is rumored at Springfontein that
the Boer committee at Kroonstadt has
deposed President Steyn, while at
Bloemfontein President Kruger's an
nexation proclamation Is treated with
ridicule. There seems to be a general
consensus of opinion among the cor
respondents that Presidents ICruger
and Steyn are at daggers drawn, but
no one apparently understands the
policies of the two presidents.
Soutli African Dominion Planned.
London, March 27.—It is understood
that the committee of the British cabi
net which has been deliberating on the
political future of South Africa in gen
eral and the Boer republics in particu
lar has already decided to provide for
a governor general for all South Africa
and form federated governments,
patterned after the Dominion of Can
Belgian Transvaal Concessions Void.
Brussels, March 27.—It is announced
that President Kruger has annulled
the Belgian railway concessions in the
Transvaal. Much Belgian capital is
invested in these concessions, and
grave commercial complications are
likely to result. The concessionaries
claim that they were compelled to
bribe Kruger and his council.
Dr. Leyds IuTlted by Deleanne.
-PMva., M&neJi .27.—It ia said that Dr.
Leyds, the Transvaal diplomatic agent,
will attend the banquet which M. Del
casse, the minister of foreign affairs,
tenders to the diplomatic corps on
Kipling nas a "Sit" Once More.
Bloemfontein, March 27.—Rudyard
Kipling is hard at work in the office of
the "Friend," a newspaper that is edit
ed by the war correspondents for Gen.
MANY PEACH BUDS KILLED.
Loss In One Orchard In Michigan Fruit
Belt Is 22 Per Cent.
South Bend, Ind., March 26.—Hol
land Morrill of Berrien county, Michi
gan, in the celebated peach belt, whose
remarkable peach crop in last year's
unfavorable season justified the United
States government in having many or
chard views taken for the Paris ex
position, has just made an exhaustive
investigation in his orchard to dis
cover the result of the last winter
upon the peach buds.
He selected belts in the lowlands,
the most unfavorable fo,r peaches, and,
as a result, found that the peaCh buds
killed ranged from 12 per cent among
the Fitzgerald variety to 35 pr cnt of
the St. John's. His most celebrated
peach, the Elberta, shows a 22 per
cent loss the Lewis, 20 per cent, and
the Kalamazoo 20 per cent, making
an average loss of 22 per cent. Mr.
Morrill eays that with twice that per
centage of loss the fruit would require
thinning. It is estimated that last
year, when peaches were nearly every
where a failure, Mr. Morrill cleared
$12,000 by his peach crop.
SAYS ARMY PERSECUTES HIM.
Balllngton Booth Gives Reasons fov
Changing Ills Son's Name.
New York, March 26.—A special to
the Tribune from Montclair, N.' J., says
that Commander Ballington Booth,
when asked about changing the name
of his son from William Booth to
Charles Brandon Booth, said that he
and Mrs. Booth would give reasons for
their action when the application was
made to the court which would be sat
isfactory to the public. He added:
"However, there has been a report
which has been made to the .press
which I wish to correct—viz., that'ev
erybody thought the salvation army
and the Volunteers of America, of
which I am president, are on the most
friendly terms. So' far as the Volun
teers are concerned, they have sought
to avoid opposition, friction and any
bitterness, but all the Salvationists
could do to thwart our purposes, to
injure our &use, and.to influence our
officers has been done. Not satisfied
with the cruel treatment to Mrs.
Booth, not satisfied with calling our
people "traitors' and 'devils,' their
leader, Commander Boo.th-Tucker, has
openly in their councils told their of
ficers to pray forflur downfall.''
Commission to Visit Orient.
Washington, March 27.—The senate
Saturday passed a bill authorizing the
president to appoint a commission of
five to study the commercial and In
dustrial conditions of Chlqa and
Japan. The bill carries an appropria
tion of $76,000 to defray the expenses
of the commission which to stay
abroad at least a year.
President Signs $2,000,000 Ap
FORAKER BILL RECOMMITTED.
House Tariff Provision to Be Separated
from Administrative Measure for
Separato Vote on Thursday if roc
Pcerto Hlcan Roller Bill £l~ncl.
Washington, March 27.—The Puerto
Rican appropriation bill was signed by
the president Saturday afternoon.
House Passes Relief Bill.
Washington, March 26.—After a
brief and spirited debate the house
Saturday took the last congressional
pteps in completing the Puerto Rico
relief bill, agreeing to the conference
report by a vote of 135 to 87. The bill
turns over to the president for the use
of Puerto Rico about $2,000,000 of cus
toms receipts collected on Puerto Rico
goods up to Jan. 1 last and such
amounts as may hereafter accrue until
otherwise provided by law. The de
bate lasted an hour, but in this time
the range of Puerto Rico legislation
Foraker Bill Recommitted.
Washington, March 27.—For a few
minutes in the senate Saturday sur
prise, bordering on almost consterna
tion in some quarters, was created by
a request of Mr. Fpraker that the
Puerto Rican government bill be re
committed to the Puerto Rican com
mittee. During the elucidation of his
request Mr. Foraker indicated that it
was his purpose to separate the bills
and press the Puerto Rican tariff bill
to an early vote, his desire being to
have the vote taken not later than
next Thursday, probably amended so
as to have the duty apply only to ex
ports to the United States proper, and
not to imports from this country.
House Asks Light on Open Door,
Washington, March 27.—On Satur
day the house adopted the favorable
report from the committee on foreign
relations on the resolution of inquiry
into the matter of maintenance of the
open-door policy in China by which
the president is requested to transmit
to the house the correspondence on
Want Caban Railway Concession*
Washington, March 27.—Sir William
Van Horne, managing director of the
Canadian Pacific railway Gen. Gren
ville M. Dodge and Gen. Samuel
Thomas had a conference Saturday
with the secretary of war regarding
their plan for a complete railway sys
tem to gridiron Cuba, with a line
the entire length of the island at the
Rust Week for Congress.
Washington, March 27.—The army
appropriation bill will be taken up to
day and doubtless wt|^erve for a text
for a wide latltude^Hfeteussion on
military affairs.' Tn^atter plirt' oi the
week will be devoted to the naval, the
agricultural or the fortifications appro
In the senate, Puerto Rico, accord
ing to present indications, will step
aside temporarily at the beginning of
the week in order to afford Senator
Carter an opportunity to secure con
sideration for his Alaskan code bill.
•The present condition of affairs in
Alaska and the prospect of a still
greater influx of people into that ter
ritory make the Alaskan legislation
Tribute to Indiana's War Govtrnoc.
Washington, March 27.—The statue
of Oliver Perry Morton was formally
presented to the nation Saturday by
the state of Indiana. Charles W. Fair
banks, the senior senator from that
state, made the presentation speech.
Senator Beveridge also spoke briefly,
but eloquently, in eulogy of Mr. Mor
ton, making covert but pointed refer
ence to his predecessor's fearless inde
pendence as a republican, stalwart as
appricable to the current complica
tions over the Puerto Rican tariff.
Oen. Wherler on Waiting Order.
Washington, March 27—After sever
al conferences between Gen. Wheeler
and the administration it was an
nounced that the war department had
temporarily disposed of his case by
placing him on waiting orders. This
action retains Gen. Wheeler in the
service of the United States until op
portunity is had to determine whether
he shall be given an active command,
made the subject of a special retire
ment act or mustered out of the mili
tary service in company with' Gens
Lee and Logan.
Relief for 5,000,000 Needed.
Washington, March 27.—The secre
tary of state is informed by a cable
telegram from the viceroy of India,
Baron Curzon of Keddleston, in reply
to offers of aid to the sufferers from
the famine in India, that, while the
India department is endeavoring to
fulfill its duty to save 5,000,000 per
sons from starvation, contributions
frcm any American friends of India
will be thankfully received.
American Flans for Filipinos.
Washington, March 27.—Col. Allen
C. Blakewell, commander Lafayette
post, G. A. R., and Col. Brown, adju
tant of the commandery, have ar
ranged with Secretary Root to send
500 regulation United States flags to
the Philippines, to be distributed to
the officials of the towns and villages
throughout the islands, as was done
in the case of Puerto Rico.
Vnqnls Attack Mexicans.
El Paso, Tex., March 26.—News has
reached here of an engagement' be
tween the Yaqui Indians and Mexican
troops that occurred last Monday. The
Indians, who have strong fortifications
in the Bacatete mountains, made a
sortie and attacked the Mexican troops
encamped a few miles distant in the
valley. They drove in the Mexican
outposts, but after brisk firing that
lasted for two hours were repulsed by
the main body. The loss on either
Uda was inalsatfflcantfc
OUR BUDGET OF FUN
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED. v,
A Variety of Quips, Gibes and Ironies
to Causa a Smile Flotsam and
Jetsam from the Tide of Humor—
A Parting Shot.
She had presented him with the
marble heart, and as she was about to
remove his hat from the hall rack for
the last time he said:
"Perhaps it is better so, and but for
one thing I should not regret your de
"Indeed!" she exclaimed in surprise,
"and what is that one thing?"
"Listen, cruel one, and I will tell
you," he answered. "Had we married
and gone to housekeeping I should
have been spared the expense of buy
ing a refrigerator."
Vicar's Daughter (to Giles, whose,
wife has been kicked to death by a
cow)—"I was so distressed to hear the
dreadful news, John, how it must have
Giles—"It did, Miss, but what a
mercy I wasn't a mllkin' of the coo
Coming to the Front.
Jingle—"I knew that fellow Storms,
the comedian, would come to the
Weller—"And he has, has he?"
"Yes. You remember he used to
play the part of the hind legs of the
elephant in the pantomime?"
"Well, now he's playing the front
Chance for Atbletefl.
Farmer—"Yes, I want a man. Are
you a good jumper?"
Applicant—"Jumper? Well, yes."
"You could jump a barbed wire
fence without much trouble, I s'pose?"
"Uh—I s'pose so."
"Well, that's all right then you'll
dp. You see some of our bulls is a
leetle wild."—New York Weekly. ,•
Pearls and Tears.
"What splendid pearls the bride has!
How can a man give his bride pearls?
Th?y mean tears."
"Oh, that's superstition. Besides,
they are imitation pearls."
"Well, if she knows that, the tears
will be genuine, at any rate."—Flie
No Time Wasted.
Betty—You say you never turn
down the light when Jack comes?
Betty—Why, how unsociable.
Letty—Jack doesn't think so.
Betty—How do you account for It?
Letty—Well, you see, I never turn It
No Dancer of Investigation.
"Aren't you afraid to put that Latin
title in your club paper, when you
don't know what it means, Jose,
"No it will mystify all the othe»
women more than it does me."—De
troit Free Press.
"No," she said, "I wouldn't marry
you if your pockets were lined with
"In which event," he replied, "1
wouldn't be proposing."—Philadelphia
doing in my chicken yard?"
Parson Grabbum—"Well, sah, I'se a
membah ob de S. P. C. A., and I heard
you wusn't treatin' yer chickens right,
so I come to inwestergate."
"I don't care for your poem, "The
Song of the Lark,'" remarked the ed
The poet sighed wearily. "To tell
the truth," he replied, "I much prefer
the lay of the hen."—Philadelphia Rec
"Do you think doctors ought to help
an incurable patient to die?"
"If he can't die without medical w
The Penny Savings Society of Ofcl»
capo last year received on deposit from
the school children, through their
teachers, the sum of $70,000.
Teeth Made From Paper
Are the latest in dentistry. By a pe»
culiar process they are rendered better
than any other material. They may
be fine, but most people would prefer
their own, and this may best be accom^
plislietl by keeping the stomach healthy
with IIo-4tetter's Stomach Bitters, as
the condition of it affects the teeth
The liitters will cure constipation^
dyspepsia and biliousness.
The devil too often gets the boy bjr
getting his father first.
How a Little Boy Was Saved.'*
Washington, D. C. When our
boy was about 16 months old ho broke
out with a rash which was thought to
be measles. In a few days he had a
swelling on the left side of his neck
and it was decided to bo mumps. He
was given medical attenduueq for
about three weeks when the doctor
6aid it was scrofula and ordered a
salve. lie wanted to lance tho sore,
but I would not let him and continued
giving him medicine for about four
months when the bunch broke in two
places and bqcame a running gore.
Three doctors said it was scrofula and
each ordered a blood medicine. A
neighbor told me of a case somewhat
like our baby's which was cured by
Hood's Sarssiparilla. I decided to
give it to my boy and in a short while
his health improved and his'neck
healed so nicely that I stopped giving
him tho medicine. The sore broke
out again, however, whereupon I again
gave him Hood's Sarsaparilla and its
persistent use has accomplished a com-
plete cure." Miis. NETTIE CIIASE,
47 ic St.. yr.
''.'lie board of education of Engle
wood, a suburb of Chicago, compels
pupils who have been absent from
school four days or more continuously
to submit to a medical examination by
a physician appointed by the board be
fore being readmitted to school.
[Tfcompson's Eye Watir
caseB. Book of testimonials unit 10 HAYS' treatment
rB£K. DB. II. II. UHKKX'8 SONS, Box K, AUsata, Us.
WONDER OF WONDERS KESTORATONL
Restores all the old tlmo vigor. Makes you what vc
were at twenty, •l.ifi per package, cash with order,
liestoratone Co., 12 and 13 MHrhell Block,
P. O. Box 756» Springfield, Ohio*
DR. ARNOLD'S COUGH
CURES COUGHS ANO C0L0S.
AU Druecists. iiffo.
Locomotor Ataxia con
quered at last. Doctors
nrnazed at recovery of patients thought Incurable by
Dlt.CHASE'S BLOOD AND NliltVEFOOD.
"Write me ahout your cage. Advlceand proofof cures
FBKK. UB. MUSK, 224 N.IOth St.,l'HILAUKLFUU,rA
•Ice as to patentability. Send for Inventor1*
Primer, frv. MILO B. STEVENS & CO.. E
tahllRbed I WW 14U
Washington, D. C.
Brunch Office*: Chicago. Cleveland and Detroit.
WILL KEEP YOU DRY.
Don't be fooled with a mackintosh
or rubber coat. If you wantacoat
that will keep you dry in the hard
est storm buy the Fish Brand
Slicker. If not for sale In your
town, write for catalogue to
A. J. TOWER. Boston. Maw.
2 Cures Colds, Coughs, Sore Throat, Croup, in*
fiuenza. Whooping Cough, Bronchitis and Atthm.
A certain cure lor Consumption in fi*st stagM,
and a sure relief in advanced stages. Use atone*.
You Mill see the excellent effect after taking the
first dose. Sold by dealers everywhere. LarM
•washboard'' rubbers, runs easiest
lasts longest, does faultless work. Most oracticM
clothes washer made. Don't drudge* Use modem
if its not at your dealer's writeua.
THE EUREKA CO., Dept. H„ Rcch Fills. IH.
to Western Canada BTid
particulars as to how
secure 160 acres of the
be he in
land on '•the continent
can be secured on appll
cation to Supl. or Immi
lor the undersigned. Spe
cially conducted excursions will leave St. Paul,
Minn., on the first and third Tuesday tn each
month, and specially low rates on all lines of
railway are quoted for excursions leaving St.
Paul on March 21! and April 4 for Manitoba,
Assiniboia, Saskatchewan andlAlbert'i. N. Bar
tholomew, 306 Fitth St., Des Moines, Iowa.
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