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The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, June 28, 1900, Image 8

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Republican Convention Names Its
National Ticket.
Foraker J'rouenU the Name of the rresi
dent t* Succeed Himself—Enthusias
tically Seconded by Many States—No
Negative Vote A^iinst Either Candidate
Convention Hall, Philadelphia, Pa.,
June 21.—President William McKinley
was unanimously renominated at 1
p. m. today by the Republican national
convention, after a solemn roll call
in which every state and territory cast
its full delegate vote for Ohio's fa
vorite son.
Gov. Roosevelt was nominated for
Vice president by just as positive vote
*nd another scene of enthusiasm was
enacted fully equal in intensity to
that which followed the nomination
of the head of the ticket.
Scene of Spirited Enthusiasm.
The official announcements of Sena
tor Lodge were followed by a scene
seldom witnessed, and in point of en
thusiasm never surpassed by any na
tional gathering of the party. The
demonstrations bore all the details of
a stampede, with waving standards of
states, and a procession of delegates,
which were repeated in all their excit
ing details, and for over fifteen min-
utes reigned a tumult of the wildest
character. Gov. Roosevelt, the choice
(for vice president, seconded the mo-
Jon In an oratorical effort, which
Raptured the convention as had no
tier speech of the session.
enator Foraker. was the first to
Mr. McKinley's name before the
|ntion and his speech was one of
Neatest oratoriacl efforts that
^own speaker has ever made,
repeatedly interrupted by the
Kilts of
his audience and at
of his address there
Ipf applause that required
subside. Senator Fo
ired by Gov. Roosevelt,
^Kentucky, George
^and Gov. Mount
delegates be
ijonding to
^rdei yu ^.llWUll call, which
every vote being cast for M-F-.-McKiil
GOT. RooceTeU' 1R Named.
Then came the call for nominations
/or vice president and Col. Lafe Young
of Iowa advanced to the platform.
He withdrew the name of Doliver and
In a ringing speech placed Gov. Roose
velt's name before the convention. The
scenes attending the nomination of
President McKinley were re-enacted
."with equal enthusiasm. At 1:15 p. m.
Gov. Roosevelt announces that the
nomination is so spontaneous he can
not decline. He will in a brief state
ment accept the nomination for vice
It was 10:38 a. m. when Senator
Lodge ascended the platform and rap
ped for order. The great auditorium
was filled to overflowing and had been
the scene of numerous demonstrations
in honor of Roosevelt, Quay and Han
na, who all arrived shortly after ten
o'clock. Senator Lodge pounded for
order and comparative quiet finally
Prayer of Arcliblshop Ryan.
Archbishop Ryan then offered a
prayer. At its close the gavel fell to
make quiet for the more practical
work of the convention.
Thje chair laid the amendment to
the rules offered yesterday by Mr.
Quay/ W the unfinished business be
fore the convention and Mr. Quay
.withdrew the resolution.
"Under the rule, nominations for the
office of president of the United States
are now in order," was the next
amendment of Chairman Lodge. "The
state of Alabama is recognized," was
the quick statement from the chair.
A tall and swarthy Alabamian stood
on his chair and by prearrangement,
answered: "Alabama yields to Ohio."
This was the signal for the recogni
tion of Senator Foraker, who was to
make the speech nominating Mr. Mc
Kinley as the Republican candidate
for president. Then the cheers began
and a wild scene ensued.
Speech of Senator Foraker.
Amid a tumult of applause Senator
Foraker went to the platform and
when quiet was restored began to
speak, first thanking Alabama for
their courtesy in yielding, but attri
buting that fact to the overwhelming
popularity of the candidate. As Mr.
Foraker continued he was repeatedly
interrupted with cheers. His an
nouncement that the nomination of
McKinley was equal to an election in
November brought vociferous cheers.
He paid glowing tribute to the presi
dent. Concluding as follows:
"No man in all the nation is so well
Qualified for this trust as the great
leader under whom the work has been
far conducted. He has the head,
be has' the heart, he has the special
knowledge and the special experience
that qualify him beyond all others.
And, Mr. Chairman, he has also the
stainless reputation and character and
has led the blameless life that'endears
blm to his countrymen ar.d gives to
him the confidence, the respect, the
admiration, the love and the affection
of the whole American perale. He is
an ideal man, representlng^^^hlgh
est type of American citize^H^ an
ideal candidate and an idea^^^^kit.
With our banner in his hands' It will
be carried to triumphant victory in
November next.
"In the name of all these considera
tions, and not alone on behalf of his
beloved state of Ohio, but on behalf
of every other state and territory here
represented, and in the name of all
Republicans everywhere throughout
our jurisdiction, I nominate to be our
next candidate for the presidency
William McKinley."
Senator Foraker spoke with a vigor,
eloquence and magnetism characteris
tic of the man. His review of the
achievements of the McKinley ad
ministration was brilliant and epi
grammatic. When he referred to the
passage of the financial legislation
during the last session of congress,
upon the recommendation of the
president, the convention cheered the
sentiment enthusiastically. In con
cluding his reference to the financial
legislation Senator Foraker said:
"The wild cry of sixteen to one, so
full of terror in 1896, has been put
everlastingly to sleep in the catacombs
of American politics."
Great Demonstration Follows*
Senator Foraker concluded at 11:12
a. m., and the convi ition arose and
cheered enthusiastically, all waving
fans. The demonstration grew excit
ing, when Senator Hanna seized one
of the plumes and waved it from the
stage. The greatest demonstration was
when the state banners were carried
to the stage.
After the demonstration had lasted
for eleven minutes Chairman Lodge
rapped for order. At 11:28 Gov. Roose
velt was recognized. There was an
other enthusiastic demonstration when
he took the platform.
There he stood, face grimly set.with
out a smile. He made no acknowledg
ments, no salutations to the plaudits,
but, like a hero receiving his due,calm
ly awaited the subsidence of the in
mult. At last he raised his hand and
at his bidding the demonstration came
to an end.
He wore a black cutaway coat, dark
striped trousers, a turn-down collar,
and blue necktie. The delegate's badge
on the red, white and blue ribbon
was the only bit of color he wore.
As the governor faced about on the
platform a man with a camera planted
the instrument directly in front of
him. As Mr. Roosevelt saw it he said,
sharply, "Take that away take that
away," and the sergeanl-at-arms rush
ed the man and his apparatus out of
the aisle.
Then Gov. Roosevelt began his
speech, speaking in a clear, full voice.
Gov Roosevelt's Speech*
His sentences were delivered in a
manner that denoted a careful study
of each word. His argumentative style
kept the audience en rapport with him,
for he was given the closest attention
by the vast audience, in fact, very
much more attention than had any
other speaker.
"It was not a great War! It did not
have to be," he said, speaking of the
war with Spain, and then waited for
the ripple of laughter which followed
the declaration. "We have done so
well that our opponents use it as an
argument for turning us out," he said,
smiling, and showing his teeth, and
his audience responded with cheers
and laughter. His allusions to the ice
trust called forth the heartiest ap
plause, with cries from the galleries of
"Hit 'em again," and "That's right,
"I pity the Democratic orator in New
York who mentions trusts," he declar
ed with uplifted hands, and the audi
ence howled with laughter and shook
the floor with applause.
Talks of Philippine War,
"The insurrection in the Philippines
goes on because the insurrectionary
allies of the Tagals in the island of
Luzon," declared the governor, "have
given the insurrection their moral if
•.lot material support." Then he de
clared with brilliant emphasis that the
success of the Republican party in No
vember meant peace In the Philip
pines, while the success of the opposi
tion meant a prolongation of the
"Is America a weakling that she
=hould shrink from the work of a great
world power? The giant of the west,
like the gladiator of old, looks into the
future with hope, with expectancy,
which the love of all Institutions has
made dear to us."
In conclusion. Gov. Roosevelt declar
ed the Republican party and the Amer
ican people challenged the future, and
they were eager for the labor laid out
for them as if by Providence. He fin
ished speaking at 11:49.
John W. Yerkes of Kentucky made
a seconding speech. At its conclusion
from all parts of the hall came the cry,
"Vote, vote, vote." The delegates and
spectators were becoming uueasy.
They wanted action, not oratory.
Disregarding the call for a vote,
Chairman Lodge recognized George
Knight, head of the California delega
As he appeared upon the platform
and addressed the convention, his first
sentence, ringing through the great
building like a trumphet call, caught
the fancy of the assemblage, and he
was cheered enthusiastically.
Gov. Mount of Indiana, seconded
Load Demands for a Vote.
The restive listeners broke in with
many demonstratlonqAniJ calls of
"vote" and Chairman Lodge was kept
busy with his gavel trying to main
tain sufficient order for the speaker to
be beard. As' he closed the conven
tion again demanded a vote and the
chairman announced that the roll of
states would be called for the vote ou
the nomination for president. At
12:37 the vote began.
The roll was called and each state
voted for McKinley all the way down
the roll.
Senator Lodge announced that
President McKinley had been nomi
nated unanimously.
After the nomination there was a
parade with a huge elephant, which
caused more amusement than ap
plause. Around the elephant's neck
were entwined garlands of flowers.
Laughter and applause were mingled
as, the great emblem was borne about.
The demonstration in honor of the
president's nomination lasted five
minutes and then the chairman called
for order for the further event In
store. Col. Lafayette Young of Iowa
at 12:56 took the platform to nominate
Gov. Roosevelt for vice president. He
withdrew the name of Dolliver and
offered that of Roosevelt in an elo
quent speech.
The responses came thick and fast
and the nomination was made by ac
clamation. This practically end/id the
convention's work.
At 3:15 p. m. the convention ad
journed sine die.
Chairman Lodge spoke In part a*
Senator Lodge's Address.
In 1S97 we took the government and th«
country from the hands of President'
Cleveland. His party had abandoned him
and were joined to their idols, of which
he was no longer one. During: the last
years of his term we had presented to us
the melancholy spectacle of a president
trying to govern without a party. The
result was that his policies were
In ruin, legislation was at a standstill
and public: affairs were in a perilous and
incoherent condition. Party responsibil
ity had vanished, and with it all possi
bility of intelligent action demanded by
the country at home and abroad. It was
an interesting, but by no moans singular
display of Democratic unfitness for the
practical work of government. To the
political student it was instructive to
the country it was extremely painful, to
business disastrous.
We replaced this political chaos with a
president in thorough accord v. ith his
party, and the machinery of government
began again to move smoothly and ef
fectively. Thus we kept at once our prom
ise of bettor and more efficient adminis
tration. In four months after the inau
guration of President McKinley we had
passed a tariff bill. For ten years the
artificial agitation in behalf of what was
humorously callcd tariff reform, and of
what was. really free trade, had kept
business in a ferment, and had brought a
treasury deficit, paralyzed Industries, de
pression, panic, and finally continuous
bad times to a degree never before im
agined. Would you know the result of
our tariff legislation, look about you.
Would you measure its success, recollect
that it is no longer an issue, that our
opponents, free traders as they are. do
not dare to make it an issue lhat there
is not a state in the Union today which
could be carried for free trade against
protection. Never was a policy more
fully justified by its works, never was a
promise made by any party more abso
lutely fulfilled.
But there is one question which we
will put to the American people in this
campaign which includes and outweighs
all others. We will say to them: "You
were in the depths of adversity tinder
the last Democratic administration you
are on the heights of prosperity today.
Will that prosperity continue if you make
a change in your president and in tlio
party which administers your govern
ment? How long will your good times
last if you turn out the Republicans and
give political power to those who cry
nothing but 'Woe, woe!' the lovers.of ca
laml^y -av/J^toes-of., pxos&ecitv who hold
success in business to be a crtWfl? aiwV
regard thrift as a misdemeanor? If the
Democrats should win, do you think
business would improve? Do you think
that prices would remain steady, that
wages would rise and employment in
crease when that result of the election
was lenawn? Business confidence rests
largely upon sentiment. Do you think that
sentiment would be a hopeful one the
day after Bryan's election? Business
confidence is a delicate plant. Do you
think it would flourish with the Demo
cratic party? Do you know that if Bryan
were elected the day after the news was
flashed over the country wages would go
down, prices would decline, and that the
great amount of American business now
forging ahead over calm waters, with fair
breezes and with swelling canvas, would
begin to take in sail and seek the shel
ter and anchorage of the nearest har
bor? Do you not know from recent and
bitter experience what that arrest of
movement, that fear of the future, means?
It means the contraction of business, the
reduction of employment, the increase of
the unemployed, lower wages, hard times,
distress, unhapplness. We do not say
that we have panaceas for every human
ill. We do not claim that any policy
we. or anyone else, can offer will drive
from the world sorrow and suffering and
poverty, but we say that so far as gov
ernment and legislation can secure the
prosperity and well being of the American
people, our administration and our poli
cies will do it. We point to the adver
sity of the Cleveland years lying dark
behind us. It has been replaced by the
prosperity of the McKinley years. Let
them make whatever explanation they
wil, the facts are with us."
It is on these facts that we shall ask
for the support of the American people.
What we have done is known, and about
what we intend to do there is neither se
crecy nor deception. What we promise
we will perform. Our old policies are
here, alive, successful and full of vigor.
Our new policies have been begun, and
for them we ask support.
When the clouds of impending civil
war hung dark over the country in 1861
we took up the great task then laid upon
us, and never flinched until we had car
ried it through to victory. Now, at the
dawn of a now century, with new poli
cies and new opportunities opening before
us in the bright sunshine of prosperity,
we again ask the American people to in
trust us with their future. We have pro
found faith in the people. We do not
distrust their capacity of meeting the
new responsibilities, even as' they met
the oid. and we shall await with confi
dence, under the leadership of William
McKinley, the verdict of November.
Immaterial to Him Who
Was Exe-
Many stories are told of the shah of
Persia in connection with his last visit
to England. One of these tales, prob
ably more amusing than true, is that
he advised the Prince of Wales quietly
to make away with a certain extremely
influential duke, as the latter was
growing too powerful to be safe. But
a story which Is vouched ifor is the ac
count of the shah's visit to Newgate
prison. While there he suddenly re
quested to see an execution. He was
courteously informed that at the pres
ent moment there was no one under
sentence. The shah swept away these
trifling objections with a wave of his
hand. "Take one of my suite," said
he. "Any one will do." And he was
woefully disappointed because the offi
cials on the spot declined to comply
with his request. The shah had a mag
nificent collection of jewels, among
them being an emerald nearly as large
as a hen's egg. The present shah will
make a continental tour this summer,
visiting England in July. It is said
that he is bringing with him a num
ber of costly and beautiful gifts for
his royal and imperial hosts in all the
places he* intends to visit. His tour
will take six months. He intends to
stop In Russia, Germany, Austria,
France, Greece and England.
Italians In Switzerland.
No fewer than 14,000 Italians have
made their homes in the Swiss cantoa
of Zurich,
*Biographical JVotes lb
McKjnley and "Roosextelt.
The Republican national convention
1900 was the shortest on record,
when hours of time that it was in ses
sion are taken into consideration. It
was called to order at 12:31 Tuesday,
and at 2:30 p. m. took a recess to Wed
nesday at noon. At 3 p. m. Wednes
day a recess was taken to 10:30 Thurs
day. At 2:30 on Thursday its work
was done and the convention was
James McKinley, the president's an
cestor, landed in this country about
1743, and settled later in Chanceford
Township, York county, Pa., where
David McKinley, great-grandfather of
the president, was born in May, 1755.
The records of the Pension Bureau
jhow that David McKinley was a sol
dier in the revolution and participated
In the capture of Paulus Hook and the
engagements of Amboy and Chester
Hill. He died in 1840, in Ohio, at the
age of eighty-five. A son, James Mc
Kinley, moved to Columbiana county,
Ohio, in 1809. At that time William,
his son, born in Pine Township, Mer
cer county, Pa., was two years old.
James McKinley was an iron manu
facturer or furnace man, and his sou
William followed the same vocation.
When William was twenty-two years
old he married Nancy Allison of Can
ton, O., the couple having nine child
ren, of whom William Jr., the presi
dent, was the seventh. William Mc
Kinley, Sr., died in Novembers 1892,
having lived to witness the ri£e of his
son from a school teacher through
posts of national prominence to be
gqyernor.Qt Ohio.
The president' was born at Niles,
Trumbull county, O., on* January 29,
1.843. He attended the public schools
In that town until he was nine years
old, at which time his father moved
to Poland, Mahoning county, O., where
the future president entered Union
Seminary, pursuing his studies in that
Institution until he was seventeen
years old. He is said to have excelled
In mathematics and languages, and tu
have bested all his fellow-students in
debating the public questions of the
In 1860 he was sent to Allegheny col
lege, Meadville, Pa., but gave up his
course after a few months on account
of poor health. After a period of rest
he became a teacher in the public
schools of the Kerr district, near Po
land, having joined the Methodist
Episcopal church in Poland. In the
spring of 1861 he was a clerk in the
postoffice at Poland, which position he
gave up to enlist at Columbus, on
June 11 of that year, in Company E
of the Twenty-third Ohio Volunteer
The Contention's JVominees.
adjourned sine die. No national con
vention ever consumed less time in
Of course the work of the conven
tion "laid before It" so to put It. There
was not the slightest doubt on any
point except the Wee presidency, and
as soon as the delegates began to ar
rive that doubt was dispelled. Roose
velt was the choice of nearly every
delegation for second place.
William McKinley twice refused
the nomination for president previous
to the time when on the first ballot at
the Republican National convention
held in St. Louis in 1896 he was finally
nominated and accepted. His first re
fusal was at the convention of 1888,
when he supported Mr. Sherman, to
whom he was pledged, forbidding the
use of his name at a time when his
formal assent or negative acquiescence
was all that was necessary to secure
his own nomination. At the ensuing
convention of 1892 he received 182
votes for the nomination, his name
not having been presented, as it was
well known he was an ardent support
er of Harrison and would immediately
withdraw his name should it hate
been proposed. Being the permanent
chairman of the convention, he was
greatly embarrassed by the efforts of
his supporters to make him the presi
dential candidate, and, leaving the
chair on the announcement of the re
sult of the first ballot, made a motion
to make the nomination of Mr. Harri
son unanimous. His motion was car
Got), *Roo4te*Oelt9*s Career.
Gov. Roosevelt was born in New
York city, Oct. 27, 1858, of Dutch and
Scotch-Irish ancestry. His father was
Theodore Roosevelt, after whom the
governor was named, and his mother,
whose given name was Martha, was
the daughter of James and Martha
Bulloch of Georgia. Young Roosevelt
was primarily educated at home under
private teachers, after which he en
tered Harvard, graduating in 1880.
Those qualities of aggressiveness
which have marked his more recent
years of public life were present with
him in college and he was a conspicu
ous figure among his fellows.
It was an interesting period in the
history of the party and the nation,
and young Roosevelt entered upon the
political field with eagerness and en­
perhaps the greatest objection mer
chants make of providing stools for
customers or even employes is that
they block up the aisles and passages.
Recently, however, an Ohio man,
Krederick Yunck, patented a folding
stool for such purposes which over
comes this objection in a large de
gree. Though furnishing a firm and
On April 16, 1890,'McKinley intro
duced into the House the general tar
iff measure which has since been
known as the "McKinley bill." For
four months the measure had been un
der consideration, and every interest
in the country, including manufactur
ers,- laborers, merchants, farmers, Im
porters, agents, free traders, and pro
tectionists, had been freely heard, the
minority having been given as good an
opportunity to present their views as
had the majority. His speech on May
7 in support of the measure sustained
his reputation as an orator and dis
passionate advocate, and seldom has
such hearty applause been accorded
any leader as greeted him upon the
conclusion of his address.
McKinley's home life has been that
of the representative American, and
almost ideal. He married on January
25, Miss Ida Saxton, granddaughter of
John Saxton, for sixty years editor of
the Ohio Repository, still published at
•Canton. Two girls, Christine Ida and
Kate, were born to Mr. and Mrs. Mc
Kinley, both of them dying at early
ergy. The purification of political and
official life had been for some time an
ideal with him, and with this came the
belief in the efficacy of the application
of civil service rules to executive con
duct. In 1882 he was nominated for
the State Assembly and was elected.
He served for three years. In 1886 Mr.
Roosevelt was nominated as an inde
pendent candidate for mayor of New
York, but, although indorsed by the
Republicans, was defeated.
In 1884 he was chairman of the New
York delegation to the national Re
publican convention. He had been
among those who did not regard Mr.
Blaine as the most available candi
date of the party, but after the latter's
nomination Mr. Roosevelt gave him
his hearty support, and in the face of
Theodore. Ethel. Kermit. Alice. Archibald. Quentin.
unyielding,seat when in use, this stool
automatically folds up out of the
way beneath the counter as soon as
the weight of the user is removed
therefrom. A novel feature of the de
sign is the double support for the seat
instead of the single end brace usual
ly employed. This enables the inven
tor to hinge the seat in such a way
the remarkable defection In New York
at that time. In May, 1889, President
Harrison appointed him civil service
commissioner, and he served as presi
dent of the board until May, 1896.
As president of the civil service com
mission Roosevelt resigned in May,
1895, to become president of the New
York board of police commissioners.
On May 6, 1898, Roosevelt resigned
his place in the cabinet, assistant sec
retary of the navy, to muster in a
cavalry regiment for the Spanish war.
Life in the west had made this a,.fitting
ambition. As a hunter of big game,
used to the saddle and the camp, and
an unerring shot with rifle and re
volver, the country recognized in him
the making of a dashing cavalry lead
er. He had experienced military duty
in the New York National Guard in
the '80s. Col. Wood was put in com
mand of the Rough Riders Roosevelt
was lieutenant colonel. On June 15
the regiment sailed to join General
Shafter in Cuba.
From the time of landing until the
fall of Santiago the Rough Riders were
giant figures in the campaign. Their
work reached a climax on July l.when
Lieutenant Colonel Roosevelt led the
regiment in the desperate charge up
San Juan bill. He had shared all the
hardships of his men, and when he
broke the red tape of discipline to com
plain of General Shatter's camp and
its dangers from disease the army was
with him and the war department lis
tened to his judgment. On July 11
he was commissioned colonel of vol
Scarcely two months later the new
military hero was nominated for gov
ernor, of New York. In the convention
he received 753 votes, against the 218
cast for Governor Frank S. Black.
As a writer of outing papers his
varied experiences on the trail have
served him well. In biography, his
life of Thomas H. Benton and of Gouv
ernetir Morris have been praised. Es
says and papers dealing with political
Nominated Roosevelt.
life have added to his reputation. Of
his latest work, "The Rough liidera"
has been pointed to as "one of the
most thrilling pieces of military his
tory produced in recent years."
Governor Roosevelt has been twice
married. His first wife was Alice Lee
of Boston, who left a daughter. In
1886 he married Miss Edith Carow of
New York. There are six children,two
of whom are sons. His domestice life
is ideal. Whether ensconced in win
ter quarters at Albany or New York, or
at the famous Roosevelt summer home
at Oyster Bay on Long Island, the lead
er of tiie Rough Riders is an indulgent
father and romps with his children
with as much zest as the youngest of
them. The youngsters are known as
the Roosevelt half dozen, and all re
flect in some manner the paternal
characteristics. The oldest girl is
Alice, tall, dark and serious looking.
She rides her father's Cuban campaign
horse with fearlessness and grace.
The next olive branch is Theodore, Jr.,
or "young Teddy," the idol of his fath
er's heart and a genuine chip of the
old block. Young "Teddy" owns a
trusty shotgun and dreams of some
day shooting bigger game than his
father ever saw. He also rides a pony
of his own. Alice, the oldest girl, is
nearly 16. She is the only child of
the first Mrs. Roosevelt. "Young Ted
dy," the present Mrs. Roosevelt's old-
Oyster Bay.
est child, is 13. Then there are Ker
mit, 11 Ethel, 9 Archibald, 6, and
Quentin, of the tender age of 3.
Tramped Over Canal Route*.
There is probably but one member
of the house who enjoys the distinc
tion of having tramped on foot over
both the Panama and the Nicaragua
canal routes. That gentleman is Rep
resentative Romeo Hoyt Freer of West
Virginia. Not many years ago Judge
Freer was American consul to Nica
ragua and during his term of office he
familiarized himself with the proposed
canal routes. Once he traversed the
distance between the two oceans with
a surveying party, of which Com
mander Lull of the navy was at the
head, and again he went over the route
with only one companion, a-New York
newspaper man.—Washington Post,
that when the weight is removed from
it and it springs back the top as
sumes a vertical position. Accordingly
it thus takes up the smallest posBlble
amount of valuable space.
To prevent the jar or shock when
the weight is removed from the seat,
and the stool assumes a vertical po
sition too quickly a rubber cushion is
provided just under the seat, which
is fastened to one of the two standards
so',as to take the blow as they come
together at that point. ,v.
K* 4
Milkmen, Don't Bead This.
When Thomas drove up to deliver
,the usual quart of milk the gentleman,
iof the house kindly Inquired:!
("Thomas, how many quarts of millti
'do you deliver?" 1
"Ninety-one, sir."
"And how many cows have you ?"»*•./'
"Nine, sir." t-rf?
The gentleman made some remarkal
about an early summer and the stats
of the roads, and then asked
"Thomas, how much milk per day do
your cows average?"
"Seven quarts, sir."
"Ah, urn!" said the gentleman, as he*
moved off.
Thomas looked after him, scratched!
his head, and all at once grew pale aaf
he pulled out a lead pencil and beganl
to figure on the wagon cover. "Ninei
cows is nine, and I set down seven!
quarts under the cows and multiply J,
that's sixty-three quarts of milk. 1' '4, i,
told him I sold ninety-one quarts ofl .'I
milk per day sixty-three from ninety-\ *'-^r
one leaves twenty-eight, and none toi
carry. Now, where do I get the rest
of the milk? I'll be hanged if I haven't!
given myself away to one of my best
customers by leaving a big cavity lnl
these figures to be filled with water."!
ul litm
ii a (»reN.
JweWMATICt. nw
Batter—I git mah base. De ball dutt
hit me on de halde.
Catcher—Yo's crazy. De ball mus'j
hit yo' on de shin.
Forestalling Her Answer*
Being a wise man, he desired to take
no chances.
"Of course, you understand," hei
said, by way of preface, "that I have
•plenty of female relatives."
"Certainly," she answered, some-i
iwhat nonplused.
"I have four sisters already," h»i
went on, "and any number of cousins."!
"I realize all that," she returned,!
"but I fail to see how it interests me."'
"Oh, only indirectly," he said. "Be-i
fore saying what I have to say l!
merely desire to have it understood!
that I have my full quota of relatlvesi
of that description. Do I make myself!
"I think I gracp your meaning," she
"In that case," he announced, "I wiliT
ask you to be my wife."—Chicafi
Post ..v
Pr llmlnary Thereto.
"I'd like to have my name changed
from Louderschlegel to Mumm, or
something of that sort. Can you ad
vise me as to the necessary legal steps
to be taken?"
"Certainly. What is your idea, may,
I ask, in wanting it changed?"
"I am afraid the Society for the Sup
pression of Unnecessary Noises will be
getting after me."—Chicago Tribune.
An Off Day.
"That graduate of the Indian gchool,
Young-Man-Afraid-of-Work, seems to.
be a very well read man."
"Not today. He's been sick all.
afternoon." Philadelphia NortUj
Severed Connection.
"I see the telephone wire Is down:
between your house and Griggsby's/
"Yes his wife and mine have been
exchanging cutting remarks again."
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Where It Originated.
Blobbs—Who was it wrote: "Foala\
rush in where angels fear to tread?"
Slobbs—It must hive been some fel-i
'low who had had experience in puttlng|
!up the money to back a show.—Phila-i
d.elphia Record.
Uncle Lijah—De Bible am repeatln'
itself. De Bible says Lijah was fed by'
a raven, an' dis heah Lijah's gwlne to®
be fed by a' chicken.
"Does that new neighbor next door
•seem intelligent, Joseph?"
"Well, she strikes me as a woman,
who would think she could send
Strawberry shortcake by mall."
Quite So.
"She has an open countenance,has'nfc
"Yes especially when she sings,"
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Fell Hat. v',.
"Was the strike a success, Mike?"* JV
"No, begorry there was nivver aj
scrimmage jurln' the whole av it.",

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