Audubon County journal., March 11, 1897, Image 1

About Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
Circulation
Guaranteed
to Exceed....
Ii
I
W
f-
ELEVEN YEARS OLD.
Hamlin Department.
Henry Wells will farm the Alfred
Bartlett place the coming seaBon.
Mr. and Mrs. Harm Riceate turkey
with George Gill last Wednesday.
Cass Boot has moved to the Benson
farm, a little way north of Station.
McGuire shipped an extra good
load of hogs'to Chicago, Saturday.
Will Alt was elected school director
iu district No. 3, Hamlin, last week.
Next Monday is tlie lime when
they elect school clHci-rs in Ihiinlin
township.
George Rumelhart dug good wells
for George Smith and J. Z. Moore
the past week.
Miss Brown, of Audubon, has been
engaged to teach the Old Hamlin
school, the spring term.
Miss Rose Tyler has been engaged
to teach the spring terra of school at
No. 2, Hamlin township.
George Smith aud family have
moved to the Station and are now
residents of our young city.
Dock" Phipps has gone to Mis
souri to while away a few pleasant
days visitiug with his parents.
Simon Nelson has moved to the
Julius Gruelke farm and Julius lias
gone to the Smart place he bought.
Nels Petersen, who lives on the
Only place, is doing duty at Audu
bon, this week, as a grand juryman.
Mrs. Alf Bartlett was at Audubon
Monday doing some shopping and
procuring medicine for her sick hus
baud.
The Young People's Class Meeting
will be held at the home of Mr. and
Mrs. Henry Young uext Saturday
afternoon at 2:30.
,JEbe ohurch, at theStatiou, is raised
and they expect to have it ready to
preach the first sermon in one week
from next Sunday.
Mrs. Charley Hensley, ofExira has
been passing two weeks here visiting
with her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Mace
Gill, and other relatives.
Will McGuire has been suffering
ior the last week of a severe attack of
la grippe.. .Will's massive frame has
been chock-full of aches and painB.
Rev. Humphrey, assisted by Rev.
Elliot, of Marne, are conducting revi
val meetings at Old Hamlin. There
is a deep interest manifest and much
good will result.
Miss Kate Workman couducted a
spelling school, at Brushy College,
Tuesday evening, are told tbat
close of the. literary at the College.
The ladies had a quilting bee at the
home of Mr. aud Mrs. Dan Fullertou,
Tuesday, and the proceeds were sent
to the Children's Orphan Home, at
Council Bluffs. A very worthy object.
Jim Boyer was accosted by a couple
of well dressed strangers, last Satur
day morning, who were hunting for
breakfast. One gave his name as Pat
butjeBS who the other one was Jim
was unable to learn.
From now on the literary at Old
Hamlin will meet only every other
week but will continue to hold meet
ings all summer. The meetings will
be held on Saturday nights aud the
next one will be March 20.
Mrs. Wib Smith has been very ill
for two weeks of la grippe. Her
mother, Mrs. Banning, of Exira, has
been here caring for her sick daughter.
We are glad to state that Mrs. Smith
is much improved at this time.
Miss Bessie Bowman, of Exira,
will teach the spring term of school
at Brushy College. Director Andrew
Smith is to he congratulated on se
curing so able a teacher, as Miss BesBie
is one of the hardest working instruct
orsin the county.
At the Center school house, last
Monday, they voted on the tree text
books question and the vote stood
eleven for and eleven against. The
president cast the deciding vote for
•and now the question will be voted
on by the patrons of the school next
"•spring.
Alex Ferguson and his bride came
dowu, last Friday night, to visit his
brother, Charley and wife, and the
young folks learning of the fact went
over and played (hem a few tunes on
the tin can and cow bell orchestra.
Then they stood out in the mooti
light and sang plantation songs until
the wee sma' hours.
Mr. Alex Ferguson and Miss Addie
Shingledecker were married at the
home of the bride's mother, on Wed
nesday, March 3, 1897, and now they
are nicely situated on their farm, a
few miles, north-east of the Station
where Alex will farm and haul milk
ior the Blue Grass Creamery. These
newly wedded folks start out with
the best wishes of the whole commu
nity for their health, wealth and
happiness on their journey of lite
Following is a list of the presents
they received:
Plash rocker, D. L. Witt, and Ralph
Thomas. Linen table clotn and napkins.
Mr. and Mrs. Jay Shingledecker. Glass
set, bride's mother. Pair Unen towels, Mr.
ana Mrs, J. V. Hunter. Rug: and bed com
fort, Mrs. D. L. Thomas, Berry dish and
dosen sauce dishes, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas
Owen.-Glass castor. Mr. and Mrs. Chas.
Ferguson. Cracker jar, Mr. and Mrs. J.
Jones. Vinegar cruet, Annie Owen. Silvei
?. tea-spoons, Xouie and Clarence Shingle
decker. Silver butter knife and sugar
shell. Mr. and Mrs. vick Weeks. Solid all
ver spoons, butter knife and sugar shell
Mr. and Mrs. George Ferguson, Mr. one
Mrs. A. C. Sutton, Mr. and Mrs. 8. C. Wil.
son, Mechanlcsville, Iowa. Sliver knives.
groom's father. Berry dish, Lizxie and
Clara McFadden, Atlantic, Iowa. Bed
spread* Mr. and Mrs, J. Ferguson, Mechan
icsvtlle. Iowa. Silver berry spoon. Mr. and
Mrs. w. H. Ferguson, Stanwood, Iowa
Pair of fowls, Rosa Ferguson, Mechanlcs
ville, Iowa. Silver tea spoons, Mr. and
Mrs. Howard Elliot, Mechanlcsville, Iowa,
heets and pUlow slips, Mr. and Mrs. Will
"guson* Mechanic*^1"™. Iowa. Silver
ll, Katie Roache,
1, butter dish,
7 boat, Mr. and
Miss Mary Bartlett, who has been
living in California for the past year
and a half, arrived this week to visit
her Bick father, Alfred Bartlett.
Rev. Plummer will preach his fare
well sermon at school house No. 2,
next Sunday and then go to other
fields aud anew Evangelical minister
will be sent here.
Wib Smith is sad of heart, refuses
to be comforted and ever now and
then slieds great scalding tears of re
gret. He had a pel Guernsey calf, his
heart was set on, and the other morn
ing liis boy led one of the horses out
of the stable and the animal feeling
frisky yanked the halter out of the
boy's hand and started to run. Alas
fur the calf 1 The horse's course lay
righi across the spot where the calf
was standing and he run against the
young bossy full-tilt, breaking its
back and forcing Wib to maul it over
the head with an axe. Hence these
tears—and some tender juicy beef.
To Patrons of the Blue Qrass Creamery.
DEAR FRIENDS.—We have now started
on another season's work in the dairy bu
siness and it is my desire to see every
patron of this creamery united in tlie
effort to build up one of the best paying
industries in our land. The factory system
is co-operating for the protection ot farmers
in the ever existing, ever increasing war
fare for daily bread. The women on the
farm are relieved, not only of a great deal
of work, but better prices are obtained,
partially on account of greater skill and
better machinery employed, partially on
uccount of the greater uniformity ot the
product. The reul success of the creamery
depends on the true spirit of every farmer
delivering milk until every patron is im
bued with this spirit. There will always
be unnecessary losses of various kinds.
To give an illustration of the lack of co
operative spirit let me tell the story of an
Italian peasant: They had to pay tithes
to their priests of wine, and on the day of
delivery the custom was to empty tiie jars
into a large hogsiieud in the cellar. When
the priest weut to draw wine it was all
water. Kacli of the peasauts hud reasoned:
If 1 put in water it will not be felt in such
large hogshead, Before the introduct
ion ot the Babcoci? test there were many
patrons, even the co-operative ones that
reasoned like those Italian peasants aud
delivered water instead of milk—or skim
med milk. This watering orskimming is,
after ail, the least evil. It is ouly simply
stealing so much butter or so much mou
ey out of a general fund. What is far worse
is the delivering of poor, tainted tuilk
which not only robsdollars and cents from
the patrons but steals the reputation of
fa
the factory. The milk of one teat of one
ulcerated cow may seriously atlect the
quality of four or live hundred pouudsof
butter, and so may lack of cleanliness in
one small dairy and not until one and all
of the patrons learn to understand their
individual responsibility to their co-part
ners will the fuctory system give the full
benefits obtainable,
Whatever our work may be let us take
pride in doing it there is more honor in
the meanest work well done thuu the finest
done iu a careless, hup-huzard manner.
Did it everoccurthat even if you milk only
two or three cows you are a necessa
ry wheel in that enormous machine that
annually grinds out five or six million
dollars? It is no wonder that many milk
producers get disheartened if they keep
on boarding a lot of cows that eat up the
profit of the best cows. There is only one
way \'t meet creamery prices, and that is
8one
rod* ce cheaper milk, and that can be
by testfng each cow and raising taeif
ar calves from the best ones.
per centage
without giving
reason why. Professor Haecker found
variation, up and down, in one week from
2.6 to 4.1 per cent, in the same cow. But
each cow has her individual average, so
that testing once a week, or every other
week has proven to give good enough re
sults to be practical testing cows.
Who has time for such tomfoolery? is
quite a natural question for the manor
boy who comes home late from tbe field
and rushes through the work of milking,
tired to death and longing for supper. As
explained elsewhere regularity in hours of
milking uud the counting this as work
and not as a little extra chore is a neces
sity iu order to produce cheaper milk. In
this case the testing of each cow is not
such a job as we are inclined to think.
Before trying note the time in the evening
exactly when the milking was done the
previous evening and see that it is done
exactly at the same time in the evening
of test day. Have a spring balance with a
clean pail, the weight of which you know,
near the can into which you empty the
milk, also a slate or memorandum book,
also as many jars, bottles or tumblers as
you have covers, to be tested with a little
1 in measure holding about one ounce.
Have these tliiugs on a convenient shelf
und the spring balance hung with pail so
that it is handy to weigh ana need. Pour
the milk in the weigh pail, read the weight,
deduct that of the pail and jot it down op
posite the name of the cow, then pour the
milk back and fourth three or four times,
dip out measure full and pour it into the
jar with coyer on. Repent this operation
each night and morufng for a week and
the sample may then be tested at vour
leisure ifyou, as you ought to have—have
Babcock tester, or bringit to the fuc
tory to be tested. Test your tnilk at home
with one of Babcock's testers aud then
ou will see that you ure receiving justice
at the factory. K. SCHOONOVKK.
Karl's Clover Rost Tea, for Consti
pation it's the best aud if after using
ion don't say so, retain the package ana
get your money. Bold by Houston.
The first article of a series describ
ing the 'official, social and domestic
sides of life in the White House isoue
of a score or more admirable features
which make up the March Ladies'
Home Journal. It is by ex-President
Harrison aud presents a vivid and in
teresting pen picture of A Day
With the President at His Desk."
Another similar article is When A.
Lincoln Was First Inauguarted." The
pictorial features of the Journal are
admirable, especially the cover. By
The Curtis Publishing Company
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Just ten
cents a number one dollar per year.
Scrofula
Makes life misery to thousands ol
people. It manifests itself in many
different ways, like goitre, swellings,
running sores, boils, salt rheum and
pimples and other eruptions. Scarce
ly a man is wholly free from it, in
some form. It clings tenaciously until
the last vestige of scrofulous poison is
eradicated by Hood's Sarsaparilla, the
One True Blood Purifier.
Thousands of v.luntary testimonials
tell of suffering from scrofufe, often
inherited and most tenacious, positive
ly, perfectly and permanently cured by
Hood's
Sarsaparilla
Prepared only by C. I. Hood A Co., Lowell, Mass.
Be sure to get IIOOD'S and only HOOD'S.
Hood's Pills Soft?
bon
IOUS tnat will vary in
fat from day to day and
us a chance to find out the
The Gray Pharmacy....
Will Ellis was visitiug his brother,
our new harnes-maker recently.
We learn that Geo. Ross struck a
poor market with his car ot horses.
Frank Miller's children who have
been down with measles are convales
cing.
What kind of a fit did that person
have? Fainting seems to be getting
popular.
Miss Myrtle Randies will teach in
the Soniers neighborhood in Douglas
township.
Walt Audas and Sam Ginther are
ex offico jurior this term from this
township.
William Lewis was a Gray visitor
last week. The first time to town we
believe since last May.
Dick Lacy aud A. Baldwin were
delivering cattle and hogs to our
dealers here last week.
Rev. Hayden held an afternoon
service here last Sabbath. Mr. aud
Mrs. Jensen joined church.
JEWKLRT REPAIRED.—Leave orders
at the Gray Pharmacy for repair ol
clocks, watches or any kind of jewelry
Wont wi
supervisi
strictly in it though,
a representative and
from this Lincoln
the sheriff
township.
Don't see wbst^j should do with
out the Journal. but sixty comes
to our little town are eagerly
looked for,
greater
travellers in the west, wti&has been
wintering here and interesting his
friends with his experiences^.as left
for Atlantic
Lincoln township may sooS^oast
of having her share of Bensav&al
news. We learn of apiece of sosC^t
in this neighborhood and the
ticulars when made public will cause
numerous blushes.
Was it patriotism? On March 4th
one of our merchants wrote ou a large
piece of card-board Hurrah for Mc
Kinley 1" and tacked it to a barrel,
filled same with straw, saturated it
with kerosene and applied the match.
Considerable excitement was mani
fest here over the schol election,
especially on the text books question,
vote on said question standing 19 for
and 26 against. Albert Coomes and
Jas. Barrick were candidates tor di
rector—vote, 17 to 28 iu favor of
Coomes.
While helping a neighbor move
John Crow lost his watch. Weary
and heavy hearted, that night he re
tired to bed, and in the darkuess of
his chamber he stubbed his toe with
such force that it demanded the best
medical efforts of his wife to prevent
lock-jaw the obstruction was his
lost watch.
The last ot the Barlows—George
and his mother—passed through here
with their household effects last week
to join the father aud husband in
far away W yoming. Iu 1876 Darias
was considered the oldest settler on
Middle-Nishna" where he made
mouey like dirt, but wheu the town
of Audubon demonstrated that her
future was great, Darias was induced
by a scheming physician, who put in
a stock of drugs to "dupe the wary
to buy. The transaction was an un
fortunate one, for temptation to
booze soou got control of the farmer's
better judgment with the result that
a home iu the northwest was prefer
able to the mortification and remorse
to be borne here.
Report of primary department of
Gray schools formonth ending March
5, 1897: Total number of pupils en
rolled 39. Names of pupils receiving
99 per cent in deportment:
Bea Lancelot Moliie Polzin
Freddice Coomes Soren Petersen
Names of those receiving 96 per
cent:
Yetta Packard
Roscoe Dewitt
Roy Packard
Gracie Lancelot
Mariau Wiley
James Garber
Eva Swansou
Florence Hepp
Clio Beers
Dolly Audas
Johnnie Clark
Ormsby Beers
Eva Tuton
Margaret Wiley
Jennie Clark
Carrie Lansburg
Myra Swanson
Charley Beers
Gordon Shelley
Carl Polzin
Blanche Antrim.
MBS.DELIA CROW, Teacher.
What town is this? quoth the tourist
bold,
What town is this quoth he
Why this, replied Jim Wood row
la Graytown that you see.
What is it called? quoth thetourlst bold—
What is it caUed, quoth he
'Tla said the conductor,
Quite famed in historic.
Catarrh Cured. A clear head and
sweet breath secured with Shlloh's
Catarrh Remedy, sold ou a guarantee.
Nasal rejector free. Bold by 0. w.-Houston.
EXIRA, IOWA THURSDAY, MARCH 11, 1897.
C. EUGENE MERTZ, Proprietor.
Drugs, JeiArelry, Toilet /Articles.
Stationery, Paints, Oils, Brashes, Glass, Wall Paper, Etc.
Gray Department.
Take a bath in the glorious spring
sunshine.
Charley Tucker moved to his Viola
home last Tuesday.
J. S. Lacy will soon move to Har
lan, Shelby county.
M. D. Crow moved onto the J. 8.
Lacy farm last week.
John Minor of Audubon was a
village visitor last week.
John Polzin was taking in the
sights at the hub last week.
Ross Department.
Clem McCuen is selling wall paper.
Mrs. Mary Magill is again a resi
dent of Ross.
Joe Wilson, of Manning, was here
Tuesday ou business.
We understand that John
has sold his Nebraska farm.
Magill
The postofiice fever has reached this
place and some hard fighting is being
done.
Ross MarketB—Corn 8c, oats 10c to
11c, old oats 13c, barley 15c, hogs
$3.00 to $3.25.
G. S. D. Mason, of Viola township,
will ship another car of oats from
Ross this week.
Nels Olsen and W. W. Weston will
ship four cars of cattle to Chicago
about next Tuesday.
Since the middle of January Jake
Ruhs has baled over 140 tons of hay
with his new machine.
Ed Lyman, of Hardin county, was
visiting the first of the week with
his father, Wm. Lyman.
Mr. and Mrs. Pern Anderson went
to Anita last week. Fern came up
Mouday morning on business.
HORSES WANT^I)—Weight 1100 to
1600 pounds. Must be fat and sound
Enquire at Henderson's grain office.
Pete Henry, of north Melville, or
ders the Journal sent to his father
in-law, Jas. Dalrymple, at Seaton,
Illinois.
Jake Ruhs will soon take a week
off and visit with his father in Hau
cock county, Illibois. He will be
absent about two weeks.
Remember the Journal's offer—
Journal, Iowa Homestead and Toledo
Blade each one year for $1.75 cash.
Journal and Homestead $1.50.
Mrs. ""J*8. McCuen Has been very
ill the pata-week and Sunday Dr.
Brooks, of Audubon, was called', pro
nouncing her case a serious one.
Mike Foley left Tuesday nftiwsnn
for Dickinsbn cmtJrtj^ Nebraska, to
farm iu that
county. The- farm is managed by
Thos. Law, a former Melville town
ship citizen. Mr. Foley will return
in about a week.
Geo. Dalrymple and family leave
this week for Seaton, Illinois, their
former home. About a year ago Mr.
Dalrymple moved from Illinois to
Audubon county renting the Beason
farm in Viola township, but has de
cided that Illinois is good enough for
him.
The general conference of the Ger
man Evangelical church will be held
at Van Horn, Iowa, commencing
April 8. It is probable that Rev.
Kraft will ba returned to this charge
which will be highly satisfactory to
the members. He is an able minister
aud has made many friends in this
community.
Cameron Township.
Dave Hart shelled corn for Frauk
Rice last week.
Big dance at the Jas. Foster home
last Friday night.
Wert DuVall sold some corn this
week to Cy. Sampson.
Albert Fest and wife visited over
Sunday in north Cameron.
A few Violaites took in the hop at
Teinpleton last Mouday night.
John Spoo has rented 120 acres of
Torn Davie's farm for this year.
Mr. Spottswood's son, of Dubuque,
is visiting him for a few days.
Rob't Smith, of Viola, moved to
North Branch last Wednesday.
Horace Allen is working for his
brother Charlie, in North Viola.
Mr. F. C. Miller's children are im
proving after their attack of measles.
Geo, Tucker, of Viola, transacted
business iu Audubon last Saturday.
Geo. Coulter moved to the Hen
derson farm northeast of Ross last
Monday.
Joe Johnson and T. C. Jordan went
on a trading deal in Bouth Melville
one day last week.
Pat Gormau is cribbing up his big
crop of corn and will hold the same
for a higher price.
Fred Yager says those Templeton
girls are all right and Fred is all
right, too, we guess.
T. H. Turner lost his best mare last
Thursday. Henry says he would not
have taken a farm for her.
Tom Davis, one of Viola's prosper
ous farmers was transacting business
in Audubon last Saturday.
The young folks around the Sands
are thinking of organizing a lodge at
that schoolhouse this spring.
Will Roberts moved over from
Coon Rapids last week and is now
living with his brother Bert.
Perhaps this question shouldn't be
asked, but we wonder why Tammie
Browning isn't seeu in Cameron any
more.
John McAffee, of Elkhorn, is visit
ing the families of U. P. Stahl, Ly
man Groves, S. Jordan aud others for
a few days.
SiramareVa Afiklr of Honor With a Dud
Shot Doctor.
la a little pamphlet regarding the
,visit of the Wiesbadenera in Fried
richsruh there haa appeared a Bis
marck anecdote which shows how
near Germany once was to losing in
his youth her great unifier. The
same anecdote also illustrates how
duels are still made in Germany.
Bismarck first visited Wiesbaden
two or three years after taking his
university degree. He went one
evening to the big dance hall in the
kurhaus and during a pause be
tween dances sat on a sofa talking
with a friend and looking at the
persons who walked by. He had a
sharp eye and a defiant air, even in
his best tempered moods, and sev
eral, men returned his looks with ill
natured stares. Eventually a young
doctor, Gustav Lange of Heidelberg,
walked up to the sofa and, fixing
his eyes on Bismarck, inquired:
"Why do you stare at me!"
Now Lange was a very handsome
young man and Bismarck was in a
happy mood. The two facts dic
tated Bismarck's answer:
"Because I like your appearance."
"But I do not like yours," was
Lange's reply.
An animated dialogue followed,
Bismarck first seeking to appease
Lange's wrath and Lange trying big
best to make trouble. The upshot
was that cards were exchanged in
order that Lange might wipe out
with blood the deadly affront of be
ing stared at by Otto von Bismarck.
The seconds arranged that the meet
ing should take place in the grand
duchy of Hesse, not far from Bieb
rich.
Lange was a dead shot with the
pistol, and pistols were the weapons
to be used in the duel. The young
physician could hit the two mark
piece, flipped in the air, nine times
out of ten. It looked bad for Bis
marck. His seconds undoubtedly
felt that he was about the same as a
dead man from the moment he step
ped into the field, and they labored
hard to find a peaceable solution of
the quarrel. The English captain
whom Bismarck had made one of
his seconds was especially eager to
.prevent bloodshed, and he proposed
to Lange at the place of meeting
that the principals talk the quarrel
over before risking their lives for
suuh a trivial cause. Lange said
eventually tnat ne would do nia best'
to settle the affair without a shot if
his opponent would meet him half
way. The Englishman hurried to
Bismarck with the doctor's offer of
the olive branch, but Bismarck
would not have it. While the Eng
lishman slowly paced off the dis
tance, stretching his legs to make
it as long as possible, the other sec
ond argued with Bismarck. Lange
leaned against a tree and said noth
ing. Just as his seconds were ex
pecting the principals to take their
places Bismarok yielded. To the
surprise of his seconds he did not
wait for any preliminary conversa
tion. He walked across the field,
stretched out his hand and re
marked:
"Well, we will try to live in
peace
then."
Lange shook hands and the quar
rel was at an end. On his way home
from the field Lange remarked to
his seconds:
"It is better that it ended. It
would have been too bad to blow
daylight through him."
Almost 50 years later Lange cele
brated in Hiedelberg the jubilee an
niversary of his graduation. After
he and his friends had reviewed the
stirring events of the last half cen
tury and the
slow welding.of divided
Germany iiito one great empire un
der Bismarck's master hand, the
doctor remarked quaintly:
"It is better that it ended. It
would have been too bad to blow
daylight through him."
The .Usual Benli
There had been a row in the
O'Dowd tenement house, and Mr.
O'Dowd had been knocked senseless
with a brick and carried to the hoe
pital. Some arr©8^had been made,
and the judge waa'qu^ationing a wit
ness.
"Where were you wheu the fight
took place I"
"In the nixt room, your i^onor."
"Could you hear what was\Said!'
"Yis, sorr."
"Did you recognize the woufided
man's voice?"
"Ivery toime he shpoke, sorr."\
"What were his last words?"
"He had none.-your honor. He
was afther arguin a bit av a ques
tion with his wife, sorr."—Detroit
Free Press.
A Spirited Interview.
"And you asked her father for her
hand!"
"Yes."
"Was he violent!"
"Very. He said I must bean idiot
to think of such a thing.
"What did you reply!"
"I told him that of course he
knew his own family better than I
did, but that I was willing to take
my chances."—Philadelphia Bulle
tin.
For Constipation take Karl's Clover
Root Tea, the great Blood Purifier.
Wares fieadaohe. Nervousness, Eruptions on
the Faoe, and makes the head clear as a bell
Sold by O. W. Houston.
Journal.
YARNS OF THE ROAD.
Tales Told by Commercial Tnnlwt Tor
Mutual Edlflofttfan*
"A good story is told of a Chica
go merchant," said the embassador
of a Greater New York mercantile
house. "He had to go unexpectedly
to St. Louis on account of a 'lame
duck,' and, meeting a drummer from
that ambitious and rather gay Mis
souri town, he said:
'How do you fellows manage to
get such cheap fares to distant
points I I want to go to St Louis,
but the prioe is rather stiff.'
'I'll fix that for you,' replied
the drummer. 'Give me $5, and I'll
enroll your name as a member of
the T. P. A. Then you can travel
wherever you like free.'
"The merchant gladly handed out
his $S, with which his friend secret
ly bought him a ticket to St. Louis.
He accompanied him to the train.
'Now,' said he, 'when the conductor
comes all you have to do is to move
your hand across your mouth from
right to left and say"Yuno." He
will then know you are a T. P. A.,
and you will have no further trou
ble.'
"To the conductor, however, the
drummer said: 'That man with side
whiskers is a harmless lunatic. Here
is his ticket to St. Louis. When you
oome around, he will make this mo
tion and say "Yuno." Just pass
him and say nothing. He likes to
believe that it is a mystic pass
which allows him to ride free.'
"The plan worked to a charm,
and the merchant marveled at the
scheme which made travel so easy
and cheap.
"On his return from St Louis an
other conductor asked for his ticket
'Yuno,' said the merchant, mak
ing the prescribed gesture. The con
ductor didn't know, however, and
after several frantic attempts the
merchant had to pay his fare. On
his arrival in Chicago he hunted up
his friend, the drummer.
'Say,' he cried, 'what kind of a
trick did you play me? Why, the
plan didn't work for a cent coming
home.'
'That's strange,' replied the
other. 'You must have made some
mistake. What did you do coming
back?'
mou^ -aSa^
'Yuno."
'Did you move your hand from
right to left!'
'Yes, of course.'
'That's where you made a blun
der. You see, you were coming back
and should have passed your hand
aoross your mouth from left to
right'
That reminds me of a story
about Sam Kingston, a lawyer of
New York city," put in a Philadel
}hian who had enjoyed the Gotham
te's story. "Business of a profes
sional nature required his presence
in Poughkeepsie. On entering the
train he told the conductor to be
sure and let him know when he
reached his destination. He then
immersed himself in his newspaper.
'The train stopped at Yonkers,
and our lawyer, seeing a commo
tion, thought he had reached the
end of his trip.
'Is this Poughkeepsie!' he ask
ed.
'No,' said the conductor, 'I'll let
you know when we get there.'
"After half an hour the town of
Kingston was reached.
'KingstonI' shouted the con
ductor through the open door.
"Mr. Kingston arose, shouldered
his grip and left the train.
'Where is Pearl street?' he in
quired of a man at the depot.
'There ain't such a street here.'
'Ain't this Poughkeepsie?'
'No, Kingston.'
'Well, I'll be smashed. How is
it you fellows all know my name 11
said the lawyer, surprised.
"Explanations followed, and Sam
waited three hours for the next
train."—Detroit Free Press.
Hanging Smugglers.
It has not been so very long since
it was a custom in England to
hang smugglers on gibbets arranged
along the ooast and to tar their
bodies, so that they might last
long time and be a warning to other
culprits. So recently as 1822 three
men thus coated could have been
seen hanging before Dover castle.
This embalming process was some
times used on other criminals. Thus
John Painter, who fired the dock
yards at Portsmouth in 1776, was
hanged and then coated with tar.
Frojn time to time the process was
repeiVed, and his body lasted 14
years.'—San Francisco Argonaut.
Divided Skirts.
'And you have the assurance to
tell nje that you discharged your
laundress because of her belief in di
vided &S§rt»—a new woman like
you!"
'You didn't le*
mo
finish. I was
going to explain that she had an
Idea that it was the proper thing to
divide my supply skirts between
herself and hek 18-yeor-old daugh
ter."
"Oh I" Indiana'jpolia Journal.
If you want the bfist Cook
Range, Shrauger 4 Hansen ha
—the ueni.
Circulation
Guaranteed'
to Exceed,.
$1.00 PER
MASTER OF CREATIO
Too are proud? Andaman? Nay, bet
0£.the Unship and likeness that link
To the chattering ape yon despise I
Is it you. is it he, that Is wise?
Ton are proud? Bid the salt sea to
Beckon tbe stars down to heafybtrf
Oatob the wind with your halter and
Is it yon. Is It they, that endure?
You are proud? There's a microbe in
you
Too tiny for Bight, it will bring you
The Vale of the Shadow alongl
Is it you, is It tbat, whloh Is strong?
Aye, be proud I BhaU not tbat withii
The soul of you, oonquer and win yo
Tour plaoe in eternity's plan?
It Is you, it is you, that is man.
—J. JL. Beaton in "The oil tin.
Honorable* la M&iae.
There is a form of official eti
in the correspondence whicl
out from the Maine secre
state's office which is unlik
followed in any of the othei
England states. According
rulings of the secretary—and
simply carrying out the tradi
of his predecessors since Maim
came a state in 1820—the judge
the supreme and superior cot
the members of the goveri
council, the senators, the heads
the departments and the mayoi
Maine's oities have their mail
dressed to them with the
"honorable" prefixed to the
in every case, while the membei
the house of representatives,"
judges of the municipal oourt
the cities—whose salaries in
cases exceed that paid to thelgov
ernor—and all minor officeholders
must content themselves with the
term "esquire" following thni'*
names. As for the governor, he
always addressed as "his excellt
cy."
Other New England states—Mi
sachusetts and New Hampshire
particular—are more liberal in
distribution of titles- for they pr
fix "honorable" to municipal judges,
representatives and aldermen in the
various cities. It is probable that
Maine is the only state where a mu
nicipal judge can be addressed ver-.
bally as "your honor," but is not
entitled to the prefix of "the hon
orabla"—New York Run.
Kleetton of United Stages
In his paper on "This
Ours" in The Ladies' Ho*
ex-President Harrison
"q
a^e says, provides tha
legislature chosen next before w.
expiration of the term of a senator
shall choose his successor, and that
it shall proceed to do so on the sec
ond Tuesday after it assembles. On
that day each house of the legisla
ture must vote separately, viva
voce, for a senator, and enter the
result on its journal thetw" houses
must, at 12 m. the ne "et in
joint session, and if
the same person has re'
ority of the votes in
is declared elected. Ifth.
no election, the ^oint asst.
take a vote, and if any on
a majority of the votes—a
of all the members elected
houses being present and votii*%
he is to be declared elected. If thei
is no election, the joint assembly
proceeds with the balloting and
most meet every day at 12 m. and
take at least one ballot each day un
til a senator is elected: The govern
or of the state iB required to certify
the election under t|ie seal of the
state to the preaidenf-isithe senate,
the certificate to be countersigned
by the secretary of state of the
state."
Care For lak*
A medical man tells how an old
negro woman called him in to,treat
a little child.
'Dootah," she said, "de child^h^b
swallered a pint ob ink."
"Have you done anything to re
lieve him!" asked the dootor.
"Yes," replied the mother, "I'se
made him eat free sheets of blotting
paper, doctah. Was dat right!"—
Chicago Record.
PKUle's View.
The Teacher—When a woman's
husband dies, Patsie, what's she
called!
Patsie—A widder.
The Teacher—And when a man's
wife dies, what do we call him!
Patsie (after some thought)—A
widout her, mum.—Cincinnati Com
mercial Tribune.
Cuvier, Mantell, Agassiz, Owen,
Edward Forbes and Blainville, all of
the present century, are considered
the fathers of paleontology, the sci
ence which treats of the evidences of
organic beings in the earth's strata.
Von Bulow, the great pianist, onoe
said: "If I miss practicing one day,
I know it two days, and my friends
know it three days, and my audi
ences know it"
Many plants take root in the clefts
of the rocks and precipices where no
soil is visible and grow sometimes to
considerable size.
The distance between Washington
and St. Petersburg is 4,296 miles.
An ounce avoirdupois
28 1-3 grams.
Stop t- 'our-'
Ti ma"
"Ic