Of funny sayings, errors queer
Each day brings not a few
We get them from our neighbors
And we'll pass them on to you.
Page Senor Villa—And now,
Johnny," said the teacher, "can
you tell me what is raised in Mex
"Aw go on," replied the bright
boy. "I know what oou want me
to say, but ma told me I shouldn't
They were looking down into
the depths of the Grand Canon.
"Do you know" asked the guide
"that it took millions and millions
of years for this gr^at abyss to be
•"Well, well!" ejaculated the trav
eler". "I never knew this was a
"Well, my dear, I've just had
my life insured for five thousand
"Gh, how sweet of you! Now I
shan't have to keep telling you to
be careful every place you go."
As the man and the maid strolled
through the picture gallery* the
woman stopt before one of the ex
"Oh, how sweet!" she breathed.
"I wonder what it means?" ques
tioned the young fellow, as he eyed
the pictured pair who clung togeth
er in an attitude of love and long
"Oh, Charlie, don't you see?"
the girl eluded tenderly. "He has
just asked her to marry him and
she has consented. It's lovely!
What does the artist call the pic
ture?"- 'i$' tr14
The young man leaned nearer
and eyed a label on the frame.
"I see!" he cried. "It's printed
•on this card here—'Sold!"
James, eight years old, had been
naughty to the point of evoking a(
whipping from his long-suffering
mother, and all day long a desire
for revenge rankled in his little
At length bedtime came, and,
kneeling beside her, he implored a
blessing on each member of the
family individually, his mother
alone being conspicuous by her ab
sence. Then rising from his de
vout posture, the little suppliant
fixed a keenly triumphant look up
on her face, saying, as he turned
to climb into bed:
"I s'pose you noticed you wasn't
in it.." ..
The "one-gallus" customer drift
ed into a country store in Arkansas
"Gimme a nickel's worth of asa
fetida," he drawled.
The clerk poured it out and
pushed it across the counter.
"Charge it" said the customer.
"What's your name?" asked the
"Take it for nothing" said the
shopman. I wouldn't write 'asa
fetida' and 'Honeyfunkel' for five
szsate Orators should bewa're of criti
cizing their audiences. They are
likely to provoke retorts that will
go far toward marring their effects.
A school principal was lecturing
his corps of teachers upon efficien
cy. "What" he demanded, "would
be thought of a glovemaker, who,
at the'close of the season found ten
per cent of his stock returned be
cause it fell below standard require
ments? Why should we require
100 per cent efficiency of the glove
maker and only 90 per cent of a
"Because" promptly responded a
fearless teacher "he can select his
'"Mamma, George Washington
must have had an awful good mem
ory, didn't he?"
:'Why, my dear?"
a Because everywhere I go I see
monuments to his memory."
BEST OF THE NEWS BOILED
DOWN TO LIMIT.
ARRANGED FOR BUSY PEOPLE
Notea Covering Most Important Hap.
penlnga of the World Compiled
In Brlafaat and Moat Succinct
Farm for Quick Consumption.
Retail prices, in the opinion of the
federal reserve board at Washington,
will decline slightly during the coming
fall and winter months and will slump
next spring to still lower levels.
Hundreds of prohibition agents in
New York and other cities have been
guilty of taking bribes from saloon
keepers for protection. This was ad
mitted at the office of Prohibition
Commissioner Kramer at Washington,
A cablegram received by the Polish
embassy at Washington from the min
ister of foreign affairs in Warsaw
says: "The bolshevik army is com
pletely defeated and cannot resist the
attacks of our troops. Every day thou
sands of prisoners are being taken,
until now there are 70,000 prisoners.
The peasants, armed with scythes, are
bringing in prisoners. The military
spoils are great."
For the first time in the history of
the United Stntes the 1920 census re
turns will show more people 'liver in
the cities and towns than in the fu
rnl territory, officials of the census bu
reau at Washington estimate.
The proclamation announcing offi
cially that the suffrage amendment to
the Constitution had been ratified was
signed by Secretary Colby of the stute
department at Washington on Thurs
The total loss in actual and poten
tial life through the great war reached
the astounding figure of 35,320,000, ac
cording to an announcement by the
American lied Cross at Washington
President Wilson at Washington ap
pointed Gordon Woodbury of New
Hampshire to be assistant secretary of
the navy to succeed Fra'nklin D.
A Washington dispatch says that
the gunboat Sacramento has been or
dered from Port Lemon, Costa Rica,
to La Ceiba, Honduras, as a result of
disturbances growing out of labor
troubles in the vicinity of that port.
Census figures announced at Wash
ington include: State of Georgia (re
vised), 2,893,960 previously an
The census bureau at Washington
announced population figures as fol
lows Kenosha, Wis- 40.742, 19,101 In
crease, or 89.1 per cent Waukesha,
Wis., 12,508, 3.82S increase, or 43.7 per
Elated by their tieup of virtually ev
ery British ship in N*"-1 York, the 2,000
or more longshoremen who suddenly
quit work expect to spread their walk
out to every port in the United States
in the hope of forcing Great Britain to
release from jail Terrence Mac
Swelney, lord mayor of Cork, and
permit Archbishop Mannix to land on
Chicago wholesale and retail coal
dealers Increased the price of coal,
the advances ranging from 53 cents
to $1.90 a ton, effective Thursday, the
date the rail transportation companies
added increases to their charges.
A British syndicate—the Collier In
vestment Trust, Ltd.. of Swansea,
Wales, London, Paris and Now York—
has contracted for 35,000,000 tons Of
American export coal, to be delivered
at the rate of 7,000.000 tons year, It
was announced in New York.
Formal* acceptance of a new in
crease of $1.50 a day to more than 40,
000 Illinois coal miners wns made at
Chicago by 16 men representing 1111
"nois coal operators and officials of the
For the first time i'1 the history of
Ohio a jury of 12 on returned a
verdict at Akron. The case decided
was one Involving eviction, the defend
Henry Martyn Ho.vt, a well-known
portrait pnlnter, committed suicide by
Inhaling gas in his studio apartment
In West Tenth street. New York city.
Illinois lost its 2-ccnt-n-mlle rate
fight when Judges Geiger, Baker nnd
English, sitting en banc in the federal
court at Chicago, granted a temporary
injunction preventing the state attor
ney general from enforcing the 2-eent
passenger rate law. The Injunction
means that the passenger rate for in
trastate travel will become 3.C cents a
mile on September 1.
4 "^3^ 4* 1 j-'t
•i WiT 'A-Avj \*r v"
All the Americans kidnaped by Pe
dro Zamora, the bandit leader, at Cu
ale, Jali? co, last week, have been re
leased, according to reliable advices
received at Mexico City from Gbadala
jara, capital of Jalisco.
Eugene Leroy, wanted by the police
of Detroit, Mich., in connection with
the murder of a woman supposed to
be his wife, was arrested on board
the British freighter, Dryden, which
arrived at Rio Janeiro.
Because her ten-year-old daughter
lost a silver dollar she had given to
her to make some purchases at a gro
cery store, Mrs. F. Fltzanko of Pekln,
111., it is charged, chained her to a
AUDUBON COUNTY JOURNAL
The Yankee athletes added another
world's record to their Olympic games
string at Antwerp when Miss Ethelda
Bleibtry of New York won the 100
meter free style swim for women in 1
minute 13 3-5 seconds.
United States Senator Reed Srnoot
of Utah was unanimously renominated
for that office by the Utah state Re
publican convention meeting in Salt
Representative James Cantrill of
Kentucky has taken over active man
agement of Governor Cox's campaign
for the presidency, according to a
W. J. Atterhury, who. died at Olathe,
Kan., at the age of ninety-one. left 91
immediate descendants. They are:
Eight children, 37 grandchildren, 44
great-grandchildren and 2 great-great
Judge Ben McCoy, pioneer member
of the Mahaska county bar, and wide
ly known in state Republican politics,
and Ralph O'Hara, a prominent busi
ness man, died at Oskaloosa, la.
William James Wilson, one of Cana
da's most prominent scientists, apd for
many years paleo botanist for the
geological survey, federal department
of mines, Is dead at Ottawa, Ont.
General Tuchatsehewski, known as
the "soviet Napoleon," has been re
lieved of his post as commander-in
chief of the Russian bolshevist array
on the Polish front because of his fail
ure to take Warsaw, according to in
formation given to the press at War
saw. Leon Trotzky, bolshevist minis
ter of war and marine, has personally
taken comninnd of the army.
The foreign ministry announced at
Paris that France had counseled Po
land to attain the best strategical mili
tary position possible until peace Is
signed, regardless of her ethnographi
cal frontier, .because the military sit
uation will influence the peace terms.
Eighty thousand Russian soviet
soldiers have been captured in Po
land, 40,000 killed and 30,000 interned
in east Prussia, according to the lat
est report received in Paris from the
French mission In Poland. -7
Recall by,the Japanese government
of all Jnpaivese who have emigrated to
the United States has been suggested
by prominent citizens of Tokyo has a
means of solving the Japanese prob
President Ebert In a proclamation
Issued at Berlin, Invited all the po
litical parties to submit loyally to dis
armaments. The proclamation said
severe penalties would be inflicted in
case of failure to comply.
Serious rioting wns renewed at Bel
fast during which there was consid
erable shooting and some incendiar
ism. A number of wounded persons
were taken to hospitals. Afire start
ed nt the foot of Seaford street and
soon a whole block of buildings was
a mass of flames. There was much
Invitations are out for the wedding
of Miss Dorothy Miller, daughter of
Mrs. Roswell Miller and the late Ros
well Miller, formerly president of the
Chicago, Milwaukee & St. Paul Rail
road company, and William Harold
Stewart of Webster, Mass. The cere
mony will take place on September 25
at Millbrook, N. Y.
The body of William K. Vanderbllt,
who died in Paris, was brought back
to New York on the Olympii
James Wilson, former secretary of
the department of agriculture, died at
Traer, la., at 11 a. m., August 26.
Practically all of the $2,000,000 es
tate of the late Nellie A. Black, widow
of John C. Black, one-time president
of the Continental and Commercial
National bank at Chicago, was left to
Col. Beecher B. Ray, U. S. A., re
tired, died at hi^ home at Los Angeles,
Cal. Colonel Riay served In the regu
lar array about twenty-five years, re
tiring after service in the Philippine
Items of Interest Gathered
From Our Exchanges
Casey has organized a coopera
tive elevator company and is sell
ing stock for thfe new venture. The
stock is listed at $50 per share and
an effort is being made to raise
$15,00& which is the minimum up
on which they can do business.,-""'
Casey sends out a bee story
which eclipses any fish story we
have heard. It is said to be true
so we pass it along on its mission
of encouragement to the bee
farmer. "On or about July 10,
1919, R. W. Griffith, of that vi
cinity, captured a swarm of runa
way bees. To this date they have
increased to four swarms, and .fif
teen cases of twenty-four pounds
of surplus honey have been taken
off. Who can beat it? ... ...
The finishing touches are being
put on the new school building at
Menlo this week and the newly or
ganized consolidated school will be
gin next Monday. The board has
been successful in procuring' ex.
perienced teachers and four big
motor trucks will transport the pu
pils who live at a distance. An
other is to be added if these are
Mr. J. A. Mennealy, aged 50 and
Mrs. Laura Chaplain aged 36, both
of Griswold appeared in rhe clerk's
office at Atlantic and applied for a
license to wed. The clerk was in
Des Moines and his deputy re
quested them to find someone to
identify them. They set out sep
arately to find acquaintances.
Failing in this the lady took the
train for home followed by Mr.
Menneally in an automobile. A
week later they applied for a li
cense properly identified and the
wedding took place last week
In a baseball tournament to be
held at Cumberland September 3d
and 4th only home playgrs can
compete and no hired player will
be used on any team. Wiota,
Grant, Cumberland and Massena
will compete. The purses aggre
A five-year-old son of Mr. and
Mrs. Jessie Leslie of Avoca met
death in a peculiar manner recent
ly. He was playing with some
other children in the barn at his
home when- the hay fork came
loose and dropped from the top of
the barn. The tines struck the
child in the side, penetrating his
body, fatally injuring -him. He
died shortly after.
Three men, apparently tramps,
appeared at the ticket window at
the depot in Anita Saturday
night and engaged the telegraph
operator in conversation. Becom
ing aware of the effects of an odor
the operator slammed the window
down in the faces 'of his visitors
and called the agent by telephone.
It was with great difficulty that
he kept awake to make the call.
When the agent arrived the three
men had fled.
While \YT. G. Harlan was attend
ing church in Stuart recently his
Ford car was stolen. Mr. Harlan
offered $50 reward for the return
of the car. The next morning it
was found parked on the street in
Casey. There is 110 clue as to who
had left it there.
Mrs. Morris of Panora, pioneer
of Guthrie county was in Stuart
011 her 90th birthday. A family
picnic was held at her home in
commemoration of the day, 73 of
her relatives with their baskets
being present. Mrs. Morris with
with her son keep house together.
A farmers' elevator company
was formed in Stuart last week
with a minimum capital stock of
$20,000 and an authorized capital
stock of $50,000. There are five
hundred farmer elevators in the
state and nearly all of them are a
Roy Cook of Avoca who has
been in the employ of the Red Oak
Light & Power company, was killed
last week as he was working on the
high line between.Avoca and Shel
by. He had climbed a. pole and
received a shock which knocked
him to the ground. He was dead
when picked up.
The big generator used to light
the town of Lewis burned up a few
days ago. The manager forgot to
throw the switches before turning
on the juice from Red Oak and the
coils were burned beyond repair.
The Elliott Graphic was forty
years old August 26th. The pres
ent publisher has managed the pa
per less than a year, the former
publisher having died with the flu.
First Sceut--"Do nuts grow on
First Scout—"Then on what tree
does the doughnut grow?"
Second Scout—"The pantry,
We had a complete handwritten P.ibie
as early as the fourteenth century.
ON RAILROAD LINES
PARROTT & NORTHUP,
JUST A FEW
Adel Standard Building Blox
British Columbia 5-2 Red Cedar Shingles
Hawkeye Portland Cement^
Southwestern Iowa again haa:
broken into the limelight because^
of its railroads, but this time is a
less favorable way. During the
past eight, months nearly half a»
million dollars worth of goods have
been stolen from box cars 011 the
nine trunk lines centering in Coun-,
cil Bluffs, according to admissions®
by the heads of the secret service,
departments of the various rail
roads. Less than $4,000 worth of
this material has been recovered,
and officials of the roads, alarmed
at the. thefts, have sent all avail
able detectives to the big Bluffg'S
terminal to run down the criminals.
Just What She Needed.
••I used a bottle of Chamberlain's. -.
Tablets sometime ago and they prov-''
ed to be just what I needed," writes«
Mrs. Volte Cankson, Chillicothe, Mo.
"They not only relieved me of indi
gestion but toned up my liver and rid
me of backache and dizziness tliat I
had been subject to for sometime..
They did me a world of good and Is'
.will always speak a good word lor®
them." Sold at Kearney's Pharmacy#:
Pastor—I hea' we got a diamond
pin in de collection plate this morn
Treasurer—You are mistaken,
sah. It was a dime an' pin.
We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that cannot bo
cured by Hall's Catarrh Medicine.
Hall's Catarrh Medicine has been taken
by catarrh sufferers for the past thirty
five years, and has become known as the
most reliable remedy for Catarrh. Hall's
Catarrh Medicine acts thru the Blood on
the Mucous surfaces, expelling the Poi
son from the Blood and healing the dis-S
After you have taken Hall's Catarrh
Medicine for a short time you will see a
great improvement In your general
health. Start taking Hall's Catarrh Medi
cine at once and get rid of catarrh. Send
for testimonials, free.
F. J. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo. Ohio.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Did you ever meet the fellow who puts his hand
on your shoulder and says, *Say, Tom, sell me your
stuff. We are in business to help you, Tom, because
we love you so.".,-
Watch him work. We must make a profit to live.
However, we will meet any price the man who is in
business for his health, may put out.
No. 1 Kansas Brick
A 1 Dry Lumber
Good Live Cedar Posts
Steel Posts, the Red Top "T"
Trojan Gates witb Automatic Latch
American Woven Wire
These brands are the best
money can buy
Look them over
Green Bay Lumber Co.
The Home of the Best
B. F. JENSEN, Manager
E A E S
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