Decorah public opinion., October 11, 1895, Image 3

About Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
iIMON.
ESTION TO
✓ ERS.
1,. > ..live Not Yet Accepted the
Kntlli of Jesui Christ Asked the
Reason Why —“is Thine Heart Right?”
—II Kings XilS.
jfGtfSftPQ Irfl ITH mettled horses
was ce * e krated
v? for tast driving,
I"\/H\ e^u > '■* ie war rior
an(l kin K. returns
from battle. But
MW Qi seeing Jehonadab,
an acquaintance, by
the wayside, he
shouts, “W ho a !
v£~l> whoa!" to the lath
ered span. Then leaning over to Jeho
nadab, Jehu salutes him in the words of
the text —words not more appropriate
for that hour and that place, than for
this hour and place: "Is thine heart
right?"
I should like to hear of your physical
health. Well myself, I like to have
everybody else well; and so might ask,
is your eyesight right, your hearing
right, your nerves right, your lungs
right, your entire body right? But I
am busy to-day taking diagnosis of the
more Important spiritual conditions. I
should like to hear of your financial wel
fare. I want everybody to have plenty
of money, ample apparel, large store
house, and comfortable residence; and
I might ask, is your business right, your
income right, your worldly surround
ings right? But what are these financial
questions compared with the inquiry as
to whether you have been able to pay
your debts to God; as to whether you are
insured for eternity; as to whether you
are ruining yourself by the long-credit
system of the soul? I have known men
to have no more than one loaf of bread
at. a time, and, yet to own a government
bond of heaven worth more than the
whole material universe.
The question I ask you to-day is not
in regard to your habits. I make no
inquiry about your Integrity, or your
chastity, or your sobriety. I do not
mean to stand on the outside of the
gate and ring the bell; but coming up
the steps, I open the door and come
to the private apartment of the soul;
and with the earnestness of a man that
must give an account for this day’s
work, I cry out, O man, O woman, im
mortal, is thine heart right?
I will not insult you by an argument
to prove that we are by nature all
wrong If there be a factory explosion
and tho smokestack be upset, and the
wheels be broken in two, and the en
gine unjointed, and the ponderous bars
be twisted, and a man should look In
and say that nothing was the matter,
you would pronounce him a fool. Well,
it needs no acumen to discover that our
nature is all atwist and askew and
unjointed. The thing doesn’t work
right The biggest trouble we have in
the world is with our souls. Men some
times say that, though their lives may
not be Just right, their heart is all
right. Impossible. A farmer never puts
the poorest apples on top of his barrel;
nor does the merchant place the mean
est goods in his show window. The best
part of us is our outward life. Ido not
stop to discuss whether w'e all fell in
Adam, for we have been our awn Adam,
and have all eaten of the forbidden
fruit, and have been turned out of the
paradise of holiness and peace; and
though the flaming sword that stood
at the gate to keep us out has changed
position and comes behind to drive us
in, we will not go.
The Bible account of us is not ex
aggerated when it says that we are
poor and wretched and miserable and
blind and naked. Poor; the wretch
that stands shivering on our doorstep
on a cold day is not so much in need of
bread as we are of spiritual help. Blind;
why, the man whose eyes perished :n
the powder blast, and who for these ten
years has gone feeling his way from
street to street, is not in such utter
darkness as we. Naked: why, there is
not ope rag of holiness left to hide the
shame of our sin. Sick: why, the lep
rosy has eaten into the head and the
heart and the hands and the feet; and
the marasmus of an everlasting wasting
away has aleady seized on some of us.
But the meanest thing for a man to do
is to discourse about an evil without
pointing a way to have it remedied. I
speak of the thirst of your hot tongue,
only that I may show you the living
stream that drops crystalline and spark
ling from the Rock of Ages, and pours
a river of gladness at your feet. If I
show you the rents in your coat, it is
only because the door of God’s ward
robe now swings open, and here is a
robe, white with the fleece of the Lamb
of God, and of a cut and make that an
angel would not be ashamed to wear.
If I snatch from you the black, mouldy
bread that you are munching, it is only
to give you the bread made out of tho
finest wheat that grows on the celestial
hili3, and baked in the fires of the Cross;
and one crumb of which would be
enough to make all heaven a banquet.
Hear it, one and ail, and tell it to your
friends when you go home, that the
Lord Jesus Christ can make the heart
right.
First we need a repenting heart. If
for the last ten, twenty, or forty years
of life, we have been going on in the
wrong way, it is time that we turned
around and started in the opposite di
rection. If we ofTend our friends we
are glad to apologize. God is our beat
friend, and yet how many of us have
nover apologized for the wrongs we
have done him!
There is nothing that we so much
need to get rid of as sin. It is a horri
ble black monster. It polluted Eden.
It killed Christ. It has blasted the
world. Men keep dogs in kennels, and
rabbits in a warren, and cattle in a pen.
What a man that would be who would
shut them up in ms parlor? But this
foul dog of sin, and these herds of trans
gression. we have entertained for many
a long year in our heart, which should
be the cleanest, brightest room in all
our nature. Out with the vile herd!
Begone, ye befoulers of an immortal
nature!
Turn out the beasts and let Christ
come in! A heathen came to an early
Christian, who had the reputation of
curing diseases. The Christian said,
"You must have all your idols de
stroyed.” The heathen gave to the
Christian the key to his house, that he
might go in and destroy the idols. He
battered to pieces all he saw, but still
the man did not get well. The Chris
tian said to him, "There must be some
idol in } r our house not yet destroyed.”
The heathen confessed that there was
one idol of beaten gold that he could
not bear to give up. After awhile, when
that was destroyed, in answer to the
prayer of the Christian, the sick man
got well.
Many a man has awakened in his
dying hour to - find his sins all about
him. They clambered up on the right
side of the bed, and on the left side,
and over the head-board, and over the
foot-board, and horribly devoured the
soul.
Repent! the voice celestial cries,
Nor longer dare delay;
The wretch that scorns the mandate
dies.
And meets a fiery day.
Again, we need a believing heart. A
good many years ago a weary one went
up one of the hills of Asia Minor, and
with two logs on his back cried out to
all the world, offering to carry their
sins and sorrows. They pursued him.
They slapped him in the face. They
mocked him. When he groaned they
groaned. They shook their fists at
him. They spat on him. They hound
ed him as though he were a wild beast.
His healing of the sick, his sight-giv
ing to the blind, his mercy to the out
cast, silenced not the revenge of the
world. His prayers and benedictions
were lost in that whirlwind of execra
tion: "Away with him! Away with
him!”
Ah! it was not merely the two pieces
of wood that he carried; it was the
transgressions of the race, the anguish
of the ages, the wrath of God, the sor
rows of hell, the stupendous interests
of an unending eternity. No wonder
his back bent. No wonder the blood
started from every pore. No wonder
that he crouched under a torture that
made the sun faint, and the everlasting
hills tremble, and the dead rush up in
their winding-sheets as he cried: “If
it be possible, let this cup pass from
me.” But the cup did not pass. None
to comfort.
There he hangs! What has that
hand done that it should be thus
crushed in the palm? It has been heal
ing the lame and wiping away tears.
What has that foot been doing that it
should be so lacerated? It has been
going about doing good. Of what has
the victim been guilty? Guilty of sav
ing a world. Tell me, ye heavens and
earth, was there ever such another
criminal? Was there ever such a
crime? On that hill of carnage, that
sunless day, amid those howling riot
ers, may not your sins and mine have
perished? I believe it. Oh. the ran
som has been paid. Those arms of Je
sus were stretched out so wide, that
when he brought them together again
they might embrace the world. Oh,
that I might, out of the blossoms of the
spring, or the flaming foliage of the
autumn, make one wreath for my Lord!
Oh, that all the triumphal arches of the
world could be swung in one gateway,
where the King of Glory might como
in! Oh, that all the harps and trum
pets and organs of earthly music
might, in one anthem, speak his praise!
But what were earthly flowers to him
who walketh amid the snow of the
white lilies of heaven? What were
arches of early masonary to him who
hath about his throne a rainbow spun
out of everlasting sunshine? What
were all earthly music to him when the
hundred and forty and four thousand
on one side, and cherubim and sera
phim and archangels stand on the other
side, and all the space between la filled
with the doxologies of eternal jubilee—
the hosanna of a redeemed earth, the
hallelujah of unfallen angels, song af
ter song rising about the throne of God
and of the Lamb? In that pure, high
place, let him hear us. Stop! harps of
heaven, that our poor cry may be heard.
Oh, my Lord Jesus! it will not hurt thee
for one hour to step out from the shin
ing throng. They will make it all up
when thou goest back again. Come
hither, O blessed One, that we may kiss
thy feet. Our hearts, too long with
held, we now surrender into thy keep
ing. When thou goest back tell it to
all the immortals that the lost are
found, and let the Father’s house ring
with the music and the dance.
They have some old wine in heaven,
not used except in rare festivities. In
this world, those who are accustomed
to use wine on great occasions bring
out the beverage and say, "This wine is
thirty years old,” or "forty years old.”
But the wine of heaven is more than
eighteen centuries old. It was pre
pared at the time when Christ trod
the wine press alone. When such
grievous sinners as we come back, me*
thinks the chamberlain of heaven cries
out to the servants, “This is unusual
joy! Bring up from the vaults of heav
en that old wine. Fill all the tankards.
Let all the white-robed guests drink to
the immortal health of those new-born
sons and daughters of the Lord Al
mighty.” "There is joy in heaven
among tho angels of God over one sin
ner that repeuteth;” and God grant
that that one may be you!
Again, to have a right heart it must
be a forgiving heart. An old writer
says, "To return good for evil is God
like; good for good is man-like; evil for
good devil-like.” Which of these na
tures have we? Christ will have noth
ing to do with us as long as wo keep
any old grudge. We have all been
cheated and lied about. There are peo
ple who dislike us so much that if we
should come down to poverty and dis
grace, they would say, "Good for him!
Didn’t I tell you so?” They do not un
derstand us. Unsanctified human na
ture says, “Wait till you get a good
crack at him, and when at last you find
him in a tight place, give it to him.
Flay him alive. No quarter. Leave
not a rag of reputation. Jump on him
with both feet. Bay him in his own
coin—sarcasm t for sarcasm, scorn for
scorn, abuse for abuse.” But, my
friends, that it not the right kind of
heart. No man ever did so mean a
thing toward us we have done toward
God. And if we cannot forgive others,
how can we expect God to forgive us?
Thousands of men have been kept out
of heaven by an unforgiving heart.
Here is some one who says, "I will for
give that man the wrong he did me
about that house and lot; I will forgive
that man who overreached me in a
bargain; I will forgive that man who
sold me a shoddy overcoat; I forgive
them—all but one. That man I cannot
forgive. The villain —I can hardly
keep my hands off him. If my going
to heaven depends on my forgiving
him, then I will stay out.” Wrong feel
ing. If a man lie to me once, lam not
called to trust him again. If a man be
tray me once, I am not called to put
confidence in him again. Rut I would
have no rest if 1 could not offer a sin
cere prayer for the temporal and ever
lasting welfare of all men. whatever
meanness and outrage they have In
flicted upon me. If you want to get
your heart right, strike a match and
burn up all your old grudges, and blow
the ashes away. “If you forgive not
men their trespasses, neither will your
heavenly Father forgive you your tres
passes.”
An old Christian black woman was
going along the streets of New York
with a basket of apples that she had
for sale. A rough sailor ran against
her and upset the basket, and stood
back expecting to hear her scold fright
fully, but she stooped down and picked
up the apples, and 3aid, “God forgive
you, my son, as I do.” The sailor saw
the meanness of what he had done, and
felt in his pocket for his money, and
insisted that she should take it ail.
Though she was black, he called her
mother, and said, "Forgive me, mother,
I will never do anything so mean
again.” Ah! there is a power in a for
giving spirit to overcome all hardness.
There is no way of conquering men like
that of bestowing upon them your par
don, whether they will accept it or not.
Is thy heart right? What question
can compare with this in importance?
It is a business question. Do you not
realize that you will soon have to go
out of that store, that you will soon
have to resign that partnership, that
soon among all the millions of dollars
worth of goods that are sold, you will
not have the handling of a yard of
cloth, or a pound of sugar, or a penny
worth of anything; that soon, if a con
flagration should start at Central Park
and sweep everything to the Battery,
it would not disturb you; that
soon, if every cashier should abscond,
and every insurance company should
fail, it would not affect you? What are
the questions that stop this side the
grave, compared with the questions that
reach beyond it? Are you making
losses that are to be everlasting? Are
you making purchases for eternity?
Are you jobbing for time when you
might be wholesaling for eternity?
What question of the store is so broad
at the base, and so altitudinous, and so
overwhelming as the question, "Is thy
heart right?”
Or is it a domestic question? Is it
something about father, or mother, or
companion, or son, or daughter, that
you think is comparable with this ques
tion in importance? Do you not realize
that by universal and inexorable law
all these relations will be broken up?
Your father will be gone, your mother
will be gone, your companion will be
gone, your child will be gone, you
will be gone, and then tills supernal
question will begin to harvest Us
chief gains, or deplore its worst
losses, roll up into its mightiest magni
tude, or sweep its vast circles. What
difference now does it make to Napo
leon 111. whether he triumphed or sur
rendered at Sedan? whether he lived at
the Tuileries or at Chislehurst, wheth
er he was emperor or exile? They laid
him out In his coffin in the dress of a
field marshal. Did that give him any
better chance for the next world than
if he had been laid out in a plain
shroud? And soon to us what will be
the difference, whether in this worl<f
we rode or walked, were bowed to or
maltreated, were applauded or hissed
at, were welcomed in or kicked out,
while laying hold of every moment of
the great future, and burning In all the
splendor or grief, and overarching anu
undergoing all time and all eternity, is
the plain, simple, practical, thrilling,
agonizing, overwhelming question, “Is
thy heart right?” Have you wdthin
you a repentant heart, an expectant
heart? If not, I must write upon your
soul what George Whitefleld wrote up
on the window pane with his diamond
ring. He tarried in an elegant house
over night, but found that there was
no God recognized in that house. Be
fore he left his room in the morning,
with his ring he wrote upon the win
dow pane, "One thing thou lackest.”
After the guest was gone, the house
wife came and looked at the window,
and saw the inscription, and called her
husband and her children; and God,
through that ministry of tho window
glass, brought them all to Jesus.
Though you may to-day be surrounded
by comforts and luxuries, and feel that
you have need of nothing, if you are
not the children of God, with the signet
ring of Christ’s love, let me iuacribe up
on your souls, “One thing thou la'iU
est!”
The relijri.on Uxat has no Joy in It ha*
no pe*"je | n it.
GRAND ODD PARTY.
LIVING TRUTHS OF REPUBLICAN
POLICY.
Protection to American Imlaitrlrc
Through the Restoration of the Mc-
Kinley Kill the lame —— Silver la
Secondary,
(Kansas City Journal.)
It has come to be a common thing
to hear the tariff spoken of as a dead
issue. Democrats generally recognize
the fact that their party has made such
a miserable failure of its efforts at re
form that they would gladly see the
subject relegated to the rear until their
folly is forgotten. But it Is still a live
subject and one that will have to be
given attention by congress, and it will
he present In the coming national cam
paign, no matter who may be the can
didates of the respective parties. In
a recent number of the American Econ
omist there is given the opinions of
101 senators and representatives in
congress, and of a large number of the
editors of prominent newspapers in all
parts of the country, all of whom be
lieve in the necessity for tariff revi
sion along the line of protection to
American industries. There are let
ters from three congressmen from Ken
tucky who declare themselves to be
protectionists, and they are joined by
three from Tennessee, four from Mis
souri, one from Texas, two from West
Virginia and a senator from Delaware.
Of the newspaper opinions there arc
letters from the west and south quite
as pronounced in favor of the protec
tion idea as any from New England.
If anybody can read these letters and
still hold to the belief that the miser
able failure made by the last congress
to better the condition of the country’s
trade and industries will be allowed to
stand unchanged he will read to little
purpose. The lesson set by Grover
Cleveland and his party has been a
dear one, but It was a lesson that will
never be forgotten. The people have
had time to do a deal of thinking and
they have thought tc good purpose. If
there Is any one subject on which the
public mind has lingered more than
on another it is the destruction of the
purchasing power of the wage-earner
and the transfer of a great part of the
manufacturing industry of the coun
try to foreign shores. The only rem
edy to be found is In a restoration of
the policy of protection. And it will
be done.
Too Big a Job.
Mr. Cleveland has undertaken some
pretty big jobs in his time, in some of
which he has succeeded and in more of
which he has failed. Hl6 most con
spicuous success is the disintegration
of the democratic party. His most
signal failure is his failure to redeem
the promises of the platform ou which
he was elected. But his last under
taking. the suppression of the silver
movement, is the most Herculean at
tempt he has yet made. It is an effort
which is a foreordained failure and only
a man of the pernicious enthusiasm
which Mr. Cleveland possesses would
think of making the effort. Mr. Cleve
land wants the democratic national
committee to get together and endeav
or to stem the advancing tide of free
silver sentiment, which has swept over
the south and west, nearly inundated
the central states and broken on the
eastern shores. The entire strength
and prestige of the administration will
be massed in this effort, which only
desperation would suggest aud for
whose success only fatuity could hope.
But we thought that this silver busi
ness was “petering out.” We have
been told by all the shining lights of
gold mono-metallism that the senti
ment already showssignsofdimunition
and before convention time comes
around it will be safely out of the way,
to disturb the dreams of acrobatic poli
ticians no more forever. The fact that
the forces of gold arc moving heaven
and earth to suppress the silver move
ment is proof that there is a mistake
somewhere. It is made by those who
believe that the people are not in earn
est, desperately in earnest, iu thir de
termination to have silver restored to
its proper place.—Ex.
The Iron Industry.
The statistics of iron production tell
a sad story of the damage inflicted on
home industry by the free trade
agitation that attended the elec
tion of President Cleveland and
a free trade tariff congress in
1892, and culminated in the passing
of the Gorman bill in 1894.
In 1890 the United States produced
9,202,703 gross tons of pig iron. In
1894 the production fell to t»,657,38S
gross tons.
Under protection the production of
iron had increased with steady strides
until It attained the high figure named
in 1890, benefiting the whole country,
south ns well as north. All this was
in accordance with the general devel
opment of our industries under which
progress was the normal condition.
Hence it might have been expected
that the production of pig iron would
have gone on satisfactorily, and that
it would have passed the 10,000,000 tons
mark by this time. Instead, the fig
ures quoted show that our furnaces pro
duced 2,545,315 gross tons less in 1894
than they did In 1890.
What did this shrinkage mean? It
meant less wages for the workmen;
less money for the shopkeeper and
farmer; less demand for Iron ore and
coal. It meant less dividends for the
capital Invested; smaller inducements
.o develop iron lands, and a heavy de
crease In the general wealth of the
coun*vy.
In the south, where Iron ore is so
abundant, these facts, which concern
the whoi/j country, should meet with
®P P ? ’ maideration. The addition of
gross tons to the iron emelted
In the south in 1594 would have mada
places blossom into prosperity wnere
gaunt poverty prevailed and American
workmen, able, honest and industrious,
sought employment in vain.
Owning t’p.
The tree traders are at last coming
around to face the situation. As the
Express pointed out months ago, the
tariff must be revised in order to pro
duce more revenue. If the idea of re
storing protective duties is put aside,
the only thing left is to reimpose du
ties on non-competing products, which
are now free. The treasury depart
ment is said to l>e considering with
uuch favor a proposition to put a duty
on tea. It is argued with beautiful
inconsistency that a duty couhl not
raise tne price. Only protective duties
do that! Furthermore, it is said the
duty would greatly improve the quality
of the tea sold to Americans. What
a blessing duties are, to be sure, pro
vided they do not tend to encourage any
American Industry! Let the free trad
ers keep right on thinking in that line.
It is the logic of the situation from
their view point. If they had recog
nzed it at first they would have framed
a law which would, at least, not have
been the humiliating failure that tha
Wilson law is proving. But let the
free traders not overlook the fact that
a duty on tea would be inadequate to
meet the enormous deficit that is now
piling up. There must be a duty on
coffee, too, and a good sized one at that.
Let them speak up boldly and say so.
It will help greatly the efforts of the
republican congress to restore a protec
tive tariff which raises revenue by tax
ing competing products.—Express,
Buffalo, N. Y.
The Price of Wool.
The American farmer will be inter
ested in studying a comparison of the
prices paid for his wool in the open
market this month and in June of last
year. Taking four of the principal
grades of domestic wool, the quota
tions are as follows.
June Prices. Loss
1894. 1895. per
Cents. Cents, pound.
Indiana quarter
blood unwashed. 17% 16% 1
No. 1 medium uu
unwashed 16 13 3
Fine unwashed. .. H 11% 2%
Fine territory, 70
per cent shrink
age 10 9 1
It was thought that prices couid not
fall below the figures of a year ago,
when it was hoped that the effect of
free trade in wool had been fully anti
cipated. But the Yesult is even worse
Than the realization.
Willing to Hwr Now.
"The country never heard of Jud
son Harmon.” observed a contempo
rary. Probably the president never did
either, until Olney suggested him in Tie
half of the corporations. The country
.is not likely to hear of him in the capa
city of a suppresser of trusts.—Ex.
Campbell and Hill.
Ex-Governor Campbell of Ohio ad
mits that he does not understand the
silver question. We fear Mr. Camp
bell has been listening to Senator
Hill’s elucidations of the subject.—
Kansas City Journal.
Huahnell Sure to Win.
Mr. Bushnell, the republican candi
date for governor of Ohio, has a boil
on his neck. His opponent, however,
would cheerfully take the boil if he
could also have Bushnell’s chances of
victory.
The (dele Secretary.
The country will not get Into any In
ternational troubles on account of Mr,
Olney’s impulsive patriotism. There
is more of the icicle than the jingo
about Olney.
WOMAN SUFFRAGE IN CANAD-IJ
Nearly Half of tho Members of the
Common* Favor It.
A significant vote on woman suffrage
occurred last week In the Commons, at
Ottawa. It was the first time the ques
tion ever came to a vote in that body.
On May 8 the Commons member for
Assiniboin, Mr. N. F. Davin, moved the
following resolution:
That, in the opinion of this house,
the privilege of voting for candidates
for membership thereof should be ex
tended to women possessing the quali
fications which nowentlfle men to the
electoral franchise.
Dr. Davin, who is one of the most
widely read arid eloquent men In tho
house, followed up his motion with a
forcible address. The Hon. Mr. Lau
rier, leader of the opposition, moved in
amendment:
That the question of woman’s suf
frage is one which, like ail other ques
tions concerning suffrage, more proper
ly belongs to provincial legislation.
This squarely challenged a party
vote, as the amendment attacked tho
Dominion franchise. One of the notable
features of the debate which followed
was the emphatic pronouncement of
the leader of tho Commons, the Hon.
Mr. Foster, in persoual favor of the res
olution.
The debate was continued at intervals
during the intervening weeks, and a di
vision took place on last Thursday. Tha
amendment was lost, bv a majority of
54. Mr. Davin’s resolution was then
voted upon and defeated by ll)5 to 47.
The woman suffragists of Canada
have now the advantage of the recorded
vote to work upon in their future ef
forts to advance the movement, it
shows that nearly fifty per oenUof the
house of commons is in favor of woman
suffrage. Mr. Davin proposes to bring
lu a bill, next session, in favor of the
extension of the franchise to women,
and expects, in view of the present
large vote, that It will meet a favorable
reception
OUR WIT AND HUMOR.
i
CURRENT PRODUCTIONS OF
THE FUNNY MEN.
Dainty Morsels for Our Lena Renders
The Girl of To-day—Quirk and Sure—
The Result of an Experiment
Notes. >
j
HE has mastered
Greek and Latin.
it* * )l) as rea< * k er
Huxley through;
She can slt in Bilk
yj M \ . “V* Un 1
%W fit Trnby, too; ,
1^1 ) She can argue evo
lution,
ShG can t>ake a
luscious tart;
She is up in elocution.
And a connoisseur in art.
She’s the fountain-head of knowledge
And at tennis she can play;
She came riding home from
On a bike, the other day;
But I’ve heard of something better.
Since with her I plighted troth;
She can draw upon her papa
For enough to keep us both!
—T. C. Harbaugh.
Strategy.
Whene’er he saw the gay gallants, '
Who danced like puppets at her
whim,
He smiled to think no turn of chance
Could e’er reserve such fate for him.
He married her. She seemed to view
All things in lights that pleased him
best;
So well she planned, he never knew
He was a pupet like the rest!
No Inconvenience.
"Do you not hear me?” she fiercely
demanded. "Do you not hear me in
voke curses upon your head?”
He smiled a wan. apathetic smile.
"I hear you,” he answered in a hol
low voice. "But what ice do a few
curses cut on the hesd of bald man in
the fly season? What, I say?”
He sat as one in a trance, or church
reception.—Detroit Tribune.
A ('onftciention* Flirt.
Prude —Well, why did you refuse him
after you had taken him away from the
girl he was engaged to?
Flirt —Oh, I haven’t quite reached the
point where I will receive stolen goods.
—Detroit Free Press.
Quick and Sure.
Slob McGulrk —Say, Skaggs, lend me
yer gun—l want ter commit suicide.
Skaggs—Naw! d’ye think I want ter
lose a good gun? Look at here! Der
easiest an’ cheapest ting fur you ter do
is ter walk inter Duffy’s saloon and say
yer a dog-catcher—see?
(The coroner’s decision was instan
taneous death by shooting, stabbing and
beating.)—Truth.
Precaution.
“In taking this albuminate of iron,"
continued the physician as he pro
scribed for a fair patient, “you must be
careful not to get it on your teeth.”
“Why so?” she Inquired with mild
surprise.
“Because it will decay them. Some
take iron in capsules, but I think by
taking it through a straw you can keep
it from getting on your teeth.”
"Well, now, doctor, suppose I should
leave my teeth upstairs while Ita the
iron in the kitchen, do you think here
would be any danger?”
“Well—er —no. I think that would be
a reasonable precaution.” —San Fran
cisco Post.
Lizzie—What do you call it?
Maggie—lt ain’t got no name yet—yar
see father put an egg under a New
foun’lan’ dorg an’ made him set ou it! —
Truth.
Profanity Point.
A certain narrow channel with swift
tides, near Klttery, Maine, has been
known for many years as “Pull-and-bi-
d —d Point.” Steamships get along so
easily that now it is simply known as
"Profanity Point.”
A Pomiliii'st,
Goodfello—Cheer up, my boy. Ro
member the sun shines brightly after
every storm.
Parker —Yes ; but that only show
people how and bedraggled th
storm has