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LjyaaBswafetHfer VC- -.'?' . jril.-"" " ' -r -' --' GKATEFUL BEAR CUBS. Tclo of a Potato Flold by a Man from Slnnomnhonlng Way. till Uncle's Tower of Remembering, Illi Tatlirr's lluslness Idea, ami III Own Willingness to Take Homer's l'laco. "Honestly," said tho man from Sin nemahonlug way, "I feel sorry for tins siilo of tho mountain every timo I :omo over from old Sinnemnhonc! I lo, reallyl Honest, I dol Why? He cause, in the first place, this side of tho mountain secras to leel its littleness, and its away-down-lu-the-depthsncss, as it were, and I can seo it wondering1 w hat it's on earth for, knowing that Siunemahono is just over boyond, kick ing its heels in tho air, so to speak, like a lamb on tho hillside and swelling up, and looking sassy, as if it might bo a steer in tho oatsl Aud, in tho second place, because I havo noticed a prepon derance of yaller dog on this sido of the mountain, and then this sido of tho mountain's bears aiu't up to snuff. 'Ill fares tho land, to hastening ills a prey, where yaller dogs nccumulato and bears ain't gay!' Sorry? Why, I'm so sorry for this sido of tho mountain that i I had a besom of destruction with me I'd sweep every one of your yaller dogs into tho Allegheny river yander, and then go and drivo a herd of Slnno raahomng beaflo over hero and give you a new start in lifel Slnncmahoning bears! Why, say, Homer mado tho mistake of his lifo in not waiting a few thousand j ears and being born on the old Sinuemahonc! Then ho'd havo had something to twang his lyre about! Ho wouldn't havo had to tramp bare foot over tho hills of Greece and adja cent bailiwicks, making heroes, and heroines out of mora or less disrep utable folks, but ho could havo stamped and sloshed along the storied Sinncma honing, in t. pair of cowhldo boots, and sung of bear till tho cows como hornet , I often lie awako nights regretting that Homer mado that mistake. Thoso Sinnemahoning bears ought to havo a Homer to put 'em on record as they should bo put. Hut all is not lost. Homer gave old Slnnemahoning tho go by, and preferred ancient Greece to bear's grease, but all is not lost. Old Sinnemahone may not havo a Homer, but she has Me! And if herbears don't go dow n to posterity with bells on my name ain't Praxiteles Pettibone! "The trouble with me is, my memory isn't long enough to do tho Sinnema hone bear full justice. I have to deal with him as a contemporary, and con temporaneous history is a trifle dan gerous to handle, for thero arc other people who aro contemporaneous, and they may insist on proofs. It is much nicer to deal with history that was contemporaneous with your grand father, for then the burden of proof Is on him, and all you havo to do is to cite authorities. Now, if 1 had a mem ory like an undo of mlno onco had, I could go way back beyond this ques tion with case, and show up tho Sinne mahono bear in a shape that would bo much moro amusing than any ho has put on within my recollection, amazing as that shapo has frequently been. Tiiat uncle of mine quit working his memory, though, quite suddenly, and the reaction hastened his death. Ho was letting it hate full sway once, and after ho had at last called it in, the new school-teacher, who had never heard my uncle remember before, bald to him: " 'If I had your momory and fearless ness in exercising it, I would write a book and call it "Recollections of tho Deluge, by a Survivor." ' "Somehow after that my undo quit remembering and went into a decline, and never stopped this sido of Jordan. "When I was a boy, ten years or so old, my father, Reuben Fottibonc, said to me one day: " 'Praiiteles,' said ho, 'I s'poso you know them 'taters Is to bo planted to day. I guess we'd better got at 'cm.' "I knew it well enough, but I had just dug a lot of worms and had every thing ready to go down to tho creek and try for trout. So I said: " 'Yes, fathor. Hut tho trout aro biting tremendous, so they say.' " 'Is that so?' said father. 'Well, my son I s'pose, then, you've, been digging fishwormsV' " Vcs, father,' said I, feeling good, for father was an indulgent parent. " 'And got your polo, and lino all fixed ready, too, I s'poso?' said ho. '"es, father,' I said, and felt just as if I was as good as on tho creek. l " 'Well,' said ho, '1 s'poso it w ouldn't M inake much diiferonco if only ono of us planted tajrs to-day?' " 'Not a bit,' said I. 'if it don't make any differenco to you.' '"No, it don't,' says he. 'You'ro sure 'ou got fish worms enough? " 'Plenty,' I said, starting to got my ole. ' "'And you'ro suro tho trout are bit- ig good?' said he. ' 'Thoy wero never biting better,' 1 said 1 '"All right,' said he. 'I guess I'll ko tho pole, then, and go down to - ic creek and seo what luck I'll have, "iou go on planting 'taters as if I wasn't here, and get in as many as you n, for it's a good day for planting. If jou get that field all in to-day you can go fishing yourself all noxt week.' 1 1 was a trifle setback, but I couldn't help adrulro tho preponderance of tho businns litn in rav f.ither. It wasn't i fi ung that ho cared so much about. U w.is tho getting in of tho 'taters, and you H notico that ho didn't mako up his mind to go a fishing until ho found I could get along with tho planting all fight. My father was a remarkablo nan in a good many respects, and It is wrti feelings of great thankfulness that I look back now and know that ho let business overpower indulgonco that day " Vlong back In March that year I was out trying tho inaplo trees, with an cyo to seo how sap was running, ; w'icn out of tho brush, off to ono sido of me, an old sho bear carao rushing. olie hugged a cub to her breast in each J' arm, an I terror actually rolled out of her eyes: Sho saw mo and came almostt to my feet, where Bho crouched down and turned her eyes up at mo with an appealing look that almost made mo sob. I !oon knew what was tho mat ter with her, for out of tho brush sprang a tremendous big panther. Ho stopped when he saw mo, and glared at mo and tho bear family. Tho old bear trembled and moaned, and tho baby bears cried painfully human-like. I grasped tho situation at once. Thero was nothing in tho woods that panthers doted on as thoy did on fat, juicy spring bear cubs, and they never hesi tated to snatch um right out of their mother's arms, if they couldn't get 'em any other way. This panther had got on tho train of this partioidar bear mother and her llttlo ones, and had mado up his mind to havo a meal or two on tho cubs. Sho had fled from him, and seeing me, had thrown her self and family on my mercy, and was there appealing to mo to savo her chil dren, just as plain as plain could bo. "I don't suppose it is necessary for mo to tell you that sho brought her cubs to tho right market for safety. I stepped botween that glaring panthor and that trembling, wailing family of bears. I had my ax with me. The bears crouched at my heels and moaned and whined. Tho panther lashed his tall and glared. Ho know what I was thoro for, and mado up his mind to show mo how little ho thought I knew about it. Ho lifted up his voice and yelled. Then ho lifted up himself and leaped straight at me. I swung my ax. Tho ax and tho panther mot in midair. Tho panther's blood flew around and mussed mo up considerably, but I couldn't help but feel pleased over the way that ax had slid through him, from Ills noso clear to tho very tip of his tail. One-half of tho panther fell on one side of mo and tho other half on the opposlto side. A butcher with his knife and cleaver couldn't have carved him in two any prettier. I was pleased. I was, indeed. And the old bear tried to lick my hands and feet, she was so grateful; but I stood her away, and she took herself off with her young ones, her oyes beaming with gratitude as far as I could seo her. " 'That's all right,' I said to my self. 'I've saved them cubs, now, but they'll grow up. 1 11 havo some fun with 'cm ono o' theso days.' "so 1 went homo ana tuought no moro about it. "The field wo were planting to 'ta' tors had three acres'in it. " 'If I got it all planted to-day I can go fishing myself, all next week, can I?' I said to myself after father had gone. 'It'll take two men two days to plant this field, so I guess I won't go fishing next week.' "Wonderful head for business my fa ther had! Wonderful! I wont to dropping and covering 'taters and had planted about half of ono row, when a bear about as big as a shepherd dog appeared suddenly before mo. It scooped out a hole in tho ground with its paws, then went on thrco feet and scooped out another one, straight ahead, and right in tho 'tatcr row. Whilo I was wondering yet what the sassy youug cub was trying to got through him, I felt myself pushed from behind. Tho push sent me pretty near stumbling to tho ground and past the first hole the cub had dug. I had some seed 'taters in my hand and some of it dropped out and fell in tho hole. I looked behind mo to seo who was pushing me, and thero I saw another bear, tho same size of tho first one. This one had come forward and was covering dirt over the 'tatcr seed I had dropped in tho hole. I looked ahead at tho other bear, and ho was working away, digging holes, regular and straight along that row. Well, I wasn't quito a fool, and so I said: " 'Ho, ho! I see! Theso aro tho two cubs I saved from tho panther when thoy wero babes in arms, so to speak. And thoy havo come to give me a lift in my 'tatcr planting, to show their gratitude." "And I went to dropping 'taters in tho hole tho on bear dug, and the other bear came along after mo and covered 'em as slick and proper as I would havo'dono it with a hoel Thero wasn't a word said. I followed tho hole-digging tear right on his heels and dropped 'taters, and tho other bear followed closo on my heels and covered 'cm, and tho combination worked so amazing well that by thrco o'clock in tho afternoon that whole field was planted and planted better than it had ever been planted before! When tho last hole was dug and the last' ta tor dropped and covered, tho two bcar3 trottad back to tho woods, and I d.n't know that I ever saw them again. I hadn't been homo long when father came in from fishing. His luck had been poor and ho felt a little testy, " 'Never mind, father,' said I. 'I'm going fishing for a week, and I'll fetch in some' " 'Fishing for a week!' said father. " 'Yes,' said I. '1 finished planting the three-aero 'tatcr field to-day.' "Father looked so scared that I told him the whole story. After he heard it ho said: " 'Praxiteles, thoy may tie tho old Sinncmahono ono of thesa days, but they'll never beat herl' "And so 1 say, honestly, that I foo. sorry for this bido of tho mountain every timo I como over from Slnnema honing way! I do, reallyl I do, in deed!" "Slnnomahono!" said the man in the red, blue, green, pink, purple and yel low Mackinaw jacket, "if you felt hall as'sorry as this side o' the mountain does you'd go and shed tears with more salt in 'cm than thero is in a bar'l o' brine!" Ed Mott, in N Y. Sun. Every real master of speaking or writing uses his personality as he would any other serviceable material) tho very moment a speaker or writer begins to uso It, not for his main pur pose, but for vanity's sake, ns all weak people aro suro to do, hearers and read ers feel tho difference in a moment. Holmes. ' New York, tho greatest of out commercial citie- and tho leading bca port, is also tho greatest manufactur ing state. BACKWARD. Cleveland's Interference Alono Saved the Wilson Illll. In the Bulletin, organ of tho Amcrl :an Iron and Steel association, Mr. James M. Swank makes an interesting review of tariff legislation from 1S70 to 1804. It is nn unavoidable conclu sion of the, facts presented by Mr. pwank, though ho does not dwell upon nor even mention it, that tho passago of tho Wilson-Gorman bill with tho consequent demoralization of trado is not so much tho work of tho demo cratic party as of Grover Cleveland. Tho majority of men to-day, and at any timo sinco 1833, active In the dem ocratic party, aro free traders at heart. but thero always has been and, oxcept under such a dictatorship as that of Cleveland, always will be a minority of protectionist democrats in congress. And it always has been, except under the Cleveland absolutism, btrong enough to prevent radical changes of tariff by acting with tho republican minority. Tho tariff of 1S70, passed by a con gress that was overwhelmingly repub lican, was strongly protective. To tho twenty-eight dollars per ton duty im posed by it tho country owes tho crea tion, growth and firm establishment of Its steel rail Industry; and, indeed, all tho magniflcont iron and steel works of tho United States wero built up or confirmed by tho operation of tho tariff of 1870. It endured until 1883. Hut in the meantime it had been sub jected to thrco attacks, tho most seri ous of which was in 1878, when the Wood tariff bill was framed and de bated. It was a freo trado measure, or, at any rate, a measure tending toward free trade. Tho houbo was democratic, and it was belioved that the bill would pass that body. Randall was speaker of tho house. Hut on mo tion of Gen. Hutler to strike out tho enacting clause it was defeated, nine teen democrats voting with Hutler. Again in 18s0 a strong effort was mado to reduce tho duty on steel rails to ten dollars per ton. This was defeated in tho ways and means committee. The tariff of 1893 succeeded that of 1870. It also was protective in charac ter, though less symmetrical In pro portions than'its predecessor. Hardly had it passed into law before the demo crats organized for its repeal. In 1884 Mr. Morrison introduced his first "hori zontal" bilL It was slain by u motion of Mr. Convorso, democrat, to strlko out tho enacting clause, thirty-nine democrats, with 1'andall among them, voting ayo on tho motion of Mr. Con verse. In November of 1884, Mr. Cleve land was elected to his first presidential term, and in March, 1883, ho recom mended reduction of tariff duties to congress. The houso again was strong ly democrat!. In 1880 Mr. Morrison Introduced a second "horizontal" bill. Tho houso refused to consider it seri ously, thirty-five democrats, with Ran dall in tho lead, voting against It. "For this vote," says Mr. Swank, "Mr. Cleve land never forgace Mr. Randall." In his next annual message, that of De cember, 1880, Mr. Cleveland again urged tariff reduction on congress, and atrain Mr. Morrison introduced a "horizontal" measure. Again tho house, through democrats, with Randall again in tho lead, voted against it. A now congress was elected in the autumn of 1850, and President Cleve land addressed himself to it in his next annual message, December, 1897, and in this message ho came nearer a plain advocacy of freo trade. Tho Mills bill followed. Tho presidential power was brought to bear upon democrats known to be, opposed to it, and but four dared to brave his wrath. Ran was too ill to be in his seat on the oc casion of the final vote, or thero would havo been five. How tho Mills bill passed tho house and was rejected by tho senate, and how the country re jected the bill and the president who framed it and most of the democratic congressmen who had voted for it, are matters of recent history. At this point tho history of tariff legislation is completed to tho end of Cleveland's first term. It is plain that there al ways w as a considerable minority of protectionist democrats elected to con gress. As a sequence of the elections of 1888 tho McKinlcy tariff was passed. "Tho country now Is convinced of its mer its. It remained in force for but a brief time, but it brought unexampled prosperity to tho country, and unex ampled adversity succeeded thereto as soon as it 'jeeamo apparent that tho president aud congress wero bent upon its repeal. Tho intrigues, tho threats, the promotions and the displacements that tho president brought to bear upon protectionist democrats form a scandalous chapter in political his tory. Yet ho was not able to carry tho Wilson bill in its origiual form Amended and altered and patched out of all bcmblance to its original design, i tariff law that has nil tho faults of an ill-considered measure of protec tion and all the vicc.i of radical freo trado was passed through houso and senate, and was approved unwillingly by Mr. Cleveland. Hut ho is to blame for tho hybrid measure. No congress, not even a democratic congress, could bo expected to approve the monstrosity of tho wuson uiu. jsui tor presi dential interference tho Wilson bill would havo been killed, as tho Morri son bills were, by concerted action of conservative democrats and repub licans. It is to bo noted that few of the democrats who wero known as Cleveland's cuckoos were returned to the present congress. Chicago Inter Ocean. E3T"Iloss" Gorman, whoso revised version of tho Wilson tariff bill was called, by tho president, a piece of "party perfidy and dishonor," bcems to havo ruled in Maryland, and to havo given a gratuitous, though hypocrit ical, Indorsement to tho administra tion. Iow-aStatccgister. ESTSecrctary Carllslo says tho pres ent administration has had more try ing times than any clher cxeopt those involved in a ww. This is probably true, a-nd tho peoplo never want to seo another like it, Ono deficit of war size during a timo of peace is enough. St. Louis Globe-Democrat. A GLANCE EFFECT OF FREE WOOL. The Democratic Tariff Cripples Impor tant Industries. Some interesting figures in regard to wool aro given by tho Washington cor respondent of the Philadelphia Press. Democratic papers havo pointed with prido to increased importations of wool under tho now tariff, hut they havo failed to note the decline in the homo wool-growing Industry. The low prico of 'wool is forcing the sheep raisers out of bustness. With tho home supply cut off prices will advance again, but tho foreigner will reap tho harvest. Foreign wool is low priced only when It comes in competition with tho home article. Every timo wo havo had to havo tho foreign product wo havo been forced to pay well for it, and that will be the experience as boon as tho dem ocratic free trado programme has had time to kill off tho American sheep. Tho correspondent gives a table show ing tho home wool clip and tho con sumption during each of tho last five years. Tho figures bhow that with btcadily increasing consumption thero has been a decline in tho clip sinco tho 1 democratic tariff went Into forcp. Tho tablo follow s: Clip of 1990J09 OW.00O pounds used up In the fiscal year ended Juno 3), 1801. Clip of 1S91, 307.000 0OJ pounds used up la the fiscal year ended Juno 30. 1892. Clip of 189J. 333,000,000 pounds used up In the fiscal year ended June 30, 1891 Clip of 1893, 304 0X1,000 pounds used up In tho fiscal year ended Juno 33, 1894. Clip of 1891, 318,000 000 pounds used up la the fiscal year ended Juno 39, 18)5, Clip of 1895. 204 000.000 pounds available for uso for tho fiscal year ending June 30 1890. During the last fiscal year under tho McKlnley tariff tho home wool produc ers furnished all but 55,000,000 pounds, of the wool used in tho United States. Last year the imports Increased to 203, 000,000 pounds, and, with a consump tion equal to that of last year, the im ports for tho fiscal year 1890 will aggregato 208,000,000 pounds. It is estimated that the loss to the wool growers amounts to S40,000,000 a year. Tho only e"xcuso for this given by the tariff reformers was that freo wool would decrease the use of shoddy and enable American woolen goods to meet those of othor countries in competition for the trade of the world. Tho prom ises have not been fulfilled. Never has there been so' much shoddy used as now, the export of American woolens has declined instead of increased, and foreign competition at home has be come serious. Tho Press correspondent w rites: "Tho free trade price of wool was antici pated, and wool dropped from March, 1893, to March, KM. measured by the standard grade of XX Ohio, from a llttlo over thirty cents to about fifteen cents, and the wool growers, be ltcUng that thoro was no futurouse for tho ool Industry, sold their flocks In countless numbers to tho butchers, so that the clip of 1891 fell off (o 3:8,003,000 pounds, and that of 1895, just clipped, to only SOI 000,001 pounds a decrease, therefore. In tho two jears since Cleveland s Inauguration of 100 000 0 pounds. To make up for this deficit In tbo American clip wo aro compelled to Import wool to take tho place of the American wool destroyed to (ho great extent already noted. For the fiscal jear of 1890 we will probably havo to go to foreign nations for S03OO3,0 pounds of raw wool This takes no account of tho Imports of shoddy, ragi. waste, etc, which aro entered i manufactures of wool, for In the fiscal year ended Juno 3), 18)1. which was the last fiscal year under tho McKlnley law, wo Imported only 131,771 pounds of shoddy, rags, waste, etc .but during tho fiscal ear ended June 3), 1833, and almost all of It In tan months after tho passago of tho Wilson law, we Imported H,77.',0W pounds of shoddy, wasto, etc an In crease, o! over 1,00a per cont This was made necessary, first, by tho destruction of tho American clip, and, second, by tho low duties upon manufactures of wool and tho ad valorem fcaturo of tho latter, which permits underval uation and compels American manufacturers to Increase- their uso of shoddy Novor In the history of the wool business In America has It bcon necessary to uso so many choap adul terants In order to prorcnt our manufacturers from being driven out of their homo market by tho shoddy goods admitted undor the ad valorem rates of the new tariff law." This is a fair statement of tho way free trade affects tho industries of wool raising and tho manufacture of woolens. Net a particle of gain has como to tho American people through the placing of wool on the free list. On th contrary, ono great industry has received a death blow, and tho only one to gain has been the manu facturer of shoddy goods. Wo are buy ing abroad an article which wo should produco at homo, depriving tho sheep raisers of 810,000,000 yearly and turn ing it over to tho foreign wool inter ests. It is a costly sacrifice wo havo been compelled to make upon the altar of democratic freo trade. Troy Times. Tho Object of I'roo Trade. 'Rah for free trado and "tho markets of the world!" Dun's Review states that tho exports of wheat from Ameri can Atlantic ports during July, 1895, havo "been only 3,403,004 bushels, flour included, against 0.005,033 bushels las year!" Dun's Pcylcw represents cno of Blunder Hoies' "great cdmmercial agencies," therefore Its .statement that the exports of American brcadstulfs for July, 1895, wero only a little more than one-third of liko exports during July, 1894, under tho McKlnley tariff, may bo accepted ns conclusive proof that "tho markets of tho world-' want freo trade witli the United States in order that thoy may sell their pauper mado goods in the United States in competition with tho goods made by tho laborers of tho United States. That is the whole and c:ct object of freo trade. What do tho American la boring and business men think of their own situation under the Wilson-Gorman tariff? Let them answer in, tho ballot boxes of 1895 and 1890. Iowa State Register. 137"0fllceholdcrs under the present adminisiration.aro in favor of a third term for President Cleveland. And of courso they would not object to a fourth, fifth, tenth or twentieth term, for that would probably nssuro their retention in office, and establish an olllceholding class which would bo very influential under tho alleged re public that Grover Cleveland would govern in his consecrated way. Many peoplo ridicule the suggestion that Mr. Cleveland contemplates the possibility of securing another nomination, but ut the samo timo it is observed tha,t per sons close to tho president aro careful not to disavow ho cntcrtaina this Idea. Albany Journal. f CANVAS BACKS fouNTltY Housewife (to husband about to start for town with farm prod ftctjJj Joshua, tho ducks are all dressed and ready for market Joshua Tie a bit of canvas to each of their hicks, Maricr; everybody ta shoutin' for canvas-backs nowadays. A Uentle Kevuigc. Old Bachelor Remember that girl I nearly went crazy over? Friend Yes; her refusal of you near ly ruined you. "That's tho one. Well, sho married my rival, and he's committed suicide; and now I'll havo my revenge." "Eh?" "I'll will her all my money and every body will say it was out of gratitudo to her for not marrying me." N. Y. Weekly. In Arctle Circles. That they have buds In Iloston Ono scarcely dares to doubt; But, still In such an atmosphere. How can they bring them out? Truth. ALIVK AND KICKINQ. A Jonesey By the way, Smlthcrs, how ls that Spiccr girl you were gone on? Smithers She's all right. Jonesey And that crusty old cuss, her father, is he alive and kicking? Smithers You'd a-thouglit so If you had seen him hist mo out last night. Texas Sittings. . . Tntlrely Too Trcsh. Mr. Scoflleigh I don't seo why you peoplo should bo making such a fuss over tho new woman. You don't hear us talking about the need of a now man. Miss Fin do Slcclo No. As a rule, men are new enough. Judge. A Dreadful Thought. Guide A few miles from hero is a place in the mountains where there is a wonderful echo. Every word you say is repeated ten times. , Tourist Great Scott! What a fearful placo that would be to have to listen to a curtain lecture! Texas Siftings. Xo Inducement. First Bunco Man Couldn't get Farmer Squashly to go into tho green goods business, eh? Second Bunco Man No; ho couldn't seo enough money in it. Said he'd stick to summer boarders. Brooklyn .Life. The Opportunity Seized. She (in tho art gallery) I wonder ii my hat is on straight; everybody staret at mo so. He Naturally they do. You'ro tho most perfect picture hero. And now tho cards aro out. Phila delphia Record. niJ WOULDN'T FUOMISE. - -fi- She Can you keep a secret? He Well, It depends a good deal on how rough tho weather's going to be. It's hard to tell what a fellow can keep on board ship. Truth. Had Expressed Ills Regret. "You ought to have apologized to tha lady for stepping on lie- foot," said his mother, after tho caller had gone. "I did," answered Willie. "I told her I was sorry sho couldn't keep her feet out of my way." Chicago Tribune. I i '-' '2fl$ff"7i He Vul Bobbed. Brown You look as if you had tho blues. Robinson So I have. I've lost my beautiful new silk umbrella. "Where did you leave It?" "I didn't leave it anywhere. Tho owner met me on the street and took it away from mo." Texas Sittings. A Clear Coast. Catterson We are going to havo a big revival at my church next week. Come up and spend some evening with, me. natterson Great Scott! I don't go to revivals. Catterson Neither do I, but my wlfo docs. N. Y. Herald. Almost Incredible. A Houston (Tex.) gentleman Is too modest to uso the word garter. A friend asked him: "What kind of a present aro you go ing to buy your wife?" "I think I'll get her a 'honi solt qui mal y pense,' " was tho reply. Texas Sittings. Not In tho Market. Plugwinch I understand that Lame duck has several marriageable daugh ters. Samjoncs U'm he had till lately. Plugwinch Oh! then they aro mar ried. Samjones No; ho failed last year. Puck. Her Clover Scheme. Binks Jinks, is your wife highly in tellectual? Jinks Well, sho asked for five dol lars to buy mo a birthday present, and then got mo a slxty-nino cent lawn mower. Louisville Courier-Journal.. Going Away.for tho Summer. Mother look3 over tho warirobe neat. With its various Duffs and frills; The girls look over the list of ads And father looks over the bills. Washington Star. PBETTr IIAItD TO TELL The Speaker And now look at tho horriblo examplo upon tho platform. A Voice Which one is the example? -Life. A Practical Suggestion. Senior True, this is not one of tho great universities, being only a com mercial college, but, really, I think wa should have a characteristic cry. Freshman What's tho matter with "Oa-a-sh!" Puck. Done by a Illlnd Talnter. "A most wonderful bit of work. Thoso things were painted by a blind painter." "What were?" "Thoso blinds." Rochester Union nd Advertiser. Charm Wouldn't Work. He There's the new moon look at it over your left shoulder. She-I can't. ne Why? And sho pointed mutely to her bal loon sleeves. Chicago Record. New Light on nn Old Story. Sunday School Teacher Why did tha naughty children mock tho Prophet Elisha when ho went up tho hill? Llttlo Johnny Because ho had to get off his wheel and walk. Chicago Record. They Smile. Jimley Tho Japaneso mako it a habit to smile even when suffering tho most poignant anguish. Blmley Well, sufferings drivo peo ple to drink in this country, too. N. Y. Herald. Wonld Do a Loving Daughtor. Mr. Oldboy Say that you will b mine! Sno I cannot marry you, but I tell you what I will do, I'll let you bo a father to me. Life. -" sjJacJ&stSa. i wGlls gpaJJ li ' I 1 i ; i' 1 1.. III! I, 1 1 0 $