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The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, December 25, 1900, Image 8

Image and text provided by Library of Congress, Washington, DC

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn87062234/1900-12-25/ed-1/seq-8/

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r LORA ks always had a a tempcro tempror temprorrathr per perI
F I 1 LRA rather A will wi If I Flora Fr ever get geto get getl gctV
wrt1 ttnK sho Jbo hO stems to turn tunInto turnto turnI
V iI t o oa athh
l ort of human fortress an anall and andall
Into to a hmn torrI
I o
the Wags horses and aU th thVrKn the tben the1dr <
all br an
al n MRt < kile t Ike make > much of an Im ImT Im11J1 Irnton
VrKn T 11J1 1dr u ton on m mo on o HOT J yet It I was M through thrugh thi thimil thi tMtt
mil tt that tba Flora Fra came to marry mur Al AlLid Al2dy
i tbt
Lid 2dy J I aM Floras Fr F1ora aunt ant and andt I II Iw
t w l ail I abo abt about t It It It There Isnt Ilnt any harm harnv h harmtel1tn rm
j v teiUrnr tel1tn flhn I have I hav heard herd Flora Fora tell 1 I Ilr It Itanusofthfl
anusofthfl anusofthflI ot Unl
I wn t tlule < ju lr Uttt e lte late le In n her life lCe before btore Flora Florinas Fra Framunt Floramffld
UKWKh ahe he was real Rood Roodrjf goodarni
nas U mrrt munt mffld < Wa ral o
rjf and considerably eltebly welltodo welltodoM weltCo 1 1t 1 1t
M t know a why the young men dldni dldniff didntr t tF
much wh about her perhaps oni onir one onern oner
ff F r n 1 to care cat abt prhaI
seemed to care canrU careabout
r rn n was W 10 never eome
rU 1 < h about abut tliom thi perhaps prhaps perha another was wasa wa waa
a J lb iib a always act acte acted d kind of settlw settlwwn ettIed ettIedn
wn n anl an nutaflod tW tMlOd Floras Ilors eyes eel won wonvfr wore woret
around In search of hus huslan husJ husbani
t vfr r wnu wane1g lneng rtng arn IOrh
lan bani fr > J and fld ah le she u UO uted edo 0 sit it a a aa straight stright strighta aj aja aJ aJa
a gun in n mating and never turn her head hetdlut hM hMl headIhit
lut l t rhln then h n lb h dWnt dlnl have hve to to lce lceI ee the therrinlstT thezrnlfrr
rrinlstT tnI tr He lt was Wa the one on she married marriedH marr marrw married1jwevr I
H 1jwevr w vr r ike h he usod u o to look lok at him Just M Mhear t to toher
hear the sermon rmon Of and she never nOD hung be beMrJ be11r1
MrJ tfrr after attf mooting to w He him hUnt nor hat hatcry had hadfY hadui
1 meotng that she he nod nodI
cry ui fY y question qUIUon of conscience eonslen nod nodt1
1 t1 I 1 spiritual Jpiriual advice avt for like lke a good go many manywomen man manwomen manywomen
women in the village viage She just kept right rlghlon rightn
on cn n in IRT own way When hon he came to tetall tolal toiaii
tall lal on her ttr ahe he turned tumo the mats mat and aa th thdles Ihe Ihelle he henUtJ
nUtJ dles lle and and the pictures vlcturO and hur apron aprongt apronI
gt I t as a she ho did di for other callers c10r that tha he htwasnt hewant heunt
wasnt want unt real real Intimate with but that was wasall wasa1 wa waUi
all a1 Ui Hhed sit st t and talk with him as W calm calmas calma
as a a n clock clockYou clockYou clockYou
You see co this habit that Flora Flor had of oitnrnlng oft oftIriIlng
tnrnlng t lmln things to keep them nice nic made madenultp madenul maderiuit
nul riuit nultp a littla It6 talk in the village vSlge though thoughfcho thoughIbo thoughabe
abe Ibo wasnt the only woman who was WIS a anice anice a1ce
nice 1ce housekeeper who did that that I know knowlots knowl knowlt8
lots l > ts of women wom n now who never have their theirnats theirat theiriats
nats at right rght side out unless they the have haveparticular hanJutlcular havearticuiar
particular Jutlcular company com pn but blt Flora Jlora carried crrtd II IIi 1 Ittt
tt i good deal dBfl farther Why Wh Ive Ie been ben Into intcFloras Inollors Intofloras
Floras llors house when hen there was hardly hlrdl a atingle a arIngle ang1e
tingle ng1e thing that waa right side tlde 1de out out She SheLad Shetad She1ad
Lad a new ntw carpet crpet in her parlor and shefat she sheTJt theTut
fat that thlt down wrong wrng aide out to begin beginwith bl beginwih ln lnnh
with nh because becuso it had a a blue color on the theright theJght thetht
right side that she was afraid would wouldfaue wouldfaJe
faue 1 re and all al her mats were turned with withthe withtl withthe
the tl 1ewo sewed ridges ridge of the braiding showing showingand showingund showingUfli
and the pictures plcturos all al backto and the thetidies theLdu thetdtec
tidies Ldu and the tablecloth tblecloth and Floras Florastpron Flors Florsprone Florasrron
tpron prone She was very thrifty thrltt and a splen splencd splencA splanI
cd cA I housekeeper Some said she was the thel thf thtLt
l tt t housekeeper in the village She Shecouldnt ShecluJnt Shecu1dnt
couldnt cluJnt bear btar a speck 8pec of dust or anything anythingcut anythingCt anythingcit
cut Ct of place place the dishes Ulhe In her buttery butteryimd buteI butteryiicd
imd u d to look as If they were fairly grown grownto gown gownt
to t the shelves shelvo She used to keep the thedishes thedHhes thcdathes
dishes wrong wron side out or rather bottom bottomMle botom botomloe bottomlie
Mle loe lie up the plates all al piled pied on their thflr faces facesand tacesun faceslAnd
and un the cups and saucers faucors turned tured over overand overand overand
and the covers of the vegetable vegtnble dishes dishesand dishestlnd dishesird
and the covers COor of augur fugar bowl and teapot teapotet teapotIt teapotat
et It In the wrong way wayWhen wayWhtn wayWhen
When Whtn Flora Flor had a n particular partcular caller callerlike cnler cnler1ke callerltke
like 1ke Mrs Irs C F Belton nelon who is the richest richestwoman richestoman richesttoman
woman oman In town or the themlnlSter minister she used usedt
t Jly ly around and straighten things thing Luck Luckily Luckt LuckII ¬
ily t II her htr house sot high and she could see seoa seea
a long way down the road and had some sometime sometml sometime
time tml but anyway she had to work quick quickIve quickIve quickrye
Ive been In there when she spied some somebody somebody somebody ¬
body coming and helped her The way waywe wa wawe waye
we e would whop over those mats and the thetablecloth te teablecloth thetablecloth
tablecloth and tho tidies and the way waywed waywed wayWCd
wed clap over those pictures and George GeorgeWashington GeorgeWashington GeorgeWashington
Washington would loom up and Daniel DanielWebster Danieleblter DanielWebster
Webster eblter and a little ltte vase vae of flowers fowers in inpencil Inencl Inpencli
pencil encl that tha Flora Flor had done when shp sh went wento wet
o school shool and Floras mothers mothcrs portrait portraitwas prtrait portraitwas
was a a caution cauton Sometimes Som Umes I used to think thinkshe thinkshe thinkshe
she was dreadful silly to make herself hersel so somuch somuch somuch
much trouble I used to tell her that thatthere thatthere thatthere
there wasnt any ay need nee of her being bing so socareful 50careful socareful
careful of things that she had enough to touy to1uy touy
1uy uy new ones when those gave gve out but butshe butshe ut utBhe
she wouldnt listen lsten to me meIve meIve meIve
Ive Ive always done it she would say
09 If I that settled soted it itGood S it itaood
Good land Flora T said once Its Itslucky Itstuck Itslucky
lucky tuck you ou havent avent always a1s stolen and com committed commite cornmitted ¬
mitted mite murders murers and ld drank because I do dobelieve doelevo dobelieve
believe elevo youd think that was reason reasonenough reasonnough reasonnough
nough to go right on and make it J good goodand GoodJnd
and Jnd find respectable But she couldnt see seeany aceany ee eeany
any sense fense In my m looking at it S that way wayP
A peVson P on with wih such a will wi as Flora Flor hardly hardlyever hardl hardlc hardlyever
ever c r knows It I the not knowing It makes makesthe makesthe makesthe
the will wi last I guess guessWell guessWel guessWell
Well Wel she kept keV on living lving wrong wrn side out outand outand ut utand
and upside down to save slve things thing and it itseemed Itetmcd itseemed
seemed etmcd to get worse and worse I remem remember rememhtr remernher ¬
her htr once I asked her why she didnt walk walkn walkI
n I her head so ns to save her shoes and
he felt real sort of hurt about it I She Shewas Shewa Shewas
wa was wearing her stockings ftockl0s one side Ide out outone outon outone
on one day and the other the next not because becausefhe becauseFhe
fhe thought they would wear better and andthat and andthat
that hit made me think of it itFinally It ItFinally
Finally Flnol people began bgan to whisper that
the thC minister Mr Albert Eddy l dd was call ¬
ing pretty prety often oten on Flora and I joked her herabout herabout
about but it i a little lte She blushed blushe and didnt didnta
a t as if t she minded and that very vcr after afterroon aCer aCerfOOn afterauon
roon when we were sluing siling there In the therarJor theIllor thejailer
jailer Illor I saw sw him coming down the road rad
Land Lnd here he Is now Flora fold I
I he h didnt say SU anything but she colored coloredand colore coloredand
and sort of laughed and then we both bth be bePin ben beC8t
Pin n to fly n around to turn things right riht side sideut aideUt ddelt
ut lt Ut Flora Fora whopped over the mats and I Iwung 1wung Iwung
wung around the pictures and by the theme thome therue
me the doorbell doorbel rang everything was wasitht
itht ht side out except xCIf Floras l Joras apron She
hU clean forgotten torgotcn that When she came
in with wih the minister I saw right
i > that hat she fhe he had It on wrong s sIde Soe out out
a i was wa ruffled rum ed too and that made eoul it Ituric
worse uric I rose up when the minister male came camei
in i il > I thought thou ht I wouldnt be in the way
J L L t I h hlte h4tj t < Ml to leave 10 e and not tell tel her about aboutmt
tlt hagt mt apron I knew she would feel awful
l < y > about IJut it afterward So I tried
arorward trie to h > catch
Jur eye ye and make a motion toward it
moton tovnrd
v hili hil the th minister was as asking after I
afer my
luilh lutatl1 and my 0 sIsters sister but I couldnt man manhut I
J < n aI
J I weinl went outt out but I huln hndnt > t more than I
shut hut tut ine l e door
vtut dor before it opened and Flora i
tun Lf Ciflu ii 111 Ilflg jng out uftor me > Good j juhisHrrti land I
bhc lk uhisHrrti hl 8rtd i forgot to turn my I
Ciufl Kun and unt i had ad to tell tel him that I had J Jv a I
lk book 1 wlU WsJted d to tond send end to Aunt Susa Susani Susan I
v yuud Yuu uu d H iKtur 1Ur btjtt take taIe that book of Pansys
w ste t th the ubie tsbi bl JH 1f the sittingroom slUnroom so I
Xui a iiltLt lnt Ik luUe qutle ulte I so > bad d AH the th time tme she sheptrns sh
WI > WtIIsprlug hhlprtn ptrns that thlt sho was tylnu on
h 1h f Ilron alron UT n rleht rgh side sld out tlnt
HI I hop hu he h didnt dlnt notice out said she shefcut lhe
Oh k I I glebs 1 h didnt men aint apt
to 5t seW I II Ihut
I hut ut h had i noticed notced It I and he thought thoughtthn thouJhl
the i4
h4 told a falsehood for lie looked
out oC the bt winow window and aw saw I didnt have
tit the lok tooi I 11 lid red read I it before and 1
dldR didst t
W want it
It and bJdos besides I dont like
Ofn twN1n tp a fb Ab wih with sUlh a Ilimsy sort Jku
o of veil t I It i h alwtH a1w s seemed med to 1msy me worse
than tb wore
n tclUn
jelllnK telling one f right rabt out outnl
nl Wfl eIl Mn lr Alb Alblrt Albert t Eddy wont hoi hoii home
frt Pretty a i and he didnt
n again againThen
J It tum turned MIt t that iomeboy somebody had agin been I
ttlnK him how J1al liOra ktpt kept her thlnl things j
itrung rml Mltl oUt sail nd I guess that had had1 1
I rr aura II to cu lu wih with hl his stoln staying awa away thon than her
tlh a lib lie Mid I
Or flk fb le som sonic things IlnaU dually
Said > ll h he did that cme
l It kdtor tht cm rIght back
jjor u to how ridiculous he thoulit
I 4s Then Th I began bOIn to think It thouAht was all alllMld
er r aur lure al
it ulwns
hs seemed
I to
hfa Itmed
4u that
t When
a men
hcl begins to mlketun make fun
4 t II a a utfldfl moh that Is the end of ofblw alTec
an 1 118 ufc
111 U orry becu I
< Ir UI hail Rlwi lwuy
llt cl j dCI deal ot Flor Flora and I hateil atCd
IMI Iutk
k tbt t 4w had nolhln nlthlnc nothing bldcre before lon her
L tllar uIltlary old W age g Bttt cli U l the tIme me I
1 I4 I used vi to at H in meeting and andurn
t Redy ICddy an and 1 tW MW his oos
4 ot hlmlel himself to 1101 PIOIO sitting
it kl ns handlomo hendsomo as a at amnt
urn mnt t an 18 young yonl aa 1 some wmemyself tmp somemyself
p myself mY lt that tha If J didnt didntv
v ST z I should aoll think he was
ing 1 n over OYir his liking Uklnl for forJpubt or ore oroubt
L e < Jpubt 0 oubt Ub t whatever that thatHe tha thatHe t tHe
He told me so 60e soe soC
e had come to toec to zooeentrfr
< ec eel oeentrfr ntrU n tnt and andli Ind atItilpmeeL
li Ipmcct lpmeeL > meet And nd a afj
I f tr trIpmcct fj fjI
I minister has ha to think of that more thai thaiother thanother
other men menIt
I It came cam to the day before btore Christmas Christmasand Chrbtmut Chthtmasand
and he hadnt called cled on her for slj sljmonths six sixmonth sixmonths
t months but that afternoon I was ir In InI
I Floras Flors house and I saw law him coming cmlne
down tho road He thought he ought t tcall to tocall <
call cl and he made up his mind to make t tabort f a ashort
1 abort 1br formal Conal call 1 but It didnt didt come oui ouithe out outthe outthe
the way he had planned plannedWhen plannod plannedWhen
When I saw him coming I turned tc tcFlora to toFor toFlora
Flora For and I said ald Flora For I guess Mr MrEddy MrEdd MrEddy
Eddy Edd la coming comingShe < < omng omngShe mlng mlngShe ges
She turned tume pale then a beautiful bauttul color coloscame clor clorcme colorcame
came cme into her cheeks check Well Wel said Jald she shelet shelet shelet
let him come comeI comc
I Jumped Jumpd up arid began to turn tur the thiTWJIS thoUS theLjJils
TWJIS US over as usual and she jumped jumpe ut uttoo up upto uptoo
too to but she just grabbed grb d my arm ar to sto stom stop 8topI stopInc
I m Inc Instead Inteac of going to work herself herselfDont henelt heneltDont herselfDont
Dont said she I dont want them theirturnod themI themturned
turned turne over overWhy ocrWhy overWhy
I Why dont you OU Flora said aid I IBecause Ineuse IBecause
Because neuse I dont said sl she I dont doniwant dontwant
I want them turned over overNor overNor overNor
Nor the pictures either said I INo Io INo
No o said she Jhe Nor the tidies nor any anything anything anything ¬
thing thingAll thingAll
All 1 the time tme she was talking talkln she wa wapulling waf was waspulling
pulling pulng off or her drossskirt Then Ten she got golinto gotInto gotI
I into it again wrong side Ildc out and ad put orher on onher onher
her apron apr n again Baln wrong side out outI out outI
I I stared at her My Iy land Flora Fora said saidI
I I are you OU gone crazy crazyNo crazyT crazyTXo rrazyTSO
No saId she I have not but there thereshant thereshant thereshant
shant be any more talk about deception deceptionami dccepton dcceptonand deceptionand
and If he thinks Im Im odd he te shall hal g gt get t the thefull thetun thefull
full brunt of 0 U I Then the doorbell doorbel rang rangand rangand rangand
and Flora went to the door with wih her head headhigh headhigh
high Ih switching SWltchlnJ along that wrongsldeoul wrongsldeoulskirt wrongsldeoutfklrt wrongsIdeoutskirt
skirt fklrt and that apron When she came In Inshe InIbe Inshe
she did look ridiculous All l the seams s ams ol olher other ofher
her skirt showed the overcasting overcatni and andthere andthere andthere
there was the drab drb cambric facing facingI tacng tacngI
I saw law the minister looking at it I with wih the thestrangest thestrngest thestrangest
strangest strngest look I ever saw on a mans mansface man manj manaace
j face ace He looked as If I he wanted to burst burstright burstI burstright
I right out laughing and yet et he looked sort sortof sortot sortof
of admiring ndmlrln I didnt know what to think thinkof thinkof
I of him or her There Tere were all al the pic pictures pici plctures ¬
i tures tun s with their boardsides out and the thetable thetble thetable
table tble cloth showing the long l ng stitches stches it itwas ItI Itwas
I was one that Flora Fora had worked herself herselfand herseltand herselfand
and all nl the tidies tdies wrong Flora Fora talked talkedalong talkedalong
I along just jlt as easy as if I everything was all allright allright
I right rightIt right
i It I seemed to me that I never saw Flora Floralook Fora Foralook Floralook
look so handsome her cheeks were blaz blazing blazI blazlug ¬
I lug and her eyes like lke black stars Pres Presently Presenty Proscntiy ¬
ently enty she says sys Oh Mr Ir Eddy Edy you ou have havenever havenever haveiicver
never soon my m house I have have heard you youare YOUI youare
I are Interested in old houses and old fur furnlttjre furnl furnltire
nlttjre nl re and this Is over a a hundred years yearsold yearsold
old ol and I have some fine fne old pieces of offurniture otII
II I furniture furiure Wouldnt you like lke to see seethem seethem seethorn
them themOf thornOf 1
I Of course he couldnt do any less than thansay thant thansay
t say he ht would and we all nl rose rse up to go I Iknew Iknew Iknew
knew If Flora Flor was going to show him the thehouse Ulehous thehouse
house she would want me to stay
Well Wel Flcra took him into the kitchen kitchenand kichen kichenand kitchenand
and there was everything eerthln wrong wron side out outand outnnd outand
and bottom btom side up p down to the broom
Flora Flor called caled attention atenton to that I always alwaystake alwastake alwaystake
take pains pllm to set my broom with wih handle handleend handleend handleend
end down said she otherwise It I wears wearsout wearout wearsout
out dreadfully dreadfullyShe dreadtuly dreadtulyShe dreadfullyShe
She took him Into the buttery butery and there therewere therewere therewere
were all al the upside down dishes She had
baked some pies that morning and they theywere theywere theywere
were upside down In their plates If I the
bottom botom crust crst gets the air they keep long longer longer longer ¬
er said Flora Flor I stared at her for I
had never heard of such a thing but I
didnt dint say a a word I began to think that thatahe thatshe thatshe
she had been ben expecting expctng that he might mightcall mightcnnnnd mightcall
call cnnnnd and getting geting everything everythlnl ready that It Itwas I itwas
was all ul cut and dried and I guess it was
Sho took him all over the house In the
chambers all the bedspreads bspreads were on onwrong onwrong
wrong side out and even the looking
glasses hung hun faces to the wall I cant
have the sun shining on the glass says
Flora FJor it spoils It ItThe It It ItThe
The he minister rlnlsttr followed tolowd after afer her and
that queer look on his face seemed to
deepen and deepen deepenWe deepenc
We c had got around to the spare cham ell am ¬
ber and ir t was a a sight an oldfashioned oldtnhlo
knotted knote counterpane counterane on the bcd with all al
the wrong wrn side of the knots leots showing and andI
I the carpet caret wrong wron side out and the mats matsand matst matsand
and the covers on the bureau and stand standand standnnd standand
and the lookingglass face ace to the wall walland walland
and the two pictures one on of Floras flow flower flower ¬
tow towr
er r drawings drawing and the other a a hair wreath wreathshe wrathshe wreathshe
she made when she was a young girl
I The he curtains had the wrong side to girt the theroom theroom theroom
I room and I declare Hf lt even the chairs chairswerent chaIrswerent
werent tipped up and faced to the wall
That whole room looked as if I it I wal were
backing off or out of sight as fast fat as it itcould itcould itcould
could go goAll goAl goAll
All Al of a 3 sudden I saw the ministers ministersmouth ministers ministersliOuth ministersrnouU
mouth liOuth basin b gln to twitch twich then as If he hecouldnt hecouldnt hecouldnt
couldnt hold out a minute longer he
burst Into one great roar of laughter H HI He >
Just doubled oubled up with it It It I 1 never thought
ho could laugh so 10 Flora looked at lt him
her mouth twitching ua ES It she wouldnt wouldntgive wouldntslve wouldntgive
give in then she couldnt help it f and she
laughed too tooI toot tooI
I went downstairs it I suddenly came cme
to me they might have an an understanding
I went off or home without wihout saying saln a word
I went over there again a Jln the nest wor morn ¬
ing In1 for I must say I was wa a little ltte curious
What made you ou run off of so last Ilst night nightsays nightSS nightsays
says Flora Flol but she looked as It she was wasglad wasbad wasgiad
glad enough I did di I didnt answer her
tor a minute I was so struck I couldnt
think what had come to the house Then
I saw saw everything CVCrlhln was right side out
There here was the sun pouring in on the car carnet car11et carlet out
net ana 1 an the cmals mats and the pictures and andeverything andcprythlng andeverything
cprythlng everything and Flora had on her apron apronrkht apronrlrh apronrieht
rlrh riehtFor rkht rkhtFor
For the land sakes Iakes Flora said I Jwhos IwhO Iwhos
whos whO coming comlneNobody comlnt comingNobody
Nobody Nobod Just yet et that I know kno of says saysFlora sas sasFlora saysFlora
Flora She Sh e blushed all a 1 over her face and andneck andneck
neck neck neckI I
I dont know but the minister and his hismother hismothor hismother
mother will wi come to supper as long lonl as asIts asIts I IIs
Is Its Christmas says SIs she sh In a n minute minuteand minuteand i iand
too and Id Id be happy to have you ou come over overtoo ocrtoo overtoo
Then hen yon are ar going solnG to to says sas L LYes LYes LYes
Yes I suppose suppse BO says sas Flora FloraBut llor FloraBut
But ho Isnt coming comln till afternoon afternoonsays atornoon afternoonsays
5 says s I looking lookln at the pictures and the themats themats
mats again ngalnI
I know Imo that said sid Flora but Im Imolng Im Imgoing Im Imgoing
going olng to keep things thln right rl ht side out after afterthis afer aferthIs afterthis
this I got up UI this morning moring at 4 oclock oclocknd ocloclnnd oclockand
and nd turned turcthQ ftho parlor palor carpet crpot I had my myway m myway i ia
way a yostorday but this morning morning Ive Ivejlven Ie Ieglvtn Ivegiven
given glvtn it I to him for or a a Christmas Chritmas present presentCoprrljht presenttCprlsht presenttCopY
tCprlsht tCopY Coprrljht rtSbt 1500 Dally Dal Emil tory Ior FnblUhlac Puillhlnc Company CompanjrTwo Copau CopauTo CompanyTwo
Two Different IUtrrent Iolnta 1011 of View Viewrcre ViewPram 10 10Frm
Frm Pram rcre the AlUnjr Ibn rest FoitWe Fot FotWe restWe
We heard you ou whipping whippinG your our boy In Inhe Inthe inthe
the he woodshed woodsbo last night said the thepokcsmnn theIoke theapokesman
pokcsmnn Ioke man of the he party partyYes yarty yartyYes partyYes
Yes replied rlplcd the Indignant Indl at parent parenttho parenttho parentthe
tho youngster youngter played pla cd hookey hoke from fromichool tromlhool fromschool
school lhool ate up two jars jar of his mothers mothersm mothersjer mothersjam
jer jam m tumbled hi hlf his little Ute sister out of her heritgh herhigh herhigh
high chair and tried tre to build buid a n bonfire bonfre In Inhe Int1 inthe
t1 the he barnA barnANo barnLso
No 0 matter mater returned rturne tho rpokesmnn rpokesmnnIt
It Is is government Jovemment without wihout the consent cn nt of ofhe otthe ofthe
the he governed ger ed and we cannot cnnot permit prit It ItBesides It it itl3esidca
Besides ieldos that went on the Indignant Indignantarent Indlg1aut Indlg1autprent Indignantparent
prent parent arent he broke three thre windows in your youra9emont you youumen yourkasemont
a9emont kasemontWhatl a9emontWhat umen t
What cried crled the spokesman is he hehe hethe hethe
the he boy bo who did that tht Why he ought to toe tobe tobe
be > e licked lcke within wltln an Minch inch of his life le Id IdIks Id IdJke Idlike
Jke like Iks to have the handling hnndl g of him for hi hilay I i iday
dy day lay or 20 and nd Id Id teach him to behave behavelmself bthaveJmselt behavehimselt
lmself Jmselt Jmseltnut himseltBut lmselfBut
But government goarmonl without wihout the con conmt con5lt conaunt
5lt aunt < mt
5ltli auntJs mtJs Js li a theory thcTt nothing but a theory thcora thcoramensly theorya theoryameasly a aneasly
measly little UUe Impossible theory theoryOne Iheorylmeal heorloe
One meal oe of Shun SII UeeveA Stories Storiesrora rlorJn rlorJnFro itorIesFrom
Fro From rora th the London Indon Mtlnlr Ialnl About but People PeopleA Itople ItopleA
A favorite tavorle story Itery of the late Sluts Shr Reeves Reevesells neevesteUs Reevestells
tells ells how the famous tenor was stranded strandedt strnde
at t a country junction Junctoo waiting waitng for H train traint tmlnI trainIt
I It t was Wi cold cld and miserable niserable and the singer singerMS singerWII singerwas
WII was MS naturally ly not In the best of tempers tempersVhlle tempr tempersWhile
While nltur chewing chewlna the cud of disappointment diappintment
ah an old railway rlny porter who recognized rcslzebtm rcslzebtmCrr l him himfrom l lfrom
from Crr the th published PUblMe prr portraits prU entered enter th thwaitingroom the thewal thewaitingroom
waitingroom waitingroomGood wal waitingroomGood tngrom
Good Ood evening e nlng Mr Sims SIn Reeves Ree h hgal he helid hesaid
gal said L
lid saidGood Good LGood Gd evenlnjEf e nlng my man replied rcpte the te ve vecallst vocalfat
callst cl t getting gettnr ready reY the necessary neear Up UpThey tp tpThey tipThey
They tell m me you earn ear a heap hep o omoney oC oCmone ofmoney
money mone he remarked remarkedOhF remarkedOh remarkedOhV
OhF Oh r murmured murured Mr tr Reeves ReevesAnd Reevesnd fleeyesAnd
And nd yet pursued purued the porter porer dyU dyUdont yoi yoidont yoti yotidont
dont work hard har Not Noto so hard har as a I do fo foInstance for forIrtan forlnstanc
Instance Irtan But I dessay deMY you irn r rnprapa rnprapaten prap prapten
ten times ties what I do doh dohWhRt dooh doohWhat eh ehWhat
What WhRt do you earn ear asked uke the singer singerEighteen siner sinerI singerEighteen
Eighteen I bteen shilling Bhlln a a week ek all the yea yearound year yearround er errund
round rund said lad the porter porterSims porterSims rter rter81m
Sims 81m Reeves opened his hi chest chet Do D re reml remido
ml mJo do he sang opne th the last lt note being bing i iringing a arnging aringing
ringing rnging top tp note There Tbere my man mn there thereyour teres teresour S Syour
your our years ycrs salary latar goner gonerBROTHER gner gnerBROTER gonerBROThER
He 10 In I Down DoW on Cake CnkWalks Walk alk nod Gives ClreiII GhuI GivesIis
II I Iis Reason Ren B Thy VThrWhat Whrhlt ThyWhat
What hlt I want wat to speak seak to yo about abut dli dlioftvenln dls dlsvenln diseavenln
oftvenln venln said si the president preident of 01 the Lime LimeI
I I kiln kin Club after the regular reglar business of th thmeeting te tenleUng the themeeting <
meeting nleUng had been disposed of am In re regard resrd regard
gard srd to tC cakewalks ckewak Ize lze bin Informed Infor dai daisrtin dat datSrUn datsertin
srtin SrUn members mem r5 of dls dl club hey he got to togeddcr tottder togedder
geddcr ttder an 1t planned planne out a a cakewalk ckewalk fur tv tvcry cvcry V Ver
cry er Saturday Stura night doorin de winter an anI anI anI
I rant mt It I known right yere ere an now dal dalIm dntIm datPm
Im Im oppoid to de Idea Ide Im Im opposed oppsed to li lion It Iton Iton
on c gineral npPolp lnerl grounds an not bekase In Indown Im Imdown Imdown
who In Invented Inote Invented
down on amusements I dunno ¬
vented ote de cakewalk cakewalk but I reckon rekon it I was i iwhite a awhite
white hle man who wanted wante to make fulea fule oi oiall ot ota1 o oall
all a1 de niggers nl gtr2 men an women omen alike alikei alikeMcviii
i Hevln heard a heap about abut slch lch entertain entertainjmfnts entertln entertlnmtnts enteitainnients
jmfnts mtnts an nebber hevln tended one one oneent oneent 1 1i
i ent to Wntermlllyon Wntermlyon Hall Hal de odder oddeicavonln oder odereavenln oddereavenin
cavonln as a an onlooker onlookerWhat onlookerWhat onlookerWhat
What was de lust spectacle fpectacle diit greeted greetedmy greetedmy
my eyes eo1 Heaps an heaps of culld culd folks folksnil fols folkssill
nil 11 dressed drce In delr Sunday clothes cothes an anb anhln anIi
b hln win an grlnnln glnnln like lke so iomany many monkeys monkeysDar monKeysDr monkeysDar
Dar Dr wasnt nun nut dignity digiy In ail ai dat crowt crowtto crowd crowdto crowdto
to jump a cat ct ober obr de alley aley fence One Oneof Oneor Oneof
of de fust puasons pUlsons my eyes eye lighted lghted on onwas onwns onwas
was our Pickles Smith Sih He dun come tc tcme to tome tome
me de day befo bto dat cakewalk cakeJlk to borry borryto brry brryto 3 3to
to git shoes fur his chlien but he had hadused hadu hadused
used u e de money to buy a yaller yaler necktie neckte an ann ann ana
n dlmun pin to show him off ar While hl hlolc hlole hiole
ole wife was at de washtub an groanln groanlnwld groanlnwt groaninwid
wld wt de backache an his hmi chllren couldnt couldntgo couldntgo couldntgo
go outdoahs fur de want of shoes Pickles Pickleswas Pickleswas Pickleswas
was squlrtln squlrtn around like lke a young oun man ol oltwenty of oftwenty oftwenty
twenty an ant tellln teln how cakewalks had bin binde bInde binde
de salvashun slv shun of America AmericaOne AmericaOne AmericaOne
One of de pussons who contested fur fuide furdA furde
de cake was our Samuel Smuel Shin Look al alhim at athim athim
him ober obe dar He sits all humped ober oberas oberas oberas
al humpe
as It a house had fell tel on to him Two Twcdays Twodas Twodays
days befo dat nonsense he come ober oOr te temy to tom tomy
my m house an borryed bornd a a dollar dolar to git medi medicine medicine mcdiclue ¬
cine fur his rheumatlz rheumaUz He limped lmped In both bothi bothlegs bothlegs
i legs an couldnt straighten strighen his back My Mydollar Mydollar Iy Iydolar
dollar dolar went fur blue suspenders sU9enders an a afreckled atrckled afreckled
freckled trckled shirt an from de way he twisted twistedhlssef twistedhlssef
hlssef around I couldnt believe beleve he ever everhad everhad everhad
had a pain or an ache A man fifty tr yar yarsold ard ardold < 3 3old
old ought to hev some dignity digniy no master masterwhat ma matjerwhat er erwhat
what his color but bu Samuel was playln playlnde playlnde playindo
de teen fule fob as a bad as a de young younS folks of fit fifteen tt ttteen fitteen ¬
An our Waydown Bebee was wa dar darBrudder dareBrdder darBrudder
Brudder Brdder Beb Bebee e didnt come to me to borry borryany bory boryany b3rryany
any money but It 1 aint ober a week since sincehis sincehis sincehis
his wife wlff was ws tellln te1n me dat he had con consumpshun consumpshun consumpshun
sumpshun an ln couldnt work no mo She Shereckone1 Sherekone Shereckoned
reckoned rekone dat one of hh hl > lungs was clean cleangone cean ceangone cleangone
gone an de odder pullin pu1n hard on de hal halter halter halter ¬
ter to break brea away an follow tolow arter an I Ihad Ihad Ihad
had laid away fo bushels of taters tater to help helphim helphim helphim
him frew de winter Yes Brudder Brdder Bebee Bebeewas Bebe Bebewas Bebeewas
was dar an a he was twlstln hltn an dodgln dodglnan
an grinnln an enjoyln de occashun occshun bout boutfoteen but buttoteen boutfoteen
foteen times mo dan a camp cap meetln mectn He Hewas HeWa Hawas
was Wa workln harder dan as If he had an anax anax anax
ax In his hand an I believe beleve dat he an hs hapartner hsJartner hspartner
partner cum mighty nigh takln1 taln de prize prizefur prze przeI prizefur
I fur bein de two biggest bl est fules on de floah floahIt toah toahI floahIt
dat fo bushels bushelsof bushelsot bushelsof
It I am needless to add dem
of taters wont find fnd delr way to lila cabin cabindls cabindls cabindis
dls winter winterAs winterAs winterAs
As I cast cst my eyes ober de crowd I Ialso Ialso Ialso
also obsarve obsne Sorghum Srghum Johnson Three Threedays Threedas Threedays
days ago I met him gwine Into a pawn pawnshop pawnshop pawnshop ¬
shop wid some beddin bedln an he told me a awoeful awoeful awoeful
woeful tale bout sickness an hard luck luckDe luckDo
De money he got fur dat lat beddin bedlln went Into Intoa I
a a pair of otflny shiny shoes an dem shiny shin shoes shoeswas shoeswas I Iwas I Ihal
was jest jet sllngin delrselves deI elves all al ober abr de dehall doball
hall hal like lke a cat ct walkln on a a hot stove stoveAn stoveAn stoveAn
An I noticed Kumfurt White Whie In de dethickest dethlcJ9 dethieloest
thickest thlcJ9 of de crowd Bout two weeks weeksago weeksago weeksago
ago Brudder White Whie come ober to my mycabin mycbin mycabin
cabin cbin one eavenln an gin me to under understand understand understand ¬
stand dat he had sebentecn sebnteen sorts of dis diseases dlseses diseases ¬
eases an was not long fur dls ls world He Hewanted Hewanted Hewanted
wanted me me to promise dat he should shouldhev shouldhevheadboard hey heva heya
a headboard at his grave an dat I would wouldsend wouldsend wouldsend
send his bereaved an griefstricken griefstrickenfamly grlcfstrlckentamly griefstrickenamly
famly a gallon glon of soft soap an a bushel bushelof bushelo bushelof
of o turnips I hev bin waltin waltn eber since to tohar tohar tolfar
har dat de grim destroyer had carried carriedhim carriedhim
him off or an my surprise surrise at seeln seem him himpresent himvresenl himpresent
present de odder night nigt was as great reat as asdat asdat asdat
dat of de man who runs agln a sleepln sleeplnhog sleeplnhog sleepinhog
hog on de sidewalk Yes Kumfurt wasriglt wasright was wasright
right in de ce swim an had foeotten togoten all allabout aUabout allabout
about his sebenteen diseases dl cascs an ande do ruby rubyring rubyrln rubyring
ring rln on his finger tnger fingernobber ncbber cost ost lessn seb sebenty sebenty sebenty
enty cents I Ihas has got turnips an soft sof soap soapin soapIn soapin
in de cellar but day am not fur Brudder BrudderWhites Brdder BrdderWhies BrudderWhites
Whites Whies griefstricken grefstrIcken famly tamlynol not dls dlsyear dlsyear disyear
year yearI
I am one who believes beleves dat all al men an anwomen anwomen anwomen
women must hev social enjoyment enjo ment an air airmade airmade airmade
made hotter beter fur It I but it I grieves me to tosee toseo tosee
see either eiher white or orback black folks make fules fulesof tulesof fulesof
of delrselves an pay an entrance tee to toboot toboot toboot
boot boot A cakewalk am tomfule nonsense nonsenseIt nonsensoIt nonsenseIt
It might do well nuff nu fur boys an gals galsbut gls glsbut galsbut
but when hen grown up folks go Into It I de decase decse decase
case cse am different dlrerent It I would be Jest as assensible assensible assensible
sensible to play leapfrog or to stand on onyor onyor onyor
yor head Mongslde de wall wall I aint got de depower depower dopower
power to stop em an I cant cnt prevent preventmembers preventmembers preventmembers
members of dls club from attendln atendln em embut embut embut
but Im Im gwine Ine to say to yo dat de next nextnigger nextnigger nextnlgger
nigger who borrys brrs money of me to fule fuleaway tuleaway fuheaway
away on a cakewalk ckewalk has got to be nailed nailedto naied naiedtode nailedtode
to tode de alrth or I shall slll trip trp him ober aid wd a acrash acrash acrash
crashDar crashDaT crash crashDar
Dar was a time tm when de hull hul culld culldrace cuUdrace cuhtdrace
race was treated as chllen an amused as aschlien aschUrn aschilcn
chlien chUrn but dat cat time tme has passed vlssed Wes Wesrowed Wesgrow WesgrOWFd
grow grOWFd rowed d up an progressed an am suppos supposd suppose supposed
ed d to hev mo dignity dlgnl dan a monkey on a alandorgan ahandorgan
landorgan e handorgn I aint gwlne Ine to do no noihoutin noshoutn n nshoutin
ihoutin shoutn at yo 0 an dls kentry aint gwine gwineo glne glneto gwineto
to o splinters splnter If 1 yo decido de ldo to keep up dese deseakewalks desecakewalks desecakewalka
cakewalks Ize Iz jest bin glvln yo my in inivldual Indldual individual
ivldual dldual opinyun an I jest want to add addlat adddat adddat
dat lat If I yo feel yo must make files mica or ororaelves orYOrJelves ofyorelves
YOrJelves yorelves oraelves once In a while or bust It I would wouldfar wouldb wouldbe
b be far easier an ant cheaper an mo mot to de deredlt decredit decredit
credit of de race to sit on de cellar celar stairs stairsn stairsIn stairsin
In n de darkness an bob about an grin at atJe atde atdo
Je empty tater bin flats Dts all al Ive Ive gn got to ton tosay tosay
say an we wi will now blow out de lamps lampsan lampsan
an n break de meetin In two twoMr twoJlr two31r
Mr McKlnlcyN Clear Icar Bill BUIYjm Bi BillFrni
Yjm the Philadelphia rlaelphl RacerS ReccrflPresident Recr RecrPresident RacerSPresident
President McKinley has a record recDr of pur purchasing purchasing purchasing ¬
chasing 37000 30 cigars cigar of one brand brnd In the theourteen thetourteen thefourteen
fourteen years ear he was In Congress Congss Whle Whilehis Whlethis Whlethis
this his Is a very ver large number yet et It is no noiore 10 10more nomore
smoke in the thetme thesme thesame
more iore than a great many man men
sme same tme period as it averages averges but 1en seven ven ci clars cigar cigars
gar gars ars a a day Mr Ir McKinley lcKnle had a a peculiar peculiarlustom peuUar peuUarcustom peculiarcustom
custom in handling hantlng his cigars cgrs During his hisiervlce hlsserice hisservice
service serice in Congress Congrss he always bought boughthem bught bughtthem boughtthem
them by the box bx leaving letlng the box bx at the theitand thestnd thestand
stand stnd from Crm which all al his purchases purchaes were werenade weremade weremade
made made It I was a convenient place for him himo himto himto
to o call by to get a bundle of cigars cgar either eithern eitherIn eitherin
In n cal the morning morln or the evening He had hadno hadno
no 10 tendency tendtnc toward making changes changef In Inhe Inthe inthe
the he brand brnd he smoked He chose a good goodne goodone goodone
it since he left leftongress leftCongre5
one ne and stuck to It though lef
Congre5 ongress and while whie he has been ben In the theIVhite theWhite I IWhUe
White Congres House he has ha not patronized ptrnized the thetame thesame i isame
same cigar probably prbblslmpy simply because becue It Itvas Itw itwas
vas w not cgar aa n convenient cnvclient to buy euy It ItTHEN It ItTHEN it itTHEN
THEN AND Now NowiJ NowSli NowSaid
Said iJ Airon HOO l4 a medieval melnal boy boyTil b boyIll
Sli Ill Arn rellyou lel alt 701 7eI 10 wh Wbt hat r 14 Id like lke w wlow 1 wel well t to bow bowIo knowllei
llei low far fa the thed mon moon I Ii frm IXOnZ 11 e the suni u claeter claeternl dtanieter dtanieterAnd
Io LbS rain and
And hw ole one may prletthe prediCt riD mow snowId
14 Id d nl like lb Lbs LbsVbat to know kow tat Ue reuoa nw for the lightning 11hUlnr in inWhat 11 11Wb inLbs
Wb What em makes akM th the paean un tW tou tUe t to rl 11 cii and anI fall fallAndlt tl fallhy
> hy eank when hen ta you I IAnd let a b1 bodl drp drop It qulkl quIckly faU falls t to toeank
And Andlt erh erhAnd it the th world we H IRa t fA < < an an n w ralT really ly b 1 be a b 11 bali baliOh H Hb
Oh b Id I 10 te o ta t xhool shot and sway tadT every ner minute mInut In 1 ta taFarallmli ta tahr the thecurious
Farallmli For hr all tlaeh curlou knowledge bow Id strive itrirct ItrinU striveit
U t 1 cuuW only knew these the tnla thInshe she he care a atroubled atroubled atroebl
troubled troebl sigh sighId lft lftId
Id really reali be tfc the happiest boy bo iljT iiivsi iiivsiBut Un UnDut l lJut
But Jut Willie 1SCO 1 said W a greaseS rr1eut ctxtnry boy boyI b J JJ
I w dsh lab Id lived five hundred years an SanThis r rrhU >
1111 This rhU spending time In aehoolrootmtoh ehoolrocm oh I wouldnt wouldntbare wouldntbare ouI4I1tbl
bare bl w do doFor 40Fer 53Fer
Fer teen U tbflO > c thine they cldnt hare n to know knowIs knowIts knowIts
Its Is a Balsam reading aiSln t bl hltoriLcy lllortb tor tUy didnt have havemoth huemMb bitemesh
moth than tnsnAnd t thanAnd n nADd
And a in wUnee giinceIny t lItoa7 toy lwt twu Jolly Joll fun funor funFer funFor
For or there wain walnt l electricity or sound for boys bo7 to toTaf toIoolnl tolairs
lairs IoolnlTlf lairsThe
The dlwererers errnt born born or r hardly hard I on ond one onel4
14 d ilk tlka to lit tin s AI boy be bays did ten hundred yean an anFor a aort ayeFor
For ort they e Hd nothing else to do bat play playtharo pia piaH phiIt
H there watnt wunt iint aoythiog ta t 3 learn nor nan OJ1l than Uuathey thanther thanthey
they hid then thenMr thenI thenMr
Mr I wonllol I U happy every ery day daylguth dayYouths
lguth Youths C Cmpuioe mpnloA mpnloAli
i Three Foolish Old Boys
The Banker the th thefleal i Real Estate Magnate Magnatand Mllgnateand Magnateand
and the Merchant eat smoking smokln their c cgars d dglll cigars
gars together two evenings before Christ Chrlamas Chrbtmas Christmas
mas at the Three Score SCor Club They ha hareached had hndr hadreached
reached r cbed their belr three scoro and somethln somethlnover oomethlngover amethingover
over sagacious prosperous financiers flnanclenwho OnancIervho financierswho
who had never done a foolish Coo Ugh thing an anwere and andwer andwere
were wer grizzled led and dignified As their eye eyewaxed eyes eye5waxed eyeswaxed
waxed filmy 111m over the good cigars th thBanker the thlBanker theBanker
Banker suddenly chuckled ch ckltd to himself Th Thother The Theother Theother
other two raised their eyes to him but a ahe as ashe ashe
he still chuckled and began shaking hi hihead hiS hiShead hIshead
head for sympathy his cronies began t tchuckle to tochuckle tochuckle
chuckle too tooLord tooLord tooLord
Lord Lord what a boy I used tohe to be behe behe
he muttered what a happy graceless pracdcslittle gracelessl1tUe gracelesslittle
little devil devilThat dellThat devilThat
That you were the Merchant agreci agreciheartily agreed agreedheartH agreedheartily
heartily heartilyWhat heartH heartHWhat heartilyWhat
What an unregenerate lot we were werethe w werethe re rethe
the Real Estate Magnate chinked In InPoor In InPoor inPoor
Poor as mice he added slowly slod The Thiothers Theothers Theothers
others nodded noddedYou noddedYou noddedYou
You remember Dan Dan resumed th thBanker the tbeBnnker theBanker <
Banker addressing addressing the Merchant yoi yoilived you youlived YOUlIved
lived on tno th next farm and farms wen wenfew were wereCew werefew
few and far between Gene there thereflinging therctllnging thereflinging
flinging a gesture at the Real R al Estate Mag Magnate Magnate Iag Iagnate
nate he starved over In the town Lord Lorddo Lorddo Lorddo
do you remember the unholy bates o ocountry or orcountry ofcountry
country grub he used td t take on whc whcwed when whcnwed whenwed
wed have Im out for the Christmas holi holidays holidas bolidays
days Speaking of Christmas Chrlstmas The Theall They TheyaU Theyall
all drew closer Boys said the Bank Banker Banker Banker
er tremulously tremulous Id he willing wlUln to swell swelthe swellthe swellthe
the majority right now If I could be a ahappy as ashappy ashappy
happy as I was as a boy boyo a youngster youngsteithere youngsterthere youngsterthere
there on the farm farmThe farmThe farmThe
The eyes of the other two grew mor morfilmy more morefilmy morefilmy <
filmy and they said solemnly IThats Thats so soJack soJack soJack
Jack JackThe JackThe JackThe
The Merchant ashed < his cigar careful carefully carefully carefully
ly and said in a low voice the others otherhanging1 othershanlng othershanging
hanging on his words wordsPoor wordsPoor wordsPoor
Poor as we were yes But to see th thyellow the theyellow theyellow
yellow evening closing In The day be befor be betor befor
for Christmas Mother used to discover dlscoveithe discoverthe discoverthe
the kindlings were out or the stock not nolfed notted notfed
fed or the henhouses left unlocked and andknew I Iknew Iknew
knew she wanted me out of the way wajwhile waywhUe waywhile
while she crowded my stocking full ol olgoodies ot otgoodies ofgoodies
goodies Time was wasu his voice fell stll stlllower stIll st11lJower stIlllower
lower and his eyes brightened as with wltrmoisture withmolst withmoisture
moisture molst re when I believed in old Santy SantyRight SantyRight SantyRight
Right you Ou Jire are came the husky chorus chorusYes chorusYes chorusYes
Yes and iilother mother used to tell me If Iflooked 1 1looked 1looked
looked Santy Sant wouldnt leave I Ave me any anything anything anything ¬
thing and I always believed mother mptherl motherI I be beUeve beJeve be5eve
Ueve In her still stillThe sunThe stillThe
The The three financiers unaffectedly wiped wipedtheir wipedtheir wipedtheir
their eyes and loudly blew their noses nosesThe noscsThe nosesThe
The Real Estate Magnate was the first firstto firstto firstto
to brave an interruption Then the day daybefore daybefore daybefore
before Christmas here would come one of ofjou ofou ofyou
you ou boys with a big bt green wagon and andtwo andtwo andtwo
two big bl jumping horses Youd say you youhad youhad youbad
had come In for some groceries but I was wasalways wasalways wasalways
always packed In Boys I wont be any anyhappier anyhappier anyhappier
happier going through the golden gates gatesthem gatesthen ates atesthfnt
them I used to be when we went through throughthe throughthG throughtho
the big farm gates Christmas Eve when whenwe whenwe whenwe
we were youngsters There Dan dont dontyou dontou dontyou
you ou remember your our mother standing In Inthe Inthe Inthe
the kitchen door with her apron round roundher roundher roundher
her head telling te11ln us to hurry and feed feedthfl teedthA feedthe
the horses cause the buckwheat would wouldfall wouldtaU wouldfall
fall Then wed come into the kitchen kitchenhungry kitchenhun kitchenhungry
hungry hun ry and cold and wash out at the thesink thesink theiflk
sink iflk throwing water over O r one ne another anothergetting anothergetting anothergetting
getting boxed for it It Then your blessed blessedmother blessedmother blessedmother
mother knowing boys never got enough enoughto enou h hto
to eat in the towns piling the good things thingson thingson thingson
on me meYou meYou meYou
You havent forgot the real maple sirup sirupthat sIrupthat sirupthat
that went with the buckwheat Dan put putIn putIn putin
In eagerly eagerlyNor eagerlyNor eagerlyNor
Nor the real country butter Jack Jacksupplied JacksuppUed Jacksupplied
supplied excitedly excitedlyThen excitedlyThen excitedlyThen
Then they drew back with unanimous unanimouslaughter unanimouslaughter unanimouslaughter
laughter laughterWe laughterVe
We Ve were back there sure enough enoughJack enoughJack enoughJack
Jack said wistfully wistfullyI
I have an Idea IdeaYes IdeaYes IdeaYes
Yes Dan They closed around again againHe againHe againHo
He pawed at his thinning hair looked lookedsheepishly lookedsheepishly lookedsheepishly
sheepishly at the eager lAces aces then blurt blurted blurted blurted ¬
ed out boldly Well suppose we try a abluff ablurt abluff
bluff at It again againYes againYes againYes
Yes in mystification mystificationWell mystltlcatlonWell mystificationWell
Well you know Play at being boys boysagain boysagain boysagain
again just this Christmas Dont you youknow youknow youknow
know Go back to the farm arid a and d Just Justact justact justact
act up to the thing You see my old moth mother mother mother ¬
er is living Somehow the years have havegone havegone havegone
gone by so and maybe Ive overlooked overlookedmother overlookedmother overlookedmother
mother Course you ou know Ive sent her herthings herthings herthIngs
things but looked like I 1 couldnt pull up upId upand upand
and run down there Boys this thIng
Id give her a new lease of life You Youwouldnt Youwouldnt Youwouldnt
wouldnt mind playing the fool just once oncewould oncewould oncewould
would you youHe youII ou ouHe
He II looked pleadingly at their red work workIng working I IIng
Ing faces facesYou face faceYou facesYou
You blasted prodigal the Real Es Estate Estate Estate ¬
tate Magnate ejaculated In a hoarse voice YoiceNeglecting yofceNeglecting voiceNeglecting
Neglecting that t dear old mother of ofyours otours ofyours
yours ours If youd never remembered your yourmother yourmother yourmother
mother youd know what whallt it was to have haveone haveone haveone
one Why man Id go to the end of the theworld tbeworld theworld
world If I had to crawl to see your our moth mother mother mothor ¬
er again who used to mother a mother motherless motheritss motheress ¬
less ess boy bo He glared at the penitent Mer Merchant Merchant 31crchant ¬
chant chantI chantI
I second the motion the Banker chim chimed chimed chImedin ¬
ed edin edinThey In InThey InThey
They left the city next morning and It Itwas Itwas itwas
was an hour by sun when they got out of
the train and found
the big farm wagon wagonwaiting wagonwaiting wagonwaiting
waiting for them themThey themThey themThey
They were calling caUln out to one another anotherabout anotherabout anotherabout
about familiar landmarks as they passed passedalong passedllon passedelong
llon along and Dan jumped down d wn and swung
open the old farm gates gat S before the driver drivercould drivercould drivercould
could The other ther old boys waited till he hecould hecould hecould
could meet his mother alone then came
bustling In and were hugged by the old
lady ladyShe ladyShe ladyShe
She entered into the spirit of the thing thingso
so thoroughly that each one felt a boy boywhen boywhen boywhen
when she sent Jack 6ff 6 to shake down
fodder fod er for the horses hors s Dan to lock the
henhouse and Gene to split the kind kindlings kindlings kindhugs ¬
lings He was so thoroughly Imbued with
his part that Wh when n he mashed his finger fingerwith fingerwith fingerwIth
with the hatchet he spat out a byword bywordnot bywordLot bywordnot
not thought of n forty years yearsGol Gol darn I
it m Then there was the old mother stand standing standing standlug ¬
ing in the lighted kitchen door calling
them into supper supperSurely suvperSurely supperSurely J
Surely that was the old sink and here
they were spluttering and throwing the thewater thewater thewater
water over one another and the mother motherscolding motherscolding motherscolding
scolding at then the Then the same smoking
cakes country butter and homemade homemademaple homemademaple homemademaple
maple syrup which wore w re pressed on them themthe themthe themthe
the mother declaring that town boys boysnever boY8neer boysnever
never get enough to eat And maybe maybesomething maYbeomethln maybesomething
something omethln in the fresh fr sht country air or orthe orthe
the old associations gave them appetites
they the had lost when they left the farm farmAfter tarmAtter farmAfter
After supper they popped corn in the theold theold theold
old way and listened to ghost stories told i
by the mother and felt the same old oldthrilling 01dthrllUng oldthrililng
thrilling fear of dancing shadows in dark darkcorners darkcorners darkcorners
corners and thought with a shiver of the theunexplored theunexplored
unexplored blackness blacknessunder under the bed bedPromptly bedPromptly bedPromptly I
Promptly at D oclock the mother rose roseand roseand I Iand
and ordered them to bed They tried to topeep topeep topeep
peep into the kitchen where their stock ¬
ings were bung but the mother told them themthat themthat themthat j
that Santy wouldnt leave them anything
If they caw tm W him and so to bed bedWhen badWhen
When the first gray streaks of morning morningshowed mornlnltshowed morningshowed
showed through the windows Dan hopped hoppedout hoPpedout hoppedout
out of bed and roused his companions 1
but they grunted and settled for another anothernap anothernap
nap j
Both roused with Indignant snorts snorts a a few fewminutes tewminutes fewminutes
minutes later llter when they were douched in I
the face with Ice water waterGol1 waterGol waterGol
Gol darn y y Gene spluttered hurl
Ing his pollow harmlessly harmlesslyYou harmlesslyYou harmlesslyYou
You chicken thief Jack howeld Then
there was a a shadow through throu h the dim
light and Dan was nursing his hi jaw from froma
a a stinging slap slapUp slapUp slapUp
Up to it again a aln are y his mother de demanded de doinanded ¬ i imanded
manded and was gone Then there was i imuntin
muntin taunting laughter and alJd they the pitched Into
their clothes and rtiphed rtthed to the kitchen
The stockings were ere plethoric Jack Jackplunged Jackplunged Jackplunged I
plunged into his hisGee hisGee hisGee
Gee whiz Marbles a twist of molasses molassescandy molaa molaacandy molassescandy
candy a Barlow knife a ball of twIne twltiestrangely twln twlnstrangely twInestrangely
strangely dear to the boy heart heart and a
hunk of ginger bread breadMeanwhile breadlemwhl1e breadMeanwhile
Meanwhile Dan had rifled his and
drawn forth a Jumpingjack a alxbladcd i ilmle
knife Imlfe maple sugar cakes cake and a large red redapple rednllple redapple
apple nllpleWhUe appleWhile appleWhile
While Gene reveled over a knife With lth
four blades blad I and a corkscrew attachment attachmenta
n a gaudy top and a big orange orangeAs orangeAs orangeAs
As they compared their gifts and dis disputed dl dlputed diiputed ¬
puted over values the mother sac sa t by the theOre thefire thefire
fire and laughed lau hed till she cried then all allaf II I Iof
af the three old boys kissed her and she
bum on the neck of each and bless you 011 I
if all did not cry together like children childrenBut chlldrenBut childrenBut
But they thilbegnn began laughing again and wer werhustled werhustied were werehusted
hustled out out to do the morning chores t tthe to totheobvtou tothe <
the theobvtou obvious uneasiness of o the hired man manwho manwho manWho
who looked on this amiable Idiocy wltl wltlbofine with withbotlne withbofine
bofine contempt contemptAlter contemptArter contemptALter
Alter breakfast mother read the chap chapter chapter chaptex
ter about the Babe at Bethlehem and af aftorward aft attersard
torward t Nard made the boys go to church churclwhile churchWhile churchwhile
while she looked after the dinner dinnerThey dinnerThey dinnerThey
They were all tired out ul physically bu bunot but butnot butnot
not one of them would have showed 1 1for It ItCor Itfor
for a fortune They threw tlrcwrocks rocks on the theway their theirW2 theirway
way W2 back b ck from church and Gene almost almossprained almostsprained almostsprained
sprained his fat fal white wrist wrIst anS antJacka antJackashoulder an Jack Jackshoulder Jacks Jacksshoulder
shoulder was sore to the touch aId Daibad Dan Delnhad Danbad
bad bruised his thumb thumbWhen thumbWhen thumbWhen
When they got ready to go back 3Ck to the thecity the theclty thecity
city that evening evenln the mother put hei heiarms h her herarms r rarms
arms around as much of them as eh ehcould she shecould shecould <
could and said saidBoys saldDoys saidBoys
Boys I havent been as happy In forty fortjyears tortyrears fortyyears
years yearsAnd yearsAnd
And they all agreed io tothe the same sameJust san1eJust sameJust
Just my boys again she went on onlooking onleaking onlcoking
looking Into their wrinkled worldly facewith faces faceswith faceswith
with dim eyes God bless you all al1 Then Thershe Thenshe Thenshe
she followed them out to the gate te am amcalled and andcalled andcalled
called cheerily after them as they stum stumbled stumbled stumbled
bled blindly toward the big wagon wagonCome wngonCome wagonCome
Come again next year yearAnd yearAnd ear earAnd
And they echoed huskily waving their thelihats theirha18 theirhats
hats hatsXext
Next year yearAnd yearAnd yearI
I And the three foolish old boys sat salhumped sathumped sathumped
humped up on the car seats tired out re reluctantly re reluctantly reluctantly ¬
luctantly allowing their boyhood to slip slijback slipback slipback
back into the past pastI pastARIZONA pastARIZONA
Mrs John Agnew wishes us to correc correcthe correct correctthe correctthe
the statement that her husband wa wadrunk was wasdrunk wasdrunk
drunk when killed by a bear on North NortlCreek NorthCreek NorthCreek
Creek the other day We do BO with grea greacheerfulness great greatcheertulnefis greatcheerfulness
cheerfulness He had an empty quar quarbottle quart quartbottle quartbottle
bottle beside him and was evidently evldenU lyln lylndown lying lyingdown lyingdown
down when attacked but we never nev r le letrifles let lettritles lettrifles
trifles stand In our way In rendering ai aiapology an anapology anapology
apology apologyAii apologyAll apologyAn
All anonymous letter l r Informs us tha thafor that thattor thatfor
for a Christmas present we will receive J JJJO 1 1O ato
JJO to O coffin and a newmade grave Thi Thiwriter The Thewriter Thewriter
writer of the letter seems to be a man majwho manwho manwho
who does not love us but if his present presentarrive prelientsarrive presentsarrive
arrive they will be taken in and duly ad admired admired admired ¬
mired and appreciated appreciatedOur appreciatedOur appreciatedOur
Our little affair with Col Hop the oth other other othor ¬
er day has been greatly magnified magnltl d by b our ourmalicious ourmalicious ourmalicious
malicious contemporary The colonel came camefco cameour cameto
fco our office to borrow 5 5 As he already alreadyowed alreadyowed alreadyowed
owed us 50 50 borrowed money we declined declinedto
to lend him any more and in order to get getrid getrid getrid
rid of him wo had to throw him through througha
a a window There was no shooting no noexcitement noexcitement noexcitement
excitement no hard feelings We just justpitched justpitched justpitched
pitched him out and that was all allSix allSb allSi
Six Si of pur our Texas Texassubicribers subscribers stopped stoppedtheir stoppedtheir stoppedtheir
their Kicker last week because we re refused refused refused ¬
fused to pitch Into Mexico and get up a awar awar awar
war It is our aim to please our sub subscribers subscrIbers subscribers ¬
scribers as far as possible but we cant cantgo cantgo cantgo
go too far In It We have nothing In par particular particular particuhar ¬
ticular against Mexico and must decline declineto Ieciineto
to pick a fuss fussAn tussAn fussAn
An item In our columns last week stat stated stated stated ¬
ed that Mrs Gen Deyo of this gulch gulchwas Iulchwas gulchwa
was wa formerly a a ballet girl In the East EastThe EastThe EastThe
The Idea was to Increase her social pres prestige prestige prestlge ¬
tige here at home but as she and her herhusband herhusband herhusband
husband have filed vigorous objections objectionswe
we make our humble apology and trust trustthat trustthat trustthat
that she was a leading lady instead of a aballet aballet aballet
ballet girl girlJoe girlJoe girlJoe
Joe Crowley of the thefloyal Royal Poker Rooms Roomswas Roomswas Roomswas
was Idiot enough to put up a mirror 20 20feet 20feet 20feet
feet long and 4 feet wide behind his bar barthe barthe barthe
the other day It had not been en in place placetwenty plac plactwenty pIacetwenty
twenty minutes before half a dozen men menwere menwere menwere
were shooting at their reflected mugs mugsand mugsand mugsand
and Joe was i5 150 out of pocket Glveadam GlveadamGulch GlveadamGulch GiveadainGulch
Gulch is feeling the tremble of civiliza civilization clvlUzallon civihization ¬
tion but It will be ten years before bar barmirrors barmirrors barmirrors
mirrors will be safe from from bullets bulletsWe bulletsWe bulletsWe
We have the names of at least three threecritters threecritters threecritters
critters In this town who are hankering
for our Job as postmaster and are wait
lug In to seo us bounced We arc in love lovewith lovewith lovewith
with the Job and Intend to hold on to it itand Stand itand
and if there Is anybody In this territory
who can beat us at pulling wires and andmending andmending andmending
mending fences we will doff our hat to
him when he has us on our back backWe backWe backWe
We made a holy holshow show of ourself on
Apache avenue the other
day when a astranger astranger astranger
stranger got the drop on us and held a arevolver arevolver arevolver
revolver to our ear Yes Yesi we knelt down downas downas downas
as ho commanded and we repeated the theapology theapolo theapology
apology apolo apology he h so kindly worded for us and andwe andwe andwe
we expect to lose fifty subscribers by It it
However we had rather be alive a Ive editor
than a dead Idiot When a man who whomeans whomeans whomeans
means shoot gets the drop on us we are
his mutton for or the time being and dont dontpropose dontpropose dontpropose
propose being laid away in our own grave graveyard STJveyard graveyard ¬
yard yardMr yardMr yardMr
Mr J B Williams Wilhiamsour our esteemed fellow
townsman is about to remove to Santa
Fe N M to open a palace of poker and
drinks We have found him a square man manon manon manon
on the deal and a connoisseur on drinks drinksand drinksand drinksand
and we wish him all prosperity In the new
field to which whl h he Is going He is something
of a liar and knows I Igun
very little hittl about a agun agun
gun but these are faults which can be beoverlooked beoverlooked beoverlooked
overlooked In almost any community communityWe communityWe communityWe
We understand that Lawyer Moss Is
telling different parties around town that thatwe thatwe thatwe
we threatened his life last Monday What Wh1twe Whatwe I Iwe
we did do was to visit his office and hold
a gun on his chin and warn him not to topester topester topester
pester us with any more libel suits but butno butno butno
no threats were made Indeed he caved cavedso cavedso
so 0 quickly that no threats were necessary
We have nothing against Lawyer MOM MOMand Mostand r019 r019and
and hope he may live for a hundred years yearsThe ears
yet yetThe
The editor of the thTLone theLone Lone Jack Banner
calls us a a l Itar ar in his last issue and inti ¬
mates that we dont care to meet him
face to face We W shall be In Lone Jack
Monday afternoon and If the editor of
the Banner doesnt take to the woods
half an hour before our arrival and re
main f iJ7 shivering lverlnS Rjnong among the bushes until untily
we leave we will pay y over J100 l00 to any
charity Jle may name Hes a squirtgun squirtgunbother
man and weve let him
live vo on Just to tortupicUn
bother the flies fliesPtIepliu
rtupicUn to Continued Continuedrorn ConOruedIirom Confirmedrrom
Iirom rorn Ionian TltBiU TltBiUAn mniisAn
An old gentleman
a gatherer gathererown
01 statistics but with n kindly face which
shaded ort to something like philanthropy
about the edges was gazing abstractedly
down own Regent street Suddenly he stepped
up UI P to to a gentleman who was waiting for
a bus and touching him
lightly on the
boulder said Excuse me but did yoS yoU
just ust drop a
sovereign Z holding out In
his Js hand the coin mentioned
The gentleman entle 1an questioned made a hasty haJt
search of his pockets and said Why hy
110 o I did didl And I hadnt missed it lU hold
lug ng out an eager hand handThe handThe handThe
The old man drew forth a notebook and andWell
took his name and address and then
said I thou thought ht po turning away
Well Vell said the
other do you yo want
It t all as a reward rewardI
I did not find one said the old man
but It struck me that in a large city
like Ike this thtsthcre there must be a lot of money
lost lost oat and upon inquiry I find you ou are the theLia
thlrtYfi thirtyfirst t man who h has lost 11 sovereign
this Lia very morning morningKnowrTbrieir mornln mornlnIuw mornInglCnawTkyiig
KnowrTbrieirroa Iuw KnowrTbrieir Tkelr TkelrFro1S
From roa the Hocsebolt HocseboltA Jla1lfboHA
A teacher In one of Bostona public
schools bad instructed her pupils in hy
giene lene and toward the end of the term termrishins termwishing
wishing to see bow well w ll they could touldmember ould re reaember
member told tpld them to each write out a
little story of the human body bO 1y < The fol foltwlng
twlng Is copied from the story one onemall one2I1rall onesmall
small mall boy banded her with the confident confidentesurahce confidentaeaurance Confidentauura
esurahce auura ce that ho knew It was all aU right rightor
for or he had studied very hard over Jf Jt
The human body is divided into three threemrtsthe threeparlJltbe threepartsthe
mrtsthe hea head < 2 the thorax and the ab abhe ab
demon demonThe
The The head contains the brains it t there
are any the thotaxcontalns thosax contains the heart
and the vitAl organs end nd the abdomen
the he vowels of which hIch there are flye flyeo f1yoa
I 0 end u and sometimes w and
y yOnr Yo YoOnr yOur
Onr Ilnltrftpaken ilninpekeurrom Mr 1Irl1tGate 1Irl1tGaterom ttoate ttoaterota
rom rota L I N Fords London Letter LetterThe Lttterhe ttt tttrho
The American Ambassador a astonished tonlih i
bl his Is Guild Hall audience by the frankae frankness
with Ith Ithhteh which he congratulated Lord gij gijjury Salls
bUr jury upon deferring d terrtng his Incursion Into
American politics until the election Was was
over and fairly put Got and and Magog ou ouof out outof outof
of countenance by tho audacity a daclty with wltlwhich withwhich wIthwhich
which he heconvaredthe compared the retiring foreign forclgtminister foreignminister
minister to a tallow chandler on melting meltlnidays
days Mr Choatea speech was received receivedhowever receivedowcler receivedmowever
however mowever with lth peals of laughter and hli hlireference his hisreference hisreference
reference to to Downing street IUI s an Artier Arnerjc AmerJ Artierican
J jc ican an n precinct caused intense Jnten c amusement amusementwhile amuementwhlle amusementWhile
while his h final tribute to t Lord Salisbury Salisburywas SansburyfiR
was fiR heartily applauded applaudedMr
Mr Choates touches of satire in hi hiearlier his blsearner hisearlier
earlier speeches were not always under understood understood understood
stood but hs h has now no acquired the art oi oiptayfal of ofplay ofplayful
playful play tal badinage dlnace In which English speak speakers speakers speakera
ers themselves excel excelTHE excelTHE excelTHE
He n Tells TeU Bow He Worked a Blaff 81 BE BEThey sad BBd311ule sadlade
lade a itlake itlakeThey tke tkeThey
They call me the C 0 D tramp because becausits becauseIts becauseits
its always cash h on delivery with rae raethat me methat methat
that is I deliver my tale of misfortune mlsfortunand misfortuneand misfortuneand
and expect the cash to follow Never Nevecrowd Neercrowd Nevercrowd
crowd myself In among gentlemen unless unlcsstrongly unlessstrongly unlessstrongly
strongly urged and never affiliate wit witother with withother withother
other tramps when I can find a stra strastack straw strawst strawstack
stack st ck for myself Consider myself my e1t a goo goodeal good gooddeal gooddeal
deal of an aristocrat and when collared collareby collaredby collaredby
by the police I fall back upon my blu blublood blue blueblood blueblood
blood and dignity Instead of ofmnkln making makingsqueal t tsqueal asqueal
squeal Have been sent to jail a score o otimes ot otUmes oftimes
times for vagrancy but have always alwayemerged alwaysemerged alwaysemerged
emerged with new alms and ambitions ambitionand ambitionsand ambitionsand
and my moral standard as bright as ever everHave everHave averHave
Have now and then filled positions 01 01trust or ortrustthat oftrustthat
trust trustthat that Is the chief of police or sheriff sheriftrusted shentttrusted sherifftrusted
trusted mo to get outside the county line linewithin tineswithin lineswithin
within two hours and I have always don donmy done donemy donemy
my level best to accomplish the feat anc ancprove and andprove andprove
prove the stanchness of my principles principlesA
A county jail or a state house of correc correction correction correctlon ¬
tion Is not always a bad thing thin to take takeproviding takeprovldn takeproviding
providing his honor bon or doesnt make the thevisit theIslt thevisit
visit Islt too long longgives gives a traveling gentle gentleman gentleman entie entieman ¬
man frequent chances at the bathtub and andan nndan andan
an excelsior mattress and the change ol oldiet ot otdiet ofdiet
diet always traces races him up uPi certain cure curefor curetor curefor
for sore feet and after a gentleman has hashad hashad hashad
had the burs and thistles scraped off his hisback hisback hisback
back and got the weeds and straw out oulof outot outof
of his hair he feels more like picking u uthe up upthe upthe
the classic again Officials of a em prison prisondont prisondont prisondont
dont always recognize reco nle an aristocrat at atfirst at atrst atfirst
first rst sight and treat him accordingly but butI butI butI
I have he ve never paid o a second visit to an aninstitution AnInstitution anInstitution
institution of the sort without being beln more raortor moreor moreor
or less gladly Iadly welcomed welcomedI
I was hanging about Philadelphia the theother theother theother
other week and making more or less l s ola of ofa ofa
a success succ ss of my C O D system when 1 1meets 1meets 1meets
meets up with Ith a catosh young man one oneevening oneevenIng oneevening
evening I could Jld tell that he belonged to tothe toth tothe
the th swagger sWi1 ger set while he was yet halt o oblock a ablock ablock
block away He had the look of a young youngman youngman oung oungman
man with a rich papa a loving mother motherand motherand motherand
and a mouth for champagne I stops him himand blmand hintand
and begins my little story which in includes Includes ineludes ¬
cludes thirteen misfortunes and a chunk chunkof cbu chunkof k kor
of Ingratitude as big as a house when whenhe whcnhe whenhe
he cuts In with withStow withStow withStow
Stow it cully cull Where was you cu born bornIn bornIn hornIn
In the lap of luxury luxur says I IHow I IHow IHow
How was you ou brought up upOn upl uplOn upOn
On an allowance of t500 300 a month monthWheres monthWheres monthWheres
Wheres your palace car carSwitched carSwitched carSwItched
Switched off and left behind behindAnd behindAnd behindAnd
And your valet valetDropped valcUDropped valetDropped
Dropped dead of heart disease the oth other other 0ther ¬
er day and Im afraid I cant fill his hisplace hisplace hisplace
place placeLook
Look here her cully he goes on breath breathIng bre breathlug th thInl
lug extra dry champagne all over the theblock theblock theblock
block and taking up a milliondollar atti attitude attitude attitude ¬
tude I think I knows a dilapidated gen gentleman gentleman en entlemnn ¬
tleman when I sees one oneD oneD oneD
D G dilapidated gentleman hits me meto meto meto
to a dot dott says I IAnd IAnd IAnd
And youve got biceps bicepsFeel bicepsFeel bicepsFeel
Feel and see Reaching out for nickels nickelsfor nickelstor nickelsfor
for the last fifteen tlt en years has given ase asethe aethe rnethe
the muscles of a Sandow Best thing in inthe inthe inthe
the world for shoulder exercise exerciseAnd exerciseAnd exerciseAnd
And being a dilapidated gentleman gentlemanyou gettUcmanou gentlemanyou
you ou ought to know how to put up your yourdukes yourdukes yourdukes
dukes dukesI
I put em up and tapped him one two twothree twothrce twothree
three on the chin chinGood chinQodf chinGoodi
Good says he I belongs to an S SS SS SS
S S swagger swagg r swell set set Club down hereand here hereand hereand
and a galoot lth a a lisp emashed my nose nosewith nosewith nosewith
with the gloves half an hour ago I want wantrevenge wantrevenge wantrevenge
revenge If youll knock his eyebrows eyebrowsoff eyebrowsort
off Ill cough up a V I can run you In all allright allright allright
right and I want you to dope him himIts himIts himIts
Its five to dope the chap with the lisp lispsays lispsays lispsays
says I but how much to bluff the whole wholeclub wholeclub wholeclub
club room Into their boots bootsCan bOotsCan bootsCan
Can you do It 1 1I
1 think I can canLord canL canLord
Lord L rd if you only could couldIt If you only onlycould onlycould onlycould
could Theres a dozen husky scrappers scrapperathere scrappersthere scrappersthere
there tonight and If you bluff em its itsfifteen Itsfifteen Itsfifteen
fifteen plunks in your inside pocket pocketHe pocketHe pocketHe
He dodged me into tho club and into a adressingroom adressingroom adressingroom
dressingroom and when I was ready for forthe torthe forthe
the ring rlni he introduced me aa a his cousin cousinSam cousinSam cousinSam
Sam or of Pittsburg I had on a pair of ofn ofeyegasses ofeyeglasses
eyegasses eyeglasses > n end nw3 my nr Vinlw hair was sn O li brushed 41 ttlv nrJ IvS IvSover back backover backover >
over my marble ears and I looked pro profcssorlsh professorlsh professorish
fcssorlsh They picked out the champion championscrapper championscrapper championscrapper
scrapper of the club to wallop me me and andwhen andwhen aim aimwhen
when ha h got into the ring he says saysYouve saysYouve saysYouve
Youve got your flasses glasses on onOI onOt onOr
OI course says saysBut I IBut I IBut
But that aint regular regularIm regularIm regularim
Im nighsighted and always box with withmy withmy withmy
my winkers on You go right ahead and andnever andnever andnever
never mind em eraIll emIll emIll
Ill be hanged if I do says he as he hecrawls hecrawJs becrawls
crawls under the ropes ropesThen ropesThen ropesThen
Then they the got in another chap but ho hohad hohad
had only pulled one glove on when he helooks helooks
looks over at me and sees me sitting sittingcross sittingcross
cross legged and a smile on my face and andlie andhe
lie says saysNot saysNot
Not any for Joe I knows a tidal wave wavewhen wavewhen
when I sees it and I dont hanker after after3ix aftersix
six months in the hospital hospitalThe hosptalThe
The catosh young man who had picked pickedme pickedme
me up offers 120 30 50 0 for anybody to tostand tostand
stand before me for three rounds but the thecrowd thecrowd
crowd shake their heads and wait for forsomething or orsomething
something easy It was the eyeglasses eyeglassesyou eyeglassesyou
you know knowa a regular Ice cold bluff bluffand bluffandthey and i ithey
they swallowed it down and had gooso goosoleslr goosoflezlt
leslr all over em emBeing emBeing
Being as this crowd dont eeem to want wantinything wantanything
anything in particular of my Cousin CousinSam CousinSam
Sam says young catosh after awhile awhileand awhileand
and being my Cousin Sam has three or orfour ortour
four Important engagements on hand I Icvlll Iwill
cvlll withdraw him till some of you think thinkjrou thinkyou
you jrou can box a a bit bitAnd bitAnd
And as I was resuming my apparel he heillps heslips
slips me the 15 l plunks and pats me on the thejack theback
jack and says caysD saysD
D G dilapidated gentleman If I Iwasnt Iwasnt
wasnt my papas favorite son and my mymammas mymammas
mammas Joy Id hitch up with you and andved andwed
wed travel together and have barrels of offun offun
fun As It Is Im stuck here But take takepour takeyour
pour sugar and go forth with my blessing blessingiltched blessinghitched
hitched behind you youON youON
An H Interrupted Proposal and BH Unexpect Unexpected ¬
ed Finale Finaletorn FinaleProm
Prom torn ttf ts Smart S Set SetIts t tIts
Its so good o of y you ° a Miss Idolmlne to toonsent toconsent
consent to sit out this Certainly Ill let letou letyou
you ou pass Jones Dont mention It ItAs it itAs
As I was going to say Miss Idolmlne Idolmlneve IdolmineIve
Ive ve been trying to find a chance to nee neeou seeyou
you ou alone oh for several centuries it iteems Itseems
seems to me because I have something somethingrery somethingvery
very rery particular to tell Ob you want to toet toget
get et down Certainly Jones Cant you youInd youfind
find Ind her herAnd herAnd
And it is awfully good of you Miss Missdolmlne MissIdoimine
dolmlne to miss this dance just for me mend meand
and nd I do appreciate it it and I hope it au auJrs angurs
gurs Jrs See here Jones are you getting gettingaid gettingpaid
paid aid for running up and down down these tbeaetalrs thesestairs
stairs stairsOh talrsOh
Oh Miss Idolmlne is It really only be beluse because
cause luse you are too tlr tired < d to dance this thisIcse thistime
time Icse isnt there any other reason just justhe justthe
the he tiniest little bit of Yes confound confoundou confoundyou
you ou I suppose you do have to get down downgain downagain
again gain Jones JonesWhat JonesWhat
What Ive been longing to say Miss Mlsadolmlne MissIdobnlneMabelis
IdobnlneMabelis dolmlne Mabel 1 that T I love Say Sayones SayJones
Jones ones Ill kill you if Well there get getJso geton
on up if you have to and stay up darn it ito
Jso o Miss Idolmlne IdolmlneMabeiI Mabel I must Ry asyall
all II now I cannot stop top You must know knowow knowhow
how ow I love you and when you consented consentedo
to o sit out this dance with me I knew I Iould Icould
could no longer live in this agony of ofloubt ofdoubt
doubt loubt but must learn from your own ownweet ownsweet
sweet llp lips Slide down the banisters if ifrouvc ifyouve
rouvc got to get down Jones you blast blastid blasted
ed id idiot idiotMbel idioti21bel
Mbel oh Mabel my love my darling darlingno darlingno
no I wont hush Look up sweetheart sweetheartnd sweetheartand
and nd let me read In those glorious orbs the theweetezt thesweetest
sweetest holiest confession ever Jones janesf Jonesif
if f ever I get a chance Ill butcher you youton yout youtYou
You ton dont want to go up What do you yourant youwant
rant then Mabel MabelMiss Mis Idolmine Why Whyrhat Whywhatengaged
whatengaged rhat enraged You I 1Ioh I oh blast It Itomebody Itsomebody
somebody keep me from biting holes In Inhe inthe
the he carpet fiut iut I 1erI r I congratulate you youK youboth
both K > tb of you of course courseOllrr courseOlive
Olive OU for Or Vrjas Vrjasnm ErylugFresi
Fresi nm tit the Jftw gw YerJc Ben BenOlive areOlive
Olive oil U superior to lard for frying fryinglace fryingsince
since lace it can bo heated to o a much higher higherernperature highertemperature
temperature without burning than can be beird belard
lard ird or drippings Lard however is bet beter better
ter er than butter In fact butter will burn burnicfore burnbefore
before it has reached the degree of heat heatiecesary heatnecessary
necessary ler cooking food and It ia there thereore therefore
fore ore never used for frying Fat of any anyort anysort
sort ort in hot enough to fry properly when a alue ablue
blue lue smoke rises from it It It may be tm tmd tested
ed d by putting a slice llce of raw potato into it itf itTf
Tf f the faCRui fat YLum reached the proper dejr 4egvsa < o oteat onest
nest teat the potato will w1L brown
Ecomvlllo ought oughttohave to have n fire depart department departmeat ¬
meat At the present time the Only con conveniences convenienees ¬
veniences for fighting the th lurid destroyer destroyerare
are a stcpladder and an old bucket with without without ¬
out a handle Let us not wako up when
it Is too late lateYesterday hateYesterday
Yesterday we wenToffcred wcreftercd J2750 In cash cashfor cashfor
for a city lot which cost us 525 3 in salver advertising salverthing ¬
thing less than a year ago No wonder wondorthe wonderthe
the surrourjdlnff towns are Jealous of our
bcom bcomWe bcomWe
We want wood on onsubscrlption subscription but ns nsour asour
our office stove is only nineteen feet long longwe longwe
we must gently request our toilhardened toilhardenedfarmers tollhardenedfarmers
farmers not to bring In any more fuel fuelmeasuring fuelmeasuring
measuring twenty feet in length We are aronot arenot
not a captious editor but we look to the theeternal theeternal
eternal fitness of things thingsWo thingsWe
Wo received a call calla a day or two since sincefrcm sincefrcm
frcm Mr Sam Norton who lost a dollar dollaron dollaron
on Main street str6et a few weeks ego and has hasnot lassnot
not recovered It up to date He may maynever ninynever
never recover It but he has the consola consolation consolation ¬
tion of knowing that the dishonest finder finderwilt hinderwIll
wilt not go to heaven along with the rest restot restof
ot us usIt usIt
It now transpires transpirosthiat that Mr John One Grlsccmba Onecombs
combs yearold baby did not swallow a apair apair
pair of scissors as stated in our last lastIssue lastissue
Issue What It got away with was half a adozen adozen
dozen tacks and a brass thimble but the thedoctor thedoctor
doctor anticipates no malign results resultsBoomvllle resultsBoomvilie
Boomvllle cherubs have healthy appetites appetitesWe ppgtieiWe
We are corry eorr to iy s that we missed the thoitem theitem
item last week about a a cow breaking breakingthrough breakingthrough
through the Looking Glass River bridge bridgeand bridgeand
and breaking her leg but we are In time timeto timeto
to announce that it was her left hind leg legand leganl
and that she Is owned by Farmer Savage SavagaHo SavageHe
Ho thinks he can amputate the lee and andsave andsave
save her life lifeWe lifeWe
We have Information that five new newbuildings newbuildings
buildings will be erected In Boomvillo Boomvillonext Boomviilonext
next year unless another worldwldo worldwldopanic woridwldopanic
panic sets In and without undue exulta exultation oxultation ¬
tion we ask where there Is another town townin townIn
in this county with such prospects ahead aheadof aheadof
of it Come to Bodmvllle if you want to tobe tobe
be in the rush rushThe rushThe
The editor of this thlspaper paper while on his hisway hisway
way to the postolllco the other day wag wagpicked waspicked
picked oft his feet and thrust head first firstInto firstinto
Into an empty barrel In front of Strongs Strongsgrocery Strongsgrocery
grocery The thruster was Abner Green Greenwho Greenwho
who had been drinking and was In a ajokeful ajokeful
jokeful mood We trust it may not hap happen happen ¬
pen again The position was undignified undignifiedAmong undignilledAmong
Among those who remembered the thostruggling thestruggling
struggling but undaunted editor last lastweek lastweek
week was Mrs Jason Williams She Shobrought Shebrought
brought us In a pound of butter and a aseen abasket
basket of potatoes and could she have haveseen
seen the tears in cur wifes eyes as we wecarried wecarried
carried the luxuries home she would have havefelt havefelt
felt amply rewarded We love ove to be an aneditor aneditor
editor and we love our subscribers subscribersBoomvillo subscribersEoornviile
Boomvillo needs a awaterworka waterworks system systembut systembut
but as one would cost st 35000 and she has hasonly hasonly
only WSO 180 in the village treasury at pres present present ¬
ent wa shall not press the th point All Allthings Allthings
things come to hlmwho him who waits waitsIt wtitsIt
It gives us satisfaction to announce announcethat announcethat
that It has already been decided by the theleading theleading
leading citizens of Booravllle to celebrate celebratethe celebratethe
the glorious Fourth of 1901 in a fitting fittingthe fittingmanner
We have been gelected to read readtime
the Declaration of Independence and have haveboom havebegun
wiU wiUboom
begun practicing on it Boomvliie
boom with the true spirit of 1776 1776GETTING 1T6GETTING
I i
Operators SCorr of ofHI ofills
A Former Telegraph
HI ills CourtshiP In Chicago fhlcnsoFrera ChicagoPram
Pram the NOW York Ban BanI 5pmI
I found my wife In an odd way said saidan saIdan
extelegraph operator who is now a aprominent aprominent
an railroad railroadIt railroadlilt
prominent officer of a Western
In the railroad bust business bustness ¬
lilt It was my third year
tick lan language ianguage ¬
ness but I had not forgotten the
guage and I hal ha a room in a hotel In Chi Chicago Ciiicago ¬
cago which had a party wall with withboardinghOUse a aboardinghouse
boardinghouse adjoining In this board boardinghouse boardlughouse ¬
girl who whowas whowas
inghouse lived a mighty pretty
commercial college in the thonext thenext
was attending a
next block where there was wa also a course couraeof courseat
of telegraphy taught and I guessed by byseeing byseeing
seeing th the books and papers she carried carriedthat carriedthat
You see seeinterested seeI
that she was taking that course
I was watching her rather closely ton I Iwas
was interested from the first time I ever everaw eversaw
saw aw her on the street streetShe streetShe
and of ofourse ofcourse
In town
She was a stronger
course there wasnt aipr amy chance for my mylng mybeing
being lng introduced to her and as for illrt illrtng tiirting
ing ng she showed no more signs of It than thani
a i sister of charity would though I gave gaveicr gaveher
her icr every opportunity I found out by a aarefiil acarefOl
arefiil study of windows that her room roomn roomin
in n the boardinghouse was next to mine In Inhe inthe
made me feel feelvorseso feelworseSO
the he hotel and that only
vorseso near and ret so far you tmdcr tmdcritand mndcrstand
stand I knew she would not be In the theichool theschool
months ana anais andas
school much more than three
as is half that time had gone by and I still stilllad stillhad
had lad made no progress I be began an to grow growlesperate growdesperate
desperate for I couldnt bear the thought thoughtif
of if losing her You know a romance like likehat likethat
on a aellow a afellow
deal more impression
that hat makes a
fellow than the real thing thingOne thingOne
One Sunday afternoon I wes In my myoom myroom
room oom and she was In hers and I could couldtear couldhear
hear tear bar driving a nail In the wall and a arreat agreat
great thought came to me suddenly The Thotext Thenext
text minute I had caught up one of my myhoes myshoes
hoes and was pounding its heel on my myroll mywall
roll but I wasnt driving nails Not Notnuch Notinuchi
call ahi It Itwrpsnt Itwasnt
nuch I was making a telegraph
wrpsnt anything In particular only an anattention anattention
attention call and after repeat repeating nr ft it till tillnswered tillI
I was about to give up in despair it was wasanswered
answered from none the otn otnas other < side Then I Itelegraphed
telegraphed HOW do you do and that thatwas
was as answered a little bit slow parhaps parhapsut parhapsbut
but ut answered all right and the conversa conversaShTwTnot conversathan
than continued continuedShe
ShTwTnot She was not the most skilled operator operatorhad operatorI
I had ever taken but certainly the most mosche mostinteresting
interesting one and we talked through throughthe
the he wall till supper time That evening I Iiegan Ibegan
began iegan again but she was not at home homend homeand
and nd when I got In at midnight I wisely wiselyorebore wiselyforebore
orebore Bending a popa good night to her herext herNext
Next ext morning I hailed her with good goodsked goodmorning
morning and got an answer and then I Iasked
asked sked her If 1 couldnt meet her after afterreakfast afterbreakfast
breakfast and walk to school with her herut herbut
but ut she would not have It it You see the theras cuewas
was ras shy without a brick wall between us usler usI
I was tiree or four days pleading with my myshoe
shoe heel on that wall before she agreed agreedto
to meet me and by that time I had told toldher
her ler everything and she Just couldnt re reuse retime ¬
use to give give me some kind of a show Aft Aftr Aftor
or r my first walk to school with her I was wasnd wasutterly
utterly gone and though she stayed on onand
and nd was graduated In telegraphy she sheiever shenever
never had a chtncc to practice what oho ohoearned shelearned
earned for before she got a Job I ha hmai hmaimade l lmde
made mde her promise to marry we and give givop giveup
up p telegraphy telegraphyTa
Ta Jlnke linen Fruits Properly ProperlyTom lropcriyStoma
Tom the New York Ewln EvenIng San SanThe SueThe
The first point In making glace fruits U Uo isto
to o have everything In readiness before the therandies thecandies
candies are really put under way wa The Thotook Thecook
took should have an oiled slab ready on onivhlch onwhich
which to place the fruit when it comes comesrom comesfrom
from rom its bath in hot sugar A A candy wire wires wireis
is s another accessory that It is well to tovave tohsve
hsve vave ready although two forks may bo boised beused
used In its place The fruit itself should shoulde shouldbe
be > e prepared and quite dry externally be beore before
fore ore the sirup is madeso that it can be put putn putin
in n when just the right point In cooking has hasicen hasbeen
been icen reached The point is reached when whenhe whenthe
the he sirup has boiled to 249 degrees At the thenoment themoment
moment It reaches that heat the pan con conalning I ItamIng
tamIng It should be removed from the fire fireind fireAnd
And ind placed In another pan containing cold coldirater coldwater
water Grapes may be dipped in after afterhey afterthey
hey have been removed from the bunch bunchave bunchIeave
Ieave > ave a short remnant of stem on each eachrape eachgrape
grape rape and use a pair of pinchers to bold boldhe holdthe
the he grape and take It again from the theirup timesirup
sirup irup Orange to be treated to a coating coatingf coatIngof
of f sugar must be divided Into seotions seotionswith votlen votlenrlth
with rlth the utmost care so that the skin will willlot willnot
not lot su sustain taln even a slight break Several Beveraltours Severalhours
hours tours must elapse before these sections sectionsire setlonaarc
arc ire dry enough to be dipped into the theuzar thesugar
sugar uzar For another thins the state ute of ofhe ofthe
the he atmo atmosphere nhere U important Dry atnio atniobere atniosphere
phere bere l is essential to the successful out outome outcome
come of your venture In glace fruit fruitTrench fruitlrepcb
Trench Xwutnt Xwutnttorn oC1st oC1stYnom
Ynom torn the PltUbws Dlfp DIspatch DIspatchBe Uh UhBe
fresh and provide providegenerous providea
Be sure ure the nuts are
a generous supply You must have Brazil Braziliccana DrazIlpecans
pecans iccana hickory nut nuts and almonds and andlo nd ndalso
also lo some walnut meats Chop them all allut allbut
but > ut not fine enough to make them oily oilyitrew oilyStrew
Strew itrew them as thick as posislbls on a thai thaisw shaihow
how sw tin pan that has V lesn en well gr grcued grcuedwith < vised visedrith
with rith sweet butter mix In with the meats meatsome meatssome
some ome candled orange and lemon peel and andalt andhalf
half alt a dozen finely chopped stoned dates datesoll datesBoll
Boll > oll your sirup made of two pounds of ofusar ofsugar
sugar and nd a cup of water until a drop droprill dropwill
will rill harden In cold water Add a tea teapoonful teaspoonful
spoonful ot strained lemon Juice and then then0ur thenpour
pour 0ur over the nuts mark Into squares squaresrhlle squareswhile
while rhlle soft and Ut U w coal i fctf befer tafia takkL U Urora itfrom
from rora the pan

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