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The Columbus commercial. (Columbus, Miss.) 1893-1922, December 08, 1895, Image 4

Image and text provided by Mississippi Department of Archives and History

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn87065028/1895-12-08/ed-1/seq-4/

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8QU1I
i' T?1TFIT SiVhr-'RV!
The Portly S.iss of Rocky Craok
Still Lives.
And Tell (harming Mnrlea fcoM Hark
wooili Life Andy Luru With Ills Head
DnM Ip In Bed l(i-Hw,
rightln Mad" and Crnry for tue
Weed Home Newa rii
Down M l-antlier.
(Copyright, llW.i
Vilh his turkey-red bandana looped
and tucked and I It d and twitted all
aronnd his throat and forred in the reg-
lar nigger fash
ion with hia
bseeches in his
boot legs and a
fair of Texas
spur, on, which
kept up a scan
dlous rattlin
with his stake
-an' ridered shirt
on, glvin fresh
-. w, v on, ri
, 4ol:' Mkewii
of tobacco,
vise also
Some few blood
stains with his left
eye bunged and shut up, and tbe other
bruised and cloudy, come the natural
born bone trader, come tbe onlyest
And; Lucas.
Fresh Iron Ilia firtl Ceearry.
Andy he bad wont on a trip some
whores over in the biH country to see if
bo couldn't lay claims to some stray
heps, nnd In the main time he bad been
"a huvin a little fun with one of the
boy 3." Ou bis roturn back home he rid
by to (five me tbe general facts in the
case before tbe news could leak out in
the settlement.
"Listen to a man wli.it knows the road
and has covered all the ground and
traveled all tbn gaits, llufe," says Andy
as he laid ono fiuger alongside of his
noso. "Don't you nover start off to
tako no long trips ridiu of a blamed old
mule by the name of lteck without good
tobacco and plenty of it in your
breeches. That's what's tho matter
with younf side partner this evenin.
That's bow come my noble forred done
up in a red rag, as it were, and that's
the meanin of these wounds and acars,
these gay and gaudy colors on my gen
tle countenanoe.
"1 had tobacco, two or three plugs of
it, and that which was good, some
wheres around tho place, but in the
general hurry and confusionment of the
trip I had to swap breeches and I went
off without a crumb in my clothes I
thought about it over bere at tbe first
creek, but I didn't want to stop and turn
around and como back and break my
luck. I was beaded (or tbe bill coun
try, where everybody uses the weed,
and I reckoned as how I wouldn't bave
to wait and suffer long. So I rid on,
wantin tobacco so bad till I was splttin
" white right thou. .Some, lb in like a half
mile further on I met up with a pale,
8lckly-lookin, tallow-faced boy drivin
one ox and goia to mill. lie looked to
me like a boy as mought maybe use to
bacco, so I popped tho question to him.
Hut be lowed be didn't use it, and I
says to him, says I: Well, young man,
if you don't uso tobacco you ought to
put a little salt in your dirt.
"So I rid on. A mile or so further
down the road 1 aaw a yaller nigger
pickin cotton clout to tbe road, and
now, thinks I to mysoK, thank tbe Lord
1 will git some tobacco. I went at bim
kind and familious like, and called bim
Bill, and then brought up tbe great and
pro in question of tobacco with bim.
"Yasser, I uses it," aays he "dat it I
uses it whensomever I can get it, but
there ain't narry crumb in my breeches
today, boss. I done tuck and turned
my pockets dis mornin."
"So I poppod the spurs to old Beck
and rid on. Hut by this time, Bute,
blamed if I want weak and sick and
nervlous as a cat I tried chawin aoroe
persimmon bark, but whilst it made me
spit free and spit yaller it wouldn't sor
ter half way do for tobacco. The more
I rid and the further t went tbe worae
I goU"
lint Plien. Plghtln Mad.
"But now presently that sick feelin
kinder wore off, and then I commence
gcttin mad ralo mean, pizen, figbtin
mad. Rufe, did you ever fool mean
enough to hit your own body and rob
your old grandmother? Well, now that
was me to a nat'a heel. When I got
way over thero In Murdor Creek swamp
I couldn't stand it no longer. So I dis
mounted and got down, I did, and cut
nin a good hickory sink and lit into that
old mule Keck. Man sir, I give her the
dad-blamdtst moat alloverest beatin
tbat any one mule ever had to tote out
of tli em woods.
"Hut yet atlll at the samo time tbat
didn't bring in no tobacco, Bufe, and
tobacco wi the roaincst tbing with me
at tbat ti ne. As your friend and fellow-servant,
I (to hope and trust you
never will live long enough to want
anything as bad as I wanted tobacco.
By call inf., 1 was waterln at tbe mouth
and slobberin worse than any ateor calf
roped off from his mammy for tho first
time. But I rid on, and I didn't meet
nobody till I got way over there in tbe
old MaggTS lane. Torectly I aaw a
man coir-in up tbe road rldin of a
mule like me, only ho was ridin in a
walk and me goin in a full gallop. By
this time I reckon I must of been about
three-thirds crazy as well as (oamin
mad. I was cussin old Beck at tbe top
of my voice and plowin np her sides
w ith my spura at every Jump."
He Heard the Cualn Part.
Soon as ever 1 got in hearin distance
of tbe man com in up the road I lit into
cussin him and calliu for tobacco with
every breath. He heard the cussin part,
and by the time 1 rid up to bim, he was
down on the ground, with his mule
bitched and his coat off, ready for a
fight. And nothin else would do him
but s fijht. I then got down to aijlfj
) M
tbe oue with htm, and llama If ha
didn't light onto ma whilst I bad one
foot In tba stirrup. So wa had it right
there in the biff road, op and down and
over and undur (or a few rounds, but ha
bad got in the first lick and ha made it
count. And then, Bute, I was so scan
dloua weak and nervlous till I couldn't
fight much nohow. Tba truth Is mighty
even when it hurts, Uufe, and the naked,
unwashed truth is that the stranger
give me a blame good beatin. I found
a tremondius big pile of difference be
. tween wbippln a blamed old mule name
ippln a blamed old mule name
Beck and licktn a man by the name of
Weaver, which the atrangor give me
tbat as his name.
"When it was all over with be wanted
to kaow what in tbe thunderations waa
tbn matter, and all I could ssy was
tobacco to-bacco to-baoco. Well, air,
nobody would of thought it, but blamed
if he didn't pull out a plug of the bul
list store-bought stuff 1 have flopped a
lip on In many a day, and cut me off a
full square. Inside of three minits I
had come to my senses, and we shook
bands and parted friends.
"But remember what I tell you, Uufe.
Don't you never atart off to take no
long trips on a blamed old mule by the
name of Beck without plenty of tobacco
in jour breechoa,"
ae Newt From Panther Crack
Auntfuancy Nawvon iriv by one day
last week on her return back home frort.
Bunk Weatherford'a. She tarrlod and
remained over long enough to take a
social family smoke with me, and when
she went away she left a big bundle of
newi from down on Panther Creek.
"Tbe folks in our settlement are
mostly God-fearin people, Rufus,"says
the dear delightful old soul between
the puffs of blue smoke from her pipe,
"and they are multiplyln and replen-
ishln the earth accord in. Bight along
in durin of the last three weeks thirteen
new babies have come into our midst to
face the trials and troubles and trlbu
lations of this vain and (lectin world, as
It were. Mines Strickland Dunk's wife
she was tbe first one to show down,
and as you and Blev and Andy would
say, she belt a pair of jacks, which Is to
say, two boys, Isext come John An
drew Newton's wife Sallie Stringer as
she use to be and she likewise also
laid down s pair, but they was queens,
you understand, two girls. That's four.
Then Will Tom Pickense's wife Rose
bud Buckalew that use to be and ahe
jest naturally took the rag and pulled
up the bush by comln across with three
at one trip two boys and a girl. That's
seven. Well, then, first one of the
neighbors and then another had log
rolling at their bouse till there was five
mure babies in tbe settlement. And
that's thirteen.
"They are all mighty poor down there,
Bufua, In regards to this world s goods.
But they don't mean no harm by that.
and they walk, upright and blameless
in tho commandments as best they can.
If It want for the children all the good
ness in tbe human race would soon wash
out anyhow, and whilst I alnt in tbat
branch of the business, it makes my old
heart glad to see the earth multiplied
and replenished reglar and frequent.
"What's past helpin should be past
weepln, as the old sayls runs, bat I do
wish in my soul the whole thirteen was
mine and I could live long enough to
see 'em all grown and married and set
tled off in thirteen different homes.
Tho "IIpplet and Most Laekiest."
Old man Shade Walton is now about
the happiest as well ss the ugliest and
most luckiest man to our settlement,
Aunt Nancy went on presently.
"The old man went up to tbe county
fair the other day and when be come
back borne be bad a five dollar bill in gold
hid away in hia sock. Henoeforwards af
ter tbat ho alnt done a blessed thing hu
trapse around tbe settlement thowin
everybody bis new money and tellin
how be got lu Ho never win it and he
didn't find it, but whilst up there seein
of the sights he met up with a man from
somewheres over in Goorgy, which he
was a rank blank stranger to old man
Shade.
"My friend, aays the man from
Georgy soon: as eyer he clapped bis
eyes on Shade Walton, I bave got flvs
dollars In gold which belongs to you,
It was guv to me (orty years ago by
my grandfather, and be told me if 1
ever met up with a man that was ugliei
than me 1 must pass it on down th
line. The money is yours. Here it ii
Tske it and bo happy.
"Well, naturally of course, old ma
Shade he took the money. He couldn
do nothin else convenient And I reckon
bv riebts it belongs to him, cause he la
the sorriest look in man 1 have ever saw,
and bless gracious he Is ugly enough to
wean a mule colt."
When Tbanksgivin comes I will bav
a heap of things to be thankful for,
But I will return particlar thanks to the
good Lord tbat my Aunt rianey rvowtoa
ain t gone nowhere.
RiFi-s Sanii:i:s.
Meteorologlf-ml item,
He Io you know that you remind
me very much of the w eather?
She In what resjiect?
"You are so changeable."
"Is that bo? Do you know that
don't see the least resemblance between
you and the weather?"
"You don't say ao."
"You are certainly not like the
wenther. You know the weather is
bright occasionally you oerer are.
Texaa Sifting. -
She Beeented It.
"How dare you accuse me of being
kleptomaniac?" ahe Bald, indignant
"Why," replied the young man who
waa on hia knees, Ididn t.
"Isn't a kleptomaniac a person who
purloins things for which he has no
possible use?"
"Yes."
"Did yon not Just say that I hs4
stolen your heart? Hence, monster.
j hancc I " Washington Evening Bts
LODGES AND ClIUKCIIES.
Remarks Of a Chicago Divine Dis
cussed by Bam P. Jones.
W hy the Meeret Soetety Is Mora Popular
with tho Men Than tho t'haroa
Need of a Warmer-Hearted
Brotherly Love.
COFTaiOHT. 1W6.
Her. Mr. Mnnss, a Congregational
pastor of Chicago, is reported by one of
the Chicago dailies as having uttered
the following:
"Many men who are antagonistic to
tbe church will not unite with It be
cnu.ie they feel their religious wnnls
better satisfied in the lodge. Who Is at
fault that women constitute 80 per
rent, of the church membership? In
hu-ngo there are 200 churches and 1,200
lodges with an average membership o(
:00 turn. We cannot any women are
ore superstitious than men ami hence
unite with the church. The rabid
social democrat extols the religion of
Christ, though denouncing the church
of to-day. But lay not the blame to
the religion of Jesus Christ. It la
hnrged that the pulpit of to-day
mphaxizea the sovereignity of God anil
liar; absolute know ledge concerning the
world beyond, and loves to denounce
the sins of Cain and other ancients, but
dure not raise its hands against the
ices of to-tlay. Yet w ho dared to face
Tamniuny, but the churches of New
York? Christian charity has assumed
a ofliciul air, and the philanthropy of
the church hue become the distribu-
iou of ulnis. The church must return
lo the apostolic ilnvs in the cure of her
ick nml the providing of her gifts. the
roeiety ninn does not regard itascharity
o lie taken enre of. He has paid Ins
assignments nnd his dues. His visit
ors come not as paid secretaries or as
ofllcial clergymen, but as brethren. Lay
off the authoritative robes.and let heart
touch heart. The democratic spirit
which predominates in the control of
nlTuirs In the lodges is in marked con
trast with the ecclesiastlcism or some
of the churches. All men desire au
thority, and in the lodge every mnncan
exercise his authority, lu tne laige
lien know their widows nnd orphans
will be taken care of. They ha no
assurance of this in the church. Yet it
is in Christian countries that we find
orphan homes and asylums. The ideal
secret societies are manifest or dor
mant in the Christian churches, and to
the external must be added the relation
of the soul to Its God. Let the church
claim her rights and exercise them.
Let her live the life of her Master, and
she will fulfill not only the demnnds of
the lodge, but also lead men to satis
faction of the yearuingsof their hearts.
Without approving or disapproving,
without agreeing ultogether with or
differing altogether from P.ev. Mr.
Munss, there are many suggestions to
a mind w h'fch thinks in lie q juAons
u'oove which I have given from his ser-
mon. in my perigrinaiions over tuis
country I find the lodges in most ((iiar-
ters flourishing, with large oud grow
ing memberships and with constant in
terest spurring them along. lhe
masons, the odd fellows, the Knights
of Pythias, the Shriners, the Order of
Bed Men, and so on and o on, nourish
ulmost everywhere. The interest in
these secret societies seems to be ubid-
ing. It is not an unusual thing to at
tend a masonic fraternity on a Tues
doy night and find 200 men present;
and then attend the average Wednes
day niirht praver-meetiiig ut a church
nd 40 is a full house, tiO is a perfect jam,
and nine-tenths of these arc women and
children.
Does the pastor aforesaid give the
reason for such a state of things? Like
the reverend gentleman from-wloru 1
quote, I belong to several of these se
cret societies myself. Men get very
close to each other In a lodge. Having
touched each other in the lodge they
walk closer to each other on the street.
Their words and signs and grips keep
them close together; and yet it is in a
Christian land that secret societies
flourish most. The light of the Gospel
the truth of the Bible makes it possible
for brotherhood to exist and closest
allinity to work. Do men get closer to
gether within the house of God? Are
they more In touch with each other
next day because they were together in
n church the day before? A church
without its Christ, though it may have
its Bible and its pi-eaeher, is colder
thnn a lodge, nud there is less fraterni
ty than we find in a lodge. t hat breth
ren in the same church look after each
other in sickness and in distress? Do
they care for the widow and oifisns
of ineir brethren in the church n, J't,iey
do Jn the lodges? Have the ffdges
enough of the spirit of Christ to muke
them brotherly and generous V the
widow and orphans? And yet the
church, which ought to embody the
Christ, is charged with neglect to
brother in need and a widow and
nrphan in want. If the clergy and
nfliciuls of the church put the church
nbo-.e Christ nnd make the church big
ger than its Christ, this is the state of
eccbiasticism which drives men to
the secret orders and makes them feel
that at the lodge I meet my brethren
at the church I am a stranger among
strangers,
Do men meet more on a level In a
lodge than they do at the church?
What lodges ever have rented jiewa
and a place set apart forthe SaiJ flrini?
Does a member of the lodge t r feel
flint his clothes are not goonough
In wear to the lodtre. r ' rmson of
poverty he would not be Welcome
among" them? 1 know- it is not seenily
iu this Christian hind for secret orders
to prosper nnd the church drag its
length along from year to year. It
is not seemly that 100 or 200 men should
(ather in the lodges almost any week
night, und not more than a dozen men
will gather at the stated weekly night
prayer-meetings in the church. It is
not seemly that any institution this
side of eternity should care for the
Kick and provide for its poor better
than the Church of God. With all due
consideration for secret orders of ali
kinds the Church of God is broader
and better and truer in all the relations
of life than nil of them put together,
if tbe spirit of Christ is embodied in the
church, if Christ is bigger than the
church. I owe more to the church
than nil institutions combined. 1
would do more for the church than all
other institutions combined. I am
jealous of her name, of her honor, of
her integrity, of her life.
It is well enough to discuss these
things. We cannot turn them aside
with a sneer or scoff. Facts must be
met, and facts must be answered
whether we will or not. If we do not
meet and answer thera they will meet
and answer us. I love the ministry,
and love them as brethren; and yet how
much of the blame, if blame should at
tach, is to be credited to them I will
net Miy if the church has not the
warmth, the sympathy, the brotherly
eelmg fur beyond any secret order
known to men.
This much I know: Men will go and
go again and keep going where hearts
ouch their hearts, and where men will
le their brethren indeed.
Sam P. Jones
LINCOLN AND BOOTH.
The President Died no a Bed Hooth Had
Occupied a few Hours Before.
"1 once cunie within an ace of beini;
hung," wua the statement made the
other day by Mr. Lloyd Moxley, the
Washington city bill poster, to a re
porter.
es, sir; 1 firmly believe that 1
came as near to being hung aa any cou-
Icuined criminal with the d th watch
set upon him. It waa when Lincoln
wua shot by Booth. I had been In
the theatrical business ns a niaiuig 'r,
und in this way became acquainted
with Booth. On tbat eventful evening
I w is standing just outside the presi
dent's box, on the right-hund side of
the door, when Booth came by. lla
stopM-d, and 1 had no suspicion of the
dreudful deed he was about to commit.
He stayed there with luc, tulkiiig and
chatting in a low tone for about 20
minutes, und in that time about hn:f
u dozen persons who knew both of us
cunie by and saw us. I knew every
one who came by so well that they
scarcely looked at me, and in that lay
my safety, for had 1 been recognized
by anyone I would have been arrested
one of the conspirators.
'It w as only after Booth hod fired his
shot that 1 realized w lint might follow.
s soon as 1 could do so unnoticed I
left the thenter and hurried home, ex
pecting to be arrested every moment.
Uow 1 escaped is a mystery to me, even
now, and for weeks I remained at home,
never daring to leave the house for fear
I might meet some one who had seen
me that night, and thus revive my im
pression in his mind. I did not feel
safe until the trial as over and the con
spirators hanged.
Another utrnHffe thingthat happened
the evening of the crime ia one of those
coincidences which hnppen so often
w hen we least exiect them. The Peter
son house, on Tenth street, where Mr.
Lincoln died, was a boarding house for
actors at the time fcf the tragedy, and
have it on reliable authority that
Both had a room in the house during his
stay in the city. About three o clock
in tho afternoon ne came in anu went
direct to his room and Tied to sleep on
the bed. Now here is the strange part.
The verv room that he had was the very
one that Mr. Lincoln was carried toaft
, . , . i i i .. i, ;i.
er tlie snoi, aim me yviy ou uh ,n,...
Booth tried to sleep before the commis
sion of his crime was the bed upon
which his victim died. So far as I
know this has never been made public.
but that it is true I hnve not the slight
est doubt." Washington Post.
TWO LIFELONG
LOVERS.
A Sen ten c
Accidentally
Overheard la
the Mreer.
Tired by n long day's work and feel
ing a ult nine over boihc jimvicia
which had gone counter to my nopes,
I was walking down Broadway one
night last week, on my way home. It
was after ten o'clock and the downtown
streets were almost desvYted.
Aa I turned through 16th street I
nrticed an old lady and an older gentle
man walking slow ly, arm in arm, evi
dently husband and wife. He was ap
parently about "0, ahe perlinpa nve
years younger.
They seemed very fond of each other
There was just the least Inclination of
the heud of each toward the other, onu
they were strolling along so slowly aa
to suggest the thought that their pace
was regulated not so much by the in-
aimitics of age as by the desire and
pleasure of being alone together. They
were talking earnestly
It had rained earlier in the evening
and the sidewalks were still wet, so that
I had nut on my rubbers before leaving
the ofllee. Consequently my approach
was noiseless. Just as 1 overtook and
passed the old people the man turnec
tc his w ife nnd said, as if in answer to
some remark she had made: "But, my
dear, 1 like to think God aent you to
me."
From a lover to his sweetheart or
from a young husband to a young wife
the words might have sounded com
mon pluee. but from a husband of three
.ore and ten to a w ife of 65 they hafl a
weight nnd dignity which made them
sweet to hear and w holesome to recall,
Here w as the w hole story of two lives
told in a sentence. Here was the an
swer to the old question about mar
riage. For them it was surely a divine
success. Here, at least, was proof that
the. writers of f uiry tales and of old time
novels spoke truly when they said that
"they were married and uvea nappy
ever after." X. Y. Herald.
Aa Improvemeut.
Treacher Y'es, my brethren, there ia
only one thing more beautiful, more
Important, than to have faith inhuman
it v, and that is
Wealthy Stock Broker (in a whisper)
To get humanity to have fuith in you.
Truth.
All ttie More Reasoa.
He had met with serious losses In
business, nnd ndded to that his w ife,
whom he adored, was snatched aw ny by
death. He could neither eat nor aleep,
and his friends were alarmed about hia
eondition. One of them said to him:
"You ought to consult a doctor."
"What's the use? Life has lost all
charms for me and 1 want to die, any
how." "You wnnt to die? All the more rea
son for calling: a doctor." Texas Sitt
ings. t Md lo II.
A man who was out walking In the
auburba a day or two ago came across a
chubby, well-fed boy nnd girl riding inn
wagon pulled by a small-sized but
sturdy goat.
"That's a pretty strong animal. Isn't
Itr he said.
"Yes," replied the little girl, "but we
don't mind it." Chicago Tribune.
A Ieuserous Mao.
Mr. Nlmrod 1 am going out hunting
this afternoon, and I'll bet 1 bring
dow n something.
Mrs. Nlmrod But the dog you shot
last time isn't well yet.
"O, I'm not going to have any dog
with me this time."
No dog! For heaven'a sake, Henry,
what do you expect to hoot?" Texas
biftinga.
A Sure Cure.
Mrs. Klatby You can't imagine w hat
time I have to get my cook up in the
morning; it'a positively weuring nic
out.
Mrs. Backlog 1 had the same
rouble, but have entirely overcome it.
Mrs. ilntby (eagerly) How?
Mrs. Backlog By having the baby
aleep in her room. Bay City Chat.
f 'hrvsanthemums.
Chrysanthemums are In It.
And tliey po off with a rush,
tut we're forced to say the finest
Seem to need a comb and brusn.
Lie troll Frea Press.
THE "TEXAS (JK1P" METHOD
The Position from Which the Army Have
Rifle I hat Has Been
Frofenloual Croelty.
"Tim trouble with this tooth," said
the dentist, probing it w ith a long, slen
der instrument, "is that the nerve is
dying."
"It seems to me, doctor, groanea tne
victim, "vou oucht to treat the dying
with a little more respect." Chicago
Iribune.
Foreigners Kowhere.
Foreign Suitor 1 lay at your feet
a coronet and a castle w ith a long rent
roll. I am Bure you cannot do better
thnn to accept.
American Beauty You flatter your
self, sir. One of my suitors in an Amer
ican who sells coal in winter and ice in
summer. X. Y. Weekly.
In Training.
She's training for the ring, but yet
No toughness round her hovers:
The kind of ring she's training fur
Is that part put on by lovers.
N. Y. ltucorder.
HAD BKKN ROASTED IIKf OKIC
(
His Satanic Nibs You appear to be
perfectly comfortable.
Xew Arrival Y'es, tolerably. Y'ou
see, I was a baseball umpire. Judge.
Marked Improvement.
Strawber Dr. Probe has been treat
ing my rheumatism for the past aix
months.
Singerly Are you any better?
Strawber I should say so. When
be came with his bill yesterday, 1 was
uble to run like a deer. Harper's
Bazar.
Couldn't Be Done.
"I have decided to w ithdraw from the
race," said the politician decidedly.
"Y'ou can't do it," returned the voter
promptly.
"Why not?"
"You were never in it." Cnicago
Eevning Post.
Caee of Oye.
She (reproachfully) You said you
would die for me.
He (stiffly) I was referring to my
whiskers, madam. Detroit Free Press,
" A . W': - t-sb.
7
Got There at I .ant.
He fafll fn selling- groceries he eoulffnt
run a farm;
The wi y he ran the college filled tha schol
ars with alarm:
The law was not his business-iraan't
built uKn that plan:
If he didn't han the Jury, he was sure U
nana the man'!
But now he's making money he to aweas
InK throuKh the suites
And capturing the dollars in financial, btg
debates !
Atlanta Constitution.
;R ATITI'DK.
Onee Dr. Quack, out for a taunt.
Was thanked, at Its conclusion.
By tall Solemnity, attired
In opulent profusion.
" Who are you, sir? 1 know you not."
Replied this phlltor-maker:
" Permit me, then" he gave htacardt
Twas 1'lunt, the unJiirtaker.
Ltpplncott s Musaalne.
At the Temperance Meeting.
The Worker I am shocked to see you
in such a condition. Why, you are the
mun who came in here a few nights ago
and signed u pledge not to drink for a
year.
The Alleged Backslider If rat's so,
ni' f ren', you mua' hnve taken advantage
of me sometime when I was under th'
influence of liquor! Bay City Chat.
r: I if. L
"e -r
Uf NKIinu ain Aititu m-
Been Testing the New Krag-Jorgeusos
rounu ueieaive.
Very Mnch Changed. Indeed.
"Has marrluge changed McManui
any?"
"Cbnnged? I should say sol"
"In what way?"
"You know how he used to tnke Miss
Bluet to the theater nnd back In
carriage? Well, last night, I saw thew
wulking home in the ruin." Chicago
Kucord.
A Ilappr Thought.
Herr X. (to a beggar in the street)
I'll give you five cents if you'll lend me
for half an hour your board with the in
scription "I am deaf and dumb."
Deaf Mute All right. What do you
want it for?
Herr X. 1 am going to the barber's
over the way to get a shave. Feiera.
bend.
Where Men Sail.
A woman takes a small valise, and in tt
very neatly stores
A half a dosen dresses, wraps and sundry
trlttes, scores on scores.
But give a man a trunk to pack, and one
thin suit, a pair of hose.
A shirt, a collar and some cuffs will tilt It up
too full to close.
-U A. W. Bulletin.
Realistic.
Assistant I think we could use that
play. There is a horse race on tbe
btuge lu the last act.
Manager That isn't new.
Assistant No, but the playwright
suggests that we change the winning
horse every night and st 11 pools on the
result. London Answers.
Old vs. New. '
What sort of a woman my wife may be
I haven't expressed an opinion yet.
Tbat Is, in her hearing for fear that she
In a slate of mind at my phrase might get.
bhe's nut a New Woman It's safe to lay,
r'or to term her that I would better furs
Than if, on some Ill-starred, fatal day,
, To call her an old oue 1 should dare.
Hay City that.
flit Natural Inference.
"I'm taking lessons on the violin from
Prof. Scrape."
"Is he a good master?'.'
"I should say so; last night I heard
him piny four tunes ou one string."
"lteally. Well, you ought to be able
to play one tune on four strings!" Chi
cago liecord.
In Good Shape.
"Yes, sir," said the promoter, "the
railroad 1b assured. The company has
been formed, the stock subscribed and
the receiver apiiointed. Oh, we are
hustlers." Detroit Tribune.
Met the Enemy and Won.
"That new trunk of youra came
through all right. It must be very
strong."
"Yes. The baggageman is wearing
his arm in a sling." Detroit Free I' res.
A Durable Variety.
Cokcley "You can't eat-) our cake
and have it, you know.
Crokeley Evidently you never ate
any of my wife's cake. Brooklyn Life,
M 'ii " I . a i" nr 1

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