A LITTLE NONSENSE.
A Critic alienee. -
A bishop who ua naveling in a
nining country, and encountered an
old Irishman turning a windlass w hich
hauled up ore out of a shaft. It was
bis work to do this all day long. His
hat was off, and the sun poured down
on his unprotected head.
"Don't you know the sun will injure
your brain if you expose it in that man
ner ?" said the good man.
The Irishman wiped the sweat from
his forehead and looked at the clergy
"Do ve think I'd be doing this all
day if I had any brains?" he said, and
then cave the handle another turn
The Feminine War.
"I left the planning of our
house entirely to my wife."
'"How did she go about it?"
"She had the architect mak pro
vision for the necessary closets first
I see. Ami then merely cut up
what was left into rooms."
"That's what she intended to do
but there wasn't anything left. When
the had laid out the closets the en
tire buildinr space was cone." Chi
The Iteporter Scorn,
Senator Treacle Did you tell that
reporter I had nothing to say?
Servant Yes, sir.
Senator Treacle I suppose he wa
very much disappointed.
Servant I hardly know, sir. lie
said he was aware of the fact that you
never said anything, but was under
the impression that you never missed
an opportunity to talk. Chicago
Mrs. Dings Mrs. Nexdoor told me
you once wanted to marry that Miss
Upton. She wouldn't have you, I pre
Mr. Dings Did Mrs. Nexdoor say
Miss Upton refused me?
Mrs. Dings No, she merely re
marked that Miss Upton had always
been a very sensible girl. N. Y,
ne Pars the Mills.
I've heard that women purchase naught
When they go out to shop
Th.it all they do is price the goods
Where'er they chance to stop.
The rule may be that women scorn
To purchase tucks and frill.
But my wife isn't built that way;
I know I pay the bills.
Ohio State Journal.
'Lady of the Blouse This little bit cf
ice won't last an hour. Why don't you
give me a large piece these hot days?
The Iceman What for? It would
only melt. Chicago Journal.
She Was Hls'n.
lie started with: "O Dora, please "
She did not stop to listen.
He meant to flop down on his knees.
But she hopped up on his'n.
Clever Little Boy.
"Mamma, I know the gentleman's
name that called to see Aunt Ellie
last night and nobody told me,
"Well, then, what is it, Bobbie?"
"Why, George Dont! I heard her
say: 'George Dont in the parlor four
or five times running. That's what his
name is!" Tit-Bits.
An Arbitrary Rale,
Mr. Nupop Why isn't little Itobert
out with his nurse? Perhaps the
nurse I sent you from the employment
agency didn't come.
Mrs. Nupop Ob! yes, she came, but
-she didn't suit at all. She had nothing
but blue dresses to wear, and you
know blue is only for girl babies;
pink's for boys. Philadelphia Press.
Sparinsr Ilia Feeling.
Ilettie Now that you have broken
your engagement with Fred, shall you
return to him the diamond ring he
gave you? -
Minna Certainly not, Ilettie; it
would be cruel to give him a thing
that would be a constant reminder of
the happiness he had missed. Boston
Another Friendship Broken.
"Yes," said the engaged girl, "Dick
i very methodical. He gives me &
kiss when heomes and two when he
"That's always been his way," re
turned her dearest friend. "I've heard
lots of girls- comment on it."
Thus it happens that they cease to
peak to each other. Tit-Bits.
A Fleeting: Glance.
Maud Diu you notice who that lady
was who got out of the train and stared
so hard at us?
Mabel Do you mean the one with
the open coat with silk facings, red
bolero, blue trimmed hat, gray gloves,
striped flounce with diamond stiteb
ings, with an umbrelLa and a red
backed book and a mole on her left
cheek, and frightfully ugly?
Maud Yes, that's the one.
Mabel No: I hardly caught
glimpse of her. Chicago American.
The Good Old Kind.
Th wireless mouse-trap fellow's plan
We herewith beg to question.
But know the mouseless mouse-trap ia
A practical suggestion.
N. Y. Times.
Maker "Here Is a cynic who say
that poetry is a disease." Baker
"That may be true in tome easels, but
in yours it is merely an hallucination
Daughter "The man I marry must
be a brave man." Father "He will
be if he marries you while your mother
Is living." N. Y. Press.
"Do you know of a- good tonic for
nervous persons, Sirupkins." "No;
what I want to find is a good tonic for
people who have to live with them.
Hoax "I suppose it's pretty hard to
write a really trustworthy history of
politics." Joax "Yes; the principal
dates in it are bound to conflict. How
do you mean? What dates? Candi
dates." Philadelphia Eecord.
Careless Girl "Such carelessness is
little short of criminal," thundered Dr.
Price-Price, angrily. "Oh, doctor,"
sobbed Mrs. Sassiety-Lieder's nurse
girl, "do you blame me for the baby's
illness?" "Most assuredly. You should
know better than to leave it alone in
the care of its mother, even for a mo
ment." Philadelphia Press.
"That fellow up there," said the talk
ative passenger to the stranger be
side him, "is the worst cynic you ever
saw; always pointing the finger of
scorn at other people's work." "That
so? I wish he'd do that at my work."
"You do?" "Yes. I make circular
saws." London Answers.
Frightful Thought. "Suppose"
"Well?" "It's terrible to think of, but
just suppose" "Well?" "Suppose
the historical characters who have re
cently figured in the historical novels
had really been the many diiferent
kinds of persons that each one has
been made to appear, and had really
done all the contradictory things
that " "For heaven's sake quit! Don't
lead us to further horrors." Chicago
PauLiliaxi Festival at Rome
A. Twentieth Centtury Picture of Caesarean Splendor.
HE Palilian festival, which 13 observed annually at Etrroe with itn
posing ceremonies, cqmmemorates- the founding of the eternal city.
It derives its name from the old Latin divinity. Pales. Originally
the festival was of a purely bucolic character; shepherds and cattle jumped
over a straw, fire for purposes of purification, and cakes and milk were
offered as a sacrifice to the goddess. Nowadays more elaborate customs
prevail, the name being the only feature that has been retained. This
year's festival, which was observed on the 4th of May, exceeded in sump
tuousness anything that 'has been seen of recent years. On the heights
of the Urbs quadrata was inaugurated a historical procession which took
astonished sightseers from abroad back to the days of imperial Eome.
The procession was led by Numidian horsemen, mounted pretorians and
bodyguards on foot. They were followed by mimes, dancers and acrobats,
a group of Dacians clothed in wild animal skins and the cohorts of legion
aries. Gladiators in white, red and blue tunics were grouped in pic
turesque tableaux. A palanquin, carried by four Moorish slaves, housed
Signora Mililotti, the famous Italian artist. It was followed by gay groups
of patricians and their ladies in elaborate Roman and Grecian gowns with
gold and jeweled trimmings, and dainty dandies, accompanied by slaves
and beautiful pages. Pompous freedmen filled the space between the first
TO PREVENT WRINKLES.
IaUk Mrle--Rre I the 14-
lee mt U Jih'-
The artistic JjMtt i. an e !ed
an importaat -r-iie:3S rd vVf
wricklr crvw f ct t y rr - it . -bric-a-brac
to tie tt ' . -v: ,
tha? New Yt-rk ;a.
Bric-a-brac U rep-T.-i: i-.-r tr. -re
wrinkle acd rv' ci tira 1 e
The w I'tEjn t re ' iy a r '. - t
retain her .-. d !-k t. a rTa t ' i
age will take a Ie.-a fr :v t! e
ana art :
.C Jt jJ r---r w
- e r 1' r
anj erca p t. win: ;.
The Jjicee c-'IVc- r t j "cnire
keep all her jre3ure t.'ri
tin what i- rulVl a sr-v-c.'.v b. ! rr ;, tr-
h.ue, acd her icture are ! r '.i
cp one at a tiire if arv vll!.r i f' re-
ent or e-ect.'.
ture is brUi!.t
yon er:j x the l a a
t ,: a" a ; " '
n ar. vj
ture b v
e r. " t tr.'i t r '
of the a!rnr.,r rt!
!e ecr t
GROUP OF PATRICIAN LADIES IN PALILIAN PROCESSION.
Way as Well as in the
We prals the girl that's tailor-made.
For figure most divine.
But when It comes to marrying.
The -ready maid Is mine.
A Household Hint.
"'I shall never permit myself to be
come a household drudge," said the
young woman. "I shall endeavor to
improve my mind."
"'That is- a good idea," answered
Miss Cayenne; "but don't let your lit
erary pursuits monopolize you. Re-
and a second, still more elegant, palanquin in which reclined a nob!
matron, accompanied by a page who wielded a magnificent peacock fan.
Two steers with gilded horns drew the carriage of the imperial family,
which was preceded by a detachment of slaves and a troop of Gallic
WAR AND THE BIRTH RATE, guardsmen. Then followed the emperor, clad in consular robes, reclining
in a carriage drawn by Ethiopian slaves. Next came more pretorians
National Strife Has 'its Effect in Tali and the ePhebes, who were to take part in the festival games, children
wim wreatns ana nower Dasuets, snepneras ana peasants, ana nnauy tne
young steer and sheep set apart for the sacrifice, priests and their at
tendants, vestals in white robes and the lictors, bearing the axe and
fasces, the insignia of their office. A motley crowd brought up the rear.
After marching twice around the stadium the procession approached the
center, where an altar had been erected. The imperial family ani the
senators were then seated in a semi-circle upon curules. chairs of state.
the children scattered their flowers among the patricians, and the high
priest with the Yestalis Maxima approached the steps of the altar and
lighted the fire, amid the applause of the gaping multitude. A chorus
of 300 voices accompanied the sacrificial ceremony with the song of
Horatian Carmen Saeculare, which had been set to music by Maestro
Cellini especially for this occasion.
From an artistic as well as spectacular point of view the Paliliaa
festival of 1902 was not only a perfect success, but a lesson as well. It
demonstrated that nowhere outside of Italy and Greece can classic spec
tacles of antiquity be reproduced in a satisfactory manner. Englishmen.
Germans and Americans have tried it, but always without success. Ther
spent more money on their productions than the Romans, but gold could
not supply the mercurial temperament and ancestral pride which ar
essential to the effective representation of historical scenes.
War not only influences the mortali
ty of the army in the field, but has a
maleficent effect on the birth rate and
death rate of the country which ia
fighting. A low birth rate may be
explained, to some extent, by the fact
that when a nation is at war htg peo
ple at home are less prosperous, and
consequently marriages are not so
frequent, says the Medical Record.
The increase of the death rate oc
curs, probably, for the reason that
She What are you thinking about!
She Isn't that rather egotistical? food is scarcer, and also because at a
time when a country is engaged in a
disastrous war, the .minds of its in
habitants are adversely affected.
Those who are in delicate health, or
who are attacked with sickness, suc
cumb much more readily when the
spirits are low than when in a norma
condition. It is, indeed, the reaction
of the mind upon the body.
The returns of the registrar general
of Great Britain of births, marriages
and deaths for the year 1900 demon
strate the potency of the influence oi
war upon the birth and death rate.
The births in 1890 numbered 927,062,
The War Dogs of Germany
They Are Taught to Carry Messages and Ammunition.
member there are times when currant or a rate of 28.7 per 1,000, this being
jelly appeals to a man a great deal the lowest on record and 1.8 per cent
more than current fiction." W ashing- under the mean rate of the past dec
ton fatar. ade. The illegitimate birth rate was
also the lowest on record.
There were 5S7.S30 deaths, or 18.2
per 1,000, as against 17, 17.4 and 17.5
in the previous three years. The num
ber of deaths directly due to alcohol
ism was 3,683, while the death rate
Following the final Course.
"Did you call on her father?"
"Yes. He treated me well, too. I
asked him for Maud, and he said it
would be just as Maud wished. I
thanked him, and then he said it was
always customary for Maud's suitors
to take him out to dinner. And he
somewhat unpleasantly added that a
dinner was about all there was in it
for him." Cleveland Tlain Dealer.
Sore of Hi 111.
Tess If you really love him, why
did you refuse him?
Jess Goodness! You don't suppose ia the army abroad was 36.1 per 1,000,
I'd be so unmaidenly as to accept him as compared with an average of 14.5
tne nrst time jn tjie past five years, and the death
Tes, But he declares he'll never rattf at home was8.2, as compared with
propose to anotner gin as long as ne an average of 4.3 in the previous five
HE natural instincts of the dog, his docility, watchfulness, endur
ance and reliability, have induced the German war office to use kira
for military purposes. The raising and training of the so-called
war dogs has been entrusted to the sharpshooter branch of the service.
with a commissioned officer in charge. It is his duty to train the dogs
especially for picket duty. The prime essential in the canine educational
scheme is to develop the faculty of watchfulness so that the pupil will
give warning of the approach of a stranger by a subdued growl, instead o!
a loud and dangerous bark. Next, the dog must learn to carry messages
from one point to another with absolute precision. Reports entrusted
to him by advance pickets he must carry to headquarters without los of
time. As soon as he has delivered the message he must return to the
place from which he was dispatched. The picture shows how the canine
. messenger carries his papers in a small leather bag attached to tha
onucitiira n Tntrhoer i i ti riiinrfi I n ri t T I o
, . , . ; ... ., . .. Biiouiu ue auie 10 carry ammunition u luc suaiijsauuuu- ucidiumcins at
culosis claimed 61,302 victims, or a . . . . , , ... . . , - j
ilfloh - '1 i 1.1 1 , t It) .1 nor cunt lio I A t
deaths from all causes. The death
rate of the army w as 27.6 per 1,000, as
compared with 10, 12 and 10.5 in the
preceding years. The mortality rate
ciutv. ar.: at
of tMrir. it
r t : r 1
x eV: f t -!
he N- r-:,--a I'r c
5 rrt. -? rc ? r "
r. as 1
: e re w x r
it 1 worry I h i- r
rere ; tie iurijc
r . -
ts-n. It is. ca!
i'afi-ri. -n a ;Vj'.'
ric? a err.:-:. a a I t'' r. if
t". far. a- t? e l-r:o-a-l-r.wr S
The nirr.twr-, 'TeVe ?"-.-their
won! f !.-r..r irf :
r.'t t p t're f ?
withut '!. 1 1- a t-r--: -e r 1
1 t it '. .
ff what i at-!
Then each wn:Wr snr t .
shoppir." tentjitlca;:v. t- r.-.'
a It f e ph t h he j r '
and never to .! f r-m ! ..t
to see if j.t ,-ir.'t jrt ejt
limit i tuaced T. tire dt?-.. .f
pir- that nn le c . in v.
three hours. t-r tow n w.rrer ar
fr iiiJiUrUri!.. Tie carr,
parcelsi j ab-.'uteT f r-:.; !r
hoppirg in a h. rt skirt n--'e
make a r;
. ! .
T 1 r '
rM"i t t r a
r !r? ikn. i,e
your worry fr hr- ken 1- .r.
In"t s'h t'1' i frra ivr rrjt!"
s I i o r ? c 01c i v. .
D nt eet wi!.:!r excited if V.rl -r
h,is ree'es-ted. ,!'.:?t T : ; - . f ;r.e
hall tah!e: the df,re of f.'.l " r . : r
family cr the r.ti-n i
I r.'t pi! to. r: :ch. o v. ure;f i ,
the r!eri!-i f the h.--;-i-h. id. rt!
n.ar.asrenient .f erv ir?. r t e t re
of ornament. Let the ore a. .
the house l--e the f riecd !,.. f:..,
D .t exh'!-? a'.! rs:r re-efie f r-e
1 over petty ea re. F-m h t-'ue t -re
lose entrt ter kere;f. t er rrr.
Jess Of course. I'm not "another
girl." Philadelphia Press-
He Had Speculated.
Lucas Did youse ever speckalate 1
on Wall street?
Timothy Yes, I uster stand around
Thus it will be seen that war drains
the life blood of the nation. Nothing
is said in the above returns as to the
action war is asserted to have on the
production of sex. On the authority
of German scientists it has been de
clared that the females of a nation at
the stock exchange an' wonder whpra
mv next meal wuz omin f rnm war are aI5t 10 fve oirtn to a mucJi
larger numoer 01 maies man is orai-
narily the case.
Ohio State Journal.
The Old, Old Wish.
We wish It were to-morrow
What time we work away.
And. later, think with sorrow:
"Ah, If 'twere yesterday!"
ALL. HE WASTED.
ShopplBg In Peking-.
The Chinese are '"pecuLiar"
many other things than those set
down by Bret llarte in his immorte.1
chronicle, and among them is the ex
traordinary custom among the mer
chants of Peking. A Japanese corre
spondent has- been recently explain
mg to his businesslike countrymen
tne great waste of time in shopping
in the Chinese capital. Frequently a
1 i i. . . .
wuoie uay is wasiea in trying to nna a
sjmall article of daily use. Thia is
rWMW-xFi.Y tx. 32 ?eTiWTeV- - - 1
for tkuJ &Mi
I - ' - " "-. --."
her tener. he e-
vo;s force, j-:-: a lit!
beir.ir. ar.J a f r .1 . .
further in the pit:.
t pretcature o'-I ce.
Dnt work v! f-o ?u
corn!iti-n to !.
D rdt t bed ?ie 3
rise a? dajit-rnk .1 id i
eirery h-;r takes fr i
ntp 1 r '
SENDING OUT A WAR DOG WITH A MESSAGE.
wounded and disabled soldiers and announce eventual discoveries by short.
Results like these indicated can be obtained only after a prolonged
course of expert training, and then only with pure-blooded animals. The
breeds most in demand are poodles, pointers and Scotch collies. The latter
are preferred, because with marvelous intelligence they combine a hardi
ness which enables them to defy climatic changes.
Germany is not the only country which employs dogs for military
largely due to the fact that trading purposes. I ranee has, for some time, used them in connection with tha
is despised by the higher classes in army hospital corps ana tne army ponce service, in naiy tney are em
ployed ior carrying annn.ing water anu iignt reiresnments to aeiatnea
posts. In the Alpine divisions of Austria they are taught to act as guide
as well as messengers.
The officers of the United States army do not take kindly to the intro
duction of canine auxiliaries, but the w-onderful success which has at-
I.s;?t - rr
certain r-fa'.' -! d ro-t -.-
keef-ir '.: i- : :
pr-Sta'.y ;:. r- t r r-
D--rdt a!wat I e ' ' - -
T- 3 v I r i? ' '" : i ' , , ,
T t!ri'rr!jr..: , v t re , 1 -
ceritart-1 t..-w t ! - .--
D-rdt m-rrv. ". er a 5
bv ford- thei t . r
rie. W..rry ! .-.:d'rd 1 -natior
:tl di-.- ard A .: r . 4 't
is : ti ist i r c 1 1 1 e rtrs-e,
Iont fret r! w. tt re
me it heaish f ;d id rn'-i,
RUrW kff t'ral h.
Soak hIf a -- k.ir- -f
water to eo-r until .ft. I - -i
in cne " r d. of f.i'.
sugar, and p.:r oter it . .
of lii!lug water, stir ir.t.! ' -
tin is all !i-o!e !. t!.-n a 1
cupful cf lda;'krry j.;..-. !
into a large m-i !, n-i -!
When the mitt'sr ' t
en, stir 1 a t
whipped vh.i?e of f .rr
it stand until rim, then
Peking, and the merchants are scat
tered over the city and over a space of
three miles outside the city wall.
In order to purchase a quire of paper
Sternphace Don't you know that I being upstairs, and will be overlooked
you can't Eupport my daughter until unless the customer is aware of that
j-ou go to work and earn a salary? peculiarity. The shopkeeper.is quite
Lawrence Oh, I don't want to sup- I ready to detain a customer in jrrossin
port, ner, 1 only want to marry herl"l m tne lower shop for several hours.
the Jananese had to trn in Tdnp Chn n n-
three miles outside the citv and had ten3ed their enrollment in the continental armies may work a revolution
also to get out of the city to buy beef. and lead to the formation of a military dog-training establishn-ent.
Hours a day were spent in sroinn-from Covers ot flogs are not surprised at tne intelligence displayed by tha
1 -i j rri , : . 1 v.A;. . 1 - a. : , i ,
ShOTJ to shon often several mi1e uermau war uugs. xuty tuuaiuci acui.-j iiicico t liiiiuuui uevei-
apart. In what seems to be the shoo opment of the wisdom of which every dog is possessed in a greater or
very few articles, and they of the
lowest quality, are kept, the goods
SINGLE OFFICERS IN DEMAND.
Chicago Daily News.
Cheering Him Cp.
"I can safely say that no man ever
Etttempted to bribe me. gentlemen."
Voice in the Crowd Don't be down
hearted, old chap; your luck may
change. Tit-Cits. ,
These are the gladdest days of all.
The loveliest of the year;
The cherry season's over, but
The watermelon's here.
Flattering Trathf nines.
Mrs. Fortysuinmers I told Mr.
Beach I was 23, and he said I didn't
Her Loving Husband Well, yen
don't; you haven't looked it for 13
years. Tit Bits. "n
The shops are open from eiht or
nine o'clock in the morning until five
or six in the afternoon, and at night
all are closed except restaurants and
drug stores. Japan, and America.
Helping the lord.
Pension Commissioner Ware, who
was at tie capitol the other day. is inoton star-
They Are Preferred Became of the
Crrrded Condition of I'ncle
Sam's Military Posts.
The overcrowded condition of th
residential quarters of the various
military posts in this country due
to the return of regiments from the
Philippines, is embarrassing the mil
itary authorities, reports the Wash-
The trouble is not so
Disturbed the Peace.
"She disturbed my peace of mind."
Free Press. .
very much interested, as all new of
ficials are, in his correspondence. One
of the letters which he received amused
him greatly. It was from a widow
out in Illinois, and this is what she
much with respect to housing the of
ficers themselves as with the mem
bers of their families. The situation
has reached a point where bachelors
are favored over benedicts in assign
ment to stations with limited living
'Dear Mr. Ware: I am trusting in accommodations where such discrim-
the Ikrd to get my pension, but as I Nation is possible. And it is even as
need the mor:ev, I do hope vou will o-ive serted that where there is no other
a little help yourself. Washington choice between two young candidates
Tml I' S .
Boil 12 e.-.- I r : ...
utes; nhe!I ar.-i th- : tile
season t tat vt's.b. .t'.
per. a little ce'erc s..t't
Mis well with a j .rst d r i" ' - -cream
sauce a '. t'.rit . : t
Form into l-a'd th- s-'..-e .--.
dip in tio:r, th-n irjt U.-s
and roll ia fee I read cr -in
very hot fit. Arnr.-e 1 1 1
bed of tni-hed t.t-
pour tont.-tto w.?ce arn-I
t ' era.. -
the single man in preference to ere
who is married. Even then it U rec
ognized, however, that the bachelor
appointed is not likely to ccr.tir.ue
long in single blessedness. The pow
ers that be admit that their author
ity does not reach to the extent cf
interfering with subsequent affairs
of the heart. It is made plain that
there is no official prejudice against
matrimony but just at the present
the military posts would afTord bet
ter accommodations for more offcers
If it were not for the family attach
ments of some of them. Corgres
provided liberally for the ara:y ia
this respect during the session just
closed, but it will be bust mortfci
V . i T 7 " - ' , i I tiC X
4 1 i ' -" . e - r - - 1 .
izea are reiinv iurue- t
She Kejeeted Him.
Ella Fred is a connrmed bachelor.
Stella Yes, and I assisted sS th
lVat two ej: i'ght at.-i - r .r.r
them one cupful cf taiik zr-.-l '.-L
fiour eooujh t me a batter a t..- W
as f.'r par.cakej. lut i::t. t r. e ...:r
three teapt..af--. cf t akir. r.
Uutter a in--Id nI -;t Lur . f t' e
batter ia the t tiX n.. t'ra a !a-r f
blueberries. Alternate tl.e I s rr ul
til the mold i three-;,j4.rter. i .. -:. i er
iccloselyan-i t-i-il ere t. -'.. r. r 1
a rich wuce. ll-.-.-d H k k -;.-.- .
Peel and on ia Lalf let. -'. ':. v i-e '--e-
ly sLapcd vu
t ; e r. e
i:ub ii :-
tor a commission it ia bes-towed on j confirmation. N. Y. Times.
Cover with frejn ;r cc,
butter-d cru;;-.l-. an i t j.
Latest i:; ::ll:niry.
Th V m4 I r r 1
km l.t4 r.
r , " ; i e
l'T :r-.;- ..
1 -. : t - r
t e , xX t J -1
a r : : t - -
I" - A : e- ! . z '. I e
v - x r I - .-,
tr . t ! 1 . r .
' c r-e '
I' Ts ' a t;
t r - .
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