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WAS A HUGE JOKE
Mr. A. D. Oliver, recently of Mis sissippi penuitentiary, and more re cently of Climax, Ga„ is a very great, but alas, no longer undiscovered hum orist. Mr. Oliver walked into Climax one night not long ago 'without a pen ny in his pocket. The next day he had bought Climax's only bank. After that he had bought a chain of other banks; Industries by the dozen, acres acres of timber lands, automobiles by the score, and diamonds by the hun dreds. He gave away the automibiles almost as fast as he bought them. Likewise the diamonds, put their money into the "generous" Mr. Oliver's enterprises. "Ah, well," he mused one day "I seem to have evreything in sight worth having." Pretty little Rose English, the vil lage belle, tripped across his ken. "Except"—he murmured. "Except" —Soon after he had won the village belle under the noses of a dozen suit ers. That was where Mr. Oliver for got the teachings of the philosophers. There is no humor in love. The vll lage belle's most determined threw himself on the capitalist's traiL "Aha!" he said, "Aha!" "Aha!" he reapeated a bit later, "Viilian I have ye!" Being also in love he had no f/ and Everybody swain He was Climax is a nice little town down in Georgia. It has streets and a post office and a bank, and planters come I there and sit around and talk. Into Climax one night last January a well groomed, portly stranger walked. At least he walked off the train. Mr. Oliver Arrives. army mules that draw the ancient hack of the Hotel Georgia, the St. Regis ot Climax. r sense or humor to weaken him, and he was quite right, he did have Mr. Oliver. You see the joke was that Mr. Oli ver never had had a cent, just an escaped convict with a finan cier's brain. By the simple expedient of leaving lying about a bank book that seemed to record the deposit of some $5,000,000 in a New York bank he had made himself owner of all Climax and half the surrounding coun try. "I like this town," he confided to Jim Beacon who drives the Mr. Oliver next day was up bright and early. He called at the Climax Bank, discoursed at length of the new era that had set in for Climax with his advent, and as he left the presi dent's office carelessly left a bankbook upon the table. The president, fasci nated by the capitalist, ushered him to the door. A mesenger entering the room saw the bankbook. It magically fell open in his hand. Good Lawd," said the messenger, "am there that much money in the world?" A clerk walking in found him gaz ing spell-bound at the little volume. He looked and sank into a trance also. The president, entering found them both staring. He looked and fell into ^.aaixasEsasK WWWWWWWV A > v-SSMtittB The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which lias been in use for over 30 years, has borne the signature of and lias been made under h'* per sonal supervision since its infancy. Allow no one todeaeive you iu this. All Counterfeits, Imitations and " Jiist-r.s-good " are but Experiments that trifle with and endanger the health of Infan ts and Children—Experience against Experiment. What is CASTOR!A a / i Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Props and Soothing Syrups. It Is Pleasant, contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotie substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates tho Food, regulates tho Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. The Children's Panacea—The Mother's Friend. It GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS Bears the Signature of & * The Kind You Hare Always Bought In Use For Over 30 Years. STNCCT. KCWWM CIT». m UMm the same state of coma. What had produced these strange symptoms was a little row of hypnotic figures on the page. These seemed to show that Mr. Oliver had exactly $4,S75,594.37 at a New York bank. A great and awe stricken hush fell upon Climax as soon as the news leaked out, and through this silence Mr. A. D. Oliver ! strode toward his destiny like Napo leon. It was the next day that Mr. Oliver, with many apologies for his careless ness, recovered his bankbook and made proposals to buy the Climax Bank. He was generous about Ills figures. He only stipulated that he should have possession at once. What could one say to a man who had $4, 875,694.37 in New York? Mr. Oliver got the bank. He gave a check for it. Then he went right into his new possession. "Went right into" is a happy phrase. In the same mail that bore the check with which he had bought the bank went anoter, certi fied by the cashier, for an amount a little larger. that, but they didn't know it. That was the first joke on Climax. Distributes Automobiles. Banker Oliver expanded his chest a little more and walked the streets proudly. A new era began for that part of Georgia. With checks from the Climax Bank, Mr. Oliver, bought another bank at Quincy, Fla. With checks from that he bought a lumber company at that town, and bought a few more hanks in nearby cities. Where he couldn't buy banks he or ganized others. Soon he had a whole chain of them—half a dozen banks, each a little mint turning out checks for Banker Oliver. With some of all these little checks, Mr. Oliver started to buy automobiles, "Just bought a new auto," he would say to the daughter of the wife of some influential citizen. you like it?" "Oh, isn't it lovely," they would chorus. "Now, we'll take a ride," would say the fascinating Mr. Oliver. They all would. the end. The depositors paid "How do "Do you like it?" he would ask at "Yes. Well it's yours." And it would he. All this was perfect ly fine and a man who could give away $3,000 autos must be such a rich man, you know. Every time he gave away an auto his credit went up 50 per cent. That was another undis covered joke. Then he would buy diamonds—which he gave away. Wasn't Mr. Oliver just grand? He certainly was. In the intermin of auto and diamond giving. Mr. Oliver organized more companies and bought timber land. Climax began to boom so loudly they could hear it away off on the coast. Mr. Oliver, by this time, owning all of it nearly, sat hack to rest. For all his conquests there was a disquiet in his breast. Spring was in the air, all the little birdies were twittering together, and all the little plants springing up by twos and twos. Even the little lambkins were making eyes at each other, and the planters' wives went by beaming upon their lords. Spring was in the air, and a Georgia spring is a powerfully melt ing season. Therefore, Mr. Oliver felt disquited. ' Everybody has a Lady but Me." he hummed, disconsolately. Across the piazza of the Climax Hotel moved Rose English, village belle and daugh tel of Col. English. Miss Rose was sweet and seventeen. Mr. Oliver, gaz ing at her, felt his yearning grow vaster. Recklessly he gave away a few more automobiles, scattered some diamonds, drew out a bale of checks from his banks, and his emotions somewhat quieted sought converse with Col. English. Miss Rose forgot all her other suitors and blushed as sent that Banker Oliver be lonely no more. All the other suitors slunk back. All did he say? Ah, all but one. He was not of the slinking kind, he'd be dashed; he to see whom Rose had mashed—noble John Douglas. For that was his name. And while Mr. Oliver w r as wedding the village belle, w-hile the shouts of the Climaxians were rending the wel kin and automobiles and diamonds were dropping around regardless, brave John Douglass was making his way Atlantaward, fastening himself like a leech upon the trail of the man who had captured Climax and the lady The Jokers' Nemesis. Th Jokers' Nemesis. coun Many and devious were the turn ings, but the keen nose of the suitor kept to the scent. It took him straight to the Mississippi penitentiary. There he came to the conclusion that the fascinating bankbuyinig, automobile and diamond giving Mr. Oliver was no other than one Charles Harding, alias Leroy C. Harding, alias Charles Oliver, wio had escaped from that in stitution m pentitenee with an unex pired term of eleven years hanging over him for grand larceny and a few minor counts of the sort. He journeyed back to Climax with Sheriff T. O. Jones of Aberdeen ty, Miss. On the way they collected evidence that Oliver had entered Cli max just seven days after he had taped from the penitentiary and that, with a hue and cry all over the South for him, he had adopted the best dis guise in the world to prevent capture. News of the efforts of Mr. Douglass leaked into Climax knight errant, and, with his bride beside him, pulled the lever of his newest and speediest auto and started anywliereward. delegation of planters caught They pulled out of the body machine bale after bale of their os ahead of the Mr. Oliver heard of it, A him. of the raon ey. "Can't you fellows take a joke?" ex raon 1 ey. "Can't you fellows take a joke?" ex postulated Mr. Oliver as he was led to jail, an excited posse with ropes being with difficulty kept from him. Investigation showed that in the Climax bank Mr. Oliver had left actly $0.53. the others. Now Mrs. Oliver Is seeking a di vorce, although it is not for Mr. Oliver it appears has a wife in Atlanta with prior claims. But wasn't Mr .Oliver the joker?_ Washington Post. ex There was even less in necessary, JACKSON MEN ARE SELECTED AS CHIEF OFFICERS. All-Day Session Devoted to Discussion of Matters Peculiarly Affecting Their Interests—Next Meeting to Be Held in Meridian. JACKSON, Miss ., July 19—Twenty, seven jobbers were represented at the organization of the Mississippi Job bers' Association, and the session last ed all day Saturday with just enough recesses to partake of an excellent dinner at the Edwards, provided by the local members, and to see the great military parade in the late afternoon. The plan of the organization is sim ilar to that of the Wholesale Grocers' Association, and the discussions confined to matters peculiarlly affect ing the interests of jobbers, the sion being a business one from start •to finish. Mr. S. J. Taylor, of this city, was selected as president, and Mr. W. D. Hannah, also of this city, treasurer, The office of secretary is to be filled by the board of directors as soon as a meeting of that body is held, and will be an active and salaried one. were ses The hoard of directors is composed of Messrs Vance, of Corinth; Conner At of Hattiesburg: Fulmer and Green of| Jackson; Threefoot, of Meridian; Simpson, of Gulfport and Reeves, of Tueplo. him him in the was It was decided that the next meet ing will be held in Meridian two weeks before the meeting of the Southern Wholesale Grocers' Association. The law firm of Flowers, Fletcher Whitfield was selected as legal counsel for the association, and will have charge of all its legal affairs. If you read the Daily News xou the news up to date. FORDNEY FOILS PRESIDENT, Congressman Diverts Tariff Pressure by Humorous Stories. WASHINGTON, July 19.—A story of how Representative Fordney, a protec tionist from Micigan, avoided low tar iff pressure from the President at his breakfast at the White House the other day is causing much amusement at both ends of the Capitol these days. It was known that the President had invited Mr. Fordney to breakfast to urge him not to oppose the revision advocated by Mr. Payne, and it has at least leaked out what happened there. The Michigan Representative was received cordially by the President and the breakfast began, goes the story, as if it were purely a social affair. Mr. Fordney, was however, on his guard, and he talked the more rapidly on that account. The meal ws well advanced, before the tariff was men \ tioned. "Ah," said the President, suddenly assuming a graver countenance, "Mr. Aldrich tells me—" 'That reminds me," broke in Mr. Fordney, with a reminiscent laught, "of a story up in Michigan." Mr. Fordney has a reputation as a reconteur in the house, and he told his story so that the President shook with laughter. That staved off the un pleasant subject of conversation for a time, though Mr. Fordney continued to watch the President closely. "Aldrich tells me," finally began the President again, "that lumber—" Lumber is Mr. Fordney's pet hunt ing ground j and he had a story ready about a loggnig camp that the Pres ident's remark "reminded him of." He told the story with the same success as the former, and again the conversa tion took another turn. Several times later the same thing happened, and it is said that only just before Mr. Ford ney took hos leave did Mr. Taft finish a sentence to the effect that there seemed to be some difficulty over the cotton schedule. That is the explanation given of how the Protectionist Representative and the Revisionist President parted on such good terms. MURDERS COMPANION AND COMMITS SUICIDE PORT HURON, Mich., July 13.— Louis Rosenberg, a cigarmaker, living at 2585 East 3Sth street, Cleveland. O.. was murdered early this morning on a lonely island n the St. Clair flats just above the Joe Bedore summer resort. A few hours later Fran!: Fl 'bera, of Cleveland, was also dead from a dose ot poison self-adminis tered when he found that arrest was imminent A third Cleveland man, Sam Fris A third Cleveland man, Sam Fris bie, is held at the county jail tonight as an accomplice. He has made a confession. The three men met at Bedore's Hotel, where they had gone for a va cation. Last night they attended a at the hotel and Rosenberg showed a large sum of money. This morning Rosenberg's b^dy was found lying face downward in the rushes on the shore of a lonely little islet. The proprietor of the hotel immedi ately summoned officers from tho city. When they arrived and searched the pockets of the dead man they found that he had been stripped of every cent of his money. The officers returned to the hotel with the body, when they heard a man inside scream: 1 "I've taken dope, help!" With a physician who had accom panied them they rushed to his side, .but he died in a few moments. The man proved to be Frank Elbera. His room was searched, and in a suitcase was found a revolver and some bloody clothes, with nearly $200 in money. Tho officers took into custody his roommate, Sam Frisbie. Frisbie's res idence is at 2702 Library avenue. Cleveland. Frisbie told a sickening story of the cold blooded fashion in which Elbera killed Rosenberg. "I'll get that Jew yet,' he says El bera had frequently remarked during the several days the men had been together at Bedore's. During the dance last night Frisbie declares that Elbera coaxed Rosenberg out of the hall, and over to the island on the plea that he would meet some girls there. ex to the di wife ex in AS the the Frisbie savs he accompanied them, At the head of the island Elbera sud den , y attacked RoBenber g. The cigar maker screamed for help and ran to ward the river. Elbera, according to Frisbie, chased him out into the water, struck him with the revolver, and then forced his head under the surface, where he held him until Rosenberg was drowned. Frisbie declares that his only part in the murder was to assist Elbera in the water and into the rushes where dragging Rosenberg's body ont of the water and Into the rushes where it was found. DID YOU MAKE A PROFITABLE CROP THIS SEASON? We can tell you how and where you can raise bigger and better crops without any cost for Fertilizer on new lands. Railroad and water ship ping facilities. Terms $10 a month. Write for full information. Address Louisiana Meadows Company, 901 903 Maison Blanche Bldg., New Orleans, La. Swish! Slap!! Bang!! You can get rid of the mosqui toes that way but there would be more comfort for you and no buzzing mosquitoes if you used Skeeter Skoot. Owl Drug Store FRONT SEREET 'PHONE 7. Ice Cream Made from Pure Home Dairy Products fBy the HATTIESBURG ICE CREAM CO. 130 East Pine Street. Both Phones 21 Orders for Sunday morning ; delivery must be received Saturday evening. Will not deliver less than half gallon on Sunday. :: ; You have tried all others now use Red Diamond Insect Powder to rid the place of roaches, ants and all other insect pests. 10-!5'25c cans at Yellow Pine Pharmacy Opp. Hotel Hattiesburg Both Phones 132 Hattiesburg Foundry Co. Manufacturers of| Gray Iron and Brass Castings Pattern MaKing a Specialty. Engines, Tank Frames, Pilots and Cabs made on short notice. Satisfaction guaranteed. Give us a trial order for anything needed for your saw mill. Hattiesburg Foundry COMPANY. Cumb. Phone 626.2JHome 324. A. BUZZELL J. P. HACKNEY RAMSEY&C0. Minus Practice limited to Mississippi and Alabama. Paul Fortier AUDITOR ACCOUNTANT Report* Examin ationi Audita S>stems Established. Department Stores Accounting. Reports for Chancery and Bankruptcy Courts pr pared. State, County, Municipal and Public Institutions in general etamined and Certified Reports Fur nished. Banks and Bankers, Foreign and Domestic Corporations exam ined and Audited. Affiliating with the American Audit Company of New York. I am prepared to undertake the auditing oflarge corporations In the moat reasonable time \ CONTRACTS BY THE YEAR SOLICITED. PAUL FORTIER. Address (temporary) 606 Ross Building, Hattiesburg, Miss. WHITWORTH COLLEGE -president Teachers'Association of Mississippi, says: "It affords done in Whit college that has made Prof. T. P. Scott. great pleasure to testify in the very highest terms to the excellent work bei know of worth Female College under its present management, more rapid improvement in quality of work and in material comforts than has this college dur ing the past half dozen years. I attribute this largely to the strict integrity and wise business much management of its president. Dr. I. W. Cooper. The curriculum of the college i higher than that of most of the female colleges in this State, and from all indications I judge the moral tone is high and that every safeguard is that the work is very thorough. I thrown around the young ladies whoattend the college. I heartily commend Whitworth College. worthy of the patronage of the best people of Mississippi under its present administration, and assure you that your daughter will bo in safe hands and will have every opportunity to ob tain a high class college education, if you decide to send her to Whitworth Female College." . Next Session Opens September 9, 1909. For Catalogue address WHITWORTH COLLEGE, Brookhaven, Miss. -2. CENTENARY Female College ;'-r . CLEVELAND, TENN. I. W. NEPASS, A. M„ 0. D„ Pro, ritfsa - ^Twenty-fifth Seanion Opens Sept 15,1909. Faculty of 22, representing tho best American and European training, Course of study carefully planned for girls and thoroughly taught. Four large brick buildings, beautiful grounds, large airy gymnasium, bowling alley, basket ball and tennis courts.. 634 feet of front verandas. Distinguished for high scholarship and.development of Christian womanly character. Ideal climate, and loca tion above all malarial influences. Department of music unsurpassed German director trained under Godowsky and other famous masters. Practice rooms supplied throuxhout with excellent pianos, in charae of a competent practice superintendent. Gentleman for voico teacher. Full courses in Piano, Harmony, History. Voice. 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I have recently installed the latest model of vhe scientific HYDRAULIC COLD TIRt SETTER Can shrink your tires while you wait, thereby saving my custom ers much loss of time of their vehicles an'' at * Ho ter value for your money than anywhere believe It, come and see. ae get bet you don't Wagon epairer. sburg, Mice OTIS SMITH, 23b£S Home Phone 72! *70 E. Pine.