The Hazlehurst signal., November 26, 1885, Image 1

About The Hazlehurst signal. (Hazlehurst, Miss.) 1883-1885

Image provided by: Mississippi Department of Archives and History

                
HAZLEHURST SIGNAL.
BOMB MXN AND BOMB RUIJU , __
V OL. 4.—NO. 42. HA'ZLfiHtJRST. COPIAH COUNTY,JMISS., NOVEMBER 26, 1885. $2.00 A YEAH.
__PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
~ JTl. MEADE,
Attorney nt Iaiw,
_HAZLKHl'KST, MISS.
M. N. Wlt.I.KH, H. C. CONK.
MILLER & CONN.
AttornevN at I *n\v
HAZLKHl'KST, MISS.
JO. PURSER,
Attorney nt I-nw,
liAZumrnsT, mss.
“sTd.* RAMSEY.
Attorney nt I^nw»
%
_HAZt.EH’KST, MISS.
L B. HARRIS, O. X. DODDS.
HARRIS & DODDS,
Attorm^yN nt I jnrw
HAZLEIIUILST, MISS.
DR. JESSE R. JONES, '
Practicing Physician,
W i 7
HAZLEI117R8T, MISa
'dr. G. W. PURNELL."’
Physician ami Surgeon,
1IAZLKHUIIST, MISS,
c. K. OATIS, c. B. OATIS, JH.
OATIS & OATIS,
Vliy sic Ians and Siinreons,
H AXLE HURST, MISS.
DR. S. F. CARR,
liusidnit Dontist,
HAZLEHUKST, MISS.
Offer* bin «n*rvic#« to tin* public ami
KU»rt,nt»H»t Hutmla. ti ui. Olllcovar l*o«t*
i>tNo« ! iii.'.ii. ..
DR. J. H. MAGRUDER,
DE3VTIST,
HAZLEHUKST, MISS.
All work Rum ant.^.l. Oftlct* in Mav*n|.*
Hull LuiMin^'. up Mmr*. en.f m>I«* rn lrn«<l.
G7 dTlOWE;
Justici of Pmci and Notary Publio,
HAZLEHUKST, MISS.
i
Oflfl in front of CBWUNMMi
T.E. HEIWAY,^
MAKES AM) I’.KPADU
Wagons, Busies auil Plows.
Krcru ox hand
STEAM PIPES AND FITTINGS,
THREADS, PIPE,
ASD DDKS AST
FARM AND HACINE BLACKSM1THING.
ar.jr.PEnniar,
Manufacturer aa«l repairer of
Biggies, Wagons and Plows
—ASD—
GENERAL FARM WORK.
Shot* on Front Street, cast mJo of rail*
road.
Work Guaranteed anil Prices Reasonable.
TONY’S HOUSE,
No. 140 Poydras Stwt,
lietwcen St. Charles aud Camp Streeta,
NEW 01kLEANS, LA.
LODGING AT REASONABLE PRICES.
Tost iisuiKit-i. Proprietor.
W. P. HUGHES,
BOOT AM SHOEMAKER,
NEAK OLD POKTOFFICE.
Good Wort and Satisfaction Guaranteed.
1 larIt'lltnrxt, Mix*.
—AT—
JACKSON. BOSS.
Toting meu of eneigy ami tntelligenet
who desire to make their way in the world
by babiW of economy ami tbeir own in*
dustrlou* effort*, will have the best ad
vantages offered them in this institution
for acquiring a thorough busluese educa
tion.
Forty Dollars secures a scholarship for a
complete course in Book-Keeping and l‘en
maaaklp. .
The entire expense to secure a Diploma
need not exceed flOO, Including scholarship,
Hoard, Books, Stationary and Washing.
The second aeasion of this well establish
ed school begins S«pt. l&tb, Jfttd.
Heod fur circular# and ipeuimoas of pm*
isun ship.
ROUPEBISH X WYATT,
Proprietor*.
■ ■I Oh-, .
fc PlRST LOVE-MAKING.
A land there la beyond the tea
. That I hare never aeou.
Hut Johnny aaya he II take roe there
Ami I ahall t* n yuoou
Me It build ter me a palace there.
It* roof will It ot thatch.
And it will have a IHt,t> porch
And everything to match.
And he II give me a garden green.
And he It g.ve nle a crown
Ot how era that love the wood nnd Held
And never grow lu town.
And we ahall be m> happy their,
And nev.r, ww pntt.
And I -hall be the grandest Queen—
The Queen of Johnnj ‘a heart.
Then. Johnny, man your little boot
To aail aetoaa the -cal
Thore'a only room ter King and Qucea*
For Johnny and for i»*.
Amt. Johnny .r*—*k*. I lu net atari*
PT why witiil or tide.
For 1 am ulwa\ a safe, my dear,
If you are by my aide.
—Lucy f Word. (n CnawlTa Jtfugtufna
A CLEVER HUSBAND.
Haney Makos Him Such by Hor
Own Peculiar Mothods.
So you want ter know how I came
ter hev Caleb, when I kln*W ]c\t hcow
ho uacd Nnn<*y. his first wife. Wall,
I'll tell vv a.I about it.
You kuow Dan’l left mo pretty poor
ly oil 1 hed two littlo children, an'
what ter dew I didn’t know. The
uiortgmjp* eras ter ruu root in alioul a
year an' a half arter ho died. I'd sent
the children down to brother Jehu>
ler "o to school. Brother John want
ed me to g.v* them tor him nn ho d
do well by ’em, an’ l was modi
tat in-'on it. oi i'ul loth to dew it Hut
wiiat else could I dew with ’em when
the old farm was took away from mo?
One uav, when tho timo was near
cout, 1 was a hoeiu' the beaus a de of
the fence jinitt’ Caleb's contleld. I tell
ycr. Hanuah. 1 never felt bluer in all
my !>ern days. I'd alters lived an’
worked on n farm, an’ couldn't do no
other kiud of work; so what was to
becomo of me 1 didn't know.
“Purtv good boom’ for ft green
baud.'’ mjz somebody over tho fcucu.
••Yes,” sc/. I. “Pro done enough
of it since 1 was left alone. ‘Practice
makes perfect* we u-od ter write in
our copy-book when wo were cbil’cn,”
on' I couldu't help heaving a sigh.
“Wall, Ktumerlino,** so/ he, “vnu’n j
I jocni to be n the same fix. You need
n man to do - our hoeing and *ich. an’
I nrod a woman to see ter tny house;
an’ if you’re agreed no’ll hitch horses
and work in double harness. I can't
tmd no hired help that'll do as Nancy
did.” fThiuks I to m> self, an’you’ll'
never find another ’twill, either.) “So
what d’ye say, Emmcrl'me?”
“P’raps 1 didn’t think o* nothing for
Ibo ttu\* f* v minutes. It all flashed
over mo in it secont, what an unfurlin'
tnun he'd alien been. Poor Nancy had
ter dew all the home-work an’ a good
deal belonging ter him ter dew, an* bo
■vat stingier than au old miser ten.
1 knew be was a smart man ter
work, wns forehanded and was able to
live in good deal better shape than ho
did. nn’ you know, Hannah, that poor
Dan 1 was just the opposite. He was
a norful clever mao, w as Dan'I, but
kiml o’ sli files* an' easy, an’ it alters
worried utc to licv thing* goin’ so
slack. Scz I to myself, o body can’t
licv everything; there’s allers some
eouts, an’ a poor man’s better’n none,
bo 1 speaks right up, and 1 sezt
“Caleb, we’ve been nabors for many
a year. I know your failiu’s an’ a’pose
you know mine; an’ so. if you say so,
all right; p’raps we might do wins.”
Wall, ter make a long story short, we
agreed to hov the baseness dun right off.
Caleb ha d that It was stylish to go on a
weddin’ tower, now-a-dnys, and, as be
wanted to go down to llangor to see
about selliug his wool, an’ ns Sarah
Jane Curtis (whtfusod to work forbitn)
lived about half-way, an* we could stop
there both ways and not cost us any*
thing, bu thought we’d bettor go. llis
niece. Kebecca Gilman, yer know, 1 ves
there, and wo could make her a visit a^
the same time. Brother John lives
there, tew. yer know, an’ I made up
my mind that I'd jest bring homo the
child en.
An’ so I did; but Caleb he was orful
jot agin it, bnt sed “of course they can
come and make a visit;” an’ 1 let him
think so, ’cause 1 wasn’t quite ready to
have words with him yet.
We staid about a week an’ got home
along in the afternoon all right. Tho
next mornin I woke up purty early,
and I s*'Z to myself: ••Courage, Kramer
line, now or never.” I Hep* still, for
Caleb was still a snorin’, but bimo by
he fetched »n onarthly snort that wak’t
hiuixelf up an’ w’en he see as it was
gettin’ daylight, he nudged uio an’ soz
be;
••Wake up. Emmcrlinc. Emmerllnc;
It’s broad dayW;ht; come, coiue, get
up, we shan't hev any breakfast ter
day.”
i was orful hard to wake, but after a
while I managed ter, an’ while I was a
rubbiu' ray eyes. I soz: •• Got a good
tiro, ain’t ye, Caleb?”
•• Fire!” said he. •• No. I never build
any Area. Nancy allers built the tires."
••Did she?” soz I, cool as a cucum
ber “So did Daniel.”
I turned over and wont to sleep again
—or at least ho thought I did.
Wall, he wiggled, and turned, and
twisted, and he didn't move ter get up
fer about an hour, an’ when the sun
rose and ^one inter the bed-room win
der, he got np and built the Arc. There
wasu’t no kindling* nor a stick of wood,
an* ho had to skirmish round litely aud
some.
Arter the tiro got to crackling in good
slmpo I got up. t didn’t hurry none,
let me tell you. I was iuos* dead lying
abed so long, but sez 1 to myself:
" Kf 1 make tho tires now. I'll prob
ably hov to do it in cold weather, an’ I
won’t do it for any man.”
He was pretty sullen all day, but I
didn't lake notice of him. an’ he got
over it. Tho neat day ho was ter be
gin bayin’, an’ ho bad six men ter help
him I heal tor do all tho work, an'
take care of the milk nud chimi n’, an*
it was no fool of a job. Como time ter
get dinner, an’ there wa-u’t a sliver of
wood cut 1 sent Johnnie (he wus then
about soron years old) out in tho field
to tell Caleb l wanted him.
lie came In, looking savage enough,
nn l wanted to know what It was I
Wanted. Sez 1:
•• 1 want somo wood tor burn.”
“Wall, ’ sez he, "there’s a whole
woodpile out there. Help versolf.”
" An’ not a stick split,” sez I. “You
will hev ter got a bigger stove ter burn
that.”
“Wall, it ain’t such a hard job tor
split it.” sez he. "Nancy used tew,
oftou, when I was bizzy.”
“ Did she.” sez I. "So did Daniel”
He got the wood, nu’ said, as he was
going out, that ho didn't want ter bo
called iu out o’ the mowing lield again
unless 'twas for victuals.
“ All right,” sez 1.
Ihenex uav twax tho same thing,
not a stick split Thinks I: “Old fol
low, you ain't got Naucy hero. I’ll
lain ye a little somethin' that p’raps ye
dou’t know.” So when it was diuucr
time 1 blows the horn, an* in Cotnes all
seven of theso men an’ sets down ter
the table. Sich ’stonlshed lookin’ faces
ax they had as they viewed the grub
There was the bUcut just dough, the
pertaters, an’ meat, nu’ vegetables, an’
everything Was washed clean and put
ou raw. Not a thing was cooked.
< a!cb looked blacke’n as a thunder
cloud.
•• What does this moan?” sez bo.
“It means what it means," hoz 1.
“You said yest’day that you didn’t
want ter be called iu from tho mow in
held again unless it was for victuals, nu’
here they are."
“Nico shape, tew," sez he.
“Well. 1 can't cook’tbout wood,”
«ez I dryly like.
With tha* all >e*on of’em started for
tiro door, au’ they never lott that pile
till it wax ready for the st >ve. I never
was bothered for wood again.
A few weeks after 1 wanted some
money purty bad. I wanted ter send
Johnnie and Nellie back to school, and
1 wax bituud that they should harosomo
clothes tit to wear. I asked Caleb a
number of times to let mo hcv some,
but ho made all kinds of oxcuses. 1
didn't toll hiru what I wanted of it.
mind yo. oue day along comes a
peddler that bought butter’n eggs. I
liad cousiderahlo ou hand that Caleb
was intending to eairv into thereby
wheu he had time. So I sold every
pouud of butter an’ eggs 1 had in tho
houxe. 1 got uigh on to twcuty-tive
dollars for ’em.
When Caleb came homo 1 told him 1
had sold the butter’n and eggs.
••Ileow much did you git?” soz he.
I told h:m.
••Where's the money?” sez ho.
•Tw got it,” sez I.
••Wall,” sez he, •‘Nancy allow give
me all tho money that sho took for her
butter and oggs ”
••Did sho?” sez l “And so did
Dan’l.”
Ho got tired of holding Nancy up
aforo his eyes, for I would ollsot hor
with Dan’l every time, lie found that
1 was powerful sot In my way, au’ ho
thought ho might aa well let mo hcv
tuy own way, an’ so he soz:
“1 don’t menu to be ugly, but I wou’t
be trod on by nobody.”
Whon’he wouldn’t lot me hev what
money I wanted, I’d sell something
every time. 1 sold two tons of hay one
time, when 1 know ho hnd only enough
to winter bis critters. So, on the whole,
he found out that I wasn’t afraid ol
him, and he behaved quite decent 1
told him not long ago that he was
growin’ clever.
“Clever?” sez he. “I rather you’d ■
call mo a dog-goued fule than clover.’
But I notice be bus improved, an’ I
lay it ter his trainin’. — Massachusetts
1‘luughman.
—A gentleman went by train one clay
to aee his favorite daughtor off. Se
curing her a seat, ho ptusod out and
went rouud to her window to say a
parting word. The daughter left tho
seat to speak to a fr cud. and at the
same time a prim old maid took the
seat and moved up to tho window.
Uuaware of the important change in
side, the gentleman hurriedly put h'is
face up to the window aud said: “One
more kiss, sw*et pet!” lu another in
stant the point of a cotton umbrella
was thrust from the window, tollowed
by the passionao ujunot.ou: “Be off,
you gray-headod wretch!”—^. 11
Ledger.
—The ladies were talking about tbeir
old silver and the newer designs, when
Mrs. Oldblossom said: “1 use nothing
upon my table but hammered ware.”
And just then as a crash ef resounding
ciilua came echoing from the kitchen
she added: “And there’s the artist ham
mering some more of it row.*’—bur
tittle, in Brooklyn Angle.
--I
.GEOLOGY*
Prof. William Vjo DiaconrM* Upon tho
tlriietaro of ih* Kirills Crttot.
Geology is that brancn of natural
science which treats of tho stracturo of
tho earth's crust and the modoof forma
tion of its rooks. It is a pleasant nnd
profitable study, and to the man who
htu married rich, and does not need to
work, tho auiusoinunt is indeed a great
boon.
Geologists ascertain the age of the
earth by looking at its tooth and count
ing tile wrinkles on Its horns. They
have lcaruod that the earth is not only
of great age, but that it is' ktill adding
to its ego from year to year.
It is hard to eay very much of a groat
scicnco in so short an artio. A and that
is tho ono great obstnelo which I am
constantly running against as a scient
ist. I ouce prepared a paper on astron
omy entitled "The Chronological His
tory and Habits of tho Spheres." It
was very oxhaustivo and woighed four
ponnds. I sent it to a scientific publi
cation that was supposed to be working
for the advancement of our race. Tho
oditor did not print it, but wroto me a
crisp postal-card, requesting me to
crdl with a dray and remove my stufl
before the Uoc.rd of Health got after iL
la livo short years from that time
ho was a corpse. As I write
thO'O lines I learn, with ill-con
coaled pleasure, that ho is still
a corpse. An awful dispensation
of Providence, in tho shape of
ft largo, wilted cucumber, laid bold upon
his vitals and cursed him with an inward
paiu. lie has sinco bad the opportu
nity, by nctual personal observation, to
hoo whether the statement* made by mo
relative to astronomy wore true. His
last words were: “Friends. Homans and
countrymen, beware of the q-cumber.
will w up.” It was uot original, but
it was good.
Tfc* four groat primary periods of
thr earth’s history aro a-, follows, viz.,
to-wit:
1. The Kozoic or I am of lifo.
2. The Pahcozolo or period of ancient
lifo.
3. Tho Mosozolc or middlo period of
life.
4. The Neozoic or recent period of
life.
These arc all subdivided ngain, and
other words more diilicult to spell arc
introduced iuto science, thus crowding
out tho vulgar herd who can not afl'ord
to uno high-priced terms in constant
conversation.
Old-timer* state that the primitive
condition of tho earth was extremely
damp. With the onward march of
time, and after tho lapse of million* o!
years, men found that they could get
along with lo*s and less water, until at
Inst we see tho present blissful statu of
things. Aside from the use of wator at
our summer resorts, that fluid is get
ting to bo less and less popular. And
oven hore at these resort* it is generally
flavored witli some foreign jub-tunco.
Tho earth’s crust is variously esti
mated in tho mnttor of thickness Some
think it is 2,.'WO miles thick, which
would make it safe to run hoavy trains
across tho earth anywhere on top of u
second mortgage, while other scien
tists say that If wo go down one
tenth of that distance we will reach n
place wlicro tho worm diotli not I do
not wish to express an opinion as to the
actual depth or thickness of tho earth's
crust, but 1 believe it is none too thick
to suit me.
Thickuoss in tho earth's crust is a
mighty good fault. Wo estimate tho
ago of cortain strata of tho earth's for
mation by means of a union of our
knowledgo of plant and animal life,
coupled with our geological research
and a good momory. Tho older scien
tists in the field of goology do not rely
solely upon the tracks of the hydra
saurus or tho cornucopia for their data.
They simply use theso things to refresh
their memory.
I hope at some future time to write a
paper for tho Acadomy of Science on
tho subject of “Deceased Fauna, For
siliferous Debris and Extinct Jokes,"
showing how, when and why those
oarlv forms of animal lifo become ex
tinct.—AT. K Mercury. *
■ ■ - i ^ • m - —
A Candid Visitor.
Gilhooly dropped into the office of
Judge Pennybuukor a few days ago.
After they had talked about local poli
tics, the weather, etc., Judge Penny*
bunker remarked:
••You come to seo mo very frequently,
Gilhooly, but thcro is one thing about
your visits that 1 can’t understand."
“What is that?"
'••Well, it is the fact that you have
never yet invited me to call on you.’’
“That’a easily explained,’' said Gil
hooly, yawning and stretobing himself;
“you seo when I oomo to visit you. if
you mako mo tired with your talk 1
can get up and go, but if you call on me
at my houso and bore me with your
talk, 1 may not bo able to get rid of you
without boing impolite. See?’’—dr
kansaw Traveler.
—“Tobacco smoking," said a trav
eler, “is so oommon in Holland, that it
is almost impossible to distinguish one
person from another in a room full of
smokers." “But supposing you want
to speak to some one present, bow are
you to find him out?" “Ah! in such
cases a waiter is sent round with a pair
of b«iiow#, with which he’ blow# away
•he smoke from the face of every put*
ten until the right one is found." *
HOURS WITH GREAT MKN.
BIU Nr®’« tlneipaotad Masting with Oan*
arml Bharman Hlnoa tha War.
I presume that I could writo an entira
library of personal romlnisconcos rela
tive to the eminont pcoplo with whom I
havu been thrown during a busy life,
but I lmto so to do it, bocauso I always
regarded such things as sacrod from
the vulgar eye, and I felt bound to re
spect tho coniidence of a prominent
man just on much as I would that of one
who was less boforo tho people.
1 remember very well my first meet
ing with General W. T. Sborman. I
would not mention it hero if Uwero not
for tho fact that the pcoplo seem to be
ycaruing for pcraoual reminiscences
of groat men, and that is porfoctly right,
too.
It was sine* the war that 1 mot Gen
eral Sherman, and it was on tho lino of
tho Union Pacific Railway ot one of
thoso justly celebrated eating-houses
which I understand are now abandoned.
The colored waiter had cut olT a strip
of tho omolotto with a pair of shears,
tho scorched oatmeal had been passed
arouud. tho little rubber door mats fried
in butter and called pancakes had been
dealt around the table, and tho cashier
at tho end of tho hall had just gone
through the clothes of a party from Ver
mont. who claimed a rebate on the
ground that tho waitor hud refused to
briug him anything but his bill. There
was no sound in tho dining-room except
the weak request of the coHTco for-more
air and stimulants, or perhaps the cry
of pain when tho buttor, while prac
tising with the dumb Mia, would hit a
child on the head, then all would be
still again.
General Shcrmnn sot at one onu oi
the table, throwiug a lifo preserver to a
fly in tho milk pitcher.
We had never met before. %-vrgh for
years wo had been plodding along life’s
rugged way—he in tho War Depart*
moot, I in tho Post-Oflico Uepavimont
Unknown to each other, wo ua i been
holding up opposite corners of the great
National fabric, if you will allow ine
that expression.
I romembor, as well as though it
were but yesterday, how the conversa
tion began. General Sherman looked
sternly at me and said:
••I wish you would overpower that
butter and send it up this way.”
••All right,” said I, "if you wiU
please pass those molasses.”
That is all that was said, but I shall
never forgot it, and probably ho never
will. The conversation was brief, but
yet how full of food for thought! How
true, bow earnest, how natural! Noth
ing stilted or false about it. It wa*
tho natural expression of two minds
that were too great to bo ivrbo'0 or to
monkey with social, con vocational flap
doodle.
I remomber once, a great while ago,
I was nsked by a friend to go with him
in tho evening to the houso of an ac
quaintance, when? they wero going to
have a kind of muslcalc, at which thero
was to be some noted pianist, who had
kindly consented to play a few strains.
I did not get tho name of the profes
sional, but I went, and when the tint
pieco was announced I saw that tho
light was very uncertain, so I kindly
volunteered to get a lamp from another
room. I hold that big lamp, weighing
about twcuty-nlno pounds, for half an
hour, whilo the pianist would tinky
tinky up on tho right hand, or bang,
boomy to bang bang down on the bass,
whilo ho snorted and slugged that old
concert grand piano and almost
knockod Us teeth down its throat, or
gently dawdled with tho keys liko a
pale moonbeam shimmering through
tho bleachod rafters of a deceased
horse, until at last thoro was a wild
janglo, such as tho accomplished musi
cian gives to an Instrument to show tho
audionco that he baa disabled tho piano,
and will tako a alight Intermission
whilo it is sent to tho junic shop.
With a sigh of relief I carefully put
down the twenty-nino-pound lamp, aud
my friend told me that I bad bccu
Handing thcro like liberty enlightening
the world, and bolding that heavy
lamp for Iillnd Tom.
1 had never seen him before, and I
slipped oat of the room before bo had a
chance to see me.—Bill Nye, in Uoston
Globe.
—"Mr. J. S. Nixon, of this place,
while in attendance at* i’resbytory, at
Newport R. L,” says the Franklin
Repository, "engaged in conversation
with the young Indian whom Presby
tery took under its care. In speaking
of Indian names this yoqng man said:
'Now the river Susquehanna received
its namo in this way. An Indian stand
ing on one side of tbo bank called
across to the other, "Bosque,” which
moans "Are you there!” His friend
replied: "Hanna,” which Interpreted
mean* "I am here.” A white man
standing near heard it and named the
river accordingly.'"
—It is easy to prevent rest within
s bow-cases. It is well known that the
rusting of bright steel goods Is due to
the precipitation of atmospheric moist
ure upon the metaL This may be obvi
ated by keeping tto air surrounding
the goods in a dry condition; and a
sauoer of powdered quicklime placed
in an ordinary show-case will usually
vuffiot* to jfrevont the rusting of the cut
lery exhibited therein, as the lime will
take up the meisture-—thioago Jour
nal.
i
MATRIMONIAL EXPERIENCE.
Tht Happiness of a Loving Conpln Which
Wm Too Grnot to Loci.
BIX MONTHS AFTER XARRIAOE.
“Poaroat Lucy, don’t you want to
grace tho ball this evening with your
lovoly prcseneo? You know wo re*
Oeired a very polite invitation."
“Just os you say, dear William.
Whatever pleases you pleases me. 1
will do whatever you thick (or the
best"
••Well, Lucy, suppose wo go—that is,
If It will offbrd you any pleasure. Don’t
say you want to go just because 1 sug
gested it. You knew I am always hap
py if you are about"
••Just ns you say, dearest. What
dress shall I wear? Shall I wear my
white satiu dress or tny bottle-green
merino with bead trimmings? You
kuow which is tho most becoming to
me."
“Pear Lucy, you aro beautiful in any
dress. Just consult your own tasto, but
I think your wbito satin dress is ver>
becoming."
“That is just the one I was going to
wear. How happy we will bo at tho
ball. You mast promise me, William,
darling, that you will not leave mo even
for a minute. 1 am so sad and lonely
when you arc not about"
“What wouldn’t I do to ploasc you?
I am sometimes afraid that our happi
ness Is too great to last."
“Don’t spoak that way, William. It
makes a cold shiver run over mo. Now
l will go up-stairs and dress."
Lucy disappears.
'There she goo*. W hat an angoll<r
creature *ho is. IIow wretched I
should be if anything happened to her.
My heart tells me 1 will never cense to
love her. What n happy man I am.”
SIX YEAItfl LATKIL
“Why don’t you baud over that
sugar bowl? you never put enough
sugar In my coffee.”
“You just shut your mouth.
Bill Bcasly. I put enough sugar in the
coffno to sweeten a barrel of vinegar.
You, Johnny, if you put your finger in
that dish ngain, I’ll make you wish you
bad never been born, you dirty little
thing. You, Susan, quit that suiilling
IJuit it, 1 say.”
Mrs. Bcasly pounds Susan on the
back.
“1 don't think you ought to beat that
child, but you always were a brute,’’
said Mr. Bcasly.
••Bill Ueasly, I want you to shut your
mouth. You just mind your businc**.
“Pa, Johnny Is tearing your paper.”
“You littlo scoundrel, I’ll teach you
U> tear my paper. Take that.”
Mr. Bcasly cuffs Johnny’* ear.
“O, you bully,” exclaims Mrs. Boas
l}*, refemng to her husband. “Come
here, Johnny, poor boy. Hid he hurt
youP Hero is a lump of sugar for
you.”
"Lucy, you act liko a blamed fool.
You are enough to drive a maa crazy.
You always insist on having your own
way about things.”
“You can have your own way for a
while, for I am going to the skating
rink.”
Mrs. Bcasly takes her leavo.
“Heaven bo praisod. “Now, III
have a quiet time," sighed tho hus
band. “Wbat a wretched thin." it is to
bo tied to that woman. If I was to
live with that woman a thousand
years, I’d never caro tho snap of my
linger for her. What a fool I have been
not to have hunted up a divorce lawyer
long ago.'1— Texas Hijlings.
A Cautious Capitalist.
“Do you put your savings in the
bank every weckP” asked a gentleman
of ono of Jacob Sharp's drivers.
“You mustn't stand on the step,"
replied tho driver.
The gentleman moved up.
“As I was saying," ho went on, “do
you put your—"
“Take your foot off tho dash-board,”
responded the driver; “it’s ag in the
rules."
Tho gentleman took his foot off the
dash-board. . .
“As 1 was about to remark," ho
again continued, “do you deposit
your—"
“ Nor smoko. No smoking allowed
on the front platform."
Tho gentleman stopped smoking.
“1 would like to ask if you doposit
your savings in the bapk every Sat
urday?"
The driver whipped up hie horses in
response to a frantio pantomime on the
part of a feeblo old woman who stood
st the corner with a market-basket on
oithor arm, and then said:
“Naw, sir. no banks fer mo; they
bust i}p too often. I pack the money 1
sare overy week away in barrels and
diy-goods boxes.”—Puck.
Progressive Croquet.
Edith—You were not at Grosvenor'e
last Tuesday. Lillie. So sorry! We
bad a splendid time
Lillio (languidly)-Same old thing,
I suppose?”
“No, indeed. We played progres
sive croquet and-”
•• Progressive croquet? Good gra
cious, what new game is that?"
“Well, it is played precisely tfco
same as the old game, only there is no
fighting permitted.” — Philadelphia
Call.___
—An English paper reports that dur
ing regent explorations at Nlnevah a
petrified umbrella was found in one of
the temples.
FULL OF FUN.
— f
—The chemist is tho readiest of mta.
He always has a retort
—If it wasn’t for tho smell some bat
ter would be hotter fer plastering than
mortar. — Waterloo Observer.
—Tho Appalachian Clnb will soot*
discuss the qtiostion: “Was Chooorua
tho original Pigwackot?” We under
stand that Chocorua will plead “not
guilty.”—Boston tost.
—“What ls a weather report?” asked
a small boy, who wn* reading a paper.
“I don’t know precisely, but I suppose
that thunder U one kind of weather re
port,” responded hU parent.—M Y.
Ledger.
—“Her father is a pirato?” “ Aw,
ya-as.” “Why, what aro you talking
about? Old Pinfeather is no pirate."
"Why—aw—ya-ns. He's a regular
freebooter. That’s the reason that I
left off going to her houso.”
—It is snid that a.bee can pull more
in proportion to its sizo than a horse.
“We don’t know as to that,” says tho
editor of the lluona Vista Democrat,
“but they are quite powerful when they
back up to you and pash.”
—What aro tho thiugs which touch
us most as we look back through tho
ycarsP” asked a female lecturer, im
pressively. There was a moment's aw
ful pauso, and then a small hoy in tho
audience answered: “Our clothes.”—
Durlington Free Dress.
—There is something suggostivo in
tho fact that a bronze statue of Bacchus
has been found lying in the bed of tho
River Tiber. Devotees of Bacchus aro
frequently found lying in the bed of a
river. Mortality statistics Bacchus up
in this statement — Norristown Herald.
—Tho Antiab!o Heifer.—
A fanner once called his cow ‘•Zephyr,’*
bbe seemed such an amiable hephyr.
When tho funner drew near
Bhw kicked oil his ear,
And now tbnt old farmer's much dcphrr.
—Oiy*UtU'» Sun.
—••Well, whst next. I wonder?”
murmured a mock little man who sat
in a barber-shop reading an account of
tho small-pox scare. ••You’re noxt!”
shouted tho barber in such stentorian
tones that the little man jumped from
bis chair and rushed out of tho shop to
get vaccinated.—H. )■ Jounia'.
—••Undo James,” said a city young
lady, who was spending a few day* in
the country, "is that chicken by tho
gato a Brahma?” “No,” replied Unde
James, ‘‘ho’s a Leghorn.” "Why, cor*
taiuly, to bo sure!” said the young Indy.
"How stupid of me! I can see tho horns
on his ankles.”—I!ochesUr Express.
—A young man who bclioves in self*
improvement, having recently married,
suggested to his wife that they should
argue some questions frankly and fully
every morning, in order to learn more
of cnch other. Tbo first question hap
pened to bo "whether u woman could
be expected to get along without n
hat,” he took tho nllirmntlvc, and when
last seen ho had climbed into a hay loft,
and was pulling the ladder aitor him.—
Boston Budget.
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
—Tho latest novolty in purs?* in Paris
is a baby'* boot crocheted in silk
—David Whalen is said to bo the tall
est man in Philadelphia. Ho stands s>x
feet seven and a hall inches in his stock
ing feet.
—There is a law on the statuto book*
of Pennsylvania which requires house
keepers to scrub their pavements every
Friday. It was passed in 1767.
—Texas is progressing wonderfully
fast In 1870 the grand total valuo of
farm products of the State was $4'J,0l)0,
000. Now it has swelled to tho cn
•rmous sum of $81,000,00<i
—Ip New York an analysis has been
made of tbo Chinese tipple, which they
hove been selling among themselves
frcoof excise. It is found to contain,,
thirty-eight por cent of alcohol, and
henceforth the Chinose will bo required
to procuro licences to sell their native
drink.
—During a light among lomo prison
ers in tho corridor of the jail in Roch
ester, N. Y., a colored man named
Mills, who was a sj>ectator of tho com
bat suddenly sank to tho lloor and ex
pired. Ho was a very timid man, of a
nervous temporamont and it was sup
posed that he was literally scared to
death.
—Mayor Hardy, of Lincoln, Neb.,
having offended a powerful eloraont of
the population by bis radical stand on
the temperance question, received a
ghastly warning, a cotlln being left at
hU door. Ho promptly sold the collin
for thirteen dollars and turnod the men*
ey Into the treasury of the local tem*
perance society.—Chicago Tribune.
—John Lordan, a passenger on tha
steamer Colorado, from New York to
Galveston, where bo was going to soe
his brother, became deranged wbou the
vessel was two days out, and leaping
overboard, was drowned. Several of
tho crew tried to catch him so. os to
keep him from taking the fatal leap,
hot he eluded them all
—A few days ago a farmer living
Just north of Clyde, N. Y., obeerved a
hawk dive to the ground and imme
diately rise with something in its daws.
Presently the bird commenoed making
some strange motions, and at last fell
to the ground motionless Upon ex*
amining the hawk it was discovered
that he bell a weasel in his qlaws, and
the weasel had tho hawk by the threat,
ho t!i were dead.—Troy Titnet.