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ONE MAN NOT P'..f A8ED. Orator'* Compliment to Town Called Forth Warm Protest Two interesting stories are told of the late Gen. W. H. L. Barnes, of Cali fornia. One concerns a campaign speech that the general made in Red ding. Being a diplomat as well as an orator, Barnes, who had not been in Redding for a decade or more, sought to say something flattering about tbs town's growth. When he reached tb# filling in stage of his speech, he said: "I want to'congratulate the citizens ft Redding on the wonderful progress of their beautiful city. When I was last here, not many years ago, I had to put up at a ramshackle hotel, with poor accommodations and badly cooked food. What do I find to-day? A mag nificent caravansary tyith a cuisine worthy of a metropolis.' The compli ment won applause, and after the meeting was over many of the audi tors crowded to the platform to shake hands with the speaker. One old fel low, with a pioneer beard, waited pa tiently for his turn. When he reached the general he calmly put his hands behind him, shook his head angrily and blurted out: "All I want to say is that you're a white-headed old falsi fier. I kept that hotel." The other story deals with the spe cial session of the legislature called to fill the vacancy caused by the failure of the solons of 1899 to elect a United States senator. Barnes wanted the honor, but the compromis ers passed him by and picked out Thomas R. Bard, of Ventura. The night of Bards' election Gov. Gage wag roused from his bed by a caller who refused to wait until morning. Gage opened the door and there stood Gen. Barnes. "Governor," said the general solemnly, "you called this session to fill a vacancy. Instead of filling a va cancy you have created one." And then without another word the general stalked away. Parrot's Train Calls. Union Station Train Caller Ben Brown stood in grave danger of losing his job Friday, as a rival suddenly ap peared, and, after listening to Wee Ben call awhile, developed a remarka ble talent along that line, says the St. Louis Star-Chronicle. The rival was a parrot, the proper; ty of S. P. Bowen, of Greencastle, Ind., en route to Los Angeles, Cal. "A-w-1 a-b-oo-re-d fer th' Ro-c-k I'-l-a-n-d, a a n-d al-il p-oi-n-ts we—" be gan Brown, when he was interrupted. "Squawk! You're a liar. All b-o-a-r-d —squawk! Hello, pal! Gimme er chew—all points w-e-s-t—squawk! Giv' 'em 'ell, Bill!". Brown looked around to discover his imitator and, failing, started again, but was again drowned by Polly. "Beat it, kid! Squawk, Skidoo, cat! yer tail's on fire—Rock Islan-n-d—git on de t-r-a-i-n—ding dong—goin' west —squawk!" Ben finally located the noise and retired In disgust tb a distant part of the room, where he called his train, followed by the diabolical laughter of the parrot. Where Neatness Hurts. The floor was so well waxed the vis itor was afraid to walk on it. The scattered rugs shone with cleanliness. Fresh curtains hung at the windows. The window panes gleamed. The mir rors glittered, it had been so well pol ished, and when he finished his ciga rette one of the sisters pushed for ward a small china saucer for his ashes. "I don't want you to put them in the silver one," smiled she, "because It has just been cleaned and polished." "Is this your cleaning day?" he asked, shifting what he was afraid was a dusty, foot off the well-swept rug on the floor. "Yes," she replied; "why? "Because," he answered, with a sigh, "I want to kftpw so the next time I come I can come on the day be fore or the day after." Japan Developing China. South China is being covered with Japanese educational appliances spe cially adapted for Chinese use schoolbooks, maps, globes, anatomical and other charts—all helping to res cue the people from their Ignorance. Every school teaches physical and military drill. In every town of any size, and often in villages, there are now schools with foreign fittings for teaching western learning. Large numbers of temples, often every tem ple except the city temple and the Confuclan temple, are being converted into schools and colleges, while scholars in their semi-foreign dress are counted by thousands, says the London Times. English * songs ara sung to the music of a Japanese har monium. Failed to Work. "Judge," said the prisoner, 'Tm the victim of hypnotism. Don't you be lieve in hypnotism?" "Sure," said the judge, "I am myself a victim of it. The prosecuting at torney has placed me under a spell that forces me to think you need about to days. Next" DOE8 YOUR BACK ACHE? Profit by the Experience of One Who Has Found Relief. James R. Keeler, retired farmer, of Fenner St., Cazenovia, N. Y., says: "About fifteen years ago I suffered with my back and kidneys. I doctored and used many reme dies without getting relief. Beginning with Doan's Kidney Pills, r I found relief from r the first box, and two boxes restored me to good, sound condi tion. My wife and many of my friends have used Doan's Kidney Pills with good results and I can earnestly recommend them." Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Ths truly excellent character Is made up of strictness towards one self and mildness towards others.— Schiller. HICKS' iO CAPUDINE 'll CURES ALL ACHES And Nervousness Trial bottle lfc Aldrugstsre* ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■aw ■ SKNDARDofTffiSOVm ■ ■ a * # LARD • ■ * VS. GOVERNMENT- INSPECTION ■ IffiSOUTHERN-anrONOILCO. s *» ■ NEVTVbWf-SAVANNAH'ATLANTANBit (MEANS Irregularity is bad in every department of life, in meals, in sleeping hours, but especially when it is a question of womanly habit. Not only is it a sign of female disease, but, unless cured, it will cause dangerous troubles, because of the poisons thus allowed to remain in the system. If you suffer in this way, get a bottle of A Bad Wine of Cardui Sign Mrs. LuqJjida Johnson, of Fish Creek, Wis., writes: "I suffered for fourteen (14) years with Irregu larity, causing great pain. At last I tried Cardui, and now I am cured." At all druggists, in $1 bottles. WRITE US A LETTER Write today for a free copy of valuable 64-page illustrated Book for Woman. If you need Medical Advice, describe lyourl symptoms, stating age, and reply will be sent in plain sealed envelope. Address: Ladies Advisory Dept., The Chattanooga Medicine Co.. Chattanooga. Tenn. B7 Bound to Celebrate. "The gennul came up the othah evenin' to play kyards,' said the Ken tucky colonel. "Theah was a pahty of us. They were all drinking rathah heavily of some ole Kentucky I passed aroun' as they played. The gennul aftah awhile began to tell about his bein' his buthday. He insisted that it was his buthday In spite of the fac' that we knew he had celebrated hie buthday with us some seven months ago. "We humohd him, but we found out aftehwahd that it was his wife's buth day instead of hls'n and whut he got foh celebratin' It away from home and huh was good an' plenty."—N. Y. Press. How's This? We offer One Hundred Dollar* Reward for any cue of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hali'i Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO., Toledo, O. We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly hon orable In all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made by his firm. WALDiira, Kinxan A Marvin, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Hall's Catarrh Cure la taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent free. Frlce 75 cents per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Take Hall's Family Fills for constipation. Danger In 8lgnals. '1 was playing a game of cards ln a mining camp in the Rockies," said the mild-mannered main, "when sud denly my partner, by way of a gentle hint, held up two fingers to Indicate that he had a pair. Quick as a flash, one of our opponents whipped out his dirk and slashed off the fingers. "Awful! Well, It was pretty bad, but wasn't he ln luck that he didn't have a full hand?" The Reason. Shea—How long have you been sick? Ryan—Five days. Shea—Glory be! An' why don't ye git a doctor? Ryan—Shure, I got to go to wur-ruk Monday marnin'.—Puck. Note ths Distinction! A recent London advertisement of< fered apartments "suitable for a Jour nalist or Christian man." Yi 0 in I III r p Beoauae of those ugly, grizzly, gray hairs. Use " LA CREOLE'* HAIR RESTORER. Price* tl.OO, retail. Anyone can dye with PUTNAM FADE LESS DVES; no experience required; success guaranteed. Labor rids us of three great evils— tediousness, vice and poverty.— French. Spring always brings into special favor Nature's blood purifier, Garfield Tea. It is made wholly of clean, sweet Herbs. It purifies the blood, cleanses the system, clears the complexion, eradicates disease Good Health. For young and promotes and old. Figures 8e«m Contradictory. The United Kingdom, which is the largest importer in the world of cattle and sheep for slaughtering purposes, Is oddly enough the largest exporter of horses for the same purpose. Blind Man Expert Whist Player. Bert Trim, a blind resident of Woonsocket, R. I., Is an expert whist player, being a valued member of a local club. He uses a special pack of cardB, on which there are faint Im prints sufficient to tell him what they are, but which are far too fine for the ordinary touch. Trim, who has been blind since childhood, Is now 30 years old. He plays the piano and cornet In excellent Btyle and is often heard In local entertainments. Use for Worthless Stocks. "Wildcat mining stocks are not al together useless — or worthless, either," said a downtown broker who handles cheap mining stocks, the other day as he hung up the telephone re ceiver. "Here's a man who has just offered me $50 for enough mining stocks to have a face value of $60,000. He wasn't particular what stocks he got If they only had a paper value of $50,000. I closed the deal and shall make mone.| on it, too. What did he want with such stocks? Well, I haven't the slightest doubt but that he is getting ready to go Into the bankruptcy court and wants to show his creditors where his money has been dropped. We often get such re quests and are usually able to fill them."—N. Y. Sun. Worth Observing. In s certain preparatory school III Washington an Instructor one day made the statement that "every year a sheet of water 14 feet thick Is raised to the clouds from the sea." "At what time of the year does that occur, professor?" asked a freshman, "It must be a sight worth going a long way to see."—Harper's. Why does hair grow on one part of your head and not on another ? One part of your scalp is barren, the other fertile. Barry's Tricopherous makes fertile scalps. 60 cents per bottle at your druggist's or by mail postpaid. Bar clay & Co., 45 Stone Street. N. Y. Not a Bit of It. City Boarder—When you exchanged cattle with Farmer Smith, did you get a quid pro quo? Farmer Jones—No, Neighbor Smith didn't try no sich mean tricks on me. We swapped fair and even.—Baltimore American. The inducements to adopt Nature's per fect Laxative, Garfield Tea, are many! It is made wholly of simple Herbs and is guaranteed under the Pure Food and Drugs Law; it overcomes constipation, regulates the liver and kidneys, purifies the blood and brings Good Health. Possessed. Father—I wonder what's the matter with Nellie this evening? She acts like one possessed. Sister—She probably Is. I notieed a new ring on her finger when she came downstairs.—Illustrated Bits. FITS, St. Vitus Dance and all Nervous Diseases permanently cured by Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free $2.00 trial bottle and treatise. Dr. R. H. Kline, Ld., 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa. The spring poet usually writes his spring poems by the side of as good a fire as he can afford. Mr*. Winslow's Soothing- Syrup. For children teething, softens the gums, reduces in flammation, aUsys pain, cores wind colic. 25c a bottle. No man Is a thousand descents from Adam.—Hooker. GASTORU 'll. ' i Si JTT For Infanta and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Bears the Signature gG= ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT. AVegetablc PreparalionforAs aixIMa I ting (lie Stomachs 4 jE lu/ml Ll Promotes DigeslionJCKeetfii ness and RestXontainsnciitvr Opiuni.Morphine nor Mineral. Not Narcotic. of j^armiksmoimm flaapkio Sttd~ jUx.Stma * JMtlte Salts AaiscSnd* In I ZkSait* Seed Use » Aperfecf Remedy for Constipa tion , Sour Stomach,Diarrhoea YV6rms.Convulskms.Feverish ness andLoss OF SHEEP. * For Over Thirty Years Facsimile Signature of NEW YORK. Atb'nionths old jj Do«s-35f£MS CASTORIA Guaranteed urutr tficFbo Exact Copy of Wrapper. THE CENTAUR COMPANY, NEW VONN OrTy. IDII FS NO MONEY TILL CURED' -PBS. THORNTON * H HOOP-who 0*« 3t. KAK5AS CITY, Mo. (»»**" ornct at 3xLows.) It requires the same kind of pa tience to teach a pig to waltz that is needed by the fisherman who can angle all day without getting a bite. in I m p |l,V !?Rnui 11 uitjrat SICK HEADACHE r .. .s—Positively cored by PADTCD C these Little Pills. I# A l\ I L l\0 They also relieve DU ■u tress from Dyspepsia, In npiTTLE digestion and Too Hearty [ iWPII Eating: A perfect rem IV Ln edy for Dizziness, Nau&t, I PILLS.' Drowsiness. Bod Taste ■ in the Mouth, Coated j Tongue, Pain ln the Side, . -J'rnnpm LIVER. They regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable. SMALL PILL SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE b Genuina Must Bear Fac-Simila Signature ^ B rs Qj refuse substitutes. A Positive CURE FOR CATARRH Ely's Cream Balm ilK 1*1 Is quickly absorbed. Gives Relief at Once. 50c. Ely Bros., EOWarren St.. N. Y. TT 20 MULE-TEAM BORAX % -y IS PURE SANATIVE i HYGIENIC (if AND mm PREVENTIVE / \ \ » /In the Nursery. Puri m S'-*—^ ty and Cleanliness tre first. For Baby's Bath, for his delicate clothing, for sterilizing bottle, etc. 20-MULE-TEAM BORAX Is Indispensable. All dealers, M0-15c pkgs. Sample and booklet and souvenir picture A cents. PACIFIC COAST BORAX (XI., New York or Chicago. HoopersTetterCwi a>«n'* scratch.) j s sold by all druggiste |W on a positive guarantee W Hi, to cure Tetter, Eczema, m Itch of all kinds, Skin Eruptions, Ring Worm, Aj Kj a Dew Poison, Chapped J|^H| Face and Hands, Pim - .;•• £■ pies, Dandruff and all Scalp Troubles, Corns. Bunions, Sore and JHRf Sweaty Feet, Etc. Sold everywhere, two sizes, 50c and $ 1.00 Bottles. } Does not stain, grease or blister. Mailed direct on receipt of price. • HOOPER MEDICINE CO., Dallas. Juts. DAISY FLY ,*LK!t.e» 1 . sf*»ddMfre»; Ing Ales, ft leads every thing. One lasts the entire season, is neat and cleaa and ornamental. Bold by all dealer* or sent by mail postpaid for Mo. Haiku. I) ananas, 14* lie I alb Am., BKOOai.TR, B. X. ». ■ ''hi? A. N. K.—F (1907—20) 2178. .