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East Mississippi times. (Starkville, Miss.) 19??-1926, May 14, 1909, Image 3

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{553 *^ MM MJ-LUll.hu—
jjj An Odd Case of Grip H
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tCopyright, 150a. by J. B. Ujsdncon Cos,)
Side by aide—the silence of a sweet
content prevailing for the moment, as
in their courting time—sat young Mr.
and Mrs. Twindle, now eight months
married. It was their third evening
In their new, made-to-order house.
They were unspeakably happy. Out
side was snapplng-cold January weath
er, the ground bare of snow. Did It
have a grudge against the happy pair
that it forced Mrs. Twindle to
straighten up all of a sudden with a
backward tilt to her pretty head, her
lips quivering, her mouth gasping, her
eyes closed In an ecstasy of Inde
cision, and her fingers embedded In
the padding of the chair-arras?
Her husband regarded her with a
look of alarm; but the convulsion was
over before he could say or do any
thing, for she had emitted three stac
cato sneezes.
“Bertha, love, this Is alarming. You
mustn't—” began Mr. Twindle, recov
ering his presence of mind, his arm
going around her waist from force of
"I suppose not, though It’s awfully
delightful,” she was saying, when
three more convulsions under the
same conditions of blissful uncertain
ty shook out three more sneezes—
delicate sniffles—and the cluck of a
partly strangled cough succeeded
them. Mr. Twindle was Instantly on
his feet, nervous with apprehension.
"This is very serious, my dear!” he
declared. “Careful as we try to be,
you've been sitting In a draught.”
“Plug the key-holes, then; they're
enemies of domestic peace, I’ve heard.
Now what’s the use of being foolishly
anxious, Dick? Do sit down again!”—
tugging at his hand.
"Can’t!” He spoke very decisively.
"You’ve a baby-cold, perhaps halt a
dozen influenza germs. We should
take precautions. Why, six sneezes
In two minutes are six hints to call
a doctor. There’s an M. D.'s office
over the drug store on the corner of
Quay street. That's only three blocks
off, and I can get here In ten mlu
“Dick!” She Called Faintly!
uteg.” He put on his hat and over
coat In a determined way.
“What ails you, Dick? Afe you
crazy?” she asked. "I’ve sneezed lots
of times in my life without sending for
a doctor. If you bring one back with
you,” she added, with a stamp of her
little foot, “I'll hide in the attic, sure.”
"Oh, well, if you feel so about It I’ll
compromise by getting some sort of a
remedy from the druggist—catarrh
snuff, cough-drops, Inhalers —some-
thing, anything—for, seriously, I'm
“Add some opera creams and a
magazine or two,” she suggested.
Still he lingered. “If you’re going—
she hinted.
"I ought to ‘git,’ eh?” he responded.
“Fact is, my dear, I don’t like to leave
you all alone. We don't know any
body around here, and robbers are un
pleasantly numerous.”
“Humph!” with a shrug of her shoul
der, “who’d want to steal me?”
"Anybody who saw you. A burglar
would swipe you for ransom. I’ll take
no chances," and with that he pro
ceeded to lock the downstairs doors.
“I'M not feel so anxious, now that’s
done.” he said. “My latch-key's In my
pockirt and yours Is on the mantel.
All you've got to do Is—not to do any
thing but keep out of draughts!” with
which Irishism and the tip of a kiss
he departed.
To prevent lonesomeneas Mrs.
Twindle read the bargain “ads." and
the fashion-freak article of the eve
ning paper; for a brief time she
planned room decorations; after that
she was In a quandary what to do.
Was It one ofter evil spirits that sug
gested a plan—at the time she thought
It a pleasant one—for surprising her
husband on bis return? Her idea was
to Illuminate the bouse.
With her to think was to act. In a
few minutes there was a flame on
every gas-jet, upstairs and down, in
the house. Naturally enough for a
woman, she was curious to see bow
the place would appear to an outsider.
Bundled up in a shawl, she darted out
of this 'front door in a hurry, fearing
Mr. Twlndlfe might surprise her. The
show was a fine one; Dick would sure
ly admit it; It would please her If any
one concluded a big function was go
l>g on in the little house. The air
was cold for out-door sentiment, and
she hastened to get Inside again, only
to have the chill of her life when she
found that the front door was shut
hard and fast against her—held tight
with Its spring lock, and her latch key
on the mantel, just as Dick had told
her. She comprehended the situation
in a breath, was frightened, almost col
lapsed. It availed her nothing to kick
and push and sputter out her passion;
the wood and the night kept grim and
silent. She tried the other doors, but
Mr. Twindle had treated them with an
exasperating sureness.
Everything having failed her, she
felt forlorn enough for a hearty spell
of crying. There were neighbors, It
was true, but she was a stranger and
proud and wouldn't go to them and
make herself ridiculous with her story.
No! She would try to keep warm un
til Dick came, which oughtn't to be
long. So she trotted to and fro In the
lee of the house, tantalized by what
she saw through the windows, and re
calling, In comical contrast, the poor
Perl who had “stood disconsolate” at
the gate of Eden, and wondered how
that angel would get along with the
Twindle job on this arctic night. This
thinking of Paradise and Its perfumes,
especially the latter, reminded her of
the smell of the heated varnish on the
registers, of the airing she had given
the house that afternoon, and how,
afterwards, all the windows but one
had been closed and locked, the excep
tion being left up a finger’s width for
ventilation. She gave a little cry of
Joy over this chance of escape from
the weather and from discovery by
Dick. That window was on the other
side of the house, perhaps twenty
feet back from the sidewalk. Her
spirits took a tumble when she found
the sill was five feet from the ground,
measuring It by her own height of
five feet two. A stepping block was
necessary. It was found, In the shape
of an empty nail keg, on top of a pile
of carpenters' rubbish In the back
yard. Hardly had she mounted when
its head fell In. One leg was trapped.
With stoical endurance she extrlcateed
it, smarting with nail-point etchings.
Most men would have sworn In some
language; If she could, she didn't, but.
Instead, used her good leg like a golf
stick to spin the keg away with a
mighty kick. What next was to be
done? for there was no spare time.
Nothing, unless a shivery old wheel
barrow the plasterers had been too
proud to take away and mean enough
to leave could be used. It was, from
the start, an obstinate derelict, wildly
careening, and viciously trying to
travel on Its sides. Its broken wheel
giving It a piglike contrariety.
Warmed by this opposition, Mrs. Twin
dle pugnaciously flung aside her shawf,
and after many a puff and grunt fought
the barrow to where she wanted It.
The couple of tlp-outs that followed did
not discourage her. Once balanced,
she found the window both unlocked
unweighted. She raised the sash until
it stuck In the runway high enough
for her to crawl under, after which,
getting a good grip on the Inside ca
sing, she sprang upward towards the
opening; at the same Instant the bar
row, as perverse as ever, flopped over.
Her shoulders struck against and
loosened the sash, which dropped Into
the small of her back, holding her as
If In a vise, halt In, half out, of the
house—a tropical heat around her
head, an arctic breeze flirting her
draperies and numbing tier walking
sticks. There the little woman stuck,
struggling a good deal and crying Just
a little—being fearful, all the time,
that some individual other than Dick
might discover her predicament, a pos
sibility that made her frantic.
“And why doesn't Dick come?” she
continually asked herself. "Why
should he be an hour on a 20-mlnute
errand? I can’t keep up this kicking
much longer.” she thought, when the
minutes seemed to have grown Into
hours, "but If I stop I’ll freeze; and
It I freeze, he'll have to thaw me out
In water, as If I were a frozen fish,
and that’ll not be nice for anybody."
Then she fought the harder and Just
as vainly, not so much to get Into the
house as to keep her consciousness.
Still. Dick did not come, nor any one
else, and so, at last, exhausted and
despairing, she fainted.
When, not more than a minute later,
Mrs. Twindle knew herself again It
was to feel strong arms tugging at her
outdoor extremities and a certainty
In her mind that either the window
frame must go, or that she, not being
of India rubber, would part In the
middle. She heard and knew with joy
the voice of the toller at her feet.
"Dick!" she called, faintly. *Tm
awfully glad It's you and not some
body else. But, dear, please work from
inside the house! It’ll be easier and
I'll live longer."
Barring the leg decorations, a
"tired feeling” in bar back, a hollow In
her stomach, and a head that ached
clear down to her shoulder blades—
“mere trifles,” she persistently In
sisted —Mrs. Twindle, released from
captivity, declared herself In fine con
dition, and would not hear of Mr.
Twindle “going for a doctor.”
"It was a lock-out, Dick, In this way"
—and, cuddled up in bis armsi like ft
tired child, she told the story.
Two telephone girls were talking
over the wire one afternoon. The sub
ject of the conversation was a lawn
party, which was to take place the
next day. Both were discussing what
they should wear, and after five min
utes had come to no decision.
in the midst of this important con
versation a masculine voice Interrup
ted, asking humbly what number he
had. The lack of reply did not squelch
the inquirer, for he asked again for
the number.
One of the girls became Indignant
and scornfully asked:
“What line do you think you are on,
“Well,” said the man. “I am not
sure, but Judging from what I have
heard I should say 1 was on a clothes
Coming Down Easy.
Inquiries after the welfare of Pat
rick Conroy were answered by his de
voted friend, Terence Dolan, who was
at the Conroys In the double capacity
of nurse and cook. "No. he’s not dan
gerous hurt at all,” was Mr. Dolan's
reply to a solemnly whispered ques
tion at the door.
“We heard he had a bad fall, and
was all broke to pieces,” whispered
the neighbor.
“Tls a big story you’ve heard," said
Mr. Dolan In his cheerful roar. “Thrue,
he tell off’n the roof o’ the Brady
stables, where he was shinglin', an’ he
broke his lift leg, knocked out a couple
o’ teeth an" broke his collar bone.
“Mind ye. If he’d have fell clear to
the ground. It might have hurled him
bad, but shure there was a big pile of
shtones and lumber that broke his
fall.”—Youth’s Companion.
Ellen—Are you going abroad this
Ernest —No.
Ellen—Why not?
Ernest —My means are too narrow
to be abroad.
What Killed the Cat?
Little Davey Sloan Is forever asking
“You’d better keep still, or some
thing will happen to you,” his tired
mother finally told him one night.
“Curiosity once killed a cat, you
Davey was so impressed with this
that he kept silent for three minutes.
Then: “Say, mother, what was It the
cat wanted to know?” —Everybody’s.
Not Aesthetic.
“Anew theory states that the solar
plexus and not the heart Is the seat
of affection."
“I can’t subscribe to such a theory."
“How would you like to receive a
valentine covered all over with dia
grams of the solar plexus?"
Mrs. Numuther—l don't like It.
Everybody says baby looks like his
Visitor—Well. I wouldn't worry,
dear. It doesn’t so much matter in a
boy, you know.
Real Brave.
The speaking suffragette was at
white heat.
"There are no cowards in our
ranks!" she shouted In a penetrating
voice. “Every day you pass our brave
sisters ofl the streets."
“They must be brave to wear the
style of hats they do!" shouted the
little man on the bench, and the
next moment be was running for his
This life Is an old. old story.
Told o'er and o'er again,
The sum of man's poor glory,
The heartache and the pain;
The profitless ttirmolling.
The never-ending strife,
The years of biller tolling,
The fond ambitions rife.
This life Is an old. old story.
Told o'er and o'er again;
A soldier dead and gory
On' a crowded battle plain;
A task left half-completed,
A sigh, a lonely grave
For the victor and the defeated,
For the coward and the brave!
Cheerful Smith—Ever notice any
thing remarkable about carpets?
Browne—No; how d’you mean?
Smith —They are bought by the yard
and worn by the foot!
Perfidy Properly Punished.
"Is It true, Mildred," asked the
sweet-faced, soft-voiced matron, cares
sing her beautiful daughter's golden
brown hair, "that Lillian Garltnghorn
tried to supplant you In the esteem of
Lieut. Ketchley?”
"She made a stab at It," yawned
Miss Mildred. “I wasn't particularly
crushed on the loot, but when I got
wise to the fact that Lll Garllnghorn
was trying to cut in I thought. I'd Just
show her that I bad her beaten to a
cold storage omelet, and 1 did It."
Social Paradox.
"It's Impossible for me to dress on
$5,000 a year.”
"Well, my love, you must wear
"Don't be silly! You know perfet
ly well that the less I wear the mo
It costs.”—Judge.
Grandpa Would Earlle like to
come Into the garden and play circus
with grandpa?
Earlle—Well-er—l'm rather busy
just now, grandpa. Couldn't you go
and play by yourself?
Persist of Interview.
‘‘And what are your opinions con
cerning the tariff?"
“I must decline to be interviewed,”
answered Senator Sorghum.
“But you will make speeches on
the subject.”
“Of course. But I can handle a
speech so that people will wonder
what I am getting at; you would in
sist on letting them know precisely
what I mean.”
Easy to Carry.
"Why. I see you have sent little
Willie for beer for the first time, and
that you have given him two Jugs to
carry. Why did you do this?"
“I did It so that with one In each
hand he could keep his balance bet
Foxy Rooster—Corn, eh? Well,
yhu'll have to offer It to me with both
B/a Public Official—County Treasurer
of Granbury, Texas,
A. A. Perkins, County Treasurer of
Granbury, Hood Cos., Texas, says;
“Years ago a severe
fa" injured my kid
neys. From that time I
" as bothered with a
viiKr chronic lame back and
■ disordered action of
jSmmk the kidneys helped to
make lite miserable
jHrWr (or me. A friend sug
ges t e and my using
B Doan's Kidney Pills,
HI W which I did, with the
Jl S most gratifying re
-0 suits. I made a pub
lic statement at the time, recommend
ing Doan's Kidney Pills, and am glad
to confirm that statement now."
Sold by all dealers, 50 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Cos., Buffalo, N. Y.
To Help Him Save.
H. H. Rogers plunged Into the poli
tics of Falrhaven last month in order
to secure prohibition for the beauti
ful Massachusetts town that is his
“Mr. Rogers is against drinking,”
said a Falrhaven man, "He thinks,
for one thing, that drinking brings on
extravagance and thrlftlossnoss.
“Mr. Rogers stopped and shook
hands with me on the street the oth
er morning.
" 'Glad to see you out again,' hs
said. ‘Hope you'll vote the right tick
et. You’ve been sick, haven’t you?'
“'Yes,' said I. ‘Stomach trouble. I
guess I won't get to the Easter blow
out. The doctor has ordered me to
give up champagne.'
“ ‘You haven't paid his bill, yet, eh?'
said Mr. Rogers, and ho walked oft
Eyes Are Relieved By Murine
when Irritated by Chalk Dust and Eye
Strain, incident to the average School
Room. A recent Census of New York
City reveals the fact that In that City
alone 17,928 School Children needed Eye
Care. Why not try Murine Eye Remedy
for Red. Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes,
Granulation, Rtnk Eye and Eye Strain?
Murine Doesn’t Smart: Soothes Eye Pain.
Is Compounded hy Experienced Physi
cians; Contains no Injurious or Prohibit
ed Drugs. Try Murine for Your Eye
Troubles: You Will Like Murine. Try It
In Baby's Eyes for Scaly Eyelids. Drug
gists Sett Murine at 50e. The Murine Eye
Remedy Cos.. Chicago, Will Send You In
teresting Eye Books Free.
Grievance of Suffragists.
The suffrage papers are still griev
ing over their mistake as to Sweden
having granted the ballot to women.
The dispatch which caused the mis
take read "to all Inhabitants of 24
years and over." The suffragists in
other countries are asking if Sweden
does not enumerate its women among
its inhabitants when taking Its cen
Rough on Rats, unbeatable exterminator
Rough on Hen Lice, Nest Powder, 2Bc.
Rough on Bedbugs, Powder or Llq'd,2so.
Rough on Fleas, Powder or Liquid, 25.
Rough on Roaches, Pow’d, 15c.,L1q'd,25c.
Rough on Moth and Ants, Powder, 25c.
Rough on Skeeters, agreeable to use,2sc.
E. S. Wells, Chemist, Jersey City, N. J.
Oldest Man In the World.
Jose Gaudaloupe Aleitd of Jalostl
tlan, state of Jalisco, Mexico, Is said
to be the oldest man in the world.
The record of his birth as contained
in the archives of the parish church
shows that be was born in 1770, which
makes him 139 years old. He is in
good physical condition.
Use Allen's Foot-Eaee.
It is the only relief for Swollen Smart
ing, Tired, Aching, Hot, Sweating I-'eel,
Corns and Bunions, Ask for Allen's Fool-
Ease, a powder to be shaken into the
simps. Cures while you walk. At alt Drug
gists and Shoe Stores, 25c. Don't accept
any substitute. Sample sent FREE. Ad
dress, Allen S. Olmsted, Leßoy, N. Y.
Last Chance.
"Why should I be married in a dress
"For two reasons. It's fashionable,
and then you’ll have a dress suit."
For Colds and Gripp—Capudlne.
The best remedy for Orlpp and Colds Is
Hicks* Capudlne. Relieves the aching and
feverishness. Cures the eold—Headaches
also. It's Liquid—Effects immediately—lo,
25 and 50c at Drug Stores.
Women Brick Workers.
Prussia's brick yards employ nearly
20.000 women.
A Rural Telephone
pjj should be installed in
\1 / 11 kee P s y° u * n touch with the \J[
the market. It brings you closer to your friends. It runs
your errands, It protects your home.
K™ “Bell” Telephones a C he
Our Free Bulletin No. 107 on
How (o Build Rural Telephone Lines
tells how you and your neighbors can, by cutting your own poles secure
all the rest of the material necessary to build the very bett system at a cost
. of about one-half bale of cotton each.
Cut out this advertisement, write your
name and address on the margin, and mail flf m
at once to our nearest house, so that we can Ju
waKa lr* send you a copy of the bulletin.
tMtbmnScM Th. ,W. o!d~l tffln.
Atlanta KantM City Thar* are over ft*® 4 *® Jbttofclpfcl®
Cincinnati Portsmouth WMtora Btettrto Teliplww rltUhurg
B .int •* l-vn- ffiSw
Indianapolis Harannah * B ** cU “ lir New York gnp^rranoiaoo
She—Hut If you have completely
cured Mrs. Tooter, you have done
away with one of your most lucrative
sources of income.
The Doctor —Ah, but I'll present her
with my bill, and then I'll have to
treat her for nervous prostration.
Certainty Convenience Economy
Never has there been known a case
where Mitchell's Eye Salve has not
given notable relief. A pure harmless
salvo for application to the surface
of the eye lids; the simplest of meth
ods with wonderful results. The price
25 cents places It within reach of all.
All druggists sell It.
Coaxing the Brute.
Eve had given Adam the apple.
"I suppose,” she mused us she con
structed the fig leaf suit, "after this
I'll always have to feed him to get •
new dress.”
Subsequent developments confirmed
her fears.
The Burnt Child.
Stern Parent—Bobby, I thought I
told you to order that trunk sent
around right away, all ready to use.
The trunk has come, but there 1s no
"Well, pa, I told the man he needn’t
mind sending the strap.”
A Double Lack.
"My story has no unnecessary
words,” said the budding author
"No, It hasn't,” agreed the critic,
“but It hasn't any necessary ones
And If every mother's son of us
made a strenuous effort to reach the
top there wouldn’t be such a crowd at
the bottom.
By Lydia E. Pinkham’s
Vegetable Compound
Gardiner, Maine.—“l have been a
organic troubles
etatde Comjtaunt^
months’ use of them.”—Mm sI'T
Williams, B. P. D. No. 14, Box 80,
Gardiner, Me.
No woman should submit to a surgl.
cal operation, wliich may mean death,
until she has given Lydia E. rinkham’s
Vegetable Compound, made exclusive,
ly from roots and herbs, a fair trial.
This famous medicine for women
has for thirty years proved to be the
most valuable tonic and renewer of
the female organism. Women resid
ing In almost every city and town ih
the United States bear willing testi
mony to the wonderful virtue of Lydia
E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound.
It wires female Ufa, and creates radi
ant, buoyant female health. If you
are 111, for your own sake as well as
those you love, give it a trial.
Mrs. Pink ham, at Lynn, Mass.,
invites all slok women to write
tier for advice. Her advice is free,
and always helpful.

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