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BETZVTOZE TAT ES
Philharmonius Bibbins and the Rug Ellis Parker Bullerjc^ Atdhor oFPigs is Pigs” Eic* ILLUSTRATED By PETER NEWELL Philharmonius Bibbins is the only psychologist we have in Betzyille, but one is plenty, for this Isn’t a very good place to study psychic phenome na. There are hardly any ghosts in the neighborhood, and those of a low, uninteresting quality. In any place where ghosts amount to anything you could get loads of cheap second-hand ones, all better than any native ghosts we have. So Phil is sort of forced to take up other branches than ghosts. If he lived anywhere else he would be a good psychologist, for be is a whole hearted believer. He will believe any thing that has no sense. And be be lieves it thoroughly. Last Wednesday an Armenian rug peddler struck town, and he had a lot of Oriental rugs of various qualities from bad to worse, but he wasn't do ing very well, because although Betz ville is a center of culture and refine ment it runs more to rag carpets than to the gems of the oriental loom. But the moment he called on Phllharraon lus he saw he had a sale. The very sight of the ruga set all Phil's psychic brain-lobes palpitating like a six-cyl inder motor, and he asked immediate ly whether the Armenian had a magic carpet. The Armenian immediately said he had. He undid his pack and pulled out a rug that looked like the first attempt of a uncultured rug mak er who never would be any good at But Just as His Foot Touched the Rug It Slipped and the* Rug Carried Him Rapidly Downstairs. rug making, and that had the general Soppiness of a piece of cheese-cloth. The rug had a tag on one corner that said “16.75," but the Armenian raised It to “$16.76” and then was sorry he hadn't made it “$116.76," Phllharmonl us took it so quickly. Philharmonius explained to us, Wednesday night at the lodge, just what a magic carpet is good for, and how you sit on it and say a few strong Arabic words and go floating off on it to any part of the world. When wo asked him he said he had not been able to do much floating off yet, but that in a few days he would probably take some trips. He took one that same night He had the rug at the head of his stairs, and he started down, but just as his foot touched the rug It slipped and the rug carried him rapidly down stairs. It was quite a triumph for Philharmonius, but It was noticed by his wife that he said the strong Arabic words after he had started, and on the way down, instead of at first. Of course it wasn't much of a flight, just a trial trip, as you might say, but Philharmonius was mighty proud of it, and said it showed that the rug worked all right. He said that prob ably in a few days be would be able to sail away to Bagdad on it without the least trouble. All the next day he sat on the rug in his bed-room saying strong Arabic words, but he didn’t seem to get any where much. He felt that If be want ed to he could easily fly down stairs again, but he seemed tired of doing that. Flying down stairs that way gets so monotonous. So Pbilharmonl us strongly urged his wife never to put the rug at the bead of the stairs again. About seven o'clock in the evening Phil went down stairs to supper, and after supper he saw a big windstorm coming up, so be rushed upstairs to close the bed-room windows, and as dashed into the bed-room his feet struck the rug. He says he uttered the strong Arabic words as be was coming down, he thinks. He admits he didn’t come down on the rug as gracefully as a man could after a lit tle practice, for when his feet went out they went too high, thus raising them above his head so that he sal down on the rug with the back of his head, as you might say. But he says it makes little difference to a man who really has his heart in the magic car pet business how he alights. The main thing is to alight. The moment he alighted he began to travel. He says he thinks may be he went to Bagdad, but a sleepiness came over him the minute he struck the rug, and he says it was mighty lucky, too, for it he had retained-his senses the sight of the great depths below him as he sailed along would probably have made him dizzy, and while in that state of vertigo he might have fallen off the rug and been dashed to pieces. He said he seemed to be traveling for ages, and undoubt edly did go to Bagdad, or somewhere, fpr he had no recollection of being in Betzville, and that he is thankful that he did not have to stop in Bag dad, for everybody knows how hard it is for a man who does not speak the language to get along in those foreign towns, and he might have got ten into serious trouble. A mad dog might have bitten him, and he did not know the Arabic for “Pasteur cure.” Philharmonius says that the moat wonderful thing was that after all that flight, and in spite of the incredible swiftness with which he must have traveled if he went as far as he may have gone, that rug landed him with in a foot of where he started from. He says it was a wonderful exhibition of landing, and he wishes he bad been awake to see it, but he wasn't; his spirit, as Philharmonius says, was In “psychic realms." He says he never enjoyed anything in his life as he enjoyed that flight, but that he feels that he has proved that magic carpets really do all that is claimed for them and that the real student of psychic phenomena know when they have had enough. When a thing is proved it is proved, and it is foolish to go on proving It. So, in order, probably, that he may not be tempted to make any more flights, Philharmonius has put the magic car pet under the bed, and nailed it there. (Copyright. 1909, by W. Q. Chapman.) Bridesmaids for Hire. Romance dies out in the world, If would almost seem, with the advent of the professional bridesmaid. Whether for better or worse, however, she has arrived, and a bureau In Lon don offers to supply her, or a dozen of her, suitably attired, at an hour's notice, for the sum of one guinea. Run away couples might be expected to figure as the bureau’s chief patrons, but it is said that the professional ap pears at formal weddings also, and seems to fill a want as clearly as does the paid guest who goes to dinners and dances given by the new rich. It would be Interesting to know whether this type of bridesmaid feels emotion or catches a thrill of Inspiration from the events in which she officiates. If the thought of the guinea leans in her mind no room for softer sentiment, hers is a hopeless case indeed- DOCTOR’S BEST FORMULA For Remarkably Quick Action on Colds and Coughs. This prescription will frequently cure the worst cold In a day’s time and it is a sure cure for any cough that can be cured. “Two ounces Glycerine; half ounce Concentrated Pine; Put these into half a pint of good whiskey and use in doses of teaspoonful to a table spoonful every four hours. Shake bot tle well each time.” Any druggist has these ingredients in stock or will quick ly get them from his wholesale house. The Concentrated Pine is a special pine product and comes only In half ounce vials each e-closed In an air tight case; But be sure It Is labeled "Concentrated.” This formula cured hundreds here last winter. INSULT TO INJURY. Shoemaker—Well, If that Isn't all right. Instead of paying my bill, he kicks me down stairs, and with the new boots I’ve made him, too. SCRATCHED SO SHE COULD NOT SLEEP “I write to tell you how thankful I am for the wonderful Cuticura Rem edies. My little niece had eczema for five years and when her mother died I took care of the child. It was all over her face and body, also on her head. She scratched so that she could not sleep nights. I used Cuticura Soap to wash her with and then ap plied Cuticura Ointment. I did not use quite half the Cuticura Soap and Ointment, together with Cuticura Re solvent, when you could see a change and they cured her nicely. Now she Is eleven years old and has never been bothered with eczema since. My friends think It Is just great the way the baby was cured by Cuticura. I send you a picture taken when she was about 18 months old. "She was taken with the eczema when two years old. She was covered with big sores and her mother had all the best doctors and tried all kinds of salves and medicines without effect until wo used Cuticura Remedies. Mrs. H. Kiernan, 663 Quincy St., Brooklyn, N. Y.. Sept. 27, 1909.” Rather Tall. "That,” said Senator Tillman of an opponent’s argument, "Is an amusing exaggeration.” He smiled. “In fact," he continued, "It is as bad an exaggeration as the story about Ben Johnson's height. They said of Ben, you know, the candidate for sheriff, that when he made a stump speech, Instead of getting a stump ready for him to mount, they would, because he was so tall, dig a hole for him to stand in.” How’s This? We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any ease of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO.. Toledo, O. We. the undcTßlKncd. havo known F. J. Cheney for the last IS years, and believe him perfect!/ hon orable In all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made by his firm. Waldino, Kinnan A Marvin. Wholesale Druggists. Toledo. O. Hall’s Catarrh Cure Is taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent free. Price 78 cents per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation. Not the Proper Atmosphere. Overheard outside St. Ann’s church yesterday: First City Man—Are you going In to hear the archdeacon to-day? Second City Man—No, I think not. It puts me In the wrong frame of mind for business for the rest of the day.—Manchester Guardian. His Broad Charity. Imogene—l know papa is cross and surly sometimes and says things that are unjust, but you should judge him, Philip, by his best. Philip—Oh, I do. dear. You’re his best. Work is the grand cure for all the maladies and miseries that ever beset mankind—honest work, which you In tend getting done. —Thomas Carlyle. The fellow who says he could never love a woman with money may dis cover that he can’t successfully love a woman If be hasn't any. ONLY ONE “BROMft QUININE.” That I. LAXATIVR BROMO OITININH. I„k f„ r the signature f K. W. OKovk. Used the World over to Cure a Cold In One Day. 26c. He loves his country best who strives to make It best.—lngersoll. DOCTOR YOURBEI.F when yon feel a cold coming on bv taking a few domw of Perry Darts’ Painki'ler. It 1 shelter then Quinine and safer. The large 600 bottles are the cheapest. Health may be wealth, but that isn't what makes the doctors rich. Mra. Winslow’* Soothing Syrup. For children teething, softens the gum s. reduces in flamiuaiiuD.alla/s pain, euros wind colic. Usca untie. We are never too old to acquire the latest wrinkle. SUFFERED TERRIBLY, How Relief from Distressing Kidney Trouble Was Found. Mrs. Elizabeth Wolf, 388 W, Morgan St., Tipton, Mo., says: “Inflammation £ot the bladder reached Its climax last spring and I suf fered terribly. My back ached and pained so I could hardly get around and the secretions . were scanty, fre quent of passage and painful. I was tired all the time and very nervous. I began using Doan's Kidney Pills, and after taking a few boxes was cured and havo been well ever since.” Remember the name—Doan’s. Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster- Milburn Cos., Buffalo, N. Y. Latest Coffee Roaster. The latest coffee roaster has a sta tionary Inner cylinder and a rotating outer one of perforated steel, with space between for the coffee beans, and blades to Insure thorough mixing and even roasting. Heat Is applied to the inner cylinder by electric current. For sampling the roasting, a small cup is so arranged that on pressing a knob three or four beans are thrown out without stopping the cylinder. A Modern Kid. “How old are You, little girl?” “Six.” “And how is It that you are out walking without your mamma?” “Oh, mamma doesn’t go out for ex ercise. Really, we have very little In common.” • His Face Was Turning Yellow Someone told him that sallow iicph was caused by nn Inactive liver. He began talcing NATURE'S REMEDY, his natural color returned, his brain cleared. His llvef was again active. NR tablets never fall to correct the liver, they remove the bile, aid digestion and tone the system. Better than Pills for Liver Ills. Take one tonight and you’ll feel better In the morning. On a 25c Box. All Druggists. The A. H. Lewis Medicine Cos., St. Louis, Mo. Probably a Female Doctor. “My wife looks very poorly, you think, doctor?" “Yes, 1 do." “What do you think she needs?" “Anew hat and anew dress!" — Yonkers Statesman. Children Who Are Sickly. Mothers should never be without n box of Mother Gray’s Sweet Powders for Children. They break up celds In X 4 hours, cure Feverish ness, Constipation, Headache, Teething Dis orders and Stomach Troubles. Over 10,000 testimonials. At all Druggists, 26c. Ask to day. Hample mailed FREE. Address, Allen 8. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y. Impolite Papa. “Mamma, what makes papa make that funny noise?" “He’s snoring, dear." “But you always tell me It ain’t po lite to blow my noise out loud." —— For Colds and Grlpp—-Capudine. The best remedy for Grlpp and Colds la Hicks’ Capudine. Relieves the aching and feverishness. Cure-s the cold—Headaches also. It’s liquid—Effects Immediately—lo, 26 and 60c at Drug Stores. When one woman has a grudge against another she tells the neigh bors how sorry she feels for the wom an’s husband. mi ALLENS LUNG BALSAM will cure not only a f rush cold, but one of I hose stub born roughs that usually hang on fur months. Ulvo It a trial and prove Its worth. 26c, 60u and (1.00, Time cannot remove kindly acts from a grateful heart—Royston, WHY Buffer with eye troubles, quick re lief by using PETTIT’S EYE SALVE, 2, r )c. All druggistsor Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. A man can always flatter bis wife by being jealous. TRIED REMEDY FOR THE GRIP. PUTNAM FADELESS DYES ™ a ,-w.r: ass? BjMmnmgw bi u h cn y seed. A ™ R<!| “> bl ® the chief trouble ot one i s generally Prolific Cotton Seeds, Triumph Potatoes, Prolific the other. WnTmToni * J Seed Corn. Hlrfh Class Garden Seeds pti.es curfd ih oto i4 dats Hfc gMk selected for Truckers. It will pay u ,’ c ir *n a f wsk you to write for our 1910 SEED CAT ALOGIiR and wholesale Bulk Market Gardeners’ Price lasts A friend is merely a person we can HHH&mBB SCHWILL’S SEED STORE tell our troubles to. Established *1869. 18-20 S. front Street Memphis, Team Pleasant, Beneficial Syrup of Fijjs and Flixir of Senna appeals to the cultured and the well-informed and the healthy because its component parts are simple and whole some and because it acts with- !fl A out disturbing the natural func- ! m. >^B tions, as it is wholly free from every objectionable quality or ! substance. In its production a VV' pleasant and refreshing syrup il \\ of the figs of California is unit- If)In minative properties of certain ‘ plants known to act most bene- \ Fig Syrup Co.—is always plain- \" 'A ly printed upon the front of ev- ' \ ery package of the genuine. Syrup (p. LOUISVILLE. KY. SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. NEW YORK. N. 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