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Stinrk m Bonannt,
Mouldy Mike —I’ve struck a soft thing now. • Dusty Dan—What’s that? Mouldy Mike—l go inter town, an* tell ’em I b’long to a stranded opera company, and want ’em all to be at th* schoolhouse at seven sharp and hear me give a concert. They always come. A free show draws a crowd every time. Well, I don’t git. more’n halfway through me best solo,“MisterDooley,” than they begins ter throw eggs an’ cabbages an’ all sorts o’ garden pro duce by the bushel. I just gathers it up and slips out th’ back door. Been livin’ like a fight in* cock all w inter. — N. Y. Weekly. The Boy Couldn't See It. Office Boy —There ain’t any such word as “gesticulate” in the diction ary'. Chief Clerk —Nonsense! Where did you look for it? “Under ‘je,’ of course. “I see, didn’t know how to spell it.” “So a fellow f must know how to spell a word he goes to the diction ary to find out how’ to spell! What’re ye givin’ us, anyhow?” Boston Transcript. A Study In Heartbreaking;*. “I am supposed to die of a broker heart,” said the unmanageable ac tress. “Now, how am I to know how a per son with a broken heart behaves?” “I’ll tell you what to do,” answered the cold-blooded manager. “You s*tudy the author of this play after he sees your first performance of it.” —Wash- ington Star. Jn*t m Hint. “I wish,” said Kev. Mr. Hardpan, “that this congregation were penni less.” “What does he mean?” the people whispered one to another. “For then,” the pastor continued, “the collection plate would not be so nickel-less and lime-less.”. —Philadel- phia Press. Hard. “It’s a hard task this bedng a states man,” remarked the great man, reflect ively. “People are hard to satisfy.” “Very. If you have money at the end of a term of office they wink signifi cantly and say: T told you so,’ and if you are poor they curl their lips and comment on your improvident charac ter.” —Washington Star. Laxy Man’* Hankering. I’d like to have a nice, scft job. Where I could simply be A sort of weekly visitor. To draw my salarye; And then, as that got burdensome And seemed inclined to bore me. I’d like to have some fellow paid To go and draw' it for me! —Baltimore News. THEN CAME RUCTION*. “Adolphus, what shall I go to the Gorgson’s fancy ball as?” “Wall flower, m3' dear. Suit you lovel\'!” —Alley Sloper. Reflection*. This world is like a looking glass Wherein one oft beholds his face; It frowns on those who grimly pass. But answers smiles with jovial grace. —Washington Star. No Eonai Here. “No; we’re never troubled with en nui out at my house. Our minds are alwa3's occupied.” “In what way?” “Well, I’m trying to guess what m3' wife will say to me when I get home, and she’s tr3'ing to guess what new excuse I’ll have for being late.” — Brooklyn Eagle. A Genuine Mystery. “My and ear,” said a wife who had been married three years, as she beamed across the table on ner lord and mas ter, “tell me what first attracted 30U to me. What pleasant characteristic did I possess which placed me above other women in 3’our sight?” And her lord and master simpl3* said: “I give it up.” —Tit-Bits. Trouble Coming. Mrs. Jenner Lee Ondego YTmr church is becoming dissatisfied with the pastor? Why is that? He has been preaching for you 15 3'ears, hasn’t he? Mrs. Selldom-Holmc —Yes. That’s the .trouble. He has begun to preach at us, now. —Chicago Tribune. He Alwara Seemed Tricky. Hicks —We had a great time at t& club last night. Sorry not to see you there, Charley. Mrs. Porter (after Hicks had gone) — Why, Charles, ycm told me you spent the whole of last evening at the club. Mr. Porter (with great presence of mind) —So I did, dear. The reason Hicks didn't see me was because he wasn’t there himself. Trying to de ceive his wife, probably. Mrs. Porter —The wretch! And he would try to rob me of the confidence I have in you! f always did see some thing about that man- 1 didn’t like. — Boston Transcript. Grnnral Opinion. Lives of great men all remind us That it isn’t only pluck; We would do as well, or better, If we only had their luck. —N. Y. Time?. BETWEEN DEAR FRIENDS. Miss White —I’ve never been able to get a good photograph of my face. Miss Black —Let me congratulate you.” —Chicago Daily News. Authoritative. As to getting rich quick There are warnings in plenty. And for one of them see Prov. 2S:-0. —<Chicago Tribune. Needed Some Stimulus. Manager —I shall shortly produce a new play called ‘The Gold-Bug,’ and 1 want you to take the part of the hero. “Actor —Who is he? Manager —He is the Gold-Bug —a millionaire. Actor —Very well. Pay me my back salary just before the curtain rise*, and I’ll sweep the town.” —N. Weekly. A Man of Simple Taste*. “Did you enjoy your trip abroad?” “Yes” answered Mr. Cumrox; “but 1 must say 1 missed the kind of cook ing I’m used to.” “Couldn’t you get anything you wanted ?” “Possibly. But you see mother and the girls hadn’t taken the trouble to learn the t rench for pork and beaus. —Washington Star. An Unfailing; Sign. Druggist —That dyspepsia remedy you put on the market wasn’t a suc cess, eh ?” Physician —Why do you think it wasn’t? Druggist —Because there hasn’t been a single imitation offered for sale. — Cincinnati Enquirer. Monopoly. A lady once asked a little girl of five if she had any brothers. “Yes,” said the child, “I have three brothers.” “And how many sisters, my dear?” asked the lady. “Just one sister, and I’m it,” replied the small girl.—Little Chronicle. Not Quite Certain. Crawfoot —So your son Zeke was in love for two months. Did you notice any economy? Stubble —It’s hard to sa3’. He didn’t eat as much, but he used up a powerful lot of sweet soap an’ clean linen. —Chi- cago Daily News. Afraid. “Biggleston must have a shady past.” “Why?” “He says something ought to be done to curb the newspapers.” —Chi- cago Kecord-llerald Sensible Suggestion. Von Blumer —Where’s my wife? Dimpleton—She’s in the next room talking with my wife about clothes. Von Blumer —Well, then, suppose we go and spend the evening somewhere together. —Town Topics. Crime Under Difficulties. Sing Sing Sam —Wet’s de matter, Joe? Been playin’football? Joliet Joe —Naw! I tried ter swipe a automobile an’ de blame ting run away wit me.—N. Y. Herald. G raritnde Among; Girl*. Mildred —I should so like to do something that would please Gertrude. She’s been so kind to me. Cora —Why not pretend that you’re jealous of her? —Town Topics. WILD FOWLS IN MEXICO. A Corner of Our Hem I upbore Mfll Known to Hunter* Where There Jm Much Game. 'there is a part of the American con tinent seldom visited by sportsmen, which is a hive of winter game, it offers extraordinary inducements to. the amateur shooter and a wide field for the market hunter. The chances are that it will remain for years a vast natural reserve and a place from which will come the birds to replenish an nually the decimated Hocks that win ter on waters more easily reached, says the New York Sun. The territory embraces the far-ex tending marshes of northeastern Mex ico. It is a country of lagunas, or slug gish rivulets, scarce lower than the lands through which they flow. The soil is permeated with water which seeps and trickles for miles. It grows an endless variety of food and in enormous quantities. Its ponds are in thousands. Cover is everyw here. With every advantage of climate, water and food the ducks have sought it in millions, particularly as there they are comparatively undisturbed, and the same leaders visit it year after year, taking their fresh offspring. It is known as the Lagunas district. Hail ways have dodged it as far as possible, as building through it is costly in the extreme. It lies partly in the state of C'oahnila and partly in Nuevo Leon at a distance of from 100 to 200 miles be yond the Rio Grande. The Mexicans have no game laws to speak of, because they have never needed them. They are not sportsmen as Gringos understand the term. Occa sionally one of them takes a single barreled fowling piece which came from Spain a century ago, or a musket which has drifted down from the Stales, goes out and murders a duck or two for dinner, but that is about the limit of the national shooting. Americans who have heard of the region go down in small parties, stay for a week or ten days and make enor mous bags, from which they feed themselves and as many of the natives as happen to be about, but it is not likely that the Lagunas country will be invaded in force for the next quar ter of a century. Getting irfto the neighborhood costs money and then there is a long and toilsome trip to the grounds. The heart of the Lagunas is not to be reached under 50 miles from any railway, and the adventnrer will be as apt to go by ox cart with wooden wheels as any other way. Walking is a good tleal faster and easier. Once there, however, a man may wear out his gun shooting from day light to dark if his shoulder does not wear out first and there is no migra tory northern bird which he will not find, not to mention several varieties of ducks and many varieties of birds which never come north at all. Snipe are there, woodcock, every kind of American wild duck, geese of many kinds, pelicans, bronze ibises, flamin goes and what not and in such quan tities that killing them, unless a man picks out difficult shots, becomes a monotony. There is seldom frost and never ice of more than a window pane’s thick ness. and in the winter the climate is excellent; in spring and summer it is deadly. There is. of course, no way in which the game can be shipped out, but market hunters who went down there and established a line of trans portation to the railways would make fortunes. It is a region where a boat with a swivel gnu would stock a city with game in a week. CROW CAW-CUSES. Some Pcculinrltie* Attributed to the Corn-Tlleves Are Herein Cunt ru dieted. For 40 years 1 have <een crows in winter in different parts of the coun try, passing to and fro between their rookeries and their feeding grounds, and 1 have never seen anything like leadership among them, writes John Burroughs, in Atlantic. They leave their roosting places at daybreak and disperse north and south or east and west to their feeding grounds, go ing in loose straggling bands, and si lently, except in early spring, and they return at night in the same way, flying low if it is stormy and windy, and high if it is calm, rising up or sheering off if they see a gunner or other suspicions object, bu-t making no sound, uttering no signal notes. They all have eyes equally sharp, and do not need to be warned. They are all on the alert. When feeding they do post a sentry, and he caw s when danger ap proaches,- and takes to wing. Ihey do not dart into bush when pursued by a kkig bird or a purple martin; they are not afraid of a hawk; they cannot count six, though such traditions ex ist (Silver Spot could count 30!) they do not caw when you stand under-them in winter to turn their course, they do not drill their young, they do not flock together in June; they cannot worry a fox into giving up half his dinner; •they do not., so tar as we know, have perpetual sentries; they have no calls that, so far as we know, answer to our words “Mount,” “Bunch,” “Scatter,” “Descend,” “Form Line,” “Forage”— on these and other points my observa tions differ radically from Mr. Thcrnp iOu-Sstcu’s. J. L Wartin. THE FARMING IMPI.BMTS & HAUDWARE MAN Is putting forth special effort to get MORE BUSINESS And to that end is offer ing EVERY INDUCE MENT reason could ex pect. Everything in the Farming Implement or Hardware Line to be found anywhere and of the BEST QUALITY too for LESS MONEY than you pay for an inferior grade of goods elsewhere. Y Zi Find at Martin’s The Best of everything in cook ing and heating stoves, ranges, Cutlery, Crockery, Queens ware Glassware, Wooden ware, Tinwork, Etc., Etc. Fish Wagons A LARGE and select accourt ment ot Buggies and Surries of all styles and prices, Harness, Bridles, Saddles, Collars and the like always on hand and at the LOWEST PRICE. You run NO RISK in trad ing with J. L. Martin for your MONEY IS REFUND ED if goods are not as Repres ented.