Stinrk m Bonannt,
Mouldy Mike —I’ve struck a soft
thing now. •
Dusty Dan—What’s that?
Mouldy Mike—l go inter town, an*
tell ’em I b’long to a stranded opera
company, and want ’em all to be at th*
schoolhouse at seven sharp and hear
me give a concert. They always come.
A free show draws a crowd every time.
Well, I don’t git. more’n halfway
through me best solo,“MisterDooley,”
than they begins ter throw eggs an’
cabbages an’ all sorts o’ garden pro
duce by the bushel. I just gathers it
up and slips out th’ back door. Been
livin’ like a fight in* cock all w inter. —
N. Y. Weekly.
The Boy Couldn't See It.
Office Boy —There ain’t any such
word as “gesticulate” in the diction
Chief Clerk —Nonsense! Where did
you look for it?
“Under ‘je,’ of course.
“I see, didn’t know how to spell it.”
“So a fellow f must know how to
spell a word he goes to the diction
ary to find out how’ to spell! What’re
ye givin’ us, anyhow?” Boston
A Study In Heartbreaking;*.
“I am supposed to die of a broker
heart,” said the unmanageable ac
“Now, how am I to know how a per
son with a broken heart behaves?”
“I’ll tell you what to do,” answered
the cold-blooded manager. “You s*tudy
the author of this play after he sees
your first performance of it.” —Wash-
Jn*t m Hint.
“I wish,” said Kev. Mr. Hardpan,
“that this congregation were penni
“What does he mean?” the people
whispered one to another.
“For then,” the pastor continued,
“the collection plate would not be so
nickel-less and lime-less.”. —Philadel-
“It’s a hard task this bedng a states
man,” remarked the great man, reflect
“People are hard to satisfy.”
“Very. If you have money at the end
of a term of office they wink signifi
cantly and say: T told you so,’ and if
you are poor they curl their lips and
comment on your improvident charac
ter.” —Washington Star.
Laxy Man’* Hankering.
I’d like to have a nice, scft job.
Where I could simply be
A sort of weekly visitor.
To draw my salarye;
And then, as that got burdensome
And seemed inclined to bore me.
I’d like to have some fellow paid
To go and draw' it for me!
THEN CAME RUCTION*.
“Adolphus, what shall I go to the
Gorgson’s fancy ball as?”
“Wall flower, m3' dear. Suit you
lovel\'!” —Alley Sloper.
This world is like a looking glass
Wherein one oft beholds his face;
It frowns on those who grimly pass.
But answers smiles with jovial grace.
No Eonai Here.
“No; we’re never troubled with en
nui out at my house. Our minds are
“In what way?”
“Well, I’m trying to guess what m3'
wife will say to me when I get home,
and she’s tr3'ing to guess what new
excuse I’ll have for being late.” —
A Genuine Mystery.
“My and ear,” said a wife who had been
married three years, as she beamed
across the table on ner lord and mas
ter, “tell me what first attracted 30U
to me. What pleasant characteristic
did I possess which placed me above
other women in 3’our sight?”
And her lord and master simpl3* said:
“I give it up.” —Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Jenner Lee Ondego YTmr
church is becoming dissatisfied with
the pastor? Why is that? He has
been preaching for you 15 3'ears, hasn’t
Mrs. Selldom-Holmc —Yes. That’s
the .trouble. He has begun to preach
at us, now. —Chicago Tribune.
He Alwara Seemed Tricky.
Hicks —We had a great time at t&
club last night. Sorry not to see you
Mrs. Porter (after Hicks had gone) —
Why, Charles, ycm told me you spent
the whole of last evening at the club.
Mr. Porter (with great presence of
mind) —So I did, dear. The reason
Hicks didn't see me was because he
wasn’t there himself. Trying to de
ceive his wife, probably.
Mrs. Porter —The wretch! And he
would try to rob me of the confidence
I have in you! f always did see some
thing about that man- 1 didn’t like. —
Lives of great men all remind us
That it isn’t only pluck;
We would do as well, or better,
If we only had their luck.
—N. Y. Time?.
BETWEEN DEAR FRIENDS.
Miss White —I’ve never been able to
get a good photograph of my face.
Miss Black —Let me congratulate
you.” —Chicago Daily News.
As to getting rich quick
There are warnings in plenty.
And for one of them see
Needed Some Stimulus.
Manager —I shall shortly produce a
new play called ‘The Gold-Bug,’ and
1 want you to take the part of the
“Actor —Who is he?
Manager —He is the Gold-Bug —a
Actor —Very well. Pay me my back
salary just before the curtain rise*,
and I’ll sweep the town.” —N.
A Man of Simple Taste*.
“Did you enjoy your trip abroad?”
“Yes” answered Mr. Cumrox; “but
1 must say 1 missed the kind of cook
ing I’m used to.”
“Couldn’t you get anything you
“Possibly. But you see mother and
the girls hadn’t taken the trouble to
learn the t rench for pork and beaus.
An Unfailing; Sign.
Druggist —That dyspepsia remedy
you put on the market wasn’t a suc
cess, eh ?”
Physician —Why do you think it
Druggist —Because there hasn’t been
a single imitation offered for sale. —
A lady once asked a little girl of
five if she had any brothers.
“Yes,” said the child, “I have three
“And how many sisters, my dear?”
asked the lady.
“Just one sister, and I’m it,” replied
the small girl.—Little Chronicle.
Not Quite Certain.
Crawfoot —So your son Zeke was in
love for two months. Did you notice
Stubble —It’s hard to sa3’. He didn’t
eat as much, but he used up a powerful
lot of sweet soap an’ clean linen. —Chi-
cago Daily News.
“Biggleston must have a shady
“He says something ought to be
done to curb the newspapers.” —Chi-
Von Blumer —Where’s my wife?
Dimpleton—She’s in the next room
talking with my wife about clothes.
Von Blumer —Well, then, suppose we
go and spend the evening somewhere
together. —Town Topics.
Crime Under Difficulties.
Sing Sing Sam —Wet’s de matter,
Joe? Been playin’football?
Joliet Joe —Naw! I tried ter swipe
a automobile an’ de blame ting run
away wit me.—N. Y. Herald.
G raritnde Among; Girl*.
Mildred —I should so like to do
something that would please Gertrude.
She’s been so kind to me.
Cora —Why not pretend that you’re
jealous of her? —Town Topics.
WILD FOWLS IN MEXICO.
A Corner of Our Hem I upbore Mfll
Known to Hunter* Where There
Jm Much Game.
'there is a part of the American con
tinent seldom visited by sportsmen,
which is a hive of winter game, it
offers extraordinary inducements to.
the amateur shooter and a wide field
for the market hunter. The chances
are that it will remain for years a vast
natural reserve and a place from which
will come the birds to replenish an
nually the decimated Hocks that win
ter on waters more easily reached, says
the New York Sun.
The territory embraces the far-ex
tending marshes of northeastern Mex
ico. It is a country of lagunas, or slug
gish rivulets, scarce lower than the
lands through which they flow. The
soil is permeated with water which
seeps and trickles for miles.
It grows an endless variety of food
and in enormous quantities. Its ponds
are in thousands. Cover is everyw here.
With every advantage of climate,
water and food the ducks have sought
it in millions, particularly as there
they are comparatively undisturbed,
and the same leaders visit it year after
year, taking their fresh offspring. It
is known as the Lagunas district. Hail
ways have dodged it as far as possible,
as building through it is costly in the
extreme. It lies partly in the state of
C'oahnila and partly in Nuevo Leon at
a distance of from 100 to 200 miles be
yond the Rio Grande.
The Mexicans have no game laws
to speak of, because they have never
needed them. They are not sportsmen
as Gringos understand the term. Occa
sionally one of them takes a single
barreled fowling piece which came
from Spain a century ago, or a musket
which has drifted down from the
Stales, goes out and murders a duck or
two for dinner, but that is about the
limit of the national shooting.
Americans who have heard of the
region go down in small parties, stay
for a week or ten days and make enor
mous bags, from which they feed
themselves and as many of the natives
as happen to be about, but it is not
likely that the Lagunas country will
be invaded in force for the next quar
ter of a century. Getting irfto the
neighborhood costs money and then
there is a long and toilsome trip to the
The heart of the Lagunas is not to
be reached under 50 miles from any
railway, and the adventnrer will be as
apt to go by ox cart with wooden
wheels as any other way. Walking is
a good tleal faster and easier.
Once there, however, a man may
wear out his gun shooting from day
light to dark if his shoulder does not
wear out first and there is no migra
tory northern bird which he will not
find, not to mention several varieties
of ducks and many varieties of birds
which never come north at all. Snipe
are there, woodcock, every kind of
American wild duck, geese of many
kinds, pelicans, bronze ibises, flamin
goes and what not and in such quan
tities that killing them, unless a man
picks out difficult shots, becomes a
There is seldom frost and never ice
of more than a window pane’s thick
ness. and in the winter the climate is
excellent; in spring and summer it is
deadly. There is. of course, no way in
which the game can be shipped out,
but market hunters who went down
there and established a line of trans
portation to the railways would make
fortunes. It is a region where a boat
with a swivel gnu would stock a city
with game in a week.
Some Pcculinrltie* Attributed to the
Corn-Tlleves Are Herein
Cunt ru dieted.
For 40 years 1 have <een crows in
winter in different parts of the coun
try, passing to and fro between their
rookeries and their feeding grounds,
and 1 have never seen anything like
leadership among them, writes John
Burroughs, in Atlantic. They leave
their roosting places at daybreak
and disperse north and south or east
and west to their feeding grounds, go
ing in loose straggling bands, and si
lently, except in early spring, and
they return at night in the same way,
flying low if it is stormy and windy,
and high if it is calm, rising up or
sheering off if they see a gunner or
other suspicions object, bu-t making no
sound, uttering no signal notes. They
all have eyes equally sharp, and do not
need to be warned. They are all on the
alert. When feeding they do post
a sentry, and he caw s when danger ap
proaches,- and takes to wing. Ihey
do not dart into bush when pursued by
a kkig bird or a purple martin; they
are not afraid of a hawk; they cannot
count six, though such traditions ex
ist (Silver Spot could count 30!) they
do not caw when you stand under-them
in winter to turn their course, they do
not drill their young, they do not flock
together in June; they cannot worry
a fox into giving up half his dinner;
•they do not., so tar as we know, have
perpetual sentries; they have no calls
that, so far as we know, answer to our
words “Mount,” “Bunch,” “Scatter,”
“Descend,” “Form Line,” “Forage”—
on these and other points my observa
tions differ radically from Mr. Thcrnp
J. L Wartin.
THE FARMING IMPI.BMTS
& HAUDWARE MAN
Is putting forth special
effort to get
And to that end is offer
ing EVERY INDUCE
MENT reason could ex
Everything in the Farming
Implement or Hardware Line
to be found anywhere and of
the BEST QUALITY too for
LESS MONEY than you pay
for an inferior grade of goods
Y Zi Find at Martin’s
The Best of everything in cook
ing and heating stoves, ranges,
Cutlery, Crockery, Queens
ware Glassware, Wooden ware,
Tinwork, Etc., Etc.
A LARGE and select accourt
ment ot Buggies and Surries of
all styles and prices, Harness,
Bridles, Saddles, Collars and
the like always on hand and
at the LOWEST PRICE.
You run NO RISK in trad
J. L. Martin
for your MONEY IS REFUND
ED if goods are not as Repres
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