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The Deacon’s Climax.
"Yes,” said Deacon Sluckup, “the works of Providence are manifold. The omnipotence of the Almighty is seen in all things, great and small, high ■nd low. The good Lord, who made the great mountains, made the small ■et insect that crawls over them; the T°°d Lord, who made the mighty ocean, made the smallest fish that twims in it; the good Lord, who made man, the greatest of His works, made the smallest flower of the field. The (good Lord, brethren, who made me, made a daisy!”—N. Y. Times. The Political Job. The officeholders often shirk Their work from day to day. ‘They’ll kick and howl at overwork. But not at overpay. —Philadelphia Ledger. JUST A TRIPLE CURIOUS. Mr. Cock-Sparrow—Well, Pecky, my boy, did you catch the last train last night? Mr. Hen Peck —No —But I caught the first one this morning!—Ally Sloper. Ilovr He Won Her. She vowed through life she’d travel alone. In sunshine and in stormy weather; Anew automobile he purchased next day, Now they travel as they auto—together. —Cincinnati Enquirer. Johnnie’s Guess. Teacher (who has had to tell John rny nearly all his lessons) —What did I tell you a shepherd is? Johnny—One who tends sheep. Teacher —That is right. Now’ see If you can tell me what a coward is? Johnny (hopeftilly) One who tends cows! —Boston Globe. The Only Infallible Way. “George, don’t forget to mail this letter. What can I do to prevent your carrying it around with you for a week or more?” “Mail it yourself, my dear.”—Cleve land Plain Dealer. The Cost. Willie —Penelope says her married life with the count is one grand, sweet song. Percy—Yes; but her father must think he’s supporting a grand opera. —Judge. Consumed by Envy. Brute —There goes a man whom I envy; and, curious as it may seem, he -envies me. Friend —How* can that be? Brute —We were both after the same woman —and I married her. —Tit-Bits. A Careful Porter. Owner —See here! You want to handle that trunk more carefully. Porter —I’ll look out for it. sir. I know a man who let one fall on his toes last month, an’ he ain’t out of the hospital yet. —Town and Country. On t n u m her ed. When a man’s will is Stubbornly fixed, he Finds that the woman has Fifty or sixty. —Baltimore News. NOT GOING. "No, Jimmie, I am not going to Mag gie Mulligan’s party! The Mulligans ain’t in our set, an’ I don’t like Maggie, an* I’ve got nuthin’ to wear, an’ be sides, I ain’t been invited, anyhow!”— .Louisville Courier-Journal. The End of the Route. A rapid youth of reckless guile Was joyous Jeremiah. Be drove “red devils” for awhile. Then took the “Black Maria.” Sta* Had Time to Kill. “I trust, Miss Sharpleigh,” said young Borem, as he prepared to get a move on himself after a prolonged stay, “that I haven’t taken up too much of your valuable time.” “Oh, not at all, Mr. Borem, not at all,” replied the fair heroine of the sketch. “Thei time>you have* taken up has been of no value to me whatever.” Whereupon he went forth into the midnight atmosphere and w’andered slowly down the street, thinking ter rific thoughts.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Genuine Sympathy. Lady—You look ill. Shopgirl—l have been, but am bet ter now. The doctor said it was ner vous prostration, from trying so hard to smile and look pleasant when I did not feel like it. Lady—l can sympathize with you. I know all about it. Shopgirl—Have you ever worked In a shop. Lady—Worse. I’ve moved in soci ety.—Tit-Bits. Not Encouraging:. “Do you know 7 ,” remarked the pes simist, “I think I have experienced every kind of hard luck on the list except hanging?” “Well, you shouldn't be discour aged,” rejoined the optimist. “Re member the old adage, ‘While there is life there is hope.’ ” —Cincinnati Enquirer. A Ueginning. “Do you think that our boy will ever make a great financier?” asked Mrs. Corntossel. “I dunno,” was the answer. “If he’s as industrious at gettin’ money from the general public as he is at gettin’ it from me, I reckon he’ll be right up with the Rockefellers.” Washing ton Star. i Comforted. “Can yonr husband afford to play poker?” “I asked him that the other day,” answered young Mrs. Torkins, said the game owes him so much money that he can’t afford not to play it. It’s a great comfort to know 7 that Charley is so businesslike.”—Washing ton Star. Another. There was a little girl And she had a little curl Just w'her© the maiden had it in the fable; It hung there through the day. But I’ve heard her brother say That at night its place was on the dresa- Ing-table. —N. Y. Times. KNEW HER VALUES. “Elsa, I’m glad to hear of your en gagement! 1 congratulate you,” “Excuse me, dear —you should rath er congratulate him!” —Simplicissi* mus. Misplaced Affection. She kissed him and caressed him. But ’twas not what he desired; He only looked at her and growled— For she made the poor pug tired. —Cincinnati Enquirer. On the Safe Side. “It seems to me,” remarked the cus tomer as she watched the man at the market trim.the slice of ham she had bought, “you are wasting a good deal of that meat.” “Not at all, madam,” he said, genial ly; “I weighed it first.” —Tit-Bits. The Acme of Realism. Manager —What excuse have you for drawing your play out into nine acts? Author Well, you see, the herq gets tangled up in a lawsuit in th® first act. —Cincinnati Enquirer. The Angel** Characteristic*. Beryl—l understand that Charlie Pnoodles told you I was an angel. Sibyl—Well, he did say that you were rather “fly” and always kept harping away.—Baltimore Herald. Business Improving. Jimson —Any change for the better in your line of business? Bilson Y-e-s, it’s been several weeks since we’ve had a bill collector starve to death. —N. Y. Weekly. The Reason Why. He —Why* is it a woman *vill never listen* to reason? She —Because she knows there is no truth in a man’s. — Brooklyn Life, AUTOCRACY OF RUSSIAN LIFE. Present Strenuous Conditions of th Czar's Domain Are Due to Ancient Causes. From the earliest times until within the last century and a half Russia was almost continually subject to foreign invasion, according to the Chautau quan. Wave after wave of barbarians from the great northern plains of Asia dashed against the Muscovite state and several times completely over whelmed it. There were no means of protection—no lofty mountains, no in accessible fastnesses, no streams diffi cult of passage. There was not even stone or other material to construct walls or castles for defense. The inevitable tendency under such circumstances was for the of the Muscovite princes over their sub jects to be greatly augmented. The people looked to the princes for pro tection, in return for which they un dertook to serve in the army, pay large taxes and in other ways strengthen the princes’ position. It so happened that in this business of defending the peo ple against the depredations of the marauders the princes of Moscow were more successful than any others. And it was for this reason chiefly that the princes of Moscow’ attained a prestige surpassing that of all the oth ers and eventually became the head of the Russian state. In the great struggle to throw off the Mongol yoke in the fifteenth century the people were quite willing to commit the most absolute power into the hands of the grand prince of Moscow, for they knew that every resource and prerogative at his command would be needed for the achievement of the task. What ever would strengthen the prince’s po sition whs considered desirable, what ever would weaken it deleterious. Thus the Russians, who in very early times had' republican government in their petty city states, accustomed themselves for the sake of their na tional deliverance to autocracy. SOME PANAMA PROBLEMS. Regulation of the Chnures River In One of the Most Difficult in View. There are three leading problems in the building of the Panama canal, ac cording to a writer in the National Magazine. The first is the great cut ting through the Culebra hills. The second problem is the regulation of the Chagres river, which crosses the canal 11 times. It is a torrential stream, liable to overflow its bthiks at any lime of the year. To obviate this difficulty, a gigantic reservoir will be built near the Culebra cut to hold the overflow of the Chagres and its many tribu taries. This dam will be 20 miles long and 200 feet deep, and the foundations of its mighty sea walls will sink into the earth 88 feet deeper than the cais sons of the Brooklyn bridge. No such engineering feat has ever been done by man. The third great problem is the ques tion of health. Smallpox and yellow fever have at times broken out at Panama, and this has given the public the impression that these dread pests are indigenous to the isthmus. But this is positively not the case. It is said that during the construction of the Panama railroad, for every tie laid down a human life was given up, but this is one of those romantic lies which everybody likes to read, but few be lieve. There were indeed a great many deaths, some caused by legitimate dis ease and some by careless living and many by drinking a native beverage called ron. This liquor is made from sugar cane, and it is such a drink that the Scotch highball is pink lemonade alongside of it. Taken in small qaun tities it prevents malaria, but taken in copious draughts, as some men use it, it produces life everlasting. Dining; in the Futnre. The host sat at the head of the table, surrounded by the various food-con densing devices. “Light or dark meat. Mr. Smith?” “Light, if you please.” “A little of the gravy?” “Avery little thank you.” “Cranberry sauce, of course?” “Please.” The host pressed three buttons and turned a crank. “Tea or coffee. Mr. Smith ?” asked the hostess, from the other end of the table. “Coffee.” The hostess pulled a lever. Then a servant came with a tray and carried Mr. Smith his tabloid, which he sw allowed at once, since it was not deemed good form to wait till the oth ers were served. —Detroit Free Press. A Melancholy Joke. “I wonder why crape is the emblem of sorrow?” asked the handsome young widow’. “Probably because three feet of it make a graveyard,” replied the savage old bachelor—Cincinnati Enquirer. Qneen Alexandra’s Epigram. “It is a pity,’i said Queen Alexandra to the late bishop cl London one day, “that woipen are not as devoted to the birds in the air as they are to ihe birds in tVeir hats.”—'Chicago Inter Ocs*n. Didn't Get Thronorh. They are laughing in Washington over • rebuke that a sentry of one of the de- Jmrtments administered recently to the lussian ambassador's coachman. The coachman, it appears, wished to drive his master’s carriage along a road way that for some reason was barred. When the sentry refused to let the car riage pass, the coachman remon-strated; “I drive,” he said, “ze Russian min ister.” “I can't help it,” returned the pen try. “Let me Brough,” persisted the coach man. “My master is ze Count Cassini, ze ambassador extraordinary and minis ter plenipotentiary of ze czar of all ze Russians.” “Frenchy,” said the sentry,” “I wouldn’t let you through even if your master was a free-born American citizen.”—Boston Post. Expectations of a Windfall—“ Dear,” said the physician's wife, “when can you let me have ten dollars?” “Well,” replied the medical man, “I hope to cash a draft shortly and then—” “Cash a draft? What draft?” “The one I saw Mrs. Jenk ins sitting in this morning.”—Philadelphia Ledger. Not Qualified. Young Lawyer—Madam, you need some one to lake care of your property and pro tect your interests. She —Young man. I’ve just got married. “Yes. 1 know your husband.”—Detroit Free Press. Unde Reuben says; “I reckon dat most men aim to speak de truth, but at de same time dey am willin’ to make most any sort of promise an’ trust to luck about car ryin’ ’in\ out.” —Detroit Free Press. society woman of Jacksonville, Fla., daughter of Recorder of Deeds, West, says: “ There are but few wives and mothers who have not at times en dured agonies and such pain as only women know of. I wish such women knew the value of Lydia E. Pink ham’s Vegetable Compound. It is a remarkable medicine, different in action from amy other I ever knew and thoroughly reliable. “ I have seen cases where women doctored for years without permanent benefit who were cured in less than three months after taking your Vege table Compound, while others who were chronic and incurable came out cured, happy, and in perfect health after a thorough treatment with this medicine. I have never used it myself without gaining great benefit. A few doses restores my strength and appetite, and tones up the entire system. Your medicine has been tried and found true, hence I fully endorse it.” —Mrs. R. A. Anderson, 235 Wash ington St., Jacksonville, Fla. —ssooo forfeit if original of above testimonial proving genu insncas'Cannot be produced. Tbe experience and testimony of some of the most noted women of America go to prove, beyond a question, that Lydia E. Pink ham’s Vegetable Compound will correct all such trouble at once by removing the cause, and re storing the organs to a healthy and normal condition. Save Your Baby! SaveTourßaby! The most dreaded time in baby’s life is the period when it begins teething; which causes diarrhoea, summer complaint and all kinds of bowel troubles ! Just the critical period of its life, when it should be looked after —all care be given to prevent such troubles, McGEE’S BABY ELIXIR— Just as good in winter as summer; contains no opium or poisons of any kind ; can be given the most deli cate baby without harm. Also recommended to delicate women for sick stomach. Pleasant to take. Guaranteed to cure. Price, 25 and 50c. PROFIT BY OTHERS’ EXPERIENCE The Mayfield Medicine Mfg. Cos., St. Louis, Mo. Dear Sirs : We consider it our duty to write you a few lines, telling you what relief our child received by using Baby Elixir. Our baby suffered all summer with summer complaint and teething. She was under the doctor’s treatment two months, but she grew worse all the time —was so poor and weak could scarcely walk. We were ad vised to try McGee’s Baby Elixir, so we did, but without faith, at first. After using one bottle she was improving, when we had used five bottles she was completely cured ; she can now eat and digest anything. We advise all parents to use Baby Elixir—that is guaranteed. Respectfully, E. P. & S. E. FUGUA. ARM I STEAD’S tonic and is a Great TONER UI3II EL IIfRI If B to the SYSTEM. w ■■ ■ W ■W ■ W. M. AKIN & SON, Proprietors, Evansville, Indiana. USE DR. BIGGERS’ nature's greatest Southern Remedy, Curea Children taethinir, Choleramorbus, Diar- Dysentery and all Stomach Troubles. & At Won Ml Need It. Banks —The officiating clergyman is the bride's father. Banks —I understand that he retired % very large fee from tiie groom. “He did; but it won’t last the nrmietep very long, as the young couple are gang td live with him."-“Judge. CUTICURA OINTMENT Purest of Emollients ant Greatest of Skin Cures. The Most Wonderful Curative of Ainime For Torturing, Disfiguring Skin Humours And Purest and Sweetest of Toilet Emollients. Cutlcura Ointment Is beyond question the most successful curative for tortur ing, dlsflguringhumours of the skin and scalp, including loss of hair, ever compounded, in proof of which a single anointing preceded by a hot bath with Cuticura Soap, and followed In the severer cases, by a dose of Cutl cura Resolvent, is often sufficient to afford immediate relief in the most distressing forms of itching, burning and scaly humours, permit rest and sleep, and point to a speedy cure when all other remedies fail. It is especially so in the treatment of infants and chil dren, cleansing, soothing and healing the most distressing of Infantile hu mours, and preserving, purifying and beautifying the skin, scalp and hair. Cuticura Ointment possesses, at tha same time, the charm of satisfying tha simple wants of the toilet, in caring for the skin, scalp, hair, bands and feet, from infancy to age, far more effect ually, agreeably and economically than the most expensive of toilet emollients. 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