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SISTER'S BEAU. ll* f ■ \ i ui^^. Please, Mr. Downy, if you'll give me a lock of your hair to make a paint brush wif I'll paint your portrait in my book. —Chicago Journal. One Thing He Didn’t Show. “Now,” said the pert salesman, sar castically. as he started to put back the rolls of silk, “can't you think of something more I might show you, ma’am?” “Yes,” replied the shopper, “but I don’t think you have it.” “What is it?” “More courtesy.”—Tit-Bits. A Good Definition. Teacher —What is the ninth command ment? Small Johnny—Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Teacher—What is meant by bearing false witness against a neighbor? Small Johnny—lt’s when nobody does anything and somebody goes and tells It —Cincinnati Enquirer. The Theory. “Deacon,” said the minister after the congregation had been dismissed, “how do you account for the unusually poor collection this morning?” “Well, parson,” replied the deacon, “the only way I can account for it is that the people have decided to pay ac cording to the sermons delivered.”— Cincinnati Enquirer. .NEEDED IT. Mr. Latours—My dearsh (hie), 1 had to work late (hie) on my books to (hie) get my balance. Mrs. Latours —Such a pity you didn’t bring it home with you.—Chicago Daily News. Believer, **Tou cannot eat your cake/’ They say, “and have it, too.” And since I took an ocean trip I believe the saying’s true, —Chicago Daily News. Sizing Him Up. “Pardon me,” said the seedy-looking man, who was laboring over a letter in the hotel writing room, “but can you tell me how to spell ‘temporarily’?” “Certainly,” replied his shrewd neigh bor, giving the desired information, “and the other word is ‘e-m-b-a-r-r - Press. A Brother. "Marie,” he cried, passionately, as he threw himself at the feet of the rich widow, “will you be my wife?” “Yes, John,” she murmured, putting her arms about his neck. “It means the sacrifice of my fortune, for ray income from my late husband’s estate ceases at my second marriage; but my love for you is such ” “Marie, I cannot accept the sacrifice? It is too much! I will boa brother to you!”—Smith’s Weekly. One Is Bad Enough. The Wife —Bigamy Is a cruel crime which ought to be severely punished. Tho Bachelor Friend —Serve the beg gar right to make him live in a small house with both women. The Husband (shuddering)—What 0 horrible idea! If you had been a max ried man, you would never have sug gested anything so brutal. —Ally Slopei* The Condition. To be a college president Requires no learned toll; You need not delve in ancient Greece; Get next to Standard Oil. —Brooklyn Life. DIDN’T NEED TO ASK. *1 hop© you didn’t ask for more cak it Mrs. Moxby’s, Tommy.” “No’m, I didn’t have to. The plat* was so near me that I could help my* self.” —Boston Globe. ' All He Felt, Mrs. Annteek —Wo haven't a pieci of furniture that is less than 100 years old. That bed you siept in last nighl is 130 years old. Mr. Newman —You must have taken good care of it. It didn’t seem to me that it had ever seen more than lour springs.—Brooklyn Life. What He Learned. “Do you think that religion and politics can be made to harmonize?” “Yes,” answered the man who had consented to become a candidate. “The first thing I learned from the cam paign managers is that it is more blessed to give than to receive.” — Washington Star. Just So. “Well, I went to church this morn ing,” said the patent-churn man, on a recent Sabbath. “Your pastor is a very dogmatic man, isn’t he?” “Just tollably so,” returned the land lord of the tavern at Polkville, Ark. “He owns only about ten or ’leven ol ’em.” —Puck. No Choice in the Matter. “And the charity is supported by vol untary contributions?” “Why,” said the clergyman, “I can’t say that it is exactly. The fact is thal some of the ladies on our committee ar< so persuasive and so persistent that peo ple just have to contribute.” —Brooklyr Life. Heredity. Binks —Speaking of heredity, do }Ol remember Fo-nrster, who bought sonu wild land and turned it into a farm? Winks —Yes; he was the inventor o a very effective stump puller. Binks —Just so. Well, his son is t ! very successful dentist. —N Y. Week 1* JAP SOLDIERS WELL FED. % Stories of Their Abstemiousness Are Legendary, Says This Authority. The Japanese soldier cats three meals a day, and his vaunted abstemiousness i a legend. In former times he was sat isfied with a little rice, but now his ap petite has increased enormously, says a Tokio tetter to the Cologne Gazette. He rarely gets prepared rice; the custom is to give him cooked rice with decor ticated grain, which, by the way, he likes less than pure rice. This diet is pre scribed to increase his physical strength, and to cnard him against beriberi. At present the Jap soldier is served with fish and meat. For breaklast he ha boiled corn and rice, bean soup ant preserved vegetables. For dinner he har fish, meat, boiled rice and corn, and cooked vegetables. For supper the menu of the dinner is repeated. Consequent!} the Jap soldier sleeps comfortably. In addition to this, he has the privi lege of buying bread at the canteen. It is generally white bread, which he calls pan. He hates black bread, or kurapan, as he calls It. He can also procure at the canteen a sort of sweet biscuit. Katapan, about as large as the palm of the hand and as thick as the little linger. The canteen is run by the corporals and under officers, who have the same fare as the soldiers. Rice, wine and beer can be also had at the canteen. On New Year’s day, the anni versary of the foundation of the empire, and on the birthday of the Mikado, the troops get carefully prepared rations, including a cake of soft rice, a white cake and a red cake and katapans, in addi tion. of course, to the usual fare. So it appears that fish, meat, rice and corn form the nourishment of the Japanese soldiers, a nourishment far superior to that of the ordinary Jap. In the bar racks the soldier sleeps in a wooden bed with woolen covering. In time of war. on the day of mob ilization, the Jap trooper receives a red bed covering. In his sack, which has many little pockets, he carries dry crushed rice and salted prunes. He has a bamboo tube filled with water. The company wagon carries, in addition to dried vegetables, dried fish, preserved meat, chajou (extract of beans), wine and cigarettes. The troop has a cooking stove, said to be made of pressed paper, rendered Incombustible through some chemical process. It is carried in the haversack. They use a great deal of paper in the Japanese army. The winter underclothing of the troops is made of waterproof paper. On the march the man carries only his rifle, his cartridges, his crushed rice. The coolies, Chinese and Corean, carry the rest far in the rear. The bivouacs are arranged in a man ner to procure the greatest possible com fort. The officers and men are supplied with furniture made of braided straw, camp beds and carpets. For the generals regular little houses are set up in short order. A great number of women fol low the army, Thev cook the meals for Uie soldiers, and care for the wounded. Among them are many Chinese. The war mail now organized for the first time, renders excellent service. The soldier is forbidden to mention the reg iment to which he belongs or the place from which he starts. He can write from the field of battle, but without In dicating the locality or giving the date. The military administration attends to the work of transmitting the replies. Improved by Whipping. Spain is about to abolish bull fighting. No country in the world has changed so much in the last six years as Spain. The effect of the prompt and unequivocal defeat administered to her navy by the United States has been high ly beneficial to the nation. Her people ao longer stand against a wall and whine. The loss of their colonies has proved an incentive to the development of the resources of the peninsula. The low ering of the traditional Spanish pride has induced inhabitants of city and country to work as never before since the Roman invasion. —Pittsburg Dis patch. Japanese In Battle. I saw tw'o soldiers w'ho were pretty badly shot; one of them had at least three bullet woundr. The only thought of these men seemed to be to conceal their wounds. Thev hurried into the thick of the fray, and upon them was that thievish air wmch you some times catch in a bad boy or a man who is hounded —the air which seemed so ill at east on the face of a Nippon sol dier, and so striking, too, because so rare. They were frightened, these fel lows who laughed in the face of death, lest they might be caught by the hos pital corps.—Leslie’s Monthly. In Proper Form. Old Friend—So you have at last con sented to marry someone. How did it happen? Miss Flippant—Well, every man that has ever proposed before has said: “Will you be my wife ?*’ But Harold asked if he might have the honor of being my husband.—Detroit Free Press. Lamb’s Wool. “When a person’s wool gathering .hat means he’s lazy, doesn't it, pa?" “Not necessarily, my son. He may be gathering the wool off the lambs i&Wali street”— Philadelphia Ledger. The Proper Name The Dktghtcr—No, mother, dear, I could not many Mr. Smith; he squint*. The Mother—My dear girl, a man who has SIOO,OOO a year may be affected with a slight optical indecision—but a squint, never. —London Taller. Physicians assert that disease in spread by the saloon free lunch. The doctors ap fmrently do not understand that no man s entitled to sample the free lunch until he has bought a germkiller.—Washington Post. The next legislature is expected to take cognizance that trains going in opposite di rections on a tingle track are not to be passed lightly.—Kansas City Star. They who Kay that beautifying ia fool ish dispute their owu eyea—Chicago Rec ord-Herald. — - The population of London increases by 70,000 annually. ■ The letters of Miss Merkley, whose pic-1 ture is printed above, and Miss Claussen, prove beyond question that thousands of cases of inflammation of the ovaries and womb are annually pured by the use of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. “ Deaf. Mrs. Pinkham:—Gradual loss of strength and nerve force told me something was radically wrong with me. I had severe shooting pains thro light the pelvic organs, cramps and extreme irritation com pelled me to seek medical advice. The doctor said that I had ovarian trouble and ulceration, and advised an operation. I strongly objected to this and decided to try Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. I soon found that my judgment was correct, and that all the good things said about this medicine were true, and day by day I felt less pain and increased appetite. The ulceration soon healed, and the other complications disappeared and in eleven weeks I was once more strong and vigorous and perfectly well. 4i My heartiest thanks are sent to you for the great good you hav done me.” —Sincerely yours, Miss Margaret Merkley, 275 Third St, Milwaukee, Wis. Hiss Claussen Saved from a Surgical Operation. <* S 44 Dear Mrs. Pinkham: —It seems to me that all the endorsements that I have read of the value of Lydia E. Pinkham’s Compound do not express one-half of the virtue the great medicine really possesses. I know that it saved my life and I want to give the credit where it belongs. I suf fered with ovarian trouble for five years, had three operations and spent hundreds of dollars on doc tors and medicines but this did not cure mo u However, what doctors and medicines failed to do, Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com pound did. Twenty bottles restored me to per fect health and I feel sure that had I known of ita ... w value before,and let the doctors alone, I would; ’ Lave been spared all the pain and expense that, fruitless operations cost me. If the women who are suffering, and • the doctors do not help them, will try Lydia E. Pmkhams Vese-. table Compound, they will not be disappointed with the results. Arts. Claba M. Claussen, 1307 Penn SL, Kansas City, Mo. ▲ FORFEIT if we cannot forthwith produce the original letter* and signatora* of y ennn * ™ ******* wm I***. IFOR w Blot on California. They were discussing the charm* of th# California climate. “I never knew but two persona who could resist the wiles of that delightful land," one of the company said, “and they were a mother and daughter from the Hub. Thejij came to Pasadena while we were there, and they stayed just two days. One of ua chanced to express surprise at their brief sojourn, and the older woman explained: r ‘ ‘it is beautiful here, of course, Wa realize that. But, after all, it is so far from Boston!’ “And they went that very day."—N. Y. Sun. Do not believe Piao'a Cure for Constnnpi cion has an equal for coughe and colda.—J, F. Bo*er, Trinity Springs, Ind., Feb. 15.1900. Faithful Friend. Jobbs —I stood by my friend Bill the laat time ne got in trouble. Dobbs —Ye; I heard you were the beat man. —Chicago Journal.