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The Tupelo Journal
PUBLISHED WBEKLT. TUPELO. » t I MISSISSIPPI. Wireless telegraphy has been win ning victories that have made It fa mous the world over. Daily health hint: Do not attempt to dispute the right of way with a deter mined woman armed with a hat pin. "Alligator" is merely another form of the Spanish "el lagarto," the lizard. Shakespeare classed the alligator as a fish. The wireless heroes are having poetry in bulk written about them. But that Is among the penalties of all greatness. The spelling reformers have put out another list of mangled words. Where Is the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to the English Language? The management of the steam roads entering Paris is considering a prop osition to electrify all lines for some considerable distance into the suburbs. During the year ending last month there were 485 new electric plants put into operation in the United States, Canada and Mexico, which makes the total 5,498. Funny thing about our withdrawal from Cuba is that the new republic is now able to have all the cock fights and bull fights it wants, and we don't dare to say a word. If these men who pretend to deter mine the height of mountains keep varying the figures, some of them are likely to prove scientifically that Pike's Peak is a hole in the ground. A Wisconsin woman who broke her arm set it herself. Next thing the pub lic hears from a woman of such self resource as this will be that she closely examined a cut on the back of her neck. "Aerogram" is a fairly good word. It signifies wireless message. Science has added many words to the lan guage within the last few years. A Rip Van Winkle, returning to-day, after 20 years' sleep, would have much to learn in the way of common speech. A young woman passenger rescued from the Republic wore a cloak over her night dress and shoes without stockings, but clasped tightly in her hands a bunch of violets that she had lingered long enough to save. Con sider the possible romance involved in that incident! Boxes for cigar and cigarette ends have been placed in Berlin cafes and public buildings by a charity organi zation, and enough money is expected from the sale of this class of refuse to feed and clothe 1,728 children dur ing the winter months. What becomes of the stumps is a secret fortunately kept from the smokers. The regents of the University of Minnesota have ordained that all con tracts with members of k the faculty shall expire when teachers reach their sixty-fifth birthday. Next June, it is said, half a dozen old gentlemen will call the class roll for the last time, un less they have before followed the ex ample of their president, Dr. Northrop, and sent in their resignations. Lord Northciiffe, the great English newspaper proprietor, was so im pressed by the attractiveness of the gray squirrels in American parks that he took home a number of pairs to be liberated in England. If he is per mitted to land them it may still hap pen that in a country where they are strangers, and where, therefore, their natural enemies have not developed, they may become as great a nuisance as the English sparrow here and the rabbit in Australia. Transplanting animals is always somewhat risky. IjrUVerilIIItrilL tAJJCi XIH^IILO III αν BU1VC the problem of preventing explosions in coal mines. If human care and fore thought will only co-operate with sci ence in the great art of prevention, un avoidable accidents will be reduced to an appreciable minimum. But the first element of the combination is the one on which least reliance can be placed. The tendency of human nature, re marks the Boston Herald, to take chances rather than to take trouble is the hardest obstacles which pre ventive science will ever have to over come. Lawyers and physicians in New York are trying to bring about legisla tion which will do away or at least minimize the evils of the so-called "ex pert" testimony at trials. Experience shows that expert evidence practically serves no other end at present than to impede justice and cause delays at once useless and expensive to the state, as both sides can provide "ex perts" to give diametrically opposite testimony, until the practice has be come a legal nuisance, if not some thing of a scandal in the administra tion of justice. "Remember the Maine" has now been changed to "Remove the Maine." An artist who left Philadelphia 40 years ago to make name and fortune for himself has returned to this coun try from Paris at the age of 60 to marry the sweetheart of his youth, she having obligingly waited for him. He told her he would not return until he had succeeded, from which it may be assumed that he considered it more desirable for her to marry the artist than the man. But oh, how slow those Philadelphians are! Death from starvation was the^ver dict at a Shoreditch (England) inquest on a woman match seller named Up ton, aged 64. Her husband said he was 81, and they had only 30 cents a v»eek to live on. In an article on the danger of long hours in druggists' shops Hygienische Zeitschrift says that during the four years ending July, 1907, 13 dispensing assistants in German drug stores com mitted suicide and seven others at tempted, but failed, to kill tbem eelves. INAUGURAL DELIVERED BY NATION'S NEW CHIEF EXECUTIVE. EXTRA SESSION IS PROMISED Congress Will Meet March 15 to Take Up Tariff Revision—Adequate Army and Navy Urged—Panama Canal Heartily Approved—Southern Race Problem and Labor Legislation Discussed. Washington, Mar. 4. — President Taft, having been sworn in as chief executive of the nation, delivered an inaugural address that was listened to with great Interest. In part it was as follows: My Fellow Citizens: Any one who takes the oath I have just taken must feel a heavy weight of responsibility. If not, he has no conception of the powers and duties of the office upon which he la about to enter, or he is lackhjg in a proper sense of the obli gation which the oath imposes. The office of an inaugural addreBS is to give a summary outline of the main policies of the new administra tion, so far as they can be anticipated. I have had the honor to be one of the advisers of my distinguished prede cessor, and as such, to hold up his hands in the reforms he has initiated. I should be untrue to myself, to my promises and to the declaration of the party platform upon which I am elected to office, if I did not make the maintenance and enforcement of those reforms n most, important feature of my administration. They were di rected to the suppression of the law lessness and abuses of power of the ereat combinations of canital invested In railroads and in industrial enter prises carrying on interstate com merce. The steps which my predec sor took and the legislation passed on his recommendation have accom plished much, have caused a general halt in the vicious policies which cre ated popular alarm, and have brought about in the business affected a much higher regard for existing law. More Legislation Needed. To render the reforms lasting, how ever, and to secure at the same time freedom from alarm on the part of those pursuing proper and progres sive business methods, further legisla tive and executive action are needed. Relief of the railroads from certain re strictions of the anti-trust law has been urged by my predecessor and will be urged by me. On the other hand, the administration is pledged to legis lation looking to a proper federal su pervision and restriction to prevent ex cessive issues of bonds and stocks by companies owning and operating inter state commerce railroads. I hope to be able to submit at the first regular session of the incoming congress, in December next, definite suggestiens in respect to the needed amendments to the anti-trust and the Interstate commerce laws; and the changes required in the executive de partments concerned in their enforce ment. Promises Extra Session. A matter of most pressing impor tance is the revision of the tariff. In accordance with the promises of the platform upon which I was elected, I shall call congress into extra session, to meet on the fifteenth day of March, in order that consideration may be at once given to a bill revising the Ding ley act. This should secure an ade quate revenue and adjust the duties in such a manner as to afTord to labor and to all industries in this country, whether of the farm, mine or factory, protection by tariff equal to the dif ference between the cost of production abroad and the cost of production uctc, auu nu. τ c a JJIUV IS1UI1 WI11CI1 shall put into force, upon executive determination of certain facts, a high er or maximum tariff against those countries whose trade policy toward us equitably requires such discrimi nation. It is thought that there has been such a change in conditions since the enactment of the Dingley act, drafted on a similarly protective prin ciple, that the measure of the tariff above stated will permit the reduction of rates in certain schedules and will require the advancement of few, if any. Money Needed for Big Projects. The putting into force of laws which shall secure the conservation of our resources, so far as they may be with in the jurisdiction of the federal gov ernment, including the most impor tant work of saving and restoring our forests, and the general improvement of waterways, are all proper govern ment functions which must involve large expenditure if properly per formed. While some of them, like the reclamation of arid lands, are made to pay for themselves, others are of such an indirect benefit that this can DIRT MAKES 8AILORS DESERT. "Fighting Bob" Discusses the Horrors of the Dry Dock. With the ships crowded into the navy yards for repairs, the officers and 'men found their surroundings most uncomfortable. As many as possible were sent on leave, but the remaining ones had a hard time of it, says Rear Admiral Evans in Hampton's Broad way Magazine. Above all things, an American bluejacket likes a clean place to eat, a clean place to sleep and a chance to keep himself clean and smart; in other words, he loves a clean ship, and he Is unhappy if tie cannot have it. That these conditions should always prevail on a vessel of war goes without say ing, but it is a fact, which none can deny, that thsy do not exist on a ves sel under repairs at a navy yard; the conditions are such as to render clean j liness and comfort impossible. A ship goes to the navy yard spick and span--everything clean and neat, and the men happy and coatented ; then a gang of workmen in dirty over ■ not be expected of them. A perma nent improvement, like the Panama canal, should be treated as a distinct enterprise, and should be paid for by the proceeds of bonds, the issue of which will distribute its cost between the present and future generations in accordance with the benefits derived. It may well be submitted to the eerl ous consideration of congress whether the deepening and control of the chan nel of a great river system, like that of the Ohio or of the Mississippi, when definite and practical plans for the enterprise have been approved and determined upon, should not be pro vided for in the same way. For Army and Navy. Then, too, there are expenditures of government absolutely necessary 1Γ our country is to maintain its proper place among the nations of the world, and is to exercise its proper Influence in defense of its own trade interests, in the maintenance of traditional American policy against the coloniza tion of European monarchies in this hemisphere, and in the promotion of peace and international morality. I refer to the cost of maintaining a proper army, a proper navy and suit able fortifications upon the mainland of the United States and in ite depend encies. We should have an army so organ ized, and so officered, as to be capable in time of emergency in co-operation with the national militia, and under the provisions of a proper national volunteer law, rapidly to expand into a force sufficient to resist all probable invasion from abroad and to furnish a respectable expeditionary force, if necessary, in the maintenance of our traditional American policy which bears the name of President Monroe. Our fortifications are yet in a state of only partial completeness and the number of men to man them is insuffi cient. What has been said of the army may be affirmed in even a more em phatic way of the navy. A modern navy cannot be improvisesd. It must be built and in existence when the emergency arises which calls for its use and operation. Asiatic Immigration. fl/lmieclnn nf Asiatic imiTii grants who cannot be amalgamated with our population has been made the subject either of prohibitory clauses in our treaties and statutes, or of strict administrative regulation secured by diplomatic negotiation. I sincerely hope that we may continue to minimize the evils likely to arise from such immigration without un necessary friction and by mutual con cessions between self-respecting gov ernments. Meantime, we must take every precaution to prevent, or, fail ing that, to punish outbursts of race feeling among our people against for eigners of whatever nationality who have by our grant a treaty right to pursue lawful business here and to be protected against lawless assault or injury. This leads me to point out a serious defect in the present federal jurisdic tion which ought to be remedied at once. Having assured to other coun tries by treaty the protection of our laws for such of their subjects or citizens as we permit to come within our jurisdiction, we now leave to a state or a city, not under the control of the federal government, a duty of performing our international obliga tions in this respect. By proper legis lation we may, and ought to, place in the hands of the federal executive the means of enforcing the treaty rights of such aliens in the courts of the fed eral government. It puts our govern ment in a pusillanimous position to make definite engagements to protect aliens and then to excuse the failure to perform those engagemnts by an explanation that the duty to keep them is in states or cities, not within our control. Monetary Laws Need Change. One of the reforms to be carried out during the incoming administra tion is a change of our monetary and banking laws, so as to secure greater elasticity in the forms of currency available for trade, and to prevent the limitations of law from operating to increase the embarrassments of a financial panic. The monetary com mission lately appointed is giving full consideration to existing conditions and to all proposed remedies, and will doubtless suggest one that will meet the requirements of business and of public interest. We may hope that the report will embody neither the nar row view of those who believe that the sole purpose of the new system should be to secure a large return on bank ing capital or of those who would have greater expansion of currency with little regard to provisions for its immediate redemption or ultimate se curity. There is no subject of eco nomic discussion so intricate and so likely to evoke different views and dogmatic statements as this one. The commission in studying the general in fluence of currency on business and of business on currency, have wisely extended their investigation in Euro pean banking and monetary methods. The incoming congress should promptly fulfill the promise of the Re publican platform and pass a proper postal savings bank bill. It will not be unwise or excessive paternalism. The promise to repay by the govern ment will furnish an inducement to alls is rushed on board and trouble be gins at once. Things are pulled to pieces here and there, dirt covers the decks, men are hustled about and In many cases driven from charge. The families and friends of the crew oome on board io great numbers only to find themselves out of place, and this soon brings complaint and discon tent. If it be winter, and this was the case with the Atlantic fleet, the suffer ing of the crew is great, not only from cold but because the decks cannot in many cases be scrubbed and the dirt accumulates until both the officers and men are ashamed of their ships, and well they may be. People sometimes wonder at the number of desertions In the navy. If they knew the conditions as I know them, I think the wonder would £e that there are not more. The old hands, who have seen service and know what discipline means, have the happy faculty of making the best of what they know will be a short pe riod of much discomfort and dirt, but the new ones who come to the ship for the first time naturally assume that this is the normal condition of ship life and many of them "jump" at savings deposits which private eater prise cannot supply, and at such a low rate of interest as not to withdraw custom from existing banks. Panama Canal All Right. The Panama canal will have a most Important bearing upon the trade be tween the eastern and the far western section· of our country, and will great ly increase the facilities for transpor tation between the eastern and west ern seaboard, and may possibly revo lutionize' the transcontinental rates with respect to bulky merchandise. It will also have a most beneficial effect to increase the trade bet ween the east ern seaboard of the United States and the western coast of South America, and, indeed, with some of the im portant ports on the east coast of South America reached by rail from the west coast. The work on the canal is making most satisfactory progress. The type of the canal as a lock canal was fixed by congress after a full consideration of the conflicting reports of the majority and minority of the consulting board, and after the recommendation of the war depart ment and the executive upon those reports. Recent suggestion that some thing had occurred on the isthmus to make the lock type of the canal less feasible than It was supposed to be when the reports were made and the policy determined on, led to a visit to the isthmus of a board of competent enginers to examine the Gatun dam and locks which are the key of the lock type. The report of that board shows that nothing has occurred in the nature of newly revealed evi dence which should change the views once formed in the original discussion. The construction will go on under a most effective organization controlled by Col. Goethals and his fellow army engineers associated with him, and will certainly be completed early in the next administration, if not before. South and the Negroes. I look forward with hope to increas ing the already good feeling between the south and the other sections of ♦ l·. Λ ir„ „ν;Λί i„ nn* to effect a change in the electoral vote of the southern states. That le a sec ondary consideration. What I look for ward to Is an increase in the tolerance of political viewsof all kinds and their advocacy throughout the south, and the existence of a respectable political opposition in every state; even more than this, to an increased feeling on the part of all the people in the south that this government is their govern ment, and that its officers in their states are their officers. The consideration of this question cannot, however, be complete and full without reference to the negro race, its progress and its present condition. The J 3th amendment secured them freedom; the 11th amendment due process of law, protection of property and the pursuit of happiness; and the 15th amendment attempted to secure the negro against any deprivation of the privilege to vote, because he was a negro. The 13th and 14th amend ments have been generally enforced and have secured the objects for which they were intended. While the 15th amendment has not been gener ally observed in the past it ought to be observed, and the tendency of southern legislation to-day is toward the enactment of electoral qualifica tions which shall square with that amendment. Laws for Labor'· Benefit. There is one other matter to which I shall refer. It was made the subject of great controversy during the elec tion and calls for at least a passing reference now. My distinguished prede cessor has given much attention to the cause of labor, with whose struggle for better things he has shown the sin cerest sympathy. At his instance, con gress has passed the bill fixing the lia bility of interstate carriers to their employes for injury sustained in the course of employment, abolishing the rule of fellow-servant and the common law rule as to contributory negligence. It has also passed a law fixing the compensation of government employes for injuries sustained in the employ of the government through the negli gence of the superior. It also passed a model child labor law for the Die <·«'«* λ# Kin Τ η nravlnuo ο /I m I η istrations an arbitrary law for inter state commerce railroads and their employes, and laws for the application of safety devices to save the lives and limbs of employes of interstate rail roads had been passed. Additional legislation of this kind was passed by the outgoing congress. I wish to say that in so far as I can, I hope to promote the enactment of further legislation of this charac ter. I am strongly convinced that the government should make itself as re sponsible to employes injured in its eiâploy as an interstate railway cor poration is made responsible by fed eral law to its employes. In conclusion the president dis cussed the question of the power of federal courts to issue injunctions in labor disputes, reiterating forcibly his belief that to take away this power from the courts would result in the creation of a privileged class among the laborers and save the lawless among their number from a most needful remedy for the protection of business against illegal Invasion. the first opportunity. The wonder to me is that more of them do not desert. Prominent Woman Suffragists. Mrs. Millicent Garrett Fawcett is the only woman who has ever been asked to address the University De bating society at Oxford. At the re quest of the students she took woman suffrage as her subject. At the end of her speech a resolution Id favor of woman suffrage was put and lost by a majority of 16. There is a rumor that Mrs. Julia Ward Howe will in the near future receive a similar invi tation from Harvard. Those who pre tend to' be informed assert that Har vard's majority against woman suf frage would be many times greater than Oxford's. Many Bicyclists in Japan. Japan makes 40,000 to 50,000 bicyc les yearly and also imports 40,000, be sides separate parts enough to make 60,000. The country now has 350,000 in use, mostly for business purposes. The demand for tires is 200 paire daily, two-thirds of which are im ported. His Billiken By Judd Mortimer Lewi·. "I have got to get me a Billiken," said Jinx, as he stooped to kiss his wife good-by before starting for his office last Monday morning. So far as Jinx' remark went it landed properly, but as Mrs. Jinx at the moment of the aiming of the kiss took a sudden notion to turn and as certain if it was possible to see her self in the mantel mirror across the hall, the kiss drew a moist line across her starboard cheek, dodged beneath her ear, and exploded innocuously in her back hair. "And what in the world Is a Billi ken?" queried she, turning in a light ning effort to catch the already un puckered pucker of Jinx' lips. "You don't mean to say that you don't know what a Billiken is? A Billiken is a sort of a good luck idol carved out of ivory or celluloid or soap or something—I never examined one closely—and it perches on your desk and grins perpetually with so contagious a grin that everyone near its perch grins in sympathy. It is an Insurance against a fool woman turn ing her head just as her husband is about to kiss her. If a Billiken had been perched on my desk yesterday when we went to visit our folks in the country I would not have been butted into the hog lot by the goat, chased beneath the barn by the old boar, nor would I have played a hole in the ground for a cotton-tail and drawn a polecat; and you would not have pur chased another merry widow last week when you already had a pillbox and a sun-kissed that you had scarce ly worn." "Gracious! Why don't you buy you a Billiken?" "If I were to buy one it would spoil the charm. The person who wants a Billiken rents it for 100 years at the rate of one cent a year, payable in "The Kiss Drew a Moist Line Across Her Starboard Cheek." advance. I shall rent one this noon when I go out to lunch." As Jinx took a backward step back ward toward the steps he landed on the cat, and, in an effort to be as easy on pussy's ribs as possible, got his feet pied and caromed off the steps into»the rose-tree which he neatly split by striking it smartly in the crotch with his chin. Then as his glasses flew from his nose and he made a desperate grab for them, A Medium-Sized Journey By Strickland W. Gillilan. Once in Athens, Greece, whence come the hero stories and the men who sell dusty candy on the street corners, lived George F. Socrates, the champion heavy-weight philosopher of Parthenon county. When he came in to the grocery of the Miltiades Bros, and reached into the cracker-box, all the other hands were hastily with drawn. One evening when Soc returned home from his daily toil at the store and began to pare his stone-bruises on the front stoop, he said to his wife, Xanthippe: "Xan!" "Hush up, you old loafer." "I've been looking into the future and figuring out how things are going to be hereafter. In the language Ten nyson has not yet used. > I "I have dipped Into the future far as human eyes could stand. Seen the folly of the world and other things to beat the band. "I have glimpsed a finish for old Aunt Grundy that is a fright. Of course, looking through the pages of future history, I have found myself an immortal—" "What's her name?" asked Xanthip pe, reaching around for a stove lid. "I mean I have found myself to be an immortal. But I don't choose to be this ravine of snivels. There'll be too much to try a sane man's patience along about 1900 Anni Domino. I see—" and here he forgot entirely his delicate task of sole-paring, and his eyes became clairvoyant. "I see di rectoire gowns and wireless telegraph and affinities; I see everybody dodg ing automobiles and occasionally a pocr dodger that doesn't make it; I see monlzey dinners and thumb-print signatures; I see great fortunes won by some men because the others were too dense to see how to keep them from it; I see the autocratic ruler of an empire told by his popularly-elect ed parliament to keep still except un der proper surveillance, while the head of a certain republic dictates to his popularly-elected law-makers such laws as they are permitted-—nay, com pelled!—to make, and tells his people whom they are to select as his succes sor in office; I see robust constitutions following the flag into cannibal islands, even as red liquor and millinery fol low the missionary into darkest Af rica and other places on the rural free delivery routes; I see childless women who are proud of it, carrying poodles nnd Teddybears with goggles on in strange vehicles that leave a wake of smell; I see people with enough mon ey to feed the people of a whole state for ten years, struggling and deceiv ing and crushing others to get more money, though they do not intend to feed more people with it; I see men of literary aspiration telling other folks how to acquirè wealth and merit and wisdom, while some of those same writer men are themselves half-fed, erratic and personally worthless; I see spinsters and bachelors writing learned treatises on the care and dis Some Pumpkins By Norman H. Crowel!. The drummer placed his hand on his bald spot and caressed it reminis cently. "Florida and California may be all right for raising vegetables in a hur ry, but if you want to see crops get right up and hump themselves go to Kansas. Trains runnin' through Kan sas have big signs up in the cars warnin' passengers not to throw any thing off the car. Why? Because they've found it ain't safe. "I was traveling through there last July and was standin' on the rear platform with an old fellow from Paw paw Junction, Tennessee. When he thought nobody was looking the old fellow peeled off a big squash seed poultice from his shoulder blade and tossed it overboard. Just then the conductor came out and saw it. "Hi, there, what was that?" says the conductor. "Nothing but a squash seed poul tice," says the old gent. "Great Scott!" yells the conductor. "A squash seed poultice! Don't you know that is a penitentiary offence? The law says distinctly that any man, woman or child who throws, heaves, casts, hurls or otherwise dumps a squash seed poultice upon, into, under or about the right of way of any rail road in this state stands liable to con viction and sentence to five years in the pen. Did you knowt that, sir?" The old gent said he hadn't thought to post up on Kansas law of late and couldn't say positive. "That's the law, sir," said the con; "but we'll say nothing this time— providing you lay low and sneak out of the state inside of three days.' Well, next day I went back over the same route. They had a snowplow on the engine. "What's that for? Had a bllizzard east?" says I. "Worse!" says the conductor. "Yes, some sapheaded idiot threw a squash seed poultice out on the track yesterday and now the tracks Drew Out the Nest-Egg Unthrifty One Found He Was Not Built for Saving. The Unthrifty One drifted into the savings bank and up to the paying teller's coop. "Mornin'," said he, leaning both arms conversationally upon the mar ble slab and pressing his forehead against the iron bars. "You don't re member about a year ago a fellow that came in and said he wanted to start a savings account—fellow that looked like me?" "Sure," said the p. t., "you're still looking like yourself, too." "That savings account was to be the nest-egg of my fortune," continued the other, "the small beginning that should land me on Easy street for life, the wall between me and old man Want by the time my capacity as a wage earner was put on the bunk." "Sure," said the p. t. again. "Well,' remarked the Unthrifty One, takiog breath, "I regret to report that j us a pecuniary poultry-producer I'm a shine. In short, I am." "Am what?" asked the patient p. t. "Short. I'll have to gently slip that nest-egg out from under the protecting feathers of this dear old bank-hen. Will you kindly make a noise like your title?" The paying teller sniffed the air once or twice, and then, gathering up a pi'e of bills in one hand an a lot of silver dollars in the other, he asked: "And will you have your eggs hard boiled or soft?" "Scrambled, please," said the Un thrifty One, and the teller shoved out five silver dollars and five paper. Students at Princeton. Princeton university this year has a total enrollment in all departments of 1,314. This total Is divided as follows: Academic department, 625; school of science, 533 ; graduate school, 91 ; special students, etc., 65. The fac ulty and administratif· officers num ber 819. slipped on the dewy grass of the lawn and pushed his face viciously into the soft loam of the flower bed. As he marched into the house to re make his toilet Mrs. Jinx was tactful enough to refrain from all remarks. "I must get a Billiken or take out ^ome accident insurance!" gritted he when once more on his way. "With a Billiken on my desk this morning would have been an altogether differ ent affair." As Jinx slipped into his office coat and approached his chair he stopped at the sight of an Impish little figure perched by the side of the letter tray. "Mister Dingbustit, where your wife trades, sent it to you with his com pliments Saturday after you went home," explained the office boy. "And it has been on my desk since Saturday?" "Yes, sir." Carefully Jinx lifted the Billiken be tween the thumb and foretlnger or his right hand, tiptoed to the window and Jropped it on a momentum gathering flight of 14 stories to the sidewalk below; then turning to retrace his steps he fell over the wastepaper bas ket, knocked a hundred-dollar type writer from its spider-legged desk to the floor. As the wreckage was being restored to order the elevator boy left his cage long enough to run across the hall and inform Jinx that a concealed assassin had hurled a Billiken at his, Jinx', partner as he was about to enter the building, and had hurt him so badly that he would probably be laid up for a week. Jinx looked at the gazelle-eyed stenographer for a moment, con: sldered the youth and purity of the office boy, clinched and unclinched his hands, and said: "Oh. fudge!" (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) cipline of children and those same childless ones changing their resi dences because a family with young progeny has moved into the same flat: Say, Xan, is there anything to drink about the house?" "Nothing but some old hemlock, ex tra dry." "Bring me the bottle. Thanks. Now get me that vial of prussic acid as a chaser. After seeing all those things in the future, I want to make a sure job of it. Ta, ta, Xan. I want you to marry again, so somebody will be sorry I'm dead." (Copyright, 1909. by W. G. Chapman.) are under a three-foot layer of squash —Hubbards at that! We've got a hun dred dagoes up ahead trying to keep the line clear, but we'll run this plow a week to be safe!" The drummer sighed and a wizened up chap with a goatee coughed slightly. "Things do grow amazin' in Kansas, ■\ "The Tracks Are Under a Three-Foot Layer of Squash." for a fact! I recollect how my wife's first husbând came blame nigh bein' killed by a pumpkin one afternoon down there. Seems like he'd got in its way when it started growin' good and it run him a quarter of a mile. He saw it was goin' to land him bo he dodged an' th 'infernal thing went right through the side of a new barn and killed th' best heifer on the place! Yes—Kansas is no slouch when it comes to growin' crope lively!" After a brief w^t the drummer arose and went outside where he was heard communing with himself se verely. (Copyright, 1909, by W. O. Chapman.) Festivities in Prison. To show the humanity of the Dan ish authorities a Berlin paper pub lishes a picture which was taken in a Danish prison on Christmas eve. It shows the convicts seated at a table decorated with a miniature Christmas tree. Among those at the board are a number of men in ordinary citizen's clothes, who seem to enjoy the repast with their uniformed guests. A large Danish flag hides from view the bars, behind which the group is seated. Baby Has Full Set of Teeth. A month's old baby with a full set of small but perfectly developed teeth caused a sensation at a recent meet ing of the Vienna Medical society. The premature appearance of teeth has been known before, but in this case the child is normal in the devel opment of bones and hair and in nutri tion, a healthy boy of normal parent age, and the doctors are at a loss to explain the 20 âne £eeth. Decline of Merchant Marine. During the month of August 99 ves sels entered the port of Buenos Aires, ~~ 1 not one waa Amaricaa.