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With Humorists Fixing the Furnace By William J. Lampton. • -wr _ ._ ... i..__ „..Anilnn nnttln nnil Hiot Ic n was a uuiu ua» im. son when he got home after office hours, for his wife had spoken to him In the morning about the furnace. She met him as he came blustering up stairs. She was not as cheerful as he was. On the coutrary she was pos itively blue—with cold. She had a rug around her shoulders. “Gee, Susan," he puffed, “what's the matter? You look as though you were a carpet peddler." Mrs. Yapperson did not go into roars of laughter over this joke. “I'm frozen, that's what's the mat ter,” she replied coldly. “You’ve got to go down and fix that furnace.” “I thought it was all right when I left it this morning,” he explained, with an air of confidence not justified by the facts as Mrs. Yapperson was acquainted with them. “I know you did,” she said; “but what do you know about a furnace? You don't know enough to think when it is right or wrong.” “Tut. tut, Susan,” he soothed her, “don't talk like that.” “Don't tut, tut me, Mr. Yapperson," she snapped. “You seem to think freezing is a pleasure.” “But I’m not cold, Susan,” he ar gued. “Well, I won’t bandy words with a person as disagreeable and cal'ous as you are,” she exclaimed. “There is will you go down and fix that furnace, or won’t you?” "To be perfectly frank with you, Susan,” he said firmly, but respect fully, ”1 will not.” Mrs. Yapperson was startled by the unexpectedness of it. He had never gME«'f-=- _ “You Look Like a Carpet Peddler.” spoken to her so before. There was r.o time for feminine Fabian tactics. Jim Wit ham’s Cotton Trees By Hugh Pendexter. Aged irad «igiow s iace grew aoie ful as he realized his cousin had har nessed the horse preparatory to tak ing him and his old trunk away. And he could think of no haven ready to receive him. “Wal, Irad, the wagon is waiting for your trunk,” stiffly informed Edgar. Irad sighed. If he could but remain a few days. “Jim Witham is the luck iest man I ever see,” he mused. Edgar sneered bitterly. “He's been gitting a monopoly on some more northern lights, eh? A monopoly no one else can git till winter, with you breaking the newsy secret in June. I don’t care to listen to any more money making schemes. Trunk is ready.” “There was a time limit on the northern lights deal,” winced Irad. “However, I won’t bother you no more with Jim’s good luck. Now, we’ll fetch the trunk.” Edgar bit a straw and leaned sullen ly against a post. "I guess he's wel come to it. Up at the north pole, prob’ly.” The old man turned from the door and mildly corrected: “No, nothing with winter or long distances in it. Only a secret of growing cotton.” “Cotton?” muttered Edgar, sinking to the step. “Is he going south?” “No,” listlessly replied Irad. “Jest going to grow it on his farm over in Porter? Will you take the hind end of the trunk?” “Let the trunk wait a bit. It’s too hot jest now,” frowned Edgar. “How can a man grow cotton in the state of Maine?” “You can't grow it in northern soil,” slowly replied Irad, gratefully resum ing his chair. “Wal, dod rot it! What d’ye mean? You said—I'll take the hind end of the trunk.” Irad rose. “Of course you can’t grow cotton up here in the soil. That's where Jim's secret and fortune comes in.” “What in sin—You don't pretend Jim’s going to grow it in a hothouse like parly garden truck?” gasped Ed gar, sitting. “He’s going to grow it on trees,” whispered Irad. “Trees!” mumbled Edgar, mopping his brow. “Apple treas,” murmured Irad. "How in Sam Hill—Why—wal, can’t you explain?" stuttered Edgar. “Wait till I come back from Free man’s. Besides, it’s Jim’s secret.” “You seem in a awful hurry to quit here,” cried Edgar. “Ain’t this place home-like?” “Why, yes, Edgar,” sighed the old man. “Then don’t be in a rush to git-away. I guess you can stand it the week out. Lawd! if you had your way you'd stay a night and then skedaddle. You don’t leave here till Saturday. That’s settled. Now, what about Jim Witham?” Irad coughed gently and explained: “Jim is going to graft cotton onto his appie irees. i ne cuuun uiuums eany in May, and keeps it up till late fall.” "Irad, look at me.” implored Edgar. “How does Jim graft the cotton?” “Did I promise to stay till Satur day?” asked Irad. "You certainly did,” assured Edgar. "Then I’ll keep my promise. As to the secret, you take a northern apple tree and transplant it to the cotton belt—” “Why, you said it would grow north,” riimtJi j. LJix.li it., mvcuiui, cAyiuict and promoter of a spiral sheol, was formerly named Durante, but removed the “u-r,” as his folks were Quakers and preferred “thou art.” His great, great grandfather was a crusader, which was about as bad an occupation from the moral standpoint as there is; but the young man was a self-taught poet. He had had only three lessons in verse-making from a correspondence school at Scranton, Bavaria, but was a crack rhymer. At the age of only 15 he wrote in his copy book: “Many men of many minds, Many birds of many kinds.” which has become immortal. Young Dante’s poet-companions had names that sounded like brands of pre-digested spaghetti, and need not, nay must not—be mentioned here. They were famous for their finished verse, and it is our duty and pleasure to rejoice over its finish. Dante had a sweetheart named Bea trice, for whom the town of that name in Nebraska was christened. But she was a nice girl every other way. Shortly after he was married and became several fathers, a war came to his rescue and he enlisted. He was one of the priors of Florence, or wherever he lived then. A prior was a sort of tax-collector, so-called be cause in those days, the came as now, they had to pry the people loose from their impost contributions. The Guelphs, whoever they were, were di vided into two factions—the Neri and the Ghibellines (pronounced chil blains), and Dante was sympathetical ly aligned with the latter. Dante, as one of the priors, had to take action in the matter. Being a poet and impractical, he advocated firing both bunches, the former of which contained his wife’s brother, and the latter containing most of his own friends. This, of course, made life at home such as to suggest the Inferno book for which he is most fa mous. The Ghibellines or Bianchi, came back, after awhile, by govern ment’s permission, and this time Dante himself was banished with them because he hadn’t made them stay banished. Dante said afterward that he would have given almost anything if they hadn’t come unbanished. Dante Bound to Make a Blunder Elderly Lady Meant Well but Evi dently This Was One of Her Unlucky Days. The daughters of a certain charm ing old lady in Washington are fre quently much upset by the odd social blunders of their parent, whose fail ings in this respect are, however, more than offset by her kindliness of manner. Among the callers to the house of this family was a Mrs. Farrell, who, after some years of widowhood, again married, this time becoming the wife of a Mr. Meggs. “If you love us, mother,” said one of the girls, when the newly married lady’s card had been brought in one afternoon shortly after the comple tion of the honeymoon, “don’t make the mistake of calling her Mrs. Far rell.’ \ The mother solemnly promised to commit no fauxpaa and as she went downstairs wag heard to repeat to V X herself, “Meggs—Meggs—Meggs—not Farrell.” At the conclusion of the call, the old lady was met at the head of the stairs by the daughter, who at once observed an ominous expression of de spondency on the old lady’s face. “Oh, mother,” she exclaimed, “sure ly you didn’t—” “No, Clara,” replied the mother, em phatically', “I didn’t. I was so careful to call her Mrs. Meggs all the time.” “Well, what’s the trouble, then?” “Oh, dear!” murmured the kindly od lady, as she sank into a chair. “It was awful of me, I know! When I greeted her I said: ‘I am glad to see you, Mrs. Meggs. How is Mr. Far rell?’’’—Harper’s Weekly. Blood Will Tell. Milkman—Our cows are all blooded stock. Customer—I believe you. Blue blooded, if one may judge by the ap pearance of the milk. Some-of the Best i Things Written 1 by the Acknowl- | edged Masters. 1 I_■ She would try a bluff. “Very well, ,Mr. Yapperson,” she said, imperiously. “Very well, I shall go to a hotel. You can stay here and freeze if you want to. It is a matter of perfect indifference to me." “Thank you, dear,” he said, turning away to hide his feelings, whatever they were. “When will yo go, and would you mind leaving your future address so the postman will know'?” This kindly inquiry did not serve to assuage the lady’s overwrought feelings. “No, I shall not, and I shall leave Immediately,” and whisking around she headed for the door. “Good-by, Susan,” *he murmured, putting out his hand timidly, “and Susan,' he went on, as she paused a moment in her flight, “as you go out, please step down into the basement and ask the furnaceman what’s the matter with the fire works. I brought him Up with me and he is the best one in town. He says if he can’t make it blister the paper on the walls hi won’t charge a cent for taking care of it. [’ve got him nailed to a contract till spring.” Mrs. Yapperson stopped short and looked steadily, but doubtfully, into the eyes of the man she had promised to love, honor and obey. Then she went to the register and held her hand to it. She took it away with a jerk. “Oh,” she cried, looking at him re proachfully, and Mr. Yapperson snorted with joy over his little joke. (Copyright, 1909. by W. G. Chapman.) bitterly obtruded Edgar. "And so it will,” affirmed Irad. “But first the tree must be took south and »iven a taste of the soil. Then you bring it back and set it out—” “By Judas! D’ye mean I’d have to lake my two orchards, tree by tree, lown south, and then fetch ’em back?” ihoked Edgar, rising. “Why, that’s what Jim Witham is bound to do to make a success of it,” replied Irad. “You see, the cotton soil gives the tree—” "Bah!” cried Edgar, in great acer bity. "We’ll both keep next Saturday n mind.” (Copyright, 1909. by W. G. Chapman.) Medium-Sized Journeys By Strickland W. Giililan. airnseii was accused ui uarrairy, ex ortion, corruption, horse-stealing, as sault and battery, mayhem, arson and oitering. When he escaped he went to Ve rona, and stopped at the boarding house of Bartolommeo della Scala, who used to be of good family and was related to John Quincy Adams, but whose wife had been forced by re iuced circumstances to keep boarders »ver since Bart had run for office in m off year. Dante couldn’t stand tl»e board with these ex-aristocrats long, my more than men of the present ds*y :an, and so he wandered about “like,” is he put It, “a cow without her ud Dante Had a Sweetheart Named Beatrice. tier”—or maybe it was a ship without a rudder or helm. During his wander ings he visited Paris, Oxford, Pisa Harrisburg, and Three Oaks, Mich. Florence asked him to come back, but he said “No; I just had a letter from home.” After he died, Florence was ashamed of herself, as most towns are when one of their kicked-out best citizens dies, and wanted to put up a monument for him, but the senate voted down the bill because Tillman and Cabot Lodge both favored it. (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) Strong Game. Cupid and Hymen were talking about cards. “Ever play yourself?” asked Cupid. “Sometimes,” responded Hymen, cautiously. “Indeed! And what is your strong est hand?” “Oh, when kings find they are beaten by queens and then turn into jacks. How about you?” Cupid laughed a silver laugh. “Oh, I have a hand that can’t be beat.” “Really? And jirhat is it?” “Why, a pair in a parlor. That has been a winner since the world began." Grim Reality. The Friend—Why don’t Vou funny men write any more jokes about plum bers’ extortionate bills? The Humorist—We’ve found out that they’re no joke. Accounting for It. “That lady certainly has an extraor dinary amount of animal spirits. Who is she?” “I think she la the animal trainer at the Zoo.” DEHORNING CHUTE DEVICE THAT WILL NOT HURT THE ANIMAL. Plant for Building Pen That Holds the Head Securely, Thus Preventing Any Possible Accident. An authority on the dehorning of cattle furnishes the following informa tion on the construction of the chute for the operation: Make the chute strong. Next make a plank table in front of the same about I u 11 U "" I L I I_._1----—1 Plan for Dehorning Chute. two feet wide, three feet long and two and one-half feet from the ground. Then prepare a square with an eight inch side out of plank and hinge it to the table a few inches from the chute at right angles to the face of the same, so that it can move freely from one side to the other. For the hinge use two good pieces of strap iron, prefer ably wagon tire, and let each extend clear across each side of the width of the square. To make the hinge wrap the end of the tire around a bolt staple secured to the table by taps beneath. Through the end of the tire opposite the hinge and about an inch from the . ■ ' ■ — - • n -n-i Safe and Easy for the Animal. top face of the square bore a hole large enough for an inch and a half rope. You will then have two ropes attached to the top face of this square, and these are intended to pass over the neck of the animal and be secured by a lever at one end pf the table. An other identical square is prepared, and this is set on the table facing the hinged square, but distant enough from it for the neck of an animal to be set between. The second square is braced firmly in a vertical position with blocks and steel braces. Two holes are bored through the table near the front side, through which a rope is passed to be placed over the nose of the animal. The head of the animal to be dehorned is held in position by the stationary square, against which the neck of the animal is bound by the hinged square. Seed Selection. Careful and continued seed selection will pay many times for the work. Plants become adapted to the condi tions under which they are grown and while it is desirable to try new varie ties from other localities, such new seed should never be used for the en tire acreage of any staple crop. After the new varieties become acclimated, they may be found better than those commonly grown. If such is the case, locally grown seed will then be on hand for the entire crop and there will be no loss. Weeding Small Fruits. Do your weeding among me smau fruits with mulching of swale hay, straw or forest leaves. This will save a large amount of hard work in hoe ing. It holds the moisture, keeps the weeds from growing, keeps the fruit clean while growing and ripening. The fruit will grow much larger and of finer quality and certainly will bring better prices. Such has been my experience for many years. Essentials in Poultry Raising. At all times I see that my poultry houses are well ventilated. In the winter a very slight crack at the top of the building will provide sufficient exit for the foul air to escape. This is provided with a shutter to prevent too strong a draft. In summer the opening is made much larger and the sides of the building are also open to let as much heat as possible escape. By this means and by proper atten tion to exercise, cleanliness, etc., my fowls are kept in excellent health and comfort. Not the least of their com forts is a dust bath placed where the sun can shine on it at all times. This bath is also provided with sulphur, tobacco dust or Insect powder. There is always a temptation to turn the stock on pasture before the grass has had a chance to get a start. At this time the animals will get little good from the pasture and they are likely to do much damage In tramp ing the wet soil. Let the ground get solid and the grass a good start be fore they go fin It. BREEDERS WORK IN UNISON Co-Operative Breeding Is Sure Founda tion for Future Prosperity Among Cattle Raisers. Co-operative breeding, as viewed by a writer for Orange Judd Farmer, gives promise of great achievement in the future. As at present carried on much of our breeding is done in the dark. Unworthy sires are used. Breed is almost entirely ignored. If a community will form an asso ciation, study the breeds, and care fully select the breed they like best, and is best suited to their conditions, and that they will be willing to stand by ever after, then they will have laid a sure foundation for future pros perity. This much we know, that when an association is formed interest is aroused, and a desire for better things is inspired. Full-blood sires are bought, and if a man feels too poor to buy a good animal alone, two or three will go in together and buy. As good sires are bought, exchanges are made, so a choice animal can be kept near the same locality during the entire period of his usefulness. Particular emphasis is placed upon the character and efficiency of the live business man, be in touch with every member, he should know what stock each one has, and what he de sires to have. Through him ex changes are made, buyer and seller brought together. When they have stock to sell he carries advertising for the whole association, thus lessen ing the expense. He should have the »cf,ioti r uuuno ui iuc ui tvu, ou u pectlve animal can be traced, and its worth determined. When animals are for sale they are reported to the sec retary, so a buyer can find out by him just what can be bought, and where it can be bought, and a buyer will go to such a place, when he would not go from house to house in the uncertainty of finding what he wanted. In shipping there is also an advantage, as animals can be shipped much cheaper in carlots than singly. Cow testing associations are apt to follow, friendliness is promoted and speakers may be obtained through the agency of such an association. Lake Mills, Wis., is noted the world over for its cattle, because breeders have been working together raising one breed. A buyer has large num bers to pick from, he can buy in large lots, and he can get what he wants, and he is willing to pay the price. colony To(Th6use is best Litter Raised in Each Individual Building Avoids Crowding and Injury to Shotes. Where all the hogs sleep togethei cold nights, two, three and sometimes four deep, it is not an unusual oc currence to find a nice shote overlain or mashed to death. The colony house solves the problem. A family is raised up in each individual house, hence there is no crowding of several sizes in one bed. We have six of these houses made of fencing plank that has done good service in a fence 36 years. Some are hemlock and some poplar, the greater part perfectly sound, except the nail holes. These houses are distributed over the farm in convenient places to feed and water. The floor space is 48 square feet with seven feet front and five feet in the rear. The roofing is three-ply pre pared paper, which makes a very ser viceable roof. Cover the Manure Heap. Piling the manure in the open in sures a big waste. The Cornell Ex periment station piled two tons ol fresh horse manure in an exposed place. In five months it lost five per cent, in gross weight, 60 per cent, ol its nitrogen, 47 per cent, of its phos phoric acid and 76 per cent, of ita pot ash. Here was an average loss of 61 per cent, in plant food, or more than the weight loss. In other words, the rotted, concentrated manure, ton for ton, was worth less than the fre^Ji manure. Value of Timothy. Timothy is grown rather for hay than for pasture and yet in certain areas of the prairie it is much relied upon for pasture at the present time. The Dairy Cow. Every dollar added to the average income irum tue uatij «juw iu me United States adds over $20,000,000 to the nation’s production of wealth. Cure for Mange. Following is a recommended cure for mange in hogs: Creosote, 1% ounces; lard, two pounds. Mix well and apply to the affected parts of the body. Or, sulphur, one-half pound; lard, two pounds. Mix and apply as suggested above. Turpentine and sul phur at the rate of ten parts of the former to one of the latter is an other effective remedy. The same mixture may be used for a dog, but the animal should be carefully muz zled for the lard-creosote mixture, else he might make himself very sick by licking it off. Fix up a comfortable box Btall for the mare and her coming baby colt. Make It roomy and warm and supply it with plenty of soft bedding. Pre-i rious to foaling, feed the mare oats, wheat bran mashes, and about halt pint of linseed meal twice daily. Hogs are a good price now, and in* dications are that they will be better by next summer and fall. Corn, too, Is high, so make the corn go as far as possible with pasture, skimmed milk, slops, and supplementary foods. (D)§toMli n—- — ~ - —“—J A Dutch Boy, a Fairy, Little Bo-Peep, a Tiger Lily and an Indian. ALL children love to “dress up.” Mother’s apron tied on for a trail will transform the wee girl into a fine lady, while the small boy becomes the most terrible of pirates by pulling his cap down over his eyes and thrusting a pasteboard sword into his belt To have really truly dress up things is a rare treat, and there are few things that a child enjoys as much as one of the gay little costume par ties so popular at this time of year. Very pretty and effective outfits may be gotten up at small expense, and often the clever mother devises things she has on hand. Suggestions for several fancy dresses are shown in the sketch, any one of which might be easily copied. The dainty little fairy’s gown is made of unstarched mosquito netting, In pale green over a delicate pink, the outer skirt being shorter than the under dress. Each skirt, the square neck, and the sleeves are edged with silver spangles. The wings are made of heavy wire and cream color netting stretched across. These are painted in pretty, delicate colorings. The large spots are dark blue and coral, with golden yellow and dark green markings above them. The small spots are in shades of violet, light green and pink, and the little mark ings are lightly traced in gold. A gold band and a star are worn on the hair, and the wand Is a slender rod of wood, gilded and adorned with a golden star. The little fairy slippers are pink with gold spangled butterflys. The pretty Bo Peep has a full dress of soft white cheesecloth with bodice and panels of light blue cretonne fig ured with pink roses. The bodice is laced with black cord. The white straw hat has a pale blue facing, a band of ribbon and clusters of pink roses. The crook, which may be purchased for a smal* sum at any shop where German favors are sold, has a bow of blue satin ribbon. The stockings, which are the 25-cent white cotton lisle variety, are dyed light blue, and tHfe blue slip pers are ornamented with a pink flower. Tiger Lily is a gay little maid. Her dress is a full, gathered one of cream color cheesecloth, sleeveless and with rrund neck. The overskirt and sleeves are of golden yellow cambric, wired on the edge and spotted with bright crimson paint. The stems of the flowers are of brown ribbon, wired, with dark brown chenille tips. Long green lily leaves of cambric go over each shoulder. The hat is green cam bric on the outside, with the golden yellow inside, and the edges wired. The stockings are cream color and the slippers golden yellow with crimson dots. The Indian lad has a suit of khaki, cambric or some heavy ecru color cot ton material. Bright colored cambric is cut into fringe and used to decorate the suit. Feathers from the feather duster furnish the head dress, sewed on to a strip of stout unbleached cot ton cloth, doubled to make it strong, and painted with little specks of bright color in an Indian design. The belt is made in the same way. The tomahawk is of heavy pasteboard or thin wood. A pair of moccasins com plete this warlike rig, which would de light the heart of any small boy. The Dutch boy’s suit is quite as pic turesque as those worn by the little people in Holland. The sleeves are white cotton cloth, the Jacket terra cotta cambric with green buttons, and full bloomers of delft blue cambric. Paint red stripes on a pair of white stockings and buy a pair of real Dutch wooden clumps. The cap is an ordinary visor cap with a full white crown. The necktie is of light brown muslin or cambric. LINEN STRIPS FOR PACKING. Neatly Bound and Made of Various Colors, They Are Excellent and Handy Folders. If you go off cn frequent jaunts, It is a great help to have the following articles, which with a machine can be made in a few moments, and after using can be laid away for future use. Bind strips of linen in different colors about a yard wide and three quarters of a yard long, with white linen tape, or merely hem them if you prefer to save the time. In the green one, we will say, lay your linen and plain white waists—fold it over and button or pin together with safety pins. In the blue one, place your lingerie waists. In smaller ones of suitable sizes put your stocks and belts, in another your veils, with a stiff square of cardboard to hold them flat. Bind squares IB or 16 inches and sew tapes to one corner for your shoes, which can be rolled up like a package, diag onally with the ends turned in, and tied. Vary these colors for convenience in finding them. You can outline in em broidery cotton, if you care to, “Ties” —“Pumps”—“Shoes”—“Rubbers” — or merely pin a written label on each. The cases containing these accessories can be laid in a drawer on your ar rival.—Delineator. White Coat Trimmings. White trimmings, such as braid, but tons, etc., will be used freely on col ored gownB and coats. Protection for Summer Frocks. For summer dancing gowns the foot edge of net, chiffon and painted I This illustration shows the elaborate use made of lace insertions and inset medallions and washable white sou tache on a stunning blouse of cotton crepe. The design is a splendid one for a dressy separate bodice. Directoire Parasol. The long-handled directoire parasol, designed to exactly match the gown it accompanies, and finished with an ebony or white handle, is a fetish of the hour, and not a few of them have tassels and cords which impart the correct old world air. - 41 Pique Millinery. Hats made of French pique in bean* tlful colorings are being introduced in the shoos. These come in rich color moussellne shirts is ouen caugm. to the bottom of their satin slips, above a wide bias fold or hem, by means of a gathered thread turned under, so that the outer transparent fabric is retained into a slight pouf all round. By this means the satin hem is ex posed and bears all the abuse derived from the floor in the whirl and veloc ity of the dance. On the other hand, the frail fabric escapes its usual des tiny and keeps its freshness and pret tiness intact The grace of the skirt remains unimpaired in its line.— Vogue. Shirred Satin Toques. Many of the new toques will be made of soft liberty satin to match shoes, parasols, etc. The satin will be shirred—shirring, by the way, being one of the touches of summer milli nery—and trimmed with large pink roses. One poke bonnet seen in an advance showing was known as the "Marie Antoinette." It was made of shirred satin and had a wreath of tiny hand-made satin roses with gold cen ters around the crown. __ * tags and are intended for wear with the moat dressy frocks. They are evi dently intended to take the place of the cretonne hat, which was boosted last season, and proved' a failure. There seems to be no decrease in fac ings; in fact, most of this season’s best chapeaux are faced—not only with silk, but with crepe, shirred maltne and shirred . chiffon, the two latter facings being particularly new and popular. For the Little Girl’s Hair, Hair combs for smali girls are now threaded with ribbon and an arrange ment which is generally becoming is to have ribbon in these terminate in a huge rosette at the left ear. Wire fillets woven with ribbons and flowers are also worn in children’s hair. For school and everyday wear only dark weaves are worn, but there is unlimited license in the selection of those for party and house wear. In deed, the ribbon for these dress-up oc casions cannot be too gay.