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HARRIET AND HIRAM.
A BOSTON IDYL. Hiram Bittergrass lived on a farm with his father. Hiram was unosten tatious, freckled, and twenty-two years old. He possessed good health, and limited education, a dollar store diamond pin, and a Boston cousin named Harriet Featherstone. Harriet was talented, flat-chested, warm-haired and twenty three years old. When a child of nine years she visited her un cle, Silas Bittergrass, in Greenville, Green township, Green county, in the verdant summer-time. She and her youthful cousin Hiram organized ex ploring expeditions in quest of the elu sive hen's nest, roamed in the hay mow, rent their garments climbing gnarly apple trees, drove home the cows through the leafy lane in the gloaming, and the shimmering sheen of their youthful days gleamed golden with innocent glee, and so forth. Or words to the effect. In those days Harriet wore a laugh ing countenance, short dresses, sunny hair and a cheerful disposition. Now she wears gold eye-glasses, a pedantic air, and bangs. Also clotlies. As the years rolled on—as years will do, even in the country, where, how ever, they roll on much slower than in the city—Hiram reached man’s estate. It was about all the estate he could reach, too, for the farm possessed all the modern improvements, including a heavy mortgage, and old man Bit tergrass enjoyed marvellous health. For fourteen years a sweet vision of the winsome, golden-tressed Harriet tenanted a portion of the chamber of Hiram’s mental structure; and when, a few weeks ago, he visited Boston on business, one of his first duties was to call at the Featherstone mansion. He failed to recognize his little cousin of tlio l'nnsc in thn ctn w 1 nn/^ vere-looking young lady who ap proached him and extended her hand in a formal sort of a way. “Wh-w-why, Harriet!” stammered Hiram. “How you’ve grown!” “Yes,” she said, taking his hat, and motioning him to a chair; “my stature has naturally augmented materially during the interregnum of years since my hegira to Greenville, nearly a de cade and a half ago.” Hiram looked confused, squirmed uneasily in his chair, and wondered if she were enjoying good health. Then she questioned him, in her pedantic, grandiloquent way, concern ing his parents, and life on the farm, and Hiram felt as if he were being sub jected to a cold shower-bath, and wanted to ask her why she didn’t per mit a few chuncks of plain United States language to drift into her con versation. “And, Cousin Hiram,” she continued, “do you still retain mental impression of our bucolic divertisements in these innocent years ante-dating our adoles cent days, when, in the purple twi light, to the merry chirping of the merry insect of the genus gryllus, we homeward conducted the well-fed, mild-eyed kine?” “The mild-eyed kind of what?” asked < Hiram, in a dazed sort of a way. “I have reference to the lowing herd—those animals from which we derive our supply of lacteal fluid, and—” “Oh, you mean cows?” interrupted Hiram. “Well, I should say so! And you remember that old brindle which * hooked you as you were crawling * through the sence bars, and yelled as 1 if you were getting scalped, and I was f scared to death almost? Well, soon c after you left for home she was threat- c ened with some sort of epidemic, and 1 we sold her to a butcher for thirty-live £ uunuis tbuu ti iuui. r uiutsr saiu it was a pretty good stroke of business, too, 1 for be didn’t believe she would live 1 another week."’ “How you must revel, Hiram,” con- ( tinued the cultured maiden, “in the ’ Arcadian delights with which the ex- ' istence of the honest yoeman is so ‘ pregnant; and upon the conclusion of ' your long day’s toil, how keenly you 1 must relish the bounteous repast pre- ' pared by the artists of the cuisine!” 1 “Y-e-s,” asserted Hiram, vaguely, 3 “but you should see us go for the hash * on the supper table after working all * day like a mule.” ' “And when the portentious cumulo- * stratus spill their silver threads of ^ aqueous fluid upon the parched earth, £ enforcing a suspension of outdoor em- s ployment, how soul-satisfying to sit £ beneath the parental roof and digest 1 such mental pabulum as ‘the platonic ( idea of diety,’ or ‘the immortality of ' the individual man in his many indi- ‘ viduality.’ Do you dote on the mind 1 revolvements of the great authors? ' •\0n the—er—which?” 1 "Dc’ you love to read?” 1 “Oh, yes- I like to read truthful 1 stories, w^'ere the hero is killed in one chapter, an,'l comes to life in the next, jmd knocks oht a dozen redskins in the first round, ana rescues the beautiful ( Geraldine, who id captured by the j howling Indians three times a week, and finally marries Long-haired Char lie, who is a duke’s sonin disguise, and ■ makes five thousand dollars a week by ! going on the stage and elevating the drama. Did you ever read, ‘The . Knocked kneed Chief of the Kicka- j poos; or, the Butchered Heart!’ Cousin Harriet?” “No,” said the Boston maiden, in a tone of disgust; “my soul craves some thing more elevating. But, Hiram, do you not yearn for such ennobling brain food as ‘The Essence and Cause of Personality’ and ‘The Self-existent Energy Underlying all Change?’ ” “H’m—er—I don't think I have ever yearned a single yearn for that kind of food,” frankly replied Hiram. “How is it cooked, any way—boiled or fried?” “It is the food for which the cultured soul craves,” explained Harriet. “And have you no wild, mad, unsatisfied longing to solve the ‘Ideality of the Idealism as Exemplified in the Mute ness of the Mutability in its Relation to the Oneness of These?’ ” “N—no," said Hiram, growing warm about the shirt collar; “never heard of it. We subscribe for the Farmer's In structor, and read how to build a high toned hog pen for t wenty dollars, and which costs seventy-five before it is finished, if the directions are followed. I don't s’pose, Harriet, that you have any soul-yearnings for that sort of re fined and deceptive literature?” “No. My nature craves something more Emersonian. Are you aware, Hiram, that the original mist of the nebulous hypothesis is of a density less than the one hundred thousandth part of the hydrogen?” “N—no; I was not aware of that,” said Hiram, growing warmer, and look ing around for his hat. “That's some thing I seem to have originally missed.” “Doesn’t it cause your being to glow with a tinge of intense satisfaction to know that if man were not immortal there would be a break in the chain of beings that reaches from the pure eternal and passive up to the pure active?” “Yes—I suppose so,” replied her rural cousin, hitching his chair farther away, and wondering how long she had been a victim to such spells. “And, Hiram, did you ever permit your luinu 10 uweu upon ine oeautmii thought embodied in the Jecookian theory that the ‘Fixedness of the fixity is essentially fixed beyond the unfixa bleness of the universal fixisui?” Hiram mopped his perspiring brow with his handkerchief, and said he thought he did on one or two occa sions, but he wasn’t certain. Then he reached for his hat, said he couldn’t stay for dinner, and he didn’t have any appetite anyhow, and he had to see a man in ten minutes, and he promised to be home in the next train, and he hoped-” “But tell me, Hiram,” interrupted Harriet, “are you a Pessimist or an Agnostic?” “An og—which—stic?” asked Hiram, with a startled look, reaching for the door-knob. “No, I don’t think I’m one of those things. I’m a Democrat, and I don’t take much stock in these new-fangled politics. And now, Cou sin Harriet, I must say good-bye!” and before she could explain the difference between a Pessimist and an Agnostic, le gave her hand a hasty shake and lurried away. As he was about turning a corner, le gave a significant look back at the ?eatherstown mansion, and softly ijaculated: “Gosh!” It spoke volumes.— J. H. IF., in New York Weekly. —-» ♦ -- BLAINE! Everybody admits the fact, and hose who are most surprised at it ad lit it most cheerfully, that Mr. Blaine i a great deal stronger as an aspirant or the presidency, after having been ut of office and engaged in the oc upations of private life for two years nd a half, than he ever was in office: nd yet he has held very important, lonorable and influential posts, and ias exercised in them an immense lOWPr nvar Hio nnliHnc r\f fVio nAnnfi.tr The reason of this cannot be con ealed, and it is that Mr. Blaine’s pop ilarity has grown in his retirement intil now he is the most popular in lividual in the Republican party. It s not the popularity of politicians, or the politicians are maiuly against lim, it is not the popularity of the iress, for there are few powerful ournals that champion his cause. It s a popularity of the masses; and the act is most creditable to Mr. Blaine, ’he Republican press are against him; he Republican politicians are against lim; but the people are for him with n enthusiasm and a determination ucli as has not been evinced toward ,ny Republican leader of our day, vith the single exception, perhaps, of General Grant, and in his case the feei ng was not due to personal magnet sm or the political associations, but o the prestige of his successes in the livil war. With Mr. Blaine it is all a natter of personal attraction and of lie prestige of dashing political abili ies.—New York Sun. The Salem South Jersey man says that ‘the attempt of some of the Democratic lewspapers to spread the report that lie New Jersey delegation to Chicago s not for Blaine, is very silly. All the lelegates-at-large, save Mr. Fort, have tated that they will vote for Blaine, dr. Fort’s first choice is Edmunds, iut he lias stated that he will respect he sentiment of the New Jersey Re mblicans, which is nearly unanimous or Blaine.” Be thankful for the least, and the jest will often come to your share. REVIVING FRUIT TREES. Mr. S. B. Pratt writes to the Ameri can Institute Farmers’ Club about the care of fruit trees as follows: “Remem bering Professor Liebig’s theory thai when a vegetable is burneel the pari which came from the air in the process of its growth returns to the atmos pliere, and the part which came fron the ground is reduced to ashes, I came to the conclusion that ashes would be beneficial when applied to the roots o the trees. They were standing in the soil strongly inclineel to clay, with f turf around them t hat had not beer removed for several years. After prun ing them properly’, removing every in dication of worms, edc., anel washing the body and branches with soapsuds I began operating below, first remov ing the turf two feet around the tree then with a garden pick the groune was loosened from six to twelve inches in depth, taking care not to injure tilt arger roots. Twenty or -thirty quarts of loose dirt were removed, leaving t large cavity, shaped like a saucer, witl: the tree standing in the centre. Aboui one pint of unleached ashes were sprin kled about the tree, and upon this chip manure was placed, nearly filling the cavity’. Another pint of ashes were sprinkled upon the fertilizer, which was gently pressed down, and the hole covered with the loose dirt taken from the cavity, leaving the surface nearly as it was, excepting the turf. A youna orchard was treated in a similar wav, The effect was wonderful. Plum trees that were going to the bad revived, Peach trees that had presented small and shrivelled leaves threw out luxu riant foliage, and cherry trees gave fruit larger and fairer than ever before. The fortieth anniversary of the Class of 1844, New Jersey Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, wascele brated at the residence of the Rev George Hughes, Orange, a few days since. There were present Revs. Hr E. H. Stokes, A. E. Ballard, W. S Wiggins, T. T. Campfield, J. P. Fort R. Given and G. Hughes. Each mem her was accompanied by his wife, one excepted. After dining the class en joyed a pleasant excursion to the sum mit of the Orange mountain. Return ing, a meeting for business was opened during which Rev. T. T. Campfielc read an interesting sketch of his life which was highly appreciated. Rev G. Hughes was requested to present sketch of his life at the next meeting The occasion was rendered specially interesting on account of the receni return of Hr. Stokes from his extendec foreign tour. A resolution gratefully acknowleding the gracious care of Goc was adopted by a rising vote, afte; which the doxology was sung. Th< re-union was greatly enjoyed, and t vote of thanks was tendered to Rev G. Hughes and wife for their kind hos pitalities. Rev. A. E. Ballard invitee the class to hold its next re-union witt him at Ocean Grove, which was ac cepted. -• ♦ ♦ Mrs. Hannah Wolston celebrated hei one hundredth birthday on the 16th oi April, at Wrightstown, Burlington County. A reception given in the evening was attended by the village band and nearly all the people of the place. The venerable lady was born at Vincentown, and has lived near there all her life. She is the mother ol eight children, all but two of whom are now dead. Her mind is yet clear, and her memory of past events is remark ably good. Mrs. Wolston has never been out of Burlington County, and never rode in a railroad car, saying that the “tarnal things might go off the track.” When she was brought irom mount nony, eignt years ago, to her present home, she refused to go by railroad, and had to be conveyed by carriage. She lias never seen what a large city looks like, and frequently Bxpresses a wish that she had seen Philadelphia when she was younger. Another great Wall street operator has toppled over and another lesson has been given to those who indulge in the “heads I win, tails you lose” game. Less than ten years ago James R. Keene, it is said, had not five dol lars in the world: within three years from that time he had $5,000,000 in bank, and two years later was known as the second great operator in this country and was worth at least $8,000, 000. Will any one presume to say that such fabulous sums could have been realized in such a short space of time by any legitimate and honest business' The idea is preposterous. The very fact that this immense sum was lost more quickly than it was made shows the hazardous and gambling nature ol the business. Charles and John Keenan, brothers, quarrelled with Gerret White at his house in West Grove, near Asbury Park and assaulted him and his yourqj son with heavy clubs, beating them in a terrible manner. Constable Whitt found the walls and furniture of tht room in which the affray occurred cov ered with splashes of blood. He ar rested one of the assailants near the house, and after a spirited chase he succeeded in running the other one doyvn in the woods. White is suffer ing from a wound in the heatl. Charles Keenan was sent to jail to await tria and his brother gave bonds. L. J. BARKER’S ORIGINAL Cheap Store FOB RY GCODS, AND GROCERIES. Stock always Fresh And we assure our Customers that OUR PRICES ARE AS LOW AS THE LOWEST FOR THE SAME QUALITY OF GOODS Call and be convinced that we ask yon to pay the debts of no one else . We guarantee to sell as many goods 1 for 10 cts., 25 cts. or $1.00 as any other house in the city. L. J. BARKER, S. E. Cor. Washington and Laurel Sts., BRIDGETON. 8r xoo 8 Illuitritions, .nd most complete wer published on ge Hirds and Par descriptions of id how to cure ! the best styles of ] e are illustrated ;es given. There itructions for the itoftheaquarium. of 6iuall pet ani pigeonsand dogs, >y are worth. Cleaning and Dyeing The finest fabrics, without injury to the tex ture. All garments Cleaned and Dyed without ripping. Gentlemen's Fine Suits Cleaned or Dyed and Rebound and made to look as good as new. Ladies’ Coats, Dresses, Shawls, Table and Piano Covers, Feathers, Laces. Flowers, &c.. Cleaned and Dyed in the most Fashionable shades. Wool, Silk or goods of any texture are treated in a manner that can but give satisfac tion, and at the very lowest prices. JEPPE KNUDSON, ap 3-tf No. 32 N. Laurel Street. ~ BLATCHLEY PUMP! BUY T BEST. B LATCH LEY’S TRIPLE ENAMEL PORCELAIN-LINED OB SEAMLESS TUBE : COPPER-LINED PUMP Do not be argued Into I buying inferior Goode. For Halo by the beat houses iu the Trade. .Manufr, X 308 MARKET ST., Philad’a. Write to me for name of nearest Agent. <£PP a week at home. $5.00 out lit free. Pay I 4)00 absolutely sure. No risk. Capital not j required. Reader, if you want business at which persons of either sex, young or old, can j make great pay all the time they work, with ab- 1 solute certainty, write for particulars to H. j Hallett & Co., Portland, Me. dec 27-tf SILKS! SILKS! SILKS! HALL’S are now opening some Bargains in Black Silk. Among them are three lots at $i, $1.25, $1.50. These are the best value we ever offered for the money; exceptionally good color and WARRANTED NOT TO CUT IN WEARING. A SPECIAL BARGAIN in all colors at 75 cents; cheap at 85 cents. One ’ot soft heavy colored Silks at $1.00; sold last year at $1.25. One lot 21 inches wide, very heavy, $1.25; worth $1.50. | SUMMER SILKS! SUMMER SILKS! In a great many different styles, 37 i-2c., 45c., 50c., 56c., 60c., 65c., 70c., 75c. up. Novelties in Dress Goods, At the right prices. HALL’S, 26 South Second St., Philadelphia. CARPETS! FURNITURE! Call and examine the stock of Furniture and Carpetings, At our new warerooms, 1022 and 1024 Market Street, Philadelphia. C. 33. SCOTT &c CO. Late of Second Street, but entirely removed. mar 13-3m s3mf THOMAS M. LOCKE. C. C. STEWART. 939 CARPETS. 939 All Kinds of Carpets, Oil Cloths, Mattings, Window Shades, Rugs, etc., etc. Parties furnishing will do well to call on us and examine our goods before buying. Special inducements to cash buyers. We respectfully solic it a share of patronage from our New Jersey friends. New Store. LOCKE & STEWART, New Stock. 939 MARKET ST., PHILADELPHIA, (second door below Tenth St.) mar G-3ms3mf Paintings, Engravings, MIRRORS, ETCHINGS, Sill of tf\e G^ouq^, BEAUTIFUL PICTURE FRAMES EARLES’ GALLERIES, 816 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia PRICES FAIR AND MODERATE. juneS1.ly spring Carpets! JOHN BROMLEY & SONS retail department. 915 Market St. Philadelphia. Now open for inspection a full line of every description of Carpetings, from all COTTON to FINE WILTON, made expressly for our Retail Trade. PRIVATE PATTERNS, and of extra weight, at very reasonable prices. 3iiyr3r:R,:isTA. carpets, zratgs-s, mats, Exclusively ouh own make. The largest and most varied assortment to be found in the United States. All goods warranted and our invitation extended for you to call and examine* * our stock, whether you purchase or not. ap 10-3ms 3f JOHN BROMLEY & SONS, 915 Market Street, Philadelphia.