Perrysburg journal., December 05, 1891, Image 6

About Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965

Image provided by: Ohio History Connection, Columbus, OH

                
"WHERE IS HEAVEN?"
"Whoro Is HoavonI"
The honry RngB
Wrltoa with tho Jowolod poll of njol
"Aftorouroiuthly rnco Is run
"Tls still beyond tbo setting sun."
"Whoro is llcnvcnl"
Tho pouts sny:
"'Afar, tlio orb of cmllcis dny,
Plorclns tlio mists of ilonlli nnd Kloom,
Xnlnts hallowed rainbows o'or tbo tombl"
"Wboro Is Ilouvoti?"
Tho mlti9treVs luto
Jit dumb. Its muster too la mute
.Paling before tlio solemn thought,
Uo falls to find tho notus bo sought.
"Whcro Is llcnvent"
Tbo artist rlos
;To sketch, In fnney, Pnrndlso,
And christens, cro his trnclngs cease
'An Unknown Koalm" his masterpiece.
"Whoro Is Heaven t"
In mild surprise
A ohlld lifts up Its trustful eyes
And ltsps: "Whoro God Is, Hoavcn Is there,
And God Is lovo nndovcrywhorol"
Govor Knltlowoll, In N. Y. Observer.
eOJfcjJte!
E is a daisy.
Tho first dny
ho camo in an
swer to our
advertisement
for "a boy to
malto himself
useful," he was
so frightened
that ho scarce
ly could speak,
and so modest
that red paint
was nothing to
his blushes.
Poor little
fellow, standlnrr so humbly, and reply-
tng so respectfully wlillo tho usual
questions wero being asked, we all
pitied him, and did our best to placo
him at his ease and lighten tho ordeal
ho had to go through.
How his hand trembled as ho put
down a row of figures to add, and how
gainfully careful he was to malco good
ones and write a few lines at the end in
beautiful schoolboy style.
Then, when wo told him wo would
Plot him lenow on tho morrow if ho was
accepted, liow politely ho bowed with
. stveet and thunkful smile and walked
trislily away.
Wo ell fell in love with tho little
angel at onco and congratulated our
selves that wo had discovered such a
"-treasure
Tho next day, after getting tho no
'fcico that ho was engaged, ho promptly
uppearcd, and, being given his desk,
Btarted on his career of usefulness.
He kept us busy all the day supply
tng him with something to do.
lie was a perfect steam cngino for
work, and tho quickness with which he
finished a task and then cried for more
was wonderful, and it taxed our ingo
' amity to tho utmost to satisfy his ef
fort? to bo useful.
His errands were run with lightning
speed, and his docility was most re
freshing. He oven refused to take a
whole dinner hdur, saying that half
was plenty, and when it came the hour
for closing tho store he seemed truly
sorry to be oblige'd to go home.
Tho next morning he was around
waiting outside for tho storo to bo
open, in his engerness to be early and
'useful.
For about a week the little model of
-wlrtuo set us all an example of prompt
ness and Industry and goodness.
His face shone with delight when
anything the harder the better was
jiven and his alacrity and swiftness in
doing errands was rather more than
wo wanted.
He was always anticipating our
-wishes, and his overwhelming polite
'oass and respect won the hardest heart
l'OOIl LITTLE FELLOW.
TCn the establishment, and aroused such
love and admiration for his noble qual
ities that we all felt moro or loss jeal
ous from the attention ho recoived
jfrotn tho house.
We feared ho was on the road to bo
rjjromotcd over our heads and got in tho
rfirra while wo weve thlnkiug about it.
After ho had been with ua a fort
night wo began to notice a change
coming over him.
Ho was a little less anxious about
'Betting over bo early and leaving so
tatu, and ho showed less desire for
work.
Ho seemed to know us a little better,
too, and seemed to feel less in awe of
those above him.
His tone of voice became a shade
louder, and ho laughed moro frequent
ly, and sometimes too heartily, at our
Jokes.
Instead of waiting to be spoken to
1uforo answering, ho began to make
remarks himself and mix in our conver
sation, and soon tho whole dinner hour
became not longer than the thought
.necessary.
Still wc loved him, for ho was yot
i-qulto polite und agreeable.
At tho ond of a month, however, ho
commenced to expand and assume airs
of self-importance which wero uu-
called for, to hay the least
He no more culled us Mr. Jones or
Mr. Smith our first names wero easier
-or him to handle. The head of tho
jflnu b tleuljfaatcd as tho "old man,"
1 XxZr r
f
VL
nnd ho gavo original and funny tltl6
to ovoryonc. Tlio head book-koopor
"old pen-wlpor," tho 'cashier was "old
nlckel-in-tho-slot," and tho Junior part
ner was "hlgh-eock-n-lornm."
The odor of cigarettes began to bo
painfully npparont in his vicinity nnd
soon ho would coolly light ono nnd pufi!
it with composure on his wuy out of
tlio storo at closing time.
Ho used to run on errands and jump
when spoken to.
Now In tho mornings, always a littles
late, ho leisurely sauntered in and his
first duty was to stick his feet up on
his desk nnd read tho nowspapors.
When ho got through, nnd not bo
fore, ho put them on filo, remarking
that tho "boss" had more tirao to wait
for the news than ho had.
Then after writing Ills very impor
tant private letters and trying to inter
est us with his political opinions nnd
criticisms ho commenced to "make
hlmsolf useful."
Instead of promptly heeding tho dl
rcctions and requests of those over hint
as at first ho seemed to becomo nflllctcd
with a most convenient difficulty of
hearing.
Not till after the questions or com
mands wero repeated moro than onco
did ho deign to notice thorn, and then
in tho slowest and most provoking man
ner possible did ho reply.
His object, skillfully hidden undernn
assumed Inability to hear or understand,
was to have his own way nnd tako his
own time and, after a few wrestles, ho
succeeded in making us tired and be
ing loft alono to do as he pleased.
When tlint plan didn't work ho be
came a bit sarcastic and "sassy." and so
before long, inplucoof his being afraid
of thoso above him. they grow afraid of
him and treated the little terror with
much consideration.
Of course, ho know their fear, nnd
was merciless in taking advantage of it.
No matter how ho was snubbed nnd
sat down on, his freo nnd awfully easy
manners incrcascdkday by day.
Ho whistled all the tunes ever in
ventedall tho louder if he was asked
to please keep quiet. And when ho
wasn't whistling he hummed tho music,
nn hko.yn to drisss in style.
which was harder to bear, for his selec
tions wero not as fine as our artistic
His dignity kept pace with the rest
of his beautiful ways.
huuu usueu, uvuu uy iud uriu, to
hurry, ho simply looked tho contempt
he felt nnd went slower,' if possible
But, half an hour before his time to
go, ho not only hurried himself, but
mado tho others, too, for he let all
hands know that ho was not going .to
be detained by their work not being
finished.
Ten minutes before the closing hour
ho was off, und not one dared as much
as hint for him to stay till the rest
were done.
He also began to dress in the style
becoming to a young gentleman of his
culture and position in society.
Ho couldn't wear a collar high
enough nor carry a cane big enough.
And when ho walked comfortably in
ono morning, late as usual, under an
immense high silk hat, with kid gloves
on his ink-stained fingers and a flower
in the buttonhole of his Prince Albert
coat, nono ventured to lot him see
tho smile his glorious appearance pro
voked. But he got to the end of bis rope at
last
With his invincible freshness and
cheek he interviewed the firm ono day
in tho private: office on the subject of a
raise of salary.
He stated how much the cost of liv
ing had increased since he had begun
to make himself useful, and how hard
ho worked and how difficult it was to
fill tho position of importance ho had
accepted, and that in tho near future
he contemplated; matrimony and con
sequently ought to havo enough to
support a family.
When ho sneaked meekly out of the
private office with flushed faco it was
evident thrtt his demands had been re
fused and that tho grand bounce act
had been performed.
So he packed his traps, and, never
saying a word, stalked angrily and
with much dignity out of tho store, to
the immense joy and satisfaction of
those he loft behind him.
We havo since heard that he ts
married and being supported by his
father-in-law who has our sympathy
in his affliction. II. C. Dodge, in De
troit Freo Press.
Munchausen Vindicated.
Baron Munchausen may havo been
slandered after. nil. Some of the things
said about him would have disgraced a
candidate for office, and his reputation
for veracity has long been declared the
very'revcrso of good. Yet ono of the
baron's bo-callcd whoppers was simply
a talo about roust pigs running around,
with knives and forks in their ribs,
begglug people to cat them. And now
it turns out to hi historically true thai
after tho Caspian sea was overflowed
by oil in Jul 1 "0, and had caught fire
and burn . tys, its cntlro surface
was coi ' . til dclicabsly-roastcc'
fish, Mich . so in honor of wilier
Master IT' .u Mllon wrote his great
"Ballade I t Fish." It is novel
too Into I or to tho memory o
a great in" V, World.
d )eap.y j jp
WAR REMINISCENCES.
A CURIOUS RELIC.
now Orn. .Jnclciox'a Ifoiit Wns Stolen
Ifrom tlio I'rlRiUo Constitution.
Jin recognition of vnluablo servlcos,
and also as an honor offered tho wnr
Uko president, patriotic nnd grateful
Boston plncod on tho bow of tho frigato
Constitution a marvellously woll-carv-od,
life-size flguro of Gon. Jackson.
Tho most skillful carvor of thoso wood
on statues was employed, and gavo tho
flguro a vigor of poio and llkoncss to
tho original seldom found In such work
A long, full cloak fell from tho shout
dors, ono hand was thrust into tho
broastof tho coat and tho othor grasped
a scroll; whilo tho hoad was hold proud
ly and oao foot slightly advanced gavo
tho general an energetic and command
ing posturo, whon with befitting cero
monlcs th"y firmly fnstoncd the figure
head to tho bow of tho bravo ship.
The milking and placing of this flguro
head was ontlrcly tho doing of the pres
ident's political supporters and f rionds,
and thoso opposod to tho presidential
policy warmly rcsontcd tho action.
Enemies of Jaokson insisted on tho
flguro'n removal, but tho old frigato
calmly bobbod vp and down in tho
bluo bay. tho flguro of "Old Hickory"
gazing sternly seaward, and for a timo
nothing at all was dono by thoso who
wished the flguro removed.
It was in Boston bay that tho myste
rious unloading of tho tea ship had tak
on place many years before; and early
ono July morning tho old town, tho
Constitution's crow and her officers dis
covered to their consternation that a
second curious and secret attack had
been mado over night
Gon. Jackson's wooden hcadhad been
sawed off just along tho upper lip and
was not to bo found! No spector, but
a very human hand had wielded tho
saw that accomplished tho wicked
work, and a half-hcadlcss figure faced
tho sea from its placo on the Constitu
tion's bow.
Tho ship's company, as well as of
ficers of tho law and reporters of insig
nificant newspapers, went searching
nnd advertising for tho elovcr scamp,
who, evading the ship's guards, had,
under the cover of darkness, committed
the peculiar crime. A long and caro
ful investigation did not bring tho
criminal to justico, though Commodore
Elliott offered ono thousand eight hun
dred dollars reward for any informa
tion concerning tho act
A year later the Constitution camo
down to New York bay and a second
head, mado for tho purposo, was quiet
ly bolted on in placo of the lost one.
Gen. Jackson's administration closed
not long after, all excitement over po
litical matters abated, and nowadays
tho famous figurehead can be seen at
tho Annapolis Naval acadomy, where
there aro many others nearly as well
known.
So much for tho flguro; but now for
tho lost head which hod so mysterious
ly disappeared from its place.
Three years after the unexplained
decapitation In Boston harbor a man.
Capt. Dewey by name, and a native of
4Cape Cod, asked for an interview with
Maiden Dickcrson, tho serctary of the
;navy. To tho secretary's surprise,
faapt Dewey produced the missing half
i of Gen. Jackson's head. After receiv
ing tho secretary's assurance that no
punishment would be laid upon him,
Capt. Dewey proudly told his story:
Near midnight he and a friend rowed
out In a small boat to where tho big
vessel lay, and by tho aid of a rope and
the hawsers contrived to scalo the tall
bows. With over-watchful eyes and
ears for the not too vigilant guards,
Capt Dewey crept out over the water,
and, hugging tho general close, plied a
small, sharp saw. At tho first attampt
tho saw struck a bolt that fastened tho
head to the body; but on the second
trial he cut his prize entirely off. low
ered it to tho little boat, slid quietly
down, .and rowed away, chuckling over
his own clovorness and tho surprise in
store for the crow and town. Partisan
ism and a lovo of exciting and adven
turous undertakings led him to risk his
lifo in the adventure. Margaret Bls
land, in St Nicholas.
MOSBY'S EXECUTIONS.
Kemlnlscencos of an Adronturo With the
Noted Guerrilla's Uuiid.
They had stopped at several houses
on the way, and taken bodcords off tho
old-fashioned corded bedsteads with
which to hang us. My name was first
on the death roll, and had attention
been paid to that I would havo been
tho first man executed; but in tho
search of a tree upon which to hang
us the line was placed in su'.-h a posi
tion that I was the fartherest man on
it from tho tree. Tho first man was
gotten up, his hands tied behind him,
a bedcord doubled and tied around his
neck, no was marched to a largo treo
b?sido the road, from which a limb pro
jected. Ho was lifted In the air, tho
ropo taken by one of tho men on horse
book and tied to the limb, and there he
was loft dangling. Two moro woro
treated in tho samo manner. It took
some considerable timo, and our exocu
tioners wero becoming uneasy, not
knowing what minute a party of our
troops would pass that way; aud thoy
decided, as thoy said, to shoot tho
balanco of us, as "This hanging is too
slow work." So thoy immediately
ordered us to get up, when to their dis
may thoy found there were but threo
of us where there should have boon
four. It afterwards .turnod out that
ono of tho men had gotten looso from
tho lino, nnd as wo passed over n ditch
in a field had dropped into tho dltoh
and escaped. All this oceurrod oa a
dark rainy night iu Novombor. Our
hands were tied bohlnd u with heavy
bedcord. I was complotoly exhausted,
not .feeling that it would have been
possible for mo to havo walked a hun
dred yards father; but I succeeded in
f roeing my hands, not because I oxpeot
ed to escape, but having seon ' men
on battlo-flelds who had evldon tally
used tholr hands in their dying mo
ments, for their comfort or relief, I
thought mmo might do tho same forma
ITavlng reached tho treo wero the threo
men woro bunging three eonfodoratea
ttepped'out in front of tut, and said to
thoso bohlnd us (wo wort, now standing
sido by side, tho thrco of us); "Got
away from behind thcro, boys." Whon
I said: "Is this nil tho show you nro
going to glvo UH?" ha ropllcd: "it is all
you nocd, you Ynnkec," when tho thrco
revolvers wero placed in our faces.
The rovolvcr on my right went off, tho
revolver on my loft wont off, and tho
rovolvcr that was in my faco failed to
explode. Theollckof tho hammer on tho
tubo wont through mo llko an elcctrlo
shoclc . I caught my breath, raised on
to tho balls of my foot knocked tho ro
volvcr to ono sldo, lilt him In tho head,
jumpod over him as ho fell into tho
road, and thoy sang out: "Thcro goes
tho big Yankee!"
I soomed to And now life, and went
at tho speed of a streak of lightning
down tho road about ono hundred
yards, whoro I entered tho samo woods
thoy woro in nnd climbed a shollbark
hickory treo. Climbing is a feat I had
never been ablo to porform whon I was
a boy; bnt I havo dono a great deal of
hunting nnd I do not think I over saw
a squirrol go up a troo faster than I
went up that one. Hero I remained
until I hoard thorn ride away, whon I
camo down and started for Winchcstor,
which I gathered from tholr conversa
tion was directly west on tho road
alongsido of which thoy had loft my
comrades hanging or shot I avoided
tho road until it began to get daylight
when, feeling that I was as safe in tho
road as elsewhere, and tho walking bo
ing much better, I camo out onio tho
road proper, two miles from tho placo
of tho oxecution, whera I discovered
tho man who had been shot on my left
with a shattered olbow. On receiving
tho wound ho had fallen down and
thoy had gono off and loft him for dead
after kicking him in tho ribs and
rolling him over. This man's name was
noffnaglc, of tho Ono Hundred and
Fifty-third Now York. Ho was very
weak from tho loss of blood. I walked
along slowly with him toward Win
chester until it got quite light, when ho
insisted that I should go hide myself
until night as a recapture meant death
for me, and ho would make his way to
somo houso to seek assistance. I re
plied, "I will stay with you until I find
you assistance," allowing him to
lean upon me. Wo , approached
a large, weather-beaten house,
at tho door of which I knocked
and demanded admittance. In answor
to a quory, evidently from an old wo
man, as to who was there. I stated that
I had a wounded man with me, a Yan
keosoldicr, who needed assistance. Tho
reply camo back, "Walt a moment and
I will let you in." It was scarcoly more
than a moment when a very old and
poorly clad woman, with a saucer in
which was some grease and a rag in
lieu of a better light opened a door and
admitted us. I told her who wo wore.
She said: "Have no fear. I had throo
of Custer's men In my houso whon
Mosby's men were looking all over it
for them, and I had two of Mosby's
men concealed in my house when Cus
ter's men were looking for them. Any
ono who comes to mo for assistance
gots it if I can givo it to them." I said
from tho bottom of my heart: "Lord
bloss you." N. O. Times-Democrat
SERVED HIM RIGHT.
now a Soldier Oot Even With a Tricky
Livery Man.
In the early dars of tho civil war the
Maino volunteer regiments were quar
tered at Augusta for several weeks
after their organization, to be drilled
and trained before going to tho front
Many of the soldiers were young men
from tho country, in whoso pockets tho
bounty money burned as long as it
lasted, to the great advantago of Au
gusta store and stable keepers.
Two soldiers camo into a livory sta
ble ono morning and asked the propri
etor how much ho would charge for a
team to go to Waterville.
"Six dollars," was tho reply.
The bargain was closed, and the sol
diers drove off. Toward n ght thoy re
turned, and ono of them stopped Into
tho office and tendered the proprietor
six dollars,
"Oh, nor' ho exclaimed, 'your bill
is twelvo dollars."
"now is that?"
"Why, you asked mo how much for
a team to tako you to Waterville, and
I said six dollars; but you camo back,
didn't you? I meant six dollars each
way."
The two friends, after a little confer
ence, paid tho bwindlcr tho twelvo dol
lars, and went away without a word.
About a week later a soldier again
apppeared at the stable office and in
quired: "How much for a team to
iVaU'rvillo?"
"Six dollars," replied the1 proprietor,
not recognizing tho man upon whom
ho had played so mean a trick tho week
before.
The soldier took the team and started
off. About five o'clock in tho afternoon
ho appeared, on foot and walking into
tho office, said:
"Hero's your six dollars for that team
I hired this morning."
"But whero's tho team?" was the as
tonished rejoinder.
"Oh, I only hired it to go to Water
ville, you know. I left it at tho hotel
stable down there. It cost mo six dol
lars to bring it back last week, so I
thought I'd rotnrn by cars this timo. It
Is so muck cheaper, you see," and ho
loft tho proprietor to his meditations
about tho comparative smartness of
civilians and soldiers. Youth's Com
panion. Jack had gono off nnd got himself
lost, and he had nlso found himself and
walked homo. "Aro you not sorry that
you ran away and got lost?" asked the
paternal ancestor with a tone of grief
androproval. "I wasn't lost" "But
nobody know whoro you was." "I
know whore I was myself." That Bot
tled it A boy that knows where ho is
himself can never got lost
Accountod For, Jones That lust
lottor you sent mo was poorly written,
misspelled and nothing but a confused
jumble of words, with a few punctua
tion marks thrown over it wlthou'i rule
or reason. Axlama Yen, 1 know It I
dlotated IU
FASHION LETTER.
Tlio latest Tailor Clowns nnd Other fltyl.
Islt. Costume.
Bpoelnl Now York Corrosponflenco.l
riio latest tailor gowns aru made
with coat bodices thnt reach tho knoon
in length, and landing modistes bollovo
these to bo a forerunner of tho old
stylo doublo skirt Anothor novolty In
tho Brummoll overdress, long and
straight, and much rcsetnblinga dlrcct
oiro coat This stylo garment is to bo
worn with a bell skirt, either round,
for tho promenade, or dcmi-tralncd for
houso dress. Its fronts, In coat form,
aro cut vory long, ending In points, and
they turn bnck
in largo rovers
from tho boll
front of tho un
derskirt, giving
a princess effect
Tho back is
shortened con
siderably, and Is
slashed bolow
tho waist to al
low tho full soft
folds of tho un
derskirt to es
cape. Tho ro
vers of tho coat
fabric pass over
tho shoulders,
and almost moat
in tho back.
Thcro is a hand
some vest of.
some rich con
trasting mate
rial, nnd tho sleeves aro made to match
it with deop cuffs of tho coat fabriu.
Tho brilliant reds, tho deeper wines.
brown? galore, dark greens and iron
gray aro tho chosen dyes of tho winter
season, nnd iron gray in the new reps
and Itcdfords is very popular. Woolen
broches aro now. Of these, the chev
ron and Himalaya broches are worthy
of mention. Some of the English
flecked woolens show combinations of
color that are exceedingly chic and
pretty. They aro much used for winter
traveling dresses, tho general tone be
ing fawn or gray splashed with red,
bluo or brown. Tho coat is mado of
plain faced cloth matching the color of
the fleck in the goods.
Ono of the very smart gowns of tho
season is that of red cloth of tho now
taurcau sliauo so
popular In Paris
this season, both
for dresses and
long wraps, vests
and military
coats. Those
gowns are mndo'
with black velvet
bodices, fitting
llko a glove on
full figures, arid
shirred full in yoke
shapo on slender
forms, the shir
ring sewed to tho
brilliant red yoke.
The gown is fur
ther brightened
with rows of glit
tering cut jot
gimp. Other gowns
of green and mar
quise brown aro
made up in similar former with a deeper
shade of velvet, with deep bodice, bell
skirt and full sleeves. The sleeves of
cloth are in bishop style, drooping over
cuffs of tho velvet The skirt is fin
ished at the edge either with a puff of
velvet, headed by a very narrow stand
ing frill, or a fiat bias band with a row
of bronzo or jet gimp at the top.
At present there is no indication of
skirts bcitig made shorter The demi
train will re
main in vogue
just as long as
tho three-quarter
coat and tho
deep b a s q u o
bodice prevail.
Very ladylike
and stylish
dresses of soft
rich Venetian
cloth aro mado
for informnl
dinners, and
afternoon visits
nnd receptions.
Also fawn gray
and beige col
ored ta 1 1 o r
gowns of faced
cloth, combined
with chevron
striped silk nnd
wool fabrics,
tho silk stripe of a gay color, tho alter
nate and wider stripe the shade of the
cloth.
Ono stylish costume is formed of
gray cloth, striped diagonally with
gray and geranium red. It Is shaped
with a demi trained princess back and
cui'ass basque front Tho cloth collar
is lined with very dark red volvet and
is cut to flare out beyond a close bilk
collu ". Tho sleoves of the striped fab
ric taper to tho wrist and there are a
few gathers in tlio forearm at tho ol
bow, making soft folds above it Tho
skirt is in umbrella shape with a ruche
of tho striped silk at the hem. Tlio
coat portion down tho front und edges
Is finished with a roll of very dark gray
fur.
Block velvet princess coats, with
basques, or slashed to the waist, aro in
high fashion this buason, and they will
bo worn all winter, variously decorated
with passementerie, fur, feathei
bands, lace nnd jot They aro a very
valuable acquisition to a wardrobe, as
they can bo made to do groat service,
and thoy aro nlwayB elegant and lie
coming. A CORNER FOR THE DOCTORS.
An average of four perrons dlo daily
in England from delirium trcmena.
Tins newest anrosthctlc is named
"pontal," discovered by Prof, von Mor
ing in Hallo. It is a preparation of ter
tiary amyl-alcohol, and is for small
operations only.
A Hay City (Mich.) family were takon
with alarming Byraptoms after eating a
quantity of English walnuts. The phy
blcian called said that they had been
poisoned with minute particles of prus
bIo acid, which bad formed in tho kernels.
wo
Ilifiii! f
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. ;
"Excnso mo, Mrs. Hnsharoft," said'
tho prociso boarder, "but thero is no
moro milk In tho croam-pltchor. Imtt'
anapolls Journal,
Cora "You'vo nevor boon ovor
the world much, havo you, John?"
John "No." Cora (yawning) "You
ought to travel." N. Y. Herald,
"What makes the policemen tako In
so many tramps?" said ono of tho pro
fession to another. "Cos it's so easy,"
was tho reply. "Thoy knows wo won't
run." Washington Post
Five thousand broom-handles a day
aro mado in Shiocton, Wis., and tho
married mnlo Shloctoncr never stays
out at night longer than nine o'clock.
Kicks So you think tho ministers
practlco what they prench." Hicks
"Why, yes; they preach sermons, and if
you lived near ono you could hear him
practising a week beforohand." Lowell
Citizen.
"Blnx's conscience Is a pretty un
steady affair," said ono young man
about town to another. "Yos," was tho
roply, "It seems to have a load on it
most all tho time." Washington Star.
"I'm sorry you don't llko tho new
nurso." she said to her husband. "Sho
is so good about singing to baby and
keeping him quiet" "Yes," was tho
reply, "that's just It; I rather hoar tho
baby cry." Washington Star.
Moro Than She Thought Mrs.
Burapus "You aro so mean that if I
wore to dio I don't think you would
glvo enough to put a decent headstone
at my grave." Bumpus "O, yes I
would glvo a good deal to put ono
there." Brooklyn Citizen.
Lucky to Got Off So Easily. Jono
"Smith, did you ever find a red car
at a husking beo?" Smith "I did, nnd
two more after I got homo; my wlfo,
you see, happened to bo there, too."
Drake's Magazine.
A GoodCandldate. Captain "So
you want to try for tho rush line. Ever
played boforo?" Grcenman (from thei
country) "No; but I've done shopping
for ma on bargain days." Captain
"Go put on a suit I guess you'll do."
Harvard Lampoon.
"You aro most entertaining," ro
mnrked the gallant old gentleman to
his fair partner at dinner. "I assure
you that I envy your future husband."
Tho maid turned an appealing face
toward him. "Would would you mind
Introducing him?" she asked.
"No," said the sad-eyed man, "I
never press a young woman to play
upon tho plana I tried it onco to my
sorrow." "Why, what followed?"
asked a half dozen eager voices. "Sho
played," replied tho sad-eyed man. "I
shall never forget the lesson I learned
that day."
No wonder! "Can you tell mo
where I can go to hear some good hing
ing?" an eager-looking guest asked of
the hotel cleric "I haven't heard any
in ten years." "You haven't!" ex
claimed tho clerk. " Whcre've you
been? Traveling iu Africa?" "No; I'vo
been on tho road with a comic opera
troupe." N. Y. Sun.
UGLY GUM CHEWERS.
If Not So byNntura Thoy Ilecnms So by
Pructlcuof the ulKtirUm.
Tho inquiry that has often becn'mado
and never hatisfactorily answered 1st
"Why Is it that a beautiful woman is
rarely found addicted to the gum chew
ing habit?" If sho is, sho certainly
nevor makes an exhibition of it in pub
lic places. It may be that she realizes
the fact that tho process of mastication
does not enhance tho attractiveness of
the human face, hence has tho good,
sense to take no chances of disfigure
ment Anyone who will take the trouble to
observe will noto that tho gum chower
is Invariably homely enough to stop a
street car without pulling tho belL Tho
samo rule holds good in every public
place where tho gum chewing woman
Is met
Physicians havo condemned the habit
as physically hurtful, but this has had.
no effect in restraining the jaws of tho
gum fiend. Perhaps, howover, tho
opinion very boldly expressed on Stato
street tho other day may havo a moro
efficacious effect A couple of" gentle
men were conversing whon a well
dressed girl came tripping by.
"What a pity that every ugly woman
who chews gum can not bo stricken
with lockjaw."
"Did you cvor see a handsome- woman
chewing gum?"
"Como to think, I never did."
"How do you account for it?"
"1 don't account for it, I only repeat
the fact"
This was a sidewalk opinion as to at
least ono unfortunate homely gum
chewer. Chicago Herald.
Not Mi reuccful iis We Srem.
Wo aro supposed to bo a peaceful
nation, but wo have had our fair share
of strife, foreign nnd domestic. Since
tho revolution there havo been wars
with England and with Mexico, with
Tripoli and with Algiers; broils with
Paraguay and Coroa, aud a gigantic
civil war; rumors of wars with France,
England, Spain and Italy. There havo
been the John Brown raid, the Barn
burner and Fenian rnids to Canada,
many incursions across tho Mexican
border, and the filibustering expedi
tious to Cuba and Nicaragua. We havo
had tho Whisky and Shays rebellions;
the election, draft, railroad, recon
struction, and sundry serious city riots;
wo have had well on to two hundred
dcadlly Indian fights und many awfnl
massacres. Wo have lost moro men in
aotivo war sinco 1770 than uny nation,
of Europs. This is a startling record
for a peaceful people. Forum.
Keep llusy.
The secret of success in llfo is to keep,
busy, to bo persevering, 'pationt anil
untiring in tho pursuit or calling you'
aro following. Tho busy 'uos may now
and thon make mltitakes, but it is hot
ter to risk them than to bo idle aud in
active. Keep doing, whether it be at
work or booking recreation, Motion is
lifo, and tho busiest aro tho happiest
Cheerful, uctlve labor is a blessing.
An old philosophor bays: "Tho firefly
only shines whon on the wing; no It is
with the mltid; whon onco we reit, vy
drken." British Printer.