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i An Earnest Trif ler In Gotham. d -t it., ii. ck.i.1 n. i .Au ncnauaonvc ui wc iiuisc oiiun lira iuu and the Jersey Cow The "Tickler." IFtom Our New York Correspondent,! IME was when jhady bypath. Between the concus- tlie Horse Show. i0n and tho fright the valuable nnl- wlih a capital II mal was rendered temporarily lndls- and S In those posed, and her sordid owner sued the days, was one of doctor for damages and " got them, the chief social Even that did not put the brake on splurges of tho madam's activity. She kept on wheel metropolis. Then -Ing until the fad began to decline, a ghastly lapse. Then she resumed her rather beconi- The horse show Ing negligee nnd her couch, of last year was not even a re spectable ghost of Its former self. The Garden was there, ctvernous and uubcautiful, as usual. There were horses, troops of them, Even the crowd was present, ns bizarre almost as the orange aud black hung audi- torlutn. But where was the smart set, nnd especially where were the Four Hundred? I have asked a question which It is not lHilitlc for me to answer, but I don't inliul saying they were not at Madison ( Squnio Gardeu. Why? Not because the noblest four footed friend of man through all the centuries had be- , , come otherwise. I CTi '- " ' not because the automobile h a d made horseflesh less admirable, not because the eult of the pre vention of cruel ty to animals bad revolutionized so ciety not for any one of these reasons nor for many another that might sug gest itself to a man with a thinking appara tus in need of renovation. The reason why I had to write the obituary notice of the horse Bhow when I felt like doing an uu-tihed of its play- reserved paean tiii.no. of Joy over the complete political over- throw of an enemy who had an ainbl- tlon to use tho splendid and overcapl- j tallzed statehouse at Albany as his business headquarters the coming win- ler was because society, big, capricious , kid that it is, had tired of Its play- thlng. But It could not forget Its toy, which that the tickler Is an apparently Ill it had uot thrown into the junk pile, nocuous device consisting of a tuft of but had laid carefully away on the shelf. When the longing for it be came unbearable society simply stretch ed out Its long arm and ro-emliraced It with an extra hug. Which remind me Mraugo thin::, this association of Ideas, isn't it? that today Is the tenth anniversary of an episode which Impressed me ery profoundly at the time. To facilitate matters, it whs ten years ajro today that I was made the lodging place of an opprobrious epithet because I had the prescience and the courage to prophesy that the craze for bicycling would not endure that It was an In- i flated fad which would not admit of further expansion. It was a heroic thing for mo to do, and I ncver quite could understand how I managed to do It. Iu the heated argument that followed my antagonist so far forgot himself ns to say I cannot tell what, but It was something that made him infinitely distasteful to me, aud I bided my time. I had not long to wait. Ills wife, who practically had been bedridden for several years, was seized with the prevailing epidemic, rose from her couch nnd proclaimed her lnteutlon to , ride the wheel. He had become so reconciled to her inactivity that her 1 sudden return to real life was a nosl- tlve shock. That was my revenge No. "my ANiMosrw towahd nrn husband uieu a budukh iiEAiu. 1. My revenge No. 2 followed In im- mediate proximity. Madam was obeso nnd not Inclined toward beauty of countenance. Tuts uta not uissuuuo her from decldlug on bloomers, and mtiAti atiM vn n rl n lint flra( n nriAfl Tft ni .when she made her first appearance on a bright yellow bicycle all my ani mosity toward her husband died a sudden death. But madam went right on overdoing tho revenge until the excess of aaUa- faction was actually burdensome Sho navigated that wheel from "rosy morn : till dewy eve" and sometimes consid erably later. Her friends did not ap- ; prove of the miracle of her rcstora I tlon, and some of them said things. I Her husband was a physician, and It was awkward for him to explain how It all occurred. Finally a material catastrophe hap- ' peucd. One day while speeding ' through a sleepy Hudson river village I madam came In conjunction with a ! 1 ,i Li Tn ,r. mild eyed and recumbeut Jersey cow enjoying her noontide rumination in a One of the things fur which I have never yet heard anybody try to ac count Is the Gotham vibrato. I could if 1 would explain why it is that the male falsetto sopranos that Infest the Venetian canals warble lu that ex- ecrable fashion, but I cannot under- stand why any ablebodled inhabitant of this progressive city should want to imitate them and In doing so pro- , duce n tone suggestive of the "help "MT PASSIOX FOn ISVESnOATIOH OVER CAME UK." me or I perish" Idea. That Is precisely what very appreciable quantities of young women endowed by nature with charming voices are doing today. I-nst Sunday a lamentable Instance came within my observation. At church during the singing of the first hymn my attention was attracted and correspondingly distracted by a remarkable vocal effort which was in progress in the pew directly behind - me. ii cviueiuiy came irom a woman with a volco strong, true and sweet, i but so shaky that it suggested extreme , old age. My first impulse was one of unqualified admiration for the owner of a voice so well preserved and still so youthful in its quality. It is not conventional lu the church I attend to look behind one even for purposes, ' of scientific observation, and I did not .violate the code until the closing hymn, i Then it was that my passion for in- . rcstigation overcame me, and I turned Just enough to see that the singer who . had interested mo was a markedly at- tractive young woman of not to ex- ceed twenty summers. According to Jacobus Dauim, for whom his Knickerbocker blood has done so little, the most demoralizing feature of a demonstration such as occurred In the vicinity of the great metropolitan newspapers on election night Is the "tickler." To avoid con- fusion, let It lie understood right here feathers fastened to the end of a slen der stick a yard or so In length. It Is nis ourricisM is that ir doisn't tickle. only when this absurd little piece of mechanism Is exploited by some mis- chlevous and good looking maiden that "s real danger as a menace to dignity several omer main- uunuuics uiscioseu. It Is uot for that reason, however, that Jacobus Datum Is so pronounced ogamst the tickler. Ills criticism is that it doesn't tickle; that It fulls to accomplish the end for which it was , Intended. It doesn't seem to have oc curred to him that his own pachyder matous exterior is nt fault; that its 'possibility of being affected by any. , thing less positive than the sting of a ' yellow Jacket has passed forever. - To my taste the great nssembly hall In the main building of the College of the City of New York is tho noblest interior in America with a celling un- supported by pillars. Some of the legislative halls In tho newer capltols nro more pretentious nnd even more ornate, but tho big English gothic hall of tho college surpasses any of them In dignity nud architectural coherence. Certainly no American seat of learn- Ing has anything at all comparable With It. About the only other example . recalled br it is the city hall of Brus- , golSi Buch n Bplcnda architectural re- ( Hultoutsldo of ecclesiastical effort, tnat; is is made possible only when tho public treasure nnd a good deal of ja at tho back of tho enterprise, Qno of tho most distinctively credlta Dj0 things done by the municipal au ' ai ia.1 - m ia.i I n i thorities of Gotham during the present generation has bcen to provide the mtlUons to rear the beautiful group of buildings dominating Washington heights. STUYVESANT BROWN. SIRES AND SONS. Beth low succeeds James It. Morne lu tho presidency of the American Asiatic association, now eleven years old. The Duke of Argyll baa hurt the i feelings of ihc Highlanders by saying .lint nn itinn nrox atvtt alimit.l nimnnp Jn ' . ., ,-, "ep7?n,,ntfl,vc Lc"" K Morsf r JtarorWII is the owjier of one of the lurgest bulls In the world. Banjo weighs more than 4,000 pounds and stands higher than the tallest horse. Chester S. Lord has beeii managing editor of the New York Sun for twenty-eight years. He Joined the paper In 1872 as a reporter aud for seven teen years was under Charles A. Dana and enjoyed his confidence to the end. non. W. S. Fielding, Canadian min ister of finance, raises nnd spends $100,000,000 a year on a $7,000 salary. Mr. Fielding is the only prominent member of the old cabinet that gnth- ered about Sir Wilfrid Laurier In 1S0G, having held his position twelve years. hnvlng held his position twelve years. Clerk James McKenuy of the su preme court of the United States re cently celebrated the fiftieth anniver sary of his entering the clerk's oflico. Mr, McKcnny entered the office iu a subordinate capacity, but he has held the poslton of clerk for twenty-eight years. The Jews of Austria are elated at the appointment of n coreligionist, Major General Eduard Bitter von Schweitzer, to the rank of field mar shal. This officer, who lias seen over forty years' service, was born of poor parents nnd entered the array as a private. Short Stories. Of those who die only about 11 per cent are Insured. The postal business of the world Is J increasing 7 per cent per annum. The first alarm of fire by an electric telegraph system was given at 8:30 p. rn. April 29, 1852, In Boston, ti. oti nf nm.nn.i.1 i First National bank was formerly pur- nlinvnil fur n lnf (if lilnpl.' tin Inflnntq theu much , f.lsulon The wages of the coolies who rai.-ie tea lu Ceylon vary from 8.33 to 11.C0 cents a day. They are, however, housed free and get ike at cost prli-e. A statistician who hits taken the trouble to figure It out says that the average married couple may figure on about -1,194.000 descendants iff 500 years. No receptacle has ever been made ; strong enough to resist the bursting power of freezing water. Twenty l10UIld stoei shcs navo bcen rTOt asun dcr as tllouSh made of Pottery. Recent Inventions. A Canadian Inventor has patented a combined comb and razor to trim hair more rapidly and evenly, A Kansas carpenter has patented a device to be attached to a saw to blow nway the sawdust. A piston, struck by tiic wood being sawed, sends n cur- rent of air through a curved tube. A Brooklyn man has secured a pat ent on a spiked driving wheel and run- ncrs to replace the ordinary wheels aud convert an automobile Into a mo tor driven sleigh when snow Is on the ground. 1 A new flying machine Invented by a Russian military cnglneeer is said to lift weights live times greater and to carry them at higher speed than the aeroplanes of similar power owned bj other European nations. British Briefs. The first submarine boat was tried In Plymouth harbor, England, In 177-1. Tho wooden counter Is nlmost uni versally used In tho United Kingdom In place of the glass showcase. In the wild asses' house nt the Lon don zoological gardens tho first kiang ever bred there has been born. The kiang Is the largest species of wild ass in existence and is a native of Tibet and Mongolia. Almost any steamer afloat In the merchant service can now go to Man- Chester, England, the uecpemug or tno ship cnnal to a uniform depth of twen- ry-eigut lect unviug oeeu eouipiuieu after over three years' continuous work. Household Hints. After trimming turn tho wick of a lamp below tho burner or the oil will ooze. Boll new coffeepots lu borax water and clean water kettles in tho same manner. Paraffin used on tho tops of preserve glasses can be saved until tho next Beu80n by washing in cold water nnd putting in n tin box with a tight lid. when broiling steaks In the gas oven put wnter ,a tue ,, beneath the broil- cr It catches nil grease, which when coM can bo skimmed off. This keeps tno oven elean nnu saves iau0r iu Ceanlug tho pan. . The RoySl BOX. Tho crown princess of Montenegro . is tho champion royal lady wrestler of all Europe. ( Prlnco Edward of Wale3 is a splen- did nthleto and ono pf the best boxers in hla class at school. Ferdinand I. of Bulgaria Is a dis tinguished student of botany, a great ornithologist, an omnivorous reader nnd a connoisseur In all matters of art. The most 'popular girl, without doubt, In Germany Is Princess Vic toria Louisa, daughter of the kaiser, iwho Is a pretty maiden of awoet sixteen. HUMOR OF THE HOUR It Didn't Coma Off That Time. ' Bl!;y had been taught that it Is a sin . to lie, so of course be never meant to tell n He. Whenever he did stretch the truth, which- occasionally happened' lu spite of his good intentions, he did bo merely through the exuberance of his lively Imagination. One day just as ' Billy perpetrated one of his whoppers the recently mended bee! of his shoe , came off. His mother noticed that the j accident and the lapse from truthful- j 1 t. ...1 ' n luuiini. . "There," she said severely; "see what ,",ueullr' 1"ul'1 10 ,uau ,m- j mu, Bome ono Balu ,, wag snort nanued happened lo you its a result of your i except on Sundays, when she could go for tho haying next week. Is that so?" wickedness. Hereafter wlienevcryou to church under his eagle eye. , "Yes. Ho can hardly get help, but tell a falsehood something terrible will It may' lie that Fanner John's Ideals what" The sound of approaching happen to you." were rather exacting. Rosybel thought 'wheels threatened Farmer John's nr- "Will my boot heel always come them so nnvway. To her there was ' r,val nnd ,ier Question was not fin off ? asked Billy. "Quite likely," she nothing absolutely wicked about a pipe ,shed- replied. "If it Isn't that It will be , of tobacco, especially If the pipe were Early Monday morning a stranger something equally bad." 0f tnc rakish type affected bv young aPPHed to Farmer John for work. Ho Vnr snrornl il.-irs after Hint Blllv i. i.-.j i . n ' " wore heavr. sliver rimmed sncctacles. talked but little, and what few state-1 mcutg bc dM make wro carefully , . ti..i !.... weighed beforehand. One day upon his return from school he became less cautious and entertained the family with the account of an Incident that had enlivened his trip home. The story seemed quite plausible, and no oue would have thought of doubting his veracity had not Billy, after- looking at the heel of Ills shoe, exclaimed trium phantly: "There: it didn't come off that time anyhow." New York nerald. Discreet Prophecy. "Why do you invariably predict tho coldest winter we have had In years?" "Well," answered Professor Blather ton, 'if It comes true' people neces sarily "give me credit for great wisdom. And If It doesn't come true they are too thankful to bold any grudge." Washington Star. A Cause of Joy. Jamie was begging his father for a seconu ueiping ui preserves. nura i , I t -A Il1tl. 1 was a boy," said his papa, "my father only allowed me to have one helping." then asked, "Aren't you glad you live with us now, daddy?" Deliver Repub lican. Easily Suited, She I prefer a man of deeds. He Then tnke me. I'm a lawyer. One Advantage. "I found that I was smoking too 'much, so I changed from cigars to a pipe." rnf vrw cnmlrrt nil lniii' nAiv . "Yes, but one has to stop now and then to fill a pipe, you see."-CIevcland Leader. was iiuuui. v ui uuu iiiuiK, "I nua Hobo Logic smoking, except nt times when he re- Tlrcd Tlmothy-I never ask a crust !"0VC,!1(V,e I'"10 "nd "acchnna ........ ,,.., Han ditty about n stein on a table, InguidLewls'-Don't youse? ' Bjnd her father nM-,,.1 Timn.i,rvn. t niiors nsir d t hear, for he nlways voted no for meat, 'cause den I'm shore uv git tin' de cold shoulder Chicago News. Both Guesses Wrong. Algy But I weary you, Miss Capsi cum. I'm a great talker. Miss Capsicum On the contrary, Mr. Feathertop, you don't weary mo nt all, and I find your small tnlk very diverting. Chicago Tribune. Strictly So. Magistrate-Is tho assault of which the .,rS0Uer is accused one of gravity? Lawver-Indeed. it is. Your honor! It was at tuo top of hm luy Cnct wag stl.ucki ami uo roiicd to the bot- tom.-Bnltimore American. Possible Explanation. Mrs. Biggs My husband seems to bo lost In thought about half tho time. Mrs. Dlggs I suppose his ideas are so far apart that ho can't help getting lost on tho way from one to the other, St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Hors d'Oeuvres. Indignant Patron Why, this is an outrageous price for Just n small plain dinner, Bland Proprietor-You forget, sir, , ml:rC,y 01 ,nlCr J o , t th. woods "Vo.r? lo , nnro of coward than "You're lots moio of n coward than I am." declared the squirrel ".Maybe, but I'm not nearly so much of a tall bearer," answered tho rab bit, wiggling its noso insultingly. Kan sas City Times. Season's Changes, Patteuco Is ho 'getting ready for winter? Patrlce-Oh, yes. He's broken off his engagement with his summer girl. Yonkers Statesman, Chance For Information. Myer A friend of mine has invented a submarine telephone. Oyer Now I supposo we'll soon know what the wild waves are saying. -Detroit Tribune. THE WOOING OF ROSYBEL. By KATHARINE K. CROSBY. CopyrlBhted. IMS, by Associated Lttcrnry Press. Farmer John considered him a most nu,odiy young man r (he yard 'n and forbade him to TTrt ntcn fnrlinitft hts . ...... - , ... ,. . . , , pick Melton had been to college. In- lloC(1 hL A n wn, ,,nrelv a f,)rtn.it old. Now he was touring the country after a fashion all his own In tho lrora lorn Btrnw ual lo suiuwi uuu. search of amusement. Farmer John was nearsighted and He told his father that he wanted to ncver interested In matters of person see something of life before entering nI1'- He chuckled afterward over the upon that glorious political career 1 fiotHl U'lrgalu uo had made, for In nd whlch his doting parent saw stretching dltlln to tuc uorse nnd hayrack which before his eldest born. e man offered along with his services Now, touring suggests a gay nnd fes- hc wouId fnrnlsb his own meals, tlve motor car, all red enamel and ,n "!d that this was unusual, staring brass work, but Dick had es- 1 10 stranger said, but he had lndiges- .ii .....,ut. " n nn tlon and could only cat his own cook- VIIVT,, OU II 1IIUI(ll1 HO III! IW i 1 monplnce. He was touring in a hay- rack. Besides Dick there was in the hay rack a variety of commodities a plU of boards of assorted sizes, for in stance; n couple of canvas contraptions which when you gave them a chance evolved Into a cot bed and a lounging chair; a nickel plated pall, which could bo transformed by some miracle Into ' ,.,rf ,iid, ,tn. n mnii .,,, ' mnat lmnnrtnnt , . n. Iha sort pnrrlm1 nho b wnnderlnir evnusellsts. t?,,,,,.. ini. ic,i i,ta that the young man who had dropped Into church from nowhere at all and walked home from the meeting with his daughter Rosyhol should not enter his premises on pain of death via bulldog Towser Dick was rather pleased than otherwise, nis vacation bade fair to furnish more entertainment than he had an ticipated. Moreover, hc was really very much taken with Itosybel, who i was not only the prettiest girl whom i he had met with In his travels, but was also blessed with a sense, of hu i mor. This is an adorable combination, hard to resist. I The nfore mentioned edict was pro- nounced on Sunday evening, when Dick again presented himself to see j Rosybel home from meeting. On Mon ! day morning the hayrack drove Into the field which was bordered In part j by the neat white palings of Farmer John's homestead fence. I The field did not belong to Fnrmer John. Quite near the fence, In the shade of a big elm tree, the young man proceeded to assemble the boards which, he had taken from the hayrack. It happened that Rosybel's garden had run sadly to weeds over Sunday, and she was obliged to spend consider able time out there on Monday morn ing In consequence. As the garden was between the house nBd Particular part of the fence , the c m tree stood, sho could not ,,e " Bieel"i5 w,lnt !e, 8 ,Dan iicciisi:. J For another thing, tho young man was building a house, which In her part or tne country is not oiten gono about no. casually. Thcro was, how ever, neither pounding of nails nor noise of saw. Tho birds sang undis turbed In the branches of the elm tree, and -the hang bird In her nest watched him without alarm. When Farmer John camo In from the fields nt noon ho snorted at the sight of hts new neighbor. By this time the houso was nearly done. Dick was hanging tho front door, and thcro remained only tho piazza steps to be put In place. When Farmer John camo In from the fields nt night the camp organ was hard at work on the piazza. Later many couples came strolling by, un the lookout to see Rosles new fellow. They came to see nnd remained to dance. The grass had been clipped short, and tho strains from tho organ Invited to "Portland Fancy." "Lady of the Lake" and kindred measures. When they had gono. Itosybel Btolo down to the fence from the place nmong the shadows whero sho had Deen waicmug iuu niim-. bui. w iln fonen first, nnd thcro was neither , nor BOng In h8 ps, Bl11- of.1!!3 you m,,s" nave guesseu imu uie.u aa u uuiU oycl SOQS34 lx 1,13 rhC!Jrt' n. 1nlmv,Inf f0f t. T1'1' "'T 1 , dal,Bi,tor of John!" It was not long. howeverf Ueforo they wcro Interrupted ',.v tha voico of this samo John calling - 1 l0dly for Rosle. It now became the favorlto paatimo for lovers, young and old, married and courung, iu gu uuwu to iuu uiu uu road to watch tho wooing of Itosybel. Usually there were music nnd dancing, but once they had a grand candy pull ttftc Channg dish had been unllm- bered and brought into action. On this occasion Rosybel came down from her place among the shadows and "pulled" with Dick over the fence. Tnat WQB tno gayest evening of them I .n tnr Former John was attending a mDlri) meeting over the mountain and no 80una 0f revelry could reach him. 'This has been going on for a week, I and tomorrow Is Sunday," said the ; young man when the rest had gone 1 and his heart was Blnglng songs 1 against the white paling fence. "To morrow Is Sunday, and I should llko to walk home from church with you, Rosybel." "But you can't," provoked Rosybel, "because dad will bo there." I "And three's a crowd, I've noticed. - Do you happen to know, belovedest, ; what Is wrong about your little Dick?" IIVnH.l 1 .1 .1 tl.lnl.. t u. " V ,-f. V" 1 " " juu nru it juun-r uuu uuu i kiiuw uuw to work," "We'll show dad his little mistake. . . . : . . nnd nls nalr vrns slicked down over nIa forehead in a bang. His clothes were "J1 ut a farm hnlld,s shou,d F"er John was delighted, and Rosybel, listening around the corner. did not know whether to laugh or be gjnd at her lover's sense of honor which prevented his eating forbidden salt. Every evening after that they met under the elin tree, and Dick showed her tho new callous spots which the day had brought forth, tho while ho boasted of his prowess In the field Rosybel listened eagerly and let her eyes tell him what she thought of him, which was very pleasant for Dick and made life altogether worth living. By Saturday the hay was well in ex cept from a choice patch of clover which the farmer had been obliged to leave out overnight. It was all sea soned nnd cocked and ready for the fork. The weather had been fine nil the week, and when tho men turned Into their beds nt an early hour there was still no throat of change. In the middle of tho night, however, Dick was wakened by a low rumble of thunder. The young man's first thought was of those haycocks over In the west mowing; his next was to get there before the rain. Stopping only for trousers aud shoes, he rushed out to where his horse was picketed. The moon gavo light enough between gath ering clouds for him to see his way to the field, where hc put In a half hour of such work as he had never known, i even In football season. The hayrack was loaded and undei way for the barn before the rain struck. Farmer John met him In tho farmyard with a lantern ns he drove 1 up In a hurry and stared nt him In astonishment. "Open that barn door, you loafer!" 1 Dick yelled In his excitement, qulto forgetting that he was addressing the father of Rosybel. Farmer John was not used to being called a loafer, but when be came to understand the situ ation ho rather liked It. When tho hay was safely housed nnd tho lm.n floop dIockwl ue tavltea the , t t, , t fl off . TlierS he bustled about nnd built a fire In the kitchen stove, nnd while Dick was toasting his feet in the oven tho old man surveyed him thoughtful ly. Presently ho Inquired mildly: "What do you do for a living, young; fellow?" "Going Into politics," Dick responded modestly. "Grange or capital?" demanded Farmer John. It was a crucial ques tion. "I'll stand for the farmers every time," Dick assured him, and that set tled It. Tho two wcro earnestly dis cussing the ownership of wild lands when the sitting room door opened nnd Rosybel appeared. Neither saw her, and presently the conversation took a jnoro personal trend. Tt I iirwlnt-atnnrl naVnrl ITftmlflr JohUi you,re t'aU.,ng Qf Rosybel to finish your education for j , ,.w,m consent, yes," replied ( Dlcl. pontey Sno c(m ;each ft lQt Women i foIks most)y can Welli gce,nff flg , ,vo thQ maklnBg of a fnrmer lf poll. , tcg faU SUQ can havo th(J jQb Bhe wauts jt .. ; A me gasp from the grl brought thom botu t(J thcIr fcet Dlck.a ,nter. Mt ,Q tho farm vcreug m ws for thQ momcnt ,n nbovnnco ns Uo crossod ,ck, t0 her sI(, , ..-,.,, dnpa ,., .., nnsvhii.. ho demnuded tenderly. Farmer John picked up a caudlo and stumped to- wart tho back haiVdoo "Usually, beglus 'bout September ' round these parts," ho grumbled ns ho mt " at on tho t . u, Sumiav Q WOuld tomotou, church alone wn,..l '.m0 " ?.m...c... " 1. ,n?.' " . .r" V"L if Jt nnd D)cUi nftor tUo WQy of meDi TO not at too many, pains to set her right. A Self Made Woman. Oliver (Irritably) That woman would differ from tho Lord himself. Olivia Bhe has already dono so. Oliver In what way? , Olivia On a matter of form. Judge. Thud. Green I shaved off my mustache yesterday. Brown-Xe I noticed. Quit i aownfaU, wasat K Wudge.