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Our collegeß have at least $100,000,-
000 whence they derivo the incoino for their support. The New York Sun wants the nnmo of the city changed to Manhattan, which, it thinks, would moan some thing. Colonel Waring, of New York, states that ho can clean asphalt for two thirds the cost of cleaning granite blocks imperfectly. In the Loo Choo Islands in the Pacific, though there are neither ve hicles nor public lighting, the inhab itants have letter boxes and tele phones. The fruit and markot garden busi ness of the South now brings into that section $50,000,000 a year and the Atlanta Constitution predicts that in the next few years it will be doubled. Recent statistics show, especially in European countries, that the number of horses used in cities and towns iu creases every year in a moro rapid proportion than the population of tho fame, and is owing, no doubt, to tho greater number of public conveyances ind tho trafllo steam and electricity bring. The Soldiers' Colonization Com pany, of Indiana, has just bought 113,000 acres of land in Wilcox and Irwin Counties, Goorgia. It is esti mated, in the New York Tribune,'that 5000 families, or about 30,000 per sons, will settle within the next two fears on the land which has been bought. It is the intonlion of the col onies to settle on farms of sizes no eording to their means. Thoy expect to bo prepared out of their present savings and resources to tide over tho period between this harvest season snd the next. In addition to farmers, the oolony will include nrtisans, fruit growers and others seeking moro fav orable labor, climate and health con ditions. They will come from Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, lowa, Nebraska, Wisconsin and other Western States. The company purchasing tho prop erty is a joint stock organization formed several years ago, an l num bering about 7000 stockholders. As sessments have been paid in at inter vals, nnd the stockholders will con tribute their paid-up shares in pur ehaso of farms in tho section bought by tho company. Keport is made of a new application of electrioity which will drive a first class ocean steamer aoross the Atlantic it an expenditure of S2OO, whereas it now costs SIO,OOO. It is a tale of magnitude, surpassing that of tho Australian kangaroo, which is larger than the animal it grows out of, but there may bo something in it. Ho many wonders havo been wrought with this unseen, mysterious force that the promise of a new ono, no matter how groat, need not excite in credulity. It is reasonable to expect It to be applied to the propulsion of ill sorts of craft, ooean or other, but uch a saving of expense as that prom ised is beyond anything heretofore dreamed of, and there may be some mistake about it. Its economies need not be so extreme to enable it to rev olutionize tho commerce and business of the world. One thing about the deotrioal force is apparent, and that is that its work is only begun. It is to spread through the whole system of man's activities around the world, with influences upon his caroer and destiny not yet measured or measur able. According to the Now York World tho farmer who has bay to soli this year will find it a paying crop, aud generally through tho States east of tho Alloghanics there has been ouough rainfall to bring tho yield nearly to the average. But iu the valleys of the Ohio, the Upper Mississippi and the Missouri a deficiency of from six to eleven inohes in tho rainfall during the spring months has made tho grass crop unusually short, a large propor tion of the meadows being soarcely worth outting. The hay crop of last year was nearly eleven million tons less than tho crop of 1833, and the prospect of another and much greater deficiency in tho marketable surplus has put a fancy price upon the avail able supply out West. Farmers oan generally provide for homo use a sub stitute in the form of oorn fodder, or eke out a deficiency of clover and tim othy by turning under winter wheal stubble and sowing millet. But o shortage in the hay crop is a big loss to the country. The farm value of this crop of 1893, according to the statistioan of the Agricultural De partment, was $570,882,872, or more than twioe the farm value of last year's wheat crop and $10,000,000 more than the value of last year's com •rop. OUR BOYS AND GIRLS THIS IS THEIR DEPARTMENT OF THE PAPER. Junint Sayings and Cute Doinga of the Little Folks Everywhere, Gathered and Printed Here for All Other Lit tle Ones to Read. The Punctuation Points. Six littlo marks from school are wo, Very important all agree, Filled to the brim with mystery. Six little marks from school. One littlo mark is round and small, liut where it stands the voice must fall; At tho close of a sentence, all Place this little mark from school. fine little mark with gown n-trailing, Holds up the voice, never failing, Tells you not long to pause when hailing This little mark from school. If out of breath you chance to meet, Two little dots, both round and neat, Pause, and these tiny guardsmen greet— These little marks from school. W hen shorter pauses are your pleasure, One trails his sword—takes half tho meas ure, Then speeds you on to seek new treasure, This little mark from school. One little mark, ear-shaped, implies, "Keep up the voice—await replies," To gather information tries, This little mark from school. fine little mark, with an exclamation, Presents itself to your observation, And leaves the voice at an elevation, This little mark from school. Six little marks! Re sure to heed us: Carefully study, write, and rend us; For you can never cease to need us, Six little marks from school. -St. Nicholas. An Odd Foster Father. "Roll" lives In a very comfortable way out on Warwick boulevard, in Kansas City. He is a water spaniel and one of the fattest dogs in town— and bo is not such a heavy eater. lie is simply so good-natured that lie gets fat 011 nothing but a good conscience and an even temper, says the Star. At "Rob's" home are many chickens, and they all look up to "Bob" as tlieii foster father. A queer friend for a chicken is a big, fat water spaniel, bill the chickens don't care what or who he is, he is Just "Bob" to them. There Is a brood of motherless chicks who are seldom away from him if they can help it. When he lies down they climb —- OLD "liOll" AND HIS FRIENDS. upon his hack, which is so broad as tc resemble the big, flat pad on the hack of a circus horse. They crawl upon his bend and peck at his oars, lie does not shake them off. and they hang OK tight when lie walks slowly around 1 lie yard in Ids lazy way. When lie lies down they nestle In near ids paws, and he will remain motionless there for a half hour at a time. The motherless brood are getting u he big fellows now, but they have nol deserted liini, although a brood oi younger chickens have come up t< climb his back anil peck at ills tongue and the end of Ids nose. It is astonish lug to see the care and gentleness oi the old fellow when the chickens art near Idm. Ploying Circus. —Chicago Inter Ocean. "You're It." Boys, do you know why you say, "You'reit!" whenplaylngtag? Of course not; the professor didn't, either, when we asked him the other day, hut he promised to put Ids entire mind upon so important n subject and let us know at once. This is what he says, though with some of his big words left out: "The people who live over in En gland do not think much of the lettei 'h,' being in the habit of dropping ii from the words where It belongs and putting it where it does not belong What fun there is In it, or why do they do It, no one cau tell; hut they have been in the habit of it for a good many hundred years. "So, when they played tag, as boye do now, touching each other with tlieii hands, whenever ono bov hit anotbci he at once shouted out: 'You're 'lt!' for he could not say 'hit/ you know. "And all the generations of little boys who have since then been play ing the game continued to say "it,' in stead of 'hit,' even after our fathers learned in America to always put their It's in every other word where they belonged. "Now, boys, let me whisper a word of warning. Don't tell your teacher what the professor says. If you do she'll never give you any peace, but will rap on tho window at every recess and tell you to say 'hit,' instead of ' 'it.' " —New York Recorder. JAPANESE M. E. CHURCH. They Dedicate Their Edifice Krectcd in America. The first Japanese church in America was dedicated in Sun Francisco receui ly. Its outside is of brick, plaster and wood-carving. Its congregation con sists of lino Japanese Methodists, with n few Japanese girls of various sizes in charge of Miss Hewitt as chaperon. FIIIST JAPANESE CUUIICII IN AMEHICA. Inside there is a strip of Japanese mat ting in the aisle and chairs take the place or regular seats. The pulpit has a gay red carpet, and there is a red cur tain between the choir and the au dience. There are Japanese vases ol dull blue pottery with a stork design full of flowers. The church itself Is In the uppet story. Below are the eliapel, school room and olHces. with the dormitories of the mission In the rear. The mis sion boys have Intelligent, well-bred faces. "MAN OVERBOARD." A Lively Little Jolte, lint It Cost Him His Baggage. "Steamship passengers frequently re sort to practical jokes to relieve the monotony of voyages," said a retired sea captain yesterday, "and while the pranks, as a rule, are perfectly harm less they sometimes have a boomerang effect. Three years ago we were cross ing the Atlantic and both the owners and myself were exceedingly anxious to make a speedy trip as a rival liner had tlie week before lowered the record held by our company. On the third day out, Just about dusk, the cry of 'Man overboard!' rang through the ship, and a hurried investigation elicit ed the information that several of the passengers had heard a splash, follow ed by piteous appeals of 'Help, help save me!' The engines were stopped, and the steamer put about, a close watch being kept meanwhile for (lie drowning man. A hulf hour was spent In cruising about without results and we started on our journey under the belief that the poor fellow had gone to tlio bottom. The Inquiry that followed proved puzzling. No one was missing, and we came to the conclusion that a stowaway had committed suicide. "The next day, however, an explana tion came. We had a ventriloquist aboard, In tho person of a very smart young mnn, who wns too tickled over the success of his joke to keep the se cret. "Then tho laugh was on him. As he hud caused a serious delay and much annoyance I notified him that I had made an official entry of the circum stance on my log and the loss of time, and that 011 approaching shore I would detain him until a sufficient guarantee had been put up that he would answer in court to reply to a demand for finan cial restitution. I talked of $50,000 being about the penalty under the Gov eminent mail contract, and it Is need less to say he spent the balance of the voyage on tenter hooks. He disap peared before we docked, leaving his baggage behind."—San Francisco Tost. His Job Tile w Through Ilfs Whiskers. A story is told of a Philadelphia hotel keeper. Employed us a porter about the hotel was an elderly man named Mike, who had been an attache of tho hotel for eight years. His most prom inent feature and one of which he was very proud, was n heard of luxuriant growth. One day last week Iho pro prietor of the house was pacing the lobby when Mike happened to pass. Tho proprietor was in a very disagree aide frame of mind, and lie stopped and looked at Mike with an evil light In Ids eye. "Come here, you," he yelled at the porter. "How long have you been here?" "Nigh onto eight years, sor." "Well, you've been here long enough. You needn't come back to-morrow. I'm tired of seeing you about." The poor porter was thunder-struck. He went to his friend, the day clerk, and told him all about it. "What'll Oi do?" said be. "Ol've a woife and family tur t' support, an' Oi can't got another job." The clerk thought for a minute and then said suddenly: "I have it. You go home and shave off your beard, and then go to thp boss and tell him you hoard lie needed a porter." Mike fol lowed the advice next day and secured the situation, becoming his own suc cessor. The proprietor has never sus pected the trick. hacked the Opportunity. Itev. San Jones, In Omaha, recently asked any man present who had never spoken a cross word to his wife to stand up. A round-faced, good-natured looking Individual with a beard stood up. "Thank heaven, there's one man who never said a cross word to his wife," said Itev. Sam. "I'm a bache lor," shouted the round-faced man. THE FIELD OF ADVENTURE. THRILLING INCIDENTS AND DAR ING DEEDS ON LAND AND SEA Killed a I 1I K Rattler With Ills llarc Hands—Exciting Rescue of a Drowning Wau. VAN HES3, of Cannonsville, N. Y., had an exciting light with a rattlesnake tho other day, and though tho snako was killed, Van will not soon forgot his experience. He and several others wero sitting on tho back porch of George Seymour's placo when he saw tho tall grass moving in the field op posite. "I'hore goes a snapping turtle," said Van. "I'll get him, and we'll out the honored name of Hess in his starboard quarter." Suiting tho notion to the word, he skipped over the fence and was soon alongside the body which was moving tho grass. Then the grass stopped moving, and so did Van. An instant later he was coming back to tho store on a run, and from tho looks of his faco the others knew he had run up against a rattler. These snakes have been very plentiful in this section this season, ami have shown fight wherever encountered. But Van was game, and, when, the boys began to guy him, said he'd kill that snake with his bare hands. Go lug into the store ho pulled on a pair of high boots and took tho largest sponge in the place. With this for arms he returned to tho snake, while tho rost of the "boys" came along at a safe distanco behind to watch the fun. The snake was moving oil as Van again approached, but, at tho disturb ance, with a rattle he "sot" for fight. The angry head, which was swaying high in tho grass, gave evidence that tho reptile was a big one, nud the con tinued rattliug showed that he wa3 angry in proportion to his size. Van's uerve was shaken a little, but ho advanced slowly toward the snake, holding tho sponge at nrin's longth. The snake drew its head further back to strike, and as Van shoved tho big sponge at it, suddenly struck its fangs deep into its peculiar moslie3. Tho effort was n surprise to the snake, and with difficulty it releused its fangs as Van backed a step. A socond time tho sponga was pushed nt tho snake, and the head again shot forward harder than before. Boforo it could release tho fangs Van caught tho swelling neck close to tho head with his right hand nud squeezed with nil his power. The snake un coiled, and as Van shoved tho head to the ground, sponge and all, and placed one big boot on it, the twisting, squirming tnil settled arouud his leg in a grip that made Van yell with pain. Ouo of tho other boys, encouraged by Van's wonderful display of cool ness, ran to his aid, nud with a big jackknifo severed tho head where Van's boot held it. The body was untwisted from Van's leg, nnd whon straightened out by tho head, tho body was found to measure five feet and one inch. Au investigation showed that tho fangs of the snako were still entangled in the sponge. Van's method clearly established his reputation as a snake hunter, anil ho wears the nine rattles on his vest as a souvenir of tho encounter. A Thrilling Rescue. Much imperiling of life is demanded in the mid-ocean rescue of a drowning man, nud such an incident always fur nishes intense dramatic interest for a spectator. Tho Baron de Malortie, in a recent interesting work, recalls an exciting scene he witnessed years ago, while crossing the Atlantic. The ship was several days out when, one after noon, he was idly lounging about on the upper deck. Suddenly, he says, I saw a man ap proach the bulwark. He threw over board some objects—we learned after ward that they wero his Bible and a rosary—and followed them with a header into the foaming sea. "Han overboard 1" I cried, but tho storm covered my voice, and I rushed up the bridge to call tho attention of the officer on duty to the accident. Stop 1 half speed astern, and' orders for the lowering of the boat were the allairs of a minute or two. "Volunteers to man tho boat!" shouted a young midshipman, cutting a lifo boat from tho davits. Ten men carao forward for every ouo wanted, and selecting four of tho most powerful tars, tha middy was loworing tho boat whon a young doc tor, qniokly pocketing a ila.sk of brandy for a rostorative, lot himself down one of tho ropes, and reached the boat as a monumental wave was dashing over it. Tho men pulled with a will, nnd tho gallaut little nutshell fought bravely up nnd down tho mountains of angry waters. As to tho suicido, ho was far astern, and only from time to time could wo soo something like a human form emerge on tho top of a whito crosteil wave. Oh, tho anxiety] with which wo wntchod both the boat nud its goal 1 Disappearing altogether at moments, when we feared wo had seen tho Inst of thoso noblo follows, another gigan tio wn,vo would toss thorn up again like a cork. It was exoitiiig in tho ex treme. But tho boat was gaining; nearer and ucuror it came, whilst wo wore slowly following in its wake. There 1 tho dootor throws a life-bolt. They aro only somo yards off now. But no, a cruel wavo has tossed them past the object of their tremendous efforts. There they aro thi owing round her noso; they aro tnoking; tho middy has passed tho rudder lo an old quartormastcr, nnd nrinod with boat hooks, he nnd tho doctor stand ready lor notion. Anothor second and the life belt is hooked; the man is grasping it jla perately, but ho has no strength left; there he slips---all is lost, just at the critical moment. But who is that jumping overboard! Three cheers for tho brave man—it's tho doctor I But he, too, disappears. Are there two victims instead of one? No, no ! And there—hurrah!—there is the doctor, his precious burden be fore him. The men pull liko mad to reach tho two ere thoy sink again. Tho gallnnt young middy is watching for the right moment. More life-belts aro thrown, thoy help tho doctor to keep above water; another pull and the boat-hook has done its duty, nud whilst two of the meu stick to tho oars, tho others are busy dragging rescuer nud rescued on board. The long, cold bath, the fright nnd the proximity of death had wonderfully sobered tho would-be suicide, whom remorse for a drunken spree had driv en to this mad freak. It did not re quiro many restoratives to bring him to, and two hours later ho had an op portunity of recapitulating his adven ture iu diro solitude, having been con demned to be kept in irons for the rest of tho voyage, a well deserved pun ishment for exposing six valuable lives, tho lives of six heroes, indeed, in this perilous venture. Dying Luke Short's Shot. "Oue of thocoolost pieces of bravery I ever wituessod was enacted nt tho depot at Wankomis, Oklahoma, in the fall of 1892," said J. T. Demon. "Duko Short, a United States Deputy Marshall, had arrested a fellow ol' tho name of Dittlefield, a membor of tho famous Daltou gang, and was taking him to Wichita for safo keeping. Dit tiefield was securely bound hand and foot, and wns lying in the express car on a north bound Rook Island train. Short was sitting by him, and his close vigil was a guarantee that iu due time liia prisoner would bo safely lodgod behind tho bars in tho couuty jail at Wichita, where ho would bo beyond all possiblo hope of escaping. It was before the Chorokeo outlet had been thrown open for settlement nud tho country aloug tho lino of tho railroad between Hennessey auil Caldwell was one wide spreading stroteh of prairie which was not broken by a binglo homestead or settlement. The small depots which had been erected wore moro to accommodate tho soldiers than for any other purpose and a sol dier agent appeared as each train passed by and recoivod the mail and express consigned to that particular station. "As tho train in question pulled slowly into Wankomis that memorable evening, Short leaped from tho ex press car onto tho platform and stood looking to sc-o if any effort would be made by the members of the Dalton gang to release Littlefield. The latter had ru some manner worked his shackles looso from his hands and nr the train startod to pull out grabbed the messenger's Wiuohosler nud also leaped to tho platform. He no sooner steadicd]himsolf than ho raised the riflo and shot at Short, who was stand ing near tho engine making ready to climb into tho express car. Tho ball struck Short iu tho abdomen and he fell in a heap. lie was fatally shot and seemed to roalize it at once. I was a passenger iu tho smoker nnd at oneo started for tho door to seo what was tho matter. "As I gained the lower stop I saw Short, who was ns palo ns death itself, deliberately raised himself on oue arm and, pulling his big six shooter, lire.l nt Dittlefield, who was fast getting away with tho irons still on his feet. The shot was a difficult one, but being made in all the desperation of a dying man's agony, was also a true ouo, for hardly had the Hash from therovulver faded away when tho fleeing desperado was seen to throw his hands high iu the air aud fall dead. Short, after his effort, roloasod his hold ou tho guu he had so opportunely used aud with a gasp or two also expired. It was an eventful secue and one I will long ro niember, and displayed what sterling qualities aro hidden in the breast o! tho averago man who elects to risk his lifo as a hunter of criminals."—Kansas City Journal. The Servo oi a Customer. A Washington philosopher observes that it is a very good thing in this world to have money, but if yon haven't money—well, some kinds of nerve are a very good substituto for it. For instance, thero's a yotiug fel low who is not as intimately acquaint ed with the look ola dollar as ho'd liko to be, but ho has something as good. Ho wanted a pair of shoes oueo upon a time. He wont into a shop aud wasjfittcd. Then he asked the price of the shoes. "Four dollars," said the proprietor. "Take them off," was tho yonug man's resigned reply. "I'ako them off I can't pay that much. I haven't got it." "'What liavo you got?" "Two dollars." Tho proprietor gathered up his shoes in dignantly and tha young man started for tho door. Before he roaohod it tho shoo dealer was at his elbow. "You can have tho shoes," ho said, "but it's robbery. It's way below cost. Ijust givo them away." Tho shoes wero wrapped up. Tho young man waited till the string was tied aud they were uuder his arm. Then ho gavo tho dealer a $3 hill and asked for tho change.—Atlanta Constitution. T.io Flower ol tho Urilisli Army. Tho Quocu's body guard of Yoomon of the Guard, which Field Marshal Sir Donald Stewart calls tho "flowar of tho British army," is compose! of warrant aud nou-commissionod of ficers who havo had servioo in the field and have a clean good-coudnct record. Each man woars eovoral medals iu roo osjuition of distinguished servioe.—-. New York Sua, AN UNCANNY OCCUPATION. GRAPPLING FOR BODIES OF THE DROWNED AT NEW YORK. The East River's U Jad Recovered by Contract—Prices Received for Looking Up Bodies. RAPPLING for tbo bodies of J / the drowned is not a very at tractive method of getting a living, but one cannot always cliooso an occupation these times, and if the bodies of the dead cau help to keep tho living alive, the end seems to justify tho means. At least this is the philosophic reasoning of Mr. Ed ward Bourdon, who is kuowu all aloug the river front as the right man to scud for when tho waters of the East River liavo claimed a victim nnd tho sorrowing friends want to recover tho romains. Mr. Reardon is an expert at rocovering drowned bodies, and well he may be, for ho has put in a lifetime at the business, and bis father before him carried on tho samo unsavory trade. Theso included rescuing misguided animals who had fallou overboard from boats, fishing up old iron, old ropo und anchors, and searching tho river for floating corpse?. A Mercury reporter who discovered Mr. Roardou sitting ou tho string piece of tho pier ouo day last week found him in a rather despondeut mood. Business was dull and many of tho olcl branches of tho business had become a dead letter by reason of the failiug off iu tho rates. Reardon had just thrown up a job iu disgust. Ho was hired by the father of a child who was drowned while playing ou ouo of tho docks to recover tho body. After a vain search Reardon had re signed iu favor of a rival, who found the body near where tho child fell into the river. *'There ain't nothing in tho busi ness nowadays," sail Mr. Reardon. •'Time was when it was worth a mail's while to go out on tho river nights ou the chauca of picking up floating bod ies. At that time I was paid $lO apioco for every body I brought ashore. This money was paid by tho Coroner, who got $23 for his inquest fee, and after payiug mo ho still had sls clear profit on tho transaction. By and by, tho Corouers concluded that they were paying too much for corpses aud cut tho rato to $5. A mau has to live, so even at this low price I was glad to go lishing for tho drowned, but tho Corouers got another fit of meanuc3s and cut rates altogether, re fusing to pay anything at all for tho recovery of bodies. Since that time tho river has kept its dead so far as I am coucernod, unless I have a contract beforehand. "My usual price for finding a body is $25. I mnko a contract before hand, and whether it fakes me a day or a mouth to find a body I stick at it until my grappling iron books up what lam after. Tho longest timo it ever took mo to find a body was uine days. I remember boiug hired by the father of a young fellow named Galla gher. Young Gallaghor walked over board one night from tbo pier at the foot of Market street. His father, as overybody does under these circum stances if they can afford it, sent for me. I searched tho river for nino days and hooked up nothing but bar rel staves and old iron. After grap pliug for this length of time, I sat down in the boat aud thought matters out. After watching the current care tully aud studying tho docks in the vicinity I concluded that there was room enough for tho body to nave been washed uuder one of tho docks. I got the pole tongs aud began search ing underneath tho dock and very soon found the body. "It is part of my business to make a study of tho currents of the river, and it is only by tho most careful cal culation that tho location cau bo hit upju. Occasionally a body cau be found quite near where the drowning took place, but as a general thing I begin at a spot quite a distance off. In all, I must have rescued at least n hundred bodies iu the river. "Wheu there is nothing to do 'n the body-grappling business I go out grappling for anything I can pick up. This includes old iron (which used to fotch a good price, but doesn't now), lost anchors, boxes or barrels from ships, and anything and every thing that tho river contains that will fetch a price. One day I was hired by a man who had accidentally dropped his watch into the river. My grap pling iron fetched it up in about hall an hour and I got $lO for tho job. At another time I was sent for to rescue a horse. Rescuing horses is a little out of tho ordinary run of busiuoss, but 1 undertook the job. Tho horse had fallen over a pier while attached to a wagon, aud the driver, for some reason best known to himself, had un-" fastened tho traces and let him drop into the water. The animal swam out into tho river and I caught him and hauled him aboard with my ropo and lackle. I had to have five assistants on that job, and wo got $2 apiece when tho money was divided up. Pretty cheap for reselliug a horse alive."—New York Mercury. A "Sleeping If arms v* A German has iuvonted a sleeping harness. Broad straps Rupport the arms; they pass through a nooso ovei the head, so that either arm can be lowered. Tho head is supported by a pad, which is attached to the upper j part of tho arm straps. The back, of ' course, rest against tho back of the ! seat.—New York Dispatch. King ol Korea Invented Printing. M. Maurice Oourant is authority for tho statement that tho invention of printing is due to Htai Tjoug, King of Korea, who had moveablo types cast as early as 1103, —Philadelphia Ledger, love is A COD. tiovo is no bird that nests and flies, Nor rose that buds and blooms and dies, No star that shines and disappear?. No lire whose ashes strew tho years; Love is the god who lights the star, Makes music ©f the lark's desire; Love tells tho rose what perfumes are, And lights and foods tho deathless tiro, Love is no joy that dies apace With the delight of dear embrace; Love is no feast of wine and brea 1, Ited-vintaged and gold-liar posted; Lovo is the god whose touch divine On hands that clung aud lips that kissed, Has turned life's common broad and wine Into the Holy Eucharist. HUMOR OF TIIE DAT. Truth is not strauger than goo 1 fic tion.—Puck. Cultured people are people who know how to look at, you without see ing you.—Galveston News. Mary had a littlo lamb; With her it used to stray, But it fled when Mary rea l her piece Ou graduation day. —Washington Star. Ransom—"Women are wedded to fashion." Ramson "Yes, and they love, honor and obey it, too."—Tit- Bits. Man with the gloomy liver, Cense to deplore thy fate; Get out toward the river And go to digging bail! —Atlanta Constitution. Kate Field tells the girl graduates that cooking is the alphabet of their happiness. Many of them never get any further thau let her be.—Lowell Courier. Tommy's Pop—"Why is it the littlo boy who lives across tho street seems to have no friends?" Tommy—"Why, his father's a baseball umpire."— Philadelphia Record. Casey—"Phat made Mulligan fall off do ladder? Did his fut shlip?" Reilly—"lt did not. Oi told him a joke an hour ago, an' sure ho jist new tumbled."—Philadelphia Record. I lovo to swing upon tho gate, Say, just at eventide; That is, it it will bear tho weight Ofsomo one else beside. —Now York Herald. Principal (to new apprentice) "Has tho bookkeeper told you what you liavo to do iu tho afternoon?" Youth—"Yes, sir. I was to waken him when I saw you coming."—Da heim. Lumleigh—"What makos you think young Phether Wailo is a drummer for a bicycle concern?" Chumleigh "Anybody cau see that. He car ries samples iu his heal." —New York World. Grant "Can it bo possiblo that Hawkins is in lovo with that fat girl? Why, she woighs 300 ut loast." Ilohbs "No; I don't believe lie's in love; lie's just infatuated." Boston Courier. She (in tho art gallery)—"l wonder if my hat is on straight; everybody stares at me so." He—"Naturally they do. You'ro tho most perfect picture here." And now tho cards are out.—Philadelphia Record. Mrs. Mcßrido (eutcriug the kitchen) "Bridget, didn't I see that police man kiss you?" Bridget— "Well, mum, sure an' yez wouldn't hev me lay mesilf opin to arrist for resistiu' an officer, mum?"— Harper's Bazar. Why does the poet look so sad? Why Is his life a wreck? Ho always gets his poems back, Aud never gets u cheek. A correspondent of a poultry jour nal asks: "Have hens enough in stinct to distinguish between a real egg aud the porcelaiu counterfeit?" Wo think they have. A lien mover lays a porcelain egg. Norriatowu Herald. Commuter —"What do you mean by saying that that house is only llvo minutes from tho station? It's fifteen miuutes if it's a second." Real Estato Dealer—"When I said live minutes I supposed you had a bicycle."—Bos ton Transcript. Smart—"Whatever iulucod your undo to marry tho widow of a rum who had been lmuged?" Simpson "He has been married to widows I>;<- fore, and said he was tiro I of having the virtues of former husbauds lluug in his face."—Spare Moments. Husband (whoso wifoliasbeeu reprov ing him for smoking in her presence) "You often used to say before wo wero married : *Oa George, Ido so lovo the odor of a good cigar.' " Wife —"Ye?, that sort of thing is part of a young lady's capital. "-—Texas Siflings, "Do you believe," said the inquisi tive man, "that these poets who write so exquisitely about tho delights of early rising ever tried it themselves?" "Certainly not," replied tho sluggard. "If they had they would never have written in that way about it."—Wash ington Star. "I have come to ask for your daugh ter's baud, Mr. Herriok," said young Waller, nervously. "Oh, well, yo?i can't liavo it," said llerriek. "I'm not doling out my daughter on tho in stalment plan. When you leel thai; you can support tho whole girl, you may call again."—Harper's Bazar. "Doctor," asked the sick man, roll ing up his eyes till only the whites showed, "why is it that in the days when I ate no melons except stolon ones they never bothered me iu the least, and now that I am a mau an I buy my melons as an honest man should, they tie me up in seven kinds of knots? —lndianapolis Journal. Bass "And of which variety is your wife, the cliuging-viue or the self-as- Eertive?" Cass-"A little of both When she wants a new dress or a new bonnet, she generally begins in tho ehnging-vine role; if that doosn'u bring the money, then she changes to the self-assertive, un i- well - she in variably gets the ilrcss or the bonnet." Boston Transcript.