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The Connecticut Legislature passed
at its late session a law requiring tho use of such inks only on public rec ords as are approved by the Secretary of State. The law went into effect on July 1, and a penalty of SIOO is pro vided for violation of the act. Counterfeiting has got to such a pitch in the City of Mexico that the government has determined to insti tute reforms in the coinage of silver. I The work on the new coins is to be finer, and other devices will be adopted in order to make counterfeiting a "hard proposition." Paris is a law unto itself in fads as well as in other directions. For in stance, the fashionable ink there, at present, is violet color. Some men use a golden ink, It is a favorite . plan to use several inks of varied hues 1 in writing a letter. This is thought to be particularly fetching. The Epworth League of the North era Methodist Church is a little more than seven years old, but in that short time it has grown from a feeble organ ization into a mighty army. It now has 17,531 chapters, containing an aggregate of nearly two millions of members, and the Epworth Herald, the organ of the League, has 105,- 000 subscribers. The idea that a country has only ono National flag is almost universal, but generally wrong. For example, Great Britain, her colonies and depen dencies, have 118. Russia comes next with thirty-two and the German Empire follows with twenty-five. The United States is content with seven teen, Spain with five, Turkey with three and Uruguay with two. Mr. John Usher, of Norton, who has given §IO,OOO toward the foundation of a Chair of Public Health in Edin burgh University, once provoked Mr. Gladstone into exclaiming: "I am responsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in this skull of mine, but I am not re sponsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in that skull of yours." The State of Alabama lacks a picture of Governor Israel Pickens to com plete its collection of portraits of those who have filled the executive chair. But there is a report current that an qil painting of Governor Pick ens used to ornament the cabin of an old-time river packet that bore his name, and an effort is being made to dis cover its present whereabouts if still extant. Governor Pickens was elected in 1826. London Invention says that Presi dent Wilde, of the Manchester Literary and Philosophical Society, has offered to the French Academy of Science a sum of $-7,500, with a view of found ing an annual prize to be awarded to the author of a discovery or of a de serving book on astronomy, physics, chemistry, mineralogy, geology or mechanics. He makes his handsome gift in consideration of the numerous advantages reaped by him from French science, pure as well as applied. According to an act of the House of Lords some six years ago, a man has a right to bring his old family pew into the newly built church of his parish, that he may sit in the seat of his fathers. In consequence of this law a handsome English church finds itself in great distress. The graceful build ing has recently been restored in the most approved style at the cost of •about $50,000, and one of the mem bers of the congregation has insisted in thrusting his unsightly family pew in the midst of all this beauty. As the pew is a huge, rude, box-like affair, the vicar is in great distress and has laliored in vain to argue the trouble some layman into a more reasonable state of mind. Harvard College raised money by a lottery as late as 1806. In that year it offered for sale 20,000 tickets at $5 each, the prizes ranging from $15,000 down to $7. The prospectus issued stated that "in the above scheme the just expectations of the publick, and the interest of the University, have been consulted. It is worthy the at tention of adventurers, that the high est prize is nearly double in value to any that has been drawn in this Com monwealth for many years past, though the usual price of tickets is preserved. The Managers solicit the patronage of the publick in general, and of the friends of Literature and tho Univers ity in particular; and, considering the object of the Lottery, they will com bine the prospect of gain with the certainty of benefitting the University, and by lending their aid to the means of education, will promote the best in terests of their country." HOUSTON AS SENATOR. ONE OF THE MOST ECCENTRIC PER. SONS EVER IN WASHINGTON. lie Held KecoplionH Every Sunday for the Crowds That Had Gathered to See II iui—.Change "Wrought in His life by the Woman He Married. When Sam Houston began his life in Washington in 1816, as Senator from Texas, there was hardly a citizen I of the United States who had lived a more exciting and romantic life, or who filled a larger place in the jjojnilar imagination. There was just enough savagery in his dress when he entered the Senate to suggest a wild origin and career. In his earlier years lie had affected much more startling eccentricities of garb than in 181(5. He even came to Washington once in full Indian dress, and when he was President of Texas he habitually wore fancy velvet waist | coats, broad gold lace on his trousers, and instead of a great coat, a gray Mexican blanket. When he became a Senator this theatrical taste showed itself in a waistcoat of leopard skin, a broad sombrero and a Mexican blanket. Houston's habits in Washington were such a contrast to his romantic story and his eccentric appearance that public curiosity was doubly ex cited. To begin with, he was tem perate, thus contradicting all the ; traditions of Indian fighters and fili busters, as well as all the popular legends about himself. This sobriety was not, however, of long standing. Three mouths after his marriage Hous ton had left his first wife, because, it is supposed, she told him she did not love him, and had fied to the Indians and the bottle for forgetfulness. So common was it for him to be dead with liquor that the red men called him "Big Drunk." Long after he became the greatest man in Texas he kept up these debauches. In 1810 he had married again. The young woman, an Alabama girl of twenty-one, had been captured, Desdemona-like, by the romantic life and deeds of this reck less, carousing Othello, and had mar ried him "to save him," as she after ward confessed. Her experiment was successful, for Houston never was drunk after his marriage. More conspicuous than his temper ance were his religious habits. His wife was au earnest Christian, and she labored zealously to bring about her ! husband's conversion. The idea of converting Sam Houston was ju'epos terous to most of their friends, but Houston took his wife's desire serious ly, and in his conduct complied with many of her wishes. He read the Bi ble, said grace, went to church. When he went to Washington in 1816 he did not take his family, but lived alone at Willard's Hotei. Ho perhaps had promised his wife to go to church, for iit once he appeared at a Baptist Church in E street,near the City Hall, and from that time until he closed his term in the Senate, twelve years after ward, he never missed a Sunday morn ing service when he was in the city. He became one of the "Sunday sights" jf Washington, and the church was known as "Houston's Church," as the place where the President goes is jailed the "President's Church." Houston always wore his Mexican blanket to church, if it was cold, a fid frequently he whittled from the be ginning to the end of the service. Whittling, indeed, seemed to be his way of escaping bores and keeping his nerves steady. He always carried a pocket full of Texas cedar and a sharp knife, and thus equipped defied dul ness and care. The crowds which went to the Washington Baptist Church to see Houston usually waited after the ser mon to shake hands with him. He was I fond of these attentions from strangers, , and never failed to be cordial. In the vestibule as he went out he held a sec ond reception for the colored people from the galleries, who delighted to boast that they had shaken his hand. The most dramatic event of Hous ton's life as a Senator was his refusal in 1851 to obey the will of Texas and vote for the Kansas-Nebraska bill. I This led to a bitter quarrel with his colleague, Busk, who had been elected with him as one of the first two Sena tors of the State. Rusk upbraided Houston violently for betraying Texas. The two men parted in auger, Hous ton threatening to challenge Rusk. If friends had not interfered a duel would | undoubtedly have resulted. Finally i i the angry Texan gave up his desire I for blood, but turning on his friends he said: "The Kansas-Nebraska bill may pass, but let me tell you what will be the result. The North will never consent to see slavery in the free Territories—the Abolitionists will elect a President, South Carolina will L Becede, other States will follow her, and we shall have the bloodiest war in , the history of the world. The North I has the army, the navy, the money. I She will blockade our ports, occupy our territory, abolish slavery, put the South under military rule, and finally I we shall have a dictator. There is no hope for us unless it is in the common sense of the masses." Returning to his State he was elected its Governor. Finally the se ■ cession party deposed him, and Texas - joined the Southern Confederacy. , Houston died before the contest was over—in July, 1863.—New York Sun. 1 Napoleon's Waterloo Hat. 3 j The battle of Waterloo, was fought . on Sunday, June 18, 1815, eighty-two years ago. The hat that Napoleon Bonaparte wore on that fateful day is said to be now owned by A. Pasquier, 3 of Lyons, France, who has it elegantly , mounted on a marble pedestal. The j , hat is represented to have been pre ; sented to the grandfather of Pasquier, ' ; who was aid-de-camp of Napoleon, btfore being banished to St. Helena. WISE WORDS. Others see our faults as plainly as : we see theirs. Only the man who looks away from himself has ideas. Some are active, because they fear to be thought idle. We excuse our selfishness by assum ing our greater need. Those who touch each other aro sometimes farthest apart. Happy the man who finds and re moves the particular cause of his mis fortune. It is always safe on this: What God gives us to do, he will help us to do. We get out of temper and wonder why we were ever born; then we get into good temper and wonder why we have to die. Our wisdom is often handicapped | by our cumbersome knowledge, like a 1 medieval knight scarcely able to move in his heavy armor. People never plot mischief when they are merry. Laughter is au en emy to malice, a foe to scandal, and a friend to every virtue. Go forth with a smile on your face, and you will return believing that most people are good natured. Wear a frown and you will fiud plenty of quarrelsome people. A generous friendship no cold me dam knows, burns with one love, with one resentment glows, one should our interests ami our passions be, my friend must hate the man that injures me. Surprised the President. They are telling a story here on a well-known Kentuckian, an applicant ' for office, who had arranged with his Congressman to be presented to the President. "Give me a pointer or two about the etiquette," he said. "Oh, it's simple," replied the Con gressman. "You address him as 'Mr. President* and then add anything pleasant and timely that may occur to you. He won't be able to give us but a few minutes, you know." "I see lie has taken to horseback riding. How would it do to mention that, and then refer to our own stock and express the hope that he may have a good mount?" "For God's sake, no!" exclaimed the Congressman. "Whatever you do, don't talk horses; and of course, steer clear of those kindred topics with us— our pretty women and our fine climate. Be easy and natural, but not conven tional." The man was presented to the Presi dent, when, to his great surprise, the President himself began to talk horse. But the Kentuckian, obeying his Con gressman's tip, said next to nothing in reply on that subject. A few days afterward the Congress man called alone at the White House, and the President said to him: "What sort of a Kentuckian w .sthat you brought here the other day?" "A tiptop one, sir. Why?" "Why, I tried to talk horse to him, and he didn't seem to know anything about horses." The Congressman was strongly tempted to tell the whole story, but as the joke was really on himself he kept his peace. But lie is trying extra hard to get the man a place as a salve for his own conscience—New York Tri bune. Woman's Soprano Voice. The scientist who discovered in the human larynx the anatomical reason why woman has a soprano voice and man a bass one was a woman—Mrs. Emma Seiler. She was a German, born in Wurtzberg. Left a widow with two children to support, she re solved to become a teacher of singing, I but suddenly lost her voice. Then ; she determined to find out why; also to discover, if possible, the ecrrcct method of singing, so that others might not lose their voices. For this j purpose she studied auatomy. She dissected larynx after larynx and spent years in her search, trying to find, for one thing, why women's head tones could reach high C, while men had no soprano tones. At length her i search was rewarded, says the Phila delphia Times. She discovered under the microscope one day two small wedge-shaped cartilages whose action produces the highest tones in the hu man voice. She made her discovery public. It excited great attention among scientists. Her own brother, a ! physician, praised the treatise in the ' highest terms till ho found his own sister had written it. Then he dashed ! it down, saying in a rage that she would be better attending to her housework. Mme. Seller's portrait, a marble relief, is in the posession of the American Philosophical Society of Philadelphia, of which she was a mem ber. She wrote, among other books, "The Voice in Singing" and "The Voice in Speaking." A Calilnrnia lloy Giant. John Bnrdin, a fifteen-year-old Rchoolboy of Salinas, Cal., is, perhaps, the largest boy in the world. He is a baby-faced, modest lad, and plays with other boys who wear knicker bockers. Yet John is 6 feet 5j inches high and weighs 220 pounds. He has grown fully au inch during the past year and will probably be 7 feet tall before he is full grown. His father was 5 feet 8 inches high and weighed only 140 pounds. Siberian Exiles. Siberian exiles are now to proceed by a new rail way, from Tomsk to Kras nojarsk, a distance of 500 versts, in stead of, as formerly, on foot. The journey will thus occupy only forty hours instead of a whole month. The frightful outrnges perpetrated among the convicts at the various roadside "lock-ups" will become a thing of the past, and these lock-ups are to be used as elementary schools. Fccfllni; Sheep fit Pasture. The old proverb that the foot of the sheep is golden is scarcely true if the sheep have only the grass that grows in pasture as feed. But if fed grain or oil meal to fatten them while they are at pasture their excrement will be very rich, and will increase fertility rapidly. Sheep do best on the natural grasses. They will soon ruin clover if allowed to eat it down, for they gnaw closer to the soil than any other domestic ani mal can do.—Boston Cultivator. Fuol For Smokers. Much has been written regarding the fuel for smokers. With a smoker that will burn anything, the question of ease of preparing it will be the main feature with the inexperienced. There is a difference, however, in the condi tion and kind of fuel. The largest bee keepers use and have found sound dry maple the most convenient and best for the smoker. The air passes directly up through the split wood, and very little steam condenses on the smoker, while shavings and rotten wood, steam and rust the smoker. A little perfectly dry rotten wood, fired with a niatch and dropped into the smoker before putting in the pieces of hard wood will, with a little puffing, start a good lire. Some fine rotten wood should always be kept where it can be had quickly in case of sudden emergency, as it can be used instantly when time is of great value.—The Sil ver Knight. Thinning Fruit. In a paper read before the Missouri Horticultural Society, a practical or chardiet paid: No tree should have more fruit on it than it can hold up well and mature to perfection; that is to say, that the trees should not be loaded as to require their being propped, or so much that the branches bend very severely. This checks the growth of the fruit to such an extent as to injure the quality. Every time n tree has too much fruit it weakens its vitality to such an ex tent as to require two or three years to recover, or so checks its growth that it begins to decline and is permanent ly injured. In the production of an over crop it costs the tree more to ripen the seeds than to make the fruit. If from a tree heavily loaded there is taken one-half or even three-fourths of the fruit, there will be more bush els of fruit than there would be if all were left on the tree. By this practice there will bo less poor fruit upon the market, and the good will bring better ju ices and give infinitely better satisfaction. Thinning makes the frnit of much better quality, makes it keejr longer, and produces finer, handsomer, more attractive and much more desirable anil salable fruit. When orchardists shall look upon thinning as important as cultivation, pruning, care and attention, they will succeed in supplying our markets with perfect fruit and of the very best qunl ity, thus increasing the demand, enhan ing the value, and giving vastly more satisfaction to both producer and consumer, Clover Hay lor Hairy Slack. There can he no question but that clover is the best—yes, the very best bay for dairy stocks of all kinds—the calf, the heifer aud the milch cows, fresh or dry, says a correspondent of Prairie Farmer. Good clover hay is almost good enough without grain to keep a cow in milk ami in good con dition. It will keep the heifers aud dry stock very nicely. Of course, if we have no clover liny other kinds of hay or forage may he substituted if properly balanced with grain. I once brought a hunch of heifers through the winter to early spring calving 011 two year-old wheat straw, but I fed very liberally with oil meal. The next best hay for cows that I have found has been very early timothy, cut while it was very green aud just commencing to bloom. I once bad a few loads of Hungarian millet that was a great suc cess. I had sown it early in June, but the weather and ground was so dry that it did not sprout until we had had a good rain in July; then it came up aud grew nicely. It began to head when there was danger of frost, so I cut it and put it away in very good condition, well cured; it retained its bright green color until fed out in the winter. The cows would fairly gorge themselves with it, and the butter from the milk they gave had the June flavor aud color. Sometimes having but a sbort crop of clover I have tried many substitutes. Oats cut green did fairly well when well cured, but I found them difficult to cure. Mine grew ver yrank and contained too much sap and was so thick on the ground that I found it quite impossible' to dry them. I have also cut wheat and rye for hay but the cows ate very little of it, it being not much better than straw. I once bad an experience with peas. Perhaps my poor success was partly due to my inexperience. I planted them on quite rich ground, and they grew very luxuriantly, aud were prob nbly four feet tall before they fell down. There was too great a growth to euro as they should; however, I dried them as well as I could and put them in the lmrn. The man who helped me tells me yet it was the hard est work he ever did, for they were so long and tangled that a whole windrow ■would hang together. They proved too strong a food to he fed as liberally as other hay. That information I gained at the cost of a registered Jer sey heifer and a colt' nearly three years old. I have grown peas with oats with better success. If the peas ripened at the same time as the oats I think it would be a good idea to sow the two together, but the peas that I used be came overripe before the oats were ready to cut. Cornfodder does fairly well as a substitute for clover if cut early and well cured. It is, perhaps, if economically handled, the cheapest forage that can be grown. But while the different substitutes help when we cannot get that which is the best, it is always better to make the main de pendence on clover hay, using the others when compelled by necessity. Clover is no doubt the best hay for dairy stock in regard to its worth as a milk-making food, but it is probably also the most cheaply produced of any kind of forage planted especially for that purpose. It is easily grown, it cleans the land of many kinds of weeds, it enriches the land and puts it in ideal mechanical condition for growing other crops, and its yield ranks among the first in point of quantity per acre. Two crops are most always cut and occasionally a third; otherwise it generally furnishes good pasturage after the second crop is har vested. Farm and (iarricn Notes. A good grindstone is one of the most useful tools on the farm. The strawberry plants will be throw ing out runners, and if the soil is loosened and the young runners placed ill the rows the work of cultivating will be easier next season and fewer plants destroyed. Cutworms prefer to work during cool nights, and they cause a heavy loss of early transplanted plants. When a plant has been cut off search for the worm in that hill and it will usually be found. It is difficult to use remedies to destroy them in a large field. By wrapping each plant with thick paper ail inch below and an inch above the ground the plant will bo protected. The large, coarse varieties of carrots most used for stock feeding are not so nutritious as is the shorthorn, which grows most of its bulk near the surface or slightly above it. As the shorthorn carrot can grow more thickly in the row, it is nearly as productive as the deeper setting varieties, and it is also more easily harvested. Five to six hundred bushels of the shorthoru car rot may be grown per acre. This is a paying crop at the usual price of this root. Farmers who rely upon the fertility of their soil for success may be disap- j pointed if they do not give good prep- j nration and thorough cultivation to I the crops. While the soil may pos sess a large - amount of plant food, yet it must be presented in the most avail able form. Much of the matter of the soil is inert and is reduced by the roots of the plants, but this cau bo done most effectively only when the soil is in tine condition and every por tiou of it within reach of the plant. A Good Reply. During the Apache war in Arizona in 1860 a Maricopa Indian—the Mai'i copas are an agricultural tribe living on the banks of the Gila—rode a hun dred miles between sun and sun to warn a party of well-to-do emigrants that the Apaches had planned to am buscade them at a certain pass. The young Indian volunteered to guide the wagons by another route, and when he had done this he mounted his horse to go home. "See here," said tlie leader of the i train, to the young Maricopa, '.'you j have done us a good service. What is your price?" "My price?" repeatod the astou- 1 ished Indian. "That is what I asked." "I have no price. Had gain been ' my object I would have joined the Apaches and met you in the pass," , and so saying the brave wheeled his horse and rode proudly away. Fanning Through Faitli, "I have expected the Lord to sup- j ply our needs, and have never wanted ' for anything," is the explanation given by Theodore Williams, a farmer of Hampton Township, Pennsylvania, for his present idleness. He has not touched his farm this year. He firmly believes that "the Lord will lielii them that serve and trust Him," and it is certainly a fact that Williams' crops are quite as good as i those of his neighbors who have worked ; as usual. Williams and liis household j are very devout, aud go through a re ligious service every day.—New York Telegram. A SUverlte's Cattle-Brand. Ex-Senator Fred T. Dubois, of Idaho, has gone into cattle raising 011 a ranch in Idaho. All his cattle bear this brt-ud; 16—1. Mr. Dubois's fonr-footed possessions, ( ierefore, are walking advertisements of his devotion to the cause of silver coinage, and it is said that when any of his stock wander off the Idaho peo ple will walk a hundred miles to drive them back on the ranch.—Washington Post. HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS. Odor From New Iron Vends. The odor from the heating of a new iron vessel is very unpleasant, and it may be avoided in this manner: Plane the kettle in the yard at a safe dis tance from anything inflammable and put into it a cloth saturated with kero sene; drop a lighted match upon the cloth and let the oil burn out. When the kettle is again cold wash it in a hot solution of strong soda water. After this treatment the vessel may be used in the house without any disagreeable odors. llow to Overcome the Clothes Moth. Everything about the house that might conceal a moth should be thor oughly shaken and aired, and when possible the clothes and furs should be left in the sun for some hours. If the house is badly infested, or auy particular article is supposed to be so; a free use of benzine will be advisable. All the floor cracks and dark closets should be sprayed with this substance. Benzine spray will kill the insects at every stage, and is one of the few sub stances which will destroy the eggs. No light should be brought into the room while the benzine is being ap plied, as it is highly inflammable. The room and clothes should be thor oughly nired afterwards before any light is introduced. Camphor, to bacco, naphthaline and other strong odorants are only partial repellants, and without the May and June treat ments are of little avail.—New York World. Use Color Judiciously. There are colors that are refreshing and broadening, others that absorb light and give a boxed-up appearance to a room, others that make a room with a bleak, northern exposure, or with no exposure at all, appear bright and cheerful; some that make room appear warm, some that make it cold. The thermometer seems to fall six degrees when you walk into a blue room. Yellow is an advancing color; therefore a room fitted up in yellow will appear smaller than it is. On the other hand, blue of a cer tain shade introduced generously into ft room will give an idea of space. Bed makes no difference in regard to size. Green makes very little. If a bright, sunny room gets its light from a space obtruded upon by russet-colored or yellow-painted houses, <jr else looks out upon a stretch of green grass, it should be decorated in a oolor very different from the shade chosen if the light comes from only an unbroken expanse of sky. lied brings out in a room whatever hint of green lurks in the composition of the other colors employed. Green needs sunlight to develop the yellow in it and make it seem cheerful. If olive or red brown be used in con junction with mahogany furniture, the effect is very different from what it would be if blue were used. Blue would develop the tawny orange lurk ing in the mahogany. If a ceiling is to be made higher, leave it light, that it may appear to recede. Deepening the color used on the ceiling would make it lower—an effect desirable if the room is small and the ceiling very high. Various tones of yellow are substitutes for sunlight.—The Upholsterer. Apple Custard—One pint of stewed mashed apples, one pint of Bweet cream, four eggs, one cup of sugar and little nutmeg. Bake slowly. Turnip Salad—A pretty and unusual salad is made of French peas and Ber muda turnips, with mayonaise dress ing. The iusides of the turnips are taken out, so that the vegetables form shallow cups. These cups are placed upon lettuce leaves, filled with the pens, which cover with dressing. Eggs and Potatoes Scrambled— Slice six medium-sixed potatoes very thin. Heat two tablespoonfuls of but ter in a skillet, put in the potatoes and let them brown; separate the yolks from the whites of ten eggs (the whites to be used in making the cake), stir the yolks into the potatoes, season with half a teaspoonful of salt, one teaspoouful of minced parsley and half a saltspoonfnl of white pepper, Stir well until the egg is cooked; serve on a hot dish. Rhubarb Blanc Mange—Cut the rhubarb into half-inch pieces, leaving the skin on. Put in a stewpan and cover thickly with granulated sugar. Do not add any water; the juice from the rhubarb will soon flow, making its own liquid. Thicken with corn starch dissolved in cold water. The amount of cornstarch depends upon the juiciness of the rhubarb. Pour into molds while hot. Servo when cold with sweetened cream or whipped cream. This is delicious. Lettuce Soup—Chop up two heads of lettuce and stew it with a large tablespoonful of butter, a small half teaspoonful of sugar and sixty drops of vinegar. Keep stirring and do not let it burn. Add a tablespoonful of flour, a saltspoonfnl of pepper and a small teaspoonful of salt; break in two eggs and stir well; then pour on some weak broth, allowing two gills for each person Lay dice of stale bread in the tureen; add half a pint of cream or milk to the soup just before you pour the boiling soup over the bread. Baked Chicken—Wash, scrape and quarter four parsnips; parboil twenty I minutes; prepare a fine chicken and split open at back; place in a dripping j pan, the skin Bide up, lay parsnips i around the chicken, sprinkle with salt and pepper; add an egg-sized I lump of butter and two slices of salt I pork; put enough water in the pan to : prevent burning; place in oven and I bake, basting frequently, until chicken and parsnips are done a delicate brown. Serve the chicken separately on a J plotter; place the parsnips in a j dish and pour the strained gravy in I the pan over them. THE HEREY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. 4 Puzzling Problem—Laps tin Ungual*— In Flagranti—Fop-Sided—Equivocal— Changed Feminine Ways—Thorough Test—Pretty Good Guessing, Etc., Etc. Here is a problem lmr.l to prove, Of that there is no doubt, Which takes less time—to fall in love; Or, when in love, fall out? —Judge, Lapsus Flnguse. Physician—"Put out your tongue." Patient—"Oh, doctor, no tongue can do justice to the torments I am suffering."—Enquire Within. In Flagranti. Mrs. Church—"Did you ever catch your husband flirting?" Mrs. Gotham—"That's the way I did catch him."—Yonkers Statesman. Reminiscences. "What was the longest engagement you ever took part in, colonel?" "It lasted two years, and then the girl married another fellow,"—Detroit Free Press. Fop-Side<l. He—"Do you think women are the equals of men?" She—"Yes; but I don't think men are the equals of women."—Columbus (Ohio) State Journal. Destroying the Evidence. "Why (To you suppose people get married on their bicycles?" "They probably are trying to create the impression that they are well-bal anced."—Detroit Free Press. Equivocal. Mr. Dunkane—"They say that lie is as honest as the day is long." Mr. Shingiss—"Ho is the burglar who works only after nightfall."— Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. Thorough Tost, "Can you tell me, Professor, if this amber jewelry is genuine?" ''Oh, that's easily determined. Soak it in alcohol twenty-four hours. If it's genuine it will then liavo disap peared."—Fliegende Blaetter. A Disappointmcnt. Bride (who has eloped)—" Here is a telegram from papa." Bridegroom (anxiously)—" What does he say?" Bride—"All is forgiveu, but don't come back."—Collier's Weekly. To Walk Away. **Slowup—"l heard Billings say to day that he was the 'only pebble on the beach.' " Downto—"l suppose that is why he let Johnston walk over him on the shore yesterday."—New York Journal. Unfounded Criticism. Briggs—"l was riding a wheel in Chi cago the other day—" The Purist—"You mean bicycle, don't you?" Briggs—"No, I don't. It was the Ferris wheel!"— Cleveland Plain Deal er. Pretty Good Guessing. "Well, there is one thing to be proud of; we have no class prejudice in this country." "I guess you were never around when three or four sophomores got hold of a freshman."—Washington Star. A Rune. "Why do you have a plush chair on your piazza in such hot weather, Miss Julia?" "We have to have it. We always offer it to men whom we don't care to have .stay all evening."—Chicago llecord. Changed Feminine Way*. "I don't believe women sit around and say mean things about one another's dress as much as they used to." "They don't. They ride around and abuse one another's wheels."—lndia napolis Journal. Soft. Answer Turnetli Away XVratli. Mr. Benham—"l wish I were single again." Mrs. Benham—"You horrid thing. What would you do if you were?" Mr. Benham—"Marry again." Mrs. Benham—"Ob, you darling thing."—Modern Society. Classified. "Who are your leading citizens here?" asked the man who was solicit ing for country histories. "Which," asked the farmer. "Your men of standing." "Oh, there's Bill Bright, Abner Bruntwistle and—and, oh, a lot more of 'em. They don't do notliin' but stand around the deepo all day."—ln dianapolis Journal. A Sordid Reason. "Old man, there is money in buying your wife a wheel," said the man whose face showed some traces of sor did greed. "Oh, there is?" asked the man of no particular character. "You bet there is. She may eat a little more, but she doesn't have time to stop and look at the window bar gains."—Cincinnati Enquirer. Racehorses Go Mad. Racehorses go mad, just like human beings, and an attack of insanity, when a horse is inclined to madness, always succeeds a very exciting rnce or other strain on its nervous system. The great English thoroughbred, Orme, the celebrated son of Ormonde, has shown symptoms of madness ever since running an exciting race, in which he exerted himself in the most extraordinary manner to win. At pres ent Orme is raving mad, and probably will have to be shot.