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" Take Time by The Forelock Don't iv jit until sickness overtakes you. When that tired feeling, the first rheu matic pain, the first learnings of impure blood are manifest, take Hood's Sarsapa rSla and you mill rescue your health and probably save a serious sickness. c ßc sure c *" se Cored th. Choir Ho|irnao. "I am aorry to learn that yon are so 111 that you cannot possibly be In your accustomed place tomorrow morning. Visa Hyaee," Bald the minister's wife! condollngly, according to the Christian Endeavor World, "and I have hurried over to say that you need not feel the slightest uneasiness about the solo you were to sing In the opening an them. Dr. Goodman ana the choir have arranged that Miss Gone by shall take the part and " "What?" The popular soprano of the Rev. Dr. Good man's church choir sat bolt upright In bed. "What?" she screamed. "Thai old maid with the cracked voice trying to sing my solo? Never!" With one hand she tore the bandages off hei head; with the other she swept the medicines from the little table to the floor, and then kicked down the cover let. "Tell Dr. Goodman and the others," she said. In a voice that rang through the house like the Bllvery tones of a bell, "to notify Miss Goneby that she needn't mangle that solo. I'll be there." Kipling's Autograph For C2.se. A West Philadelphia girl, who Is a* enthusiastic autograph collector, haa recently added Rudyard Kipling to her collection, at a cost of *2.60. From her experience, It would seem that the English poet Is not such an "absent minded beggar" as he pictures Tommy Atkins to be. On the contrary, he be lieves In turning everything to a good account, and It is evidently this belief rather than a mercenary motive that prompts him to place a valuation of *2.80 on every autograph he scribbles. It must not be inferred that he pockets the proceeds. The West Philadelphia girl sent a modest request for an auto graph. enclosing p. stamped and ad dressed envelope, as Is her custom. In reply she received a printed slip from Mr. Kipling's secretary, setting forth in brief that Mr. Kipling would be pleased to furnish his autograph upon payment of *2.50 to any charity which the collector might prefer, a receipt for which should Immediately be sent to him. She donated the sum to the Children's Country Week asso ciation, forwarded the receipt to Mr. Kipling, and the other day she received the autograph.—Philadelphia Record. Facts For Sick Women First the medicine that holds the record for the largest number of abso lute Cures of female ills Is Lydla Em Plnkham's Vegetable Compound. Second—Mrs. Plnkham oan show by her letter files In Lynn that a mil lion women have been restored to health by her medlolne and advioe. Third- All letters to Mrs. Plnkham are received, opened, read and an swered by women only. This faot Is certified to by the mayor and postmas ter of Lynn and others of Mrs. Plnkham's own city. Write for free book con taining these certificates. Every ailing woman Is Invited to write to Mrs. Plnkham and get her ad vice free of charge. Lydia E. Plnkham Med. Co., Lynn. Mao*. What do the Children Drink ? Don't give them tea or coffee. Have you tried the new food drink called GRAIN-0 ? It is delicions and nourishing and takes the place of coffee. } The more Grain-0 you give the children the more health you distrib ute through their systems. Grain-0 is mado of pure grains, and when properly prepared tastes like the choice grades of coffee but costs about as much. All grocers sell it. 15c. and 25c. Try Grain-O! Insist that yoar procer gives you G RAIN-O Accept no imitation. I CARTER'S INK Have you tested it— ►*- No other ink "just a?good." M Best Gouph Sj Tfihtcrt pood. Use gl THE PLAINT OF DYING HUMOR. I know not what the cause should be That Humor melts my heart no more; Tbut nothing now induces mo To roar. In days of old my waistcoat heaved CoDjointly with my heaving chest. As soon as ever I perceived A jest. I almost lear—l know not why— That Laughter's fount has been mislaid, I could not giggle, not If I Was paid. And yet my health is very fair; I harbor no religious doubts; And am but sixty-four or there abouts. Time was when I and others laughed; When many an apoplectic lit Wns traced directly to u shaft Of wit; For such would find the harness-joint, And pierce the vulnerable spot, Whether they chanced to have a poiot Or not. HUMOR OF THE DAY. —"He is considered to be a man of note, isn't be?" Wagg—"Well, 1 hold one of his due bills for twenty." The Visitor—"Busy, old mau?" Modern Author—"Busy! Why, I'm writing so much that I don't have time to think."—Life. Mrs. Smithkins—"Your husbaud is rather absent-minded, isn't he?" Mrs. Jonesby—"Yes; he forgets about everything but himself." Patient—"Do you give gas here?" Dentist -"Not much; you have to pay for it. Did you thiuk this was a bar ber shop?"— Chicago News. Mrs. do Jones—"l hear you've got a very industrious husband." Laun dress—"Yes, mum; he's always find ing something for me to do."—Jewish Comment. Clara—"Did you notico that fine lookiug gentleman turn and look back at me after he had passed?" Maude "Yes. Isn't it queer how little it takes to tarn n man's head?" On childhood days With mouth stuffed full of chocolato cako, My memory lingers. I've changed my ways: Of kisses now I'd fain partake— And ladies' fingers. —What to Eat. Krank—"He makes mo tired. He's one of these people who aro never sat isfied to know a thing is so. They want tho why and wherefore of it." Softleigh—"Yes; I wonder why that is." Tommy—"Pop, what is tho mean ing of hereditary?" Tommy's Pop— "Anything that descends from father to son." Tommy—"Then your old clothes that Ma makes over for me are hereditary, ain't they?" Maud (earnestly)—"l want to ask you a question, George." George (also earnestly)—" What is Maud (still earnestly)—"lf you had never met mo, would you have loved me just the same?"—Tit-Bits. "Mrs. Bruggs, you have more faults than I ever dreamed of in any woman." "Well, Mr. Bruggs, you have plenty of faults yourself." "There you go again —always changing tho subject when I try to talk to you."—Chicago Record. Jones—"The fact is, I never go to church but I lull asleep." Brown— "You get out! You never go to church." Joues—"l know, and for that very reason. I find it more con venient to do my sleeping at home, don't you see?"— Boston Transcript. "Give me some familiar proverb about birds,"said the teacher. Tommy Tucker raised his haud. "The early bird"—He paused a moment, aud tried it agaiu. "The early bird"— "Yes," said the teacher, encouragingly. "That's right." "Tho early bird gathers no moss."—Chicago Tribune. The Now Congressional Hull Cull. A student of peculiarities suggested by the now roll call in the House of Representatives has made up an enter taiuiug combination of names rathei common. Tho list docs carry the names of both Loud aud Long. Iu each roll call Little and Small are asked to vote. Then Mood aud Mudd are appealed to in close company. Scattered through tho lisl are Hill, Marsh aud Lane. Such names as Nowlands and LittleP.eld seem de scriptive and oddly associated, but have uo such startling effect as the coupling of Robb and Steel. Tongue and Spight aro quite close together, and Joy and Payne follow each other with a brief interval. Various useful callings are represented by names, Baker, Barber, Bishop, Brewer, But ler, Cooper, Miller, Turner, Smith— six of them, aud Weaver dot the long list. There is a Caunou and a Ball. Hay, Hedge and Suodgrass may be found with a double foraging. There aro a Brown, two Greeno, aud a White —who is black. Jack aud Gill are also the list, but Gill not" pro nounce it that way. There is a large number of repeated names, but the Smiths aro stronger than ever before in a session of the House.—Washing ton Correspondence New York Times. Force of a Mauser Bullet. An officer of the Royal Artillery has shown a Cape Times correspondent at Kimberley a Mauser bullet fired by the enemy at long range whioh rjne trated the wooden limber box of a gal loping Maxim gun, going clean through five Maxim cartridges, and was found resting on the bullet head of the sixth, which it indented. Each cartridge was incased in the strong leather belt of tho Maxim gun. The Mauser bullet was in no way bent, only showiDg slight signs of indenta tion. This gives some idea of the striking velocity of the Mauser at what is comparatively a long range for in fantry fire.—London Globe. Sailor* on Shore Leave. Whenever enough men from an American man-of-war can get shore leave, no matter in what foreign port they may be lying, they are almost certain to start a ball game. In the English navy cricket is even played cn board ship. PIET JOUBERT'S HISTORY. The Boer Coininancle?-In-Chief ia of French Anceatr3'. General Petrns Jacobus .Toubert, Commander-in-Chief of the Trausvaal forces, and at the Bame time Vice- President of the Republic, is, as bis name indicates, of French descent. One of bis ancestors, Pierre Joubert, belonged to a Provencal family (South of France), as is established by a marriage certificate copied from the registers of the Walloon community of Brielle (formerly a part of the Netherlands, where French only was spoken—now a part of Belgium), stating that on the Ist of February, 1668, the marriage of "Pierre Joubert a native of La Motte d'Aignes, in Provence, and Suzanne Reyne, a na tive of La Rogue d'Atheron, in Prov ence, has been celebrated in the Wal loon ohurch of Brielle, and both then went on board the ship Mount de Sinai, bound for tho Cape of Good Hope nnder charge of Captain Sam uel Van Grell, aud this after it had been published three times during the same day, with tho consent of tho Messrs. of the Venerable Magistrat." The local authorities of Brielle were then known under the name of ' 'MM. du Venerable Magistrat." Pierre Joubert had been compelled to emigrate, being a Protestant or Huguenot, on account of the revoca tion of the Edict of Nantes, and had sailed for the Cape of Good Hope, where ho lauded safely and settled comfortably. Three years before Quceu Victoria asoended the throne, that is, in 1834, Pelrus Joubert, the actual Boor Gen eral, was born in Cougo (Capo Col ony). After having done some trav eling and having acquired some mon ey, he put up a farm in the Wakker stroom, one of the districts of the Transvaal, and soon became a mem ber of the Volksraad. Meanwhile, owing to his legal knowledge, he had made a vust fortune. At the time a treaty was to be signed with Great Britain, Joubert accompanied Kruger to London, and the skill whioh he displayed contributed greatly to the success of the negotiation. It was after his return home that the Boers pnt him in commnud of their army. Tabulated Children* Supervising Principal Parker, ol the C. W. Schaeffer Sohool, German town, has adopted the card catalogue system in keeping the records of his pupils, and as a result oan tell at a glance how every youngster in his school has been getting along with his books for years past. When a child is first admitted to the school the principal writes on a card his name, the names of his parents, hia residence, date of admission and num ber on the school register. Subse quently, lateness, discipline and other particulars aro reoorded on the card. At the end of the mouth the cards of all those who have withdrawn are re moved and placed by themselves. On the ndmission of the ohildron there is also filled out a blank form, giving name, age, card, uumbor, par ents'names and residence, aud a blank spaco for remarks. This is given to tho teacher and follows the scholar from grade to grade. When the ohild leaves the school the form is returned to the principal, who makes the rec ord in the register and files the form away. Mr. Parker claims for his ays tern that while it gives him a little work from time to time, in the end it saves him much trouble.—Philadel phia Record. Dvflfl 111. florae. Another hot-wind day, but we man aged to get to tho garrison church foi morning service. Found it filled tc overflowing with soldiers in khaki and unpolished boots, looking as different as possible to tho men in their Sun day best as we bad seen them for the Inst three months, smart Lancers and Rifles polished up to the nines, and calculated to win tho admiration ol any one who liked to see men well turned out. Now thoir get-up was all for business and not for show. Of ficers, we heard, had spent painful half-hours covering even their buttons with the all-pervading khaki, the said buttons, thus enlarged, refusing to go through the buttonholes, but a pen knife remedied that defect. Even sword-bandles were not allowed to es cape, and the picturesque little spikes from the helmets had vanished. Lauce and sword blades alike have been paiuted drab, and we have been told of a trooper who applied hair-dye of that shade to his gray charger.— London Telegraph Ladysmith Corre spondence. Nerve Malud.v of the Orient. Captain John B. Finley, Ninth In fantry, arrived at Watertown, N. Y., a few days ago from the Philippines. He was obliged to use crutches owing to the effect of a malady which he says is shockingly prevalent among the officers and men in the Orient. It is in the nature of neuritio or nerve paralysis and the first stage is dysentery, which bccomos chronic. Many soldiers have been affected and some will be crippled for life. "I have seen men," said Captain Finley, "with their feet drawn out of shape, arms swollen aud almost use less and facial muscles so drawn as to distort their features aud prevent them from talking intelligently. When I left Manila both of my legs below the knees were so affected that I bad to use two crutches, but I am some what improved, although my right leg is still in bad condition."—New York World. Tit For an Ungracious Tnt. Recently the members of Che mung County (New York) bar gave a banquet in Elmira. Newspaper men were barred, aud retaliated by ignor ing the lawyers, many of whom doubt less counted on getting lots of free advertising out of the affair. BATH" Nothing is more easily affected by irritation than the dainty, delicate skin of a young child. Ivory Soap is cleansing and refreshing. It is wholly free from impurities, and its mild, creamy lather leaves the tenderest skin unharmed. IT FLOATS. STOPPED TRAIN TO GET MATCH Eiperlencu of • Mall Clark Who Bad Work Ha Couldn't Do la tha Dark. "I noticed In the paper the other day," observed an old railway postal clerk, "the story of how the captain ot the little gasoline boat that left here for np the Missouri had to come back overland for 40 miles for a re pair that cost him only 10 cents, but which wae Just as necessary as If it cost the price of the whole engine. I recalled to my mind an experience I once had on the run between here and Missouri Valley, on the Sioux City & Pacific, Illustrating how much may hang upon something ordinarily quite Insignificant. Between Whiting and Onawa one night a gust of wind blew out every lamp In the mall car, which, of course, made it Impossible for me to work, and I had considerable to do yet to tie up Onawa's mail. I put my hand Into my pocket to get a match, but couldn't find any. Something had to be done quickly, and all there was left for me to do was to pull the bell cord and signal the engineer to stop. The conductor, brakeman, and eome of the passengers came running to the head of the train to learn what was the matter. The darkness in my car suggested that perhaps there had been a hold-up and robbery of tbe mall; but when I called to the conductor to give me a match It relieved his anx iety, but it did not entirely restore his good humor. I lit my lamps again and had my mall ready when we reached Onawa. Since that time I am especial ly careful to see that I have an ample match supply."-—Sioux City Journal. All except bad onesl There are hun dreds of cough medi cines which relieve coughs, all coughs, except bad ones! The medicine which has been curing the worst of bad coughs for6oyearsisAyer's Cherry Pectoral. j Here is evidence: "My wife was troubled with a deep-seated cough on her lungs for three years. One day I thought j of how Ayer's Cherry Pectoral saved the life of my sister after the doctors had all given her up to i die. So I purchased two bottles, and it cured my wife completely. It took only one bottle to cure my sister. So you see that three bot tles (one dollar each) saved two lives. We all send you our heart felt thanks for what you have done for us."—J. H. BURGE, Macon,Col, Jan. 13, 1894. Now, for the £rst time you can get a trial bottle of Cherry Pectoral for J5 cents. Ask your druggist. Baeantu of Tl).lr Boor Sympathy. Two Irish magistrates were recently deprived by Lord Ashbourne, the lord chancellor of Ireland, of their offlcee on account of anti-British comments on the Boer war. The proceeding 1s most unusual, especially as one ot the delinquents 1b a nobleman, Lord Emly, who, speaking to some laborers at Limerick, inferred that Great Britain might have another Ladysmlth in Ire land. Lord Ashbourne asked for an explanation, but Lord Emly haughtily refused, whereupon he was removed. Lord Emly Is prominent In Ireland, both socially and politically, and la an ardent home ruler. The only other in stance on record Is where Mr. Glad stone years ago deprived Lord Hoss more of a magistracy for similar ut terances. Donald's Christmas Present. From Brooklyn Life: Ruth—Did you get anything from Santa Claus, Donald? Cousin Donald—You bet I did. I got a good llckln' fer callin* him pa an' pullln' his beard off! How's This? Wo offer One Hundred Dollar* Reward fol Oatarrh thatoannot be cured by Hall e Catarrh Cure. F. J. Cheney ft Co., Props., Toledo, O. >\ e, the undersigned, have known F. J. Che ney for the lat 15 years, and believe him per j i honorable in all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obliga tion mwde by their firm. Walii'ino, Rinnan ft Marvin, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, Ohio. iiS*!I'® 1 '® ( ', atarrh '^ ken Eternally, set- Ing di rectly upon the blood and mucous sur faces of the system. Price, 76c. per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials fre*. Hall's Family Pills are the best. The Allgemcinc Deutsche Sprachvcr ein has offered a prize of 1,000 marks for the best s'udy of the slang used by seamen. M rs.Winslow's Soothing Pyrup for children teething, softens the gums, reduces inflamma tion, allays pain, cures wind colic.2sc a bottle. Of the 77,671.000 acres of land and water in the United Kingdom, about 47,800,000 arc under crops and grass. I can recommend Piso's Cure for Consump tion to sufferers from Asthma.-K. D. Town send. Ft. Howard, Wis., May 4,18& L The little town of Moorehead. Kan., has a co-operative hotel, laundry, hall, creamery and canning factory and a co-operative dining hall, with several co-operative farms nearby. #1 OVELY SC.OO LAMPS J All hand-painted. No haudsomcr lamp made. * prices. We pay thi Beautiful colored cat- nlogiie of liunri-paluted I'AltlOlt or BANQUET ■ LAMPS, free. I Evn-y Lamp Guaran tied. Money back if you roant it. Manufactured by ' -TwTSnZun Pittsburg Glass Co., I TOU uv DIRECT. ' I'lttaburg, Pa. BOOK AGENTS WANTED FOR tha grandest and fastest-eellin;? book aver published, Pulpit Echoes !>R.V VINO TRI THS FOR BEAR AND IIEART. ronUHll", Mr. MIMIIIV'H br.i Srrmooi. with sua 1 hAUIng storln. Incident,, l'.non.l Eineritncei.slc., ..tula By D. L. Moody ' Itmsff//. With a complete history of hie life by Hew. Cll Art. F. GOH*. Pastor of Mr Moody . Chicago Church for five veaS snd an Introduction b Kov. I.YMAN ABBOT'T. 11. IS. I Brand new, fIOO pp., htautt/uHyillustrated 071,000 more I AUKNTH WANTKB—Men and Women. 07 Sale Immenaa —a hanre.t time for Agents. Send for term, ts A. W. WOKTIII.NUTON A CO., Hartford. Conn. jjTOTOESjiff 'itl^ll^CLOVEß' W J OIIN A. BAL7.KR SIEI> CO.. I.A t KOSSK. WIS. A. C. f STOPPED free ~ n B ■■ Psrmaoently Cured 9B 1 fl InMnlty Prevented by SSI wM OR * KLINE'S CHEAT K| P ■ W SERVE RESTORER PssiUrs nra tor all ffavsw Vitro* m. rut, KpU*p*r, Hot Bo Loon^ Lunatics <5 ft en assume a superiority of Intellect to others which Is quite amusing. A gentleman while walking along a road not far from the side of which ran a railway, encountered a number of Insane people out for ex- Orclse. With a nod toward the rail way lines, he said to one of the luna tics:' "Where does this railway go to?" Th* lunatic looked at him. scorn fully for a moment and then replied: "It doesn't go anywhere We keep lit here to fun trains on." —Agates Belter', Rape gpHtr flte. kick, xtJ-.l,Wrf-*w. Wk.l In lt I™;® fliplT ~ l| f Plli C.ulof SEEDS^fc, Balur'i w. are Warrinted U B # lO r ! *d f i a lof mdr.rrlth alcne,oe t IHii lii lull i ■ I t *i> Itching Barnln Scaly Blotchy Humors Instantly Relieved and Speedily Cured by The itching ami burning I suffered in my feet and limbs for three year* were terrible. At night they were worse and would keep me awake a greater part of the night. I consulted doctor after doctor, as I was travel ling on the road most of my time, also one of our city doctors. None of the doctors knew what the trouble was. 1 got a lot of the different samples of the medicines I had been using. 1 found them of so many different kinds that I concluded I would have to go to a Cincinnati hospital before I would get relief. 1 had frequently been urged to try CUTICDKA liEMEDIES, but I had no faith in them. My wife finally prevailed upon me to try them. Presto! What a change! lam now cured, and it is a permanent cure. I feel like kicking some doctor or myself for suffering three years when I could have used C'UTICUKA remedies. 11. JENKINS, Middleboro, Ky. Complete Treatment $1.25, Consists of CUTICURA SOAP (25c.), to cleanse the skin of crusts and scales and soften the thickened cuticle, CUTICURA Ointment (50c.), to instantly allay itching, irritation, and inflammation, and soothe and heal, ami CUTICURA RESOLVENT (50C.), to cool and cleanse the blood. A SINGLE SET is often suflicient to euro the most torturing, dis figuring skin,scalp, and blood humors, rashes, and irritations, with loss of hair, when physicians, hospitals, and all else fail. Sold throughout the world. POTTER DKUO AND CHEII. CORIV, Sole Props., lloston. " How to Cure Itching Humors," free. Millions of Women Use Cuticura Soap Exclusively for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, for cleansing the scalp of crusts, scales, and dandruff, ami the stopping of falling hair, for softening, whitening, and healing red, rough, and sore hands, in the form of baths for annoying irritations, Inflam mations, and dialings, or too free or olfensivo perspiration, in the form of washes for ulcerative weaknesses, and for many sanative antiseptic purposes which readily suggest themselves to women, and especially mothers, and for all the purposes of the toilet, bath, and nursery. No amount of persuasion can Induce those who have once used it to use anv other, especially for preserving and purifying the skin, sealp, and hntr of infants and children. CUTICURA SOAP combines delicate emollient properties derived from CUTI CURA, the great skin cure, with the purest of cleansing ingredients and the most refresh, fng of flower odors. No other medicated or toilet soap ever compounded is to he compared with it for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, sculp, hair, and hands. No other foreign or domestic toilet Boap, however expensive. Is to be compared with It for all the purposes of the toilet, bath, and nursery. Thus It combines In ONE SOAP at ONE PRICE, viz., TWENTY FIVE CENTS, the BEST skin and comylexloa soap, and the hist tuilet And BEST babv soap Ln the world* Dr.Bnlls best remedy fb* WOU£BI Consumption. Cure# Syrup IBronchitU, Uoarso^ * um. Aatliuia, Whooping cough. Crwtp 6mall doses ; quick, Sure rcsuhft, Trial,io/v JA Learn telegraphy * fir Railroad and i'ommih olJ Bervice. Young Men Wanted Ins* mediately. Poaitlone guaranteed. En- Oios© stamp for full particulars. ! o. W. Dowcll, JkLtkuuger, Hlcksvllls, Ohio* DR O PS Y SH.YSiSSISI'ffi oases. Bt of testimonials and 10 days' treatment Free. Br. H. H. aasu's BOMB, ■,* , Atlanta, a DR. ARNOLD'S COUGH I Cures Coughs and Colds. |#|| I P|| I Prevents Consumption. Kll I p|( All Druggists, iiOc- ■•■■■■ll j P. N. U. 4 *Oo I nENSlONwUhln'g™n?"% ■—Successfully Prosecutes Claims. I ■ La to Principal Examiner U.S. Pension Bureau, ! m 3>i u civil war. 15adjudicating claims,atty sluo* VI ltd INI A FARMS for Pale at rare bar* gains. Have a few exceptionally nice farms with good new building*. Send for list. A. T. STEWAKT, Carson, Virginia.