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Established 1888. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY. BY TUB TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY. Lililef OFFICE. MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE. FREELAND, PA. SUBSCRIPTION KATES: One Year $1.50 Hlx Months 75 Tour Months 50 Two Months 25 The date which the subscription is paid to la on tne address label of each paper, the change of which to a subsequent date bo oomee a receipt for remittance. Keep tbi figures in advance of the present date. Re Eort promptly to this office whenever pape/ i not received. Arrearages must be pall When subscription is discontinued. Male all money orders, checks, etc.,payable to the Tribune Printing Company, Limited. A distinguished authority was asked, the other day, what was the proper number of a good working •oinmittee. The reply was: "Three— if one is sick and another canno* come." That must not be regarde' 1 as an example of one mau power, be cause the author of the statement was Clara Barton, who has exemplified it more thau once. "Quarttf at Dawson" will uot be as attractive a cry to the prospector as it would have beeu over a year ago. Since that time Uncle Sam has found the Cape Nome gold fields, ou his own side of the line, aud the population of the Yukon Territory has gone mer rily down. Dawson needs more men aud cheaper labor, aud hence a new crop of "mother-lode" reports. A critical rather than a confident attitude toward immediate if not final ' results rhould mark American think ing. Lord Roberts has been a great soldier, but is uot a young man. Von Moltke was the only old mau who has proved himself a great soldier—unless it be J"*'bert—in modern times. Our own Scott was retired for the ineffi ciency of age at the outbreak of our civil war. The Duke of Cambridge ceased to be commander-in-chief of the armies of Great Britain because of his years. The dignified marshals of the Taird Empire failed France in her contest with Germany. It will be a good day for the country when there grows up an assumption that the politician is naturally high minded, though conditions may at times cause him to act questionably, and that, freed from those conditions, i bis natural moral resiliency will cause him to soar, observes the Now Y'ork Commercial Advertiser. Under a high moral public sentiment it is easier for men to be good than to be bad. In private life many a man leaves certain things uudone, while commit ting other greater sins because some are what a gentle nan would not do, and the others the sin of the gentle man. Thus any advance in public oi political standard is bailed as a bene fit. no matter what its immediate mo tive. The naming of postoffiees nfier mil itary heroes has been a fad siuce the j outbreak of the Spanish war, aud is now beginning to die out; but after Deweys, Roosevelts, Schieys and | Shafters bad dotted the Union, a flip- j pant Texas town with an admiration , for the Rough Riders turned up a short time ago with a request that its ' postoffice be named "Teddy," which, after due deliberation, was done. On the same day a postoffice in Georgia varied the usual procedure of securing the names of the great and good by naming itself Quilp. The flippancy with which some towns brand them selves with opprobrious names is il lustrated by Twobit, S. I). The town is probably worth u ore than that. Some of the names, however, eviuce a lively and poetic faucy, as Blue Ash, Ohio; Bonny Doon, Cal., and Gallant Green. Md. Trltxed Peter the Great. Peter the Great was once very neatly caught in a trap by a jester attached to the court. The Jester was noted for ills cleverness In getlng himself and his friends out of difficulties. It hap pened one day that a cousin of his had incurred the czar's displeasure, and was about to be executed. The jester, therefore, presented himself before his imperial master to beg for his reprieve. On seeing him approach the czar, di vining his errand, cried; "It is no good to come here; I swear I will not grant what you are going to ask." Immedi ately the jester went down on his Knees, saying: "1 beseech your im perial highness to put rhat scamp cousin of mine to death." The czar, thus caught in his own tray, coulq only laugh and pardon the condemned man, lpfliiiltou of lirio-H-Hmn. Little Dick—Uncle Richard, what is bric-a-brac? Uncle Richard—Bric-a brac >3 anything you knock over and break when you are feeling foi matches in the dark.—Puck Wild boars still abound in some parts Of Morocco, one hunting party having lately killed over 100 in one week. PRISONER OF WAR. "No rent again this month? This Is the third time It has happened within the half-year. I'll go there myself and get the money, or I'll know the reason why." Matthew Deane was in particularly bad humor this raw December morn ing. Everything had gone wrong. Stocks had fallen when they ought to have risen—his clerk had tipped over the inkstand on his special and pecul iar heap of paper—the fire obstinate ly refused to burn in the grate—in short, nothing went right, and Mr. Deane was consequently and corre spondingly cross. "Jenkins!" "Yes. sir." "Go to the Widow Clarkson's, and tell her I shall be there in half an hour and expect confidently—mind, Jenkins —confidently to receive that rent money. Or I shall feel myself obliged to resort to extreme measures. You understand, Jenkins?" "Certainly, sir." "Then don't stand there starin' like an idiot," snarled Mr. Deane, in a sudden burst of irritation, and Jenkins disappeared like a shot. Just half an hour afterward Mat thew Deane brushed the brown hair Just sprinkled with gray from his square yet no unkindly brow. Put ting on his fur-lined overcoat he walked into the chilly winter air fully determined, figuratively, to annihilate the defaulting Widow Clarkson. It was a dwarfish little red brick house which appeared originally to have aspired to two-storyhood lot. but cramped by circumstances, had settled down into a story and a half, but the windows shone like Brazilian pebbles, and the doorsteps were worn by much scouring. Neither of these circumstances, however, did Mr. Deane remark as he pulled the glittering brass doorknob and strode into Mrs. Clarkson's neat parlor. There was a small fire —very small, as if every lump of anthracite was • hoarded in the stove, and at a table with writing implements before her sat a young lady whom Mr. Deane at once recognized as Mrs. Clarkson's niece, Miss Olive Mellen. She was not dis agreeable to look upon, though you "I HAVE CALLED TO SEE YOUR AUNT." would never have thought of classing \ her among the beauties, with shining black hair, blue, long-lashed eyes, and a very pretty mouth, hiding teeth like rice kernels, so white were they. Miss Mellen rose with a polite nod. which was grimly reciprocated by Mr. Deane. "I have called to see your aunt, Miss Mellen." "I know it, sir, but as I am aware of her timid temperament, I sent her away. I prefer to deal with you my self." Mr. Deane started—the cool audacity of the damsel in gray, with scarlet ribbons in her hair, rather astonished him. "I suppose the money is ready?" "No, sir, it is not." "Then, Miss Olive, pardon me, I must speak plainly. I shall send an officer here this afternoon to put a valuation on the furniture, and " "You will do nothing of the kind, sir." Olive's cheek had reddened and her eyes flashed portentously. Mr. Deane turned toward the door, but ere he knew what she was doing, Olive had walked quietly across the room, locked the door, and taken out the key—then she resumed her seat. "What does this mean?" ejaculated the astonished "prisoner of war." "It means, sir, that you will now be obliged to consider the question," said Olive. "Obliged?" "Yes—you will hardly jump out of the window, and there is no other method of egress unless you choose to go up the chimney. Now, then. Mr. Deane, will you tell mo if you—a Chris tian man in the nineteenth century— intend to sell a poor widow's furniture because she is not able to pay your rent? Listen, sir!" Mr. Deane opened his mouth to re monstrate,but Olive enforced her words with a very emphatic little stamp of the foot, and he was, as it were, stricken dumb. "You are what the world calls a rich man. Mr. Deane. You own rows of houses, piles of bank stock, railroad shares, bonds and mortgages—who 1 knows what? My aunt has nothing; I support her by copying. Now, if this e&se be carried into a court of law, my ' poor ailing aunt will bo a sufferer— you would emerge unscathed and prof iting. You are not a bad man, Mr. Deane; you have a great many noble qualities, and I like you for them." She paused an instant and looked in tently and gravely at Mr. Deane. The color rose to his cheek—it was not dis agreeable to be told by a pretty young i girl that she liked him. on any terms; ; yet she had Indulged in pretty plain speaking. "I have heard," she went on, "of your doing kind actions when you were in the humor of it. You can do them, and you shall in this instance. You are cross this morning—you know you are! Hush! no excuse; you are selfish and irritable and overbearing. If I were your mother, and you a lit tle boy. I should certainly put you in a corner until you promised to be good." Mr. Deane smiled, although he was ' getting angry. Olive went on with the utmost composure. "But as it is, I shall only keep you here a prisoner until you have behaved, and given me your word not to annoy my aunt again for rent until she is able to pay you. Then, and not until then, will you receive your money. Do you promise? Yes or no?" "I certainly shall agree to no such j terms," said Mr. Deane, tartly. "Very well, sir; I can wait." Miss Mellen deposited the key in the pocket of her gray dress and sat down to her copying. Had she been a man, j Mr. Deane would probably have knocked her down; as it was, she wore 1 an Invisible armor of power in the very ! fact that she was a fragile, slight woman, and she knew it. "Miss Olive," he said, sternly, "let us terminate this mummery. Unlock that door!" "Mr. Deane. I will not!" "I shall shout and alarm the neigh borhood, then, or call a policeman." "Very well, Mr. Deane; do so, if you please." She dipped her pen in the ink and | began on a fresh page. Matthew sat ! down, puzzled and discomfited, and watched the long-lashed eyes and faintly tinged cheek of his keeper. She was very pretty—what a pity she was so obstinate! "Miss Olive!" "Sir?" "The clock has just struck 12." "I heard it." "I should like to go out and get some lunch." "I am sorry that that luxury is out of your power." "But I'm confounded hungry." "Are you?" "And I'm not going to stand this sort of thing any longer." "No?" How provoklngly nonchalant she was. Mr. Deane eyed the pocket of the gray dress greedily, and walked up and down the room pettishly. "I have an appointment at 1." "Indeed! What a pity you will be un able to keep it!" He took another turn across the room. Olive looked up with a smile. "Well, are you ready to promise?" "Hang it, yes! What else can I do?" "You promise?" "I do, because I can't help myself." Olive drew the key from her pocket with softened eyes. "You have made me very happy, Mr. Deane. I dare say you think me un womanly and unfeminine. but indeed you do not know to what extremities we are driven by poverty. Good-morn ing, sir." Mr. Deane sallied forth with a curi ous complication of thoughts and emo tions struggling through his brain, in which gray dresses, long-lashed blue eyes and scarlet ribbons played a prominent part. "Did you get the money, sir?" asked the clerk, when he walked into the of fice. "Mind your business, sir," was the tart response. "I pity her husband." thought Mr. Deane, as he turned the papers over on his desk. "How she will henpeck him! By the way, I wonder who her husband will be?" The next day he called at the Widow Clarkson's to assure Miss Mellen that he had no idea of breaking his prom ise, and the next but one after that he came to tell the young lady she need entertain no doubt of his integrity. And the next week he dropped in on them with no particular errand to serve as an excuse! "When shall we be married, Olive? Next month, dearest? Do not let us put it off later." "I have no wishes but yours, Mat thew." "Really, Miss Olive Mellen, to hear that meek tone one would suppose you had never locked me up here and tyr annized over me as a jailer." Olive burst into a merry laugh. "You dear old Matthew; I give you warning beforehand that I mean to have my own way in everything. Do you wish to recede from your bargain? It is not too late yet." No, Matthew Deane didn't; he had a vague idea that it would be very pleasant to be henpecked by Olive! Very Definite. Mrs. Sewell, who is the head of a classical school for girls in Indianap olis, could contribute a readable sequel to English as she is taught, for the pupils in a girls' classical school are not above the amusing blunders which characterize the efforts of their young sisters in the public schools. On one occasion Mrs. Sewell was instructing a class in physics. Force was the sub ject, and she made plain to the girls the difference between centrifugal and centripetal force. "Centrifugal." said Mrs. Sewell, "is a force whose direction is from the center and centripetal is a ; force whose direction is toward the I center. Do you all understand that?" ' The crass chorused assent. "Now, will ; some girl give me an illustration?" • continued Mrs. Sewell. "The domestic j virtues are centripetal," replied a small I girl, "because they keep a man in the j center of his home, and a centrifugal force is—is—well, a saloon Is a centri fugal force." —Philadelphia Post. In a Trying Position. She (In affright)—"Oh, Tom, why do you make such awful faces at me?" He (contritely)—"l can't help it, dear. My eyeglasses are falling off and I don't want to let go of your hands."— Stray Stories. f WOMAN'S WORUL 1 FARMING FOR WOVEN. How Our English Sisters Are Heeomlug Scleutlflc Agriculturists. The "advanced" English woman does not hesitate to carry out many kinds oi' work, which are not yet popular with her Ameriean sisters. Among other things she not only farms with a vim and energy very astonishing to non-English women, bat she regular ly and scientifically qualifies herßelf for farming by a course at one of the agricultural colleges for women, whioh thrive in England. The best and most favorably known of these, per haps, is the Lady Warwick Hostel at Reading. The Countess of Warwiok, formerly Lady Brooke, and the "Babbling Brooke" of semifaeetious London swelldom, stands at tbe head of this institution, and also edits the Woman's Agricultural Times, the monthly magazine published by tbe college authorities. "Practical Hor ticulture for Women," "Bee-keeping for Women," and "The Keeping of Milch Goats as an Ooeupation for Women," were among the subjeete treated in a recent number of this periodical, and the manner of treat ment was extremely plain aud practi cal in each case. The linen indus tries, poultry culture and keeping, and the work of the various tecbical schools for women, which are under the special patronage of the Princess of Wales, alßo occupy much space in most numbers. The whole tone of the magazine is one of study and ser iousness, even the jokes and witticisms whioh adorn its columns occasionally are solemn, and have an agricultural flavor. The students at the agricnltnral colleges come from almost oil grades and ranks of society, and the educa tion provided for them is both thor ough and varied. All about flower, fruit and vegetable growing, butter and cheese making, mushroom, bee and tomato culture they,learn, and ihey must be well up in both theory and prnctioo before they are entitled to the college certificate. A large majority of the graduates devote themselves to specialties of various kinds, it is said, and the mascnline farmers of England are rapidly learn ing to respect both their learning and prowess, and to regard them as for midable rivals. The cost of taking a thorough course at one of these agricultural colleges, with board or "residence," ranges from $350 and upward for each year, and the length of time spent in study varies according to the quickness and capabilities of the students themselves, as well as of the nnmher and intricacies of tho branches undertaken. The roster of students is usually a gen erous one, and occasionally applicants are obliged to wait some time before arrangements for their matriculation can be madev The students, according to the pub lic announcements sent out by the college, are not expected to perform tho heaviest or laborer's work npon the college lands, whioh are theirs to experiment upon under proper direc tion, but it would seem from a report laiely published by the warden of the Lady Warwick Hostel, Miss Edith Bradley, that at thiß establishment at loast the students, all of them women, j do "till the ground" literally as well as metaphorically. "Sinoe the term ended in the last days of June," says this personage, "our regular students have beon leav ing in small detachments, as the weeks of the practical work eame to an end. The last to go were some four or five who were intrusted with the making of an outdoor mushroom bed. Turning the manure occupied three weeks, and then the spawning oould not be done untfl the proper temperature was reaohed. A careful record will be kept of the time and expense inourred in making this bed, whioh will be put against the amount realized by the sale of the mushrooms. In this way the students will gain praotical experience in one of the most profit able of the lighter branohes of agricul ture, with a view to specializing in it later." Commonplace People. A woman who entertains a great deal tells me that she is heart, brain, nerve and soul weary of olever people, and she longs to know somebody who neither writes, sings-, recites, toots, fiddles, nor even has ideas. She even proposes a toast to the stupid people who do not intrude, and to those who, while not stupid, often pretend they are, for the sake of the quiet and peace they know you will appreciate. Cleverness runs in families nowadays. Even the household baby is hauled out at deadly night hours to do his little turn, and the grandmother of the family is olever. Ah, a rare and satisfying person to meet is the family woman who is not olever; who makes no pretensions to cleverness; who has not prepared a paper on any of the burning questions of the hour. For the sake of the workers in the groat world downtown, let me quaft tho enp to the health of the woman who is satisfied to stay at home and mend tho stockings, and make pie and doughnuts and jelly-cake—make anything, in fact, provided she is con tented while she is doing it. Probably t-he doesn't talk a great deal, and doesn't mind if you do not, and doesn't cherish it up against you if you do not hear what she is saying, even if you seem to be listening and aro looking right at her. What a dear, restful soul she is! She knows good old tried-and-truo remedies for ailments, aud sho doesn't even ask whether you want specifies for your ills or not, but she just claps them on, or pours them in, and bnstles around and hangs up things, an/ tells yon that you'll be better In tbe morn ing, and sure enough you are, deal unselfish prophet that she is!— Ha rper's Bazar. Cording Is Used on All Aecessorles. Cording is a more elaborate procest and is now especially in vogue for yokes, collars, cuffs, belts and revers. Instead of the fine or heavy cords that were once used in rows between rows of machine stitching, a slightly stiff featherboning is used, and put on with a machine attachment which keeps the work even and avoids all pulling. The prettiest of yokes show cording in a rounding form, lower in the centre, with a rucking of mous seline on the edge—a fluffy effect for one with a flat chest. In cording the filler must be of a fair size to show in distinct ridges, which is the beauty of all oording. Sewing on a button seems a simple task, but it is one which many women do in a wrong way. A button used as a trimming needs but a few stitches, as it is simply tacked on, while one used as a fastener needs strength and loose stitches enduringly put in. No button fastens well that is sewed closely to the dress. Use twist, and wax it so that a few stitohes will suf fice. Do not sew on a button so that the stitches disfigure the lining. A tailor puts his Btitchcs through the upper cloth only, pointing the needle back and forth, not up and down—a process which is easily learned. A button is either for use or ornament. If for the latter pnrpose it should be unique in shape or design.—Ladies' Home Journal. Garment* For Slender Women. Anxious to preserve the slenderness of their figures, many women will suf fer actual discomfort, or even risk great danger to their health from cold, rather than wear heavy, bulky gar ments. Shetland underwaists, to be worn next the redingote, or rather overdress, are especially designed for this class of people. These garment? are knitted loosely in pure Shetland wool. They are exceedingly warm, though so fine and light, and the waists ire made with a high neck and long sleeves. They can be worn un der a close-fitting bodice without ma terially iucreasing the size. They can be found at any of the stores which make a specialty of fine hygienic wool i underwear. They are rather high in price, but a pair of these waists mere ly for outdoor wear will last all win ter. They can be had in black, white and gray wools respectively. Rather than pay the price, many women sub stitute a ribbed wool undervest, which they wear under a light-weight cloth jacket. How Women Dree, in Siberia. Common-class women in Siberia wear shawls or kerchiefs on their heads, while the rich women wear no head covering whatever. A traveler reoently returned from that part of the world says that a Russian woman who is otherwise trim and modern in dress will go about with her hair dis hevelled to the point of the ludicrous. Less ntteution is paid to the head and feet than to other parts of their toilet. "It is odd enough to Bee them," says this same writer, "defying drip ping decks and muddy roads in the thinneßt of heelless slippers, while the breezes play havoc with the loose tresßes of their hair. Their shirt waist is a feminine terror, with a broad turnover collar, fancy cuffs, cotton bows, many buttons aud numerons frills, in place of the natty American shirt waist." A Fur and Velvet Season. The winter is to be decidedly a fur and velvet season. Entire gowns are made of these materials, lightly lined with silk or satin alone, to remove all bulky effeot, and skirts and coats of Persian lamb or Caracut—the fine, soft Astrakhan —are the height oi fashion. Gleaning. From the Shop*. Black velvet bows for the hair with pipings of white satin. Exqnisito novelties in beaded and jowelled purses and bags in small sizes. Gown of net, cloth or velvet show ing guipure lace in festoon applica tions. Watoh fob 3 of black ribbon with seal, monogram or rich jewel pen dants. Not, ohiffon and narrow lace frills edged with effectivo Tom Thumb fringe. Mufl'chains composed of alternat ing links of gold and enamel dower desigus. Silver bangles for young girls, upon which some favoite quotation is in scribed. White Brussels net embroidere d with light green chenille and pearl sequins. Many styles in tortoise shell, am ber, jet and Parisian rhiuestone coif fure ornaments. Panne velvet in pompadour color ings for waists, guimpes and other trimming purposes. Lace gowns effectively trimmed with deep white chenille fringe or narrow hands of fur. Evening gews of chenille dotted net relieved hy bauds of cream lace in hayandere pattern. Medici collars of sable and other fur finished with long stoles of plaited chiffon or rich cream lace. Largo assortments of high class novelties in reversible cloths fordriv iug coats, capes and ulsters. ltedingotes and newmarkets made of black or light-colored cloths trimmed with machine stitched folds and deep rovers. Chinchilla aud sable toques trimmed effectively with tulle rosettes in com bination with birds, wings, paradise aigrette aud violets.—Dry Goods Economist. SOUTH AFRICA'S PLAGUES. At Buluw.yo Boot. Devoured by Ants— The Rinderpest. •'South Africa imports hides, wool and mohair, and the ranchman would revel in riohes were it not for tho var ious pests that decimate hie flocks and herds. The most deadly one is the rinderpest, a cattle plague which in the last ten years hrfs been slowly oreeping from Central Africa south ward, leaving a wake or whitened bones. In traveling through Natal I saw fifty oxen lying dead about a spring where they had tumbled one over the other, so suddenly had the disease attacked them. It was almost impossible then to get an untinged piece of eteak at a restaurant, though the proprietor resented any such charge, and a plethoric German trav eler who called in. a loud tone for 'roast rinderpest' in the railroad cafe at De Aar Junction, Cape Colony, had to be picked np in fragments. Dr. Koch and other eminent specialists tried in vain to stop this plague. The country is now recovering from it slowly. "Another pest is the tsetse fly, an inseot resembling our oommon house fly, hut three times as large. Its bite will kill a horse, cow or any other do mestic animal in about ten days, but, strange to say, does not affeot a wild animal or a human being. A less dan gerous but more troublesome pest is the white ant, whioh is about one quarter of an inch long and übiquit ous in many parts of the country. They live under tho ground, and can only be routed by killing the queen, which sometimes reaches the size of one inch in length. This insect is particularly harassing in Rhodesia. At Buluwayo my traveling companion inadvertently left his boots ou the floor after taming in at night, and ho arose next morning to find the uppers carefully separated from the soles. 'Lucky you didn't leave your olothes on the floor,' was the hotel keeper's only consolation. These ants will eat through anything hut metal, and for that reason much of the building is done with corrugated iron. The ant hill iB one of the conspicuous land marks in traveling over South Africa." •—Ainslce's Magazine. Rome Remarkable Freight Outfits. All the reminiscent veterans of the plains love to dwell nowadays on the wonders of the freight outfits of the early sixties, when the transportation business for them was at its height. An ox-team freight train consisted of twenty-flve wagons. Several trains used to move together, making a stream of ox teams and wagons more than half a mile long. Somotimes a freight train would be a mile long, consisting of 500 ox teams, 120 wagons and about 130 men. The earlier wagons wore large and carried from fifty to sixty hundred pounds of freight, hut later still heavier wagons, with oval whito canvas or looso,cloth tops, called prairie schooners, came into use; each wagon being loaded with from three to three and one-half tons. The goods were protected with two or of ducking. Some I wagons had peep holes in the sides from whioh tho freighters looked out, ! rifle in hand, when a hand of savages ' was menacing the train. Eaoh wagon required six yoke of oxen for motive power, and twenty or thirty head of extra oxen always ac companied the train to supply the place of those that were lost or orippled. The custom of trailing u wagon came into use iu later years. In camping the wagons were arranged in a circle side by side, with tho tongues outwurd, and a log cabin ex tended from the hind wheel of ono wagon to the fore wheel of the next one, thus making a solid pen. Sacred White Peacocks at tlio Zoo. Sacred white peaoocks are the star attraction at the Central Park men agerie in New York City. The long armed gibbon, known as the missing link, which has held the place of honor at the park zoo, will takeabaok seat. It is said there aro only two white peacocks in America. The strange peacocks have been a part of a circus in Cincinnati. Superinten dent Smith heard of them and ar ranged for an exchange. Cape buf faloes are a rarity in this country, hut the menagerie has several of them and no freak peacocks. The circus man finally consented to let the pea cocks go to New York City and to take in exchange one of the oapo buffaloes. The white peacook is the albino of the peacock family, and ouly a very few of them are found outside of their native country, India, where they aro considered sacred. Matorlal For His Play. A fonrtecn-year-old hoy marohed busily up to the doorkeeper and asked to he allowed to see the Molineux trial. The attendant told him he was too small, and pushed him hack. "But I've got some important busi ness," he said, resentfully. "Important business?" "I'm writing a play, sir, and the fourth act is a murder trial just like Mr. Molineux's." "Get out, you 1" "Why do you let Mr. Scott, tho Euglishmau, in, aud Mr. Bronson Howard and Mr. Klein, tho actor?" "Wait till you are as big as they are." "Well, wait till you see my play," snapped the applicant for admit tance, and stalked haughtily up to the elevator.—New York Commercial Ad vertiser. Tito .'Meanest Men. Some of the meauest men in tho world are the fellows who stop in front of a newsboy, pretend to feel for a cent with which to buy a paper, sneak a glance nt the headlines which gives them ull the news they want, and then refuse to buy, saying, "Just had one." —New York Press. A COMICAL WORLD. "Such a comical world," said the Funnj Man, And he laughed, "Hh-hal lie-he! Row peopje can keep from laugning aloud Is really a mystery to me. "Now the sun arises In oarly morn, And that Is no funny to me; it doesn't wait till poople are up Is funny as fuuuy cau be. "Aud the moon and the stars prowl around nt night When tho people aro all in bed;" And lie laughed, "Ha-ha! He-hel" Aud shook from his toes to his hoad. "Why. tho brooks are alwnys running down hill, And (which seems so funny to mo), They never climb back, yot never run dry; Which is funny as funny can be. "And another thing that is comical, too, The rivers run into the sea; ■ But it never runs o'er or fullor gets, "Which also seems funny to me. "And the higher you climb up the moun tain tall, And the nearer the sun," said he, "The oolder it grows, und that, too, I'm sure, Is funny as funny can be. "Such a comical worldl" said the Fuuny Man, And ho laughed, "Ila-haf Ho-hol How pooplo can koep from laughing aloud Is really a mystery to mo." —Detroit Free Press. JINGLES AND JESTS. Sillicus—"A woman's troubles are always extreme." Cynicus—"Yes; shoes and hats." There is a chance for some genius To spend his days in olover By inyouting cloth for overcoats Thut will fade alike all over. —Chicago News. | "1 may have wheels," said the driver of the van, "but I move in the best society."—Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. Hoax—"Salary been reduced, ch? That's hard luck. Made you feel mad, didn't it?" Joax—"No, but it made me feel cheap." I fear he will not rise to fame; Ho has indeed a studious bout, But ull with ease may road his name Whene'er ho signs a document. —Washington Star. Maude—"Have Bella and Jack ba a new quarrel?" Lena—"Oh, no!— but they've patched up their old one till it's about as good as new."— Puck. The Amiable Plutocrat "But riches do uot bring happiness." The Unamiablo Pauper "But I ain't lookiu' for happiness. All I want is comfort."—lndianapolis Journal. Judge—"Have you anything to say before the court passes seutenco?" Prisoner—"Well, all I've got to say is, I hope you'll consider the extronie youth of my lawyer, aud let me ofl easy." Little Edgar—"Pa, what's a lineal descendant?" Pa—"He is generally some one who is trying to get through the world on a reputation somebody ' made before he was born." —Chicago ! Times-Herald. "I seo by the newspapers," ro . marked Reeder, "that tho miners in the Klondike are sending out appeals for wives." "Is that so?" ejaculated ; Ilenuypeck, in an eager whisper, I "They can have mine." j "You are not opaque, aro you?" sarcastically asked one man of another I who was standing in front of him at i the theatre. "Faith, an' Oim not," replied the other. "It's O'Brien thot Oiaui."—Chicago News. Each man is apt to deem, wo'ro told, That fellowman his frleud, Who never asks to borrow gold, But bus some he will lead. —Elliott's Magazine. They were engaged. "Life," she ' said, as she arose from the piano ' stool, "will be one long, sweet soug ! after we are married." "That settles it, then," firmly responded her lover, as he picked up his hat and took his departure.—Ohio State Journal. "As I understand it," says Mrs, Gazzam, "by the wireless telegraph system the messages go right through the air "Yes, that is cor rect," assented Mr. Gazzem. "Then a person who has just filed a message in the telegraph office may swallow his own words oji his way home."— Harper's Bazar. The Feinlnlne Observer. Women desire sympathy; men pre fer help. What a lot of trouble we could avoid if we ouly learned not to worry? The average young man of the day thinks himself about fifty years ahead of the times. Many really worldly women cannot overcome their nervousness at the ar rival of a telegram. It is either the very young woman or the one who feels youth oreeping away from her that treasures clip pings of poetry. A woman is quiok to believe a man cares for her, but a man never seems to be quite convinced that a woman loves him until she wearies him with hor affection. A woman can write the most exaot iug essay in an awfully oramped posi tion and with a perfect terror of a pen; a man. ou the other hand, must have the most felicitous environment to be able to even receipt a bill. —Philadel- phia Times. Carrying Loas Across a Chasin. Europe's unique transportation wry !is the Forst Rope Road. In the cau j ton of Orisons, on the 'dizzy preoi ! pice of Via Mala (the bad way), a | deep defile of Switzerland along the j upper Rhine, walled in by precipices I in some places 1600 feet high, it is so ! diffioult to get the felled trees across the valley that a wire rope railway j hangs from the mountaiu top across j the valley down to Rougelleu. To , this cable are fastened big logo by | rope and pulley, wbioh slowly are carried across the vulley. When se vere storms sweep down from the mountain passes, frequently the sys tem gets tangled, and then it is neces sary for some one to make the perilous journey out on the rope to unravel the mass.