Tensas gazette. [volume], May 19, 1911, Image 8

About Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current

Image provided by: Louisiana State University; Baton Rouge, LA

                
ohn Henr
MAKES A
CHOICE
By GEORGE V. HOBART
"Seven of 'em?" inquired Bunch,
with a grin.
"Yes," I said; "seven of Rural- I
dene's most prominent citizens have
asked Uncle Peter to run for mayor."
"Is he game?"
"Is he gamet" I chortled; "why the
way he fell for it was pitiful The
moment the spokesman guy began to I
beat the piazza with the steamcoated a
lapguage Uncle Peter did a hoodah, I
and when they mentioned the word I
mayor he went up in the air feet first I
and began to bark at the scenery."
"Do you think hell be elected?" i
Bunch cut in. I
"It's a moral," I answered. "He'll
win hands down-in the pockets d c
the odor of burning money won't do
a thing to the local atmosphere. Say,
Bunch, I hate to see Uncle Peter go
ip against the political ghost-dance at
his time of life-and with all that I
masoom! Why, as soon as the glad s
tidings spread around that he was
overboard a flock of ward-heelers hit a
the lawn in front of the villa and we
rad to hide every pocketbook in the I
house."
"Why don't you cure him ?" laughed I
Bunch.
"Now don't pull that," I snapped. I
"The suggestion that we should cure
Uncle Peter of race-trackitis came I
from the cosy-corner in your upper
story which you are pleased to call <
your brain, and what happened to us? c
Nix, Bunch, I've resigned from the
SBocety for the Prevention of Cruelty
to Uncle Peter's Bank Account It's
my play to let him splash around in
the political mud baths till he cureI
htimself. Never again will I make up
for Rufus the Reformer and stand be
twaeen Uncle Peter and the red lights.
It's up to him if he wants to take the
weights oe the lid."
"What ticket is he on?" asked
Bumb
T give you eight guesses," I an
sweed. "From the line of talk the
old man hands out I'm afraid it must
be a mileage ticket."
"Well, who's running against him ?"
Bunch tnsisted.
"You can search me," I said. "I
do't believe the opposition can And
anyone with a roll big enough to stand
the pressure. It's a mighty fat wad
that doesn't feel ashamed of itself
when it stacks up to Uncle Peter's
rakeotf Whea's the wedding, Bunchr'
"Oh, Uncle William Gray has pat it
of another year," sighed Bunch. "He
sa I have yet to demonstrate my
abity as a business man, and he
we't listen to any argument I're
1tuý it all over with Aliee and we t
thb seriously of eloping."
Before I could band Bunch the sym
pathetic mitt Aunt Martha came bust- t
1mg out on the veranda followed by I
Unele Peter, who, in turn, was fol
lowed by Lissle Joyce, our newest and c
latest cook.
Issie wore a new lid, trimmed with
wevwn of Ruraldens Most Prominent Cftlans Asked Unole Peter to Run for
Mayor.
oa los and spaghetti, like a rou n
wind shield over her map; she had a
grouchy looking grip In one hand and
a pink parasol with black freckles in
the other. She was made up to catch
the frst train that sniffed into the
station.
Aunt Martha greated Bunch, and
thak whiatere plslvely. "' ie
has been here only two days and this
makes the seventh time she has start
ed for town."
Basy Lissle took the oeste of the
stage and scowled at her audience
"I'm takin' the next train for town.
mesal" she annoouned, with consider
able bitternes.
Uncle Peter made a brave effort to
scowl back at her, but she fashed her
lanterns at him and he fell back two
paces to the rear.
"What Is it this time, Lisdle" in
quired Aunt Martha.
Liase put the grouchy grip down,
folded her arms, and said. "Oh. I have
me grievances!"
Uncle Henry sidled up to Aunt
Martha, and said in a hoarse whisper,
"My deear, this shows a lack ot Arm
ness ea your part. Now leave every
thing to me and let me settle this
obstreperous ervant once and for
all"
Ueole Peter crossed over and got
In the limelight with Lisle.
"It occurs to me," he began in
pl1hed accents. "that this is an occa
ebi upon which I should publicly
Plat out to you the error of your
ways, and send you back to your hum
ble esma with a bette knwilede
or OW Oebs Is this heusebsM."
sai d t In. sad UdeO
tote 0u fr . aot line.
,D b
come-back, "I'd land on you good and
hard, that I would. What else are you
here for, you fathead?"
"Fathead!" echoed Uncle Peter in
astonishment
"Peter leave her to me," pleaded
Aunt Martha.
But Uncle Peter rushed blindly on
to destruction. "Ellsabeth," he said,
sternly, "in view of your most unre
ined and unladylike language it be
hooves me to reprimand you severely.
I will, therefore-"
Then Lisse and the pink parasol
struck a Casey-at-the-bat pose, and cut
in: "G'wan away from me with your
dime novel talk or I'll place the back
of me unladylike hand on your Jowls!"
"Peter!" warningly exclaimed the
perturbed Aunt Martha.
"Yes, Martha; you're right," the old
gentleman said, turning hastily. "I
must hurry and finish my speech of
acceptance," and he faded away.
"It isn't an easy matter to get
servants out here," Aunt Martha whis
pered to us; "I must humor her.
Now, Lissie, what's wrong?"
"You told me, mem, that I should
have a room with a southern exr
posure," said the Queen of the Bunga
low.
"And isn't the room as described?"
inquired Aunt Martha.
"The room is all right, but I don't
care for the exposure," said the Prin
cess of Porkchope.
"Well, what's wrong?" insisted my
patient auntie.
"Sure, the room is so exposed,
mem, that every mosquito between
here and Long Island City Sew in
there last night, mem, and almost
beat me to death with their wings,"
said the Baroness resad-puedtdn, with
acrimony. "I'm a cook, mem; I'm no
free lunch for a passel of hungry mos
quitoes."
"Very well, Uasse," said Aunt
Martha, soothingly; "I'll have screens
put in the windows at 'once and a
netting over the bed."
"All right, mem," said the Countess
of Cornbeet, removing the lid "I'll
stay; but keep that husband of yours
with the woosy lingo out of the kitch
en, because I'm a nervous woman-I
am that!" and then the Duchess of
Devillekhidneys got a stranglehold on
her grouchy grip and ducked for the
grab foundry.
Aunt Martha sighed and went out
in the garden where Uncle Peter was
compong his drst political speech.
"Bunch," I said, "this scene with
Her Highness of Clamchowder ought
to be an awful warning to you. No
man shouldl get married these days
unless be's sure his wife can juggle
the frying pan and take a fall out ao
an egg beater. We've had 18 cooks
in 18 days, and every time a new face
comes in the kitchen the dumb.
waiter screams with fright.
"You can see where they've worn
a new trail through the grass on the
retreat to the depot
"It's an awful thing, Bunch! My
palate Is weak from sampling diferenl
styles of mashed potatoes.
"We had one last week who rm
swered roll call when you yelled
Phyllis.
"Isn't that a peach at a handle foi
a kitchen queen with a map like Man
churia on a dark night?
"She came to us well recommended
by herself, and said she knew how pi
cook backwards.
"We believed her after the frst
meal, because that's how she cooked
it.
"Phyllis was a very inventive girl
She could cook saything on earth o0
in the waters underneath the earth
and she proved it by trying to m;
tempenny nails with the baked beans.
"When Phyllis found there was ac
shredded oats in the house for break
fast she changed the cover of the
washtub into sawdust and sprinkled I1
with the whisk boom, chopped fine
"It wasn't a half bad breakfast fdod
ol the home-made kind, but every time
I took a drink of water the sawdust
used to float up in my throat and
tickle me.
"The first and ealy day she wal
with us Phyllis sqgadered two de
lar' worth of e trying to make a
lemon meringue ptt pie
"She tried to be artistic with this
but one of the egsu was old and wer
ous and It lipped.
"Uncle Peter asked Phylis it abs
moasd e some maaria u~t
and Phis semmed. 'No; my or
eat have bees SwIdes ad their lvese
The sas ran M amaes the aswa
wiH the gasltas *rWe
"Mt w ibet -nn as hitches tea*
w . ýs b* 4aker sui su -
back at her, I'm a woman, it is true,
but I will show you that I can keep a
secret!'
"When the meal came on the table
we were compelled to keep the secret
with her.
"It looked like Irish stew, tasted
like clam chowder and behaved like a
bad boy.
"On the second day it suddenly oc
curred to Phyllis that she was work
ing, so she handed in her resignation,
handed Hank, the gardener, a jolt in
his cafe department, handed out a lot
of unnecessary talk, and left us fiat.
"The only thing about the house
that loved her was a pair of my wife's
handsome side combs, and they went
with her.
"The next rebate we had in the
kitchen was a colored man named
James Buchanan Pendergrast.
"James was all there is and carry
four. He was one of the most careful
cooks that ever made faces at the
roast beef.
"The evening he arrived we in
tended to have shad roe for dinner,
and James informed us that that was
where he lived.
"Eight o'clock came and no dinner.
"
"Lizle."
Half-past eight and no dinner. Then
Aunt Martha went in the kitchen to
convince him that we were human
beings with appetites.
"She found Careful James counting
the roe to see if the fish dealer had
sent the right number.
"He was up to 2,196,493 and still
had a half a pound to go.
"James left that night followed by
shouts of approval from all present.
"I'm telling you all this Bunch, just
to prove that fate is kind while it de
lays your wedding until some genius
invents an antomatic cook made of
aluminum and electricity."
Bunch laughed and shook his hdad.
"I've waited long enough,' he said,
"and I intend to marry Alice before
November in spite of Mr. William
Gray!"
"Wait, Bunch!" I yelled suddenly;
"I've got an Idea! and it's a corker!"
"Your ideas usually are," Bunch
came back at me.
"Drop the hammer and be good," I
admonished. "This idea is a kick
apalas all right. Get a committee to
induce Uncle William Gray to run
against Uncle Peter for mayor!"
Bunch jumped to his feet. "Where
does that help me?" he asked.
"Why, you can be Uncle William's
campaign manager and make such a
hit with him that at the finish he'll
smother you and Alice in orange blos
soms," I went on. "Take my tip,
Bunch; it's the royal road to Cinch'
town, and I'll help you on your way."
"You'll help me!" he repeated in
astonishment; "against Uncle Peter?"
"Bunch!" I said, "Uncle Peter is a
wise old gentleman, but he has no
business sloshing around in the po
litical puddle. If he wins this local
election hell get ambitious, and if he
gets ambitious hell go broke. Be
sides, he has ignored me completely
in the whole matter. When the sub
ject first came up I tried to cut in
with some sound advice, but he went
away out on the Ice. He told Clara
J. that he would conduct his own cam
paign because he knows he is a born
diplomat. So the fence for mine. Now
take my tip, Bunch; get a committee
after Uncle William Gray."
"Perhaps he won't run," Bunch
said.
"Won't run when he's told that his
opponent is Uncle Peter Grant!" I
shouted. "Why you know as well uas I
do that Uncle Peter is old Bill Gray's
most cherished enemy. Both of them
have spent the last ten years hiding
up the road and hoping each other's
hearse will come along so they can
scare the horses!"
"You know, John, I'rVe been away
on a four months' business trip and
I'm not posted on local affairs," Bunch
butted in. "I1 noticed several shady
looking characters around the Gray
villa yesterday when I called on.Allce
-maybe they were trying to induce
the old fellow to accept the nomina
tion. Do you really think hell run?"
"Why, when William Gray learns
that Peter Grant is running for mayor
hell be overboard with a splash that
will wet every throat in Ruraldene,"
I answered. "What! Uncle William
let Uncle Peter be the hottest pie in
the community! not on your tontine!"
"Im beginning to like the idea,"
Bunch answered. "And you'll help
me, John?"
I threw a willing mitt at Bunch, but
before he could reach for It Uncle
Peter rushed breathlessly arond the
corner.
"John," he panted; "I've come to
my senses in this matter. Young blood
is beet after all. I'vre just decided to
makes you my campaign manaer, and
you'll steer me cm to victory."
'"Bt, Just a moment, Uncle Peter;L
I began, and he stopped me.
"No argument, John!" he shouted;
"the honor of the family is at stake.
Pe fjust heard that old BiIl Gray will
accept the nomination to run on the
opposition ticket and we must beat
him! For the honor of the family,
Johnal"
"I looked sheepishly at Bench and
ch lookeSd at his hat.
ir tk beeh r ef the 6mew ,"
Whe ter ranmated. *aa oaUlea
old II Ora l"
'tip .al eg," I uwpere to Bp ,
rs~g ~ W~ a ~eiItde
IIAPP
Open Court to Mend Broken Hearts
s sur 0 OI
C HICAGO.-When the municipal
courts of Chicago convened for the
first time in their chambers in the
new city hall, a new branch of that
department of city government came
into being-the court of domestic re
lations. Judge Charles N. Goodnow
is to preside over the court, and his
oficial capacity is to be that of "mend.
er of fractured hearts," while Frank
N. Hillis, who is known as "prose
cutor," is in reality to be "chief as
sistant heart mender."
The opening day was essentially
children's day, although all the offen
ders brought to the bar were adults.
One onlooker described it, in ingenious
paradox, as the "adult Juvenile court."
Both Judge Goodnow and Prosecut
or Hillis are married men and their
wives are taking a deep interest in
the new court, which is the second of
its kind in the United States. Both
have volunteered to aid their hus
bands in carrying out their new du
ties. Judge Goodnow declared that he
expected to ask his wife for a great
deal of aid.
Millionaire's Son Weds in Secret
OBOTON. -WIIIam Stuart Leeds,
Harvard '10, twentyyone years old,
of Lakewood, N. J., whose father was
known as the tin plate king, married
Mrs. May Joyce, a Boston divorcee, It
Nashua, N. H.
City Clerk Arthur L. Cyr of Nashua
confirmed the news.
"I married the couple myself, in my
ofce," said he. "The bride said she
was a divorcee and gave her address
as merely Boston."
Mrs. Leeds met Billy Leeds when he
came to Harvard from his Lakewood
home in the fall of 1906. Billy paid
her much attention. While his col
lege friends are not surprised to learn
that he has married the girl of his
college aeetions, they did not know
that he was planning to be wedded
just now.
Billy Leeds is the son of a wealthy
family. At Harvard t was ,evident
from the luxurious life he led that he
had plenty at money. He did not fin.
ish his college course, but left Har
vard in the spring of 1908, his sopho
more year. He took a venture in the
automobile bustnaes. Then hi quit
that for brokerage. He is now listed
as being In a broker's ofce at 116
Broadway, New York.
In college Billy Leeds was popular,
St Louis Van Winkle Sleeps Long
* TRICW1
a A DAY 9
ST. LOUIS.-Dawn was just breaking
In Maplewood when his telephone
bell aroused William B. McBride, town
marshal.
"There is a man lying dead at Man
chester road and Bellevue avenue,"
called a voice.
There was a man there, but he was
not dead. He was a big man, 200
pounds or so, and McBride observed
that he was breathing regularly and
very deeply. McBride rapped the soles
of htL feet with a stick, but the man
only grunted.
If there had been a patrol wagon l
Maplewood McBride would have sum
moned it. Tie marshal went to a liv
ery stable and borrowed a wheelbar.
Holds Up Glass to Lonely Gotham
N EW YORK.-"This city is so lon
Sly; among these millions there is
so little fellowship and sympathy; in
the midst of all this wealth you are
all so poor, with so many laborsav
ing devices you all work so hard, with
this great possibility of knowledle
you know so little, with such splendid
chances at life you merely exist, with
a chance to ly you merely crawl."
This is the result of a bit of "ob
serving and philosophising" by Rev.
R. D. Sawyer of Ware, Mass., who has
just paid his first visit to New York
city. He came with the avowed in
tention of spending a fortnight's vae'
tion ton studying the denizens of tene
ment, flat and hotel. His impressions
are given in a "Statement to New
Yorkers," of which the foregoing
forms a part.
"You New Yorkers are a people of
paradoxes," says Mr. Sawyer; "you
spend time on tytng the ties, aing the
hair, the hat, the raiment, as though
it were New York's custom to look
every person 'carefully over, and then
you go out looking neither right nor
left, being caretul to observe nobody
A Sacred Condenes.
Down at Southtowa. Lang Wlad.
there's a hotel that weleomes the
trost fisherma. It sends out a neat
ly typewritten announcement that the
seaso begins on March I1, adds the
neceeary details as to sunrise and
the state of the moon, and winds up
with this remark: "Orders for worms
from those who fish only with the Bl
.b.P·r~ u h ~ mss~rur
"Of course, the court must furm hiJ
own opinions, but the viewpoint of as
unbiased woman on subjects which l
woman alone can understand thor
oughly ought to be of valuable as
sistance," he said.
Mr. Hillis explained that his dutie
would not be those which usually fall
on the shoulders of a city prosecutor,
"The object of the court is, as I
understand It, to restore harmony it
homes threatened with disruption, and
the fewer cases that are prosecuted
the more successful is the work of
the prosecutor."
Here are some of the problems
which are expected to confront the
new court:
Nagging wives.
Brutal husbands. i
Mothers-in-law.
The servant question.
Women's clubs.
Corner saloons.
Suffragists.
Both judge and prosecutor agreed
that they had some busy times ahead
of them.
Settlement workers were present in
large numbers at the opening. "It is
really for the children, you know,"
was the way they all expressed their
belief in the future of the new co,
and It was for the children that his
Jane Addams spoke In the form ex
ercises that preceded the calling of the
first case.
ar .orr TELLn
ANYSopy -w[
WANT IT KEPT
SECRET
not for his money, but for his good
fellowship. He Joined the Harvard
union. He became known among the
boys as an expert bridge whister and
a pool and billiard player, who was
lightning fast on the tables. While
not athletic he supported the athlette
interests of the dbllege and was prop
erly enthusiastic for the Crimson.
In his freshman year Billy roomed
In Brentford hall, one of the exclusive
dormitories of Massachusetts avenue.
In his sophomore year he moved into
Dana chambers.
When the last Boston automole
show was in progress Billy came over
from New York to renew collegiate
friendships, as it was supposed. A
hint of a yomsace cropped out them.
but came to no deldnts form. It was
at that time, however, an March 14,
according to the testimony of City
clerk Cyr of Nashua, that Billy Leeds
and Mrs. Joyo wenat to Nashua sad
were married.
row. no men waeeie tae man a"o
blocks to the jail.
Five hours after the man was toued
Justlee Willecken tried to awakel him
so that he could try him. The man
absolutely refused to surrender his
subconscious .lf.
In the evening Wlleeken tried
again. This time the man rubbed his
eyes and a smile gathered slowly ea
his face as he said:
"Gorra, It was a great Patrmick
day."
Then he asked Willecken: "Where
did I meet you? I was by mywsef, I
think, wien I got on the street ear at
Benton statton this afternoon sad told
the conductor to let me off at Twenty
first street."
The man said he was Eugene Kel
ley, ffty-two years old, of 1127 Adams
street, St. Loas. His surprise on
learning that he was in jail Ih the
county and that St. Patrick' day was
ancient history was as great as that ao
Rip Van Winkle on a certain memors
ble occasion.
LOOK AT LOOK
and you kaow nobody wll obebsesty.
"In you. sub*7. you r?, fow@,
Jostle to get the expres, you arowd
in and stand up for a ride at ve
mill-all to rave Afve -untes, sad
you lounge away a half bhor t the
end, for you really had no reasoa to
hurry.
"You are lan, hImury-faed. You
go to the theaters as one woad be e.
pected to so to a twmersLt Tom tke
your pleasures as seriously as a high
school boy table his OredO I weer
and the Intertwned arms, the samnt
er, the mirth among you, eves whe
you are of duty.
"The oy pgreat ths I and i New
York Is your eagame~bc a The geat
thing about New York Is the sity, ft
the peoep."
N* Chease ABe t It
'Tm awfully swy It happenedv'
apologised the shiest yrmgs m
after the stam issL. "Itappeaes"
she ezelaied. "Rappeasi That Is
ware that the lies! If y mena to
my to as that yoo didnt Ias. It In
miad when you asked me is slo
away back here ln this quiet oeaur
of the coservatery. IShaD be k d.
Sen after u."--Judg
Tee arms* I Valus.
The bportame ofa~ as is .m
t hIpotwled I_ i gewedl s be
-am deslt a nj in S -)
Serious se.
Handicap n.,.
SJOEN A. sowLAND
EAR of one's holding his position often is one of the
' s handicaps which an otherwise capable woe &
with. For some reason the worker gets the ide thas
"making good" in his position. The idea, whedua,
wrong, is disconcerting to him. Accordingly as
exacting and wearing upon him, his capacity for wuo
ened doubly by this sense of fear that is engemA red
Especially in the case of the young man who se
ing in worldly experiences and who is sensitive
the insecurity of his position, this fear is likelyt
him, often without good reason and always to his disadvantage i
I know a hard-headed man of mauias not remarkable for iii
nes or for his diplomacy in business, who for years has voiced
msent that he wouldn't keep any man in his employ who was
his job." Yet all his life the attitude of this employer had br~
to make fear in the hearts of some of his most earnest, capable
The result of years of this policy had been to gather around jj
thick-hided, overconfident, half-bullying msistants who
and his methods. I doubt if he has a man in his employ who
of loyalty for him and if the business should go to the wall
believe most of his retainers would have a certain sense of
There is no form of introspection which promisee more to
young man than is that study of himself with relation to his
man can work effectively who cannot measure his work rati
he knows what an acceptable day's work is he cannot know
accomplished it. It cannot be acceptable to himself tntil he e
himself that it is more and better work than is done by the a
in the position.. .
Not infrequently, too, the young man may feel that inddn -
thing which indicates to him that his employer doesn't like hid
ality.
If you are a young man, in business, nursing an uneasines N
long you are going to hold your position, ask yourself what is the
with you. Under ordinary conditions you may feel assured that
tion needs to start with yourself. Press the question honestly
try to dodge it or excuse yourself. You are likely to diseevs 
are nursing in your heart a fear that you are not doing your
Don't you know what that whole duty is? Haven't youam ant
well some other acquaintance in your line of work might do it,?
you can't expect to hold the place if at a moment's a~ti
can be found who will do it better.
On the other hand, if you know what you can do in c
the best men in your line and if, doing this always, yea
still have this fear of your position, you owe'it to your.
self tp find another situation. Whatever the source of
this fear for one's place, so man capable of nursing
that fear can do justice to himself and his work. In
one form or another, it ment be a confession of weak.
ness in the worker, and the wraitr continually in the
attitude of confessing his weakness must be rmbor.
grading. -
These who belies in ths
physical benefits to be derir
M oral anesa athletics in our sehools
M oral meet deeply onecsres at the.
Physical cie " to rt mo
stadents. Thewe tendssem s, Less
Benefits are in dang. of ptoducing i
ini likely to deppas of the great
r on~n amount of thl a in our ac aI s ity Im
ficial.-- -
dent p the ots to be. el s bla ade
Shabits of thought through the rouoitine of 'smiom d
shaacquired only a of rather tha sound
and develop sound abartter. Sins ond be i a
reasonable amonnt of h~slft s1 is er esesmie the ce' et
And the los of such intellectsal and moral lnaders that we touat
colleges ad unlversisti to produce, must work irrepsrable
every phase of our national lie ad
progress.
If a man ad womtn,
marige, the y or as J
Nothi t th 'othly uworhde w .
Ca T . e - othing ean tak, t& plae of
C. o Th.t aloe n hp them to
yo a e .e oths sritoPmhig tr - _
L- ov tverety om s, to cheer ma " oe , -
courage each other
I do not beiheve in WInd
y L D . plinges peuona into marriage
____________.** dollars ad trusts to lack to d6
In these times I would net
ting married an an income of 10 a week. With the closest
a week might do for a time, bcked by the premise of $18 to
near foture.
Prompted by the bowlerdg
speedily ehildreu ar take od
Cizik . of ar - thasesra adL knowing
W othem with many .nes
Guna on sews omrwice
ing also that this employment
Publc ure-for maim the child is happy
aSml it is not worth ear fae a
sad woald not remain there 9
"""" - """in wish to cell atteition to the
hme4 b. rAn who der gum few ee l sal
____________. It cannot be eaid that it
for these children to be oet ga
in rain and mow, wind and qold. This will be prisetly
you watch the child for a few moments and see it countisg the
packages of gum remaining amaid aid fguring out how
remsin at befoa it dae tog6 hoae.
S t' per cent. of the ases aslade through plf
the l'*W-hfnen to bay beforP others.
This begging ought to be etepped.