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FEING LIFE with JOHN HENRY * G6eorqceVf obart John Henry on Dieting I WAS complainlng to some of my friends in the Club the other eve 'ng because a germ General Villa was storming the outposts of my di gestive tract when a Nut in the party began to slip me a line of talk about a vegetable diet. I didn't fall for it until be proved to me that Kid Methuselah had pro longed an otherwise uneventful life and was enabled to make funny faces at the undertakers until he reached the age of 969 simply because he ate nothing but dandelion salad, mashed potatoes and stewed prunes. Then I went home and told friend wife about it. She approved eagerly because she felt that it might solve the servant problem. Since we started housekeeping about eight months ago we've aver aged two cooks a week. Tuesdays and Fridays are our days for changing chefs. The old cook leaves Monday evening and the new cook arrives Tuesday morning. Then the new I cook leaves on Thursday evening and the newest cook arrives on Friday, and so on, world without end. Friend wife decided she could dip a few parsnips in boiling water without the aid of a European kitchen mech anician. Vegetarians! What a great idea! Now she could get out into the sun light once in a while instead of stand ing forever at the hall door as a per petual reception committee to frowsy headed Slavonian exiles demanding $35 per and nix on the washing. But it was Friday and our latest cook was at that moment annoying the gas range in the kitchen, so why not experiment and find out what merit there is in a vegetarian menu? The ayes have it-send for the Duch ess of Dishwater. Enter the Duchess, so proud and haughty, with a rolling pin in one hand and a guide to the City of New York in the other. During her idle moments-she studied the Guide. Even now, and only three weeks from Ellis Island, she knew the city so well that she could go from one situation to an other with her eyes closed. "Ollie," said friend wife. "do you know how to cook vegetables in an appetisdng manner?" "Of course," answered Ollie, her lips curling disdainfully. Then I chipped in with: "Very well, Ollie. The members of this household are vegetarians for the time being. All of us are vegetarians, including }'" the dog, so please govern yourself ac cordingly." Ollie smiled in a broad Hungarian manner and whispered that vegetarl salsms was where she lived. She confided to us that she could cook vegetaL.es so artistically that the palate would believe them to be filet Mignon with champagne sauce. Then she shook the rolling pin at a picture of friend wife's grandfather, and started in to fool the BPeef Trust Enter the Duchess, So0 Proud and Haughty, With a Rolling Pin in One Hand and a Guide to the City of No w York in the Other. who put all the butchers out of bust-al Dinnertime came and we were all expectancy. 'the first course was potato soup. Flling but not fascinating. The second course was potato chips. which we nibbled slightly while we looked eagerly at the butler's pantry. The next course was French fried potatoes with some shoestring pota toes on the side, and I began to get nervous. This was followed by a dish of Ger man fried potatoes, some hash-browned potatoes and some potato saute. whereupon my appetite got up and left the room. The next course was plain boiled po tatoes with the Jackets on and baked potatoes with the jackets open at the throat and then some roasted potatoes with Bolero Jackets. I was beginning to see that a man must have in his veins the blood of martyrs and of heroes to be a vege tartan and at the same time I could feel myself fixing my fingers to choke Ollie. The next course was a plate of po tato salad, and then I fainted. When I got back. Ollie was standing user the table with a sweet smile on each side of her face walting for the applause of those present. "Have you anything else?" I In quired, hungrily. "Oh, yes!" said Ollie. "I have some potato pudding for dessert." When I got through swearing. Ollie was under the stove, my wife was un Sder the table, the dog was under the Sped and I was under the influence of I'm csred. A tr this my digestive tract will Sa p p aht a siroiota stpak every time f rthw thuspy edtruude h Blesides, I don't want to live as long as Methuselah. If I did I'd have to learn to Tango some time in the 900 years to come--then I'd be just the same as everybody else In the world. ('an you get a flash of Methuselah at the age of sixty-four taking Tango lessons from lialdy Sloane up at Weisenfeffer's pedal parlors? And then having to survive for 905 years with the dance bug in his dome! Close the door. Delia; there's a I draft. When Peaches recovered from the shock of my outburst over the potato pudding she said the only way I could square myself was to take her to the very-latest-to-datest hotel in New York for dinner. That is some task if you live up town, believe me, because they open new hotels in New York now the same 1 as they open oysters-by the dozen. However, after stuffing my pockets with all my earthly possessions, we hiked forth and started for the Built fast-the very latest thing in expen sive beaneries. Directly we entered its polished por tals we could see from the faces of the clerks and the clocks that a lot of money changed hands before the Builtfast finally became an assessment center. In the lobby the furniture was cov ered with men about town. who sat around with a checkbook in each hand and made faces at the cash reg ister. There are more bellboys than bed rooms in the hotel. They use them for change. Every time you give the cashier $15 he hands you back $1.50 and six bellboys. We took a peep at the diamond backed dining room, and when I saw the waiters .refusing everything but certified checks in the way of a tip, I said to Peaches, "This is no place for us!" But she wouldn't let go. and we filed in to the appetite killery. A very polite lieutenant-waiter, with a sergeant-waiter and two cor poral-waiters, greeted us and we gave the countersign, "Abandon wealth, all ye who enter here." Then the lieutenant-waiter and his army corps deployed by columns of four and escorted us to the most ex pensive looking trough I ever saw in a dining room. "Peaches," I said to friend wife, "I'm doing this to please you, but af ter I pay the check, it's me to file a petition in bankruptcy." She just grinned, picked up the point-lace napkin and began to admire the onyx furniture. "Qu souhaltez-vous?" said the waiter, bowing so low that I could feel a chill running through my little bank account. "I guess he means you," I whis pered to Peaches, but she looked very solemnly at the menu card and be Kan to bite her lips. "Je ueis tout a votre service." the waiter crosscountered before I could recover, and he had me gasping. It never struck me that I had to take a course in French before entering the luiltfast hungry foundry, and there I sat making funny faces at the table cloth, while friend wife blushed crim son and the waiter kept on bowing like an animated jack-knife. "Say, Mike!" I ventured after a bit; "tip us off to a quiet bunch of eating that will fit a couple of appetites just out seeing the sights. Nothing that will put a kink in a year's income, you know, Bo; just suggest some little thing that looks better than it tastes, but is not too expensive to keep down." "Que souhaites-vous?" said he back at me. "Un diner confortable dolt se composer de potage, de vo laille bouillie ou rotie, chaude on froide, de gibier, de plats rares et distingues, de sucreries, de patisseries et de fruits!" I looked at my wife, and she looked at me; then we both looked out the window and wished we had never been born. "Say. Garsong." I said, after we came to, "my wife is a daughter of the American Revolution and she's so patriotic she eats only in United States; so cut out the Moulin Rouge lyrics and let's get down to cases. How much will it set me back if I or der a plain steak-Just enough to flirt with two very polite appetites?" "Nine dollars and seventy cents," said Joan of Are's brother Bill. "The seventy cents is for the steak and the nine dollars will help to pay for the Looey the Fifteenth furniture in the bridal chamber." "Save the money, John, whispered Peaches; "and we'll buy a planola with It." "How about a silver of reset beet with some simple vegetalhe." I said to the waiter. "Is it a bull market for an order like that?" "Three dollars and forty-two cents," answered Henri of Navarre. "Forty two cents for the order and three dol lars to help pay for the French velvet curtains in the golden suite on the second floor." "Keep on guessing, John; youll wear him out," Peaches whispered. "Possibly a little cold lamb with a suggestion of potato salad on the side might satisfy us," I said. Make si me an estimate." ft "Four dollars and eighteen cents," p replied Patsey Boulanger. "Eighteen cents for the lamb and salad and the w four dollars for the Looey the Fif- C teenth draperies in the drawing- w room." it "Ask him if there's a bargain coun- ft ter anywhere in the dining room." "1 t whispered Peaches. P "My dear," I said to friend wife, h "we have already displaced about six- te ty dollars worth of space in this dys- al pepsia emporium, and we must, there- D fore, behave like gentlemen and order something, no matter what the cost. d What are the savings of a lifetime b I compared with our honor!" The waiter bowed so low that his r shoulder blades cracked like a whip. "Bring us." I said, "a plain omelet II ) and one dish of prunes." I waited till Peter Girofla translated this into French and then I added: "And on the side, please, two glasses i of water and three toothpicks. Have 2] t< A Flash of Methuleh at the Age of S Sixty-Four Taking Tango Lessons SFrom Baldy Sloane. - the prunes fricassed, wash the water on both .corners and bring the tooth The waiter rushed away and all t around us we could hear money talk' sing to itself. f Fair women sat at the tables pick-of in dishes out of the bill of fare which t I brought the blush of sorrow to the is faces of their escorts. It was a wonater derful sight, especially for those who onhave a nervous chill every time the p gas bill comes in b When we ate our modest little din, h ner the waiter presented a check tl roundwhich calle could for three dollars and thirty-three cents. "The thirty-three cents is for what I you ordered," Alexnnder J. Dumas ex plained, "and the three dollars is fortl the French hangings in the parlor." te "Holy Smoke!" I cried, "That fel- s low Looey the Fifteenth has been do d inderfu a lot of work aroun here, hasn't he?" But the waiter was so busy watching the finerouish of the change he handed me that he didn't crack a smile. Then I got reckless and handed him ra Then he looked at me and turned paler.ty-three cent. is Then he ty-threeo thank me but he P caught another flash of that plebeian fifHolty and t choked him. cried, "That l Then he took a long look at the half. e away. It In the excitement I trabbed Peaches C and we few for home. The next time I go to one of those expensive shacks it will be just after T I've had a hearty dinner. and go to a moving picture show. DID HIS DUTY AS GUARDIAN I Adviser to Youthful King of Sweden I Proved Himself the Right Man for the Poeltion. King Charles XII of Sweden, who came to tthe throne at the early age of fifteen, went out riding one time a in company with his cousit, the duke of Holstein, and a few other gentle. b men of the court. On the way they 51 came upon a pile of timber standing g Sby the roadside. The duke of Hol stein susgested to the king that the company try their skill riding over Sthe pile on their horses. Charles as sented, and insisted upon being the first to go over. But just as he was about to dig his spurs into his horse, tells Das Buch fuer Alle, Count Wacht moister seized the bridle and said to the king: "Don't try to ride over that!" The duke of Holstein became angry. "How dare you cross the wishes of Sthe king?" he exclaimed. Ca~mly Wachtmeister answered: S"Say hat you will, my king shall not lo It" Holsteina then reined up to him and replied wathfully: "You do not B seem to know to whom you are speak I ing." "Oh, yes." said the other, laughing Sscornfully, "I am speaking with the f duke of Holstein. But will you kindly I recall that you are addrssing Coaunt h I Wachtmeaister, the royal adviser? And Sas I said before, my king shall not Sbreak his neck by such a wild and , Sdangerous Jump. Perhaps you were A t thinklig of becomng king of Sweden in that eveat But you woa't s~ long as Hans Washmeister lives." s Just them the young king, who was I standaig by listening to the discus. r son, rode up to his adviser, and tap m ping him em the shoulder approvingly, said to the oompany: "No, geatle. I mate, I gases we won't Jump that pile. s It is a bit dsares." And with that they eun s un their wag In i1 SCALOMIEL WHEN BLIOUST NO! SIUO P! ACTS LIKE DYNAMITE ON LIER, I Guarantee "Dodsons' Liver Tone" Will Give You the Best Liver h and Bowel Cleansing You Ever Had-Doesn't Make You Sick! th S .. , th Stop using calomel!. It makes yo s] sick. Don't lose a day's work. If you yg feel lazy, sluggish, bilious or consti- ai pated, listen to me! ti Calomel is mercury or quicksilver s4 which causes necrosis of the bone. si Calomel, when it comes into contact m with sour bile crashes into it. bteaking it it up. This is when you feel that aw ful nausea and cramping. If you feel D "all knocked out," if your liver is tor- si pid and bowels constipated or you b have headache, dizziness, coated l tongue, if breath is bad or stomach s; sour Just try a spoonful of harmless I Dodson's Liver Tone. L Here's my guarantee-Go to any ii drug store or dealer and get a 50-cent ye bottle of Dodson's Liver Tone. Take a g INDIVIDUALITY AS A FACTOR Impossible to Separate What Is, and Must Be, the Part of Man's Own Being. Any attempt to define the ultimate spirit of the individual seems doomed to failure. There is a saying of Bishop But ler's which might well be recommend ed to the philosopher: "Everything is what it is, and not another thing." So individuality is simply individ uality; and the attempt to discover some further meaning for the word can only lead to error. We might be tempted, for instance, to suggest that a man's true ego is nothing more than his character. But individuality goes deeper even than character. Character changes; the individual remains the same. Thus a man who in his youth is hon est may meet with temptations that make him a thief; so, too, the senti mentalist may become a cynic. The changing character is no more than a manifestation of the individu ality beneath. HAD PELLAGRA; IS NOW WELL Ringgold, La.-Mrs. 8. A. Cotter, of this place, writes: "Will my that I am perfectly well and the happiest soul on earth. Wish every pellagra sufferer could know of your great remedy. I know how to appreciate health and sympathize with those that are not so bleat as I. Am grow ing stronger, gaining in weight and ean do anything I ever eould Oh, I know I am well of that horrible disease, and my heart is full of rejoicing. I feel that I have come out of a dense cloud into the blessed sunshine. God be praised! He has spared my life for some good, and I feel that I have just begun to live." There is no longer any doubt that pel lagra can be cured. Don't delay until it - is too late. It is yos duty to consult the resourceful Banghn. The symptom-hands red like sunbur; r skin peeling of, sore mouth, the lips, ii throat and tongue a laming red, with p much mucus and choking; indigestion and nauesea, either diarrhoea or constipat There is hope; get Bangh's big ee remedy for Pellagra that has at last been found. Address American Compounding Co., box 2097, Jasper, Ala., remembering book on Pellagra and learn about the money is refunded in any as where the emedy fails to eure.-Adv. a Landlord Likes Chess- Players. I "Are you a chess player?" a land- I lord asked a prospective tenant. "I F much prefer to have my house occu pied by chess players." "No, I am not a chess player and I can't account for such a singular pref erence." replied the would-be tenant. II "It is simple enough," said the land- * lord. "Chess players move so seldom 4 and rarely without great deliberation." -New York Globe. To Drre Out Malaris And Bild Up The SItem Tare the Old Standard GROVE S TASTELESS chill TONIC You know what you are taking, as the foarmula is printed on every label, showing th Is Quinine dind Iron in a tasteles form The Quinine drives out malaria, the Iron builds up the system. SO ceot Adv. Restricted Sport. "I feel the caM of the wild this morning," said tHE head bookkeeper. "What do you think of doingy' asked his first assistant "Of course, I can't get away now, but if my present mood lasts long, I shall certainly drop into a shooting gallery during the lunch hour." KEEP ALWAYS ON HAND BOND'S UVER PILLS. One small pill at bed time will euro Headache, Blioumsness, Constilpatlo, Torpid LUver, etc. Do you doeubt it? Try them ones. They never set un pleasantly. Bmal, Mild, BSate, Ilex pensive All Druggists 25c.--Adv. Luck. "Have any luck on your Oshing trip?" "Yep. Not a single native insisted I that I should have been there a week before." Newspaper stereotypers use Ham. ford's Balsam of Myrrh for reliet from splashing metal burns. Adv. What Pa Knew. "What is vulgarity, pa?" "Wearing diamonds on the right - hand." white lotha Use Bed Ball le All eeses. Adv. Some people remain poor because they buy too many things they Gon't Ia SL I premat ., .-4 ipoonful and it it doesn't straighten rou right up and make you feel fine and vigorous I want you to go bask to he store and get your money. Dod. ion's Liver Tone i. destroying the ale of calomel becau.e it is real liver nedicine; entirely vegetable, therefore t cannot salivate or make you sick. I guarantee that one spoonful of )odson's Liver Tone will put your ltuggish liver to work and clean your owels of that sour bile and consti -ated waste which is clogging your ystem and making you feel miserable. guarantee that a bottle of Dodson's 4ver Tone will keep your ent' e fam ly feeling fine for months. G: "e it to rour children. It is harmless; doesn't ripe and they like its pleasant taste. )R nd Children Cry For It.mataS 15 M Ulm ied rer c. ALCOHOL- 3 PER CEHL yen . *iat EitSbbtelamdBoar d mos DiosisDChrdn What Is CASTORIA on- = aandlrstAConWbinsiobr aCsterls is a hmless laet foe C 01, Pas Opiua urpitg nor NaLm, gorle, Drops mPd Booth yLrp. It - pleast. nd- or NARtCOºIc. eontalns meither Opiuay b soe, 6ew raesle e Am*,wt substance. Its age its garantee. It destroys Wrems mnad allays Feverlumaes. Fere more than thirty year du has bees In constant use for the Sw el .f eCt Platulency, Wnd Colic, all Teething Troubl esA Diarrhears. It regulates the Stomach and Dowel Sasdsimtes the Pood, l hea tthy san sattel lelp. The Childen's Patao a!e's .P.d. u a. Apuw4Iir-rfmdp CASTORIA os..w GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS of i orSa BeSarS the ignatre of SThe Kind' You Have Always Bought I slt Ceps aWrer 0 T~Ms oesNrawu seMpOOv. Nsw veone ewrs ,mL Bill-I see among several wrinkle m; removing devices recently patented -' ip, is one consisting of a head harness to ith pull back the ears and slightly draw me ad up the skin of the face. Jill-But even then I can't see how 8t4 that proceeding is going to influence Cee the wrinkles in a man's trousers. niz ing the Gorgeous Globe of Blossoms. LS To obtain a gorgeous globe of blos soms, get two hoops. Place one within sm the other so as to form a spherical fig d.ure and nail firmly to an old tree .I stump or other 'preferred foundation. iro Plant running flowers around the base and train the blossoms upon the hoops. II .Fo- For the big and little bmrns in cook. t. Itg and baking, keep HIIanford's Bal ad- sam of Myrrh sear for quick relief Er Dm Adv. ab n." A Germ Crank. a The Author (describing his play) And then the villain is made to bite the dust. The Lady-How very insanitary! be i- For wire cuts use Hantord's Balsam. is Adv. UI be an ron Tests in Germany have shown that dv. pens made of tantalum outwear those made of steel or gold. ha , Hot Weather Meats Vedalr b er c k et d& Clmed BV st..ct sad appaliin Clhe. ls, Ha. Las .d Vedld, ) L~oFf B w Ham and Walesr ried ~for _adwkch easd Libby, l Nil & Lib, C aWcago Congenial. "They seem to be well mated." "They are. They both studied bridge whist from the me aatherlty." its Origin. "Pa. what started ,the msay that a man's wife s his bUtter baJ?" "ome mma's wife. I reekem." No Place for That 'ey. "Joseph," said the grocer to his new boy, "what have you been doing Ia the beck room so long?" "Plckin' the dead lies out of the fceurrants, sir," Joseph answered brisk The grocer's lip curled. "So that's what you were doing, is it, Joseph?" u he said. "And your father told me that he knew you were cut out for the grocery trade. Well, Joseph, you'd better study for the miaistry."-Loan An don Opinion. to d Up-to-Date Idea. hs Miss Tango-Been away? er Miss Bunny-Yes, over to Philadel )r phia to see my aunt. "Oh, indeed!" of "Yes, she told me all about the old )ur time dances-the money musk and nur the Virginia reel. She's living in the ti. past." )ur "Gee! You don't call that living!" le. n's Always proud to show white clothes Red Cross Ball Blue does mase them Shite. All grocers. Adv. to la't An income tax means an outgo Tommy Set Right. Corporal (to soldier reporting sick) -What's the matter with you? Tommy Atkins-Pain in my habdo. I men. Corporal - Habdomen be 'anged' Stomick, you mean. It's honly hoi cers as 'as habdomens.-Boston Eve ning Transcript. In erRff India. In some unknown manner a little sample of Hanford's Balsam of Myrrh found its way into an interior village of India. It was its own agent, and from that small beginning a steady trade has developed and each sueceed. Iag shipment has been larger. Adv. Discretion. "Do you believe in ghosts?" "I decline to answer," repllee Mr. Erastus Pinkley. "I ain't gineter talk about nobody behin' 'is back; not even a ghos'." For lame back use Hanford's Bt sam, applied thoroughly and well rub. bed in. Adv. Marriage is the worst kind of a fall. ure when a man marries for money and doesn't get it. It is more blessed to extend the 1and than to point the finger of scorn. Saw Gigs. W Caate-I'm so glad to hem -4, a husband Is showing so much tmaprov meat, Mrs. Stintlas. * Hopeful Wife-Oh, yes, sir, thank y- you. ers so much better! Why 'o don't say Is prayers no more of a ~ might now!-Palng Show. HAIR OR NO HAIR? d It Ie Certainly Up to You and Cud. ours. Trial Free. Hot shampoos with Cutticra Soap, followed by light dressings of Cat. curs Olatalent rubbed into the scalp skin tend to elear the scalp of dea drai, soothe Itching and irritation sad promote healthy hair-growing condi tlons. Nothing better, cleaner, purer. d Sample each free by mail with Book. '" Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. XT, Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv. Rmmblance. "Why do you call him the human pinwheel'? "Because he gets up so much spec. ,o tacular speed and always finslhe ·ust where he started." A Fine einWt. S"I your brother stuck o- his Job? "Hadly. He Rakes berbed-wlrs r fences." fyTi. Wtc of Off~bU I w ..aofaaaeaeeee.inaa..ý fo fr owfm "sof su 40 *m otmm4 'Tufts nh TRY T33 OlD RELdIAIm 3ForAN UAR AL £13 IrwMU A Soubes ARhqai Pur b be duslwd i wiw uu nmdi For Iieie. Is the loemi U~asnak dt uc.. o[ Paz s -w w y . Nro wumtam who has eve awlf Tdsuhmil Ut p mmiel Plaz.il InIfs"Tr inlay. sm whea t milve my Is is~a lb.be NxmT.LZ'abe ss io dWla s is wok b 1ý Pastas -To·--' Cs.,. - SORE EYES Dr. S.kw'a B" Lr os u-rl se eels wesi"'Wdieui1w b ot ieps ike weak eyed. ebe W. N. U., LITTLE ROCK. NO. U-1HIi FOI HALF A SEIUT goDm FEVER PflJLb S A" f ~I __ rnt. -' 0o o a smom C''k wa.rn