Newspaper Page Text
The Girl in the
31, by McClure Newspaper SlynUictl.) 1
Broadway, c.h1ere it traverses the
upper West side,*is divided into two 1
parts. Blet ween a brace of aullmple
thoroughftres lies a long, slet'dler park
way, a string of narrow parallelo
gratus of fenced grei.nslard, scored
across at regular inter\uis by the
Down the westerly side of this
double street tHits, each morning an
amuziug hurde of ollter velhicles-pri
vately owned cars of all degrees save
thalt of shabbilnes, and squadron upon
squadron of tuxiclabs; while up the
easterly side hurries a somewhat
aimaller stream, largely consisting of
taxis whose drivers are hustling for
their share of the "going dowvn" busi
For here are Iassing on their way
to the day's afflairs, tens of thou
sands of those who scorn to battle
their way dlo\sntoan by subway or L,
and whlloe time is worth far too much
in dollars aulnd cents to be spent on
dawdling surface cars.
To the humble citizen who cools
hlis heels beside the parkway railing
at one of the cross streets, awaiting
perhaps one of the very occasional
trolley cars which, lower down, sheer
off to penetrate the squalid Tenth
avenue region, there is a flaunting
arrogance about that rushing river of
automobiles that arouses envy, ticari
ous pride, cynicism or the blues, ac
cording to his temperament
Patrolmen Dan Travers, trim, slim
and clean-eyed, loved, better than any
other duty that tell to his lot, the oc
casional detail from eight to nine
o'clock, at the Eighty-second street
crossing. For it filled with joy the
breast of the amilble Dan to raise his
gloved hand against the progress of
a dozen grandiose limousines or
breathless taxis and bring them to an
impatient halt while some skinny
legged little girl of nine led her six
year-old brother over the crossing to
the west sidewalk, on their way to
As there are many hundreds of
these children who must daIly cross
the Broadway vehlcular torrent to
reach the big public school over to
ward "The Drive," Dan had plenty
of opportunity to interpose that in
exorable limb of the law, his own good
right arm, between the wheeled Moloch
and its potential sacriflcants. And,
as he privately confessed to his mothj
or, it "tlekled him blue."
Yet no traffic officer In Ney York,
regular or detailed, better knew the
drivers' rights nor more minutely re
spected them than this serenely dignl
fied young copper.
Eighteen months on the force was
Dan, and his record was perfect. To
his work he brought all the sense of
responsiblilty, the understanding of
discipline, the dauntless will to serv
ice, that had developed "over there"
in the A E. F. And he loved it and
was proud of his uniform.
Came a time when a 'sdift In the
system brought Dan to the Eighty
second street traffie post every morn
ing insteid of now and then. It was
at the beginning of this period that
he first noticed the girl in the thin
pat. The morning was keenly cold
and the coast was very thin, indeed;
the girl shivered a bit as she waited
lpr a surface car. It struck Dan as
odd that in that neighborhood one so
good-looking should be unfitly clad,
ir IlulrlI s coats and furs are as
sme uom a the very taxis themselves
Dan saw lt girl every morain fort
a week, and noticed that she always
WsL a car of the ame linea. Once
hem abe glanced at him he caught
ussif on the very poinat of nodding
to her, out of the friendlines he had
*.t ttard he trea the Brst, and he
*remd qiets red and stopped the next
ad . cars with an even more se
teres gaste than sual when he eal
But when he saw the girl next day
sheamt-mlndaedly preparing to hboard a
esway-F-r-. on zd-t ear, he
ventured to suggest: "That one dessn't
go dews Temt, lady." And when the
411 bestowed on him a fairly b
w ag mal ad said: "Oh, thank
i" OL f vocal velvet, Dan's
i ave a n mp such as no GO
an sll had gotten out of It nla thu
A- ter that the girPs thin coat be
pm. a positive perseeal worry to
%; fi We wnen't sure, but he had u
.aodsl that a policeman's wni
-d e. be tter than that, eve
he did kep his ,U ar cleal
an l the part. And when the
, each day tr thiree g-ted hte
a ealard "Gosad morna eoatr,"
siest. but net quite, lost hit
between the kiddies and the an
wa - - the fourth aorning thai
i tW , SHOCKS IN AMERICA
th Tewo Meet Diasteous Were Thesi
ef Ohsrlketen, S C, and of
Sacs the earthuakne which oc
gated in QOust5·r .5. C., In 188
g San 5gagage aithQushe of Apri
ugahps In this cornagtry.
Sarst uabe was recorded at
45 Sk. U, ad am nUeli Br barb
o th e wate ssabe thu
s th5 flked, Th tots
_ 1,r, as . aat P tims.
he - . wa-s.- '+.,.
He had held the traffie at the moment
when the girl's car stopped Just ahove
the crossing. The girl was making tot
the rear platform; a bevy of childrer
were being herded across the street
by Dan. From behind t:ie ruck of
halted cars came charging an arro
gant blue automobile. whlse fat. red'
faced driver was recklessly and de
flaiitly seeking to gain time through
the narrow space next to the eat
track. Boring and crowding trucu
hently, it came on-and front the lmn
pact of its mudguard the girl was
flung against the standing car.
Casting half an eye, so to speak, to
ward the girl-whom lie would see no
more till tomorrow-Dan was just in
time to glimpse the thing in its hap
pening. In the twinkling of an eye
all his pollcetmanhood fell from him.
lie was no longer an exlponent of dis
cipline. a figure of the law. H. was
mere nuan-and wild with anger. In
six Jumps he was beside the blue
roadster. In three seconds more he
had hauled the driver out upon the
pavement and smashed him twice In
the face with his fist.
The man in the blue car was Big
Bill Burtis, district i.:oder of "the
party." 'Ihree-quairters of an hour
later Patrolman Travers was out of
his uniformt. under suspension, illand
quite sure of being diismissed from
the force. And the girl, unhurt after
all, had boarded the car and gone
about her business.
"Officer," said the commissioner to
Dan, "I have sent for you to substi
tute a reprimand for dismissal. You
conducted yourself In that affair with
Assemblyman Burtis in an extraor
dinary and violent manner; do you
"Yes, sir," replied Dan, as he stood
"And you are hereby reprimanded
--do you realize that?"
"Very well; that's done with. And
now, by Jove, I want to thank you
from the bottom of my heart for what
you did in behalf of my daughter!"
"Your daugh-l" The dismay in
Dan's face was as comic to the com
missioner as the cause of it was tragic
to the young policeman. It meant
that his dream had gone to smash.
He even quite forgot to thank the
commissioner for his coat of white
"Exactly. It was Miss Higginson
that Burtis ran into. Edna goes down
to her settlement house as regularly
as a stenographer to her job-and al
ways on a street car. She's a terrible
little nut-her mother can't get her
to dress right even. Edna says she has
no business to wear better clothes
than the girls she's working among
full of all sorts of notions about equal
ity and that kind of thing. But she's
the best little sport in the world
and, privately, I am damned glad you
smashed Burtis. Shake hands-and
a report back in the morning."
"Yes, sir," said Dan, mechanically.
But he was listening to the fall of
the ruins of his castle. He buy coats
for the daughter of Commissioner
Higginson, indeed I Why, the girl was
f rich-a swell!
f "By the way, Travers"-the com
missioner seemed to have almost for
gotten it-"Mlss Higginson told me to
ask you to call on her this evening.
She wants to thank you-and I think
e maybe she'll tell you, like she did me,
what a perfectly splendid soak in the
* eye that second one was-the one that
s gave Burtis the shiner."
t "Yes, sir," was all Dan Travers
a could articulate. But all the way up
d town his head was ringing with one
t wonderful, hopeful word, "Equality."
Not to Be Outdone.
o During the after-dinner speaking.
Sthe toastmaster saw Jones, a some
5 what shady character, slip two spoons
Sln hls rest pocket When the lut a'
t ator had anished he rse. "Gentle
Smen," he said, "there Is nothing to
e add after all this brlliant speaking_
It so I will try to entertain you with a
alittle parlor maglc. Yea see, I take
d two spomons. I dlip them in my rest
-' pocket. Presto--end they are in the
ct pocket of Mr. Jeoes. Mr. Joaes, willU
I youe please corroborate my state'
,- meatt' Jones, not to be outdone
rose. "I'm rather handy at that sort
i of thing myself," he said. "Preost
a and they are back in the pocket of the
Stoastmaster. Mr. Toastmaster, it you
t don't corroborate my statement, I'll
ehave you searched on the spot."
Anserican Legioe Weekly.
Tim w Lucky Caoluman.
"A rrefence in the news to a one
Seyed racehorse whichb won the Grand
National Ia 1911-thbe only horse i
* the race to escape mishap-remtind
1o a ortpo et of the Londen Post
a that In the old coach days blind
e bormsem were numerous tn stage
em aches and, being endowed with good
in comage were mconsidered safe and uswe
e teL Sometimn a whole team of fon,
awould be blind, uas "Nimrod" records
" "Well over that, sir," said one of th4
Sold school of coaehmea to the nervou
-passenger beside him on the box o0
pnsing over a dangerous bridge
at "And only one eye amons s." T-
-a. em eye was the coachman's own.
A makes it possiable to detect the lat
earthquakes on the other side of te
Sglobe from a particular station withli
a few minutes of their beginning, ant
fromn the records obtained a dloe ap
proximation can be made usually a
the distance and direction.
The cause of the San Franelsce
earthquake is traceable to the slip
l ping of the rocks along a rift tha
rms northwest and southeast paral
lel to the coatt. The amount of dih
t location varied from 5 or 6 feet to 2
ke ft, with a probable mean of 10 feet
d Prfessional Temptation.
t Patisnt-Great scott, doctor!l That'i
na awful bill for one week's treat
al Doct-My dear fellow, if to
- knew what an Interesting case your
Swas and how smtroaolgly I was tempte
Sto let it go to a post-mortem, yet
l- wemlde't gramble at a hIll three time
km Imgras ZadaWk AA
WASH INGTON L
Game Sanctuaries for Eastern States
I - GAME
W ASHINGTON.-Senator Shields
of Tennessee has Introduced a
'dll in congress to establish a sanlc
tuary or sanctuaries for game ant
iauls and for birds and fish in ti.e
tlational forest reserve. In introduc
:ng It he said, among other things:
Mr. ShieJds-There are a great
anlly sanctuaries for gamlle, or gamlle
preserves, established in the national
parks of the United States in the
Itjlcky Mountains and the Middle
Wecst which are accessible to the peo
pie of the states lying west of the
Mississippi river and lying adjacent
to the great Appalachian range. The
act of colngress passed in 1911, com.
Mandate: New International Relation
W HAT is a mandate? The man
date is asserted by international
lawyers to be a new principle in in
ternational relations. In theory a
mandate is an order from a league of
the civilized nations of the world to
one of those nations, making it re
sponsible for the welfare of a certain
nation or piece of territory consid
ered to be less civilized.
In practice a mandate is permis
,ton, given by the powers which won
the late war to one of those powers.,
to supervise the affairs of some back
ward country. The mandatory na
tion enjoys certain advantages in that
territory, but it also has certain re
sponsibilitles to the League of Na
tions, which, if enforced, would raise
the development of backward coun
tries to a higher level both from the
economic and the humanitarian point
of view. Of co-irse, in this matter
everything really depends upon whal
the council of the league wapts to de
and is able to do.
The mandate also seeks to keel
one nation from exploiting exclusive
Eight Western States for Reclamation
G OVERNORS of western states
after a preliminary discussion in
Denver of irrigation and reclamation
legislation have presented to Presi
dent Harding and members of con
gress the result of their conference.
In the party were Gov. Thomas E.
Campbell of Arizona, president of the
League of the Southwest; Gov. i.. W.
Davis of Idaho, president of the
Western States Reclamation associa
tion; Gov. Emmet D. Boyle of Nevada;
Gov. Charles R. Mabey of Utah; Gov.
Louis Hart of Washington and Gov.
Joseph B. Dixon of Montana. Gover
nors Shoup of Colorado and Mecham
of New Mexico participated in the
"We present a 'solid front' to the
powers in Washington for the first
time in 18 years." said Gov. Davis.
"Commerce the Lifeblood of a Nation"
THE old aulom that "Commerce is
Sthe lifeblood of n nation" could
be amended to read "and of its
courts," according to attorneys of
years' experience before the United
States Supreme court.
Inquiry of a number of experts on
constitutional law as to the section
which has been productive of most
litigation brought the unanimous re
sponse: UArticlb 1, section 8, para
graph 3." This section, one of the
shortest" in the Constitution, declares
that congress shall have the power
to "regulate commerce with foreign
nations and among the several states."
From that brief clause, however,
have arisen all the rate cases, those
involving public utilities, the inter
state commerce commission, child la
bor, federal employees' liability act,
the lottery laws, the white slave act
and, more recently, the numerous pro
hlbition statutes preceding the amend
Chief Justice Marshall asserted in
a judicial opinion that "commerce"
IIA Creed for Good American Citizens
BELIEVE in the United States
of America as a government o0
the people, by the people; whose jusi
powers are derived from the conseni
of the governed; a democracy in a
republic; a perfect Union, one ant
inseparable; established upon those
principles of freedom, equality, justles
and humanity for which American pa
triots sacrtleed their lives and for
tines. I therefore believe it is m;
duty to my coastry to love It; to sup
port its Cogtitotaon; to obey its laws
to speect its Iag and to defend i
senmis aln emese.-WWasm --s
monly known as the W'eks law, es
tablished forest reservations especial
ly for the purpose of protecting the
watersheds of the great navigable
rivers which have their source in
the Appalachian mountains by pro
tecting the forests and restoring the
deforested ereas. The conlunission has
purchlsed something short of 2,tX).,
ONN) acres In those nloulltains, and the
title is now vestedl I the United
States and under the control of the
Agricultural departmlent. Of these
2,t510,A4N) acres some 44N,KN.N) nres are
localed in New liamlshlire, :37,iMNN in
Virginia, ,20,tN)0 In North Ctar ina.
30N).WrN) In Tennessee, 1;:,~ .*4 ijn
(Georgia, 1O0.(XK) In WVe(t Virginih,
:130,0(. in l'ennsylvania, G2.1 NI ini .%li
baloa, 343,iNN) in Arkansas, ,Nitl ih:
Massachusetts and 14,01N) in Southti
('arolina. Eventually sotine 7~.()N),)iNN
acres will he purchased.
These lands, whle primarily pit'
chased for the purpose of prote tini
the watersheds of navigable :ivetr.s,
are also intended as reerention
grounds for all the states lying -st
of the Mississippi river.
ly a backward territory, and to give
the other members of the league cer
tain rights in it. But it does not do
as much for the nations which are
not members of the league.
The council of the League of Na
tlons acknowledges three chief kinds
of mandates. The A class mandates
cover former Turkish possessions. in
cluding Mesopotamla. The B class
mandates cover islands of the Ptai'i
tic, south of the Equator, and the C
class mandates cover islands in tihe
Pacific, north of the Equator. The
Palestine mandate ts in a sense a
"We wll, of course, use every
means to secure the fulfillment of
the platform pledge of reclamatlion.
Both of the big parties were pledlge
to the program. Our efforts prohahly
will be centered on the Smith-Mc
The Smith-McNary bill is known as
the "co-operative rselamation act" nd
provides for the establishment of a
$250,000,000 revolving fund for the
construction of new Irrigation projects
and the completion of those already
under way. One of its provisions re
quires the employment of former serv-
ice men on reclamation projects
erected from the fund. It also gives
preference to service men on any
lands made available.
In addition the governors ask the
early passage of a bill authorizing
the appointment of a federal "am.
bassador" to participate in the com
pact proposed between the Colorado
river basin states. This' movement
has the backing of the League of the
Southwest. It is hoped to settle the
long-standing disputes between the
states over the use of the waters of
the Colorado river for Irrigation pur.
poses. Settlement will save thousands
of dollars to taxpayers in court lltig
must be interpreted to mean "Inter
course," and lawyers say his wide In
terpretation was the progenitor of the
whole family of legal battles turning
upon the commerce section.
Be that as It may, under recent de.
cdslons of the Supreme court, "com
merce" has been interpreted to cover
not only the movement of goods, but
of men and women-as in the white
Within the last few weeks, no less
than a dozen cases involving in some
way the commerce section have been
This creed is being distributed by
the Constitutional League of America,
an organization of citizens throughout
This league proposes to remove any
excuse for ignorance of the Constitu
tion or of its workings and what it
has accomplished and may bring forth
so long as it remains the keystone to
American government. The foreword
to the constitution states:
"America is the happiest and most
prosperous country in the world to
day, largely because it has been able
to use the ballot longest and the bul
let least. Although a young nation
among the great powers of the earth,
the Utited States of America has the
oldest form of government; or, more
accurately, the one which has lasted
aongest without destructive change. It
must be a matter of the highest Inter
est to every American citizen, native
born or adopted, to know how such
a government was created, how it op.
erates, and how it may be made the
mesas of further progres sn prome
lag. haman haplnles."
,S `" s: S
EAT PLENTY OF
Vegetable Is Exceptionally Rich
in Iron and One of Most Im
RARELY COOKED PERFECTLY
Except for Special Reasons Simplest
Methods Are Best in Cooking-It
Takes Much Patience and
Water to Wash Clean.
(Prepared by the United States Depart- A
ment of Agriculture.) ti
One of the tirst vegetables in the
garden or on the market in the early t
spring is that reliable :stand-by
sp.inach. The sh oots should he cut reg
larlty; if not, the old shoots bercone
tough and rank flavored.
Spinach furnishes little body energy,
but it is exceptionally rich ini iron and
is one of the important vitaiinies, and
so is a valuable food, say specialists in
the United States Dlepartxmenlt of Agri
culture. It contains little starch and
only a suggestion of sugar, and is
therefore one of the vegetables that
plhysicians include in the bill of fare
of many invalids who require a diet
without these carbohydrates.
Cheap in First Cost.
Like miost other vegetables, it Is
rarely cooked to perfection, yet It is
not difficult to prepare. Except for
special reasons, the simplest methods
are the best for this vegetable. No
matter how cheap the raw spinach may
be, it is always expensive in one
thing-lahor. It takes a good deal of
time, water, and patience to wash it
To clean the spinach cut off the
roots, break the leaves apart and drop
them into) a large pan of water, rinse
them well, and lift them into a second
pan of water. 1)o not pour the water
off over the spinach or the grit that
has been washed off will get back on
the leaves. Continue washing in clean
waters until there is not a trace of
sand on the bottom of the pan. If the
spinach is at all wilted, let it stand
in cold water until it becomes fresh
and crisp. Drain from this water
and blanch as follows:
F For half a peck of spinach put In a
e large saucepan 3 quarts of boiling
water and 1 tablespoon of salt. Put
the drained spinach in the boiling
water and let it boil 10 minutes, count
ing from the time it begins to boil.
When it begins to boil, draw the cover
9 of the saucepan a little to one side
i to allow the steam to escape. At the
I. i end of 10 minutes pour the spinach
SI into a colander, and when the hot
y water has passed off pour cold water
- over it. Let it drain well and mince
coarse or fine, as is suitable for the
5 manner in which it is to be served.
di One peck of spinach will make about
ai 1% pints when blanched and minced.
e Spinach With Egg.
y % peck spinach.
3 tablespoons butter or other fat
%A teaspoon pepper.
s 2 eggs.
s 3 teaspoons salt.
iy Wash and blanch the spinach, using
two teaspoons of the salt in the water
Ie n which the vegetable is boiled.
iK Drain the blanched spinach and chop
u" rather fine. return it to the saucepan,
plinach is an iopeeilly Valmua.
in. and add the salt, pepper, and butter or
be other fat. Place on the fire and cook
Sten minutes. Heap in a mound on a
hot dish and garnish with the hard
leI bolled eggs, cut In slices.
m- Spinach Cooked Without Water.
er Presh spinach when washed holds
ut enough water for cooking. Put the
to spinach into a covered saucepan and
cook for ten minutes. Press down and
a turn the spinach over several times
no during the cooking. At the end of ten
e minutes turn the spinach into a chop.
ping bowl, and mince rather fine. te
turn to the sancepen and add the sea
sonings, allowing for half a peck of
s spinach two generous tablespoons of
butter or other fat and a teaspoon of
salt. Simmer for ten minutes; or if
very tender, five minutes will be sufi
ny Spinach cooked in this manner will
ta- retain all its salts and the flavor will
It le stronger than when blanched
-th (holled in water). In young, tender
to spinach this is not objectionable, but
rd when the overgrown vegetable is
cooked in its own mnisture the flavor
st is strong and somewhat acrid.
to. Spinach With Cream.
ble A peck spinach.
ul- 2 tahlespoons bhtter or other fat.
Ion 1 tablespoon flour.
S1 teaspoon salt
the ' teaspoon pepper.
SA pint cream or milk.
Blanch and mince the spinach. Put
er- the butter or other fat in a saucepan
v- and on the fire. When hot add the
flour and stir until smooth and
frothy, then add the minced spinach
and the salt and pepper. Cook for nve
s minutee, then add the milk or cresa
bet, end cook thbree mnutes leger
FOR ANY EMERGENCY
It Is Excellent Served Either
Plain or as Salad.
Of Great Importance That Vegetable
Be Fresh and Tender-Watch Care
fully for Any Leaks and Store
in a Dry Place.
(Prepared by the United States Depart
ment of Agriculture.)
A housekeeper who has plenty of
asparLus alllnnet and on her shelves
feels prepared for any elergency. It
is excellent served either plain or as
a 'ailaI .
The United State I lDepartlment of
Agriculture gives' the following diree
tiolns fr (:llnning this vegetalhe :
It is of the grealtest inllnrrtain e that
allp:laragul for c'Ulnning he fres'h and
tender. Cut :nto right lengths for the
c l wbo
m u n ere
Bunch of Asparagus.
jars, scrape off the tough outer skin
and scales, and tie in bundles. Blanch
by immersing first the lower ends in
boiling water for two minutes, then
the entire stem for two minutes longer.
Plunge into cold water, drain and pack
carefully with the tips up. Fill pint
jars with brine (4% ounces of salt to
one gallon of water) and process (0
minutes in steam-pressure cooker un
der five pounds pressure. If a hot
water bath is used for processing, boil
the jars intermittently one hour on
each of three consecutive days. (In
cold climates, with young and tender
asparagus, boIling continuously for two
hours will probably be sufficient.)
Seal the jars and remove from can
ner, invert while cooling, and watch
carefully for leaks. When cool store
in a dark, dry, cool place.
COVER CEREALS AND FLOURS
If Kept in Closed Containers They Be.
come Musty and If Left Open
Bugs Do injury.7
Cereal supplies and flour should now
he purchased In very small quantities.
If they are kept in closed containers
they grow musty, and if left open, are
attacked by wandering bugs. Cover
such supplies with a cloth, and a ven
i tilated cover, and store in a cool place.
ARRANGE KITCHEN FURNITURE
With Pedometer Woman Discovers
ture can be arranged in most kitchens. C
One woman bought a pedometer and
discovered that she saved half a mile
every day after she moved her kitchen
table to a more convenient place.
STICKY DRAWERS AND DOORS
Esey le Open and 'Clese by Rubbing I'
Seap or Soep Powder on the
Cupboard doors and drawers which iI
stick may be Induced to open and close 5
by rubbing soap or soap powder on the
surfaces that come in contact. Soap
will also silence squeaking hinges.
Add half a cup of chopped nuts to
e All clothes should be turned iansde
d out in washing.
s A pinch of baking powder will hold
n the omelet from falling.
S A little grape juice added to a tm
i- onade gives it a different turn.
if Starched clothes should be dried and
f dampened for ironinr at once.
- A month-iffested closet should be
washed out with turpentine and water.
11 Sliced ham of any age or quality is
d improved by soaking In milk for an
is Valuable coats or other articles of
r apparel should be steam-cleaned before
being laid away. Steamn-cleaning Ip05
tively kills moths and eggs.
A little canned, shreddo41 pineapple
added to apple butter or peach murma
lade in the making makes either much
Add bluing to first pall of water
nt as you pour It in laundry tub, then
m by adding the balance of water it be
ie comes thoroughly mixed.
rh If clothes are hung straight and
ye folded and stretched carefully when
in, taking them from the line much time
w. can be saved when the time comes to
TREND OF JOHNNY'S MIND.
The teacher had asked the 'lass to
find out what they could about the
equator for the next lesson in ge"g
raiphy. \'hen the c(lass camne to recite,
Johnny was milled upon first.
"Johnny. what is the equator?"
asked the teacher.
Johnny, who had forgotten to look
up the matter, failed to answer.
"Who can tell us what the equator
is?" urged the teacher.
"The equator is an imaginary line
running around the earth," recited
Fred. who had taken a sly peep into
his geography while the teacher was
"Now, Johnny. you may go to the
board and write for us what you have
learned about the equator."
To' the teacher's astonishment this
is what Johnny wrote: "The quator
is a menagerie lion running around
the middle of the world."
Mr. Jones-Heavens! My whiskers
are turning yellow.
Mrs. Jones-Mercy, George; you
mistook my hair bleach for toilet wa
A MEAN MAN
She-Before we were married you
ased to give me such lovely presents.
You never do now.
He-l-I didn't have to put up with
your presence the year around then.
Today when dealers all combine
To rob you of your cash.
B Console yourself and quote the line:
"e 'Who steals my purse steals trash."
The Farm of Today.
. "Dld you learn to milk the cow
while you were in the country.
"No; but I learned how to appreci
ate the old masters and.run a sie
The Ruling Passion.
"1 saw Banks, the contractor, at
"Yes. He heard that the streets et
i the Celestial City were paved with
gold, and he wants to bid on the e.
S "In these days of equal rlghts, moen
arc going to be put to a severe strain
"As between the opposdng candtb
dates, a fellow will have a time decd
d Ing whether he ailll swap his vote fer
Sa cigar or a kire."
do you love me
ty, my dear. Just
refer to my let'
ter I wrote you
d A Pretlral Girl.
iome men have a family tree
And loud of it descant:
m. But I shall wed a man who has
A good-sised business plant.
No 8well Joint
Farmer (in the clty)-I want tey
find an' eatin' house.
Pedestrian-Are you looking for any
r. Farmer--Well, not too durned p'tlek'
aS The Way of It.
"I heard the' tlhier day of a man
who was sittinilg i n lin pen wiindow,.
and whlle iiI ll ii I'ti piece If pie fell
Sout nnd w:as in'.tantlty killed."
"l don't doubllt it. I ha'\' often been
knocked out by plie myIst'lf."
pie Too Rough Treatment
a- "Of coursl', heire we treat our serv
ch ant Ilk' one of the family."
"Excuse nme. nla'allm, tilt I don't care
to come here to work. That's the very
er reanson I quit my other place."
"There is too much tfaultfndlig 11is -.
the world." .
md "Yet faultfnding has Its .e.,
en lumbus would not have made his
O discoveries had .he been art
itS sled with the sarlgatiou
"is time." , -i
-,, . " "