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THE CONSTITUTIONAL LN:ON.
[ \V. H. RHEA, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR T . „ r . - , „ ■ - .. ■ ■— v| , —= • - . Let UiePeopleMB." $2 PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE. U)L _DES ARC, ARKANSAS, FRIDAY, MARCH 297TsST NUMBER 20. <rhc (Nntfmtttomu minion, PRINTED EVERY WEEK, AT lies Arc, Arkansas, edited and published by WESTON II- RHEA. Office on corner of Buena VMa and Lyon Streets, ovci John Jackson A Co, Subscription price, Two Dollars per annum, invariably in advance. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One square, (eight lines of this size type.) for me insertion, $1; each additional insertion, 50 cents. i 1 mo.; ‘2 mo. 3 mo. | ti mo. | 1 year FSiiiarc, $ 2 50 $ 500 $ 800j$1000 $15 00 2 Squares, 5 001 8 00; 10 00, ]2 00 17 00 3 Squares, 8 00> lOOOj 12 00, 15 00 25 00 i Column, 10 00 12<X> 15001 17 00 ' 30 00 i Column, 12 00 15001 17 00 20 00 40 00 | Column, | 15 00' 17 00 20 00| 25 OO! 50 00 I Column, 1 1'8 00| 2000] 25 00 30 00, 00 00 Advertisers by the year will be restricted to their legitimate business. Advertisements displayed by large type, charged double the above rates. Personal communications charged double the rates of regular advertisements. Legal advertisements will be charged, for one square or lc.-s, first insertion $1, and 50 cents per square for each additional insertion. Announcing candidates for State and District offices, 87; County offices, $5; Township offices, $3. invariably in advance. Political circulars charged as advertisements. Advertisements not ordered for a specified time, will be inserted till forbidden, and charged ac cordingly. OFFICIAL 1)1 I! *3«'TORY. OFFIC ESS OF PRAIRIE COV1TT V. COUNTY AND PROBATE JUDGE, •In in ess Ij. Hunt, CLERK, WILLIAM G O 0 D R U M. SHE. RIFF, WI L L I A M A. P L U N K E T T. T R E A 8 U R E R , WYLIE LANKFORD. CORONER, LEVIN HARRISON. SURVEYOR, E. A. HOWELL. COMMON SCHOOL COMMISSIONER, W. P. PRESTON. INTERNAL IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE. Ij A J a -U 1 A 1- A \Y G R i . JISTKES OI 'His: mu -4 r Cwfit jr E. 1,. V : • ,-c * . ;.!> • !• u ■ . i mtj sc i ■ ■ . . ■ bright, m 1) .tin i . '.bib h >. A • —A- T .. a. l . ). Rob..I .. n e rcr—11. 1’. Vaughan, '1'. ii. Kent, 1.. t, I 1. ■abort, I). P Black. I Ter—S. C. Paine. P> Douglass. II a —\\. \ u , Mann, W. J. McCombs. IIamil'( i—T, M. Gray. J. Tucker. iV.r/i U' 'Oifa—T. F. Price, W. 1!. Brandy. f nr L i’.e—Guilin Barber. James T. Morris. La 0'rt:c—T. M. Belcher. Thomas Hui ville. ( O \ ST 1 II L ES. Pram-—Q. T. Webster; C-n'cr—J. D. Steele; f . —R. H. Freeling; Hamilton—lR Jarvis; P floo t -\V A. Harper; While River—C* T. <! biam; Rich Woods—W. A. Barker; Wattensaw— John Gales. Constables of Clear I.ake and La Grew Town ships failed to fill their bonds. 1)ES ARC HOTEL, I>ES ARC , ARKANSAS. THUS NEW BRICK HOTEL. ON THE CORNER -L of Buena Vista and Foster Streets, elegantly furnished, is open for the accommodation of i i-l -atian is the best in town, being near the brat landing: and every effort wilt be made to pf'ise the patrons of the house. The proprietor therefore respectfully solicits a liberal share of public patronage. Board and Lodging per month, - - $20 00 B'":ud without Lodging) per month, - 1*3 00 • n I I... Iging per week, • • • ' 11,1 Board (without Lodging) per week, - - 5 00 Board and Lodging per day, - 2 00 Dinner, ------ 50 .''upper, * ----- 50 Breakfast, ------ 50 Lodging, ------ 50 Children under twelve years of age, half price. Persons without baggage must pay in advance. Board 1 :i! by the year must be paid monthly— b ard bili by the month must be paid weekly. Tl.r* nvi 11 in* will In* »•#»** 1 mil * 11»1i» Tor Jill Ill'll cles lelt in his care, none other. feb22 tf. T. A. DODSON, Proprietor. STOVE AND TIN SHOP! X. II. Burk / Has removed iiis tin shop to the house recently occupied by J. W. Wallace, Bueua Vista street, opposite the Nucleus House, where he is prepared to accommodate the public with the best articles of COOKING STOVES, TIN-WARE, •md all other merchandise in his line, ever wrought to this market. My cook.ng stoves are immediately front aiarg' 1 Louts establishment, and 1 feel confident t .if dioee wild want these convenient articles can suit >lierut Ives from my large assortment, (live me * call, and examine before purchasing else _ novf? AT COST A\H» CARRIAGE. T AM offering my entire stock of Dry Goods at Cost and ten per cent. Every ''"Iv is invited to call and see for themselves. *‘y goods are inferior to none in this market, and Iny object in selling off at cost and carriage is to 'oabie me to replenish with a stock which will be “ought exclusively with cash. iKiy.i-tp _ LEVIN HARRISON r ATTENTION BATTALION! PH ERE will he a Hattalion Muster , on *-bt- Second Saturday in April, next, a. j ^KORV PLAINS. All persons belong- jp8 3 10 8ai'l Battalion are hereby command- III to appear fully equipped. By order „ J. B. PERKINS, Major. Rrss Evak., Adj’t. mar3-2t profession a Tu ca n i*s. T J. JOBE, Attorney at Laiv, DES ARC, ARKANSAS, WILI;. PRACTICE IN PRAIRIE AND THE „iJn a«J0ln,ng counties. Particluar attention given to Collections. TennFERTrES„-T^; & C' Powo11* Knoxville, Lnk YwSi' H- ‘““away, President of Ocoee rooh t Te,nn'; Monre & M*rsh, Chatta Hong w n ; l,1°n JoLn “ Lumpkin. Rome.Ga.; Hon. Wiliiam Daugherty, Columbus, Ga ; I! Diman •’ Mc! onn®1L Ringgold, Ga.: William II. Geoiia ‘'eSldeUt Northwestern Bank, Ringgold. --—!_ nov 3. T. B. KENT, Attorney at Law, J DES ARC, ARKANSAS, WIT;L PRACTICE IN THE COURTS OF I v t . ruiric, ^ bite, Monroe, Arkansas, St. r rancis, Jackson and Independence counties. All business intrusted to his care shall meet with prompt attention. Office on Lyon street. no‘23-tf. J>i*. .J. .J. LVNE, Kesiacnt Physician, DES ARC, ARKANSAS, I rpENDERS HIS SERVICES TO THE CITIZENS | X. of Des Arc and adjacent country. From his experience, he hopes to share at least a por tion of the patronage of the public. Office on l$uena \ ista street, at Bfilsly s Drug Store. iy*v E. T. SWEYER7 I>entist, DES ARC, ARKANSAS. I \yiLL CONTINUE THE BUSINESS IN ALL T V its branches, including continuous Gum Work. Office on Buena Vista street, up stairs, Jackson's new building. nov ltj-tf. RUSS EVANS, REAL ESTATE & GENERAL LAND AGENT. DES ARC, ARKANSAS. [JROMPT ATTENTION WILL BE GIVEN TO all business entrusted to him in his | “ne._ nov 3. J. T. PARHAM, .Ai-cliitoct and I3uilclor, DES ARC, ARKANSAS. 0 OLIO ITS CONTRACTS FOR RUILDINCS OF 1 -v.-ry style. He is s'-;n prepare'! lo furnish i • i - :• at >s and Drawing* <d' all tl.e rood ■ > mv ' cure: build, super.•.! a i : . ' in- for huihP'tg at r i ■ ; ■ i ! i i'i v ■ y | ‘dr. h. armistead, i:hj inait,; ur^eon and Accouclicnr,! DESS A EC, ARKANSAS. HAWING PERMANENTLY LOCATED AT DES ARC. offers his professional services to the citizens of the town and adjacent country, i Office on Lyon street. nov 3. U. t. SIMPSON'. - - - O. S. PALMER. SIMPSOX & PILIILR, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, DES ARC, ARKANSAS, TT7TLT. PRACTICE IN PRAIRIE, WHITE, \ \ Jar k' in, Monroe, St. Francis, and adjoin ing counties. mh 8-tf G. A. HANSON, (Office— South Side Buena Vista Street,) A T 1' « R X i: Y A T B, A XV , !)<>» Are, I’ralrlo County, Ark. IX^ILL PRACTICE IN PRAIRIE. WHITE. \Y Jackson, Monroe, Arkansas and adjacent counties. mh 'll it T. J. WOODSON, Attorney til Law, DES ARC, ARKANSAS, ■VTTILL PRACTICE IN THE FIFTH JUDICI XL \\ ( ircuit. and the counties of White, Jack son and .Monroe. All business intrusted to his care will be promptly attended to. nov 3 ~c7 a7 judsonT Carpenter ancLIoiner, DES ARC, ARKANSAS, 1 Dealer in sash, doors, mantles, Window and Door Frames, etc. Shop comer Erwin and Park Streets. N. B.—Coffins made to order, on short notice. nov 3-y A. W. MCNEILL, Attorney til Law, DES ARC, ARKANSAS, PRACTICES IN THE COURTS OF TRAIIUE X and adjacent counties. Office, corner Erwin and Lyon streets. _- nov •' HOFFHEIMER BROTHERS. IMPORTERS AND DEALERS IN Brandies, Gins, Wines, Cigars, Ac., ALSO, DISTILLERS & MANUFACTURERS OF Domestic Wines and Idquors, 32 & 34 Second St., betw. Main & Sycamore, nov 23-tf._CINCINNATI, 0. GARVIN, BELL <fc CO., IMPORTERS A WHOLESALE DEALERS IV FOREIGN & DOMESTIC DRY-GOODS, AND Manufacturers of C lothing. Nos. 442 and 444 Main Street, north side, nov lC-6m._ LOUISVILLE, KV. SEEDS! SEEDS!! A LARGE LOT OF FRESH HUNGARIAN Grass Seeds, just received and for sale by nov. 3. JOHN JACKSON & CO. TIU8IXi;,88 O A It D 8. F. LEPTIEN, * - F. KLEIN. LEPTEIN & KLEIN, DEALERS IN CLOCKS, WATCHES and JEWELRY, Buena Vista Street, DES ARC, ARKANSAS. Having on hand a new and selected stock of (.locks, Watches ar,<l Jewelry, we respectfully solicit a continuance of the kind pat ronage of the people of Des Arc and surrounding country. ^ We are also prepared to do all kinds of atcli, Clock and Jewelry work w*ith care and despatch. All work warranted. dec 7-tf 0. M LAREN. ------- S. N. JACKSON. MLAREN & JACKSON, Successors to G. & J. McLaren & Co., DES ARC, ARKANSAS. Dealers in staple and fancy dry Goods, Ready-Made Clothing, Hats and Caps, Bonnets, Boots and Shoes, Hardware and C uttlery. Books, Stationery, etc. Also. Receiving, Forwarding and Commission Merchants, nov 3. R. C. M CARLEY, SA.m’l. R. BROWN, THOS. M’CARLEY. MCCARLEY, BROWN, A CO., (Successors to R. C. McCarley J- Co.,) DES ARC, ARKANSAS. Dealers in staple and fancy dry Goods, Ready-Made Clothing. Hats, Caps, Boots and Shoes, Hardware, Cutlery, Saddles, I i unks and \ alises. Also, Forwarding and Corn mission Merchants. feb 15, ’01-tf. F. H. ROBINSON,.0. J. BRANCH. ROBINSON & BRANCH, (Successors to G. W. Vaden,) WHOLESALE ANI) RETAIL DEALERS IN Cw rocci'ios nii<li*i*oclncc, RECEIVING, F'OR WARDING A COMMISSION MERCHANTS, nov 3._DES ARC, ARKANSAS. A. STEWART, WM. STEWART, II. STEWART. STEWART & BROS, I » ecei v in**', Forcvardin" axd roiniissiox MEitni tvis, nov 3.DES ARC. ARK \NS \S. KTE V M I'SOATM. LEA i i .'•! i: .. Y Alt'RDA Y. -v> US]*.» j- ihtfkft, j@l. d in £ral; '.I?NEC BAIRD. .... Master. ('. J. Campbell, - - . Clerk. * I rniJIS FIXE FREIGHT AND PAS- i 1 sengcr m earner. having been thor- J&fFtgjgJi oughly repaired, will run regularly between .Mem phis and the various points ou White river, throughout the season, arriving at Des Arc on Mondays on her up trip, and down on Tuesdays. For freight or passage, apply on board. r*i h 22-tl LEAVES MEMPHIS EVERY THURSDAY. Memphis. White and Little Red River Packet, EE racelet, BEN. DUNCAN, .... Master. COX & BOOKER, ... Clerks. mins FINE FREIGHT AND PAS I sen ger packet having entered the above trade, will make regular weekly trips,”eaving Memphis every Thursday evening. For freight or passage, apply on board. mh22-tf Regular Xew Orleans, W liite and Little Red River Packet, 6Idc-Wliccl Steamer I AT AN; II. S. EATON, ..... Master. millS FINE FREIGHT AND PASSENGER L packet having been furnished with cotton guards, and otherwise repaired, will run between New Orleans and the various points on White river, during the season, as a semi-montldy packet. nov 23-tf LEAVES MEMPHIS -EVERY TUESDAY. Memphis and White River Packet, Cm OI.DEN STATE, HICKS KING,.Master. J. B. Russell, ... Clerk. This splendid passenger steamer will make regular trips from Memphis to Des Arc, Augusta and Juck%onport, on White river. For freight or passage, apply on hoard. LEAVES MEMPHIS EVERY FRIDAY. Memphis, While and Lillie Red River Racket, OTew Moon, JOHN HEARING, - - - Master. II. Twomey, ... Clerk. ra ils NEW AND 5 AST RUNNING I steamer, having entered the above trade, will make regular trips as above.™™’” ’ ■ ™ arriving at Des Arc every Sunday evening from Memphis; passing down, will leave Des Arc every Monday evening. For freight or passage, apply on board._mar 15 SIDNEY Y. WATSON ' - *• S. HAMMOND. WATSON & HAMMOND, .Vttorney at Law, OFFICE: TELEGRAPH BUILDING, NORTH Side Court Square, jay 18-tf. MEMPHIS, TENN. excellent plows. WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED A LARGE quantity of the best Cast Plows, which wr offer cheap. nov3. J. JACKSON &JC0. POETICAL. A California 1’oe.m.—Hiawatha.—To the ad mirers of Hiawatha and the lovers of genuine humor, the following parody from the April num ber of the Knickerbocker, will be acceptable. It is written by John Phoenix, of California, and with a large class of readers will be fully as popu lar as the original poem. Those who cannot ap preciate the fun, it is to be hoped, will be con ciliated by the excellent and striking moral: Tlxo Sony of “ iXotliln.* Shorter.” BY H. W. TALLEBOY. At the mission of Dolores. Near the town of San Francisco, Dwelt an ancient Digger Indian AVho supported his existence, Doing chores and running errands, (When he ‘got more kicks than coppers.’) lie was old, and gaunt and ghostly, And they called him • Step-and-fetch-it,’ Old and grim and ghostly was he, Yet he had a lovely daughter, Sweet and budding though not blushing, For her skin was kinder tawney, So she really couldn’t do it. But she was a • gushing creature,’ And her springing steps so fawn-like ‘ Knocked the hind sights ’ off the daughters Of the usurers consequential, Who in buggies ride, important, Battling past the lonely toll-gate. Yes, a sweet and fairy''creature Was old ‘ Step-and-fetch-it's ’ daughter, And her name was • Tipsydoosen,’ Or the youug grasshopper eater ! Should you ask me whence this story, Whence this legend and tradition 1 should answer, ‘ That's my business ; And were 1 to go and tell you, You would know as much as I do.’ Should you ask who heard this story, This queer story, wild and wayward ? 1 should answer, I should tell you. All the California people, Pipes of l’ipesville, King of William, Jones and Cohen, Kean Buchanan, And Miss Heron, sweet us sugar; And the Chinese, eating birds’ nests, Well they know old ‘•Step-and-fetch-it.’ Near a grocery at the Mission, Step-and-fetch-it and his daughter, In the sun were once reclining, Near them lay a whisky bottle, Mighty little was there in it. For the old man's thirst consuming, Caused that fluid to evaporate. In his hand old ‘ Step and-fetch-it ’ Held a long chunk oi boiled salmon, Ami as fish, bones, all lie bolted, Wagged from side to side Lis visage, And with moans, strange, wild, portentous, Sung the song of ‘ Nothin’ Shorter,’ Accompanied by Tipsydoosen, In four sharps, upon the Jews’-harp. Twang a diddle, twang a diddle, Twang a diddle, twang a diddle, Twang, twang, twang, turn! ‘ Nothin’ Shorter’ was a Digger; So am l, and * nothin' shorter ; i... ..-a And lie lived upon the mountains, Diig iiis roots and pulled his acorns, And the rich grasshoppers roasted. Hippy was he, bold and fearless, lluU no trouble to m /lest him, li t 1 no liras upon Lis blanket, l'or in fact he hadn’t got one. ‘But one morning gazing earthward,’ lie beheld a pond of water V. Inch he forthwith fell in love with, And the pond reciprocated, And they loved each other fondly, Happy long they were together, Twang a diddle, twang a dlJUlc, Twang! twang! twang! Yes, the pond loved ‘Noticin’ Shorter,’ Every day he bathed his forehead, Gave him dring when he was thirsty, Would have washed him well all over, Only that would take the dirt off, And the grease, and yellow ochre ; In which his \ .-ad soul delighted. But they live i . 1 loved together; Yes, they Bv ; and loved together (An original expression) Till the sun, with fever scorching Caused the little pond to ‘dry up.’ Then was Nothin Shorter angry. Loud lie howled, and tore his breech-cloth, And with fury shrieked and danced, As on the sun he poured his curses. And he cried, ‘0 .Scallcwagger ! (Which is the Indian name for sun, sir,) You have been and gone, and done it, It was you dried up my sweetheart, Killed the beauteous Muddybottoui, ‘ You confess it: you confess it. And lie saw the sun wink at him, As if to say he felt glad of it. Then up started Nothin’ .Shorter, Out of willow-bark and rushes, With them rent a crag asunder, Rent a jutting crag asunder, And. picking up the shattered pieces, Hurled them at the sun in vengeance,’ And so fast the rocks kept flying That the air was nearly darkened And obscured, so Nothin' Shorter Could not see but what he hit it, So he ran and kept on throwing. Stones and dirt, and other missiles, Till the sun which kept retreating, Got alarmed at his persistence, And behind the western mountains Hid his recreant head in terror. Rut the last rock Nothin’ Shorter Threw, fell back on his cobeza, And produced a comminuted Fracture of the cerebellum. Twang a diddle, twang a diddle, Twang, twang, turn. r or some tunc poor JNotnin .'shorter Lay upon the earth quite senseless, Till a small exploring party Under Colonel John C. Fremont, Picked him up and fixed his bruises, Put on Dailey s pain-extractor, Aud some liquid opedeldoc. When relieved, though sorely shattered; lie sat up, upon his haunches, And to Fremont told his story. Gravely listened that young savan, Wrote it down upon his note-book, Had old Preuss te make a drawing Representing Nothin' Shorter Throwing boulders; then he gave him An old blanket and 4 beef-bone, And when he asked him for a quarter, Told him-to go to the Devil. But far away in Eastern cities Fremont told that tale of wonder; And a certain famous poet Heard it all and saw the picture, Wrote it out and had it printed lu one volume post octavo, And I wish I had the money F’or this song of Nothin’ Shorter. Twang a diddle, twang a diddle, Twang, twang, twang. At this junctnre, Amos Johnson, Hushing tumultuously from his grocery, p Crying, • Deru your Indian *proar ; Stop that noise and ‘dry up’ quickly. Or, by the Eternal Jingo! I ll-’ here he saw Miss Tipsydoosen, And the heart of Amos caved in, As afterwards he told Miss Stebbins That she ‘just completely knocked him.’ Why should I continue longer? ‘ Gentles,’ well ye know the sequel How the bright-eyed Tipsydoosen Now is Mrs. Amos Johnson ; Wears gipure, and old point laces, And won’t visit Mrs. Ilodgcns, ’Cause her husband once made harness. Yes, a leader of the fashion Now is ‘ Young Grasshopper Eater,’. Aud the anc.-.t.t S:ep-and-fetch-it Has a residence at Johnson’s; In the back-yard an umbrella Stuck for his accommodation, Where lie sleeps and dreams lair visions Of the day of Nothin’ Shorter; And the moral of my tale is— 10 BE VIBXCOUS Attn BE HAPPY. A FLEET MARRIAGE. EY AN IRISHMAN. Lady C. was a beautiful woman, but Lady C. was an extravagant woman. She is still single, though rather passed extreme youth. Like most pretty females she looked too high and estimated her own loveliness too dearly, and now she refused to believe that she was not as charming as ever. So no wonder she remained unmarried. Lady C. had about five thousand pounds in the world ; she owed about forty thousand. So with ail her wit and beauty she 'got into the fleet, and was likely to remain there. Now, in the time I speak of, every lady had her head dressed by a barber ; and the barber of the fleet was the handsomest bar ber in the city of London. Pat Philan was a great admirer of the fair sex; and where’s the wonder? Sure, Pat was an Irishman. It was a fine morning when Philan was dressing her captivating head that her ladyship took it into her mind to talk to him, and Pat was pleased, for Lady O.’s teeth were the whitest and her smile the brightest in all the world. “So you are not married, Pat ?” says she. “Niver an inch! your honor’s ladyship,” says he. “And wouldn’t you like to be married ?” again asked she. “Would a duck swim ?” “Is there any one you would prefer ?” “Maybe, madam,” said he, “you never heard of Kathleen 0 Reilly, down beyond Doncraile. Her father’s cousin toO’Donaho, who is own steward to Mr. Murphy, the un der agent to my Lord Kingston, and—*’ “Hush,” says she, “sure I don’t want to know who .-be is. But would she have you if you asked her?” “Ah, thin. I’d only wish I’d be after thry ing that same.” I “And why don’t you?” “Sure, I’m too poor.” And Thilan heav ed a prodigious sigh. “Would you like to be rich?” “Does a dog bark ?” “If 1 make you rich, will you doa3 I tell, you ?” “Miile murthers! your honor, bon’t be •> tantalizing a poor boy.” “Indeed I am not,” said Lady C., so you listen. IIow wouldjjyou like to marry me ?” “Ah, thin, my lady, I believe that the king of Russia himself, would like to do that same, lave alutie a poor divil like Pat Philan.” “Well, Pat, if y e! marry me to-morrow, I’ll give you one thousand pounds.” “Oh. whi Hindoo, whilabaloo! sure I am mau, oi enenanieu oy lue gouu people, roar ed l'at, dancing round the iloor. “Put there are conditions,” said Lady C. “After the first day of our nuptials you ! must never see me again, or claim me as your wife.” “I don’t like that,” said Tat, for he had j Lvcn ogling her ladyship most desperately. “Put remember Kathleen O’Reilly. With the money I’ll give you, you may go and mar- i >7 l,er-” 1 hat s thrue,” says he, “but thin the Lig- : amy.” “I’ll never appear again i,” said her ladyship “Onb • t«A-o an oath never to cal! me your wife after to morrow.” “Niver a word will I iver say ” “Well, then,” says she, “there’s ten pounds. Go and Lay a license, and leave the rest to me; then :-iie explained to him where she was I to co, and when he was to come, and all that. The next day Pat was true to his appoint ment, and found two gentlemen already with her ladyship. “Have you got a license?” says she. “Here it is, my lady,” says he. and he gave | it to her. She handed it to one of the gen- : tlcmen, who viewed it attentively. Then, j calling her two servants, she turned to the gentleman who was reading. And sure enough in ten minutes Pat Phi- ! lan was the husband, the legal husband of 1 the lovely Lady C. “That will do,” says she to her husband, as she gave him a hearty kiss; “that I'll do. Now, sir, give me a marriage certificate.” The old gentleman did so, and bowing re spectfully to the five pound note she gave him, he retired with his clerk; for sure enough , 1 forgot to teil^tou that he was a par son. “Go and bring the warden,” says my Lady to one of her servants. “Yes, my lady,” says she; and presently the warden appeared. “Will you be good enough,” said Lady (J., in a voice that would call a bird off a tree, “will you be good enough to send and fetch me a hackney coach ? 1 wish to leave this prison immediately.” “Your ladyship forgets,” said lie. “that you must pay forty thousand pounds before I can let you go.” “I am a married woman. You can detain my husband, but not me.” And she smiled at Philan, who began rather to disbke the ap pearance of things. “Pardon me. my lady, it is well known that you arc single.” “I tell you 1 am married.” “Where's your husband?” “There, sir !” and she pointed to the aston ished barber; “there he stands. Here is my marriage certificate, which you can peruse at your leisure. My servants yonder were wit nessess of the ceremony. Now, detain me, sir, at your peril.” The warden was dumb-founded, and no won der. Poor Philan would have spoken, but neither party would let him. The lawyer he low was consulted. The result was evident. In half an hour Lady 0. was free, and Pat Philan. her legitimate husband, a prisoner for debt to the amount of forty thousand pounds. Well, sir, for sometime Pat thought he was in a dream, and the creditors thought they' were still worse. The following day they had a meeting, and finding how they had been tricked, swore they’d detain Pat forever. 13ut as they knew he had nothing, and wouldn’t feel much shame in going through the insol vent court, they made the best of a bad bar gain, they let let him go. Well, you must know about a week after this, Paddy Philan was sitting by his little fire, and thinking over the wonderful things, when as sure as death, the postman brought him a letter, the first he had ever received, which he took over to a friend of his, one Ryan to read for him, because you see he was no great hand at reading writing. It ran thus: “Go to Doneraile and marry Kathleen O’Re illy. The instant the knot is tied I perform my promise for making you comfortable for life. But as you value your life and liberty, never breathe a word of what has passed. Remember you are in my power if you tell your story. The money^wiil be paid to you directly if you enclose your marriage certifi cate. X send you 5U pounds for present ex penses. G.” c f, | ^ i -1 V .didn t he start next day tor Cork, and didn i he ,, lU n . , , ,~w. Kathleen, and touch a thousand pounds: l>y cowers he did. And what is more, he took a cou«,_ which perhaps you know, not a hundred miles from Bruffin, in the county of Limerick; and i’fay, lie forgot his first wife entirely, and never told any one but myself under prom ise of secrecy, the story of his Fleet Mar riage. _ PROGRESS OF MR. LINCOLN. Myself, Abe, and the rest have encount ered a rapid succession of large things, in the oration way, since I last wrote you. Abe is becoming more grave. He don’t construct as many jokes as he did. He fears he will get things mixed up if he don’t look out, and sincerely as I regard myself compe tent to fill the consulship of Liverpool, I fear he will. ‘I am not so much of a Washing ton as I was,” he touchingly remarked"to me this morning. “No,” I replied, “George is dead.” We made a short stop at Cleveland, Paines viilc and Erie, but passed Buffalo in conse quence of Gen. Scroggs being absent. It was also deemed not worth while to stop at Roches ter, as I. Botts was out of town. At Albany we were “recepted,” until some time after our arrival, on account of our inability to find Gov. Morgan. We all went off to find the old Governor, and finally Weed and I discovered him in the colored tier of the theater, in company with Horace Gree ley. 'I hey came down and ‘recepted’ us. “Got any terbacker in your trowses, Horace?’ says I. “No,” looking sternly at Thurlow, “the weed don’t agree with me.” On entering the Capitol Mr. Lincoln re marked that lie believed the other penitentia ry was located at Auburn. It was u painful error, Mr. Lincoln immediarely apologized on discovering his error. Col. Ellsworth is with us. Old Scott is to resign in favor of Col. Ellsworth, immediate ly on our arrival in Washington. We all think that Scott is played out and are in fa vor of Col. Ell-worth. Scott is very old. Dear me ! yes, Col. Ellsworth is only thirteen years of age. It is to he deeply regretted that the hotels along our route thus far have not been prop erly condncted. Although my connection with Vanity Fair was well-known, not a sin gle hotel dead-headed me. I was compelled, indeed, to pay for my beverage. You will thus see the reason why I studiously refrain from making the slightest allusion to the De levan House at Albany, or the Astor House in th’p- city. Neither of these hotels has “gentlemanly clerks.” A nleasimr incident occurred at Hudson. .Several young ladies come into the ears, and the President elect folded them rapturously to his bosom. They said “don’t,” which in duced the President to believe they liked it. The dailies have told you of our reception in the metropolis. Ilenry Ward Beecher told me, as we were getting some coffee and cakes in Chatham street, that it was indeed an extensive thing. it is popularly believed that Mr. Lincoln is not classically educated, which belief had i:. r.iOwLut - -1 n t-. our civly y Vti t o t the dinner at the Astor, where the bills of fare are printed in French, Mr. Lincoln un hesitatingly called for a sine quanon of beans, and q/Si'ix>( of pork, thus showing his thor ough familiarity with the deceased languages. .Mr. Lincoln says that New York and Phil adelphia arc huger places than Springfield, being more thickly settled. Mr. Lincoln has abstained from facetiously designating hotel napkins as towels, since Gen. Nye, win >e winning ways and polite de portment are strikingly similar to those of the late Lord Chesterfield, joined our party. Mr. Lincoln continues to measure with all tall men who present themselves, and in va rious other dignified ways presents a full un derstanding of the grave duties which will shortly surround him. The assertion that he dare not let his measures be known is a w*eak invention of the enemy, lie measures with every one who wants him to. Yours, in haste. C. AUGUSTUS. IMPORTANT EVENTS IN OUR HISTORY. Since the day of the presidential election the events that have transpired in the l uited States have been many and important. The N. 0. True Delta classifies them as follows: On the 20th of December, South Carolina passed an ordinance of secession. This was followed by the seizure of the revenue cutter Aiken, and of the United States arsenal. On the 20th Major Anderson moved from Fort Moultrie to Fort Sumpter, and so took com mand of Charleston harbor. On the 20th of January, Forts Pulaski and Jackson, and the United States arsenal at Savannah, with Fort Mason and the arsenal at Fayetteville, N. C-, were seized. On the l>d Fort Morgan, near A f i : l __1 iL . AT_*. V_- 1 _ *'iU 9j i i v ^ uiiva u:o I VI Iivu lit vvuitij n vi v taken. On the Gth the arsenal at Apalachi cola, and on the 8th, Forts Johnson and Cass well, in North Carolina, were also seized. The same day, the Florida convention adopted se cession resolutions. On the 9th Mississippi followed suit, while at Charleston the New York steamer Marion was seized and the Star of the West fired into. On the lUth, Fort McRae, at Pensacola, and on the 11th. Forts Pike, St. Philip and Jackson, with the arse nal at Raton Rouge, were seized. The same day Alabama seceded. On the 12th, Fort Barrancas and the Pensacola navy-yard were taken. On the 19th Georgia seceded. On Sunday, January 20th, Ship Island (Miss.) fort was taken by Capt. Howard. On the 20th, Governor Brown, of Georgia, seized the arsenal at Augusta. February 2d, the cutter Lewis Cass, was surrendered by its trai torous commander. Feb. 8th, the arsenal at Little llock was taken. Feb. 8th, the Mont gomery convention proclaimed the “Confed erate States of America,” and elected Jeff. Davis President of its provisional govern ment. The same day five New l’ork vessels were seized in the port of Savannah, by or der of Gov. Brown. On the lGth of Febru ry the arsenal and other property belonging to tic United States at San Antonia, Texas, was taken possession of by the State troops. What will next transpire, so fast does one startling event give place to another still more startling, it is difficult to conjecture. -—» m - In Cincinnati the other day, an Irishman became angry at a negro, and broke seven or eight bricks upon his head, without doing him the least injury. The negro, who was per fectly cool during the operation, exclaimed, “ Struck away, white man. Dis chile don’t mind dem pebbles, no hew ! Yah ! yah ! “ Do you think,” asked Mrs. Pepi'er, rather sharply, “ that a little temper is a bad thing in a woman ?" “ Certainly not, ma’am,” re plied the gallant philosopher; “ it is a good thing, and she ought never to lose it." ✓ ..mu ! „■ am-——————— ALL SORTS OF PARAGRAPHS. If a small boj' be called a lad, is it proper to call a bigger boy a ladder. 1 *''°)'«<;Qr Agassiz assures us that the grass hopper s orga..- hearing are in his legsi The only greenhorn iv tolerated is a mintjulep. A good man is kinder to his enemy than a bad man to hi3 friends. Fkesii rolls every morning—Rolling to the other side of the bed for a fresh snooze. There are said to be SO,000 veterans of the war of 1812 in New York State alone. lie that can keep his tongue is better thaif he that can keep a carriage. It is a glorious thing to resist temptations, but it is a sale thing to avoid them. The injustice from which a man has most to iear is his own; Black swans and wise lovers are great rari ties in the world. A good cause is more injured by a weak defense than by a strong attack. No man has a right to do as he pleases, ex cept when he pleases to do right. More persons are admired and envied from being unknown than from being known. Suicides have of late been extraordinary numerous in l’aris and the neighbourhood. Love is a compound of honey and gall, mixed in various proportions for customers. A parent’s forgiveness of a daughter when her heart is broken, is pardon after execution. Tears are nature's lotion for the eves. The eyes see better for being washed with them. Why is a fashionable lady like a rigid econ omist '( Because she makes a great bustle about a little waist. In matters of conscience the first thoughts are the best; in matters of prudence, the last. man that can be flattered is not necessa lWr a fool, but you can alwaps make one of him. The best atonement for evil deeds is to set about the performance of worthier ones. Without discretion learning is pedantry, and wit impertinence j and virtue itself looks like weakness. Well may every act, and every silent thought—-deep hidden though it be—tend to the great hereafter. For science and reasoning go to Euclid, for wit to Shakspeare, but for wisdom to the Bible. Gen. Jo Lane is reported to have given as bis opinion that President Buchanan is “U kurrupt ” for the democracy.” A young lady out West is charged with putting on airs because she refused to go to a ball barefoot. The things can never agree—two cats over one mouse, two wives in one house, or two lovers over one maiden. jl iu*u V.j. _v.a, „v:„r end of man, answered, “ The end what’s got the head ou.” A short time ago a man became so com pletely “ wrapped in thought ” that he was tied up. labeled, and set oil on the “ train of ideas.” “You want nothing, do you?” said Pat “ Bedad, an’ if it’s nothing you want, you’ll find it in the jug where this whis ky was.” David Tender, popping the question in a letter, concluded thus: “And should you sav ve.s, dear 31 ary, I will truly be your D. Fender.” An Irishman caught a hornet in his hand, but dropped it and exclaimed, “ Be jabers, what kind of teeth do you birds have in Amerriky ?” A young man in conversation one evening chanced to remark, “ I am no p’.ophet.” “ True,” replied a lady present, “ no profit to yourself or to any one else.” A wag seeing a lady at a party with a very low-necked dress and bare arms, expressed bis admiration by saying she out-stripped the whole party. Irish Sergeant—“Attention, Company, and tend to rowl call. All of ye that are prisint, say Here, and all of ye that are not prisint, say Absint.” A very pious old gentleman told his Sons not to go, under any circumstances, a fishing ou the Sabbath, but if they did, by all means to bring home the fish. “ 3Iick,” said a bricklayer to his laborer, “ if you meet Patrick, tell him to make haste, as we arc waiting for him.” “Shure and I will,” replied 3lick, “ but what will I tell him him if I don’t meet him ?” A father of three sons and five daughters was asked what family he had. The reply was : “ T have three sons, and thev have each five sisters.” “ Mercy !” replied the interro gator, “ sicli a family ye maun have.” A little girl of four years old was called as a witness in the Durham police court, and, in answer to the question as to what became of little girls who told lies, she innocently re plied that they were sent to bed. A fellow of atrocious ugliness chanced to pick up a good looking glass on the road, but when he looked at it himself, he flung it away in a rage, crying, “ If you had been good for anything, you would not have been thrown away by your owner.” A country girl, from the field, was told by her cousin that she looked as fresh as a daisy kissed with dew.” “ Well, it wasn’t any fel ler by that name, but it was Steve Jones that kissed me ; I told him that every one in town would find it out.” “Well, Mr. Richards, how does my son get along with his grammar lesson ?” “ He sur passes any pupil that ever I had.” “ In what does he chiefly excel, sir V’ “ In stupidity; sir. He surpasses any boy that ever I saw in that quality, sir.” * A beautiful thought is thus suggested id the Koran—“ Angels, in the grave, will not question thee as to the amount of wealth tboii hast left behind, but as to the what deeds | thou hast done in the world to entitle thee to a seat among the blest.” A tipsy customer, who was seated on the box with the stage driver, swayed backward i rill he tumbled otf. The mud was deep, and j be fell soft. “ There, now,” he exclaimed, as be crawled out of the slough, “ I knew you’d upset, if you didn’t take care.” On being told that they did not upset—“ Not up ■ cat 1” he echoed in amazement. “ If I’d have ‘ known that, I wouldn’t have gone off.”