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THE DAMS Kit AND THE HAT.
A ilnmsol fair In ttio parquet mt,
And nil nrouml hung n Onlnslmro lint,
Whllo the talcMioadecl boys sit Just bolitnd
Cursing lior cartwheel In tliclr mind.
Hut for them tlio dnmncl would not stir.
Thoiwli It plonsod not thorn, It did plcuso licr,
And sliu said to herself behind her fun,
"Now, I'm bound to mash that 'ere lending
Ciiouus That 'era leadlnir man,
That 'ere Jeiullnir man.
Ilor most hlstrlonlo,
Fancy formed this plan ;
If I am a crusher
To tho ushor,
Why not to tho leadlnir man?
And cucliof the boys expressed liU mind
At tho hat whoso shadow struck thorn blind.
Tho baker muttered, "It takes the cake I"
Tho gambler oxclalmcd, "Well, what a stnko 1"
Tho coal man murmured, "A l'lttsburtf tow 1"
And tho blR-collarud Colonel, "Wo'vo trot no
Tho dcalor In wheat then took In tho lint,
And Kt-owlcd, "Well, I'd sell on n margin like
Cnomis-Wltli a margin like that,
With a margin llko that,
Hut this too-too-ty
Was blushing behind lior fan :
And llttlo sho eared
For tho boys who stared
Blio had mashed tho leading man.
Study It out.
Here is an alphabet which will make you
study. Get out your bible and turn to the
places. When you have found them, read and
A was a monarch, who resides in the Rast.
Esther, i, I .
B was a Chaldee, who made a great feast.
Daniel, v, 1-4.
C was veracious when others told lies.
Num. xiii, 30-33.
D was a woman, heroic and wise.
Judges iv, 4-14.
E was a refuge, where David spared Saul.
I Sam, xxiv, 1-7.
F was a Roman, accuser of Paul.
Acts xxvl, 24.
G was a garden, a frequent resort.
John xvii, 1-2; Matt, xxvi, 36,
II was a city where David held court.
2 Sam ii, 11.
I was a mocker, a very bad boy.
Genesis xvi, 16.
J was a city, preferred as a joy.
Psalm exxxii, 6.
K was the father, whose son was quite tall.
Sam. ix, 1-2.
L was a proud one, who had a great fall.
Isaiah xiv, 12.
M was a nephew, whose uncle was good.
Colossians iv, 10; Acts xi, 24,
N was a city long hid where it stood.
Zachariah ii, 13.
O was a servant, acknowledged a brother.
Philemon i, 16.
P was a Christian, greeting another.
2 Timothy, iv, 21.
R was a'damsel, wjio knew a man's voice.
1 Kings xi, 4-11.
T was a seaport, where preaching was long.
Acts xx, 6-7.
U was a teamster, struck dead for his wrong
2 Sam. vi, 7.
V was a cast-off and never restored.
Esther i, 19.
7. was ruin, with sorrow deplored.
HE WAS SO YOUNO.
Some months ago a Boston clothier started
his son for Nashville with stock to open a re
tail store, and the other day a friend, who
knew of the circumstances, met the father and
''Well, how does Jake get along?"
"Shake is home again," was the reply.
"Why I thought he was in Nashville."
"So he vash."
"And I heard he was doing a rushing bust
"Vhell, peesness rushed a leedle on der
start, but finally it dropped off until it doan't
"And so Jake busted?"
"Vhell, it amounts to der same thing I sup
pose. Der fire didn't get half a start perfore
der engines vhas on hand. Poor Shake! It
vhas a crushing blow vhen dey found a candle
in a box of shavings! He vhas so young,
you see. Wall Street News.
MM, If fit
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Frederick, Prince of Pisa
Pipo, a Shepherd
Matheo, Inn Keeper
Bettina, the Mascot
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Mr. J. E. Harrold
Mr. Robert Becker
Mr. W. G. Tobin, Jr
Mr. J. W. Tobin
Mr. John Cresson
Miss Hortie Jones
Miss Helena Jones
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ULIU III XJLXJ
Stage and Bus. Manager.
SO-AJliE OF PRICES :
Il'enklwr lip n Lot Mutch.
"What's the deadliest drug you've got In
stock?" inquired a young man with enough
court plaster, lint, and cotton waste' on his
face and hands to clean up a locomotive ready
for its next run.
Can t sell no poison to suicides," said the
clerk, "lleen in a fight?"
"I'm no suicide, not much. I'm just the
liveliest man in the city." .
"Want to poison some rats, don't you?
That's an old racket that won't work in this
"No, I don't want to piien rats. But if
you've got any triple extract of strychnine or
double concentrated essence of arsenic or
three-ply fly paper soaked in corrosive subli
mate, why I want it. I'm laying for a goat
young man. Ever see a goat, a wild, un
tamed Rocky mountain goat with chin whisk
ers and a pig-iron head?' '
I've seen a goat drawing a boy in a little
"O, you've seen a tame goat harnessed to a
little red wagon, have you? well he atn' t the
goat I'm laying for. Look at that ear. Big
as six ears." Here the plastered ) outh limped
around the end of the show case to exhibit his
rincipal scars and body wounds. "See the
ridge of that nose? Got to have a silver
ridge put in there. See that eye? Getting
back into its socket somewhat, but last night
laid out on my cheek, and the doctor
thought one while he couldn't persuade it to
go back and sustain pleasant relations with
the other one. I've mashed one of the hand
somest girls on the South Side, it's a regular
love match, and her father's as rich as river
mud, and he and I are having a regular fight
over her, or was having that kind of a set-to
until he introduced this goat into the battle,
and now its a kind of a three-cornered duel
and so far the goat is ahead. That's what I
want the dope for. I want to dose that gsat
with something that will make him lay down
and gently kick his life away to the soft sigh
ing of the evening breeze, something which
will curl him up like a dead leaf rattling in a
fence corner. The old man got a thorough
bred English bull dog when I first commenced
paying particular attention to his daughter,
and its many anight I've let go her hand and
lit out over the gate partly because I didn't
have time to work the combination lock, and
partly because I wasa't acquainted with that
branch of the family, the dog, but it wasn't
many moons before I crept into that dog's
affections, and he wouldn't bite me any
quicker than he would the old man himself.
Well the old gentleman got on to the undue
familiarity which he saw existed between me
and the dog, and when he couldn't sick him
on me any more, and saw with pain that the
dog had rather outlived his usefulness, he sent
the critter out into the country and got this
goat on to the place, and there ain't no two
ways about it, one of us has pot to die, and br
crimus! I don't feel as though it ought to be
me, right in the prime ot me and solid with
the girl. The girl's just as anxious as I am to
assassinate the goat, as on one or two different
occasions the sportive animal has boosted her
up over the goosberry bushes and up the front
steps quicker man sne intended. You can't
Aratch out for him, for he don't stay on the
ground much and is just as likely to come for
you off the wood shed or the roof of the porch
as ne is 10 sneaic up in ine rear and snoot you
along the gravel path with your nose throwing
sub-soil like a snow plow. I believe that goat
crawles all over the outside of the house and
climbs trees. He has dropped me sometimes
in my tenderest and most emotional moments
moments when I was burning with elo
quence and I bad to lav there and kick and
swear, knocked out and paralyzed by the old
man's goat, wen mat goat will eat anything
from quail on toast to a week's washing, and
if you 11 just do me up a couple of pounds af
pure strychnine I'll invite him to a picnic
which will shatter his nervous system and turn
him into a ghost." Dick Steele in Chicago
PAID IN 1US OWN COIN, AS IT M'EllE.
The president of a defunct saving bank of
this city got into a hack and rode to the cen
tral depot yesterday. Upon arrival at his des
tination the driver said, "fare please, $1,"
As the regular charge is only 50 cents the
passenger indignantly demanded of the Jehu,
"what do you take me for?"
"Fifty cents on the dollar, sir. I was afraid
to say only 50 cents for the ride for fear you
would want to settle with me for 25 cents,
that being 50 per cent, and the rate at which
you settled with your other creditors."
The hackman got his $1 and the ex-banker
got something he had not thought of before.