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A WEEKLY JOURNAL DEVOTED TO THE POLITICAL, ECONOMIC AL AND DOMESTIC INTERESTS OF
LAMOILLE COUNTY.
TEIUIS:-$1.50.
HYDE PAlvK, VT., AVE DN K S 1 ) AY, AP1UL 18, 1877.
VOL.l.-XO.l.
Ia-HLII1KD EVfcRV WLPNKMMT, AT
HYDE PARK, VT.
tf.h Tin.
a year, if paid ' ailvanoo, ''K
if not paid in advance, . . S IX
ingle copies, -01
POETRY,
Mate of Adirrtlalnr.
I me column one year, ' .
" six mourns,
three months, '
one month, .
i ine-half column one ynr, .
t " SIX IIIOIIIO.
" Uiree uionthi, .
i one monlh, .
I inufourUi column one year,
six nionins,
three mouths, .
one month,
" fix ll.uiilllS,
three months, .
" one month.
k ntires of Lilicralious ami Kstrays,
rebate Notices,
I.iimiics lams, .
inch one week, . . .
" each subsequent week,
I wo inches one week,
eaeh subsequent week,
hrec inches one week.
" each auusciieni weeK,
. (inn.no
iO.(M)
t . .SA.dO
16.Ul
(KI.0U
.won
to.m
lii.ni)
:.
at.iw
12.00
H.IIO
- " ln.no
s.un
8.1)0
l.SOeach.
4..KI each.
4.00 each.
1.MI
BUSINESS CARDS.
H.W. HENDRICK.M.D.
I1YS1CIAN AM) St 1U.LON,
Hyde Park, Vt.
TTORNEY,
M.O. HEATH,
Johnson, Vt.
VALLEY HOUSE,
. LITIS, Proprietor,
North Hydopark, t.
VAN NESS HOUSE,
I C. r.AKlitU, AXIJ U. is. r r.mn .--, i i"-
If, prictors, ' liurlington, t.
BRICHAM & WATERMAN,
TTOK.NLYS AND COUNSLU.OltS AT LAW ,
WALDO 11UIUIIAM.
CEO. L. W.VTKUMAN'.
J.B. FASSETT,
)EALKK IN MIMICAL, ISMUl .r.. i
Johnson, t.
I Ugans set up on trial. Orders solicited. I
T.J.BAKER,
Ll LTi S11LKIM' AM) ju i aisj.r.n,
I Johnson, t.
lU ljusitiess done with accuracy and dispatch.
E. B.SAWYER,
TTOItNKY AM) CorNSKl.l.OU AT LAW
Ask soi.irrnm ami Mamtkii in Ciianckhv
nice ill Ameriean Hotel. . . Hyde Park.
nVr Mav 1st. rrhlavs and Saturdays ol eacii
k at North Hyde Park. 1
H.C. LAMPHER,
VKITTV SIIEKIi'F AM) AlHTIONKKII,
) Hyde Park, Vt.
Uiiiicss from iiki-liea residing out of the county
I receive prompt attention.
AMERICAN MOUSE,
1'. KKLLLY, Proprietor,
, Hyde l'ark, Vt.
tving rented the Amerinui Hotel ami flow
II..M... in tli.) util.v... wti urn ii&w lu'
i'h to take good care ol f tit: patron i.f hotli
sex, und hope Wjtivc uuyi4.ictinn t" all.
1 J. r . kbLLLi .
THREE CANZONETTES.
tn Hiirwr'n Mainiw for Xotcnilier there I
iHHUtitXll poem hv Mi-. MuliH'k.elititleU "Mairnln
ami Moruia : a Nlietlainl r airy Tale." We mil
from thid jmkui a few parages Unit suffer leat uy
lieing presented M'parately :
CKAHI.E SONti.
81eep, my baliy, eside the lire,
hleep, child, sleep :
Wiuit arc nailing, ni)tlier anil uglier,
VVave are rising, hifrherand higher,
Sleep, child, sleep :
While the father, out on the sea,
Toils nil nitrtit for thee and mc.
Sleep, my baliy, content and blct;
Sleep, child, sleep : -Whether
the heart in my mother', breast
. lie liKlit or lieavv no In t! so best!
.. .. sh J, rt!!;.IPTTt t - ". i-"r'i
While thy father, out on the sea,
Toila all iiiitht for thee and nie.
YOr.VG AM) OLD.
When we are young our boys nre sweet,
They climb our knees anil lie at our feet:
When we nre old they arc haul to please,
Cold as the rock and wild n the breeze :
They kiss u kindly and speak us fair,
But we know their hearts are otherwhere.
O, my son 's my son till he pets him a wife,
Hut my daughter 's my daughter all her life.
When w e nre young onr days nre bright,
And full ol'liope from morn till night:
When we are old we sit alone,
And think of plea sant days long Rone,
When the house w as full of the children's noise
The wilful Kil ls and the naughty boys
Oh, my son ' my son till he gi ts him a wife,
Hut my daughter 's my daughler all my life.
"WHKX A MAXCOMKSHO.VE."
When a man comes home,
hm't begin to w Tangle ;
Hotter far to sleep
In the hungry deep,
Ncnth white sheets of foam,
And of sea-weed tangle,
Peace, peace, peace :
Cease, cease, cease.
When a man conn s home,
Don't begin to wrangle.
When a man comes home,
Let him enter smiling;
Take the children sweet,
l'laving round his feet;
Throw off grief and gloom,
Anil the world's beguiling.
Peace, peace, pence ;
Cease, cease cease.
When a man comes home,
Let him Und all smiling.
When a man conies home,
lie should still remember
'Tis not always May,
Either work or play
Sure as .1 vine will come,
There will come December,
Fence, peace, peace;
Cease, cease, cense.
Evening brings aM home,
And sunshine in December.
CARROLL S. PAGE,
KALKK IX
k!f Skins, Hides, and Sheep Pelts,
STOVES AND LUMIIKK.
Ilvde Park, Vt
Johnson, Vt.
11 work warranted.
diimjoiii.iifj
UNCLE ZEKE'S CONSCIENCE.
MINER, POPE & CO.,
WHOLESALE DEALERS IX
feas, Coffees, Spices, &c.
BURLINGTON, VT.
f you want pure goods, got such
bear our laoei. 1
POLISHED
MARBLE SGRAiiLTE
luld respectfully infonn the people
LAMOILLE COUNTY that, not
islanding the hakd times, he has
mud the largest and most eom-
etoek of
1
OITXJIvIEITTS
AND
XZEADSTOXTES
r offered for salo in Northern Ver-
t, which ho is now selling at from
0 25 PER CENT. DISCOUNT
rormer prices. It will, as licreto-
be his ami to liirnisu tne veiy
qualitj' of work, and at the lowest
os consistent with GOOD WOKK-
N8I1IP.
arties wishing MONUMENTAL
URK are especially invited to call
examine this stock.
HENRY R. MACK.
lardwick, April 9, 1877. 1-0
OB PIUKTIKG
Neatly and promptly done at the
LAMOILLE NEWS OFFICE.
rs by mail will be promptly attended to.
On the banks of the numerous creeks
that indent the western tshorc of the
Lower Chesapeake stands a little house
built ol plain slabs roughly riven, and
ingeniously roofed with a combination
of old shingles, pieces of pine board,
straw, rags and rubbish, wonderful to
behold. This is Uncle Zeke's cabin.
Some years ago there moved to the
i i i it it 1 rf -1
lieigliuornoou ol l ncie ackc s eaiun a
gentleman from New York, wlio.se
identity may be disguised under the
name of Smith. The new comer en
gaged vigorously in fanning, and by
liberal employment and prompt pay
ment soon gained the good will of all
the colored men around him. Uncle
Zeke in particular was never weary of
chanting his praises, and many a bush
el of oysters did Zeke convert into mon
ey at liellevue, as Smith's estate was
called. But all the good will of his
humble neighbors did not suiliee to
protect Mr. "Smith from pilferings.
Shoats would disappear mysteriously
during the night, geese and turkeys
would take wing for parts unknown,
and in particular the corn crib would
frequently show by unmistakable signs
that its sancity had been violated. To
the story of these various losses would
Uncle Zeke incline a sympathetic ear,
and his "AYell, now, who ever hear de
like o' dat? Clar to goodness dose yore
boys is gettiu' wdsser an' wusser," evi-'
denced alike his detestation of the
crime and his contempt for the offend
er.
Smith's patience was at last ex
hausted, and he determined upon vig
orous measures for the protection of
his property. His first experiment
was to place a large spring rat-trap,
artistically concealed in a heap of
shelled corn, close by the cat hole in
the corn crop door, expecting that the
unwary thief plunging his hand reck
lessly through the hole into the heap,
would be caught and held until some
one came to set him free. But lo !
next morning the trap was found
sprung and the heap of corn diminished,
but thief had vanished and left no
trace behind.
At last a good sized box arrived
from New York, and the next day the
local carpenter was ordered to fix two
brass handles to the corn crib ; one to
be put alongside the door for conven
ience, as Mr. Smith publicly explained,
of steadying one's self while turning
the other. The second handle had
a latch attached to it by which the
you
like.
it-very
door was secured on the inside, and
was set in such a position that any
one turning it must hold on by the
other knob to prevent ln ing thrown
backward by the opening door. Both
handles were profusely decorated with
bus, nnd elicited much admiration
from the hands, who submitted them
to a critical examination. The car
penter's work being finished, Smith, in
presence of all his colored employees,
solemnly repeated, in front of the corn
crib, the first two lines of the second
book of Yii-gil'sr.noid, and announced
that his corn w as thenceforward secure.
A'Tiov: sWTWt WCMItauTTSertsrttas
that afternoon deposited in the crib,
and during the early part of the cnsit
mg night the proprietor of Jiellevue
speretlv busied himself with a coil of
insulated wire.
Numerous and divers were thespeC'
illations among the darkeys. Jim Oat
lev "'lowed Mis' Smith done witched
dat ar corn house, sho 'null". Tell yon
gemmen, you touch dem 'ere handles,
evil sDcrit earn- you 'way. No such
1 V
ting's evil spent! How you know
ilcre no sucli tingf Hush, lioy ; go
see what de Bible say 'bout dem ting.
Pete Lee "didn't b'lieve in no sperits
got a gun fix somewhar inside dat
house: turn de handle an de gun go
off. Seen dem tings afore up country
when I live in Goozleum." Another
theorist averred that "while Mis' Smith
savin' dat ar Scripter obcr dem hand
les he seen a white pigeon come a-sail-in'
rotin' an' roun', an' done light on
de peak o' de corn house roof. High !
tell you, sar, suinpin' up, sho'."
Uncle Zeke, like the rest, was trou
bled in his mind, but, unlike his fel
lows, he determined to waste no time
in speculation, but to seek his infor
mation direct from headquarters.
Prepared with half a bushel of oysters
as an excuse for conversation, he
sought an interview with Mr. Smith,
and boldly propounded his questions.
"'Mis' Smith, what you bin a-doin'
to dat ar crib o'yourn'r"
V1iv. T'nele Zeke. what do
to iter 7 "V
V .(11i unnin. K.'ir : sorter curus
I learn all de boys talkin' 'bout
neber see nutlin like dat afore."
"Well, Uncle Zeke, I can't
well explain it to you ; but I just ad
vise you don't go near that crib after
dark, or you may see something you
won't like." And Uncle Zeke depart
ed, revolving many things in his mind.
It was midnight the hour when
, i i . . i , .,..4-
cnuicin aius are saiu iohwh, not nnu
exhaustion, but returning animation.
In front of the enchanted corn house
stood Brother Ezekiel, a lengthy pole
in his hand, and a capacious meal bag
over his shoulder.
In silent meditation he stood for
some five minutes, deliberating on the
best plan of attack. The great New
foundland watcli dug bounded toward
him, evidently in rejoicing welcome.
Forth from his pocket the old man
drew a savory bit of fried bacon,
which the faithless Bos'en eagerly de
voured. The reflection ended, the
dog lay contentedly on the ground,
and watched the subsequent proceed
ings with the air of a totally disinter
ested observer.
"Clar to goodness, now," muttered
Uncle Zeke, "wish't I un'stood 'bout
dis ting. C'an't be no spring trap like
a las' time, kase how he gwine to
spring froo de do' ? Ke ! ke ! Done
bodder Mis' Smith sho 'miff when he
find dat ole rat trap sprung and nufTln
cotch. High ! . Can' fool disser chile
wid no traps. No, sar 1 done see too
much for dat."
Uncle Zeke paused, scratched his
head meditatively, and then resumed
his soliloquy :
"Well, I declar', ef disser don't
beat preachin' ! Mus' be a gun in dar.
Ef ain' no gun, den dere ain't nuflin
derc all foo'slmess. Anyway, Is
gwine for try him." .
Uncle Zeke threw his bag to
ground, stepped to one side of
house, and with his pole struck a sharp
blow on the brass knob nearest him.'
Nothinir followed. He pried against
it with his stick, but still without effect
He went to the other side of the house
and repeated his experiments on the
second knob, but still all remained
quiet. '
Uncle Zeke now drew from his pock
et a skeleton key, mounted the ladder,
and in a trice had opened the padlock
which held the door.
"Dar now, jus' 's I thought. De
boss done humbug dein fool nigger,
make um tink disser house 'witched.
Aiti' nuflin dar, sho'iniff."
The old darkey rcatVd up and cau
iously turned the bar V The door
opened a little, and, c.ng ft way all
fear, Uncle Zeke bold';, a achul for the
isclf while hi1
RELIGIOUS.
other knob, to steady
swung back the door.
Literally like a flash .f lightning
the electric discharge p-?.. ed through
him. The muscles of lus fingers con
tracted, and he could not release his
hold of the enchanted 2 andles. At
last his feet slipped fioui the ladder,
and the weight of his V !y tore his
hands adrift. Like a '.tlic old man
dropped to the ground,. -VJi.v grcan-
tirg,praytr.g aiiu gelf! vr. f. '?.ueicnr
"Oh, de lawsgoramity ! Oh, my
hcabeuly Marster I Who eber fought
o' dat ! My eonse'ence done wake up !
my eonse'ence done wake up 1 lleern
bout it often, an' now I knows it.
Oh, my heabenly Marstei! if you lets
up on jne dis time, Uncle Zeke neber
touch nuflin no mo. Clar to goodness
l's a change' man from dis day. 15
r-r-r-r-r" And what, with the shock,
the fright, and the fall, Uncle Zeke's
senses seemed leaving him.
"Ezekiel!" said a solemn voice.
Instinctively Uncle Zeke answered:
"Here me," and looked ia the direc
tion of the sound. Oh., horror ! A
figure clad in white was Hearing him
with slow and solemn steps. As the
mysterious visitor approached it seem
ed to rise until it towered to the height
of at least ten feet. The wretched
Ezekiel, on his hands and knees, his
eyes protruding, and his jaw dropped,
remained as if paralyzed.
Suddenly the phantom bowed itself,
and its head descended with incredible
swiftness, and smote the unfortunate
Uncle Zeke senseless to the earth.
Three days later, as poor Uncle
Zeke lay, racked with rheumatism and
tormented with spiritual fear, upon his
bed in the single room fit his cabin,
the door opened, and in walked Mr.
Smith, of Bellevue.
"Good morning, Uncle Zeke. Why,
what's the matter with you, old man?"
"Oh, Mis' Smith? VU, Ms' Smith,
lately. De angel ob' de Lord done
wrastle wid me, an' my eonse'ence
woke, an', oh, my heabenly Marster,
l's one suit'erin' sinner. Mis' Smith,
is you bin is you done is you m-iniss
tiiiv tinar wid dat ar c-corn house o
yourn ?"
"No, indeed, Uncle Zeke ; nobody
been near it.- Everything all right
now."
"An' nobody done touch tie lock?
Do' lock' ebery mornin'?"
"Yes, indeed. Why, who do yon
think would touch it, old man?"
Uncle Zeke answered not, but his
lips move convulsively, as he mutter
ed: "Knowk me down f'c.s, an' den
lock de do' au' took de key. . Now I
knows it was de angel ob tie Lord."
Needless, to say that thence forward
Smith's premises were safe. Pigs
might squeal : "Take me out, take me
out ;" barn and corn crib might be
left open; but the rumoiv of Uncle
Zeke's terrible experience had gone
abroad among the darkies, and not a
man of them could have been induced
for love or money to land on the shores
of Bellevue after dark. Smith judi
ciously kept his counsel, and it was
many months before he related to me
how, with a powerful galvanic battery,
he had shocked poor Uncle Zeke's
nerves, and with the aid of a mask
and a sheet on a hickory pole, enacted
an elongated ghost. But he seldom
failed when he met UDeleKk-to in
quire into the state of? his conscience,
and the awakened and "repentant Afri-1
can would roll his eyes piously upward
and reply :
"Much better, sar, t'ank tie Lord.
Ain' trouble me in long time now,
sar."
But no persuasion has ever induced
Uncle Zeke to relate the history of that
awful night when his conscience awoke
to trouble him, and the angel of the
Lord appeared and smote him. Har
per's Magazine.
"I don't seo how you can have been
working all day like a horse," exclaim
ed the wife of a lawyer, her husband
having declared he had been thus
working. "Well, my dear," he re
plied, "I've been drawing a convey
ance all day, anyhow.
Summer is coming!
The pigs nre sqealing :
The dogs are ki-ylying ;
She cats are nuillrowlng;
The rooataro are crowing,
And the man who tries to sleep through nil the
racket anathematizes the whole dog.goned ma
lingerie in a manner more emphatic and feeling
than blithe.
Life's iiiy. ry deep, i-c-IIoim as the ocean
llath Mirged anil ailcl for ages to and fro;
Earth' generations wntrlt iu rea-wlrss motion.
As iu and out its liollovr moaning flow.
Sluvering and ycarping by that unknown oca.
Let mv vnil ralm itself, (..xl ! iu Tlu.
"DEM SUPPOSES."
Those who are so anxious altit the
future as to be tiuhappy iu the present,
may learn a lesson from a poor colored
woman. Her name- was Nancy, and
she earned a moderate living by wash
ing. She was, however, always hap
yy. One day, one, of , those anxious
Christians, who are constantly "tak
ing thought" about the morrow, said
to her :
"Ah, Nancy, it is well enough to lie
happyiow, but I should think jour
thoughts of your future would sober
you. Suppose, for instance, that you
should be sick and unable to work ; or.
suppose that your present employers
should move away, nnd no one else
give you anything to lo ; or suppose"
"Stop!" cried Nancy, "1 never sup
poses. De Lord is my Shepherd, and
I knows I shall not want. And, hon
ey," sho added to her gloomy friend,
"it's all dem "supposes" as is makin'
you so mis'able. You'd better give
dem all up an' jes' trus' in de Lord."
The National Baptist says : "The
December number of the Missionary
Magazine gives some facts of an eco
nomical interest. In one of our Indi
an "wars," so called, fifteen or twenty
Indians were killed, at an expense,
according to President Grant, of $:W,
000,000, or nearly S2,000,000 each.
To dislodge a handful of Modocs from
the lava beds cost us a hundred lives,
and $(,)00,000. Now, over against
these, put the cost of missions. It
cost, at the very outside, a few hun
dred thousand dollars to civilize and
Christianize the Scminoles, C'herokees,
and Choctaws, to give us John Jumper,
instead of Captain Jack. It cost a
little more than a million dollars .to
-ljvilizft tlie Knndjvieh Islands. Ta1e
I he late political campaign. It was
estimated that in New England 400
barrels of oil were used up every night,
during the active part of the canvass,
for torchlight processions. And this
was but a fraction of the expense of
the display. Each of the parties spent
millions, perhaps many millions. We
do not altogether object to this, in so
far as it served to educate and arouse
the people. But when we remember
that the cost of one torchlight proces
sion would have educated a thousand
colored children for a year, would
have educated fifty or a hundred men
who would have been leaders among
them, would have started a half-dozen
mission schools in the slums of New
York, and gone far to transform beasts
into men, we confess that we can see
where the money might have been
better spent.
and personal efforts for the salvation
rf every unconverted pupil in the sem
inary. The result was, that even
year, sometimes iu the early weeks of
the first term, a marked spiritual
awakening would manifest itself,
and before the year closed nearly every
young woman in the institution would
be gathered into the Christian fold.
Such a preliminary work as this is now
needed in the Churches. The hearty
awakening and consecration of pro
fessed Christians, and their expressed
interest in behalf of the unsaved
around them, would not fa!! of being
followed with blessed iv.,u!,'3.
U.. t
Unfinished Wokk. Nothing teach
s more impressively man's frailty than
his unfinished undertakings. Lying
iu the quarry near the Syrian city of
Baalbec is the largest worked stone in
the world, a gigantic block nearly sev
enty feet in length, almost detached
and ready for transportation to its
niche in the titanic platform of the
Teniide of the Sun. It seems as
though the workmen had just niomen
tarily left their ltd tor, and we fancy
that we must soon see them returning
lint forty centuries or more ago some
providential emergency called them
from their work : and there lies the
huge block, nnd yonder is the Cyclope
an wall with its vacant niche, one of
the most striking and impressive of
the unfinished labors of the world.
And so the colossal Kutub Miliar,
though a finished column in itself, is
but a fragmentary memorial of a gi
gantic unfinished plan ; and as such it
will doubtless stand to teach many
generations yet to come that, though
man may propose, heaven will dis
pose. Myers' Remains of Lost Em
pires.
LET'S LAUGH A LITTLE.
There was a burst in a tin conductor
leading from the root ot tlic house on
the corner of Rose and Myrtle streets
the other afternoon, and the water thus
i 7 .
night the weather stiffened up and the
loose water became a sheet of ice
About lour o clock the next morning
the
the
If we were fallen angels, with pow
erful intellects, accustomed to solve
eternal mysteries, glowing, like stars
in this, our nether firmament, and with
vast moral energies, and ages in which
to perform, I can imagine that God
would have given us a very different
an immeneely fuller scheme of doctrine
and duties than he has given. But
remembering that so brief is life that
we can know but little, he has flashed
the saving truth before our souls, so
that ho may run that reads. The dy
ing thief saw that truth at the opening
gates of Paradise, a fuller, deeper
truth than all the philosophies and re
ligions of the world could bring to the
most ardent students. There is no
surer evidence of human ignorance and
folly than the determination to believe
nothing that we cannot fully fathom.
As well might an insect try to fathom
the ocean with one dip of his proboscis,
as for one of us to sound the nature of
God, or of eternity, iu the brief space
of a human life. Behold the consider
ation of God in telling us, so simply
and yet so clearly, all we need to know ;
and telling it in such a way that it falls
into the heart as easily as light through
a window into your dwelling, if you
will only make your heart walls trans
parent with sincerity. Cook.
Judicious advertising brings success.
At the opening of each year at Mt
Ilolyoke Seminary, while Mary Lyon
was at its head, her first work was to
call around her the professed Christians
among the students, to impress upon
them their responsibility in reference to
their influence over their unconverted
companions, to encourage them to con
secrate themselves afresh to the Mast
er's work, and to secure their prayers
there was a slight fall of snow. In the
basement of the building an Italian
gentleman has a fruit store. Shortly
after six o'clock this morning he had his
outside wares in a line of display.
Peanuts being a speciality with him,
two or three bushels of that article
made a tempting pile on a large stand
hue lie was making this arrange
ment a carpenter with a tool-box on
his shoulder came around the corner
and stepping on the concealed ice
immediately threw his tool-box into
the street, got up himself, looked
around to see what had happened, and
then picked up his tools. This so
amused the Italian that he felt obliged
to rush into the shelter of the basement
to conceal his delight. Had he been
a native of this country it might have
suggested itself to hiin to sweep the
thin guise of snow from the ice and to
sprinkle salt or ashes upon it, but be
ing a foreigner and not very well nc
quaiued with our language, he did not
think of this, but instead he posted
himself in a position to give him a good
view of the corner and patiently wait
ed for developments. He saw them.
If his object was to get au idea of the
fullness and flexibility of the English
language he could not have possibly
adopted a better course.
Scarcely had the .carpenter gathered
up his things and limped, off when
man smoking came hurrying along.
When he reached the ice he suddenly
turned part way round, bit a briar-wood
pipe completly in twain, and slid on his
breast off' from the walk into the gutter
He got up, cautiously recovered his
pipe, and melted away. The Italian
shook all over.
Following closely after this mishap
was a laborer with a dinner kettle
When he touched the ice it was dilll
cult for the fruit merchant to determine
whether it was his feet or another part
of his person it was done so quick
The new comer appeared to suddenly
come apart and shut up at the middle
and in the same flash the tin pail de
scribed a circle of lightning rapidity
and was then slapped against the pave
mcnt with terrific force. At the same
instance the Italian saw a piece of pie
several half slices of buttered bread
two hard boiled eggs, a piece of coli
beef and a fork nnd spoon fly off i:
different directions, while a pint tin
of coffee made its appearance, and
emptied its contents in the prostrate
man's lap. While this individual was
getting up on his feet, nd securing lib
pail ami cutlery, the Italian manngtxl
to blend considerable instruction with
the amusement.
Then there came a man with s Iard
on his shoulder. lie laid down on the
board, with one of his hands under tho
board. Then he got up, and put the
injured hand between his knees, whero
he pressed it tightly, while he used tho
most dreadful language the Italian ever
heard, aud he didn't hear it all either,
being so convulsed with laughter esto
necessarily divide his" attention. -
Aud thus the performance weut on
until after eight o'chx-k. Scarcely ten
:uinutes elapsed between the ncis.
Sometimes a boy would be & hero, then
again a couple of merchants or per
haps somebody connected with a bank.
Whoever it might be he went down,
and went down hard, and tho Italian
watched and improved his mind, nnd
began to think that tins country had
its advantages as well as its disadvant
ages. It was eleven minutes past
eight when the final catastrophe occur
red. This was consummated iu the
person of a long slim man with a pic
ture under his arm, nnd a very largo
woman carrying a basket. Tho long,
slim man was somewhat in advance.
The Italian being impressed with tho
conviction that something of an extra
ordinary nature was about to trans
pire, stared with fairly bulging eyes at
the coming figure. No sooner did tho
tall, slim man touch the treacherous
spot than the venturing foot kicked
out most savagely at the atmosphere,
and his body shot round like fireworks.
I'lie picture flew from his possession at
the same moment, and being thus freed
he made a spasmodic clutch with all
his limbs at once for a place of refuge,
and in a flash his legs whipped about
a corner leg of the inoffensive peanut
stand, and the great shining yellow
pyramid followed him to the pavement.
The horrified Italian, stunned for an
instant by the enormity of the catas
trophe, sought to plunge out to the
rescue of his gopds, but. was too late.
Tho looby woman having1 rushed to
the aid of tho tall, slim man, who was
her husband, was caught herself by
the subtle foe, aud in her descent,
which was by far the most vigorous of
the series, she took in two-thirds of
the peanuts, and the crash of the de
molished fruit as she pinned it to the
walk might have been heard four
squares away.
The unhappy vender reached the
place in time to be taken in himself
and the addition of one hundred and
thirty pounds of maa'aroni-fed Italian
added to the dismal proportions of the
scene. How they got disentangled
and on their feet no one seems able to
xplain, but the result was reached
mid an appalling uproar of Italian,
nglish and feminine noises.
What a great matter a little lire
indleth. Ten cents' worth of salt
ould have saved all the misery aud
distress. As it is, Drmbury has some
twenty persons with damaged backs or
"gs, the owucr of the building has
four suits on hand for damages, the
all, slim man and his wife are confin
ed to their beds, nnd on Saturday last
the Italian was morosely sqatted along
side of the funnel of a Bteamcr bound
for Italy. Danbury News.
What is more invigorating than a
good hearty laugh ? The world is sad
and careworn enough. It learns morn
than enough of crimes and misery
through the press. All manner of do-
auchery and misfortune is served up
hot, as though about tho only thing
people cared to read was that which
would create a shudder from horror, or '
disgust at the inconstancy and weak
ness of frail human nature. It never
hurt us to laugh. We feel indebted
as much to the wits as to the philoso
phers of tho world and while we may
be able to contribute little ourselves.
we shall set apart a column each week,
to be devoted to what appears to us to
be especially amusing. It has been
said of Mr. Lineoln, that ho used to
keep one or two volumns of such
writers as Artemas Ward, Philander
Doesticks and Josh Billings, lying near
at hand, and when weary and perplex
ed he would take one up, and, after
indulging in a hearty laugh at thcirdrol
leries, resume his work.
A truckman of Louisville, who col
lided with two buggies, removing a
wheel from each, ran over a small boy
playing marbles nnd filially upset in a
building excavation, is being pressed
to go East and secure situation a: a
New York pilot.

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