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tod GOAT FARM.
Thinks Mo Can Make Fortune Selling the Milk to Invalids. RESENTS WIFE'S RIDICULE. ■ring* Horn* Thraa Animals to Start With, but They Prove to B* Bellig erent—Alimony Queetion Talked of Again. JCi'VO'rt*ht, lsws. l>y T. C. McClure.] Wheu \lr. Bowser came home In the lukldto of (tie afternoon the other day ami when following close after him came it boy ami three goats, Mrs. Bow ser would have been a very stupid wo man Indeed not to realize that there was something up. The goats were placed in the back yard, each one be ing tied to the fence at a different spot, and when Mr. Bowser dually entered the house she was ready to ask: "Well, have you broken loose again?" "Madam, I tail to understand you," lie stiffly replied. "Am I supposed to be some sort of wild animal that Is .breaking loose now nnd then?" "But you have brought home three goats?" "Yes, three goats." "And perhaps you will explain why? If you had brought three elephants or giraffes, I could understand that you OLOSE AFTER HIM GAME A lIOT AND THREE GOATS. were going to set up a zoological gar den in the back yard, but I fall to see wliere the goats come in. No boy will nay over a cent admission fee to come In find roe throe goats." Mr. Bowser flushed up. and his ears save a twitch, but he hung on to him self and said: "If you had read the news of the day lnsfead of so many love stories, you would have been better posted. Just now-.-ns you might have ascer tained, the whole world is going crazy on the subject of goats' milk. The doctors are finding it a panacea for almost every 111. Tho milk Is being given to thousands of Invalids, and •goat butter has been found the best thing in the world for people that want to build up and take on flesh." "But we have no children to drink the milk, and neither of us want to lake on more flesh," protested Mrs. "Bowser. He smiled In a superior way, and, taking a pencil and paper, he sat down and said: "Mrs. Bowser, can't you see a busi ness opening when It Is held up to your eyes? We don't want the milk and butter from those.goats, but we want the money It will bring from others. Can't you understand?" "Oh, then, you are going to open a goat dairy?" "Cm! I am going to sell goat's milk and butter. In a sense it Is the same as If I opened a drug store to sell a patent medicine warranted to be of the greatest benefit to mankind. I should not call It a goat dairy." Would Be Ridiculed. "But the public will. It won't be 'there three (lays before they will be calling you 'Goat Bowser!' That will ,be nice, won't it?" "See here, woman," he shouted, "don't you go too far in this thing! If any one calls ine 'Goat Bowser' It will be because you have set them up to do It, and I want you to understand right here and now that I shall exact a terri ble revenge." "You know I won't do any such thing, but let that go. You have the goats. Now for the profits. Let me see your figures." Mr. Bowser had to walk the length of the room six limes and back before he could overcome his emotion suffi ciently to Kit ririTvn nsynln and say: "I buy three gouts at $15 each. That's $45 capital laid .uL You can under stand that, I suppose." "Perfectly." "It costs nothing to keep a goat. There Is grass in the back yard, and the cook can throw our crumbs and bones and whatever Is left from the table. Each goat gives eight quarts of milk per day, making twenty-four quarts in all." "But they don't, Mr. Bowser; they don't. No goat ever gave that much milk. If you get three quarts per day from cach one you will be doing well. Why, It's only ft few cows that give eight quarts." "Eight quarts 11 piece from every goat, Mrs. Bowstr. You must under stand that these are not the common goats that go around eating sv/rap Iron and garbage palls. One of them Is a Corslcan, coming from the same town Napoleon <!d; another Is a Swiss from William Tell's own farm, and the third la of German breed and known a Tuggenbund. Eight quarts a day and not a drop leaa." "Well, there's twenty-four quarts a flay." "And goats' milk sells at 35 cents a quart. That gives us a little income of $8.40 a day, or almost $59 a week." "But who told you that the milk would sell at that price?" asked Mrs. Bowser. "Never you mind. I have not gone Into this thing without making all due inquiries. Goats' butter Is selling to day at 50 cents a pound, and the de mand cannot be half met. We shall make at least $5,000 a year from these three goats. Some men would be con tont to stop there, but 1 am not. 1 shall add six more goats. That will give us an Income of $15,000 a year and be something like. Now, then, am I a dead failure as a business man or do I seem to know a thing or two?" "It may come all right," sighed Mrs. Bowser. "Why. woman, what in thunder alls you? Do<|)ou want a greater income than that? If so, all we have to do is to increase the number of goats. I thought you'd clap your hands and swing your hat at my figures." - "But who's to milk the goats?" "I am, of course. I shall get up half an hour earlier every morning." "And the butter?" Making Butter. "Well, If you think it won't be a play .spoil for you to make It, then we can hire in a girl. We can let the but ter go for awhile, and you can sell the milk alone and take In the money. I should think It would be fun for you to take In $8.40 a day." Just then tho cook came upstairs and beckoned Mrs. Bowser out Into the hall, and after they had conferred to gether for a couple of minutes Mrs. Bowser returned to say: "Well, Anna wants to go." "Humph! What for?" "On account of the goats. She says she's afraid of them." "Bosh! Not one of those goats would hurt a fly. Look at them from the window here. I>ld you ever see three more peaceful animals? Why, babies could play with them." "But you can't always keep them tied up, you know. Anna says her mother lost her life by a goat." "Anna be hanged! I'll go out there and prove to her that those goats are as affectionate as three puppies. You watch me from here." Mr. Bowser hied liim to the kitchen and from thence to the back yard. When the boy led the goats in and tied them up they looked innocent hearted and seemed perfectly peace ful. What had come over them later on was hard to say, but the moment Mr. Bowser stepped into the back yard they all sprang to their feet and utter ed a whistling noise. lie left the door open behind him and advanced to give the Corslcan a friendly pat, but he never patted. With a wild rush and a bleat the goat was loose and coming for him head down. The others fol lowed suit. Mr. Bowser was turning his back on the dairy business and Its tremendous profits when the Corslcan struck him like n brick house with a second mortgage on it, and he went to grass. Then all three goats leaped over him and entered the kitchen and dining room. After a wild gallop around the room they went clattering up the basement stairs. Mrs. Bowser was equal to the emergency. She opened the front door, and, with the Corslcan still in the lead, they jumped over every chair and made off down the front steps and over the fence, and the Bowser dairy was no more on earth. Ten minutes later Mr. Bowser came limping upstairs picking the grass off his clothes. He stood and looked at Mrs. Bowser for a long min ute, and when she queried, "Well?" he said: "I will call up my lawyer on the telephone, and whatever nllmony he says Is fair I will pay you!" M. QUAD. Misdirected Ambition. The Duck—What Is that ben making •11 that noise about? The Booster—She's a suffragette, and she's trying to crow.—Browning's Mag axlne. Hop* For Him. "But," said the lawyer, "your case seems hopeless. I don't see what 1 can do for you. You admit that you beat your wife." "Yes," replied the defendant. "But my wife's testimony will discount that. She'd never admit that she was beat en."—Philadelphia Press. Easy Enough. Growelta—l certainly do have the worst luck. Howells—Well, you can change all that. Growell»—How ? Howells—Make the best of It.—Cath olic Standard and Times. ABEBDM HXBAXa, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1908. ABOUT ADVERTISING—NO. A The Hen and the Doorknob By Herbert Kaufman Once upon a time there was a fool hen who sat on a china doorknob for three weeks expecting to get a family. The only thing she did get was ex perience. The advertising field is full of "china doorknob propositions" —ex- amples of merchants who expect good newspapers to hatch money out of bad e gg business, or who put sound nest eggs under the wrono "advertising hen." There are three principles to fol low in an advertising campaign: First of all, find a business that will stand advertising; secondly, find the newspaper that will make the adver tising pay; thirdly, give the news paper time to pay. You can't start in to breed dollars in less time than it takes to hatch them any more than you can pull a hen off the nest before she has had a chance to incubate. In both cases you simply waste what has been in vested. If you stop too soon you will get a rotten egg instead of a chicken. Advertise something out of which you may reasonably expect returns, and when you have found what to advertise, take care that you place your copy in a newspaper that can turn the trick. Don't delude yourself with a china doorknob, and don't confuse a "rooster newspaper,'* which spends its time cock-a-loruming, for a "hen newspaper", that is too busy hatching out dollars to strut about crowing. (Copyright, 1808. by Tribune Company, Chicago.) CITY FIRE AT.ARM BOXES. Below Is given the location of the real and Imaginary boxes, the latter being marked with an asterisk (*): •Box No. 4—Young and Thomas, North Aberdeen. *Box No. 6—B and Cleveland streets, Highland Home. *Box No. 7—Terrace avenue and D street, High School. •Box No. B.—Burrows' Dock. •Box No. 9—Hume and K streets, Northern Pacific Railroad Depot. •Box No. 12—Boone and King streets, South Aberdeen. Box No. 16—Wilson Bros' Mill. Box No. 17— S. B. Blade Mill. Box No. 21.—Market and F streets. Box No. 23.—American Mill. Box No. 25.—Heron and F streets. Box No. 27—Fourth and O streets. •Box No. Sl—Franklin School, Market, between Jefferson and M streets. Box No. 82—Hume and H streets. Box No. 35—Anderson 4k Middle ton Min. Box No. S7-—Heron and Broadway. Box No. SB—Third and Broadway. Box No. 42—Hart-Wood Lumber Co.'s Mill. Box No. 46—Western Cooperage. Box No. 47—Hume and Washing ton streets. The imlt twlee • week tell It all. The warranted half hose for men cost you nothing if they don't give you satisfactory wear. Four pairs in a box for $1.00 A. W. BARKLEY Exclusive Agent. Colds and Croup in Children. "My little girl is subject to colds" says Mrs. Wm. H. Serig, No. 41, First St., Wheeling, W. Va., "Last winter she had a severe spell and a terrible cough but I cured her with Chamberlain'B Cough Remedy with out the aid of a doctor, and my lit tle boy has been prevented many times from having the croup by the timely use of this syrup. This rem edy is for sale by Evans Drug Co. A twice-a-week truinlyt of the hap pening* on Snn Sartor—The Aber deen Semi-Weekly lenM, (MO » year; 91.00 la time*. ■ ■■II IWI I 11 H 111, u HIM. ml. I ■ . LTwrri THE HORSE LOOKS AROUND shoeing. He'll reciprocate in better work AgL f II McBRIDE & HAMBLEN -«!■»!& Comer River and G Streets For Quality in GROCERIES see BBCKENHADER BROS. & GO. Next to Postoflice Phone274t FRESH AND JUICY PORK _y VI Is a treat on cool fall mornings and Tt, (.11 k Vk not to be dispised for the noonday lllffl Mi Ki a T* Vll roast. Chops for breakfast, or spare- W ijLl ribs for luncheon—makes your mouth flflwl' MMimil water to think of them! Prime mSMllf. pork such as we cut up and serve our customers is a delicious and I ■ ABERDEEN MEAT MARKET 111 W 104 South G. St. Tel 2731 Aberdeen Carriage Company PETER IBSEN, Proprietor GENEKAL BLACKSMITHS HORSESHOEING A SPECIALTY Wagons and Carriages Built to Order and Repaired 516 EAST WISHKAH STREET Superior Stoves and Ranges ARE THE BEST Good Bakers and Last a Lifetime SOLD BY H. L. Cook & Co. Hardware Dealers. Mill and Logging Supplies Ship Chandlery and Building Hardware. 314 E. Heron St. Telephone 1551 Established 1896 Time Tried and Fire Tested Patterson & Locke Co., Incorporated. General Insurance Agents. Telephone 791 214 G Street of our mixed cakes if you want to know what dainty baking is. Wo d °n't care how good they used to —— have at home, ours tastes better. And they are better. THEY OUGHT TO BE. / We don't do anything else bnt bake ' here, and naturally we axe experts. 7®* ] Then we use such fine materials for ~/~\ m a our ca k e * that they just car.t help MfXfp G\KIS teiag good. Want us to send you —2 — some! TOWNSEND'S Bakery & Candy Factory 112 South G Street Telephone 671 HARPER RYE) Handed down from sire to son; famous for three genera tions as Kentucky's best; famous now as the best in the world. For Sale by Fred flewett IHUMBOLDT SALOON 313 South F Street, Aberdeen, With.