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WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1879.-NO. 6.
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1
"CUT THE SPLINTERS "
The Model
j
TAILOR STORE, j
We claim for this establish- I
ment all that the name indi
. , .
eates, it has for its foundation
Î
lß(|J(n fb DCAW
JflSttil UatldUN 1
JSXYÆlUÆJrCE
TSA2ICAZ ASIZ22Y
AJV2) ME2ÎI2.
Wc have built upon this
foundation commencing with
a few samples until we have
a complete
MERCHANT TAILORING
ESTABLISHMENT.
Well stocked with all desi
-g able good s.
MERCHANT TAILOR
No. 233 Market Street.
The Great RusI
STILL CONTINUES AT THE
BOSTON
|jirç Iriec ^Uihiirg
HOUSE.
They have on exhibition the
largest and most varied line of
Overcoats & Ulsters
ever offered in this city. The
greatest wonder and novelty iu the
Clothing line is the
Heavy Eussiaa Ulsters
they are offering for 85.00—to suit
all sizes.
The custom department connect
ed with this house has made a
sweeping reduction in its prices.
The furnishing department con
tains everything iu its line, and
many beautiful things suitable for
the Christmas Holidays.
BOSTON ONE PRICE
Clothing House,
m mwm av.
V- E. HOLMES, Prop
"CUT THE SPLINTERS "
j Tl»« Awful Fix In Which a Lawrence
elf.
Voua« Man Found HI
j
A oertain young L iwrence gallant,
whose name it might not be quite the
proper thing to mention, had rather a
I deplorable ndveuture, down at Garnett
recently. As he is well known by
certain of our people, we felt that we
may mention the circumstances. It
seims that during the summer he met
and became acquainted with a belle of
the motropolis of Anderson county,
and on a recent ocoasion when down
thero he struck the happy thought
of taking 1er out riding. Bending the
young lady word, he found npou arriv
ing at her residence that promptitude
was one of her many good qualities—
she wao all ready and wuiting for him
at the stoop. We will explain, that the
reader may more fully understand the
extraordmaiy and unhappy catastrop
he that followed, that said stoop stood
a little above the level of the baggy,
and that the young man was able to
drive the vehicle immediately beside
it. Dismounting, he oalled a little
colored boy to hold hia horse, while
he assisted the young lady in. But
she, disdaining the proffered help,
with the idea, doubtless, of displaying
her fairy like agility (she waa any
Î thing but U sylph, however,) sprung
nimbly into the bnggy. Now it wasn't
an 0ttawa "»do vehicle, and the floor
1
of breaking boards, a feminine shriek,
and one hundred and forty pounds of
girl weut kicking and struggling down
through a hole in the bottom of the
buggy. We say down; but not clear
down. The hole was just big enough
to let the substantial portion of the
young lady through, but not superflu
ous clothing, and she hung there
buoyed up on u cushion of crumpled
drebs goods.
"Wboo el" ahrieked the young lady.
"Golly!" ejaculated the little dark
ey, his eyes rivaling dinner plates.
The young man btood petrified.
The y oung lady's paternal parent,
hearing the uproar, came to the door.
He gave
horrified look, and then
in very stern tones yelled out:
"Mary Ann, get out of there!"
"I can't, father," she cried, strugg
ling anew.
The young man oame to his senses.
Scrambling into the buggy, he caught
the young lady under the arms and
gave a mighty tug.
"Ouch! On stop!" she shrieked.
"What's the matter, Mary Ann?"
asked the stern parent. "Why don't
yon let him help you out?"
"Spl in-in-ters, she sobbed.
The old gentleman immediately un
derstood the situation. The broken
boards pointed downward, and of
oourse prevented the upward passage
of tqe imprisoned damsel.
Young man, get down. Here, you're
nimbler than I be, take my knife and
ont those splinters off," said the old
exoitedly.
"Oh! Naw! Go away, you horrid
young man. Papa, how can yon?"
and the damsel was threatened with
hysterics.
The old gent gazed at onr yonng
friend a moment. A light seemed to
dawn on him.
"Yonng man,'* said he solemnly,
"I'm an old fool. Yon nnhitoh that
horse and take it aronndto the stable.
Tue young man obeyed with alacrity.
In about ten minâtes the old man
oume around.
My daughter has concluded not to
go riding," said he. "You've probab
ly got an engagement down town,
hain't yon?''
Young man said he had. Hitched
on to hiis buggy, and hae never been
to Garnett since. —Ex.
The first age—frontage,
The worst age—savage.
The last age—dotage.
The most uuoertaia age—sausage.
The best age for a man—manage.
The best age for a tailor—cabbage.
The best age for a physician—pil
lage.
And so
from age to age.
Laugh and grow fat—grow fat and
get laughed at.
very few young ladies
who like a menial station, bnt did
you ever see one refuse a hymeneal.
Then.
Our rural friends have learned by
experience that when all other plans
fail, there is one thing that will al
ways work—eider.
"Ah, parson, I wish I could carry
my gold with me," said a dying man
to his paBtor. "It might melt," was
the consoling answer.
Who are the most wicked people in
the world, and why? Pen makers—be
cause they make people steel pens,
and tell them they d<Fwrite.
Jennie (looking in a milliner's win
dow)—"Don't yon think they are very
pretty?" Lizzie (whose thoughts ürc
on the other aide of the street) —"Very,
especially the one with the long black
side whiskers."
Visitor—" Can I see Dr. Jones?"
Servant—"No, sir—he's not at home,
sir?" Visitor—"Could I see his— er —
deputy?" Servant—"Please, sir, you'd
better wait till master comes home, as
I don't know where it is, and he don't
like his things meddled with!"
Everybody has read the story of
Henderson, the man who last summer
swallowed a cherrystone, which refus
ing to be dislodged, has,
stomach, grown into a e
while in his
small oberry
tree. Too man who wrote the story is
a relative ot George Washington, who
refused to out tho tree down.
Logical—Lady (to shop man, after
making him turn over all the stock (—
"There, that's txaotly the quality I
want, but it is green, a d I want plum
color." Insinuating shopman—"You
't do better than tuke this. Be
sides ma'am, it is plum color." Lady
—"What? Plum color?" Shopman—
"Certainly. Only the plums are not
ripe."
"Where's the bar?" asked a dirty
looking stranger of the bell-boy of the
hotel the other day. "What kind of
a bar?" asked the latter. "Why, a sa
loon bar, of oourse; what do you sup
E ose I mean?" "Well," drawled the
oy, "I didn't know but you might *
mean a bar of soap,"
"Waiter," he yelled with an awful
roar, "This napkih, I'm sure, has been
used before." "By four, sir, no," did
the waiter say—"You're only the third
that's used it to day."
"I had nine children to support, and
it kept me busy,''said Smith to Jones,
as they met, "bnt one of the girls got
gmarried. Now I have—" "Eight?" in
terrupted Jones. "No, ten—oonnticg
the Bon-in-law!" said Smith, with a
sigh which might have been heard
afar off.
PICTURE FRAMES.
beet Frames,
Have the latest Styles.
And sell the Cheapest,
8 cts. each.
The cheapest Mottoe Frames in the
city.
All kinds ot Fancy Paper and Sorap
Pictures for Christmas ornaments
Walnut Frames as low
-AT—
PL El ZED 3D 'S
SECOND STREET, ab. ORANGE.
All kinds of Pi cture Frames to ordor.
Cohen,
jjffmhant §nilor
AND .
pRMTïUAît mm,
Cor . 2d d Market Sts. 9
Buits made to order from &12 and upwards,
Pants 13 and upwards. Good flt guaranteed.
Cleaning. Scouring and Dyeing neatly
done.
Orders received by mail promptly attentod to.
Call at Cor. 2d and Market streets.
Also. FINE CLOTHINQ ON HAND.
Ladies Hair Emporium.
Mrs. J. PERCY,
Manufacturer of all kinds of
IIAIH WORK,
The largest Stock of HAIR GOODS iu
tho City.
11 AIR JEWELRY made to ordor at the shor
test notice,
NO. 613 MARKET STREET.
SHOEMAKER
(BY NAME)
Has The Old
MfitoUet SÜD»
Store,
No. 5 East Fourth St.
One Door Above H. F. Pickles.
Where I have put in a com
plete Slock of Fine
Work Barkkts
Wore Baskets
Work Stands
Work Stands
Fancy Baskets
Fancy Baskets
Of all kinds just thk thing for
Christmas Preseat
also a large loi of
Toj s.
DOLLS EXPRESS WAGONS VBLOOIPBDKB
DOLLS EXPRK6S WAGON8 VELOCIPHDBS
TOY WAGONS FROM Sots to $4.80
This Store is devoted to all kinds of
Holiday Goods.
MFThere will also be fonnd at my
other Store No. 403 King Street a
large assortment of Wood and Willow
Ware also Tin and Brash Goods.
J, F. SflOFMAAFX,