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HUMOROUS DRIFT-WOOD. CLEANED FROM OUR 3TTY EX CHANGES. Dlnny and the Sucker—I ternal Im provements—Why He Went to St. Joe—All Under one Manage ments—Better Than Azure Blood. Dinny and the Sucker. Dan Graball, catching up with Mr. Clover as the bunco man hail finished with him—Aha, mepoorty —it'sgamb ling yez have been, is it! Mr. Clover, with sinking heart—E-er well, yes. But it was against my will. Dan Graball, with show of humor, Ah, come off. Against th' "bunc," ye mean. But ye can rest aisy friend. I know all about it. Ye can jest be get ting ready to come down to Head quarters along wid me. Mr. Clover in despair—Oh, please don't. Please spare me kind sir. I have a family to look after; and I must—yes, really must—be getting home. Dan Graball, seemingly touched— Well, well, my man, I don't fwant to be hard on ye. But as ye know, I am a detective. And being wan, l have a jooty to perfor-rm. Mr. Clover, utterly at loss, Oh me, oh me! Dan Graball, continuing—still softer —My avocation is my bread and but ter. Mr. Clover—Oh, dear, oh dear! Dan Graball, in a reproachful whis per—And I, too, have a family to support. Mr. Clover, as a kindly ? providence lets him grasp the hidden purport— eagerly—W- would twenty dollars answer? It's all they left me. Dan Grabali. having first vouch safed a look of untold gratitude for Mr. Clover's ready wit—which obviat ed any possibility of his having to commit himself too plainly—Twenty dollars? W-well, twenty cases isn't much. But if it's all ye've got. I guess I can—on wan condition, though. Mr. Clover—Name it! Name it! Dan Graball—That ye boord th' first train out of town—and never breathe to any man, a wor-rd of th' favor I perfor-rmed for ye on this day. Mr. Clover, weeping tears of joy and gratitude—and counting out' the twenty dollars—I promise. I prom ise. And may God bless you for a kind-hearted man!—Prison Mirror. Rather Fresh on First Acquaintance. "Will you be kind enough to open the car window for us?" asked one of two pretty girls who were making a trip by rail. They both looked at the man in the seat behind theirs. "Certainly," answered the traveler, pWasantly, and he took the skin off one pair of knuckles getting the window open. There was a moment's silence, when pretty girl No. 2 said: "Its too cold; will you please close the window again?" "Don't mention it," said the man, and he closed it. There was a silence for five minutes. The man was reading a book. Then one of the girls asked: "Have you the time, sir?" "Yes; it is just 4:30 o'clock." "Tbankvou. Iwonderif thereisany water on the train?" He went into the next car and soon returned with a tin cup t attached to a clanking chain. "Oh, how nice. Susie, you drink first." "Nellie, you first." "No, you first." He patiently held the cup with a "drink-pretty-creature-drink" expres sion on his face. When they had quenched their thirst he returned the clip to its pedestal. Then he resumed his book and was deep in its contents when a small, sweet voice smote his ear. "Could you tell us how far it is to Pinktown?" He could and did. Then they asked him the rate of speed at which t.he train was running, where ho was going and where he came from. By that time they wanted another drink and he brought it, opened the window again and was just giving the genesis of his family when they both jumped Pinktown," called the brakeman, and they began a wild scramble to find their traps. "We've reached our station. It's too bad. You'll be lonesome. Would you mind helping us off with our traps?" He did not mind—indeed was very glad to see them off. As he boarded his train he iieard one sweet girl say to Lite other: "Rather fresh on first acquaintance, wasn't lie?—Detroit Free Press. Why He Went to St. Joe. A short man with red whiskers, shambling gait and the remorse of a jag wandered into tiie Auditorium last evening and asked for the typewriters' studio, lie lives in Indiana, not a million miles from Chicago, and has been here attending the i aces. Luck had walked on the same side of the street with him and he wanted to stay another week. But his wife expected him home, so he was in search of a typewriter to spnd home a letter to serve as an apology for his non-ap pearance. "Chicago, this date, ninety-one," he muttered to the typewritist. "I have that." "My dear wife." "Yea." "Very important business will re up. quire my presence in Cheboygan for a few days-" "Let's see," interrupted the artist, "how do you spell that Sheboygan?" "Spell it yourself. It's your own typewriter." - — "I can't.' "Can't spell Cheboygan?" he asked, with disgust. "No." "Then I'll go to St. Joe."—Chicago Herald. All Under One Management. Judge McWhorter is president of the shortest railroad system in the world. It is something more than three miles in length, between Crawford and Lex ington. Of this road Larry Gantt tells a good story on the judge. "Hamp was in New York a few months ago," said Larry, "and while in Col. John Inman's office he met Jay Gould. He was introduced to the wizard as the president of the Lexington Terminal. "Yes,' said Mr. Gould, T am glad to meej you. You have a nice road. By the way, Mr. McWhorter, how many miles are there in your system?" '"Nearly five,' replied Hamp. " 'All under one management ?' asked Mr. Gould, from force of habit. "And the little wizard darted under the table to save himself from being hurled out the sixth story window— Atlanta Constitution. Internal Improvements. One of the Schaumburg girls, Rebec ca, while in New York recently, be came acquainted with, and married without her father's knowledgeorcon sent, a miserable looking, spindle shanked, impecunious little Israelite named Max Rosenberg. When the happy couple arrived at Austin, and Mose Schamburg saw his new son-in law, he raved and went on like a pi rate, but he had to accept the situa tion. He, however, never lost an op portunity of telling Rebecca what a miserable little cuss her husband real ly was. "Fadder," replied Rebecca, tearful ly, laying her hand on her bosom, "Max vash not beautiful outside, but inside he vash choost handsome," meaning that Max had a kind heart. "Rebecca, you say that Max vash handsome inside?" asked Mose. "Yes, fadder." "Den why don't you turn him inside out? He vould look so much better." She Was Poetic. A year or two ago there was among the boarders at a mountain summer hotel a celebrated botanist and a certain pretentious woman who liked to appear to the guests that she was very well informed on all subjects. The pretentious woman affected to take an interest in the re searches of the botanist among the flora of the mountain. "I suppose, Mr. Caylix," said the lady, "you find almost all the mount ain flowers around here?" "I have found a great many, ma'am," said the botanist. "Well there's one kind of flower that I've read a great deal of as be ing always on the hills, and I've al ways wanted to see it. Perhaps you could pick me some." "What is it?" "The 'purple gloaming' you know!" Chicago News. Setting It Right, A country doctor arrived in town the other day, accompanied by his groom, and went to purchase a horse. The dealer however, failed to persuade him to buy theammal. As he return ed home the doctor said: "Ah, Thomas, that man tried to take me in; but lam not such a fool as I look, eh?" "No, sir," replied the groom, "that you are not." The doctor looking round rather suspiciously, Thomas felt he had said something not quite right, and, touch ing his hat, added: "Beg pardon, sir, I mean you hadn't need to be." The Last Stage, Mrs. De Fashion.—"My dear, late hours, late suppers, and general so cial dissipation, have ruined your con stitution." Miss De Fashion, belle of six sea sons—"I know it, ma." "And your health is miserable. "Yes, ma." "And you are losing your beauty." "It's all gone, ma." "It really is. And so is your plump ness." ' "I'm nothing but skin and bones." "There's no denying it, my dear. You area mere wreck of your form er self." "Too true." "What are you going to do about it?" "Get married."—New York Weekly. Better Than Azure Blood. Pater—So you don't like Mr. Falir weste? Daughter—I don't. He's too coarse. I don't believe there's a drop of blue blood in his veins. Pater—Never mind that. He's a mine owner, and the contents of his veins are ores that assays twenty thousand to the ton. Daughter—I'll wed him.—Pittsburg Bulletin. Modesty Shocked Again. "My! There's another awful row at Asbury Park." "What is the trouble now?" "Some people has been sailing a boat with a leg-of-mutton sail right in in plain view of the people on the beach."—Indianapolis Journal. OUR YOUTHFUL READERS. MATTERS OF PARTICULAR IN TEREST TO THE YOUNG. Tricks With Toothpicks—A Camp Bed—Not Butter—A Little Nan ny-Goat—Tackled the Ghost. Tricks With Toothpicks. Tricks with toothpicks? Why, cer tainly, and good ones, too. And, bet ter still, anybody can do them—after learning how. Here is one that will puzzle old heads ns well as young. Take the picks and form them into P ' nine squares, when they willlooklike theannex —r- ed diagram. Then ask your triend to remove —I—_ eight picks and leave ; only two squares in L I I stead of the original If the trick is correctly donethe eight picks bordering on the big out side square will be taken away and the solution will be seen in the second diagram, which is here given. THE THREE SQUARES. 1 Another little puzzle in known as "the three i i squares." First form the picks in the aeeom- - panying diagram and then request your _ friend to remove three picks and leave but three squares. He will undoubtedly ponder over the problem for a —! long time before he hits upon the proper combination. It can only be done m one way, and that is to take up the central pick in the lower row and then remove the two picks in the upper left hand corner. Then the squares will appear ns in tiie fourth diagram. TRIO OF DIAMONDS. Another pretty but _ mystifying trick is > styled "the trio of dia- j monds." It is rather unfortunate in name, j as it gives a slight cue as i to the manner in which the puzzle is done. The problem is to make four I squares, as in the fifth diagram, and to change the positions of lour picks, leaving three squares instead of four. I-1 These must all be joined together as at j first, and be of the same shape and size. -j-1 Although this appears easy to solve, yet many !_' people will find it to be a perplexing proposition. The fifth diagram, how ever, shows all you have to'do: Take the two toothpicks from the upper left hand corner and place them in thesameposition at the upper right hand corner; then remove the two picks from the lower right hand ner and place, them with the two oth ers at tiie upper right hand corner. I <M A Camp Bed. My latest, device, suitable for all service, has been made up as follows: A mattress body, made up of a piece of "hair boiler felting," 5-8 to 3-4in. thick, 6ft. long and 2ft. care being taken to procure felt ing not odorous with common glue, or else the odor is very lasting. This is cased in ticking of good quality, to prevent any stiff hair from working through, tied 5in. apart, mattress iashion, and inclosed in removable slip and washable calico. If preferred, the mattress can be in two parts 3 to 3*. 2 ft. long, as it is the shoulders and hips that require protection, and one piece will answer when portability is an object, or a friend can be accommodated. The lengths of mattresses, of course, are to be proportioned to the persons using them, but don't get them too wide, and more, I do not advise double widths, as usually a person is more comfortable sleeping alone, while two mattresses can be joined if desired. A pair of narrow, long, double blankets and a small thin pillow complete the bed proper. Some way my ears could never be induced to fit properly in the seat of a saddle or the inequalities of a folded overcoat, and a sun-burned neck does not rest comfortably in a coil of rope or block of wood, as I have used and seen used on many occasions. Next have made, or rather have it made first, as it is indispensable, a sheet 7J.j to 8ft. square of light water roof duck, the same as is used in the est canvass hunting suits, and also a sack of the same material 18in. long and 12in. wide, the latter to act as a receptacle for extra clothing, toiletar ticlesand the cetera« al ways requisite, to be used as a supplemental pillow also. In packing the articles, the canvass is spread out and matress thrown in the middle, blankets folded in quar ters and placed at the head of mat tress, with pillow and sack on top. Then fold tiie canvass sheet carefully and roll the package, commencing at head, into a neat and compact, a bun dle as possible, securing it with two straps made up in shawl-strap man ner. A light dog chain around the whole, with padlock, passes it as chekable baggage on all railroads with which i have had dealings. Thus you have all your belonging in one bulk, free from rain, mud, dust wide, ~-,-from rain, mud, dust and burrs, and ready for boat, wagon or pack, excellent as a substitute for a stool, and with partial opening of the roll it gives a comfortable place for a siesta. At night place the mat tress near one end of tiie canvas, so the loose part can be drawn over in case it is needed to keep off dew, rain or wind, for it will have to rain very hard indeed to run the sleeper out, MHÉttfMli place for a bed Has been chosen, slightly elevated a so water will not run under it, and the canvass is properly tucked at foot and side. Give your bedding all the air and sunshine possible, and if you section where ticks, bedbugs t pests of a biting nature abound, sprinkle a quantity of insect powder over your bedding when rolling it, and you will not be troubled at night. Of the many uses that can be made of the canvass sheets it is needless to speak, as they will at once be ap parent, so I will finish with one word of advise: As you have a place for all your tricks and traps, keep them in it and don't disturb your mates by al ways looking for something.—Forest and Stream. are m a or other Not Butter. A bright woman, who makes it a point to find out in what subject the person to whom she is introduced is interested, and to lead the conversa tion speedily to it, had an amusing experience, which she relates with great glee. A dinner was given by an intimate friend, and she whispered hurriedly to her hostess, who hail in troduced lier to a pretermituraliy grave man who was to take lier in to dinner. "What does he like to talk about best : "Butter!" said the hostess' lips, with a meaning smile. It seemed a strange subject, but the tactful guest brought the conversa tion around to it, and as she after ward said, "talked ns f to know good butter when one saw and tasted it was one of the most important things in the world!" Her companion did not seem inter ested, and the conversation first dragged and then came to a stop. An other effort, and then the lady give up the task, and devoted herself to her neighbor on the other side. Tiie "butter" man was obliged to leave, pleading another engagement, the moment the dinner was over, much to tiie evident regret of his host ess. "It's too had lie could not stay longer, and talk to us," lamented the hostess to her friend. "He's such a charming man. 1 knew you'd be just the one to get him in a good mood for talking, and then 1 thought we could all reap the benefit." "Charming! That man!" repeated the guest. "Why, he scarcely opened his mouth though I racked my brains to make the 'butter' question attract ive!" "Butter!" ejaculated her hostess in dismay. "I said 'Buddha!' I supposed of course you knew lie was a high au thority on the subject? What must lie have thought?" "I fancy," replied her friend, dryly, "that he thought he iiad hold of an advance agent for some agricultural show."—Youth's Companion. A Little Nanny-Coat. A small girl—a very small one—who did not shine particularly in the way of goodness, was attended by a nurse maid who was a simple, honest, religious girl, always mindful of her duty; and this duty, she felt quite sure, pointed to the reforming of the littlq heathen committed to her charge. On Sunday afternoons she often took Miss Nellie to a meeting that was held in the basement of some place of worship, and the surroundings were very plain and doleful, but the preach er was an earnest inan, and, to Hnnnah's great delight, her young lady listened to him with much attention. The words, "Now, my hearers, I will give you a little anec dote," were frequently used, and then would follow some incident by wayof il lust ration. Nellie always looked so ex pectant at this announcement, and lis tened with such eager attention to what followed, that Hannah's heart bounded for joy troublesome child to lind that the was so seriously im pressed. Her eyes filled with tears, and site failed to notice the look ol disa pointmeut that spread itself over the small maiden's face after each anec dote. Finally the pent-up feelings came to the surface; and one afternoon they were walking home, Nellie indig nantly exclaimed, "That man's an awful story-teller, and I sha'n't go there any more!" "Tut, tut!" Baid the horrified Han nah; that's very wicked, Miss Nellie. What ever makes you talk so?" "Cause he is. He's been ns saying ever so many times. 'Now my hearers, I'll give you a little nanny-goat'; and he never gave anybody b'lieve he sgot any."—He People. ono! I don't arper's Young Tackled the Ohost. A young man who was a servant at a farmhouse in a very wild district in Sussex, was sent one night with a message to Burwnsh. He was warned before he started that a ghost was very often seen near a stile which he had to cross. He accordingly took with him a middling sized thick stick, and said that if any ghost interrupt ed him he would, by the help of his "bat," try and find out what a ghost was made of. As he got near the stile, he duly caught sight of the ghost in front of him, glaring fiercely out of the hedge. lie put down his basket, walked boldly up to the place, and with his "bat" struck out boldly. He owned that be then felt a good deal frightened, for no sooner iiad lie struck than flames on all sides came flying past his head. However he held his ground, and then discovered that he hail smashed into a hundred pieces an old rotten tree stump, which had dried up into touchwood, and tiie phosphorous in wiiich »bone with such mysterious brightness in the dark. SCIENCE AND PROGRESS. USEFUL DISCOVERIES BY MEN OF GENIUS Changes In the Sun—A New Light house-Preparation of Blue Prints—Watoh Making In Franoe —The Boomer rang Myth. Changes In the Sun. But we cannot rest with the as sumption that, since the sun is evi dently no Mira and no Sirius, there fore it is practically an unchanging radiator which for an indefinite period will continue to cause the earth to bloom in tiie beneficent effulgence of its life-inspiring rays. A sun may ef fect the welfare of its planets either through the gradual mutations which it undergoes in the course of its evolu tion, or through the more rapid and violent changes that characterize ttie stars that ure ranked as variable. Wo have seen that most of these hitter belong to the third and fourth classes, but there is reason to suspect that the majority of all the stars are vari able to a slight degree, and evidence of variability in the case of the sun is furnished by the phenomena of sun spots. A spectator, viewing the sun from a distant point in space, would perceive that its brilliancy was slightly increased once m about every eleven years. These se cessions of light should correspond, not with the periods of fewest spots, but with those of most spots, because the energy of the sun's radition is greatest during the maxima. At pres ent a sun-spot maximum »approach ing, and since last winter the face of tiie sun lias frequently exhibited startling indications of the tremend ous disturbances now affecting the solar globe. Our imaginary observer in space would probably behold at the present time a very slight increase in the sun's brilliancy, and this in crease may go on for three or four years to come. White we. dwelling up on a globe that is bathed in the sums rays, may be unable to perceive these variations directly, yet their effects have long been recognized by the changes that thev produce in ter restrial magnetism. It is also highly probnble that a perceptible influence upon the weather is exercised by variations in solar radiation corres ponding with the presence or absence of sun-spots.—The Popular Science Monthly. A Now Lighthouse. Mariners on the Pacific coast are re joicing over the rapid progress of work on St. George lighthouse and fog-sig nal station on Seal Rock, about eight miles from the shore of fiel Norte County, Cal. This point is one of extreme danger. The deep channel between the reef and mainland is filled with treacherous rocks, submerged beneath rapid and powerful currents. In winter the shores are lashed with huge making the scenery the grandest the coast. It was here that the ill fated Brother Jonathan went down a few years ago with its freight of hu man beings and gold and greenbacks. The lighthouse was begun ten years ago, but, owing to the difficulties en countered and the which Congress made proceei n cutting off the top of the rock for the foundations several lives were lost, and in the rude winter storms the fruits of a summer's hard several blocks used in haveto be brought from Mud River, near Trinidad. In their originnl form they are huge boulders, which have to he blasted. These are taken to Trini dad, cut to the desired size and form, and transported by the schooner ffimol to the lighthouse. 8he anchors off the rock in 120 fathoms of water, being made fast by four huge rabies on each side. 'Fliese are anchored to the rock and to sunken anchors. A derrick is raised ainidship, the granite blocks hoisted in strong nets to the top of th n masts, enrried to the rock on a line attached to n derrirk on the pier, and placed in position, one is marked, and so carefully has it been cut that there is not an eighth of an inch between it and its neigh bors. Although the tower now is forty feet above the water, the workmen constantly drenched. The fifty-three men now employed will have the stone and brick work done by September. Hie number will then be reduced ten, and t hey will complete the iron work, which is being made in Trenton, N. J. When finished the lighthouse will lie 1 40 lent above sea level and cost $750,000.—New York Evening Post. near the Oregon line. waves, on slowness with iriat ions, ast as it approt d ns I work did not ougnt. toil swept 'Hie the construction were t i mes. away granite Each M 1 to The Boomerang Mvth. amusing to people know Australia and the aborigines, says an old Australian in theHt. Lou is Globe-Democrat, to read in maga zines and newspapers scientific disser tations on the construction anil pe culiarities of the boomerang, based, I suppose, on the tales of travelers. None of the t.lieorizers seem to have found the most obvious explanation— that tiie travelers are simply romanc ing. Tiie fact is thnt the boomerang is the black fellow's tomahawk. Sharpened on the outer edge and made of iron-bark wood, it is indeed a dangerous weapon as a club or a hatchet. I have lived for twenty years in Australia, and have hunted for days in the bush with parties guided liy ab original blacks. Not oven the all-po tent inducement of brandy or rum will persuade u black fellow to give an ex it is who hibition of bin skill with tha boome rung, for tha plain and sufficient reason that there is no skill about it. The popular belief that the boomerang in an expert's baud may be made to «trike an object with unfailing precis ion, traveling in a curveand returning by a circuitous (light to tile throwers feet, is pure nonsense. When a traveler says lie has seen a boomerang thrown so as to circle about a tree and strike an object be hind it, he lies; that is all there is to it. At dose range the boomerang can be thrown with effect, but more accurately than a stone. 1 have seen a black fellow administer the coup de grace to a wounded kan garoo with his bomerang, using it as a club. In certain Australian tribes the form of the boomerang is stu b that it could not possibly tat made to describe a complete curve, being aeurve on the inner side and a sharp-edged perfect right angle ou the outer. When the black fellow is at war or on the chase his killing wea(>ons are his spears— « long,heavy shaft, with a jagged point for war. and a light, throwing javelin for hunting purposes. lx ■ Watch Maklns In Franca, It apjiears from a report muile by the Besancon Chamber of Commerce on the operations of t lie French w atch industry, that the anticipations form ell in 1880 of an improving course of business were fully realized in 1800. Gut of 401,cm watches of French manufacture delivered for consump tion in l MOO—of which about BO per cent, were gold and 70 percent, silver —no fewer than 401,400 were passed by the Besancon Control Office. For eign watches to the number of 40, 011 were passed, as follows: At Hon tarlier, 32,557; Montbéliard. 10,080; Betlegarde, 3.850; Paris 2.031 ; Besan con, 002; and all other offices, 570. Of the total foreign watches, 8,515 were gold and 32,300 silver. As 2,050 out of the 2,743 gold watches passed by the Parts Control Office were of Besancon origin,! t thus appears that the extraordinary number of 404,080 out of 404,430 watches, partly consisting of precious metals manufactured in France last year, stand to the credit of Besancon. A comparison of the French watches with tiie foreign article shows that Besancon supplied 00.70 |ier cent, of the general consumption in 1800. against 80.51 per cent, in 1880, ami 85.45 per cent, in 1888.—IaiiuIou Times. Testing Diamonds In the Dark Btories of diamonds shining in the dark have always Iwen familiar, but few (lersons have ever seen this mys terious light of the king of gems. Irately Mr, George F. Kunze, the New York expert in precious stones, nas discovered not only that diamonds really do shine in the dark, but that this pro|>erty may lie used as a test to the genuineness of a diamond. In order to make the gem shine it must Ik* rubbed on wood cloth or metal. Home diamonds exhibit light after having lwen exposed in the sun shine, or to a strong electric illumina tion, and sin -e all are not thus affect ed, it was formerly supposed that property belonged oniy to particular diamonds. Mr. Kim/, however, finds that nil diamonds, of every grade a« to color, possess this phosphorescent power, while other kinds of precious stones lack it. It is accordingly possible to tell whether n gem is really n diamond or not by observing whether it can b* made to emit light in the dark. The cause of the phosphorescence of the diamond remains to be explained. the Tha Spend of Blcyolns Tha Kölnische Zeitung gives an ac count of some interesting experiments which were tried by Major Bris, tiie comrtwinder of the Militnr-Tunian stult in Berlin, in order to test the speed of bicycles as compared with that of horses, for the purpose of con veying dispatches to Berlin and Weis» sensee. 'File distances attempted were, from Btrassburg to Weisseneee. a distance of just under 24 miles, and from Eborswalbe to Weissensee, 52 miles. In the latter journey two cav alry officers rode against two infantry officors mounted on bicycles. Thu latter accomplistied the journey in 215 minutes and 210 minutes re spectively, while the two lieutenants on horseback arrived at their destin ation seven minutes before the first bicycle rider. In the shorter distance the same result was obtained, the riders arriving a few minutes in ad vance of the bicyclists. In both cases the cavalry officers only rode at a gal lop for the first 15 minutes of the jourooy while the bicyclists went at full speed all the way. Preparation of Blue Prints. In a communication to the Engi neering News, F. H. Latimer states that, he has found thnt lidding oxalic acid to the ordinary blue print mix ture materially lessened the necessary time of exposure. Tho solutions used were: (I) Ammonia citrate of iron, 120 grains; water, ono fluid ounce, to which are added a few drops of strong ammonia solution till the odor is quite perceptible. (2) Potassium ferricyanide, 105 grains; water, one fluid ounce. (8) Saturated solution of oxalic acid. Equal quantities of the first two solutions wore mixed to gether, and to ten parts of this mix ture from one to three parts of the oxalic solution are added just before use, with tho result that In cloudy weather tho solution containing three parts of oxalic acid prints about ten times as quickly as the pure solution. For ordinary purposes, however, it is better not to add more than 20 per cent, of the oxalic acid solution, or difficulty will be found in getting the lines to wash white.