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! Wit and Wisdom !
* t In the West, some twenty years ago, there lived a good man who gave up a part of his time to teach ing the Indians the Christian faith. On one of his trips he stopped at the ranch of a well-to-do and religious Swede, and requested a night's lodging. very The Swede thought a great deal of the missionary nnd disliked to offend him ; but he also disliked ex tremely having a pack o£ dirty, greasy Indians hang ing about his place, so, after much hemming and hawing, he stated his objections. "But these Indians are Christians, my good brother, and if you can't abide with them for a single night here on earth, how do you expect to dwell in heaven Mth them through all eternity?" inquired the indig w nant missionary. The Swede was perplexed, but, after thoughtfully scratching his head a moment, he said, "The Bible says that in my Father's house are many mansions, an' I tank I haf a separate house."—Lippincott's. * A Christian Scientist of Boston was praising w the late Earl of Dunmore. Lord Dunmore," he said, "was a good Christian Scientist and a good man. Tall and robust and supple, I can see him still with his short gray beard and his kind face. His only fault—a fault due to his aristocratic upbringing, no doubt—was the ex aggerated value that he set upon correctness. He in sisted on correctness in eating, in dress, in every 4 . thing. At a dinner in Beacon street, last year I heard him tell a story about an incorrect self-made man, or 'nouveau riche,' as he called him. This man was dressing one evening to go out. His wife bustled into the room before he started to 4 » look him over. But, George,' she said, reproachfully, 'aren't you going to wear your diamond studs to the banquet?' No. What's the use?' George growled, napkin would hide 'em, anyway.' "—Washington Star. ii » U My u ( 4* "I can't keep the visitors from coming up," said the office boy, dejectedly. "When I say you're out they don't believe me. They say they must see you. "Well," said the editor, "just tell them that's what they all say. I don't care if you check them, but I must have quietness. That afternoon there called at the office a lady She " with hard features and an acid expression, wanted to see the editor, and the boy assured her that it was impossible. "But I must see him !" she protested. I'm his U wife ! ff That's what they all say," replied the boy.—An » i swers. 4 * u Colonel," said the reporter, "I am told that you once made a fortune in hay. Would you mind telling me the story?" The only foundation for the story, suh," respond ed Colonel Hankthunder, "is that I married a rich grass widow some years ago, and I can lick the man that sent you to ask that question, begad, suh !" me 4 ? .. What line of goods do you carry?" asked the picious man of the private detective who had repre sented himself as a traveling salesman. "I'm in the rubber business," the latter answered, sus 4 * I got a letter from him yesterday written on a typewriter. That's too much like business. Well, he meant business. .. ' » 4 . V u ' ' 4 ? Do you think there are any great orators left?" Yes," answered Senator Sorghum. My obser vation is that great orators are nearly always left."— Washington Star. <» .4 "When Napoleon I left Elba, the "Moniteur, official organ of the restoration, marked his across the progress France with the following amusing remarks : The cannibal has left his den." The ogre of Corsica has just sailed. The tiger has arrived at Gap. The monster slept at Grenoble. The tyrant has crossed Lyons. The usurper has been seen at Dijon. "Bonaparte is advancing quickly on Paris, but he will never enter the city." "The Emperor has arrived at Fontainebleau. .. » . ff 4 . ' ' "His Imperial Majesty made a triumphant entry into the castle of the Tuileries, in the midst of his faithful subjects."—Pele Mele. ♦ The victim of the dentist held up his hand. "Doctor," said he, "before you put the lid on my conversation, will you answer a question?" Yes," said the dentist, selecting a square piece of rubber and snipping it with his scissors. Do people chew more on one side of the mouth than the other?" Sure," said the dentist, picking up the clamps. How interesting ! Which side ?" The inside," replied the dentist, slipping the rub ber dam over the verbal one that issued from his pa tient's lips.—Lippincott's. • » 44 4 4 4 * Tommy had been punished. "Mamma," he sobbed, "did you mamma whip you when you were little?" Yes, when I was naughty. And did her mamma whip her when she was little?" Yes, Tommy. And was she whipped when she was little?" Yes." Well," inquired the child, his brain cleared by the position he had just occupied, "who started it, any way ?"—Answers. 4 - 4 . .. 4 - Mrs. Gaddie—My husband's so slipshod. His but tons are forever c lining off. Mrs. Goode (severely)—Perhaps they are not sewn on properly. Mrs. Gaddie—That's just it. He's awfully careless about his sewing.—Judge. 4 - Mrs. Nuritch—I want to get a pair of swell white gloves to wear to a ball. Clerk—Yes'm. How long do you want them? Mrs. Nuritch—See here, young man, I ain't talkin' about rentin' 'em; I want to buy 'em.—The Home Magazine. 4 - Monte Deeler—Rymer, the poet, has been drawn for the grand jury. Shelley Buncum—That's bad. for inditing, you know. He has a mania 4? A Kansas butcher was somewhat surprised a few days ago to receive the following note of instruction Dear Sur, Please do not send meete yet, I have butchered miself."— from a customer: me any more The Watchman. 4 - "My son, have you obeyed my advice to be up and doing?" Yes, father. I've been up against it and doing everybody I can. v (i 4 * Proprietor of Employment Register (to seedy ap plicant)—I have a very rich appointment on my books, that of Grand Vizer to the Sultan of Morocco for any one who can first lend him 500,000 francs.— Bon Vivant. 4 * First Burglar—What's that? Second Burglar—That's my sample case. Ye see, Fve just become a house-to-house canvasser. First Burglar—What are ye sellin'? Second Burglar—Oil to keep doors from squeakin'. Great scheme, ain't it?—London Telegraph. Lawyer—I can get you a divorce without publicity for about a hundred pounds. Society Woman—How much more will it cost with publicity?—Illustrated Bits. 4 - I wonder why the snakes a man see when he's been drinking multiply so fast?" I suppose because the kind of snakes he sees are adders."—Baltimore American. .. *4 It is impossible," cried Mr. Nagget, finally, "for us to live together and not quarrel. But," snapped Mrs. Nagget, "it is possible not to quarrel if neither of us speak. "Of course, but as I say, it's impossible for us to live together and not quarrel. . > 4 - Agent—How long do you intend to remain in Washington ? Reformer—Until Congress passes a couple of ne cessary laws that Agent—Gee! You don't want to rent a house— you'd better buy one.—Washington Herald. ff + Military Doctor (to Private Jones, of the Buffs) — Well, my man what's the matter with you? Private Jones—Pains in the back, sir. Doctor (liandirg him a few pills)—Take one of these a quarter of an hour before you feel the pain coming on.—Cassel's Saturday Journal. RAILWAY TIME TABLES BOISE <& INTERURBAN RAILWAY. In Effect December 7, 1907. BOISE TO CALDWELL—Daily. Lv. Boise—7:00. *8:15. 9:30, 10:45 a. m. *12:00, 1:15, 2:30, *3:45, 5:00, 6:15, 7.30. *8.45, 10.00 p. m. Lv. Eagle—7.30. *8.45, 10.00. 11.15 a. m. *12.30, 1.45, 3.00, *4.15, 5.30, 6.45, 8.00, *9.15, 10 30 p. m. Lv. Star—7.48. *9.03, 10.18, 11.33 a. in. *12.48, 2.03, 3 18, *4.33, 5 48, 7.03, 8.18, *9.33, 10.48 p. m. Lv. Middleton—8.11, *9.26. 10.41, 11.56 a, in. *1.11, 2.26, 3.41, *4.56, 6.11, 7.26, 8.41, *9.56, 11.11 p. in. Arr. Caldwell—8.30, *9.45, 11.00 a in. 12.15, *1.30, 2.45, 4 00, *5.15, 6.30, 7.45, 9.00, *10 15, 11.30 p. in. CALDWELL TO BOISE—Daily. Lv. Caldwell—*6.30, 7 45, 9.00, *10.15, 11.30 a. in. 12.45, *2 00, 3.15, 4.30, *5.45. 7.00, 8.15, 9.30 p. in. Lv. Middleton—*6.48. 8.03, 9.18, *10.33, 11.48 a. m. 1.03, *2.18, 3.33, 4.48, *6.03, 7.18, 8.33. 9.48 p. in. Lv. Star—*7.12, 8.27, 9.42, *10.57 a. in. 12.12, 1.27, *2.42, 3.57, 5.12, *6.27, 7.42, 8.57, 10.12 p. in. Lv. Eagle—*7.30, 8.45, 10.00, *11.15 a. m. 12.30, 1.45, *3.00, 4.15, 5.30, *6.45, 8.00, 9.15. 10.30 p. in. Arr. Boise—*8.00, 9.15, 10.30, *11 45 a. in. 1.00, 2.15, *3.30, 4.45, 6.00, *7.15, 8.30, 9.45, 11.00 p. in. *Baggage and Express Trains. Connections are made at Middleton with all trains of the Idaho Northern Railway, and at Boise and Caldwell with all day trains of the Oregon Short Line. OREGON SHORT LINE. GOING WEST. Trains Leave Boise at— 8.00 a. in. Weiser Passenger — 2.10 p. m. to connect with No. 5 1.50 a. m. to connect with No. 1, "The Pony To Portland To Portland • ' GOING EAST. Trains Leave Boise at— 2.40 p. m. to connect with No. 6 2.40 a. ni. to connect with No. 2. Through East Through East FROM THE WEST. Trains arrive in Boise at— 6.00 p. in. Weiser Passenger. 4.50 a. ni. after connecting at Nampa with No. 2 4.45 p. ni. after connecting at Nampa with No. 6 .. "The Pony" .Through East .Through East FROM THE EAST. 4.30 p. m. after connecting at Nampa with No. 5.. .From the East 4.10 a. m. after connecting at Nampa with No. !.. .From the East FOR RENT 12 acres of land. Three-room house, with cellar, stable and sheds. Adequate water for irrigation. Good well'of water. Two acres in pasture, remainder in cultivation. Location—Six miles from Boise on Interur ban line. Twenty minutes ride on cars from Boise. C. K. ARXEY. SCIMITAR OFFICE 307 Overland Building. Boise, Idaho.