Twice-a-week plain dealer., May 15, 1896, Image 3

About Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
^ECLIPSE?
ROADSTER STALLION.
Eclipse is a brown horsr. standing
15J hand high, weight 1175 pounds.
He is very smooth built, has heavy
and well forinec bone and is very flne
about head and neck his feet
aud legs are of the best. He has
superior style nnd action and his dis
position could not be improved. In
short he is a perfect driving horse
and iu spite of the overloaded con
dition of the horsemarket for tlio
past few years this typo of horse has
always been sought for and have
oomiuaoded paying prices. Eclipse
iR bred from the best sons of the
Great Aluiont 33, being sired by
Athlete 715, dam Ludv Mac by Autar
Jr. 5567, 2nd dam by Morgan Rattler
and 8rd dam by Plow Hoy 200.
Eclipse has never made a cover that
did not producs a foal but as he had
never had a reason in the stud he has
a very limited number of foals but
what he has would be a credit to any
sire.
His flrst colt, (the only one he had
at that time) was shown at the How
ard Co., Pair in 1894 and won first
premium in her class.
Eclipse won first premium as a
yearling at the Howard Co. Fair iu
1892, and with his full brother then
about twenty days old, helped their
dam (Lady Muc) to win the lirst
premium offered for brood mares in
the same year.
Eclipse will be kept at the farm of
Ira Richardson, three and one-half
miles south-east of Cresco, in Orleans
twp. Winneslieik Co. Iowa, and will
stand in Cresco at the Rink Feed
Barn, Mondays and Saturdays of
each week after May 1st 1806 for the
rest of the .season,
The prospective breeder will do
well to examine this grand young
horse before breeding elsewhere.
Terms—Ten dollars to insure, ser
vice fee due when mare is known to
be in foal.
For further particulars call on or
address Alkrkd Stowkll,
Cresco, Iowa
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Hon.
The Bargain Seekers
Harvest
Having decided to build in the spring, it is
imperative that my Clocks, Silverware,
Musical Instruments and goods in every
,® department be reduced to save the cost
0) of removal. To reduce this stock
WE SHALL ABANDON ALL PROFIT
Kidney and Liver
Troubles! Use Favorite Remedy,
Says Druggist S. j. Peterson, of
flcGregor, la.
The importance of knowing just
what to do when one is atllicted with
kidney and liver diseases, or troubles
of a urinary nature is best answered
by the following letter from Druggist
Samuel J. Peterson, of McGregor, la.,
to Dr. Kennedy of Itondont, N. Y.,
the discoverer of Dr. David Ken
nedy's Favorite Remedy:
"I have never known
OB. DAVID KENNEDY'S
m?nmTr fsi
tAVUKllE IlLif
to fail in cases of kidney, liver or uri
nary coiuplatnts, rlieumitism, dys.
pepsia and blood diseases where the
directions were followed.
to the purchaser. Our way to do is to
hold nothing back. The question of
profit has exploded. The wonderful im
pulse of low prices should fill our store
with buyers.
Now is the time to buy your Wall Papers.
Our stock is good and the papers are
choice. Come and get tlieui as we aro
determined to sell regardless of profit.
|J. J. Lowry
W. A. PEFFER says:
"Letters from Jimtown is full of
practical thought on the leading issue
of the hour."
"When prices fall bulow cost the load of debt can not bo floated."
Letters From Jimtown
By WILLIAM DANA WILCOX.
This book purports to be a series ot letters from a Chicago journalist who
Is taking a vacation at his old home, Jimtown. These letters tell how the peop
le of Jimtown were converted to silver by a series of speeches and curbstone
arguments, all of which are faithfully reported. The book is illustrated with a
dozen or more outline cuts, after the oider of "Coin," and closes with what is
called "The Bimetallisms Creed." It will probably become very popular as a free
silver text book.—Little Rock /'res.c.
"Letters From Jimtown" is a new book just out, published by Charles H,
Kerr & Co., 56 Fifth Av., Chicago, 111., a copy of which has reached our desk
Its pages contain a knock-down argument and place the gold standard policy in
a ridiculous position. We take this method of thanking the publishers for the
welcome little book.—Our Populist.
"Letters from Jimtown" presents the money question so plainly that even
the simple minded can thoroughly comprehend the theories advocated. It is
•written in a style that pleases the reader and deals especially with the doctrine
Of free coinage:—Texas Independent.
It handles the money question in a masterly manner and it is done in such
aWay as to be interesting in every letter. The writer of the letters visits his
old home in the country to regain his health. lie describes to a chum the
changes that have occurred since he formerly lived on a farm near Jimtown
village. He gives the yield and prices of grain compared with former years and
the opinions of the farmers in regard to the causes of such change. Political
meetings are held and he reports the speakers. Tariff, gold basis, contraction,
"honest money," all come in for notice and each position is argued iu earnest to
give all available argument in support of the position. The book is well written
and it covers seemingly everv argument put forth by the money sharks to de
ceive the people. It should be In every reform library.—Sledire Hammer, Mead
Vlllc. Pa.
Prist 25 cents, post paid.. Address this office.
Samukj. J. Pktkrson,
Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite Rem
edy is a perfect blood and nerve medi
cine. It restores the liver to a healthy
condition, and cures the worst cases
of constipation. It is a certain cure
for all diseases peculiar to females. It
cures scrofula, salt rheum, rheuma
tism, dyspepsia, all kidney, bladder
and uriuary diseases, gravel, diabetes
and Bright'* disease. For sale by
Samuel J. Peterson, druggist, Mc
Gregor, la., at one dallar a bottle, or
six bottles for live dollars.
PARKER'S C1NCER TONIC
•femes I.ung Troubles, Dobllity, distressing stomach and
female ilia, and is noted for making :ures when all other
treatment foils. Every mother ami invalid should have It.
PARKER'S
HAIR BALSAM
Clean?ei and beantifiei the hair.
Frotnotea a luxuriant growth.
Never Fails to Bestore Gray
Hair to its Youthful Color.
Cures ic&lp disease# & hair falUnib
f0c,and jl.OQ at Druggirts
HINDERCORNS
The only sure Curef£
Coma. Stops all pain. Makes walking easy. luc« at Drugg***'
Dr. Mtlcs'PainPillsareguaranteed to stop
Headachc In 20 minutes. "One cont a dose?
(e
Hon. R. P. BLAND says:
"Interesting and valuable would
like to see it in the hands of all the
voters of this country."
VAST MAfiKET HALLS.
Tlio Pride of the City of Berlin
and. Its People.
Hot
Buyers Arc Protected by the Authori
ties Tons of Provender Inspect
ed Dally by the Food
Constabulary.
[Special Berlin (Germany) Letter]
There was a time, nnd that not many
years ago, when the market ball facil
ities of Berlin, Munich and other large
German cities were far from satisfac
tory. At that time the magnificent
market halls of Paris, especially tins
Centrale, were looked upon with envy.
To-dny Berlin is supplied with such
public halls for the purpose of domes
tic provender in a manner second to
none in the world. The immense Cen
1rnl cattle yards and abattoir in the
extreme eastern part of the city form
part of the system. The meat and
fish supply radiating thence is admira
bly adapted to all the needs of the city,
and a corps of trained nnd efficient city
employes is overlooking the manage
ment of it all cautiously watching
over the healthful quality of all ths
meat offered for sale and all the fruit,
vegetables, etc., and superintending
prompt distribution and the sales them
nelves.
Almost daily seizures of diseased
meat or otherwise unfit food are made
by these officers, and now nnd then
plots of a large description are discov
ered, severe punishment being speedily
meted out to offenders. The tempta
tion to try and dispose of unhygienic
foodstuffs is, however, so strong in a
city where meats and all other neces
saries of life range so high in price,
that new attempts of the kind are con
tinually made, and hence the watch
fulness of the city food police is never
relaxed for a moment. Every carcass,
every fowl, every fish has to pass this
official scrutiny before being admitted
to barter and sale, and each piece Is
plainly stamped with the city seal.
Only a fortnight ogo a large plot
was unearthed, in which a band of
ON TIIE WAY. TO
wholesale cattle dealers and wholesale
butchers were the culprits. Their
scheme, though a mighty cunning one,
hnd, however, been in force but few
days when retribution overtook them,
All meat, before being passed, is sub
jected to careful microscopical exam
illation by experts, and t-liat, doubt
less, is the reason why in this citv
of nearly two millions no case of triehb
nosis or other diseases consequent or,
infected or tainted meat has occurred
for some years. Supervision of food
by the authorities is, In a word, most
thorough and effective, and not a mor
sel of anything eatable is wasted on
the other hand, for even the meat
.remnants, the bits of bone and the
scraps left over from the regular sale
by the butchers are subsequently of
fered the poor at public sale—and find
ready takers.
The Berlin market halls have cost
the city nearly $7,000,000 (exactly 2",-
ss&Ssssi
EARLY ilORNI.VG IX CENTRAL MARKET
HALL.
075,776 marks), of which nearly one
half was for sites. From vhe first
it was aimed to make them self-sup
porting, and they are. For the past,
year the receipts were 2.009,0S4 marks,
the disbursements (including salaries
of ofHecrs, lighting, cleaning, disin
fecting, expert examination, etc.) 8,
413,910, leaving a balance of 1D5.1G4,
of which 134,884 went to the sinking
fund, the rest into the city treasury.
The receipts are largely composed of
stand and stall rents, to which jnust
be added quite an amount for fines.
The Berlin dealers, though at flrst they
did not take kindly to these ginnt
market halls, now like them, and de
clare they are both economical and
practical, and the public at large lilto
them still better, as in these halls they
find the greatest possible choice and
variety, keen competition among the
dealers assuring low prices and fresh
wares.
How unlimited the choice of articles
on sale is I had occasion to observe wliea
I undertook, some time ago, a visit t(
the largest of the city market halls,
the Central on Alexander platz. Who'ni
train loads of vegetables fruit, game,
fowl, fish, slaughtered meat, evi .,
rive there, many of them in the iden
tical freight ejus on board of which
they had been placed at their points of
starting apples nnd pears and
oranges from Italy, southern France,
Dalmatia fish from the Med
iterranean game from Styria and
the Alps, the forests of itussia and
the plains of Lonibnrdy young pota
toes, cauliflower, artichokes, aspara
gus from Algiers, Sevillu, Men tone,
etc. One got an idea this way how a
large city nowadays is supplied in both
dainties and necessaries by friend and
foe, by both hemispheres in fact,
mutton and beef from Australia and
Argentine were ulso among the staple
articles, and Cuba and florida had Best
Bome of the cliolce tropical fruit.
This Central market hall on Alexan
der square is an immense place, solidly
constructed—nvitli a successful at
tempt at architectural beauty—of
cream-colored briek, terra cotta, iron
and glass, and large enough to hold
some 15,000 stalls and buyers to the
number of 100,000. Being located in
the very heart of the city, it, is the spot
where the economical, sensible house
wivesof thewliole.quartermeetoncom
mon ground, and it is very interesting
to wntcli these thrifty ladies, with
their bonneted cooks accompanying
them, haggling and pricing, buying or
UNLOADING A FISH CART,
refusing to buy—in the latter ease, in
deed, it :s all the more interesting 10
the onlooker, for there the eloquence
and sarcasm of the stall-owners reach
unheard of heights.
This Central Market hall, however,
is but one of a dozen, for smaller halls
exist in every other part of the town,
even in the very outskirts. And that
this centralizing of sale nnd purchase
really lias the effect of cheapening
prices is most clearly seen by the fact
that outside the city, In the suburbs,
though rents there are much lower,
l'ood comes higher than in the city it
self. I11 one of these suburbs, though,
in Iiunimelsburg, is the greatest
geese market in the world. Xearly the
whole of Germany is here sunnHrrl
THE MARKET HALL.
..:u
iiie suuciiiint, bu-d, whose excel
lence as a Sunday roast is proverbial
in all the Fatherland. During Xovenv
bcr, for instance, geese arrive here by
llie scores of trainloads from Russia.
Poland, Galieia, Silesia, etc., and many
a wholesale dealer sells 30,000 to 40,00(1
young geese (used for scientific fatten
ing) in a single day. They arrive—I
mean the geese—lean and raw from
liiissia in November, and they reappear
juicy and tender about Christmas 011
the tables of the German paterfamilias,
having achieved a metamorphosis dur
ing that time due to careful and abun
dant diet. As to tlie merit of the cat
tle bought and sold ip the Berlin cattle
yards the facts are reversed—for
large proportion of the beeyes nud
Fwine and calves brought daily to Ber
lin from the eastern provinces of Prus
sia and from beyond the empire's
northern borders takes its way further,
to France, Holland, Belgium, England,
Municipal care, however, docs not
only comprise the marketing of food
stuff it extends to the careful exam
ination as to their quality. Food adult
teratiou is—despite the strong incest
five toward it—nowheru else so little
pruoticed as here, but this is duo
wholly to the vigilance of the city
hygiene department. A number of ex
pert chemists and hvgienists are busy
all the time examining samples of
every kind of material offered any
where within the borders of the city 0
public sale. This includes not only
milk, fruit, vegetables, but spices, cof
fees, teas, condiments, pickles, pre
serves, bread, cake, flour—in short,
everything wljich in cither shape finds
its way subsequently into kitchen and
upon the table. For the past year the
pc-rceutage of adulterations in all those
articles of food has been about two,
and of serious, more or less dangerous
ndulteratiops and falsifications about
one-half of one per cent. Offenders
have in every instance been promptly
punished, either by fine or jail, or both.
Woi.f
von
1
flip
Sciiierbrano.
Horrid Thlug.
"Ah—ura—really, you will have toex?
cuse nie," said the young man to whom
the young woman was about to seli
three tickets for a mush-and-milk sup?
per. "I have a pressing engagement,"
And he passed on.
A few minutes later and a few doors
further 011 she saw him dive into a
•'tiousers-ereased-while-you-wait" es
tablishment.
"A pressing engagement?" she mused,
"1 wonder," she continued, relapsing
from English into ehimmlefadden, "I
wonder if he was joshing me."—Indian
apolis Journal.
Will Some One Please Answer?
"There is one thing I would like to
know," said the Cheerful Idiot.
'There's a whole lot of things yotj
ought to know," said the shoe clerlf
boarder.
"What I would like, to know," con
tinued the Cheerful Idiot-, Ignoring the
young man, "Is whether the light that
shines from a cross-eyed girl's eyes
would be composed of rays?"—Iu
dianapolis Jor.rnal.
A Good Deal In a Name.
"How is your gas-meter coming on,
Jones—is it a success?"
"No, it's a failure I can't get anybody
to touch it."
"What seems to be the trouble?"
"I was unfortunate In selecting a
name, for it I must have been a fool!"
"What do you call it?"
'The Huiy Hoe.' "—Day Citv Chat.
World'* llicyclo Kfeoi\l Hrokoa.
Sun Jose, C'al., May U.— Kli Winsett
nnd .1. F. Stan- broke the world's nil
paced tandem record, making the dis
tance in l: ."i a reduction of one
and ouc-iifth seconds.
LITTLE KINDNESSES.
If you wero toiling up a weary hill
Bearing a load beyond your strength to
bear.
Straining each nervo untiringly, and still
Stumbling and losing foothold here and
there.
And each one passing by would do so much
As give one upward lift and go their way,
Would not the slightest reiterated touch
Of help and kindness lighten all the day?
If you were breasting a keen wind, which
tossed
And buffeted and chilled you as you
strove,
Till, bafiled and bewildered quite, you lost
The power to see the way, and aim and
move,
And one, if only for a moment's space,
Cave you shelter from the bitter blast,
Would you not find it easier to face
The storm again when the brief rest was
past?
There is no little and there is no much
Y/e weigh and measure and define in vain.
A look, a word, a light responsive touch
Can be the ministers of Joy to pain.
A man can die of hunger, walled in gold,
A crumb may quicken hope to stronger
breath,
And every day we give or wo withhold
Some little thing which tells for life or
death,
—Susan Coolldee.
BREAKING A RECORD.
BY ROBERT BARE,
The manager of the London & Glas
gow air line railway, Mr. Swipes, sent
mc au Invitation marked "private," say
ing that he was bound to beat the rec
ord made by the Lake Shore & Michigan
Southern railroad now that they had
come out in print about it. He added
that I10 thought record breaking in the
night time all right enough, if the
record breaker did not say anything
about it in public, but if newspaper ac
counts wero to be written then the
racc should be open to outside parties
who might wish to know the time with
out asking a policeman, lie added that
1 when tlio Xew York Central broke the
English record they did so with their
Empire State express, which anyone
could have traveled on who had the
money to pay his fare. This, he
claimed, was the right way of breaking
a record if you are going to write about
it afterward. Nevertheless bo was go
ing to follow the Luke Shore & Michi
gan Southern fashion, just to see what
his railroad could do, and he invited me,
as a person owning an American watch,
to coino upon the trip, but begged 1110
to say nothing whatever about it, for,
he said, instead of breaking the rec
ord, we might perhaps break our necks,
lie added that he regretted that he
owned only an old silver turnip of a
watch himself which wouldn't splittlie
minutes, let alone the seconds, and so
he would like to have a really good
watch with which to keep the time.
I was to meet him at the London ter
minus of the London & Glasgow- air
line at exactly 12, midnight, tlireo
weeks ago. There was some little risk
in going out at that hour, for it is well
knowu that one of the most obnoxious
nnd oppressive laws made by Queen Vic
toria herself is that every man iu Lon
don must be in his own house at S:40
o'clock, and havo lights out and be in
bed at nine. Anyone out a-fter that
hour is liable to arrest, so I stole up anfl
down through by streets and dodged
the policemen until I critic to the ter
minus. Ilcre I was amazed to find an
immense locomotive and one flat car,
with two camp stools on It.
lint this for?" I said to Swipes.
"We're going to break the record
wit.li this train," I10 replied. "I want to
have it as light as possible, for an ordi
nary carriage meets with such re« et
r.nce in passing so quickly through the
atmosphere that I concluded to take a
fieight ear, and if w*e have a smash-up
it won't be so expensive."
"Hut you don't expect me to sit on
one of those stools in the open air from
here to Glasgow?" I cried, aghast.
"Oh, that's all right," he said. "The
stools are fastened to the floor of tin
car, and I havo shawl straps with which
you "can fasten yourself to the stool.
There won't bo any trouble on that
score,"
"Where are the other fellows?" I
asked.
"There aren't any," ho answered.
"When you are going to break a rec
ord the fewer you have on board tlio
better watches differ, and it would bo
bad if there was a quarrel about, time
your watch shall be the only official
time piece in the company mine, n.s
I think I told you in the letter, general
ly loses two hours out of the 24, so I
think we had better not trust to it,"
I strapped my
sir If to one stool nnd
Swipes strapped himself to the other
and at, 12:15 wc pulled out of Marvle.
bone terminus. It was agreed that
wo
were not to begin the record until we
had passed Iligbgate, a.nd were thus
safely out of the influence of London.
The distance from London to Glns
gow is 401.5 miles. We had for engineier
l'eter McGump, who was a Scotchman,
and therefore knew the road to Glas
gow well, and IJilly Jones, of White*
chapel, did tlio firing. We had 110
brakeman, because, as Pwipes said, it
was not 011 the brakes wo were going to
depend for breaking the record.
The engine was known as the Mary
Jane, and familiar to all the operators
PU tlio yoad as "Her Golden Hair Is
Ilangin* Down 'er Back," She gets this
nickname from her great speed, and
from the fact that the smoke with the
sparks in it trails out behind like a
great- banner,
After leaving lligligatc Peter gave,
lier more steam, and the speed began to
be something appalling.
"Oh, it's nothing to what we'll have
by and by," said Swipes, as he watched
mc making an ineffectual grab at my
hat, which disappeared in the darkness.
Swipes counted (lie mile-stones while
I ticked off the seconds on my watch,
and before long wo were going 70 miles
an hour, We had the advantage over
the American road in the fact that
there are rarelv any level road cross
ings in England, and that one rail
way is never allowed to cross another
011 the level. liv the time we pissed
Toud-in-the-IIole we were doing- S3
miles an hour, but as the Lake Sliorc
train has attained a speed of 92.3,
Swipes yelled to Peter as well as lie
could to give her more speed, because
if .she didn't put in lier best licks now,
what could we expect when we came to
the high grounds and the stiff grades
of the midlands? This shouting of
Swipes, however, had 110 effect, be
cause we were going so fast that his
words never rrach.'d Peter, who stood
with his baud on the lexer,.watching
grimly Hie track in front. As Swipes
continued to shout out the mile posts,
I cried
"Hold on, it's the telegraph poles you
aro count ing,"
"Ao, it isn't," he replied, "It's the
mile posts."
"Nonsense," I cried. "At that rate,
we are going at the rate of 108 miles an
hour."
"A hundred and eight, it is then," he
said. "Stoke her up, Peter."
I then called the general manager's
attention to the fact that it was not
etiquette to tell an engine driver to
"stoke up," as that duty was per
formed by Billy Jones. He apparently
learned for tho first time that engin
eers do not do their own stoking, and
ho thanked me for the information. At
last the mile stones passed so rapidly
that Swipes could not keep track of
them, so Ave abandoned the attempt to
count them and took only the stations,
as wc had a record of the distance be
tween them. I saw now by making a
calculation between two stations that
we were going at the rate, of 100.45 an
hour, nnd my hair would have stood ou
end were it not for the fnct that it was
standing straight out behind. The
oscillation was somewhat dreadful,and
once I realized with horror as we swung
around a curve that all four wheels
were off tlio track, and that we were
flying in mid-air luckily, however, the
wheels came down on the rails and all
was well once more. By this time the
stations passed us in one continuous
streak, as if we were running through
the suburbs of a big citv, and 1
was won
dering all the time when we would come
to the town, but finally I realized that
it was impossible to keep time with my
excellent watch, and so we would have
10 lump tho thing by calculating how
long it took us to come from London tc
Glasgow. The lid of my watch, which
I now inadvertently exposed to the
breeze, snapped and blew away, and I
saw that the gold of the. hunting case
was beginning- to flake off, so I put it
in my pocket to save the rest of it. I
knew it was not yet two hours since we
left London, and to my amazement I
spied the spires of Glasgow. I recog
nized the place because I was born there.
"That can't be Glasgow," I shouted
to Swipes. "If it is we have traveled
something liko 200 miles in an hour,
and the Lord only knows what speed
we attained in making up for the time
when we were crawling on at 70 and
80."
"That's Glasgow all right enough,"
said Swipes. Then he yelled to Peter:
"1'or heaven's sake, shut off steam!
Don't you sec where wc are?"
But I'etor was struggling with liis
engine, and all at once he yelled back
at us:
"I can't stop her, sir!"
"Heavens and earth," said I. "What
is to be done?"
"I don't know," said Swipes. "It's
my own fault. I told Peter in the hear
ing of the engine, nnd she is one of tho
cutest engines 011 the road, that wo
were bound to break the American
record, which is 510 miles. You see, it-'.5
only 401.5 miles to Glasgow, and I'll bet
jou that brute is bound to do the other
109 miles to-night, even if she lias to do
it on the highway. The railway stops
at Glasgow, and I don't know what's
going to happen."
As he concluded the sentence there
was a crash and a bang, and the next
moment we were in the principal street
of Glasgow tearing along the rails ot
the street car line. Luckily, the same
law being in force as was'in London,
nobody was out 011 the streets, and so
we went at the rate of S4.73 miles an
hour up the main thoroughfare of Glas
gow and finally struck the north road
for the Highlands. Peter was strug
gling all the time with his engine, but
could not make any progress in his en
deavor to stop her.
When we got about 50 miles on the
main road from Glasgow, sometimes
slowing down to 03 miles an hour, on
the hills, Peter with a white face turned
toward us and shouting:
"My God,
sir, we're 011 the Crnigneput
tocli Loch road, and the Craigneputtoch
Loch is at the end of it about 50 miles
uhead."
"flow far is it from London?"yelled
Swipes, putting his liand-s beside his
mouth to make tho sound carrv.
"The middle of Craigneputtoch Loch
is just 510 miles from London, and it is
over 1,000 feet deep in the middle,"
shouted Peter.
1
heres where she's making for,"
cried Swipes, unbuckling the straps and
clinging to the stool.
Ihe hills now rose grandly around us
in the darkness and we saw the black
water of the loch.
"Jump, Peter, jump!" cried Swipes,
as he threw off the straps.
Peter did so, and I cut the strap that
held me. Instantly we were all—Pefer,
the stoker, Swipes and myself—lying
011 the hillside 011 the heather. Tho
doomed train had plunged right into
the center of the lake. It had com
pleted its 510-mile race and used up the
fraction by sinking 1,000 feet to the
bottom.
Luckily, none of us were hurt, in the
slightest, with the exception that
Swipes sustained a compound fracture
of the thigh, Peter had both arms bro
ken, Jones had all his ribs and one ankle
smashed, while I had my veracitv
sprained so badly that. 110 one has ever
been able to believe a word I have ut
tered since.—Detroit Free Press.
—A house is never perfectly fu.riii«hecl
for enjoyment unless there is a child in
it rising three yea re old, and kitten
rising six weeks.—Sotithev.
The Wticel and the Chair.
Tiioy ride 011 wheel thru whs built for two
hen out for a contury run,
But when he is calling they use, It Is true,
A chair that was built for one.
Chicago Post.
Comforting Advice.
First Friend—Hello, Jinks! got a bad
cold, I see. Bathe your feet in hot water,
and drink a pint of hot lemonade.
Second Friend—Inhale ammonia, or
menthol.
Third Friend—Take four hours' active
cxorcise in the open air.
Fourth Friend—Put on all the winter
things you've got, and cpend half a day
sawing wood.
Sixth Friend—The best cure I know
for a cold is to get drunk.
Jinks (with emotion)—A friend in
need is a friend indeed. Let's take a
drink.—X. Y. Weekly.
Violated Instructions.
Irate Patron—You advertise to cure
consumption, don't, you?
Dr. Quack—Ye."., sir. I never fail when
my instructions arc followed.
1 lute Patron—My son took your medi
cine for a year, and died an hour after
the last dose.
Dr. Quack—My instructions were not
followed. I told him to take it two
years.—'Titbita.
EGYPTIANS OUTDONE.
Toledo (O.) Undertaker Who Boba
Up as an Embalmer.
His Process Said to Producc Results That'
Would Have Caused Anclcnt Dwellers
of the Nile to Turn Green
with Envy.
Toledo scientific men. and the local
medical profession are all agog over a
successful experiment of Karl Matheis,
a Toledo undertaker, in preserving a
dead body. The undertaker claims that
he has outdone the ancient Egyptians
in the art of embalming and mummify
ing a corpse,and the result goes to prove
his assertion. Six weeks ago, Albe C.
Weeks, a. Warren (X. II.) consumptive,
died suddenly on an incoming Wabash
train. The remains were turned over
to Matheis and the latter was in
structed by relatives to prepare the
body for burial. He first embalmed the
body, then suspended it on a lattice
work cot, which he hung over a fur
nace. 1' or six weeks, the remains hava
been subject to heat ranging from 70
to 90 degrees. The body is now mummi
fied and yet retains all its individuality.
The. skin is like leather and the flesh,
muscles nnd internal organs have be
come like stone. Xot an offensive odor
has resulted from the experiment. The
mummy will be shipped to Xew Hamp
shire in a few days. Scientific men say
that the experiment has been a perfect
success and that neither light nor air
will affect the body. One peculiar
feature is that the human eye can look
through different parts of the anatomy
and the bones, joints nnd muscles can
be plainly seen through their covering
of hardened skin and flesh.
TO TRY AN OCEAN TOW.
Lake Freight Methods to Be Tested on
tho Atlantic.
The Standard Oil compai^- during
the early summer montlis will make an
attempt to tow a barge across the At
lantic ocean from either Xew York or
Philadelphia to some English port,
probably Liverpool.
This is a common method in tho
freight carrying business on the great'
lakes, but it will be. the first attempt
ever made to send freight in that man
ner across the ocean.
Tho Standard Oil company has been
considering the practicability of tho
scheme for about, four years. It is led
to make the attempt by the success of
two of its ocean going barges in the
coast trade. One of these, Xo. 5S, will
be sent across the ocean.
The barge is 250 feet long, about 40
feet- beam, and draws I ays feet of water.
It is fitted with 12 tanks, each separat
ed, so that- if need be 12 different oil
products might be carried.
Each of these tanks will hold about
1,250 barrels,giving for the whole barge
a carrying capacity of 15,000 barrels,
which would make a total of 750,000
gallons. The tank steamship Lacka
wanna will tow the barge, and itself:
will have a capacity of 1,SOO,OGO gallons.
The burge does not look much like the
common, broad nosed, shaliow woodenj
boats used for towing in the harbor,
but it is itself a rather handsome look
ing ship. It. is calculated that in case
of necessity its sails could carry it to
a place of safety. It is fitted withj
steam steering gear, windlass, and
hoisted, and will carry a crew of about
11 men.
A new device will be employed in the
towing- gear aimed to lessen the strain
on the cable.
TTc picl.-cd tlio Vermel up in haste,
Knowing he
IkkI
1
to Sprint.
no time to waste
And ran from store to heme—a miio—
For fear it would go out of style.
—Truth.
l'Ulit) I'KOJI S^LVIiiliXESS.
"Be assured, sir, that in loving your
daughter 1 am wholly altruistic. Her
dowry is nothing to me—it will go to
my creditors."—Fliegende Blaetter.
Gladness Comes
Wtransient
ith a better understanding of the
nature of the many phys
ical ills, which vanish before proper ef
forts—gentle efforts—pleasant efforts—
rightly directed. There is comfort in
the knowledge, that so many forms of
sickness are not due to any actual dis
ease, but simply to a constipated condi
tion of the system, which the pleasant
family laxative. Syrup of Figs, prompt
ly removes. That is why it is tho only
remedy with millions of families, and is
everywhere esteemed so highly by all
who value good health. Its beneficial
effects are duo to the fact, that it is the
one remedy which promotes internal
cleanliness without debilitating tho
organs on wdiieh it acts. It is therefore
all important, in order to get its beue
lieial effects, to note when you pur
chase, that you have the genuine arti
cle, which is manufactured by the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co. only and sold by
all reputable druggists.
If in the enjoyment of good health,
and the system is regular, laxatives or
other remedies arc then not needed. If
aiHicted with any actual disease, one
may be commended to the most skillful
physicians, but if in need of a laxative,
one should have the best, and with tho
well-informed everywhere, Syrup of
Figs stands highest and is most largely
Ufied and gives most general satisfaction.