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Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, August 23, 1910, Image 3

Image and text provided by State Historical Society of Iowa

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn88059319/1910-08-23/ed-1/seq-3/

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Nothing Ok*
It pat
la m4 condition. (m
Um km
Too cannot make a deed of love
look small.
Tour prayer means business wben
you let busy.
Tbe growling seldom comes from
the Hon hearted.
Rockets always upbraid tbe stars
for toeing so stolid.
When a man has a cause in bla
heart It will get to his muscles.
The thing thatkeeps many out of re
ligion Is that we make it so petty.
Tou can never keep beauty on your
face and hide the beast in your heart.
Much of our good would be a great
deal better if we made less fuss about
The first thing others see In you is
the thing you think you have hidden
Some Imagine they have wings be
cause they are blown about by their
W N an is so in to is ha
piness as he who will not» see an
other's sorrow.
A good many men are carrying.
loads on their consciences that belong
to their llvera. ^••'-''•*7-,
It'a a, queer conceit that regards a
dime dropped into the plate as a dol
lar laid up in glory.—Chicago Trlh-
•Who -was it said, 'Life Is Just one
d— thing after another?"
"Probably a fellow who saw a
'snitch' trying to catch a 'blind
toward accumulating something for the
future. The times were never more favor
able, and no income is so small that some
part of it caunot be put aside for future in
vestment. Make your start now while
you are prospering. The time may come
when a little ready money, together with,
your "bank credit," may be worth many
times the amount .of your systematic ac
Your account will receive careful at
tention at the
..Dealer in
The man who la always asking fool*
feh questions approached the tough
looking citizen who was sitting on the
steps of his shanty nursing a sore
"What's the matter with your head?"
asked Mr. Buttln.
"Depression In It," was the laconic
"What kind of a depression?"
"Business depression."
"H'ml That's a queer place for a
business depression. How did you
get it?"
'"frying to meddle in other peo
ple's business. Now, trot on, stranger,
before you get one of those depres
sions yourself. They are catching."
And \}r. Buttln "trotted."
Mrs. Dewtell—What Is that pleeo
that Kitty Is singing?
Mr. Dewtell—It's either an aria from
"Parsifal" or sh*1 has seen a mouse and
fa scared.
Furniture. Carpets and Mattings]
Dr. JohnJ.CIemmer
Undertaking in All its Branches
Martin Building
UJ- -. t,
Gold Filling $1.50 up
Silver Filling 75c
Cement Filling 75c
Gold Crowns.... 5.00 up
Porcelain Crowns 5.00
Bridge Work $5 a tooth
Plates 7.50
-V' •f*o^L ^s~
ii i"
HEODORE resolved that he
must hie to the shed in the
gulf dunes, complete the flying
machine and bring it to the
notice of the world in spite of the en
mity of Mr. Shayne. upon which he
now confidently counted. He must—
"I know," broke In Mr. Cralgbead,
gazing at the celling through wreaths
of smoke. "the yearnings of your sub
tropical Alabamian system. But be
practical. You come to this emporium,
of which, alas, neither of us is fated
to be an alumnus, and you find me in
fine fettle save that 1 am nnrelated to
tbe world. 1 am an Antaeus, with no
Immediate prospects of getting my
tootsies to mother earth a storage bat
tery as big as Pike'* peak, but Insu
lated from tbe mass of demagnetized
humanity a great force for a number
of things, with no way of proving It.
What do you do? You make a profes
sion for me. I was naught, not to men
tion naughty. What am I now? A
great personal injury lawyer, devel
oping into a prosperous ambulance
chaser. I was out of touch tflth the
world of finance. I have now'laid the
foundation for the organization of tbe
great Carson-Craighead Aeronef cor
"What do you mean?" ejaculated
"What I say! What I say! Through
a long, colonnaded, perlstyled vista of
marble and onyx 1 can see nailed to
the back fence tbe hide .of Mr. Flnley
"But I have no clothes," Carson
"Clothes!" scornfully repeated Craig
head. "What are they? Merely woven
fabrics to fill bags to secure credit
withal at hotels. And you need no
credit for this room Is mine for tbe
whole term. of tbe treatments paid for
by some one into whose company I
dropped or rose during my last shore
leave from the good ship Lithia, but
by whom I have no idea. Clothes, in
deed! Scat!"
"But It's cold here," persisted Car
son, feeling helpless In the tolls of this
terpentine logic. "I'm not prepared for
this climate."
"Look abroad!" commanded Craig
head, witb'a gesture toward tbe win
dow. "The sun beats down upon tbe
-last remnants of the snow, and the lit-,
tie brooks give tbe glad ha-ha to tbe
river and send down the silky billet
doux of the catkin to remind him that
they've busted loose and are burling
themselves Into his arms. Why, darn
you. it's spring! And you can Btay
right here—steam heat, bath, hot and
cold water, padded cell in connection—
oh, fair youth, I love thee! Let me
finish bunkoing Mr. O'Grady and start
the Aeronef company. Don't be a
"You know how I feel about those
damages, but If I could get the capital
for the aeronef—
"Why, you don't doubt my practical
genius, do you," queried Craighead In
astonishment—"In other people's af
fairs, I mean, of course? Why. sir, if
!n view of my failure with my own 1
can't handle other people's business
then what becomes of my ability? I
tell you, haughty southron, I'm good
for something! I have found a billion
aire, and you shall meet him."
All that day Carson watched Craig
head. From a trunk covered with the
labels of foreign travel Craighead took
sheet of cardboard and painted upon
It an elaborate sign which bore the
legend, "Craighead. Attorney and Coun
selor at Law." This he fastened out
side the door, chuckling from time to
time as the passersby paused as if to
read it. After awhile he added to it.
"Personal Injury Cases a Specialty."
Craighead went out late and brought
back several legal looking books, which.
he ranged upon tbe dresser in dusty
formldablllty—an old set of Illinois
statutes and a tattered Broom's "Le
gal Maxims," from which be read
unctuously such Latin aphorisms as'
"De minimis non curat lex," "Falsus
In uno. falsus In omnibus," and the like,
and lectured upon them very Informa
tively. The remainder of the library
consisted of a ten years' file of Mar
tindale'a Legal Directory, containing
nothing more authoritative than llsta
of the world's lawyers.
'Where did you get them?" asked
"Secondhand man," replied Craig
head, "on approval. We must keep up
appearances even if we have-to buy
They went out for a walk to give
O'Grady a chance, as Craighead ex
pressed it, to see what he was up
against, a statement that mystified
Theodore greatly.
On their return Mr. O'Grady seemed
to have been wrought upon by what
he was "up against." for he asked Mr.
Craighead if be would be so good as to
give him a few minutes. Mr. Craig
head looked at his watch, pleaded lack
of time and asked Theodore If their
business could wait. When Carson ad
mitted that it could O'Grady said
"Thank you, sir," In the tone of a por
ter accepting a tip.
What under heaven bad suddenly
raised the expelled Craighead from his
despised position In tbe Institute to a
thing to Inspire terror and panic Theo
dore could not Imagine nor guess tbe
reason for Craighead's sardonic laugh
ter as he sft in their room drawing In
dictments against O'Grady and With
erSpoon. He saw, however, that these
were awesome documents, which set
forth in a large, round hand that these
gentlemen bad been guilty of obtain
ing money under false pretenses, false
Imprisonment, malicious assault and
tbe like, all done "feloniously, of mal
ice prepense and aforethought, not
having tbe fear of God before their
AC A Romance
Of Flying
Copyright, 1909. by 1» Bobbt
Merrill Company
eyes, but instigated tbcrnnnto by tbe
devil," and "against the pence and dig
nity of tbe state of Illinois and con
trary to the statutes In such ensns
made and provided."
"Theodore, when we return." said
Craighead, "this room will be full of
corpses knocked stiff by these Im
peachments of O'Grady and Wltlier
spoon. Take the spoor of the billion
aire. Hike—oh. hlke^—with me!" Tlioy
crossed a dim field, followed a fnrm
road and came back into Mm village
from the opposite side. CrnigheiHl
hurried Carson to a broad porch under
tall elms and maples knobby with
swelling buds. He piisbod button,
and they waited.
At slow steps in the bnll Craighead
squeezed Carson's arm spasmodically..
The door opened, and a low figure
stood before them In which Theodore
noted something familiar, and a voice
not altogether strange, he thought, in
vited them Into the "other room."
"Mr. Carson," said Mr. Craighead,
"does not recognize in our host the
erstwhile guide of my wnnderiug and
wabbly feet. Mr. Carson, in your new
and fully established capacity as a re
spectable citizen let me present you to
Mr. Waddy, to whose counsel, precept
and example while acting as my at
tendant I feel- myself Indebted for my
complete restoration to Phillstlueliood.
Mr. Carson. Mr. Waddy!"
Mr. Waddy, ignoring this relntroduc
tlon, led them silently down the hall,
past a door, which gave forth scuffling
sounds, female voices and the peeping
of young chickens, and took them Into
a snug den, the shelves of which were
covered with books—tall. Imposing,
learned looking tomes in time dark
ened bindings—where they sat down in
leather covered chairs gray with dust
"So you did reely drop Into the gar
den?" their host finally asked.
"Yes." answered Carson. "I think It
was foolish to take the risk, but 1 did."
"Why?" queried Waddy, and Carson
"Boy foolishness," said Mr. Waddy,
and silence fell again, broken at last
by Theodore's inquiry as to whether
Mr. Waddy was active In eight banks
and If he did not find his duties Irk
"No." replied Waddy. "The things
growed up on me. I never wanted to
be a banker, but my rents kep' loadln'
me up with deposits, an' I sort of got
one bank after another—darn It!—coun
try banks—the boys run 'ein. I came
here to have a quiet time In my own
way, an' see how I make out. They
wanted me to put on style. They reck
oned 1 was going to wben I bought
tbl3 place. 1 could slick up an' go to
stockholders' uieetin's, au' the boys
never knowed. An' Jest as 1 got things
right Caroline's man dies, an' here she
comes to 'take care' of me! I shan't be
allowed to earn a cent by workin' for
Wltberspoon, an' it brought me into
such society Them Jags is mighty nice
fellers, some of 'em."
"I thank you," said Cralgbead, with
sn excess of manner. "And us for your
being condemned by fumily pride to
sterile tiselessuess, it is truly a shame.
But is Caroline a relative?"
"Unly daughter," answered Mr. Wad
"Come to live with me. 8ettiu'
things to rights."
"Mr. Waddy," said Craighead, "bear
up under this. It may be for the best.
And let us take up Mr. Carson's great
project for monopolizing aviation. I
have long believed that some one
would turn up with the machine to
subordinate all others, but since the
time of Snntos-Duinont, Farniau and
tbe WTights aerial navigation has
made no real progress. Mr. Carson is
the genius. We offer you tbe unique
cbance to be with us comaster of the
world. Mr. Carson will be glad to ex
plain bis aeronef."
"I wun't put cent In It!" said Mr.
Carson's heart sank.
"Certainly not," replied Craighead,
as If Mr. Waddy's refusal were the
most natural thing in the world, "until
you have ciphered the thiiig'down to
brass nails. And then— But tell Mr.
Waddy about It. Mr. Carson. You need
not enter Into the offers of millions we
have had and spurued. Just describe
the machine."
Carson switched on the lights, und
they gathered shout the table
HE young man talked slowly.
'-^Once in awhile Mr. Waddy in
a question which
evinced comprehen
sion of tbe heart of Carson's explana
tion. Carson explained that bis aero
nef differed from all others In having
wings like a bird's, which did uot flap,
like those of the absurd urthopters and
yet used half their surface In beating
the air with a straight tbruBt like that
of an oar in' water.
"Don't yeb use screws?" asked Wad
"Not at all." answered Carson. "The
screw can never be effective, because
It strikes with a slant. It will do in
water, but air requires a more effec
tive thrust When your propeller
blade moves at a hundred miles an
hour, say. you have a lift of thirty
pounds to the square foot of surface
with tbe direct stroke. But tbe surface
of the screw"—
"Now, how d'ye figger that?"
Carson repeated laboriously.
"Why." said Carson, "I can lift
weights that none of the other airships
can stir and fly off like an eagle with a
The farmer-bauker and the Inventor
were so absorbed that they scarcely
noticed tbe entrnnce of a messenger
from the Institute with a message
from Mr. O'Grady asking if Mr. Craig
head would step outside for a moment
nor Craighead's withdrawal and re
X. •X'*iti^^yrv' !t'v:: ,/.." ."" .—v'£ •,/'•'•'
"The direction of tIn- hlrw of tli
propeller," sairi Cnrson. "Is under per
feet control. A IMrd's wing isn't. This
is a better wing than an eagle's."
"Kin you raise right straight up,"
asked VVadd.v, '•without running along
like a buzzard?"
"1 sure can," replied Carson, falling
Into dialect. "No bird can do that—110
big bird. It's a belter, stronger filer
than any bird. The best any other ma
chine can do Is to support four pouuds
to the square foot of surface. With
my new motors I can Hy off with Ave
times that, and I've got four times
their bearing surface. I can carry
mail and express at a profit or passeu
gers that can afford it. I can hover
over a ship with good heavy torpedoes
and sink her and overtake any vessel
that floats. I can"—
"What kind of motors you got?" in
terrupted Waddy.
Carson went into details. The old
man looked through his eyebrows,
whiskers and mustaches at Carson and
tbe drawings.
"What if your engines stop," he
asked, "when you're a mile high and
over water niebbe?"
"1 can soar," answered Carson. "I
can niuke headway and gain height
with no power if there's a wind, and
I can stay up for hours with the pro
pellers set for aeroplanes. But the
best thing I haven't mentioned—the
gyroscopic balancing device."
"What's that?" asked Mr. Waddy.
"Why, It's the successful application
of the gyroscope to aviation."
"They used to tnlk about that," ob
served Mr. Waddy, "long ago—the
Brennan single rail roads. I thought
It turned out that the gyroscopes was
too heavy f'r air work."
"They are too heavy," crlcd Theo
dore, "If you use tbem to do the bal
ancing. That's sure. And so we have
had to balance by feeling, Just as we
do a bicycle. Thought Isn't quick
enough, so you have to rely on feeling,
as a bird does. But I use little gyro
scopes not to control by their weight
and stress, hut to distribute power to
the wings and rudders—positive, auto
matic distribution of power. Why, if
the engineer of my machine should
fall dead it would fly on Just as he set
it until the fuel was exhausted. It
feels and thinks."
They did not notice the opening of
the door nor see the woman who en
"Papa," she said.
Mr. Waddy rose hastily and faced
her. She looked like Mr. Waddy, but
was undeniably pretty. He was blocky
and short she. round and plump, with
small bauds and feet. The turned up
pug nose of Mr. Waddy was modified to
a delightful little retrousse effect in her.
"Papa." said she. "this is hardly a
place in which to entertain these gen
tlemen. We have cleared out the east
"Oh, yes!" assented-Mr. Waddy, with
feverish haste. "To be sure, Caroline!
Take 'em in, won't you? I've got to
see the hired man. My daughter, Mrs.
Graybill. Mr. Craighead Caroline, a—
a friend of mine. Mr. Carson of Ala
bama. Excuse me for a minute, gentle
"Supper," said she. smiling, "will be
served very soon."
The long dining room was gloomy
with decayed gentility—black beams,
dark wainscoting and a broad plate
rail bearing wrenches, clevises, oil
cans and baskets of eggs labeled as to
breeds and dates. During tbe meal
Craighead came out amazingly in his
encounters with Mrs. Graybill, to
whom, as It seemed to Theodore, he
was making violent love. Mr. Waddy
sat burled hi thought, save when he
questioned Carson concerning the aero
"There's no cinch In ft." said Mr.
Waddy. "uo monopoly, an' as soon as
It's public everybody'll build 'em. I
4o business on cinches."
"Oh, .but the patents, Mr. Waddy!"
cried Craighead. "You forget the pat
"They expire In a few years." said
Mr. Waddy, "an* then where are yeb?
Land, now—that 1 made my money
In—land's an eternal cinch."
"Mr. Waddy." said Craighead, "this
matter of securing exclusive control of
the air is a part of our plans. It Is
one of my specialties."
Carson was amazed. Mr. Waddy
grunted as If lightly Impressed, as no
doubt he was.
"How long will it take you," said
he, "to kind of draw out your plan
for cllnchln' the control of the air le
"Oh, a very brief time," said Craig
head. "I Lave installed a line law li
brary In my apartments so the consul
tation of authorities will be easy, but"—
"Well," Interrupted Mr. Waddy, "if
you can have that done by the time
Mr. Carson can go where his machine
is, put it In shape nn' fly back it'll do.
When he lights in the front yard an'
you bring me a good law proof monop
oly I'll go In with you. but he's got
to fetch a letter from Mobile within
twenty-four hours o' the time it's
stamped there. I'm from Missouri!
What sayV
•Done!" cried Craighead.
Theodore was trembling, v.
'"Before we call It a bargain," said
Theodore, "I should like a word with
Mr. Craighead if you will excuse me."
"Certainly," said Mrs. GraybiU.
Cralgbead faced Carson inquiringly
as they found themselves alone in tbe
"I wish to explain." said Theodore,
"that I—I can't pay the charges on the
motors 1 can't get them down to tbe
beach. So bow can we accept Mr.
Waddy's offer?"
"Gad, cunnel," exclaimed Craighead,
"I'm glad you told me in private In
stead of disclosing our impecunious
ness to his Waddinests. But bave.no
fear. You carry Caesar and his fortunes.
I have the fund for the motors."
Craighead drew from bis pocket a
roll of bills, the outer one of rather
startling magnitude.
"Fees." said Cralgbead "damages,
actual and exemplary. I've settled tbe
case of Carson versus the Slattery In
stltute. Fair sir, we have a swollen
"What do you mean?" asked Carson.
"I mean," said Craighead, "that this
roll of tainted money is our loot of the
emporium. Wit well that I soaked 'em
"But I can't allow this!" cried The
"It's already allowed," answered
Craighead, with an air of perfect inno
cence. "Come, callow sir, we can't be
gin now the ruinous policy of scruti
nizing the sources of our supplies. We
can endow a college later, and that—
What you doing?"
Carson was cramming the bills Into
his pocket.
"Going back to Mr. Waddy," said
he. "Come on."
"Aye. aye. sir." said Craighead, his
hand to his forelock. "But 1 warns
you. capting. that there's breakers dead
ahead and on both bows and that
Craighead's the only pilot as knows
these waters. But here's with you.
If it's to Davy Jones!"
"Mr. Waddy." said Theodore, walk
ing up to him and looking him In the
face, "before accepting your offer I
must make sure that 1 can fulfill my
part of It I must install the motors in
the aeronef. There are some financial
arrangements to be made. It may be
some weeks"—
"I'll let you have what money you
need." said Mr. Waddy. "I know how
it gen'ly Is with these here geniuses."
Theodore grasped the old man's
hands, his face flushed with Joy.
"I accept your advances with pleas
ure." said he. "and within sixty days
I shall be here with the aeronef."
"As certain." said Craighead, "as the
world turns over sixty times on its
shafting. Got your order. Mr. Wad
They took their departure.
After retiring they lay awake, ex
changing remarks and suggestions
across the dark room.
"Oh, about that money!" said Car
son. "I must return It to Dr. Wltber
spoon. Craighead. You won't misun
derstand me, will you?"
"Not In the least," replied Craighead
sleejjlly. "Ingrowing conscience and
all that rot. Get over It as you get
richer, you know. I would fain dream
of Caroline."
(To be continued)
Suspects In Chicago Attack on Mlnne
apolitans Admit Other Crimes.
Chicago, Aug. 16.—Confessions that
they had thrown acid at two non-union
chauffeurs within the past week have
been made to Inspector Hunt by Louis
Lobell and John McKenna, arrested in
connection with tbe burning by acid
of prominent Knights Templar and
their wives. The men denied they
threw the acid at a taxicab Thursday
night at Michigan avenue and Con
gress street, but Inspector Hunt said
he believed they were the men. One
non-union chauffeur identified them as
the ones who threw acid at him.
The taxicab attacked Thursday
night was occupied by Eminent Com
mander J. C. Lewis, of the Minneapolis
Knights Templar, his wife, Albert Na
than, president of the Illinois Casing
company, and Mrs. J. F. Boeke, of Min
neapolis. Mr. Lewis, who is a Minne
apolis baker, and Mrs. Boeke were
burned on the hands by the liquid,
which also Ignited Mrs. Boeke's gown.
Entire Camp on Bicycle.
Bloomsburg, Pa.—Spurred on by the
gibes of his fellow students who de
clared he would not get 20 miles from
home, W. J. Paetb of Mllford, Pa.,
passed through here on a bicycle trip
to Wheeling, W. Va., and return.
With several months' vacation he
has started out to make the trip
awheel. He has strapped to his bicy
cle a complete camping outfit, Inclu
ding a portable canvas tent, blankets,
clothes, dishes and books, while
strapped to his shoulder Is the ever
ready camera.
He camps at night wherever he hap
pens to be.
World's Oldest Tree.
The recent rose show given in Paris
by the French Horticultural society
recalled the fact that the oldest rose
tree In the world Is believed to be one
which grows on a wall of the cathe
dral at Hlldesheim, Germany. Elev
enth-century records make mention
of expenses Incurred by caretakers of
the cathedral in maintaining this tree,
which covers the wall to a height of
twenty-five feet and Is twenty inches
thick at tbe root.
Won't Need a Crutch.
When Editor J. P. Sossman of Cor
nelius, N. C., bruised his leg badly, it
started an ugly sore. Many salves and
ointments proved worthless. ThenBuck
len's Arnica Salve healed it thoroughly.
Nothing is so prompt and sure for Ul
cers, Boils, Burns, Bruises, Cuts.Corns,
Sores, Pimples, Eczema or Piles. 25c
at P. A. Clemmers.
Children Cry
Regulates tho bowels, promotes easy
natural movements, cures constipatiou
—Doan's Regulets. Ask your drug
gist for them. 25 cents a box.
Baby won't suffer five minutes with
croup if you apply Dr. Thomas' Elec
tric Oil at once. It acts like magic.
r111J ,H!'-4Jv
•'. '-\'j .V,•. rf':\ir
•'.• •••'.' ••''.••. .-. •.. •-... .v -*. w., .,: .-*v-. .., •. •., ••, •.".Cv.-"''^ '.'••.•••.
-'..V -. .' .'-•v, ^v^» V:.f.
.- v\
When the Steering Geer Becomes Di»
abled He Climbs Out Over
Auto's Hood and Rides
on Cranking Shaft.
Onj of the nerviest spectacles evei
seen on an auto raceway, says Hamp
ton's Magazine, occurred in the Lon|
Island stock car Derby at Riverhead
Herbert Bailey, .mechanician for Louii
Dlsbrow and his No. literary shool
hands with death.
When the car had passed the stan4
on its fourth- lap and was two mllei
from the repair pits the pin fell out o!
the reach rod, disabling the steerini
gear. The machine threatened to bo
come unmanageable.
What did Bailey do but climb ouf
over the hood, lower himself down ot
the little cranking rod and sit facing
the radiator with his feet propped
against the front axle. With one ham!
he prevented himself from being dash
ed under the wheels by holding on
the little water cap on the top of th
The other hand held the disabled
steering gear together. Bailey rod«
twenty miles In that manner, with t,h*
car going full speed, until the circuii
was completed and tbe repair' plti
George Robertson had aq expert
ence In the famous backstretch of th
Merrlmac Valley course which might
have had pretty serious consequences
"We were making seventy miles ai
hour," said Robertson in telling th
story, "when suddenly I heard a crack
The next second I fell through to th
floor of the car. The seat had broker
under me. There I lay with my handi
on tbe wheel and my feet sticking ui
In the air.
"I could not Bee the road In front
of me, and did not know where th
car was golnff. Just before Glens
Ethrldge, my mechanician, grabbed m«
by the shoulders and pulled me up
the car tilted perceptibly. It almost
tipped over. I tell you, I thought w«
were goners! No, I haven't said any1
thing about It. Why should I?"
Smiling George they call him, and
his sunny countenance certainly bean
out tbe nickname. Robertson is a big
solid, good looking youth, who givei
the impression that nothing could
move him. He fairly radiates vitality.
In everyday life he is an easygoing
merry, careless chap.
In a race he is another man. AI
times he acts like a maniac. He has
been known to str'ko the men in the
repair pits wben they did not work
fast enough to suit him. On the road
be is absolutely fearless. The othet
drivers "turn out" for him. On mor«
than one occasion Robertson has
scraped the paint off a car that was
slow in giving him leeway.
A story Is told of Robertson's be
havlor during the Briarcliff race. II
was said that he had hurled a monkey
wrench at another driver who delib
erately tried to block him. When Rob
ertson was asked about this he ap
peared high incensed.
"Honestly, do you think I'd throw
my wrench at any one? Why, it'i
absusd! Suppose I should need thai
wrench during the race! If I threw
anything, I throw spare nuts."
Nominated But Not Elected.
"It's getting harder every year for a
faker to get by," remarked Attorney
M. B. Excell. "Whatever line a man's
In, whether it's politics or selling gro
ceries, it doesn't pay for him to try
much four-flushing. I always think
of the case of a man I knew in a town
near here who ran for a county office
one year and had a bright young chap
there to write a speech of acceptance
for him, to have ready in case he was
"He did get the nomination, and de
livered the speech in great shape,
without the use of manuscript of
notes. The speech was wonderfully
well put up, toe—so good, in fact, that
everybody wondered who had written
it, for the speaker himself was re
garded as a person who would have
difficulty ia writing a letter asking for
a seed catalogue without getting some
body to help him with the spelling and
tbe grammar.
"When be had finished and sat down,
there went up a wild tumult of ap
plause above which could be heard
shouts of 'Author! Author!' just like
they do after the first performance oi
a play In which the actors have de
livered their lines well.
"And that cry was the thing that de
feated the candidate." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Passing It Along:
'I've lost all confidence In Blink
ers since he worked that old horse off
on me,' said Iklarkleigh. "I'll never
trust him again."
"What are you going to do with the
animal?" asked his wife.
"Why—er—I expect a friend of mine
over this afternoon to look at him,"
replied Marklelgh.
Paradise in Advance.
"The man died eating watermelons,"
some one said to Brother Dickey.
"Yes, suh," lie said. "Providence
sometimes puts us in paradise befo'
we gits ter heaven."—Atlanta Con
Neuvalne of Roses.
Who loves not Love will never know
The Joy of any rose-clad morning,
Nor wherefore scented blossoms grow.
Pass you. then, by In airy scorning?
Who loves not love will never know
How buds unfold for Love's adorning.'
How sweet their welcome Is—how low
And dear a voice may be. Take warn
Who loves not Love will ..never-know!
—Aldls Duiibar In Gunter's Magazlue. I
Love and Pain.
Know j-e not my name Is Pain?
I am Love's twin brother
No art of thine can break the chain
That binds us to each other.
v^^v^k,?.-{ /-'-/«.
I let my brother lead the way
And then his keys I borrow:— -I
Fond heart, you ope'd to Love to
It may be Pain to-morrow.
—U R. Ridge, In Gunter's Magazin*.

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