The herald. [volume], February 22, 1917, Page 9, Image 9

About The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953

Image provided by: Louisiana State University; Baton Rouge, LA

                
The Test i
MER COBB
Ia oTalcOtt nn u:'
Lr ee that he %tal- .:::
I ,ty m Vera I":ni'Zt ::, '* 4
love, th. ii
ho bas not go tey.'' L the
S- room l . th,' ,''y.A
L  btlcal dreams tanid ex
 de" remonstratedl Wayvne.
ii aadde! "You have my utitna
L.gmlltb Wayne el,,pel with
,ao settled down to wed
So--ro om in the ci-ty. A
by; Do work. their little
- auosted. Wayne wrote
.adnl his indulgence. A
- was awarded: "I have
mggructions to my lawyer.
wesa Union building."
~*ir4r Dawes. Union building.
Sher dublouslY wended his
S3t5lo5rney greeted him eivilly.
p~bp been unfortunate enough
I iunle's displeasure." he
Shas authorized me to make
SLLr good." declared Wayne
o bopetally.
j proceeded the lawyer,
g a hrm which he took for
Mgslea It has a liv
ramIng . tools. He
p there for a year. At
um be will buy your
I ga and, If you
et Industry, will do
nbstantial for you."
dreary prospect, dear,"
to Vera, "after all of our
t anad make it suanyr
ln her bright, buoyant
"1 see nothing
a little farm among
Ls the trees, and the
I Al, there was the
Iram known t Was
or testing their
raece to the limiti
buikea dwn house and
A thae ard tefe-er
was desert-like.
nd Wayne looked
t look bad come
r aea a tsort of
but determInation
to etreuatances.
Ie hardships with a
Wa Utable expert house
La the hardest tasks.
ivety and pettish
te made of the rud
SUMt to the nearest
hsmt for tfarm equipl
hlt not a dollar for
dathe.. The exiled
abd to provide for
- l thy did It.
htas day,Hiram Lee
oe ertable library,
* The latter had Just
by an emissary
t iheethat all along
i r t very close tab
Others I Dim Fu
t~, hitld, loved and
yet it is for only
awe have any
record of
u1 sad the tale
Sa erect in Ceo
5 milllon.dollar
with a view
at thee tt
Simed cinema
at fu tre gs-e
l the Detroit
p will leave
literary re
S ta tlions of
rw ifl resister
2A0 years
lahe the
h.':e. did you?" Inquired Mr. Lee. and
';: face showed actual expeltancy and
|.,:.ur*.
•Y',,. they will be here next Mon.
Thy."
"'t;,od *" n'dded Mr. Lee with unc
ti, n. "And you have attended to
,,ther details I directed?"
"Entirely." replied the lawyer.
"Better still '" quite chirped Mr. Lee, 4
and he smiled all over his face. "My
system has worked, it seems," he
chuckled. "I'm proud of its success, L
for it has made a man of Wayne and
a i,,yal, sensible little woman of Vera."
\\hen Wayne, and Vera arrived at
Is home town an automobile met them
at the depot. Wayne was dubious,
Vera anxious over the probable greet
ing of Urw'le Hiram. for his impulses c
andr mysterious ways were likely to
t:ake any whimsical turn. Thefir minds
were set complletely at rest. hi'wever.
when they were ushered into the par- c
lir of the Lee palatial home.
Th.- best roomu in the house was
ta;lrdied them. a regal meal. smiles,
S."en jollity from Uncle Hiratn. Then.
ea:ted in the capacious drawing ryom.,
he opened the ball. c
"Well, nephew." he observed br'cht
?y. "let's get to business. I offertl to
buy your crop."
"Yes, sir," promptly answered
Wayne, "and I have brought it with t
me."
"You've what?" demanded Mr. Lee t
in a startled tone.
"I've brought the crop along with I
me. It's in that big carpet bag in r
the hall. I'll go and fetch it." " t
Uncle Hiranm's eyes dilated as Wayne
was gone for a moment, returned, and
opened the carpetbag. From it he pro- 1
duced, a shrunken, crackled. diminu
tive squash.
"What's that?" snapped Mr. Lee.
"The c'rop. All there is to it, ab
solutely. I'd better explain. I guess."
smiled Wayne. "You see. we planted I
lots of stuff. With the exception of
some quick-growing vegetables, the sun
and the alkali burned up everything.
When the season was over, all that
was spared was this, our crop."
"But how did you manage to live?"
asked Uncle Hiram in a self-condem
natory way.
"Well. I worked evenings shaving
the miners down at their camp." ex
plained Wayne.
"My nephew a barber " growled the
shocked Mr. Lee.
"And I washed their clothes." added
Vera, and she showed her pretty
brown hands with pride.
"A relative of mine a 'washerwom
an!" groaned Uncle Hiram. "You
dear " and he kissed the pretty brown
hands in question in turn. "I'm going
to confes." he added. "Young lady. I
have misjudged you, but. as it has
turned out, that wasn't a bad start. Just
after you became engaged to Wayne I
heard a conversation you held with a
girl friend, who repeated it. The lay
out you had for your high social life
after marriage was dazzling. It con
vinced me that you were a thought
less. extravagant-"
"Here ! Here!"- challenged Wayne
uproariously.
"Wait till the last installment, young
man, and see how It all worked out.
When you two eloped, I saw that if
you dldn't start out right you'd ran
into a switch. Now, then. you showed
sense, you made good. rm proud of
my beautiful and dutiful niece-in-law,
and-I say, my dear, it was a bunga
I low you planned out so gayly, wasn't
it?"
"Oh, Uncle Hiram. that was just a
foolish girl's fond dream !"
r "Visions come true," pronounced
Mr. Lee oracularly. "There was a
white pergola, and a screened porch,
t and--oh, you opulent dreamer :-an au
tomobile."
"You'll make her cry If you keep
Ion." warned Wayne.
S"She'll laugh afterwards," predicted
Uncle Hiram gayly. "Very well, look
eat that"
a He extended a photograph. It was
rthat of an exquisite little home, a
1 bungalow. And there was a pergola,
I and an automobile stood In the gar
e den roadway.
S"Well go and see it tomorrow," an
I nounced Uncle Hiram. "I had my law
e yer purchase It last week. Yours," he
f added to Vera.
a "Mine " she uttered breathlessly.
"And you can have your washing
r done, and my nephew may discontinue
. his barbarous proclivities, and-"
a But Vera's arms were about his
. neck, and her kisses silenced the fur
-Ither explanation of the good old fel
-. low, who had given them their heart's
-deslte.
Invisible Ink
t Use unglazed paper and write with
- lemca, onion, leek, cabbage or arti
r choke juice. Characters written with
d these Juices become very visible when
r the paper is heated with a hot iron.
Milk or, better still, buttermilk alsoi
e makes a good inviaible ink which heat
, will bring to view.
y An Exeption.
g "Talk is always cheep," said the
bWise One. "Except," returned the
Mutt, "when you talk on the long dis
e tance telephone."
Eelf-consdlous slaves trying to eact na
turally; Alexander reviewing his arm
'les on the screen; Columbus in the
court of Isabella, with a close up of
explorer hising the royal Anger tips!
No digging up of burned cities for
future generations of historians. We
shall all be very, very dead then, yet it
Smust afford the president, trae po
lieemen, soldiers sad sailors and
other fixtures of the lim news a thrill
d of satisfactlon to think that they may
walk, bigger than life, before the vlsion
. of races not yet evolved and that the
i youth of unborn time will behold and
w sigh, "Ah. those were the days!"
a Overheated Air.
A rise of temperature In the suw
it rounding air diminishes the amount of
* oxygen consumed and the amount of
Sdioxide discharged. A fall of temper
't ature has the opposite efect- In ad
sr ditLon, the overheated air forms a hot
te jacket around the body which prevents
a the radiation of heat mecessary to keep
k, the body La a halth7 coditolo With
a sudetary eepaties a tempueratw
- I of frm 46 to 10 dleal be whnMa
- an m 1mm n m4 LhaIm
a.II iw e.I w ;;·:·1Yi-~lI LI_ iii~L~~~i
LAWS FOR FIRE PREVENTION
New York City Seeks to Have Them
Enforced Against Owners of Prop
erty Who Are Negligent
The fire commissioner of New York
city has, with the consent of the city's
law department. brought suit against
the owners of several buildina. who
disregarded an order to install tire
checking api:liances for the ,.xein-es
entailed by the municipality in extin
guishing tires in those buildins.
which occurred subsequent to the
service on the owner. of notice to
comply with the requirements of the
commissioner In the matter of provid
ing safeguards against the spread of
fire. The orders In question were ic
sued on March 6. 1916. and because ,of
failure to comply with them were sent
to the bureau of penalties in the cor
poration counsel's offie on June 2 for
the enforcement of the legal penalty.
One of the buildings was converted
into a storage warehouse a few months
ago. and at the beginning of the sum
mr,. when the families in the neigh
brhood began to move away, was
filled with furniture and household be
longings. It is stated that the house
hold belon;gings of about 700 families
were stored in the warehouse.
An itemized statement showing the
complete cost to the fire department
in the services of the firemen. ap
paratus. expenditure of coal. water.
etc.. and damage to apparatus was pre
pared. and the suit was brought for
this amount. As it was a four-alarm
fire a very large number of fire com
panies participated. The firemen
worked from 10:20 p. m. until 6:30
a. m. The cost of extinguishing this
fire is estimated at $1.500.
'POLES AND WIRES HURT CITY
Los Angeles Newspaper Complains of
Conditions Which Work Harm in
Many Other Municipalities.
The residents of Los Angeles are to
be congratulated if the city shall
quickly acquire the privately owned
lighting systems and avoid the multi
ple pole-and-wire systems now borne
by the northeast districts. In the lat
ter. in Garvanza and Highland Park
districts particularly,. more landscape
beauty has been blotted out in a few
months than the residents have been
able to create in several years. Poles
and wires are everywhere, trees de
spoiled, private property rights vio
lated. in stringing wires without per
mission, and all the evils usually at
tendant upon service hy employees
protected in their vandalism by civil
service. It is most sincerely hoped
that acquisition of existing lines by
the city will result in the removal of
at least two-thirds of the present Jun
gle, for the district is now despoiled.
-Los Angeles Times.
City Managing a Profession.
When the commissioners in charge
of Niagara Falls, N. Y.. were looking
about for a manager for the city they
heard of a young fellow at Cadillac.
Mich.. named Carr. Cadillac was pay
ing Carr $3.500 as city manager, and it
figured that it had made a good in
vestment, for he had saved the city
$7.000 out of a budget of $74.000.
Carr looked over the ground at Niag
ara Falls and said he would take the
job at $5.000. But he agreed to save
Sthe city $25.000 by putting the city on a
Sbu.siness basis. It looks as if he would
make good.
SThat's what the city manager plan
Smakes possible. It builds up a corps
Sof trained men who know how cities
ought to ran. Then it permits a city
to bid for the services of a man who is
conspicauodsly successfal in the bust
ness.-Kansas City Star.
Father of "Tanks."
Patriotic Scotsmen might plausb!t
I claim that the real inventor of "t:
was John Napler of Merchlston.
also invented logarithms. He ha A
s many varied Intellectual activities be
- sides the higher mathematics, and was
a zealous protagonist of Protestant
slism. For confounding all "enemies of
God's truth" he confided to Bacon's
elder brother certain "secret inven
tlons." These included a chariot of
i metal, double musket-proof. the mo
tion of which was controlled by those
Swithin, "who discharged shot through
Ssmall holes, the enemy being abased,
L and uncertain what defense to make
*against a moving mouth of metal."
t This looks like the original "tank," but
Napier directed the detailed designs
for his weird instruments of war to
be kept secret until necessity com
Spelled their use.
Right Type of Patriotism.
Every American who does not think
his land the fairest that ever the son
shone on, his own state the finest in
' the Unilon, and his town the best place
la which to live has not reached the
Ssame celestial plane of joy and pa
Striotism as the foreigner, who thinks
his little wind-swept bog is the happl
est spot in the happiest land the good
God ever made. This is the love of
It contry that glorfles a latd and the
" people that Inhabit it. Thl' is what
i maks every hill and valley, every
! rock and rill, the most beautiful In the
SI world, because it is ours, made sacred
* and beautiful by thi memories woven
Saround it.-Exchange.
Miscalculated His Capacity.
Mr. Goodleigh-I was surprised to
see you in a helplessly Intoxicated ecgn
. dition last evening.
STipplel-I was surprised myself. I
i[ thought I could stand a lot more-
e- Boston Transcript.
t IOne Reason.
i "Pa, why Is it that poets are always
- poor?"
- "One of the 'reasons is that they
i have to taclose postage for the retur
i e thdr mammC e ."-.klwn Os
REQUIRING ONLY ONE EGG
Four Economical Preparations That
Are Thoroughly Good, Although
They Can Be Made Cheap.
Cornstarch Pudding.-To one cupful
boiling milk add two level tablespoon
fuls cornstarch, mix with one teaspc,n
ful salt and two tablespoonfuli cold
milk. Boll a few minutes. stirring con
stantly. then cook slowly ten minutes.
Beat one egg and one teaspoonful
sugar and add to the .orn'tart'h. C('.ok
one tinutt, . ardll one i, "p, 'niful tin
vring. Retnltve frril tre and l,-at.
I'our Into moll.
Qu, en'< Puddh'n::.--P,,ttr one cupful
calin::: m liki onv.r n.,: -f,:,rth i,'llful
bread c'rli ',-. I: .:it ,.lk of e ,il
p'ncllh .f -:it an.! cr:', l rinl of ,ne
fo, rth .-,n. S :r :. :,1 t. g .'-r. ;fut in
blutt,'r.,d ,P.-h na:, l,:li{,, 17, ,, innte..
SS;r,.ai ,,t,.r ,"i i ,In .r ,,f j:ut! ,r ,.*Ily
an ,i ',v ,r 1 lh the , 'it ib e:teltl h ite.
I r:.:xed. with two tall,'ý;','p . f::" s ýu :ir
and jul'e of one-fourth h' n,,. Brnwn
in . ,vt, n.
Banana Pud,!inr..--B."at yelk of one
e'g. two t::hlespj .nftlr sugar and on.e
fourth tean.l.oonful salt. Add juie
of one-half tart orang,- and one cupful
milk. Arrange slicetd bananas and
bread crumbs in bhaking di.b and pour
this custard over It. Bake in hot
oven 20 minutes. Benat the white of
egg stiff and add two tablespoonfuls
sugar and juice of one-half orange.
Spread on pudding andl brown.
Baked Cornstarch Lemon Meringue.
-Heat one cupful to boilin: pint.
then stir in one level tablespoonful but
ter blended with samne of cornstarch.
Cook one minute. stirring constantly.
Add the yolk of one egg. beaten with
two tablespoounfuls sugar, grated rind
one-fourth lemon. Juice of one-half
lemon and pinch of salt. Bake 20 min
utes. Beat white of egg with three
tablespoonfuls sugar, spread on top
and brown.
Apple Cracker Pudding.
Three medium-sized apples, six
large milk or soda crackers, cold wa
ter. one teaspoonful butter, one pint
milk, two eggs. one-half cupful sugar.
one teaspoonful lemon extract, nut
meg.
Crumble the crackers into a pudding
dish; pour over these enough cold wa
ter to soak them until soft. Pare the
apples, cut them in halves, remove
core and put them on the stove with a
small quantity of water; stew ten
minutes. Pour milk over sonked crack
era, add eggs beaten, and stir in the
apples with the sugar. Add flavoring
and grate nutmeg over the top of the
pudding. Place butter on top just as
the pudding is ready to be put into the
oven. Bake in a slow oven until firm
and brown. Serve hot.
Ginger Fritters.
Bring to the boiling point two cup
fuls of water, one-half cupful of sugar
and one teaspoonful of butter, stir in
two cupfuls of sifted flour and continue
stirring until the mixture leaves the
sides of the pan. - Remove from the
fire, cool, add four unbeaten eggs, one
at a time, beat thoroughly and add one
cupful of finely chopped preserved gin
Sger. Drop from a spoon into deep hot
fat, fry to a golden brown, drain on
soft paper and serve with ginger strup
slightly flavored with lemon juice.
Blscuit Tortoni in Boxes.
One cupful died macaroons finely
crushed, two cupfuls thin cream, half.
cupful sugar, third cupful sherry, one
pint heavy cream. Sonk macaroon in
thin cream one hour. add sugar, wine
- and freeze to a mush: then add heavy
Scream beaten stiff. Mold. pack in salt
and Ice and let stand two hours. Turn
Slady fingers, arrange on plate in form
e of box. Remove Ice cream from brick.,
Scut a slice three-fourths inch thick and
Splace ln box.
Prevent Oilcloth 8lipping.
Don't tack a new oilcloth or bother
a to paste it onto ygur table. Just turn
a the old oilcloth face down, shiny side
Snext to the board, and place a tack in
a each corner. Trim edges so they will
- not hang below the new cloth. Place
new cloth on and it sticks fine with
out anything to hold It, and the extra
thickness of the under one over the
table edge prevents the new one wear
ing out there so quick.
Oyster Canapes.
Cut small rounds of bread about one
q fourth inch thick and fry in deep fat.
- Drop small oysters ir the fat, and let
f brown. Cover the toast first with catch
a up, then with the oysters (two or
- three should cover the toast. Before
f carrying to the table, garnish with
Sslices of stuffed olives, and serve with
e celery hearts, preferably as a first
i course on the menu.-McClure's Maga
, sine.
Dream Cakes.
Melt one-half cupful of grated
s cheese and add to it one-eighth tea
a spoonful paprika, one-eighth teaspoon
fu- tal salt, a few grains of cayenne and,
if not thin enough, add cream, to make
It smooth paste. Cut fresh bread ,n
very small slices, spread a slice with
k the cheese mixture, press another slice
Son quite firmly and saute in butter.
a When brown on one side turn over
e and brown the other.
Jugged Chicken.
5 Cut up chicken as f for fricassee.
- To every pound of meat allow two
I heaping teaspoontfuls of flour, one sat
f tespoonnful of salt, one-quarter of pep
* per. Roll each piece of chicken In the
it mixture. Pack closely In a large bean
I mot, cover with bolling water and bake
u until tender, two or three hours.
a Cornmeal Orlddle Cakes.
Mix one cupful cornmeal, one-hal_
cupful flour, one-quarter teaspoonful
salt, two teaspoonfuls molasses, one
: rounded teaspoonfal baking powder and
1- enough milk and water (mixed) to
make a thin better. Fry on a hot gdd
I die and serve with maple idrop.
Darning Wool Underwear.
Wever darn fine woolen underwear
with wool. It will shrink and poull out
• hole larger than the original. A
lo sely twisted nlttmnl g Sibk is e
r senseM 1or the prpom. When washed
Sthe dams will Lhave hem t the mu
* gmmam as the halttd alm
I n oFj Y KnOBJ n1
By SYLVIA TURNER.
Mrs. g•ullows alighted frunom tile lit
tle local, train as sole lI:asselr. r for
Deerfotot. The truln went on. after
dep ~o iir.g her on tht' i nely. narrow
platform. andl slplrpd.' away into the
shadolwy tiournttiini dii-t.tncts. to
"'Exl .c'ting ..nyl.,ody t,, ar:.,et you?" Of
Si.' turnrili wi:h a litile' 't:,rt at the tt
ch,•rf'i voi,'e,a 'l f:a,-,I lLr:an l:f- '
fat. , r nra! fuata n.. arount, ti. sta
ti n. I
oinl yf. "I a:n ihr." sto Ity' 'rt f a ' - (, I
ve' atine. I r.ir-1U1me." I
"W ell. I ,,n,'t know wh,'r,L tn : a ml•t .'" t,,
sail Ilirn:i gn,: ;a!y,. if int ra-sur- c
Ir.nly. ito n LI.:hr,,p kea ps a Ih,,r'e.
but he lilv"'s over the e.'io of thI'
ioa nt: i. a ,l' the 'nex.t lst i\ l11
J.Trka.'' mule. If he' hato,'e anrd .er, as
like as not hea. take atn ni.•re you st.
want to gu,. (;,ir- very far':"
"I want to go to Mr. FIalloh s' home; ipl
IMr. Jerraiha Fallows."
The mule took its own timne. and it it
was nearly 5 :30 befare Jake lulle'd up
before a mountain shack. Just as the "I
mirning sun broke in glory over the di
crest of Piney Knob. At the two win- fr
dows hung white scrim curtains, with gr
a glimpse of flo werrng ctraninms along
the sill. And from the nack came a
fall. girlish contralto voice singing
joyously.
"That's Elvy." said Jake. "Got nice
singing pipes, ain't she?" hi
Then in the coaol nmountain mornin hg
air Jerry Fallows' mother and the girl
he loved. .Elvy of Piney Knob. , et for
the first time. She was just a girl,
not more than eighteen, but with the
monntain spirit about her. an
"Wan't you step inside and sit by at
the fire. whe.re it's warm?"
Elvy's soft. rich, southern voire was
beautiful. Unconsciou-ly Mrs. Fal
lows breathed a sigh of relief. Jerry
surely had a good excuse for falling
so ridiculously in love, at any rate.
"Jerry'll he awfuly glad to see you
when he comes home." Elvy knelt to
put on some fresh, dry wood under
the big back log. "HIe's just gone up
to the wood lot after a load."
"I am glad he is not here." Mrs.
Fallows sat upright. It was not a
pleasant task that had brought her to
the mountains. "I think you are the
one to decide for him."
"I?" queried Elvy. sitting down. on
the round braided rug in surprise.
"Why?"*
"You know, of course, .Terry would
never have remained here in this wil
derness if he had not meta you. He was
sent down by his uncle's lumber Inter
ests to look the ground over and re
port on conditions. Later, he was put
in charge of the cutting out of timber
at his own request. The next we
heard was that he was married."
"And you never even sent one little L
word back to him." said Elvy. softly.
dreamily almost, gazing into the crack
ling fire. "I don't see how you could
hav e done that to him."
"Don't you?" the older woman's face a
hardened. "After you had raised a
son. your only one, built all your hopes
and ambitions on his future, and then
at twenty-two, he married a-a-"
"Just a mountain girl like me?" ti
"Yes. Could you understand and
forgive him?"
"I guess when you really love, you
can forgive most anything."
"Possibly." with a hitter little laugh. a
"I could not. You have been married I
now for a year. I came down to Jerry t
with his father's word of forgiveness.
lIe is willIng tr overlook all the pask
and take him bnck, give him an as
sured canreer, andl make up to him for
this misspent year. But you must
stay behind him here. and if you really
do love him. you will think of him
first. Give him a year or two back in
his own world. If when he is success
ful and really a grown man, he
chooses to return to you, we will con
sent to It."
Elvy rose slowly. Then without a
word, she went into the next room.
Mrs. Fallows waited. It had been
hard. but not as though Jerry himself t
had ben there to argue with. The girl
was proud. She would asurely let him
go. And then behind her she heard
El'y's footfall. and turned her head.
Proud and silent she stood there. a
world of love in her eyes, and in her
arms Jerry's first-born.
"He's only a month old." she tsaid.
gently. "But he's the reason why I
couldn't ask Jerry to go away and
leave us."
It was a little past ten when Jerry
drove down the road with his lopd of
wood. When he entered the kitchen
he stood amased. With one of El'y's I
big aprons on her. his mother sat be
fore the fire hathing Jerry, Jr., her
face radiant with contentmentl She
laughed as she put up her face for a
kiss.
"Oh. Jerry," she said. "Isn't he won
derful?"
Jerry knelt before them both. his
eyes full of fun. Was this his con
servative, worldly little mother from
New York?
"Why, mumale." he said, putting his
head on her shoulder. "I didn't know
you liked babies. I thought you'd e
bel if you knew even that you were a
grandmother. How did you even find
as?
"I think I was sent, and Elvy weon
me over. No, I wnst to tell him the
truth." Ias Elvy's eyes begged her not
to. "1 came here delitberately. Jerry.
to try and coax you back north with
me. and then the dear child laid this
laddie Io my aoms. and what could I
do but love her?'
tCopurlght. 3i17. by the McClure Newspa
per yndicate.)
Wireless mue has been provided
Sfor passengers on an ocea liner. One
advantage of this scheme is that there
Sis nobody to tip.
An eastern report says that a chnrch
proposes to cut do-wn the Lord's pray
a'. Nothing sews to be sacred to the
i efcldency experts.
> dlupses of the moos are afl right
3 , ther ways but what the worl
ggg win w at begging the -ge
-as -mm
Lg- ( \l
Sd _ _ _ _
NO HARD FEELINGS.
to y 'Ir nIil au mater f, r t), *te . ,r:
of a new u" il!'nC u. l. ,! .i '. i -'-t
jart ,,f t'e c:.:Ul,"
:tli th i:.-"i: u i:.t 'rl .
.:ath:i' tic , 'tr . . .. .'
I.. '-A', ) Ih .. I ,;"': I, 1 a ii . . : . t , .
Victims of Friendship.
"It wuz like di<." hplrIned 41.144.
dtate I ri t' be iaged. but 41.1 f4.
"frinhs go de that':"r - cdng the sprn
I grar t' puttin' tue in de Lokup for life.
See?"
He Lost Out
He vwas p,,,r. lut otherwise hone-t.
It wasn't ht' fault. lit, tried to
clh:iran conditions by prop.sidr to an
heiress.
But the wedding bells did not ring.
"•Oh. ,ell." hie saidl. philhsl.( hi,-ally.,
"m*oney i-r't everything."
"True," rejoined the fu!r but unfair
:nail. "but with it one can buy almost
any old thing that it isn't." L
TAIL OF A DOG.
"Aw. "ny We can't tie no can to dat
bobtail dorg "
"Naw-w'. Dat dorg's tail puts me
In mind of one of dem serial stories.
LIey ain't no end to it:"
The Missing Word.
"A word to the wise is sufficient."
Is a proverb that's often heard:
But we need some wise guy to tell us
Just which is the proper word.
The Modern Way.
"Say." said the theatrical manager
to the chap who writes between meals,
"do you want a job?"
"What kind of a job?" queried the
play manufacturer.
"I bought a job lot of scenery at an
auctlorr sale t(oday." explained the t. I
m.. "and I want you to write a play
to fit it. See?"
An Explanation.
Ilushnd-lHere's that (old Joke again .
pertaining to the difficulty of finding a I
woman's pocket. Now it's easy enough
to find a man's pocket.
Wife-Well, that's as it should be.
A man has no business with a wom
an's pocket, while a woman has with
a man's-because she needs the money. I
Bird of an Argument
"I think all telegraph and telephone
wires should be put underground,"
said the man with long hair.
"Why. I thought you were head of
the Audubon society?" replied the tele
graph man.
"So I rm."
"Where on earth, then, do you sup
pose the poor birds are to roost if
deprived of the wires?"
Why He Objected.
Doctor-I wish you would tell those
deaf-mutes to stop talking, the Dise
disturbs me.
Attendant-Why, how can they make
a eloise when they talk with their fin
gers?
Doctr-Well. don't you know that ae
tions speak louder than words?
Sure to Come Back.
"Where is that cuff I had on yester
day?" asked the hungry-lookfng poet.
"I sent it to the laundry," said his
ilfe.
"Gracious. woman, I had a poem
written on It."
"Oh,, it will come back. You know
your poems always do."
His Specialty.
"You msay that pasty-faced lndlrldual
is expert in neautical sports'?"
"Yes."
"He certainly doesn't look as if he
could swim or sail a boat"
"He can't, but he's one of the
smoothest card sharps who ever
stepped aboard an ocean liner."
Signs and Portents.
"What does it mean when smoke
ascends in a straight liner
"That there is fire somewhere
'abot."
Too Good to Be True.
S"This candidate impresses me by his
Ssinacerity."
S"You mean because he weeps for tha
wrongs of the common peopler"
"Yes."
b "And says he's not, ambitious, but
merely wants to serve the public,
Scoveting neither fame, nor power nor
riches"
"Exactly."
S "Yu are entitled to your own opin
d ter, etesrse, but these are the very
- t rm-as that make me doubt his slt.
AWFUL.
I->
ieT-r," T , : e'. yuarr. l
Alas: Poor Wcman.
.1Man ":.1ts !-it .:'*te !ere telow,
I1. ,.: ., - .s t.
To Ir~ . rfer . . '·. xh , ,e!: go
For e-.rything in r- ht.
An Unexpected Retort.
"Where," dtla:i':ruied the t':aale suf
frhg- iitress it a tire t'nle. "wouldI
ti:an he today were it not for 'womun?'
She ,paused for a noiuent. and
g:lared at the silient nlutienlce.
"Once more I r'epe'at." she caire
back. "Where would man be were it
not for woman ?"
Then frin the gallery in a timid
masculine voice, came this :nswer:
"He'd he in the garden of Eden eat
ing strawberries."
Just for a Chance.
"How would you like to twe one of
those magazine illustrators and spend
most of your time drawing beautiful
woten ?"
"Not for me."
"Why not?"
"You know some'thinz about the per
versity of human nature. After a few
years of that sort of work I might fall
In love with a woman who was as
homely as a mud fence."
Deserviug Character.
"I saw a rather stout person out
riding in your car yesterday afternoon
who was a stranger to me. Have you
a relative visiting you?"
"No. That was our cook. She has
the use of our car two afternoons a
week."
"I would consider that a downright
imposition."
"You wouldn't after you had tasted
one of her pies."
Proved an Alibi.
Dixon-I under stand that Miss Over
seven brought suit for damages against
young Sapleigh for casting resections
upon her.
Hlxon-She did-hbut lost her ease.
Dixon-So? What was Sapleigh's
defense?
Hlxon-Ilis attorney put him on the
witness stand and proved to the satis
faction of the jury that he wasn't
bright enough to cast reflections.
Deeds of Daring.
Cholly-I say. Fweddy, let's--sw
do something deslewute and bweak
into tht-aw-hewolc class, doncher
know.
Fweddy-All right, deah boy. But
what shall we do?
Cholly - Something extwaordlnary,
doncher know. Haw! I have it.
We'll-aw-have some bweakfast food
for dinnah !
LOGIC.
"Earlie, why don't you comb your
hair?"
"'Cause I ain't got a comb."
"Well, why don't you tell your
mamma to buy you one?"
" 'Cause *hen I'd have to comb my
hair."
Safety First.
"The porter is unusually attentive
to your wants."
"Yes," replied the celebrated bee
Steriologirst.
"You must have traveled on this
Sroad a number of times before and
Stipped him liberally."
"That isn't the reason. The conduc
tor told him that I had in a little bot
tie la my siltease enough germs to kill
e an army and the porter has made up
his mind that no accident is going to
befall me if he can possibly prevent
it."
Her Manly Trait.
Knox-Mrs. Juno strikes me as be
Ing 2ntlrely too mascullne for a
2woman.
Mrs. Knox-That's right. Why, every
time she l.as an ache or pain she
t makes as much fuss about it as a mae
, would.
The Ex-tWIw.
Mrs. Green-Your tasband Is cer
- tailnly a aDOe-looking mi, Mrs. Black.
r Mrs. Black-Obh, he'll do; but yoe
- ust ought to have msan 'y first I