OAIBORN 1 GOFUARDIAN
VOL' 1. 1 HOMER, LA., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMDEr 5, 18770.
One yer in adae,......... .....f
%I months " .............. 150
Three " " ............... I
Toms of AMlsrgl
One equare, of sem laeb ie oe les
fint insertion, $1 00; each ti las ier
tim,. 50 rents.
prostloeal andl imtness eards, of tee
line or les in length; 91A per sannum f
si mothl $10; io b three months, .
lisinees5tdverTd5imeats of greater
will be inaerted at lower rate, as may
.t adrtiselment. will be charged at
legal rates, where fned by law; otherwise
t eerial rates as publishbed above.
r upecial notices 90 cents per lie.
Funeral notels of less than tea lines
and marriage and relgious notices insertel
Jab.work executed in the neatest style
and at reasonable prices.
August Z, 1i7..
A LITTLE ELOW RO00M.
BY AICIIPJI ALLEIt54PN.
t'ome fri.,nd, don't crowd no very tight,
There's roonm enonugh for twou;
Keep in your mind that I have a right
To live as well as you.
You rich and strong. I poor sand weak,
Rot think you I presume
When nuly this mmor boon I ask
A little elbow rom no
Tir sumh as you, the rich amt strong,
if von hut have the will,
Cnalla give the weak a lift along, "
Anad help him up the hill.
lint oh-you jostle, crowd and drive,
You storm andt fret and fume;
Are you the only man alive
In want of elbow room ?
Hrut thus it is on life's round patlh,
Sel seems the Ukod of all ;
The strong will crush the weak to death,
The big devour the small,
Far better be a rich man's hound
A valet, serf l r goom
That struggles 'ami the mass aroundml,
Shen we're no elbow room.
I'l heart, my boy ! d'eat mind the shock;
Up heart and push alng!
Yr.kln nill grow rmegh with knocks,
your limbs with labor strong;
And there'e a bal anseen to aid,
A star to light the gloom
t'p heart. any boy, nor be abaid,
d-trike out for elbho room.
And a ben ye see amid the throng
A fellow teller slip,
Ju is e bm as you pass long,
A bravse d kindly Irip ;
Let nobl. e , thoou poor\ yo be,
Yeur mt is Ule Ihr le,
And wit tre Christian e4l1),
Give otbhe elbow room.
M8. CLARKI' COSTUME
WHAT A PRYING REPORTER LAW
AND HEARD AT A COUNCiL O0
At preisely fifteen minuotes to
three o'clock yesterday, an attenuo
ted hlady with the light of truth
beaming n tshe end of her nose and
a big bundle under her arm, skipped
up the stairway leading to An
theny's HBalL At the top of the
stair way she was met by the "Vice
gA nt of Christ," etc., Dr. Pink.
am, LL. D., F. B. 8., the great
moral reformer of the age. The
Vicegerent greeted the attenuated
female with a holy smirk and a
warm grasp of the hand, lad after a
moment's sweet oemmunion ushered
her into the bhalL -he lady was the
good Mrs. Clark, bampioan of the
dress reformers, and the bundle
*leb arm contained something
~ wished to show to Iur
Sadie h6 were expected to be pres
eant in the hall when she entered.
Having entered the room, Mrs.
Clark observed with considerable
chagrin that there were but two
persons preent. One was a lady il
ba~t;ar"th watery eye end slivery
hair. The other was a Chbroele
reporter, rather awkwardly gotten
upin female ati. The latter wore
a big bustle, three false erls, a
black alpaca dres and a short
jacket that displayed his beautiful
form to perfetion. He mt in fear
and trembling lest bis sex should be
disaeovered but happily he esemaped
close scrutiny. Mrs. Clark mounted
the platform, and, after waiting
patiently, though in vain, for an
audiene, proceeded to untie her
Fist, however, ahe bebtoned to
)r. Piukham. That celestial benlag
asme forward, sad, trippinlg ap to
be platferm, tood, with a heavenly
mie, rawaiting ordets "Doetor,•
se mid, "etand at the door, pleas
lid don'let l a e i the rom. I
am going to array yself into my re
fore garments. The Adjutant of
the Ian bowed, and, with a blush,
debparted r tim entrance. There
he stood like a rim maotinel. "Doe
r, mid th good Mrs. Clark, "you
11117 plme p essd the eoor. I
albt e worthy Doctor,
** IH n wear ouat with a dis.
-- ea, bte as thles e sete
Simm las tie i neese
tbob ~T~r d
teusat was well outside of the door,
Mrs. Clark resumed the untying of
her big beadle.
"I have brought bore, ladles,"
abe said, "a suit which I have de.
sigted as the uniform of the Order,
sad it is one that I should like to
have worn by every member on the
oecasion of our parade on the Fourth
of July. In order that you may see
how it looks I propose to put it on."
With this Mrs. Clark removed
her little brown straw hat, with its
brown vail, untied her little neck.
ribbon and proceeded to unbutton
her dress. The Chronicle man's
breath came quick and sharp, but be
resolved to stand'it, come what
.might. The cold perspiration stood
out on his forehead like moisture on
a toad's back bt thethiok, spotted
rail he wore hid it from the gaze of
the other la-dy.
After some further fussing with
the front of her dress the good lady
put her hand inside and brought
onut soomething that looked like two
robins' nests joined together with a
string. These she laid down on the
little desk in front of her. Then she
thrust her hands iinside again and
untied a whole lot of white strings
anid things. Then, with a little
shrog of the shoulders and a quick
squirm or two, her black alpaca
dress went back and the reporter
caught the dull gleam of a bare arm
and somethitng white around it. lie
covered-his face with his hands and
held them there. lie couldn't stand
it any longer. There was a rustling,
a thumping about on the platform,
and inally a voice which said:,
"There, ladies, now I will put on the
garments of reform."
The reporter looked up and was
inexpressibly shocked at the good
Mrs. Clark's appearance. She looked
like a white gazelle. Her form eu
tirely divested of outer garments
resembled in chariter that of a
half starved greyhound; her limbs
were like antelope's limbs, and her
scanty white garments seemed.
hardly big enough, to envelope a
"I will now pat on thl.pantaloons,"
said the good lady; and with this
she sat down and rather awkwardly
shot one leg into them and then the
other. Fastening them aronnd her
waist abe put on a short calico skirt
which reached just below the knee.
Then thrusting her arms into a little
jacket or cost, the novel attire was
complete. The trowsers were eat
straight and reached quite to the
instep, and they were made of some
dark coarse materiaL The good
lady did not feel quite at home in
her new rig, for she went strutting
about in a painfully awkward way.
Having comipleted the bchangio
toilet, the good lady hammered on
tbhe des, and the Vicegerent en
"Doctor, you may open the door
now,5 she said.
In a moment half a dozen, more
ladies entered and took seats, highly
amused at the appearance of the ap
paritio on the platform. The half
dose ladies being seated, Mrs.
Clark proceeded in all solemnity
with the business of the day. After
the reading of the minutes, the lady
read aloud the agreement, which
she Invit d hean pr emaft all
vis: to adopt the style of dress in
which she then appeared, and march
Ia the preesalesm with it o the
Fourth of July.
There was not a single signature
rorthooming, and after some little
time the good lady-with a toss of
her bhead remarked that it was evi
dent the hearts of those present
were not in the movement.
One very thin lady said she
thought she could hardly consent to
wear therig that Mrs. Clark ap.
peared in, but she would like to
have a little discssion about under
clothes There was no doubt in bei.
miad but there was much room for
impr rement in the construction of
ladies' underwear. For her.4rt
she had always woro.n garters, but
she believed that to maintain the
ymmetry of the limb the stockinug
aboad be botoned to an elasutie
reaching to the cor-
A Lady, inu3lack (rising)-I al.
ways wear mine fastened to the
Mrs. Clark (hurriedly)-Doetor,
yaou ean't oome in jnst now. You
maust not be her,, sir.
The Lord's ietenanet had heard
a whisper of what was oing on
outside the door, and had glided In.
He retired mneh dkppulnted.
"As I was say eas-etlnd the.
thin lady, "I am ',ietly oppead
to bvbg th oe , w p of
seadety mp Its limh wth elastle I
garters. hbald be were with
elegies based atthe waist.'
h- lady t Ntask-Ast- I wa
I warl m i b ened
Oh! they stay p well enough on
Smg limbs, though I hardly think
from appearanoes, that they would
ona hi Ld (an grily)-ldeed,
Madam, I ues, i the truth was
Mrs. Clark (rapping on the ble)
i-The ladies will please maiutain
order. (Looking toward the door).
LDr. Pinkham, Iy'e told you before
that you cau't be here. You must
a go out, sir.
One or two of the ladies here
looked up and seeing the Vicegeront
I gave a little screamr, at which that
celestial being again withdrew with
a treoubled look. s
The Thin Lady (resuming)-There
i .another reform in underwear that
i would like to speak of, and that i
the abolishing of the chemise. T11,0
.never was a more useless garment
worn than that.
The Lady in Black (cruelly)
Nonsense; what would yeou wear in
Tile Thin lady--I wouldn't wear
Chorus of Voices-Oh, horror!
why, what would we look like t
The Lady in Black (maliciously)
Like schooners scudding under
Mrs. Clark-Ladies, it we can not
arrive at any conclusion with refer
ence to these great reforms, 1,think
we had better adjourn until next
At this, juncture a melancholy
looking lady of about fifty, who had
kept silent all through the proceed.
iegs, arose and said that there was
another matter that shle would like
to bring before the meeting, and
that was a subject which, if fully
understood and rightly appreciated,
would make ladies supremely happy;
would end their greatest troubles;
would enable them to keep their
youth and beauty, and keep their
husbalds in love with them much
better than shorter skirts or the abo.
lition ot the ornamental underwear
I which so much delights the eye.
There was an expression of won
der upon every face as the melan
cholylady made thislittle speech.
"I refer," she continued, "to the
necessity of retrenchment in child
'The Lady in Black (sententious.
ly)-Oh, nonsense! That's not to
be thought of. Why, how are you
going to prevent
The Thin Lady-I am decidedly
in favor of the lady's suggestion,
and 1 think it perfectly feasible.
The Lady in Black (with a sneer,
and a queer glance at the thin
lady)-I dare say.
Mrs. Clark (with a little smile)-,
I think two children are quite
enough to come into any "family.
The Lady in Black-That's all
very true, but how are you going to
regulate that except by total-
several Voices (interrupting)
Oh! we couldn't think of that!
Dr. Piukhsm (who had just come
in, despite repeated warnings)--Ahl
if you will excuse me, ladies, I think 1
in the realms of celestial tboughj
it will be impossible for spirits to
embody the conditions of their an.
thropophagal natures without rising
"--igtea shr--e- -The spirit l al
and other necessities of man and
the lower animals can not be sap.
plied is the celestial vaults of the
direct and positive channels pro
vided in the Universal Central Con.1
gress of Celestials and the World's i
Heaven!y Congress of Spirits, un.
The lady in Blark (interrupting) I
-, heavens! let's adjourn. The 1
Doctor has begun a speech.
After an agreement to discuss the I
propagation question the next meet.
ing, an adjournment was had until
April 27, at 3 p. m.--as Fraciaeo
A man outon West Hill was griev.
oualy tormented with a Thomas cat.
And he determined to slay the
same. 8o be caught the cat, put it
in a bucket, covered it with a board,
inteading to sit down on it, intend.
lag to 6l the bucket with *ater and
thes drown the T. C. But, as he
sat down, the active prisoner pushed
away the board, nd when the man a
eand esmtemred into the houae I
to look for the "Extract of Witch. I
Ilasel, he could not tell whether be
had just sat down on a stovelid, or I
merely slid down a shellbark biek. I
ry tree and ~it in a gooseberry boab.
And, that naght, a worn, sleriag
mwan, lyng on his thee tryilg to
etgh4 was e listened totshe
oin smile at a twevpoudeead
Au thiwthre Demsts ms
s•s t- leleia S th QCar
Those who dam read can eerne
ly realise the lfeasure derived from
literary pursuits, or the appetite
for reading which grows upon uas by
indulgeee. It opens to us a new
world; oew thoughts, new aspire
tous spring up, filling life with
countless riches. But care should
be used in the selection of books.
Mach of the morbid sentimental
writing of the day should be exelu.
ded from the family circle, andonly
such admitted as containo healthy
and truthful teachings.
Would that fathers and mothers
appreciated the great importance of
evening readings at home. How
many yeg men might thus he
-sved fi-l ruin by furnishing for.
hoe Betoe pleasures, instead of
leaving them to find their own
amusement among, perhaps, the die.
solute and degraded. Let them
rather listen to the reading of well
written stories or biographies, and
gradually they will become interest
ted, and learn to prefer the quiet en
joyments of home.
SMany think that all romances
should be excluded from the read
ing of the young. This is clearly a
mistake; for where else can they so
truly learn the manners and cus
tome of other countries? Histories
tell of their political events; and
while the greatest importance should
be attached to this class of reiding,
much can be learned from a lighter
class which it is not the province of
histories, travels or deeper works to
touch upon. Take for example the
pure writings of Fredrica Brewer,
from whose sweet home pictures we
have gathered more of the inner life
of Sweden than from all other
So also the grand old romances
of Sir Walter Scott, whose pages
embody so much of the early histo
ry of Scotland. And when op
pressed by care or sorrow, what a
relief to the mind is the perusal of
some of Dickens' stories, such, for
instance, as "David .C'opperfleld,"
or the "Old Curiosity Shop," which
so touched the heart that we cannot
wonder at the great good he has
accomplished. Many- writers ren
der us dissatisfied with life. Dick.
ens, on the contrary, by the magic
of hbis pen, infutses beauty into the
lowliest home, and we turn from his
pages contented with our Ist, seeing
new charms in the every day churnu
of our lives.
Among biographers we have our
own Washington Irving, whose pare
life and writings will ashine with an
diammed splendor through all time.
And thus could be enumerated
many whose lives have proved such
blessings to mankind.
Cultivate, then, this taste in your
families. Bring to your firesides
the rich treasures of genius, scatter
ed so profusely around us, and thus
prepare your children to enter upon
the great areua of life, strengthened
to resist its temptations.
Let them read of those men who,
by their indomitable energy and
pverseverance, bave overcome the
greatest obstacles; who through
privation and poverty, have won
the gratitude of the world by their
icTentifa discoveries, or whose elo
quence have stirred the heart of na
God has intrusted those ehildrel
to yoa-not simply to care for the
body, but also to cultivate-'the im
mortal mind. Seek, then, to awak
en within them an ambition to live
for some noble purpose, that they
may, when years have passed away,
look back with unmeasured bles
ings on the lessons learned at the
Bone Felon.-The London Lanoot
mays: "As soon as the disease is felt,
~ut directly over the spot a fly
blister about the size of your thmpab
nail and let it remain for six bours,
at the expiration of which time
uirectly under the surface of the
blister may be seeu.the felon, whieh
an instantly be taken out with the
point of a needle or a lanceSt."
Save and plant your peell-seed.
bhriodtry is poor in orchards, yet
nothing is more deserving our atteo
tioo n and industry. Let ur have
rlts of every d~escription and varie
t in town and country. Fruit is
-ealthy, ctonveleut, a lusary, sad
-may be made paSy welli uesathoms
- well as for the market, whieh the
rilroads are fust develogig.
The disagreeable taste gives to
milk Iad btter vies the evs are
d spus taralps mary be sretaally
.a--ed by s see d a little em
ise (or esispatre).
A pes , mm-purs-, mis -
hesIs Oa etg sad vest~uiud
u Ster beets, multd
mat-, baelid wdl s a-bnte.
Tihe Bea. E. W. Stomghtoe, as
societe eouasi with Everts before
the Electoral Comemimion, him of
the snowy looks, whom Pierrepoat
chiseled out of the Bglish tission,
will, we ae tickled to lear, io the
September number of the North
Amriace Renriew reply to Black's
article on the "Electoral Coaspir.
acy," which appeared in the July
Poor Stoughton! the' god have
made him mad, and delivered hibl
into the bands of tha.aoofer. Job's
prayer, that his enemy would only
write a book, is answered, after
many years, in the person of Judge
Black, and the pitiful condition of
the scabby patriarch will be rap
ture to that or 8toughton- when
"Joer" has done for him.
It is too late now to stay Stongh
ton's hand, or we would not breathe
a syllable of his intent. His article
mnat be set- up by this time, and
the proprietors of the Rerier,, know
ing what a demand it will provoke,
wouldn't distribute tho type for-any
price. Stoughton is foredoomed,
prede.tiHe as Ialznac would have call
ed him. In his article on the Great
Fraud Judge Black disappointed
the multitude, who missed the bi
ting irony and scathing anorn which
that gentleman commands in so
great degree. But to the critical,
it was evident that the emorcAetur
withheld his band for obvious rea
sons, and these confldently expected
that some rash creataet would criti
ciae his work and give him the
stimulus and provocation be needed
for the full sweep of his knife.
Stoughton has offered himself up as
theictim, and when Judge Black
has flayed him predict that no sue
cessor will tempt his fate. The
November number of the North
Americas Ieriew will be well worth
its cost, and we give it this notice
in advance, grstia.-O. 0. Dnesorrt.
No Distination of Color or Raeo.
Mr. Paris, a colored person wi9
has figured in our Legislature, and
Afed several positions of hbqor and
trust in the State governmeat, and
is a notable chief of the Radical par
ty in. the rear of the Third Ward, is
at present a suffering martjr to. his
principles. It happened thos Amopg
his other enterises, Paris kee
drinking boose at the corner of MI
rais and Canal. This "asloon," at
dram shops or doggeries are e
phemistically styled, is divided by
a latticed partition into twocompart
mentsa one for colored and the other
for white people. This division has
been regarded by some of the more
radical of the colored elemean as a
clear infraction of the 14th amend
ment, and of the State statutes so
vigorously administered by the late
Barney Lynob. One day last week
a very steot, able bodied colored
.mae, who holds this view, stpped
into the saloon to asslage his thirst,
walked up to the white attendant at
the bar, on the wrong side of the
partition and asked for a whisky
The attendant told him he most
Swithe ether-eatsof tk
screen, where colored men get their
"Is them the orders of Mr. Parls?
"Yes, sir," was thereply.
"Then call him in."
Paris was called, and appeared.
"Did you gie-any such orders as
dat niggers must go behind dat
screen to take deir drinks?"
"Yes sir, I did," was the prompt
"Then, I'l teach you to respect the
constitution." And with this the
stalwart African brother proceeded
to belabor the distinguished Radical
chief over the bead and shoulders
with a vigor which entitled him to
taike rank with Daniel Webster as
an expoundqr of the eonstitution.
Mr. Paris had to hastem to the rear
est apothecary to repair the damages
indlicted by his strict construction
brother--k. 0. DIm'erat.
A eertain pompous judge Amed
sveral lawyers 510 eaeb for sou
tempt of ooart. Alter they had
paid teimr Ian, a sieed.y-goag old
attorney walked gtravely ap to the
beanh ad laid down a te-dollar
bhilL "What s that for? inguired
tbe Jud.. "For eoutempt, rour
Homr? uWhy, I have not-bed
yous h a emspt." "I know tbatt?
said the tor y,"bet I wat you
to au·iwdr I abrui i- reat
aetempt fr this cour ll the time,
sad I - wilitag toejpy ir iL.
somelt/e, gt as sae
The washegtse W
lices 7ys the 3
have am etrasr
portan work l
atitutios prvldulh urn
oayelseleg ths |!
have to e..llr. the
labor "-"e the
ppnleve sad the
prspet tha tIh
rlroe ahLd. d.
rand b sers..
an aest wintr, o
St ese osene etr
-Ex -oernor i "he
out of politics. sad 3
time feeling the Igrum
for teeth, and-try e to
to walk. And w
simnltaneously . mitte
worst kind of noogat
ation colic, Pack s -4
bed and holds his heade
ears and says, "[email protected]
This is wore tbhn the
In Burlington the
the men ditto, the as
the old maridse are
cat don' agrlee, the
agree, they can' et
nail factories, rollg
they've got the m amp
wioo ping-ougb, n
corner lot on t the k M
thou lied. The mgie
ton neglect their doseled
think of sweet, leving
of each other the a s
night, Shake ts sad d
there never was but s
girl In Burlington, and sid
shabmed of It that sh
Muscatine mua na the s0110
of suicide, the eats as
doves and wooldn't kiae
howl "Maris" if they wateSd
editors are all brothers,
brothers, who aend seeka e
day presents of besuttlI
and ard wood and sadl
and bottled b-r b-r, aId
water works and nail
rolling mills and a
strikes sad three
everything. Comes lowe
us befoes you abue 5%
-ou, vemooame, ed
She wore a little
lowers upon her
hbe w bs abont to ress
i foest e a dsay, adlJuJ
lifted her ight to
skirts, tbe goldse
ths sabtts stopped s
sutcking e as sdlaS
a pulmpbealdle, Ild
with mnewafewn a, mI '
ia Ide baeek like seat
for war, he lisaghed t
al bad about it. I
-A Poertsweth, IU
who was ioasidreet
"come in" after he he
git home from e
other Sunday evesa , we
to stop to Oifky pyTes.t
eas-e on very see,
le one of o nr namb
rectel towa his
he took h hat sad lr
A fais male rse ibg
eays tbra '"whe enw the
-those SmMh, ead the._
tbo things her own pr
to wear, if t mwant Ar the
tion of solg she di
wh rbe shesld de.'
srain 1 seewehs
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