The Colfax Chronicle
Published by Chronicle Ptg. Co., Ltd.
H. G. GOODWYN, Managing Editor.
A calendar gives no trustworthy
tlne to weather.
No sunstrokes have thus far been
!reported this spring.
Life is getting to be Just one state
,convention after another.
Distinctly, the opening of the base
Iball season was not a frost
Now the umpire in his turn becomes
the object ot oratorical attack.
Nobody will care how much the fly
Is kicked arounL this summer.
You do not hear band musicians
Iobjecting seriously to political cam
A large spot has been discovered
on the sun. Draw your own political
When an editor becomes gloomy
he rises to predict the revival of the
Our notion of an easy Job is to
Spersuade a man to become a candi
date for office.
The incubator craze is leading to
numerous fires. This will not, how
ever. check the craze.
New York, the ,worst crowded me
,tropolls in the world, always has room
:for easy mark visitors.
The world certainly do move. It
has been lo! these many years since
we read a folding bed Joke.
Much more readily do some men
pay out hard cash to a baseball Im
presario than to a coal dealer.
Now they are going to grow Turkish
tobacco in California. Why not as
well as Havank or Connecticut?
A New York woman wants a di
vorce because her husband has an
other wife. Isn't she the finicky thing!
A Cleveland lawmaker insists that
amale bathers on the beaches be forced
to wear skirts. The shameless hus
The report that The Harvester was
told for $50,000 is enough to make
a· automobile salesman green with
The Little theater in New York is
said to be for intelligent people. Now
we know why it is called the Little
A license of $1 has been imposed
oe cats in New Jersey, but a license
on midnight ccvcerts would be pref
People who insist on building near
the Ohio and Mississippi rivers should
get on the safe side by building sky
That Missouri man who is hatching
grasshoppers to feed his chickens
abould be careful that the supply does
not exceed the demand.
While those reformers are invest!
gr.ting the basebag trust, we hope
they will estaMish an age limit for
Just to prove that there is nothing
new under the sun a Harvard profes
sor has discovered that women talk
A Harvard professor says Oklahoma
Is five years ahead of any other state.
It's a long way from Harvard to Ok
A European Judge has declared that
tt is not lawful to cheat American
tourists. Nor especially easy, we may
Why does no one ever intone a
hymn to the vernal recrudescene of
the chorus of the frogs? It ais not so
Some alarmist now announces that
sauerkraut is a dangerous explosive,
but we'd rather risk it than belled
A statistician teilt us that only
one song out of ninety-five becomes
popular. Judging from the popular
songs we have heard, the worst song
of the ninety-8five Is selected.
A military authority tells us that
Washington could be captured easlly
by a foreign foe. He does not realise
that myriads of office seekers would
arise to defend their chosen city.
A woman in Philadelphia broke the
record by obtaining a license to marry
three minutes after her divorce had
been granted. Compared to this, Phil
adelphia is even swifter than Reno.
Russia is said to be planning for the
greatest n-vy of dreadnoughts in the
world. And by the time it gets it built
dreadnoughts will be all out of style.
Navies are largely built to be thrown
on the Junk pile.
A Boston reformer says each bride
groom should have a certitioate of
nancital competence to support a
wife, and each bride a certificate of
cunlinary competence to feed a hus
land. In the absence of these there
should be no wedding ceremony.
FIERCE FIGHTING IN SACRED CITY OF TIBET
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HASA the sacred city of Tit has been the scene of bloody conflicts between the Chinese and the Tibetans
Lot late, several thousands of the city's inhabitants having been slain. The Chinese had possession and pil
laged and burned at will, but the Tibetans in large numbers surrounded the city and fought to regain It.
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ý HASA, the sacred city of Tibet, has been the scene of bloody conflicts between the Chiaese and the Tibetanr
L of late, sereral thousands of the city's inhabitants having been slain. :'he Chinese had possession and pil
lasyed and burned at will. but the Tibetans in large numbers surrounded the city and fought to resain it
WOES OF SAILORS
Grievances of British Tars Weak
ening the Navy.
Condition of Men on Lower Decks of
More Importance Than Building
New Ships-Reforms Are
London.-First Lord of the Admir
alty Winston Churchill is never long
out of hot water. This time he has
roused the indignation of the radical
extremista of his own party because
the reduction on the naval estimates
for the current year did -not go far
enough in the direction of retrench
ment to please them.
Whereas the "Little Englanders."
as they are called, hoped that a sav
ing of at least $5,000,000 would be
effected. Churchill only found it pos
sible to reduce the naval estimates by
just over $1,500,000. But if he has
not pleased some of his own parlia
mentary supporters, Winston Churchill
has been subjected to little but friend
ly criticism by the opposition, who
are bent on accelerating the building
program rather than retarding it.
While there has been the usual
amount of talk about new ships and
armaments, not much attention has
been paid to the factor without which
England's vaunted navy is useless
the man behind the gun. From time
to time it has been whispered that
there is considerable unrest in the
lower deck rating, where, says Lionel
Yexley, one of the service critics,
many grievances exist, which, unless
rectified, will one day shock John
Bull out of his complacency.
As the jackies are forbidden by
their terms of service to form a trade
union, the general public knows little
about their wrongs, and half an hour's
talk with some of the men at a naval
station is required to show that it is
lhfgh time some reforms were intro
duced on the lower deck.
Huntsman Brings Rare Birds
Will Donate to Zoological Gardens the
Game He Bagged From Long
Hunt!rg Expedition in Africa.
Cleveland. O.-Bronzed by tropic
suns, Kenyon V. Painter, prominent
Cleveland club man, has Just returned
from a world tour. Coincident with
his arrival in Cleveland a truck load
of boxes and cages were unloaded at
his estate on Shaker Heights.
The boxes contained live specimens
of the rarest tropical birds, the finest
collection ever brought to the United
States-most of the birds being the
first of their kind to reach this coun
Accompanied by his wife. Painter
searched the Orient for months. His
own efforts brought him scores of
specimens, and others he obtained
rom natives who brought them down
to the coast from regions where white
men are almost unknown, Singapore,
supplied many of the specimenls.
Painter's collection arrived in Cleve
land in good condition. Many of the
birds will be forwarded to the N:a
tional Zoological gardens in Washing
ton. to which Painter has been a fre
Birds of all sizes and colors flit
about the cages in Painter'd aviary.
Pigeons from Burma, as large as
chickens, that lay eggs of proportion
ate size, are in a cage beside one con
taining mites of birds from Ceylon,
which look more like insects.
Long-!egged birds with short bills
birds with long bills, and all in form
All the trouble has arisen through
the conversion of the warship from a
stately sailing vessel into a floating
gunnery platform. Much of the work
and discipline necessary to the early
form of fighting ship has been retain
ed on the latest types, where cleanli
ness is still the fetich. Most of the
unrest is undoubtedly due to the way
punishment is meted out for minor of
fenses entirely void of criminality. All
the disciplinary regulations, Lionel
Yexley points out, were framed "when
the seaman's main duty was to pull on
ropes and to punish him if he did not
get from one to another quick enough,
but you cannot drive men to shoot
straight with modern ordinance.
"The state employs the sailor dur
ing the day at work which calls for
the full use of cultivated intelligence,
and then it will take him and stand
Yarn Made From Nettles
German Mapazine Says "Stinger is
Boiled Into Flax and Used as Cot
Breslau.-The much abused stinging
nettle has, it seems, a commercial
value. A German magazine says a
process has been discovered by which
the nettle can be made to yield a sup
ply of smooth, bleached, spinnnable
yard at a price considerably less than
that of raw cotton.
The nettles are harvested twice a
year, and when dry they lose the pow
er to sting and can be handled like
flax to remove the leaves and twigs.
The naked stems are then boiled
in diluted soda lye in open kettles for
half an hour or so, until the fiber be
gins to loosen, when it is separated by
a revolving brush machine. The proc
ess of refinement is completed by re
peated bollings, and by thorough wash
ings, also under pressure.
The product now consists of perfect
ly clean "degummed" lustrous fibers
and coloring look like comic opera
members of the bird kingdom. The
composite sound of bird voices from
the collection resembles a Chinese
Only one note of discords pnters into
Painter's satisfaction over his trip.
After a long search of Borneo, Suma
tra and Java he got three specimens
of the Malay water deer, one of the
rarest of animals. At San Francisco
government officials would not allow
them to be larded l1cause of a pro
The deer are only ten inches high.
but were classified as deer neverthe
less. The New York zoological gar
dens and the San Francisco soo are
now engaged in a competitive effort to
cause the government to relent and
allow them to take the animals.
Phone Sets Robber Flying
Yeggman Runs From House as If He
Had Been Shot Down From
York, Pa.-A telephone in the home
of Dr. W. A. Yeagy of Dillsburg made
an excellent burglar alarm.
Robert Baily, living not far away,
detected a man in the act of crawling
through a window into the home of
the physician. Not caring to risk an
ecounter with the would-be thief, he
went to his telephone and called up
Looking out again he saw the burg
him in a dark corner for two hours
each night because he did not have
his cap on straight or dared to wear a
waist belt to keep his trousers up."
Another of the seaman's grievances
relates to the decreased chance of
promotion owing to the increase in
the number of stokers in the person
nel. The leading seaman complains
that he has less chance than ever ofý
becoming a petty officer. Increased
pay is also another demand of the
lower deck. An experienced able sea
man, if married, is expected to sup'
port a home on Just under $3 a week;
less the cost of his uniform.
It is not suggested by any one that
the English jackies are on the brink
of mutiny, but it is known in the best
informed circles that a large propor
tion of them are discontented, and as
the first line of defense is not the
ships, but the men, pressure is being
brought to bear on the admiralty to
hold an impartial inquiry into the
facts of the case.
of a yellowish tint. Proper bleaching
methods change this color to daszzling
white, at the same tidpe heightening
the natural luster.
The nettle fiber is now ready to be
treated like other textile threads-that
is to say, it can be combed, carded
and spun. When all is done the fin
ihhed yarn is as soft and smooth as
flax, with only a slight "woodiness"
remaining. If there is anything in this
process the nettle will certainly cease
to be a despised weed.
Boy Has 24 Fingers.
Bilbao, Spain.-A woman called at
the hospital here, bringing her son,
who has enormous hands and twelve
fingers on each. The most curious
part of the case is that all her sons
possess similar hands. One has twen
ty-one fingers, another twenty-three
and the other five children twenty
four fingers each. All are living and
enjoying good health. Many doctors
are studying these cases.
TRAIN ESCAPED BIG SLIDE
Engineer of Passenger Saw a Moun
tain Slide in Washington
Just in Time.
Ellensburg, Wash.-Barely five min
utes before the Chicago, Milwaukee &
Puget found "Olympian" train from
Chicago was due to pass the point an
avalanche swept down the mountain
between Lacenia and Rockdale, bury
ing the tracks, destroying a bridge
and damming a creek. The engineer
of the train saw the obstruction and
brought his train to a standstill
Land Office 100 Years Old.
Washington-Commissicner of the
General Land Office Fred Dennet is
planning a celebration of the 100th
anniversary of the establishment of
the office. The first commissioner was
appointed May 7, 1812.
lar make his exit as though fired from
a gun. The telephone bell had done
the work. Nothing was missing, ex
cept a few dollars from a drawer of
Equitable Los 8mall.
Albany. N. Y.-Examiners of the
state insurance department report that
aside from the loss of records, the
pecuniary loss from the fire which de
stroyed the Equitable Life Inasurance
society's home oillce last January was
Not Seen in Congressional Record
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uM - I AM
S MRR. PE
W ASHINGTON.=-In a way a very
ludicrous thing happened in one
of the committee rooms recently when
the official reporter declared that the
documents submitted in a certain case
were fabricated, because they read
"too smoothly" and that men did not
talk that way. The stenographer lost
his job, but the fact remains that
members of congress and United
States senators are absolutely depend
ent upon the official stenographers for
decent records of the scattering and
often incoherent and original speeches
which they make in congress. It is
positively funny to listen to some
of the speeches, and then read the
same speech as It is ironed out for
print in the Congressional Record.
A representative, for instance, gets
up and says: "Mr. Speaker-Mr.
Speaker-am I recognized, Mr.-ur
Speaker-ur-ur--Speaker ? I-ur
have-ur-ah been ah-ur-llstening
-ur with a good deal of interest, sir
-I mean Mr.-ur-Speaker, to the
ur-remarks, sir-I mean-nr, Mr.
Speaker-ur-Mr. Speaker - from
Wayback, and-ur-I want to say,
Mr. Speaker-ur--ah-uh, that, Mr.
Speaker-ur, representing the consti
tuents of a-ur-a-ur great congres
slonal district of more than 200,000
members, sir, I mean-nr. Mr. Speak
Stakes Sandwich on Seat in Congress
U'NIQUE among the candidates who
V ran the other day in the Pennsyl
vania primaries is Dr. Moses Stern
of Philadelphia. candidate for the
Democratic nomination for congress
in the Third district. Dr. Stearn filed
with South Trimble, clerk of the
house of representatives, a sworn
statement that his expenses in the
primaries amounted to 25 cents.
When he read the morning papers
Dr. Stearn probably learned whether
the bread which he cast upon the wa
ters was returned unto him many
fold. He frankly confessed that he
wanted to get on the public pay roll
with a warm seat in congress before
the country went bankrupt.
He was a bit worried lest a part of
his expenditure may not have been
regular. He insisted that he has
bribed no one, but admitted that he
did purchase a small chicken sandwich
"for a colored gentleman." The rest
of the 25 cents was spent for ten two.
cent stamps, which were used to mail
his nomination papers to the proper
Dr. Stearn gave the house much in
formation about himself and his ambi
tions, as well as his campaign, in the
statement which he made to the clerk.
Here are some choice extracts from his
"I hope you have no complaint
His Bride's Name Slipped from Mind;
- 1R MIl AME
] . I VEA
ý,cý"-1 ,-U~ N
WHEN George H. Covert, a sales
man, living at the Y. M. C. A.,
walked into the marriage license bu
reaq, in City Hall the other day to
apply for the necessary paper which
would enable him to become the hus
band of Miss Vera Ione Murray, a
Washington girl, Covert was nervous
-naturally. But his plunge into the
matrimonial sea; clerks of ezperiece
say, affected him in a most unusual
vay. He forgot the name at his bride
Covert approached Olerk Kroll
shortly after three o'clock in the aft
ernoon and applied for a marriage li
cense. The clerk obligingly issued it.
and asked no questions. Names are
Sad Predicament of Two Politicians
W HIIE Colonel Walter Watkins of
Tennessee was in Washington r
cently he told about the tad predica
ment two citizens of his state got into
talking politics while traveling east
some years ago on a Pullman car. It
was a hot night and sleep was impos
sible. They were in the smoking
room, and fell to talking about state
affars. While thus engaged an old
grizzled, gaunt man came in, clad as
beftted a torrid night, and began
smoking. The two politicians kept up
their talk and were regretting how
poorly their state was represented at
Washington. They were somewhat
sarcastic in referring to the senato
rial delegation and declared that
younger and more vigorous men were
"Looking at our senators," was re
marked. "Ihey are played out. Bate
is od and Harris is dried ta and use
Jist then the si stranger na the
er, I cannot afford-ur to sit here and
hear these constituents, sir-ur in
sulted, sir, by remarks, sir, I mean,
Mr. Speaker, of the gentlemen from
Wayback, and -ur I stand here, sir,
in the presence of the great American.
-ur--~ur people to defend, yes, sir,
to defend the bringing, sir, upon my
constituents, sir, that is-ur satisfao
tory-ur to all when I was elected
ur to this honorable body, sir. But,
sir-I mean, Mr. Speaker." And
about this time the gavel of the
speaker comes down with a bang that
rattles the medallions in the glass
ceiling, and he says just as easy: "The
time of the gentleman from -- has
expired," and his oratory is -cut
short. Now, you don't suppose for
once that that sort of stuff is going
to appear in the Congressional Rec
ord. No, indeed. The oficial stenog
rapher has taken down every "uh
and ah," and goes to the little desk
at the end of his five minutes' stands,
and talks it into the dictograph just
as smooth and pretty as anything you
ever read in your life, and it comes
out just as though Mr. Representative
was an orator of the first class, and
he sends it back to his constituents,
and they think he's wonderful to
speak right on the floor of congress
in that wonderful way.
It is the general belief among news
paper readers that it is the so-called
"Backwoods" statesmen, who are the
gullty ones in this respect, but the of
ficial stenographers say that the re
marks of some of the "nembers known
throughout the land as brilliant ora
tors, would at times look something
like the foregoing.
! JdIST WWWptK
,,5 ý ARE iULAR
ablrt my extravagant expense a
"I had no kind friend to lend me
$10,000 cash to help me push my
campaign for congress.
"I am satisfied nearly all of my con
stituents are the salt of the earth.
"My friends put my hat in the ring,
and they say it is constitutional.
"As a candidate I have been implor
ing voters to aid me to get on the
public pay roll in Washington and get
nice and warm in my seat in con
gross before the United States treas
ury becomes bankrupt and pawns our
beautiful building, our national cap
itol, to my Uncle Rothschild.
"It has been my soaring ambition
all this summer to be on a street
corner speaking on a soap box and
face a bitter contest of mollycoddlers
in my Third congressional district un
til the polls close Tuesday, November
"I have not bribed any voter, but
did buy a small chicken sandwich for
a colored gentleman."
never questioned in the bureau, and,
anyway, a young man about to take
unto himself a wife Is supposed to be
thoroughly familiar with said wife's
name and address.
However, Covert informed Kroll
that his bride-to-be was Miss Vera
lone. The license was issued to
George H. Covert and Miss Vera lone,
and the minister delegated to tie the
knot was the Rev. Charles Wood. Not
until the bridal pair reached the par
sonage did they discover the grave
error made by Covert, and a hurried
trip was made to the home of CoL
John E. Young, clerk of the court,
who rectified the error, and promised
to make the necessary change in the
omcial record book as soon as he
reached his once next morning.
The knot was tied immediately, and
Covert attributes the mistake to the
fact that he was nervous-this being
his first venture. He has been exon
erated by Mrs. Covert, nee Vera lone
" o you ustaou
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o Ourrs It
corner arose and with gestres of a
pristeighter began to abuse and
scarify the two talkers, who trped ia
wonderment. When the irate old man
subsided the politicians exclaimed:
"Who are you to be so upset about
"I am Senator Harrs," said the
stranger in tones that could be heard
above the rumbling of the train, "and
I have a mind to throw both of you
out of the window."
They had not recognised the se
stor in his psaimas In the pemi-darke
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