Newspaper Page Text
The Colfax Chronicle
Published by Chronicle Ptg. Ce*,I
H. G. GOODWYN, Managing Editib
cO - v LOUISIANA
What is so useless as a pair of tight
kid gloves in zero weather?
A Minnesota man fasted for 105
days, this being just 104% days too
long for us.
A Chicago jurist says that a motor
cycle is a dangerous weapon. He
must ride one.
The spring fashions will be devoid
of curves. Again, the thin woman
comes into her own.
A new Japanese battleship is called
Helyel. Sounds more like a battle
cry than a battleship.
The women of France are not good
cooks, according to expert evidence.
But, ah. the styles they wear!
A Paris doctor has discovered a
means of fattening one by electricity.
It must be a shocking operation.
A Chicago woman says she can't
live on $10,000 a year. She might try
starving to death on that allowance.
A New York woman, under a vow
of silence, hasn't spoken to her hus
band for eleven years. Lucky man!
Rats are causing much trouble in
Washington by devouring postage
stamps. Why not poison the stamps?
Kansas City complains that it is
overrun with takers. Is Kansas City
easy, or are the fakers hard put to
Mexicans are abandoning bull fight
ing for automobile racing. Hard to
say whether it's progress or retrogres
Baltimore has a store with displays
of rubber shoes for dogs. Another
step in their anti-noise crusade, per.
The Chinese have taken to wearing
derby hats. Just wait till the hobble
skirt strikes the land of cherry blos
Spain has set about building a new
navy. Doubtless it will take better
are of the new navy than it did of
Albatross eggs are esteemed a i
great delicacy in Hawaii. Hen's eggs
are esteemed a great delicacy in z
A scientist comes to the front now I
with the agile suggestion that poverty
Mauses bow legs. Is that why Jockeys i
have them? 1
A Missouri woman lost two hus
bands by lightning. And yet they say
lightning never strikes twice in the
same Tlaes. b
A Washington bride wore a pair o
$60 dilk stockings, says an exchange,
and displayed only about 82.2 worth
ot 'em at that
Another pleasant thing about sold
snaps is that they are never compli
eated with 4amae by lightning and
A Detroit man wants a divorce be.
ease his wife talbk too much. Like
a man suing a city for allowing him
to commit suicide.
San Franeisco authorities detained
a woman who had sixteen trunks, and,
although that was not the cause, it
was case enough.
Nine people were killed during the
twenty-day rabbit hunting season in
Ohio. 8tranp how eay it is to ni- i
take a man for a rabbit.
A Tacoma man, aequitted by a ury,
kissed three of them. They were
women. We see right now where
feminine juries become mighty popu
Navy offcers Imprisoned chickens in
the turret eof the ram Katadiln and
then shot at it with gns. This is the oi
poorest way to kill a chicken we ever
The man with a cold In his ead is
a menace to society, say the doctors.
Another menace to society is the man c
who habiltually suffers from "cold
feet" uas a crisis.
Three college men out on a celebra
tion smashed an automobile and were
promptly thtashed by the owner, who
proved a football star. It always pays
to investiat in such cases before ta- p
Half way down from the top flight er
of staire at an elevated railway sta- th
tion one morning not long ago a man ca
stopped to read the conspicuous sign, be
"Look where you step!"-and fell 1f
down the rest of the way.
One of those college savants pro -m
poses to teach wives how to spend oE
money. Only one guess is permitted
as to whether he is married or not. th
A New York divine degpaire becamuse w
miaisters are paid less than laborer.. m
Mut laborers are in greater demand in do
New York city than am mfnisters. tha
A one-legged nman walked from Jack
soavlle, FI.. to New York. We W
suld thias that a man who has only an
eo leg weudd take better care of It ins
tha- thb wil
Distinuished Children Play in Capital Parks
DJistinguished Children Play in Capital Parks
W SHINGTON.-Washington is fuall
of parks and the parks are tfull of a
perfectly democratic bunch of young
sters, but nevertheless probably the
most distinguished aggregation of lit
tle folks to be found in the world.
certainly the most distinguished to be
found in the parks of any American
Among the children in whom
everybody is Interested are the two
little granddaughters of William Jen
nings Bryan. Young William Jen
nings, Junior, is in Washington at
tending the law course of Georgetown
university and living with his young
wife and his two baby girls, Mary 8,
and Helen V. Bryan, out on Biltmore
Another very, very distinguished lit
tle lady in the matter of ancestors,
past and present, is chubby little
Bdith Grant, child of Lieutenant and
Cupid Goes Out Window at Sight of Policeman
A REV. W. . Howard was about to
say "I pronounce you man and
wife' to fifteen-year-old Elizabeth
Walker and Frank Tolson, nineteen
years old, the other evening at the
clergyman's home, a policeman en
tered the room and arrested them.
The bridegroom and Elizsabeth, with
tears in their eyes, begged the police
man to wait a few minutes before
arresting the bride. They showed him
We license and the ring, but he re
The next day the principals in the
near-wedding scene appeared before
Judge De Lacy in the Juvenile court,
and they stoutly maintained that they
intended to be married anyhow.
It developed in the hearlang in court
that a previous attempt to marry Tol.
ion had resulted in Elizabeth's ar
rest on a charge of incorrigibility for
which she was placed on probation
for three months.
The Judge tried to show her that
her life, marred to young Tolson.
would not be all roses.
"Can you make bread, Elizabethr"
the court inquired.
"Yes, sir" she replied, hopefully.
Wanted Only $20,000,000 of Uncle Sam's Money
IKE TO I RE,
WH a Chicao attorney walked
nV into the omee of the secretary
of the treasury the other day PFrancs
W. Taylor, Secretary MacVeash's
prtvate seeretary, was prepared to do
anything in his power for him. Chi
cago is Mr. MacVeagh's home town,
and, besides, Mr. Taylor had heard of
the caller as a prominent attorney.
The private secretary managed to
keep from showinlg his alarm, how
ever, when the visitor said in a matter
of fact way that he wanted a check
for $20,000,000, which he declared the
government owed him.
"The secretary is very busy and I
would not dare act on a big affair like
this." Mr. Taylor said. "If you will
call later in the day I will have the
check ready for you."
The man prowlsed to do so and de
parted. He did not return. Mr.
Society Women Roll and Crawl for Good Figures'
"oMINENT' women rolling on the
Sfloor to aid the suppleness and
beauty of their figure; prominent gov
ernment officials seeking to reduce
their weight by the same means,
can be seen daily in many of the
best homes of the national capital,
if one could only see some of the
prominent society folk within the
sanctity of their private lives, accord
ing Dr. William C. Woodward, health
offcer of the district.
Not only do many of the people do
this, Doctor Woodward said, but tiey
likewis' derive much of the benefit
which they seek by this strange
method, and it is this habit which
does much to give Washington women
the name they have for graceful, well
Another prominent physician of
Washington, whose large practice
among society folk gives him a great
insight into their private lives, differs
with Doctor Woodward. Dr. harry
Mrs. U. S. Grant II. She is the great
granddaughter of President Grant, the
granddaughter of Gen. Fred Dent
Grant and Senator Elihu Root, Ms.
Grant being the daughter of the New
No little girl in Washington at
tracts quite so much attention as does
little Millicent Change, granddaugh
ter of the Chinese minister and the
only female member of the minister's
family who wears American dress.
But when little Miss Millicent goes
for her daily walk in the park there
is no smarter frocked little lady, and
with her round, rosy face and her
intensely dark eyes she is a mighty
Washington doesn't see much of the
McLean baby, for his parents are in
deathly fear of his being kidnaped,
letters threatening such a thing hav
ing been received by them two years
ago in Newport. For some time there
after the little heir to all John
Walsh's millions went out with a
nursemaid and a guard, his baby car
riage of stout steel and the dear lit
tle fellow locked inside of what lit
erally was a cage. He is not among
the children who run unhampered
and only nominally watched by the
gossiping nursemaids who speak
every known language, under the sun.
"Cook a steak?" the court asked.
"Oh, yes. That's nothing."
"Can you darn socks and sew on
"Well, do you like to do these
Elizabeth hepltated a moment, and
then decided that she did.
"You seem to be better fitted for
getting married than I supposed at
first," said Judge De Lacy. "But yeou
are silly to be thinking to be persis
tent in your idea of marrying this boy,
I'm going to place you in care of the
board of children's guardians."
Mrs. Walker expressed herself as
pleased with this turn in her daugh
ter's fortunes. The girl was taken
upstairs, and Tolson left the court
Taylor telegraphed friends in Chi
cago and was informed that his vis
itor was mentally deficient.
"That Is only one of many queer
experiences I have had since I have
been with Mr. MacVeagh," Mr. Taylor
said. "The 'conscience fund' furn
ishes some odd episodes. One day
a Catholic priest came in and handed
me $1,500 in bills. This is for the
conscience fund, he said. 'I can
give no other detalsW.'
"t'- another accasioa we received
a money order for $32.000. No word
of explanation accompanied this con
tribution. Only the other morning I
received a letter with ten cents in
stamps. The writer, a woman, said
she had used five two-cent stamps
which had not been cancelled and
wished to make restitution. We of
ten get letters inclosin a penny.
Most of these. I believe, are from
"There is one man who faithfully
sends $10 on the first of every month.
He is evidently employed in the
Portsmouth (N. H.) navy yard. He
wrote saying he had misused several
hundred dollars of the government's
money and would send $10 monthly
until it was squared and his con
H11R0 W0ý! 'IA?!
A. Sellhausen, attending physician at
man; of the embassies and legations,
who was recently decorated by
Francis Joseph. emperor of Austria,
for his services to Baron Hengel
muller, the retiring dean of the diplo.
matic corps, is opposed to the rolling
method of developlng the grace of the
figure. He favors crawling on hands
and knees. This method may not re
duce the weight as well as rolling
on the floor, but it tends to strengthen
the muscles of the back and to add
grace to the lines of the walst
PUDDING BELL STILL RUFIG
ChO,.b i the County Palanpe Qives
Wareing It is Time to Begig
Concerning church bells Mr. Feank
Hird tells of the quaint customs whieh
are still observed in some of the par
ishes In the County Palatine.
Before the Reformation the great
bell of the parish was rung on Shrove
Tuesday to call the people together
for the confession of their sins, or to
be "shriven;" hence the name of the
day. "This bell." says Mr. Hird, "Is
still rang in some parts of Lancashire,
and is still called the 'Pancake Bell,'
being now regarded only as .a signal
to the people to begin trying their
e "In some villages a bell Is rung as
Lt the congregation is leaving the church
r. after the morning service. This Is
w known as the 'Pudding Bell,' it hav
ing been firmly believed for many gen
t- erations that It is rung to warn those
e at hoe to get the dinner ready.
i" T origin of the ringing of this
e bell is not known, but like many' oth
5 er old customs, It still lingers in the
L remoter parts of the country, an
5 nopncing to the village that the serv
SIe ia over and that 'pudding time
r "So late as. 1870 the curfew bell
Swas rung at Burnley, Colne, jIlack
burn, Padham, and in many other
° towns and villages. This, perhaps, is
the most remarkable instance of the
persistence of an old custom centuries
after it has ceased to have any rea
SAW BEAUTY IN FROG SONGS
Their Voices, in Concert, impressed
the Great Naturalist, John Muir,
The love songs of the frogs seemed
hardly less wonderful than those of
the birds, their musical notes varying
from the sweet, tranquil, soothing,
peeping and purring of the hylas to
the awfully deep, low bass, blunt bel
lowings of the bull frogs. Some of
the smaller species have wonderfully
clear, sharp voices, and told us their
good Bible names in musical tones
about as plainly as the whippoorwill.
Isaac, Isaac; Yacob, Yacob; Israel.
Israel; shouted in sharp, ringing far.
reachng tones, as If they had all been
to school and severely drilled in elo
oation. In the still, warm, evenings,
big, bunchy bull trogs bellowed,
Drunk! Drunk! Drunk! Jugo'-rum,
Jug-o'-rum!" and early in the spring
countless thousands of the commoneast
species, up to the. throat in cold wa
ter, sang in concert, making a mass
of music, such as It was, load enough
to be heard at a distance of more than
half a mile.
Far, far apart from this load marsh
music is that of the manly species of
hylas, a sort of soothing, immortal
slling the air like light.-John Muir,
In the Atlantli.
The snapping turtle, according to
Emerson, will seise a stick and hold
It If his head is cut off; break the
eggs of the young and before his oyes
are open he will bite fiercely; so he
will bite befbre he is born and after
he is dead; and similar courage the
philosopher observes in wasps ants
and cocks. A step higher is the cour
age of the timid hen ruffing her feath-,
ers and attacking a dog in protectkio
of her young When salmal and
moral courage combine in a great
need, as at Thermopylae. or on the
Titanic, they inspire us always. What
we need oftenest, however, is the coule
age to meet the requiremenits of every
day; to defy convention, or to obey it;
to think alone, or to submit; to be
willingly poor; to disenss selence and
poetry and man's welfare in a firol
onus and luxury-lovlng company.-Cel
Wiedom of Bank of England.
Here's an item about the Bank of
Englsand: The Bank of England huas
decided that certain tanks shall not
be do:ne on dark days. (The skeptical
may say that those tasks thea are
not likely to get dene In London, but
ano matter!) It has been discovered
that the clerks are not so ecurate
when it rains as when the sun shines
Their accounts suffer in the fog. And
the Bank of England-the last place
on the earth where we'd expect to find
a matter of this sort considered, a
matter of a somewhat psychic nataure
-the Bank of England tells its vari
ous young men to wait untik a sunny
day to do the tasks that are most dif
ficult The world is getting wiser.
It is getting wisdom.
When Missourl Was 8pansleh.
After Great Britain had recoganised
the independence of the United 8tates,
Spain feared that the new nation
would"attempt to seize the 8panisb
province of Louliana. Accordinly
instructions were lIsued to the com
mandants at 8te. Genevieve, 8t. Lous
and otbhqr settlements to "be on the
lookout Tor all sorts of information
and. advices which he may obtain Io
regard to the movements of the
United States and give informatie ton
the lieutenant governor and this gow
ernment whenever a saltable oppo~
"Did you see them watering the
stock today, dear" asked the eitp
woman of her husband, on tbeir va
"No," replied the head of the I
corporation; "not sinace I left the oP
fee last week." I
7T1sk, at Time, tat Sbhe Wer
o Die. Saves Herself, Al.
TYeCm Gir WbseTreIes
t Were Similato Hern.
r Clarksvlle, Tean.-Mrs. H. Ma
to son, of this place, writes: "I want to
he write you a few lines in regard to
Is your medicine, Cardul, the woman's
11,' Before my marriage I lived in Mv
al ansville, Ind. I suffered very much
air with womanly trouble. I thought, at
times, that I would nearly die with
pains in my stomach, and backache.
a I saw your medicine advertised, and
sent and got a bottle. The first bottle
1i helped me, and I havent been both
iv- Bred with any of my old troubles since.
m- After my marriage, I lived in Mt.
so Vernon, Ind., and one of my neighbor's
girls sufered like I did. I told them
to give her Carduli, the woman's tonic,
as it would help her, and it certainly
- did, right away.
* I will surely recommend Cardul to
-all women, for I think it is a good med
7'- line for all kinds of womanly
If you are suffering from any of the
M ailments peculiar to weak women,
k such as headache, backache, sideache,
nervousness, sleeplessness, etc., we
urge you to give Cardul, the woman's
Stonic, a trial.
i It should surely do for you, what it
es has done for thousands of others, in
a- the past half century, who suffered
with similar troubles.
Begin taking Cardul today. Your
druggist sells it.
S Ni~ -uiomC g.s Ca. LAdW
Problem in Physics.
A native of T., on the coast of Scot"
land, when the contract for the build- a
lt ag of the first three steamers fitted
with electric lights at the local ship
yard was completed, formed one of
the social party gathered to enterta*n l
1- the electricians, says Ideas. Ia ad
t burst of eandor and comradeship, he a
y was heard to say to one of the wire. t
M "Mon, Peter, efter workin' wl' you a
L on they boats, I believe I could put in o
the electric iUcht masel', but there's 11
h only one thing that bates me."
"Aye, aye, Sandy, what Is that?"
inquired his interested friend, willingl t
to help him if it lay in his power. t
"Weel, men," replied Sandy, "it's f
fulst this: I dinna ken hoo yet get
the Le tae rin alang the wires."
AN UNWELCOMqE TOPIC.'
De Qula-Pald for your Christmas
De Whis-Say, let's talk about some- to
t thing more agreenale.
Made a Complete Job.
"Mrs. Dungleford, has your husband
been cured of his eacoathes seribe.- a
"I-I think so; the surgneons took
that out when they removed his vet
or Knunt sad Chldan.
The Kind You Have
,ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT
ep'rahimf Bears the
Opium.Morphine nor Mineral
NOT NAR C OTIC
-iUJ - In
f -"Av5 W'" US&WZM e
xaact CoPy of W U per. OI. . ,, NO.o. ,,,, gn.
oETWil MFOR #0.0
5 essorlpuir efr Positive Resuts
Pine Compound (Cocentrated ).
Take theso two iredinent hoe and
Sut. thom T o hal pt of good wise
key. Sake we Tak oneto two tear'
dnoosls aftr eac ,meal and at beo
tne. dmtlh . doses to childrena8
cordla to age This Is sd to be te
wcamt cough sad cold cure hnwnmr
t) ONWM I profession. Be sure to get
to only the genuine Globe Pine CompOun
(Concentrated Pine). Each half ounce
battl coaes In a tia screw-top salee
"We dised out last e utiOf sg Pto
case. It your druggist I out.of stoc
he will qiickyN t _ n o his whole
ale hous t. e, t ool with unecdat
mixtures. It I risky. Local dugg
say tharstfor the past r yeor thais
at had a wonderful demand Publioh d
Sthe Globe Pharnmaceuticl iaboraorl o
a of Ccago.i d.
i e DISGRACED:
Get to the end f hthe dIan
with three forks and two sdpoons t
PI mF Ib S e a Enid.
ocurvse ats th Bankoat by and, dan
a don, a few dai ao. The fiv brok
othe ba0dl t Tm h r oorin and oistm
U bntbu.,ws dlcotered b the Dan
aof i la d athr, and subde
by thir own applinces A 'b nn
rues. A iemtenat and dosan men
"of t e lish Gourds on nduty t the
Igalak, sith fd bayonet s. sudsted
'th t p toce n keepn the crowd lam
Sfm the builing.
Fir Inalan otfEnl d
Reprh e at veo Put was tlrin In
Wa sdnton hborut the ourraed.
"It must bad an a he id. b"t
must bIs no automonthaely and dolt
at ly. It must resmble the Chratun
"'Oh, John, der,' said this chap'.
wlan, 'I'm aorry you've ot all thos e
heavy palcel to cary!''
"Well, you see,' John panted. r
murienly, tmy potoet s very mucI
Washter nor.' t
.t us tiaote,.
"What haveo you ever done to clam
disticioan? In other words, wbht
have you ever done that wa orlginal
or out o the ordinery?"
"I ohce had a part in the actuat
trsfer. of sveral saes of stock
on the New York exchne."
"Is thnt a monthly roeser
"It looks more liko n wesal on
The Cordina e'
"Ca you wife r , keep a ae
"Ca , If thdaere Is nobody
around fr her to tell It to."
"Do you flde you lotters
"I do tha rapmnhy us