Newspaper Page Text
5.· J: ": 1'1+ ; i '115 @ $ 1 4in s Nine Tons at Fat Men's Club Banquet in Boston DOSTON.-Seventeen thousand two hundred and fifty pounds of fat men sat down at the banquet of the U'nited States Fat Men's club, at the Revere house, on a night not long ago. An estimate has not yet been made of the weight of food consumed, or of the bulk of zizzles and foam that helped the gastronomic communion. Need less to aver, the totals in all cases S- at such a time were big '0at For be it known, that there is a ScNew England Fat Men's club. noted throughout the universe as the live liest membership for the load of duty which membership entails in the his Story o fat men's clubs: and that most of the members of this organiza- Mab tion belong to the greater, wider and more expensive-a phrase frequently heard during deliberations of the so cliety-United States Fat Men's club. riding Fat men smile so easily and so happily, it is like takin a turn in Eden Oh to interview one of them. "Nobody loves a fat man, except a reporter,' may be an improvement on a proverb whose truth has never yet been proved. One I'm al fat man spoke with true-hearted, whole-hearted sincerity of his delight at tea sizing up the situation" "Did you ever see a fat man who was in a great deal of trouble.' he strike summed up, while he forgot himself long enough to try to cross his legs. Ih "You rarely, almost never see one in court, unless he goes to watch a thin thatc man get tried; he usually has enough money to keep soul and body together" throuw --whhh is some stunt under these certain circumstances--"and he generally but tC has a happy family to sit around him." the f "Are fat men happy?" was another question. "Happy?" was the reply. "Never sa., one that didn't smile when his sign 1 face is at rest, did ydu? That's the sign of happiness; watch it for yourself." it Lion Young Fly Killers in St. Louis Were Too Busy th T. LOUIS.-Buying flies at ten cents the hundred early in the year is at- mend S tended with great danger of financial disaster, as several women, mem bers of the Consumers' league, discovered the other day. The day's returns ti d totaled more than 60,000, which meant with that more than $60 had to be paid -.* I th out. The women soon found their ,. * that available cash exhausted in the face ..'' , 2 try t of this unexpected demand, and had .\ old to'-issue certificates of indebtedness old i to many school children. read The league, which has always "T fought for purity of food supplies, de cided to start in early this year with a swat-the-fly campaign. It offered the 0 J Tu ten cents a hundred prize to school ' Tb children, and the school children im* whit mediately became industrious. It was announced that committees would visit open the public schools on Fridays and Saturdays and redeem with cash the swat- fish ted flies. man Things went along smoothly enough until a delegation of women visited undi the Baden school, Halls Ferry road and Newby street, Friday. They were TI dumfounded when the boys and girls of the institution exhibited all that was ed f mortal of 24,000 flies. That meant bounties of $24. stru That so many flies could have been killed in that time so early in the turn season appeared incredible to the women. They consulted Dr. G. A. Jordan, the assistant health commissioner, who sent a man to investigate. TJie investi- ,I gator reported that there were breeding places of flies in that neighborhood "'B which could readily account for the number. turt at 3 Chicago Boys Discover Easy Clean-Up Week Money a HICAGO.-A great double-barreled mystery was solved in North Chicago the C the other day when a traitor revealed a scheme carried out by enter- vari prising small boys of that suburb. For several days the garbage dumps had been disappearing gradually and top strange odors had permeated houses Wa AWff6ODY IOPE where small boys live. The residents her PCOI sought in vain for explanations of FIC-KLES these two strange conditions, which they did not connect until the truth became known. Incidentally the explanation 'Wi caused much chagrin to members of you W the Woman's Library club. . Wo -~ Recently, at a meeting of the club bot V it was decided to have a "clean-up" pIe week. A reward of two cents a bag caz was offered to all the boys in town who would gather up rubbish from the 1 streets and alleys, wo The youngsters promptly held a meeting of their own and formally ac- hei cepted the offer. Then they went into secret session and made a "gentle- an' man's agreement" just like grown.up commercial "pirates." After that they 'went to work. The streets and alleys showed no effect of their industry, but in the garbage piles began to shrink rapidly. no "We thought it was easier to shovel trash into the bags at the dump than to go around picking up little pieces," one lad confessed. "It would so take a whole day to fill half a dozen bags. This way we could get a dozen bags of rubbish in a few hours, and the club members would never know the ha 'difference. Our cellar is piled full of bags now." The family made a hasty investigation. They verified the confession. a They also discovered the source of the strange odors. 8o. Mrs. F. E. De Yoe, president of the club, has issued a warning, "for st the benefit of dishonest boys," that a fine of five cents will be levied for B: every bag of rubbish dishonestly collected, di Efforts of the boys to discover the identity of the traitor who "snitched" were vain.le He Wanted to Send His Fat Boy by Parcel Post, K ANSAS CITY.-"How much stamps does it take to send this hyeah boy p Sby that parcel post?" a negro inquired at the stamp window the other b day. The clerk looked puzzled at a fat negro boy beside the man, a "I don't know. I'l refer you to I: tbh. postmaster," he said. d tt The negro, James Taylor, took g'Mif I the boy into Postmaster Collins' ofce aMl IT and again expressed the desire to TAlE To mall the negro boy by parcel post. 'til0 "Why don't you send him by the ugIEi, train as a passenger!" Mr. Collins B 0 asked. "I done counted the cost and I ain't got that 'mount,'" the negro re plied. The negro said he and his wife were separated and that he wanted to send the boy to Poplar Bluff, Mo., where his grandparents would take care of him. He insisted that the boy go parcel post. lMr. Collins had the youngster weighed. He hit the scales at 46 pounds. **Can't 8send over 20 pounds that distance," the postmaster said. "You'il have to divide your boy if you send him by mall." The negro scratched his head a bit and then took the boy by the hband gad walked out of the omce grumbling: ¶hast parcel post ain't what it's los to be." The Married Life of elen and Warren By MABEL HERBER'rT URNER Originator of "Their Marnied Life." Author of "The Journal of a Neglected Wife," "The Woman Alone," etc. Warren Shames a Boorish, Ill-Bred Englishman Into an Act of Patriotism (Copyright, 191o, by the McClure Newspaper Syndicate.) "Why the deuce don't you wear a ease. 11 hat that'll stay on your he''?" growled ening rc Warteh. ty-tive. "Oh, I should unmista have worn a veil." why Helen bent her two ov head against the poor we strong wind and gone to fumbled with her stronge] unavailing hatpin. the nee "Well, if you will were t wear a dirigible young r on a trip like "I wt this--" Horse," SI"Dear, next time "We'd 1 i /they stop, let's get "Yes, inside - it won't lishmar be so windy," her Anothel face turned away derly m to hide her blown of the i Ur Mabel Her t hair and cold-red- "Dea: S Uer. dened nose. wait oi "Thought you were so keen about Helen riding on top." War S "Oh, I am, when it isn't so cold-but glared a I'm almost frozen." pounde t "Well, we'll get off somewhere for The tea--that'll warm you up. Ought to came i e strike a place along here pretty soon." "Rig s. Helen loved these long bus-top rides !:glisl n that on Sunday afternoons run far out Warrel through the quaint London suburbs, a mom ly but today it was chill and raw. "I so "Here we are," Warren nodded to the El the familiar red rampant lion on a on us, is sign up the road. all dF9 It was one of the thousand "Red all da Lion Inns" about England. But when ' they left the bus Helen saw that it drawlE was not well kept, and that it had better neither age nor quaintness to recom- ours." It mend it. woma -. "Dear, it doesn't look clean," draw- served as Ing back as she caught a glimpse of sro the dingy, dubious-looking dining room return with red-checked table cloths. "Isn't Ye that another place down there? Let's away' try that." tea-w Farther on, across the road, was an lade. old gabled house, half hidden by a Wh high box hedge. "The Queen's Head," cold read the faded swinging sign. were "That's more like it," admitted War- the si ren as they went up the graveled, cup. shrub-lined path. hold They entered a long, low room with ,,h white-clothed tables and a cheerful a Isit open fire. Highly-colored chroz s of anywi rat- fish and game hung about, and le when mantelpiece were some stuffed ,rds pear1 ted under a glass dome. Jolly ere The room was empty. As they wait- forks, vas ed for someone to serve them, Helen his k struggled with her hair, while Warren In the turned through the "Guest Book" on came lan, the table. To Asti- "Listen to this," with a chuckle. ood "'Bed and board good, but rest dis- ward turbed by crowing of ancient rooster leasrd at 3 and 4 a. m.' That's rich! You ess can Just see him looking at his watch and cussing that rooster." Helen glanced over his shoulder at wate ago the closely scribbled sentiments of the fork Ater- various guests. the had ' 'Too full for words. Everything too and top hole. God save the king,'" read T uses Warren. "That's British for you. Ah, it. I ants here's a choice bit: hosp t of "'The beef is good, bant hich The tea is fine, this ruth This is a bully place to dine." a "Oh. look, dear, I love this one! to Ltion 'Words fail us-to be taken which way self a of you like.'" tice. "See here," Warren turned from the for club book, "how do you raise these peo- now i-up" ple?" rapping on the floor with his A bag cane. the the A sound of a closing door, and a H woman hurried in. Helen noticed that glat i ac- her eyes were red, and her face white tab] Intle- and drawn. kit( they "I'm sorry, sir, if I've kept you wait- fon' ,but ing, but I'm all alone here this after- In I noon. Will you have tea, sir?" an, lump "Yes, two teas, and one brandy and sob rould soda." lozen "Could I go somewhere to fix my bre v the hair?" ventured Helen. let "Yes, ma'am, just come right ap- wa asion. stairs." dat She led the way up the steep dark pal , "for steps to a low dormer-windowed room. d for By the high post bed was a chest of cu drawers with an old round mirror. Th ched" Helen took off her hat and began to wI let down her disheveled hair, but the in woman still lingired. "If things are bit upset, ma'am- w I hope you won't mI d. I-I Just heard th that my brother died a French hos- do 1 boy pltal. My husband," p sing to steady other her voice, "'was killed th weekgl ago t man, at Amiens." Then she ed abrupt- bi ly and was gone. cn Hastily Helen thrust up r hair and tl h hrried down to Warren. I T "That's hard lines," h admitted E TO when she told him. o "Do you suppose she's t g to run a this place alone?" a "That'seabout the sizgof Some ' of these English women are up a mighty game fight. Now the I kind of a person you'd like to p A chug-chug of a motor outal nd a party of three entered-two men ', o* and a man in lotng motoring ats. 1 boy go They settled themselves noisily "Three meat-teas right awn the puad man ordered peremptorily, wh the I woman came in to serve 's brandy and soda. "Yes, sir," as she hurried The man threw eo his oat cigar and loaned back with cr ease. Ielen watched him with a deep- JIy foot 1 ening resentment. lie was under thir- ly spral ty-tive, able-bodied, well-groomed and tied in n unmistakly English. that tin I hy was he touring around with and the two overdressed women while that ery. Ni poor woman's husband and brother had lMayr' I gone to the front? Wa:; patriotism manent stronger in the poorer classes? With intestin the need of the army so great, why| after e were there so many well-groomed stomact young men still about London? bottle o "I wanted to go on to the Flying on an a Horse," complained one of the women. factory "We'd have got waited on there." t "Yes, she's deuced :;iow." The Eng- FINDS t lishman knocked loudly on the table. r Another couple canme in now, an el- Dean y derly man and his n ife. They took one Le a of the small tables by the fire. I. "Dear, I'm afraid she's too upset to wait on all these people," whispered That it elen anxiously. being Warren did not answer, but he Europe it glared at the Englishman, who again uroprge pounded on the table. icral se tr The woman, now painfully flustered, ifal s ;o came in with tea for two. vary r "Right away, sir," to the impatient ait ,s ?gglishman. as she set the tray beside centl he It Warren. "Oh, I forgot the sugar! Just ceThe sa moment, sir." is not "I say, this is a rum start," broke in said he to the Englishman. "If you can't wait have, a on us, just say so, and we'll go on to true it the Flying Horse. We can't stay here ond le d all day." , that r S "That gentleman seems in a hurry, that t it drawled Warren derisively. "You'd gret it d better serve this to him. We'll wait for ple hi . ours." e a "Oh, thank you, sir," murmured the offers woman gratefully, as she hastily cases served the tray on the other table. lives "I ordered meat tea for three," as he old be Mt returned Warren's glare. . false "Yes, sir, I'll bring the rest right away," placing before them the platain befo tea-bread, butter, cake and marma- tional n lade. existi When she came back with a plate of tions cold meat, Helen saw that her hands that v were trembling. From a high shelf on sive the sideboard she reached for another cup. It slipped from her tremulous hold and crashed to the floor. .. "I say, what's the matter with her your anyway?" sneered the Englishman, ,M3 when with crimson face she disap- and t peared with the broken cup. "She's a the to bit queer, isn't she? And this is a and I at- Jolly poor tea. No watercress and no that I ien forks," striking his plate sharply with his knife. Bu en In the silence that followed there lor is came a sound of suppressed sobs. To Helen's surprise, Warren sud dis- denly started up and strode out to wards the kitchen. She waited breath You lessly. What was he going to do? itch In a few moments he returned, car rying a tray on which was a dish of r at watercress, the third tea and some the forks. These he slammed down before the astonished Englishman. Then he ing stood back and announced brusquely: ea "That woman out there's up against Ah, it. Her brother's just died in a French hospital. Three weeks ago her hus band was killed. She's trying to keep this place open-yet you come here and bang on the table. Now I'm going one! to pay one pound for this tea for my way self and wife--and I, as you may no tice, am not an Englishman! Your bill the for three teas is only six shillings peo now it's up to you!"' his A dead silence as Warren took alu the tray and stalked out. ad a Helen, unable to bear the amazed that glances of the others, rose from the Rhite table and ran out after him. The kitchen was at the back. There she wait- found Warren calmly filling a teapot. after- In a small pantry adjoining, the wom an, her face hidden in her apron, was and sobbing convuleively. "That's right-pitch in! Cut some b my bread there," ordered Waren. "No, let her cry it out. Do her good. We'll t ap- wait on those people; thatll help a darn sight more than any mandlin sym darlk pathy." room. Helen's own hands trembled as she eat of cut the bread and put it on the tray. SThen she put on the marmalade and can to watercress, which was ready to serve at the in small glass dishes. "Oh, wait," as Warren started in 'am- with the tray. "Oughtn't we to butter heard that bread?" anxiously. "They always b hos- do!" steady "Well, this time theyll butter it kp aso themselves," as he cut of a lump of ibrpt- butter and dabbed it on the plate with the bread. "That other couple gets airand this. Now you fix some for us." The kitchen add pantry were spot mitted lessly clean, but pathetically bare of food. Even in her excitement Helen to run noticed tlat. She had just fitted out another tray when Warren appeared Some with a broad grin. up "They're taking up a oollection. That a the Englishman looked pretty sheepish, p." but he came across all right. They've and got something like five pounds-and en another couple just come in. This at tray ready?" "Oh, dear, you're wonderful! There's the nobody like you," tremulously, as with the shining eyes she drew his head down 's to hers. 'You're the inest, biggest, splendidest-" "Hre, I've got no time to be slob' at bered over. Got two more teas to aI ",re ARKANSAS WOMAN GETS QUICK RELIEF Mrs..1. C. [traddon eof \vinthrop. Ark. sullfertd from ldi ,estive troul;es :nlll stomach dlorant'- :nts 1ithat placed her in a particularly dangero:'a posi tion. Iler nervous system was at taekad and she felt symvitoms th:Lt indicated even more serious trouble. She took Mayr's Wonderful crtm edy and got imunediate Lca;e!its. She wrote: "When I commenced) ta~li:ng your treatment I could searc:ely 1w' out of bed, I had such severe pains in my hips and the top of my right foot. SMy foot felt as if it had been severe- hb r ly sprained. Finally a numbness set d tied in my arms and shoulders. About that time I received your treatment h and the first bottle relieved the mis t ery. Now I feel like a new person." dI Mayr's Wonderful Remedy gives per n manent results for stomach, liver and h intestinal ailments. Eat as much and whatever you like. No more distress after eating, pressure of gas in the d stomach and around the heart. G(t one I: bottle of your druggist now and try it ig on an absolute guarantee if not satis u. factory money will be returned --Adv. g- FINDS LESSON IN THE WAR "' 1- Dean Hodges Points Out Four Things ti Learned as Result of Great Struggle. d That thire are tour .reat l~"ssons being taught Iby tihe present ar in Europe was the d',claration o, I)eau n George Hlodges at ':ambridge iThieolog ical seminary. lormlr rector of C'al vary Episcopal church, C'ambridge, in a sermon on 'The War," from the pal- |; de lpit he used to occupy in (C'avalry, re cently. "The war will teach that a nation * in is not exalted by material strength.' in said he. "To be exalted a nation must c it have, beside material strength, the to true ideals of brotherhood. The sec eond lesson that this war is teaching is ,~ that might is not right, and any nation u' that thinks so to the contrary will re gret it. The third lesson is that peo or ple have been wrong in saying that men are invincibly selfish, for this war offers thousands and thousands of cases of men gladly giving up their lives. The fourth lesson is that the old belief that war Is glorious is a false belief. War is far from glorious ght and we are realizing it today as never ate before. Because of the neglect of na ma- tional Christianity we find this war existing today. Christianity is for na dof tions as well as for individuals and nds that will be the one great, comprehen on sive lesson this war will teach." her ous - Applied Art. "What's your hired man plowing up her your front yard for, Blinks?" "an, "My daughter has a new camera, ' and the instruction says to break up a a the foreground before taking a picture, So and I couldn't very well let her do no that hard work." with Buck Kilby says a well-to-do bache lor is one who has no love affair. Under the Magnifying Glass every flake of sweet, crisp a Post Toasties shows a fineness of consistency obtain able only from the inner sweet-meats of selected, ' ripened corn. Note, also, the er minute "pearly crinkles" that characterize ys these nutritious food bits. of If you are fond of the toast flavour for ita breakfast, try Post Toasties, for in this 'food you have not only toasty crispness, t- but you get that true corn flavour- Sfound only in Toasties. out The handy, tight-sealed package brings 'h*t these bits of corn to you "factory-fresh" ilb, and ready to serve with the greatest ease. Grocers everywhere sell Post Toasith gut, Post Toasties a to The General Says: 1. t lL ran , r * th i' it , * rIt. 1 ning in JU Certainteed Roofing y m r y al hrwrt e : ,lr I~rubr d"a!"' r can GENERAL ROOFING MFG. CO. .\ouu tlhe onlly stoe thie average h)o: do,s not turn is the grindstone. S.\ man who i. tied to his wife's apron :i ctrtain:!y isn't last. T '. :" i3 the hone w hr~l Rled 'ro ,I ;,lue i used'l. ure to plcase. All It is estimated that 7?i).O,0,OO,I)0f) 1, 1 ,' t of illtlinilaing gas are I;urr .i in the world annmually. Easy. iiJ(; did you Imanage to, win the" halnd of anl hl.iress"?" asked the en vi,: friend of a 'dancing man.' O )h--r- I glided into her aftec The Prescription. 'I have broken down from over ,ork, doctor. \\hat cure would you reco:nmiend'" "A sinecure; three dollars please." Flaw in the Argument. ' Don't you think that idiots should 1be chloroformed at birth?" asked the progressive person. 'It wouldn't be practical," replied the student of human nature. "Most of them do not show it until after they grow up. One Explanation. s "What's the difference between a politician and a statesman?" i I figure it this way. A politician t has to wear a slouch hat and a string rtie. But a statesman is sufficiently fsure of his job to feel that he ca, play ir golf without offending the plain peo e 1 pie." as Few Sailors Row or Swim. er A survivor from one of the tor ia- 'pedoed ships says: "We had no men ar in our boat who could row. I had nev ta- er rowed a boat before, but I can do ad so now." The smallness of the num ml- ber of men in our mercantile marine who can handle a rowboat would surprise the majority of people, and those who can handle a sail are an ep even smaller band. They get almost no opportunity of learning. As for a, swimming, very few are experts, and up battalions of them cannot swim a 'e, stroke. Just last summer I sailed do with a British cargo boat officered by nonswimmers, and having on board only four men in all who believed he- that, unaided, they could keep them selves afloat.-London Chronicle.