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"He La ghs Best
Who Laughs Last."
A hearty laugh inatcates a degree of
good health obtainable through pure
blood. c4s but one person in ten has
pure blood, the other nine should purify
the blood 'with Hood's Sarsaparilla.
Then they can laugh first, last and all
the time, for
He Was wlllnag to Give the Vol
canei Vocalist a Good Hard
The young man who sings loud and long
was interrupted by a tap at the door of hi3
'Excuse me," said the tall, thin stranger,
"] am sorry to intrude. I occupy the flat
under you, and I have come p to inquire
fou are the gentleman who sings bal
"Yes," was the answer, with the air of a
man who is modest, but cannot deny the
truth. "Are you fond of music?"
"I don't know that I am what you would
call fond of it. At the same time I haven't
anything particular against it. I am very
much affected by some things I hear."
"That amounts to the same thing as being
fond of it," was the answer, in a tone of
"I have been wondering if I caught the
words of your favorite song correctly. Let
"'How often, ch, how often,
Have I wished that the ebbing tide
Would bear me away on its bosom
' To the ocean wild and wide.'
Is that right?"
"Yes; it's all right, according to my reco,
lection. Is that one of the pieces you are af
"Yes. I have been affected by that for
hours at a time. It has drawn me irresist
ibly to you. It has filled me with a yearn
tuing to do something that would make you
happier. And I called up to say that if
you 1' come down to the river with me any
evening i'll pay your car fare and hire a
boat and give you a good start on the first
ebbing tide scheduled. And I don't mind
saying that the further out it bears you the
better I'll be satisfied."-Washington Star.
STORY SOUNDED WELL
But There Was Reason to Believe
That It Was Not Wholly
"When I first went west," tells a retired
business man, who now does nothing in the
way of work except to mow the lawn and
see that the cat is in the barn at night,
"this maimed hand saved my life."
"Is that so?" asked the visiting neighbor
who knew that this form of invitation would
be sufficient to insure the story.
"Yes, that's right. If I hadn't lost that
frst finger when I was a boy I wouldn't be
here now. Jim Dixon and me were tradin'
with the Indians. We exchangedbeads, fake
jewelry and bright calico for furs. All the
buffalo were not gone then and we did a
good business. One time we happened to
strike a wandering band of savages that
held us up on sight and' it was plain from
the way the red devils danced around us
that we were to be put to death after the
Indian fashion. All at once I recalled that
a good many of the Indians knew me as the
'four-fingered' trader who was always on
the level with those wild merchants, so I
held up the hand and kept it up till one of
the young bucks let out a significant grunt
and then hurried to the chief in command.
He came to me in a dignified manner, ex
amined the hand, grunted about 16 times
while deliberating, said 'How,' and released
ome as well as my partner. We were treated
sight up to the handle and permitted to de
part when we wanted to. It was the closest
squeak and the worst scare I had out in that
country when near calls and heart-failure
frights were the rule."
"Brave man," said one neighbor to an
other, as they walked away.
"Yes, regular big injun, if you accept all
he tells. Between me and you he lost that
finger two years ago while examining a hay
eutter."-Detroit Free Press.
THE GRAND BRACE.
Pathetic Plea of the Bibulous Head
of the House Next
One of the Bohemian citizens of the town
went home the other night after having
donned a pair of skates that would have slid
him over an Arizona desert with the mer
cury bubbling out of the top of the thermom
eter. He had no recollection of how he got
home, and even the next morning he was
not certain whether he was on a storm
tossed Atlantic liner or making a leap from
a balloon minus a parachute. He went
down to the breakfast table with enough wet
towels wrapped around his head to make
a turban for the mahdi. His wife met him
with reproaches in her eyes, but she did not
scold him. She wanted to inform him of his
conduct the night before, however.
"My dear," she said, "did you know that
you came very near killing us all when you
went to bed last night?"
"Nope," said her husband, thickly, as he
felt his fot forehead.
"Well, you did. You knocked over the
baby's cradle. Then you blew out the gas
and we were nearly asphyxiated. What do
you think of that?'
Her husband is usually a resourceful man,
but the fumes of many cocktails taken the
night before somewhat clouded his intellect.
He made a grand brace agd tried to look pa
"M'love," he said, as a ray of inspiration
burst through his foggy brain, "wasn't I
here to die with you?' -Washington Post.
Cody Called for a Cut.
Col. Cody, the eminent scout, helped to
build a church at North Platte, and was per
suaded by his wife and daughter to accom
pany them to the opening. The minister
gave out the hymn which commenced with
the words: "Oh, for ten thousand tongues
to sing," etc. The organist, who played by
ear started the tune in too high a key and
had to try again. A second attempt ended
like the first in failure. "Oh, for ten thou
sand tongues to sing my great--" came the
opening words for the third time, followed
"ly a squeak from the organ and a relapse
into painful silence. Cody could contain
himself no longer, and blurted out: "Start
it at five thousand, and mebbe some of the
rest of us can get in." - San Francisco
Sick headache. Food doesn'tdl
gest well, appetite poor, bowels con
stipated, tongue coated. It's your
liver! Ayer s Pills are liver pilSi ,
easy and sate. They cure dyspep
sia, biliousness. 25c. Allt Druggists.
Wanc your moustache or beard a beautiful
ruown or rteh black? Thea use
BUCKINGHAM'S .DYE Whlsk,.
_ CT.r ts 0oGGT R. P. HL CO, N5o00 . N.
Blooet V a_ a oo UIS
la a .13old
THE CHANCL., OTHERS HAVE.
'I might be rich, I might be great," I heard
one sadly say,
"Cou:d I have had my master's chance to
start upon the way:
had he been placed where I was placed,
men would not praise his name:
I-Iad I been favored as he was I would have
They that ignore me now would all be
sycophants, to dance
Attendance on me here if I had only had
The wires whereby men's messages are
sent beneath the seas,
The gleaming rails o'er which men speed
what time they loll at ease,
The graceful domes that rise until they
seem to pierce the sky,
The mighty ships that cleave the main as
fast as eagles fly,
The disks and tubes through which men
see o'er space's broad expanse
Are not the works of him who sighed to
have some other's chance.
The songs that live through centuries are
not the songs of men
Who longed for favors others knew and
tossed away the pen;
The names upon the noble arch that makes
the artist glad
Are not the names of men who yearned for
chances others had!
Of all the wonders of our age that rise at
None came from him who might do much
had he some other's chance.
-S. E. Kiser, in Chicago Times-Herald.
Trapped by a Novel
" GENTLEMAN-a'Mr. Portman
A -to see you, sir," said my land
lady, looking in at my door.
"Show him up, Mrs. Jennings," I re
plied, without glancing up from my
A few moments later Mr. Portman,
an entire stranger to me, was ushered
into my room. He came forward-a
man of large build, some 40 years of
age, with a slight stoop-and, fixing a
pair of dreamy, dark eyes upon me, he
inquired, in a low, earnest tone:
"Mr. Cecil Lawrence, I believe?"
"Yes. Be seated a moment, will
you?" I replied, indicating a chair.
He accepted the offer silently, and
waited my leisure, his eyes fixed upon
the crackling logs in the grate, and his
chin resting upon hi' hands.
"What can I do for you, Mr.-Mr.
Portman?" I asked, presently, putting
down my pen and turning round utpon
"You are Mr. Cecil Lawrence, the
author, are you not?" he returned.
"The author of 'A Romance in Blue
"Do you mind telling me' how you
came by the plot for that story?" he
said, his dreamy eyes lighting up for
"I'm afraid I cannot give you any in
formation upon that matter," I repliedi
"Authors do not generally communi
cate their methods of work and thought
to strangers, and my time is at present
so much occupied that, unless you real
ly have some important business with
me, I really-"
"I have important business with
you!" he exclaimed, almost angrily.
"Do you fancy that I have come down
all the way from Lancashire to ask a
mere slip of an author his methods of
"From Lancashire?" I said, in sur
prise. "Indeed, no; no sane man would.
But please state your business."
"Will you answer my question?" he
cried, rising impatiently and folding
his hands behind his back. "How did
you come by the facts in your story?"
"Since you attach such undue im
portafice to the matter," I replied cold
ly, "1 can only say that I owe some of
the plot of my 'Romance in Blue Dye'
to a newspaper paragraph I chanced
upon some 18 months ago."
"Can you show me this paragraph?"
"Really, unless you can tell me in
what way this matter is of so much
importance to you, I fear I must de
cline to continue this interview, for,
as I have already told you, I am exceed
He lo6ked at me steadily for a mo
ment in silence, and the light came
into his eyes again.
"My name is Portman-John Port
man, of Portman & Stayle, Dyers and
Cleaners, Iochdale," he said, in a pe
culiar tonte ,I could not understand.
"Do you understand?"
"No. I may be very dense, but I
don't understand in what way the
statement of your identity, proves the
importance of your visit," I responded,
becoming annoyed with him, his man
ners and his tone.
"You don't, eh,?" he blurted out.
"Well, Stayle, my'late partner, was the
man who was found in the vat of dye.
You are a picturesque liar, you know!"
I started--not at the fellow's insult,
but at the germ of an idea that was
dawning upon me. This man, then,
was the actual being whom I had cre
ated, as I thought, in the person of
James Saxon, the murderer of his part
ner. I fully understood now how
greatly this man, whose actual exist
tnce I had never suspected, must have
been annoyed by my book; for, doubt
less, persons who had read it and knew
of the manner in which my visitor's
unfortunate partner had met his' death
had commented upon the matter un
pleasantly to my visitor.
"Do you understand me now?" my
visitor demanded, seeing I was not pre
pared to say anything about his pre
'"Yes, I fear so," I replied, with a
sickly snile. "But, if you havye come
here with the intention of bullyilg me,
you made an error inthe address. My
solicitors; Mes7rs. Wright & Wright,
Ely Place, are tlh'e people to call upon."
i Hie looked at me.and ftoxwned.'1Then
he crossed the;'iobm, locked the door,
and put the key in his pocket.
"Whiht the deuce do you mean?" I
cried, starting up indigiatiatly. "You
are presuming ulpardonably! Replace
the key and unlock the dbor!" And I
went over to him as Ispqk~.,
Gentli, gentli, .my, gogQ.,sir," he
said. "1 am not ·ea43 J S tifi ed with
out- chat ., yet. Loole at-this, and sit
down quieftl." -a . q -
t"This," whichl .he heli si-.my face,
was a revolver.. Wa I at;e4enercy of
"You are at the wrongend of i, you
loyv, so sit dQvyP apd be.civil." '
ishrug'gedlmy shoulders and returned
to mny hain, having the: unpleasant
sensation tha~&e w. "covering" me
all the time. - . " -
\VWhen 1 had- seated myself he came
and sat down at the other- ide of my
table, laikl ~s reviveerifint of him,
.nd began ta.bite hismain ls 'ited his
pleasure silently, wosxrer:sg wtat I
nould do best.
"It's like this!" he said, so suddenly
that he startled me out of my thoughts.
"I had a partner. That partner gets
drowned at our works in a butt of pur
ple-not blue, mind you- dye. You see
the bare facts mentioned in the papers
(this is what you say!), write a story
about it. You make me, John Saxon of
your accursed book, murder my part
ner, and ybu bring me to justice, eli?"
"Yes, that's it," I replied, as easily as
I could. "I offer you my sincerest
apologies for the unpleasantness it
must have caused you; but I assure
you, upon my honor, I never dreamed
that you really existed, or I should not
have used such a plot."
"But you must have known! You
must have seen!" he cried, leaning over
the table and hissing his words into
What would have happened if the
meaning of his words had flashed, in
stead of dawning slowly, upon me I
cannot think-I never want to know.
But, coming upon my worried brain
slowly, the meaning did not make me
start, and my visitor, who evidently
realized he had spoken without think
ing how he spoke, probably trusted I
had missed his second sentence.
To help him to that belief I answered:
"How could I have known the unfor
tunate dyer had a partner. I realize
my horrible mistake now, of course.
I ought never to have written the book
without first inquiring whether my plot
would encroach too much upon actual
He did not seem to hear me, he was
staring over my shoulder, deep in
thought, like a man who dreams his
"Bah!" he said, suddenly with great
passion. "How did you learn all you
know, eh? You could not have guessed
what no one else had suspected!"
"I fear I do not understand you," I
said, with a smile.
"You lie! You know you lie! Do
you think I have come here to be suck
led on such prevarications? Do you
think I brought this with me for any
reason but to get from you an account
of how you discovered the purple spot
on my shirt, how you saw how it hap
pened, as you must have done, though
you dan't say so in your accursed story?
Can't you see, ingenious puppy, that I
mean to know, and when I know to
send you where you cannot run a man
down by novel-writing, nor put the
law upon him? It's your life or mine!"
"With all your threats," I said,
"you're a big bit of a fool, Mr. Portman,
or else your mind is unhinged. The
book was mainly written upon the
merest conception of my own, suggest
ed to me by a short paragraph. I have
already told you that. The manner in
which my murderer, John Saxon, was
brought to justice for his crime was
pure fiction work. Now are, you sat.
"No!" he replied, throwing himself
back in his chair. "What you say may
be true; I don't know. In any case,
your story has put me under the sus
picion of the police and the people of
Rochdale. .I am a marked man, I don't
doubt. Probably the police are hunt
ing me down now-now! But they
won't find the shirt."
"Probably you overrate the interest
the police and people of Rochdale take
in my novels and the death of your
partner," I said, with an effort at calm
ness not too easy to assume.
"Possibly I dol" he replied, in a
hoarse voice, with a fugitive glance at
the door. "But there is you to reckon
"Yes, you! Do you think if I knew 1
was as safe from suspicion as before
your book was written, I could leave
you after what I've said to you to,
"What do you propose to do, then?
Give yourself over to the police, eh?"
I asked ironically, for I was weary of
the terrible nervous strain.
"It is you or me, and, by my soul, I
will seal your lips!".
To my uttermost surprise he made a
sudden dash round the table at me,
but in the "nmoment of his heightened
passion he forgot his revolver. I thrust
out my arm and snatched it from the
table as I quickly dodged my assailant,
and, steping back, I held the barrel ih
"Stand back, John Saxon, or I fire!'
lie staggered back and leaned against
"Give me the key, John Saxon," I
With his wild eyes fixed upon the re.
volver, he took the key from his pocket
and threw it upon the table. I took it
up and drew toward the door.
"As if he realized that the door would
open only to let him pass out to the
gallows, he made a desparate, sudden
spring at me as, with my left hand, I
slipped the key into the lock.
"Stand back!" I cried, as I pushed the
revolver into the hollow of his ashy
"Stop!" he ejaculated hoarsely, as
with an impetuous gesture he pushed
his lank hair off his moistened brow
with both his hands. "What are you
going to do, old man? A price, price,
priy! A price--my life! I'll buy my
life! A price?"
He crept toward me, shaking his
trembling arms above his head. Bud
denly he stopped, and his eyes started
from their sockets. He threw his chin
forward as if trying to swallow some
lump rising in his throat. Then, as I
sprang to him, he twisted on his heel
and fell in a heap upon the floor.
A price! Nemesis had refused his
price for life.-Chicago Herald.
An Irish lady, havrig had a few-i
words with her husband one day, had
occasion a few moments after to send
her servant for some fsh for dinner.
"Bridget,"' said the mistress, "go
down to the town at ehce and get me a
"Indade, an' I will, ma'am," said
Bridget; "and I may as well get wan fa.
meself, for I can't stand the masthertd
more than yerself."-Spare Moments.
An UnhappUy Marriage.
She-This is the anniversary of out
wedding. I suppose we ought to oh.
serve the day in some way.
He-Suppose we send out for some
c4ckeloth and ashes.-N. Y. Journal.
The Tartaran alphabet contains 20f
letters, being the longest in the world.
Some of these are really symbols to rep
resent hrasee and emotioup.
NOT ALWAYS SONGS OF JOY.
The Angry Chidings of Birds Arw
Sometimes Taken for Pleasure
When a cat or dog snarls we know
that the sound is intended to express
hatred and a threat of attack. The low
ing of a cow or of a calf, the bleating
of a kid, the snorting of a horse and its
whinneying can hardly be misunder
stood. liut the meanings of the cries
of birds are less obvious. The cooing
of a dove or the warbling of a fluent
singer may seem to be as expressive as
any note of the quadrupeds just men
tioned, but when attention is given to
the actionw which accompany the cries
of birds a. observer finds that some
very pleas tt sounds are incidental to
very unkind behavior. In a few cases
the combativeness of a bird is fairly
well suggested by its cry-as occurs in
the conunon fowl. whose "crow" is as
defiant as a bugle blast. The shriek of
the wood~and jay. also, is very expres
sive. These sounds, however, do not
represent the greatest passion. We
must listen to birds actually engaged in
combat in order to hear the expression
of; their utmost hate-their worst lan
guage, and, listening thus, we often
make the discovery that the sound ac
companying an attempt at murder is
closely like (sometimes apparently
identical with) sounds which seem to
be joyous song. The little brown wren
mounts the top of the hedge and sings
a sprightly song. The note: seem to
bie the spontaneous outpouring of joy.
Twenty yards further along the hedge
another' wren mounts to the topmost
twig, perks its tail and utters a similar
lively tune. No. 1 flies a little way to
ward No. 2 and sings again. Here, then,
is a pleasing sylvan duet. But soon the
wrens are fighting furiously, tumbling
over and over each other at the bottom
of the hedge, while at intervals snatches
of the same dainty ditty are heard.
They sing, in the intervals of fighting,
what seemed a song of peace and love.
In view of what the birds are doing, it
may be surmised that their language at
this moment is very bad, indeed. But
instead of the sprightly wren the sedate
robin may be under observation. If a
singing robin be watched and especial
ly in autumn he will be seen to-attack
any other singiimg robin which my' be
near; yet the birds will be singing all
the while and their songs will be like
the ordinary songs of the species,
though a. trifle sharper in tone. The
music is evidently intended to convey
the animosity of the birds. The hedge
sparrow twitters in quite a subdued
tone when fighting, yet it nevertheless
seems to be singing. The willow wren
sings its ordinary song when about to
attack a rival. The nightingale is
somewhat pugnacious, and I have sever
al times seen two fighting (I once saw
three), but no song notes were then
Among the finches and buntings a
combat is often accompanied by a
slight twittering, somewhat similar to
rapid repetitions of the call note, malice
and love having thus the same tone;
but some species employ a particular
note. The chaflinch has only one cry
when fighting, be his enemy bird or
beast. That cry is the common note,
"tink," or "fink." The male house
sparrow is one of the most silent of
fighters. When male sparrows intend
to fight they hop about restlessly near
each other, their feathers held very
close and their tails flirting up and
down almost continuously. Presently
one of the birds darts at the other and
tries to give him a lance thrust with the
bill, the other springs aside and the ag
gressor alights near and the flitting of
the tails continues. But. all this time
the birds utter no cry. When the con
test has reached the stage of a struggle
in the nest place, however, there is some
noise, scuffling and screaming. The
cries are not the tones of love; they are
expressions of fury.
There are many species which give
the full song during combat. I have
heard the full song of the tree pipit
sung by a bird fighting furiously.
When first seen the birds were fighting
in flight; they fell to the ground to
gether and in this position, andwhen
I was not more than three yaods dis
tant, one of them uttered the full song,
including even the final "whee, whee,
whee," which is usually uttered while
the bird is descending on outstretched
motionless wings. The common pied
wagtail, when attacking another, ut
ters cries which seem to be his ordinary
call notes, and the same incident may
be observed in the skylark. Last sum
mer a lark was singing as usual above
his meadow and another singing lark
approached and swooped at him. The
newcomer was vigorously repulsed,
though not until some pretty flying
and stooping had been performed, and
the birds were singing all the while.
They were evidently rival neighbors,
but in this instance, as in those above
mentioned, mere rivalry and emulation
would not account for the behavior of
the birds. This must be credited to
hatred and ill-will. -Knooledge.
Peculiarity of the Hand Organ.
"It seems like a very easy thing to do
to play a hand-organ," said one who has
tried it, "but it is not so easy as it
seems. You expect the music to keep
time with the turning of the crank, but
as a matter of fact it does nothing of the
sort. It doesn't swing in with it at all.
Other instruments keep time with the
touch; the hand-organ does not. You
are almost sure to stop short, the first
time you try, because the music doesn't
come in as you expect it to. After.
awhile you begin to realize that crankl
and music have no relation in the mat
ter of time, except as the crank makes
the organ go, and you get so that you
can keep the crank turning without
stopping."-N. Y. Post.
3aggles-H-ow did the lurch break
the long draught-giy having the min.
later pray forrainti?
Waggle~-No; by giving a Sunday.
school pieu; - V T'. Wor'dl
Careis mental rust.-Ram's Horn.
Does a light-headed, lantern-jawed eyclist
need any other lamp?- L. A. V. Bulletin.
To cure, or money reP.nded by your merchant, so why not try it Price ic o.
1ý I I -
Her Wise Selection.
Her Pa-Now that you have become
engaged to young Badger, I must say
that I feel sorry for him.
Daughter-For what reason, pa?
Her Pa-Because, my dear, you know
you can't cook even a little bit.
Daughter-I had thought of that, pa,
but you see he is a professional forty
day faster.-Richmond Times.
The Doctor's Prescription.,
""What! 'Suffering from the grip' again?
I think I understand,
You must not let that young man Ben
Compress this little hand
LIPTLE WOMEN, BLESS 'EM.
"She said I was a conceited, vulgar,
forward little chit!"
"She'd no right to say that, dear
you're hardly conceited! "-Ally Sloper.
Change of Audience.
When woman says she needs a rest
Her least desire no man should balk;
She merely means it would be best
On some far porch to sit and talk.
-Chicago Daily Record.
An Unsatiafied Longing.
Mrs. Justwed-Before we were mar
ried you said you would be willing to go
through anything for me.
Mr. Justwed-So I am, dearest; but
the way you hold on to your fortune is
According to His Light.
Teacher-Johnny, surely you know
what "osculate" means. What do peo
ple do when they are in love?
Johnny (the jeweler's hopeful)
They come to pa for an engagement
Their Joint Account.
Parke-I have a joint account in the
bank with my wife now.
Lane-Good! You make an even
thing of it, eh?
Parke--Yes; I put the money in and
she draw~ it out.-Stray Stories.
A Sore Spot.
"Why was Mr. Sweet offended when
they asked him to impersonate the
sand Man in that tableau?"
"He seemed to take it as a personal
Iur. You see, he's a sugar merchant."
Life's Indian Summer.
When I was young and foolish I
Thought all the girls in love with me;
But now I'm old, soft-hearted and
In love with every girl I see.
IN THE DINING ROOM.
. j am---
First Guest-The man that killed that
thicken was cruel.
Second Guest-Well, he didn't have
much respect for old age.-Chicago
Mysteries of Smlaua..
Oh, gilded youth what are these tricks?
Why speak of money so?
L'nto my hands it ever sticks
What makes you call it dough?
The Modest Maid.
Ddlly-Why - vil you never be able to
look Charlie it the face again?'
M3[aajHe ha~ppefid to see me in the
house with way iathing dress on,-Town
TtI rke Tarua.
Guest (at !'` ne resort)--hat lake
HIotel Proprfor-I've been here only
one season an can't pronounce it -N.
Willing to Oblige.
New Customner-1'll drop in next.week
and pay this bill,
Clerk--I _ uldn't put t ou to that
trouble for the world, sir. I'llJust send.
the goods colt.kc --lJudy.
"When we were first married he
called me his little kitten," wailed Mrs.
Bickers, "and now he calls me a cat."
"But you must remember," replied
the consoling one, "that even little kit
tens grow up to be cats in a compara
tively short space of time."-Detroit
Her Pug Nose.
Nell-You should I ave seen the way
that man stared at me.
Belle (spitefully)--Ie was probably
watching your nose.
Belle-Yes; he's a reporter, and is
supposed to keep his eyes on anything
that turns up.-Spare Moments.
Why He Thought So.
Kilduff--So you believe, with Carne
gie, that to die rich is a disgrace, do
Poindexter-No; I don't. What made
you ask that?
Kilduff-I saw you coming out of a
stock broker's oflice.-Town Topics.
How to Draw Them.
"Did you hear about that New York
woman who gave $100,000 to a man who
rescued her from drowning?"
"'Yes. If there were more women
like that at the seashore they would
never have to deplore a lack of men at
the resorts."-Chicago Times-Herald.
Sunday-school Teacher-Now, chil
dren, what will happen on the Judg
ment day? Willie Walistreet, you may
Wilie Wallstreet-Please, ma'am, the
Lord '11 separate the bulls from the
You call me a lazy lawyer;
And I may be so, until
You give me a Will to work with,
And then I'll work with a will.
HARMONY IN COLORS.
Bragsby-Hello! you look a bit blue
The Major--Yas--painted the town
red last night.-Ally Sloper.
IIE the D)ark.
"Young man," cried the irate parentS
"didn't 1 tell you -to leave when, the
clock struck ten? . Now, light out!"
"The light's been out for some time,"'
faltered the ardent lover.--Chicago
One Strike at Golf.
Good Man-Do you know what be
comes of little boys that use bad words
when they are playing marbles?
Bad Boy-Yep! Dey grows up an'"
plays golf.-Chicago Daily News,
She Did the Courting.
Williamson-Did Jackson court his
wife very long before he married her?
Henderson-He didn't court her at
all. Jackson married a widow.-Ohio
"Your friend has a wonderful mental
"He has," was the weary answer. "He
thinks he owns the earth."-Washing
"Our sewing society met to-day for
the first time in over two months," she
"Aih!" he returned; "another scan.
&A Seeming Contradletton,
ft does seem queer such things should bl
However it is viewed,
The husband that's most shrewd Is he
That never has been shrewd.
_. . Mý ra uFFEI's R.. Us
." EETHINe ee- ,RY our 15k
Se(Teting Polers.) * e*
CAsts alu j5Cuts. Akjour gioaiDr ft irt.** **
C. J. MOEFETT, M. D., St Louis, Mo,
$60.00 PER MONTH:
We desire a limited number of trustworthy, energetl mn in esoh
state. To acceptable parties we will pay a regular salary of SIXTY
DOLLARS per month. All applicants must furnish referenos. This
advertisemehtwill only appeasr in this issue, therefore address at onoe
4. H. CHAMBERS & CO., $t. Louies Mo.
sagl te f Nletrvegsa.s.
Some scientists have climed that
ha the power to soothe the nerves. But .t
quickest way to cure nervousness is to
strengthen the nervous system. We know
of nothini which will accomplish this quick.
er than ostetter's Stomach Bitters. It is
the one medicine that is successful ahovw
all others in the treatment of blood, stomack
and liver diseases. Do not takesa substi
tute. See that a private Revenue Stamp
covers the neck of the bottle.
"Did ye iver notice a mon from St. Louis?"
inquired the janitor philosopher. "Will if
ye didn't it's worth yer whoile. Up th'
boulevard he struts wid hid ilevated. Sud
dinly thor's a big commotion an' he's lift.
ed off his fate by an autPymobile. He picks
himsilf up, goes home an tills his frinds th'
horseliss carriages av Chicago are run by
jackasses; but that th' jackasses are insoide. ,
Oh, he's a bitter lobster."--Chicago Evening
Huntley-."Funny thing, that elopement
of Miss Longwaite and young Snipper." Au
thor-"Elopement? That was an abdue
tion "-Philadelphia North American.
The nest Prescription for Chills
and Fever is a bottle of Gaovs's TATSLLsss
NLn.LTONIC. Itis simplyironandqulninein
atasteless form. No cure--no pay, Price,50c.
Some men are so deficient in the elements
of success that they would never set the
world on fire even if the world were insured
in their favor.-Detroit Journal.
The car conductor's motto is: "Let us
put off till to-morrow the man who cannot
pay to-day."-L. A. W. Bulletin.
I can recommend Piso's Cure for Con
sumption to sufferers from Asthma.-E. D. '
Townsend. Ft. Howard. Wis., May 4, '94.
The people who can't see a joke are not
half so exasperating as those who do see it
but don't think much of it.-Puck.
To Cure a 1old at One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All R
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 950.
Men are never so good or bad as their
Hall's Catarrh Care
Is a Constitutional Cure. Pice, 75e.
There is always an ill-feeling between the
doctor and the patient.--Golden Days.
Ladies Plush Cape
Lined with mercerized silkotine and inter-.sed.
Thibet Fur trimming on collar sad frogs. Length,
This is hut
one of mant
ollustra ed Is
ures of the I. ,
test styles aIs
Write fore copy. Mailed fEre.
State and Madison Streets,
I Chicago, IlL
W.' L. DOUCLAS
$3 & $3.50 SHOES '$'
Worth 84 to $6 compared with.
Indorsed by over
ALL LEATHERS. ALL STYLES
..me sa ve stmrm a s.
Take no' ubstit d
to be sa good. Largestma .
of 0 and S.I a t the:
them-ft not. we wil l
kind of leather, size .and width. plate cap to
W. L DOUGLAtSHOE CO.. Broc.lcfi.rass.
EADUBs Or TsIs ,P ts
sem-Iin0o ,3ro ANYr a.,TnJlt
ADVERTIIDX IT 1 OOLUU$
WHsarTE-n r a50o ura
SHouLED 1NaT UPONxAY3rf J..
saoLl sitrat o obe laegious
To,.is asond too cheapto
reftere Restorer. imeria bottle r ,
t.ee, Dr. B. H. K spLLNiLl. Mt Arob sL.etPb ia...-i
D UCATIONAlh, ir
S. Eda warde s c i :
the Holy Cross. The College is ibeat
tifully situated on the Height.s ther
miles south of Austn, in a healthy.d
picturesque locality. Every faclity is
offered for a thorough Clasical or
Commercial course with Modern k
guages, Music, Shorthand, Typewrit
ing, Drawing and Paintinig as optional
studies, under special resident teach
era. For Catalogue and furthe# per
REV. JOHN T. BOLAND, C. sf C.,
A. N.K..-T ., I
Wau. WNXTINO TO ADrmerT!SU
Passe stat. that yea saw she Aavwrsasr
meas lathbs paper.