Newspaper Page Text
DEVOTED TO THE WELFARE OF MADISON PARISH.
VOL 1. NO. 41 TALLULAH MADISON PARISH LA. SATURDAY. NOVEMBER 23, 1884 TERMS: 8?.0o PER YEAS
.. ---- - - - - --;-- - -- - - - - ----------- ?-.. ... --- -- - -- - .T:_ - .._ - ... .... . . .. . r .... . .... . .. l i llll- Il HEN Nil~ lll I m nun| l _I |
MAYBE YOU DO.
When a pairof red lips are upturned to your
With no one to gossip about it,
Do you pray forendurance to let them alone?
Well. maybe you do--hut 1 doubt it
When a sly little band you're permitted to
With a velvet softness about it,
Do you think you can drop it with never a
Well, maybe you can-but I doubt it.
When a tapering walst is in reach of your arm
With a aondrrfl pi.lumpness about it,
Do you argue the point 'twixt the good and
Well, maybe you do-but I doubt it.
And if by these tricks you should capture a
With a womanly sweetness about it,
Will you guard it. and keep it and act the
Well, maybe you will-but Idoubt it.
FAT AND LIAN.
How W'omen Ca Care Surplus Flesh asd
Tan Mush seraw,iseas.
One of the most important questir.no
now agitating the mind of 8an Francis
cans, particularly the feminine pr.rtion
is how to lose or gain flesh. Unfortun
ately, a peculiarity of our climate is an
extreme one way or the other, a person
becoming too fat or too thin. It is al
most imp; ssible to strike the happy me
diuw, aud even when once struck to keep
it. When a man makes up his mind
that he is growing too large he goes to
work systematically, swathes himself tn
wet bandages, takes long walks, perspires
freely, bathes often, eats no bread and
butter, nor potatoes, noranything dainty
or luscious, drinks nothing but hot wa
ter, and reduces himself at once. Some
of our prominent citizens have reduced
their flesh in this way twenty, thirty, or
even forty pounds, and deserve great
credit for their sacrifices.
Albeit all human history attests:
That happiness for man-the hungry sinnert
aince Bve ate apples, mnue depends on dinner*
Women are not so successful. They
can not dint when they walk, because
walking gives them an abnormal appe
tite ; and they cannot wali when they
diet, because lack of proper food makes
them corrrepondingty weak.
A MOUNTAIr or Fan.
There is one wealthy lady in our city
who weighs upwards of 300 pounds, and
she wants to get thin. She is not able to
walk much, as she is too heavy for her
ankles to endure the strain, but she takes
steam baths three times a week. She
can not lie on the shampoo table to be
rubbed, for she could never get up again.
The attendant is obliged to perform that
office for her standing, and an exhaust
ing job it Is, too. One of her breasts is
as large as an ordinary fat woman's
stomach. sad her arm would match a
good sised leg. The garment in which
she bathes would make a comfortable
night-shirt for Captain Kentsell, and yet
it fits her like a jersey. The bath gives
her such an appetite that she al rays
cones prepared with a lunch ofcticken,
pate de foie gras sandwiches, sa, beer,
enough for four people, but which she
thoroughly enjoy a and nuishles each time,
and yet she expects to get thin.
Now, no woman likes to be called tat.
Fat, accrding to WVeber, meins"fleshly,
plump, cort'lent; abound c .a witi an
oily concrete unbstance." Fleshy, as a
descriptive adjective, is not a. bad.
Plump is just the thin;, and suggests a
Bela somewhat large, and langulshing anad
Yet of a beauty that would drive you orasy.
ew angels are) there is her form 'ts true.
Thinner she might have been, and yet scarve
Yet after all 'twoId punae to say where
It would not spoil some seperate charm to
That is being plu~n. but when it esmn
to "'corlplent,abouding withi an oily,
concrete auhstance," no woman wants to
be spoken of as "that fat lady;" and yet,
what is she to do? Some few have solv
ed the problem. One ofour ?rominent
5socety ladies lot thirty pounds by liv
ingon tea alone for three weeks, and
though she now eats all she wishes, she
has never regained her flesh. Imainre
the strength of her will, anmi let others
emulate her who can. Another wel
known lad) among as has fattened steadi
ly for years on a course of ymnastsica,
dieting and gallons of hot water taken
oiOEI5NW 01 VAT.
Fat eaosits of two embatanes, steari
and elaine, the former of which is solid,
the latter liqnid, at common tempera
tnrea, ad on the diberent proportions of
which its degree of aeonssa.es depeds.
Now, there is a sperastition that very hot
water, takena iatersmaly the frt thing in
the mornins, an hour before meals and
the last thing at ialght, increases the pro
peatine of elise ovestariea,amd a great
qusatity o fat in the stomach sad bow
elsi becoming liquid pnes away; hane
thehot water cre. We don't may that
this afaesid lrady imbibsed the superti
tion with the water, bet she fted over
her increasing se till she was almost
sick. At last she decided to give up the
struggle and be happy. Stange to may,
she is growing thin. She is the fhart in
stance on reaord of a woman who fretted
Very faew ladiaes ofany ise at all, will
tell how much they weigh, and she who
does excites the enmity ofthe rest, for
she is such a "sve away" by comparison
One honest lady, not so lry re leook
ing, coafesed before a umber of frkiends,
to 190 pouuds. The looks directed to
ward her by the others equally well pro
portioned w re simplh urdenous.
Men are almo ta b-d as the weaker
e s tttie respeet. They will acknowl
ad0 0 pauds wtthb a od p ace, b.t
after that it is well they are not under
oath. One handsome six-foot bachelor
(married men don't care so much) varies
from 212 to 213, never more. and yet ha
best friends would call 2.50 a sight guess.
Such is vanity I
Talking of comparisons of weight, how
ever, it is hardly lair tojudge one woman
by another; they carry their fat so dif.
ferently. A woman with fleshy neck,
arms and bust often has smaller extren
ities than her thinner looking -ister. and
weighs less. A too large bu:t is a great
annoyance, hence the practice adopted
by many in bathing in diluted vinegar.
There are many ways to get thin, all
involving more or lees work and annoy
rnce, and coustatt natchfulness t, keep
oil the flesh when once lout. How much
plus.anter it is to !ry to get fat, and yet
how difficult for a thin person to accom
plish. There is no neceasityuto curb the
appetite in this endeavor. On the con
trary, it is given full sway and increased
by every means possible. An indulgence
in palatable things to eat and drink is
permitted and a cultivation of cheerful
fee ings and happy indolence is abso
lutely impeuative, and yet the poor thin
creature gets thinner still, probably, as
one afflicted remarked, from the effort of
carrying around good dinners.
What a sad picture is conjured byv the
expression, a lean womal,. Referring
once more to Webster. lean means
"wanting flesh, meager, not fat; that
part of flesh which consists of muscles
without the fat." Imagine a woman all
lean, meager. To call her thin is not
quite no awful, and yet thin means "'av
ing little thickness or extent from one
surface to the opposite." Picture her
back and chest between your two hands,
and feel her of "little th:ckness." Slim
and slender are better terms. No lady
objects to being called slim, and slender
brings to mind
"A ovely being, scarcely formed or molded."
But it don't do for old maids or shrivei
ed matrons. However, thin women get
the best of fat ones in many ways. They
have such a great advantage in walking
-no weak ankles, shortness of wind.
Then their clothes wear so much longer,
and their figures, with a little filling, are
so much ycunger looking. A thin girl
does not deplore a lank of bust, for it is
so easily supplied. Her greatest anxiety
is about her calves. It she can only cul
tivate a good-sized leg she is happy, and
for this reason she frequents the skating
rink, as skating is splendid for the de
velopment of the legs. One slim lady
confided to a friend that after a season
of the exercise she was obliged to lay in
a new supply of stockings, as her old ones
were far too sumall
WHAT IS O~NDUCIVI TO ,FLME.
To eat supper just before going to bed
is a great aid toward getting fleshy. The
food so taken goes all to fat. A nap af
ter each meal is also conducive to the
same great end, but gentle exercises
should be taken between meals to pro
mote appetite. Large duses of fresh air,
avoidance of envious thoughts. entire
contentment with one's lot in life, one's
children, husband, relatives and friends,
complete self-satiafaction--all are con
dmiave to the same great end. There is
one great advantage derived from the
crase on fat or no tlt. It is a poor nrule
that don't work both ways, and many of
the laws for gaining or losing . esh, are
the sane, and are great health promoters.
The formation of tennis, skating, swim
ming and walking clubs, the patuonising
oi them by both stout and thin alike, is
addine greatly to the health of our wo
men. The role of invalid is no longer
fashionable, and it is considered rathera
reproach to be delicate. .an Francis-
cans are riva.ing Euglish in their pliy
sique and powers of endurance. Small
waists and feet, or rather shoes, are go
ing out of style, and physicians who
make female complaints a specialty are
losing money. Our growing girls are
well developed for their age, and, follow
ing the example of their mothers, are
devoted to all manner of phy ical exer
cises. Pretty girls naturahy, perfect
health will make them beautiful, and
strong enough to stand any amount of
mental culture. What may we not pre
dict for the future of So Francisco,
ruled by the sons of such women, for,
after all, a boy is generally like has
mother. Sac Francisco Alta.
IRANT A\l BEaUCAoliAD.
Trey Ma* aa4 speak as they Pass
Itis a mitake in heroes whenever
they neglectto be six feet in height.
Two men met in the publication office of
a New York magazine, for whic.- both
had aried to write articles. They were
introduced to each other, and I watched
them very interestedly, became they
were General Grant and General Beaure
pard. The visible splendors of war had
departed okom them with their uniforms,
and their civilan coats wereeven glossed
by wear in spots where gold lace once
hadshone. Grant walked heavily with
a cane, never having entirely recovered
from the hur to his hip in a last Christ
m-r night fe on an icy sidewalk. His
hair and whisker had the shapes made
;-milir by his portraits, bat his lownesm
olf attare was deplorable, beasme he was
rather slonchy and At aswell. He look.
ed more like a plain, mattees-Aofbt me
chant than the foremost genesral of a
great war. Baesuregad's head was sl that
could have been deired by ea admier,
-or it had de- white hair, a
a dsb ne anrd im al ofthe ame bha,
sad the outlines oa military modal; but
he needed six inches more of body and
legsin order to inspire any senase of
grandear. Did they fall intoheated an
._lasa as ehampot of once opposed
hosts? Notat atl They did not s
muh as dieue, the struggle calmly.
Their topicl was Grant's lameness, which
he said he did not expect to ever get rid
of, and Besuregard's rheumatism, which
he ascribed to the changeable northern
dimate. Grant invited Beaureard to
call on him, and Beuregard rephied that
he woull be delighted tdodo so--all in
the manner of men who might or might
not mean it. There were only two re
marks which remotely had reference to
"I don't see that yo have changed
much im twenty yeswr," sid Grant.
"'1 have always believed that my m
paignnagdidmes world of od," re
1awdn.i susard.l Y cr%. y e
T REBE'S NO POCKET IN A SHROUE
JOHN A. JOYCR.
You must leave your many mnilitons,.
And the gay and festive crowd.
Though you roll in royal millions
There's no pocket in a shroud.
Whether pauper, prince or peasant,
Whether rich or poor or proud
Remember that there isn't
Any pocket in a shroud.
You'll have all this world of glory.
With a record long and loud,
And a place in song and story,
But no pocket in your shroud.
So be lavish of your riches,
Neither vain, nor cold nor proud,
And you'll gain the golden niches
In a clime without a cloud!
NIANOTH 011O WELLS.
the Great Gushers with a Recor4 of Sli
Thoasaud Barrels a Day.
The two greatest o,il wells ever strucl
in the world are still spouting oceans o
petroleum within thirty miles of this
city. Railroad trains for Butler Count,
are thronged d'aily with visitors to the
flel:l. It is est mated that in the onu
week last no less than 15,000 peoplt
have been to see these Baldridge gushers
Siunce the Christie well was Irought it
this week, with its first day's productiol
of5,300 barrels, and since the Phillip
well was completed last week, with ar
increasing capacity of 4,500 barrels pel
day, interesting comparisons have bee,
in order with other great wells of pasi
years. The Christie well's production o
nearl 6,000 barrels in twenty four hourn
gives her the first place in the history o:
petroleum as the biggest wonder of tlih
oil trade. Her rival, the Phillips well
with its 4,500 barrels every twenty foui
hours, ranks next. Some history about
other big gushers will be interesting a
sona me wnUs.
After the discovery of petroleum ant
the boring of the firs: oil wells in Penn
sylvania, in 1856, the first large strike t(
attract wide spread attention was thi
Hamilton Mc('linitor k well, two miles
north of Oil City. In January 1860, it
started uff at the rate of sixty gallons s
minute. or 2,160 barrels per et ery twent3
four hours. The people were astounded
by such a tremendous flow and so greal
was the volume of greasy stuff that the)
could not get sifficient storage for it and
-nuch of it went to waste. This shame,
ful waste is well illustrated, in the case o
the Cornplanter Oil Company's well or
the Clapp farm, in Venango county, onu
year later. It uas by no means a larg
well, but 100 barrels were filled in the
first sixteen hours and the waste filled s
pond twenty Ave square rods in extent
But it was in September of 1861 thai
the most intense excitement was creates
all over the country by immense wells
Oil Creek developments in Venangc
County had progressed as far as the Tars
farm, without doubt the most prolifi
piece of territory ever discovered. All ai
once the Dom Pedro or Phillips well
do. 2, strck oil at the depth of 1,000 ft
A perfect geyser spouted forth. In thi
tirst twenty four hours s.e vomited foul
thousand barrels and kept that rate au
or quite a long period. The exciteateni
knew no bounds. Tuousands of specula
tore who had at first held aloof nou
rushed in on the infant petroleum indun
try. A few days later this excitement
was greatly augmented by another hugt
In close proximity to the Phillips wel
toe Empire well was finished, with a
daily production of 2,500 barrels. Ar
extract from a newspaper published if
the oil regions in 1861 reads: "So muck
oil is now produced it is impomsible th
care for it, and tlousaands of barrels ar
running into Oil Creek. The surface o
the Allegheny River is covered with oi
for mles below Franklin. Some wclli
ste being plugged to save production
Fears' are being entertained tbhat th
suppy will msoon be exhausted if some
thng is not done to prevent the waste
Our waterways and farnms are saturatec
so deep with the smuplus o; this danger
ous fltid that vast hfires are also to be
oGREAT roRTUNm IN OIL
In January of 1868 the Noble anrd
Delamater well on the Farrel farm, ot
Oil Creek, started off at the rate of 3,00(
barrels. As a result the taldwell well
near it, decreased one-half in prcductios
The Delamaters bought and pluged ii
so that their well's flow would not be
interfared with, payng $17?6,000 for it
Up to August d, they had sold froi
their great gusher 118000 barrels of oi
for 54,000, and the market rate was
still$S0perbarreL In August ofthe
ame year the Maple Shade well w's
started at 1,000 barrels a day. In Muc,
of the following year it was burned, witi
,000 barrels of odl. In February, 184lt
the Noble and Delamater well, abovi
alluded to, was sold for $690,000. Up tc
that timeit had produced 308,473 btrrel
which at $8 0 per barrel-lsa than the
average price -would amount to $1,082,
1658. Ilustratingthe qmuk decline of oil
lelda, we find that on November 18
1865,-the entire production of the Tar.
ra wells had dwindled down to 700 o.
1,000 barrels per day.
iN as PIOrraoI nasMm er.
From 1865 to 1872 operations in the
Pithole district oecupied the attention oi
people. One of the largest producers is
that section was the McIlughlin well
which flowed at the rate of 1,500 barrela
Subsequently two wells with the same
production were brought in on the Mod
oe field. The Hunters and Cumming
well near St. Joe, in Butler County, wa,
brought in November, 1874, with 1wO
brrel per day. The lady Hmater well
near it, siso did 1,200 bmrrels. The eele
brated Ballion well, that snwed suc
speculative excitement in 1876, was onl,
a small producer thirteen to twent]
barrels an hour-but it opened up vas
territory, then new.
By agtation it w aterward Ierras
ed to 1,000 baue per day. In Ju-
1877, the drill in the Bullion regior:
brought to light the "Big lnjmn" WVell
with 3,500 barrels per day. It ceased
flawing on the 29th of the same month
but arter being torpedoed went off acain
at 1,000 barrels. The Cherry Grove ex.
citement of 1882 is well remenmbetred
Its two greatest wells were the Murphy
No. 2, rated at 3,4681 barrels per day, and
the famous Mystery Well, "No. 646,'
which was generally accredited with a
1,000 barrel grit.
The size of all these wonderful wells
can better be comprehended when one
remembers that the average size of oil
wells ts from 20 to300 barrels a day only
Pittsburg Cor. Philadelphia Times.
Light-headed : The blonde.
Lost at ('-The hoarse soprano's notes.
"Good-morning, Murphy. Are those
your children ?" "Yis, sor; that is my
small potato crop." "Why do you sa,
that?" 'Because, sor. 'hey 'are all little
"There is nothing inpossible t tthe
determine, spirit," says a philosopher
Evidently that philEosopher never tried
to reach up behindl his shoulder to get
hold of the end of a broken suspender.
A little liov's grief upon being refused
periruiisioi to attend a circus, was in pall
assuaged by the assurance from hi,
mother that if he would dry his tears lie
micht go and tee his father have a tooth
A gentleman who was dininu with a
young nmarried cuple in Kansas, asked,
rather abruptly. "Ever lad a cyclone
here?" The yaunc pe•ple looked guilt.
ily at acih other, blushed and changed
The cold wave from the North comes down,
It's bracing andjt's nice :
But goodness sakes alive : It makes
A girl's nose cold as ice.
"What is ,,ur; name?" asked Judge
Powers. "D , ly Tiin le." "Where dc
you re-ile ?" The witness giurgled and
replied : "What's the use of me telling
you where I live ? You woullsn't call on
me, ainyhow, would you, Judge '"
"Yon fairly worship the ground that
girl walks on, Billy," said Jack, "and I
can't see why. She's as cold as a block
of ice." "I kneow she is," returned Bil.
ly; "but it's such jolly hun to go up three
times a week and thaw her."
"How beautiful those two o!d people
look, sitting together at the fireside!'
exclaime", a sentimental young lady:
"I wonder what they are talking about ?'
"Probably fighting their battles o'ei
again." replied her matter-of-fact comr
Young lady (in the drawing-room):
"Just listen ! I can hear the gentlemeii
laughing. I helieve they tell all theii
good stories directly we're out of the
dining-room." Experienced and rath
er severe matron. "Good stories, dear'
N,--'good' is not the word."
A minister having preached the same
discourse to his people three times, one
of his constant hearers, who ";as a mem.
ber of the Legislature, said to him after
service: "Doctor, the serroo you gave
us this morni,-g having had three sever
al reading,, I move that it now be pass
How very neatly-a child may some
times get out of a scrape is shown by
the story of a little nephew who had tc
be the guest of his aunt, and who, or
being asked at dinner if he had not
been helping himself secrelly to jam
said quietly : "Please, auntie, pa nevei
'lows me to talk at meals."
O-ca Wi'ile has invented a new hat
It -x .ands or contracts with the head
according as the spirit moves. The
brim is full, it has a muffled bxill aned
tie band is not loud. It is specially
adapted for night wear, and will containl
a moderate suplply of bricks, thereby
comm. nding itself to the Masonic frater
Miss Rosebud: "Do you know, Mr
Pallette, I never knee tbsefore to-day thai
you anl I were from the same State
Delaware?" Pallette; "'ame State
Miss Roseahd ? Why, I am a New En
gllnder. I live in Massachusetts.'
Miss Rosebud: "Then, why do you al
ways rut 'Del' after your name in yvow
"My dlear, look down below," said he
as he'stood on Brooklyn Bridge with hi,
wife gazing at a tug haulng a long line
of birces. "',ch ms life the tug is lika
a man working andl toiling, while the
barges, like women, are-" "J know,'
interrupted she, ..cridly; "the tng doe:
all the blowine, amd the barges bear the
"Are there any mitigating cireuml
stance in the case of the man who is go
ingto be hung to-morrow?" asked a
stranger of the lawyer ofthe accused
"Yee. You see he is an unmarried man,
How easyv it would have been for him to
have brought a wife and enildren intc
misery and distress, if he had not had
consideration for them by refusing tc
"What a.'e you doing, Mary ?" asked a
Staten Island husband, addressin
his wife. "I anm sewing on a crass
quilt," she reolied. "Are there any but
tons on it?" "No." "I thought not," he
said, "it wouldn't be like vou to be sew
ine on anything that needed tuttons,'
uand, drawing a deep sigh, he proceeded
to fasten his suspenders with a hat
A lIT WITH A TICK TO IT.
att Sseeosealy Cas tor a Odgeeso -
hawrper o 1e Ls bbles.
A peIainent poltleianof Yale wasnestl
dame up this summer by asahmrp game. ap
penmltang to be in ahotel lI~ly he heardnl cm
gstlsem sy to anothe: "Pll bet you te
dolarI lean nametweaty 8tartes that wil
go Demoeratle this fall." The man hams
d aoely oeemtd tUs bet and the names wn
d~eived tohim In a sealed envelope, while
he was not to open for a few minutes. .
little while after the same man, being in
bragging mood, aid that he eould "name sh
mere States that would go the same way.'
Men ealled him crazy and some went out it
look for a oi Inthe meantime be pn
ed out hisl book and ojered to Ixwk u
his stement to the amount of twenty-lvy
dollars. Our eollee polticIn, standing b
ered tobet him it dollas The m
e aoll espte d sd e down the name
of the shi beet Democratic State in ths
Then Utee was nraly some curIasit
to e what the other twent names were
andthe envelope was pemd when it wa
..... s a., .4 been ay
rdeaete~r t, s Lrrprrt
0 mly pretty little IIres,
In your Mother Hubbard dress,
You are lovely and enticinia-yes, bewitching,
IRut much to my surprise,
Fir I scar,' believe my eyes.
Inside that Mother Huhbbard l ou havte tiowed,
five oyster ples.
Yet with pleaurne, it I can.
While you twirl your dainty fanl
I ie!l cash the chebck present d by the smiling
Ilut I think 'lis only fair
I should worn you to take care.
l"or when he pays the d. etor's bill I know
your dad will swear!
NAVINII (IulACI' IN MONTANA.
Iawon's i(uleh Ileterminedl to Dlown
Rocky Bar onl Salvatlon.
'The other day a St. Pautl uitnii.ter an
swerted a rinti atJis doour-tiil and found
there a brawy frontiersman, weating a
tuckskin suit and a white Mexican sorl
brero. tie was invited into the study
and after seating ihimself said:
"'P,,rner, I'm tryin' to ctse ul a -ky
!tilit to ladle out the savin" grace to the
l,oys in H'twson's Gulch, Monta:uny. The
',arkceper down to, the Mlerchants' hotel
told tme you slung ahlsut the heftiest
jaw in the holy I ne in St. Paul an' I
thought I'd drop in an' size you up."
"If I understand you, sir, you dce-ire
to secure a pastor for your church out
'That's o':r little game exactly, lard,
and the boyvi have constituted mne an
executive committee to comlie in yar
an' run one down. We want the best
heavenly monthpiece in the country an'
we've got the dust to Iout up fur 'im."
"Who was your last pastor?" asked the
"Never had one. You see, the boys
out thar never stood in much on the
religious racket, but we're agoin' to bank
big on savin' grace in the luture,an' play
'er clear up to the limit. Glad tidin's o'
great joy's the winnin' card at Rawson's
from now henceforth an' forever more,
pardner, an' don't you forgit it !"
*'You say you never had a minister?
What then has caused this sudden awak
ening-this new desire for light?"
"I'll tell you, pard, it's just like this.
rhar's a big rivalry atween Rawson's
Gulch an' Rocky Bar, about five miles
furder up the creek. The two camps
ht "- bin fightin' fur the lead fur a year
an' ailers downed 'em on every
p'int. .a' week one o' the hboys went
up thar an' cum back an' reported that
the Rocky fellers had a pireacheran' that
.alvation were a runnin' loose in the
camp an' amazin' erace war growin' on
the bushes. He said he heard the holy
bloke preachify 'imself. an' that he dash
ed up the livin' word like a ten times
winner. Wal, that sort o' paralyzed us,
so to speak, an' we called a meetin' to
see what war' to be done. At first it
war' perposed to go up thar of a Sunday
an' clean out the congregation an' hang
the preacher, but we wa'n't quite sure
of the fightin' abilities o' the meek and
Ilaly worshippers up thar an' inout get
lilt ed, so it war finally decided to tree
a cospel sharp an' that's what I'm yar
fur .ow. The boys'll treat you white,
ipardner. an' if you kin do upthe Rocky
liar c.lper in the heavenly game an'
tput it aill over'tm a soundin' the glad
ti'tin'i ver forine's made. I like the
colt o' ver jib, pard. an' I b'leve you'd
shout salvation at us in a way that',l
wake the Rocly Bar galoots pow'fuil
"What denomination is in tl:e major
ity out there?"
"None at ail. You kiht play yer cards
ter suit verself an' come at us jest as
you think the hand orter he Ilayed.
But say, pard. I reckon I wouldn't ever
give the boys a Baptist lay out to play
"1 hy not?"
"Wal. ver see, we aint mucht stuckr on
water out thlar only from a bsttness pint
'o view. Watter's all good enough an'
mighty valvable fur washmn' out dust,
inHt aside from that 'taint muclh accounlt.
Still, if that's yer lay, pardner, come
right along. We'll take turnes an' keep
you batiznm' half the time, just to down
theIm Rocky fellers. 'Thhar's a gang o'
twenty Chinamen workin' a placer claim
below us, an' we kin run them up an'
let von souse the hull mob two or three
times a we~k, it'll make the Rocky crowd
think the good work's a movin' right
The minister was forced to decline the
call, and the old man Jaid ti he rtIse t,
"All right, pardner; no harm done.
I'll keep up the hunt till I tree my man.
We'll dlown Rocky Bar on salvation if
it's in the pins. Good day, sir, an' if
you ever come out our way stop oil an
give us a little wad o' offhand redeemin'
grace, an' we'll treat you squar.' Good
bye." St. Paul Herald.
A Taflwr's Dhmumder.
Whether a man wanting a ler is more
to be pitied than a man wanting brains,
is a question which received a striking
illustration one evening in the clh'pasic
shades of Baxter Strf;eet. It was pushing
on to a late hour, when the sellers of old
clothes on both sides of the way eagerly
importuned pasers-by to inspect the
bargains which wete offered. Tte ordi
narycitizen5 accustomed to the noise
and yells, hurried on and said nothing.
The countnryman paueId at many stalls
now and again, examined the wares, and
departed without buying, a chorus of
blessings following him until he was out
of sighl. The turn ofJoe Edwards came,
anmtl a hle hobbled along with two heavy
crutchues it was quietly noted that he
meant business. Joe had only one leg,
and of this he was proud. For its part
ner, which m times of war had deserted
him, he didn't feel much troubled; his
whole anxiety now was to clothe the
integral member in the most approved
"Show me a trousers,' he said, as he
viewed the dock of cast-offs which erns
mented the sidewalk.
".1 pair of trou-er-, sir? Certainlv,
sir," ai.d tlh" man of cloith brushed eager
- Nt a ,air of triusers. inut a trouser,"
-h tiite .h1w. a little a=itrv.
"" )Ii, I ..," sil the ttiher, andl he ca-t
: crittial .lance at the one left l1'. "I
think I'll -nit you."
.\ll the clothing in the concern was
,ov.rhauhld. Every size and quality of
trousrs r,-re foundi, but all were defect
ive. ThIv were of the ;tatitliatedl twia
lea,.,,d pattern. A neithlbsr who saw
this lhurried into his shop and lIppedl off
a lei of the first pair he picked up.
(' lthijer nuitler one hked l perllt hx
"I gue s I'll go," remarked .Ie ; "you
'can't suit 1il4.."
"I'll make it all right for you," ',ut in
the know ingl one whoi, had just jplied his
.1oe then entered tit-- secondl store.
"Try this," said the seller, ini the pleas
antes: ',f tones.
"There is s ne s-ense iin that." said
Joe, as he handled thle oae-legged gar
ment and got belhind the screen. Sud
denly lie emerged with a roar that drew
a crowd around. "Illi, there, you son of
a gun !" he thniderdl, "what's this here
huil'ness, ant howl?"
.."orne to suit, ain't it?" c Olly resjmnd
ed the owner.
'~netling to suit! Why, you darn
ed fool, don't you see it's the right leg I
have and that is the very one you've cut
aray ! What do you take mae for, man?"
Tten thelie was lo'ii laticater in the
street, and the clothier began to swear.
N. Y. tClothier.
THE MOfIN'S VELOCITIY.
How swiftly the Osb of Night Performs
"We can faintly picture, lprhaps,"
says a writer in the Century, "how it
would seem from a station near the or
bit to see the moon (a moving worldl)
rush by with a velocity greater than that
of the cannon ball in its swiftest flight;
but with equal speed its shadow actually
travels along the earth, and now if we
retrni fron our imaginary station to a
real one hete below, we are better pre
pared to see why this flying shadow is
a unique spectacle, for, small as it may
be when seen in relation to the whole
lo,iH, it is immense to the observer,
whose entire ihorizon is filled with it,
and who sees the actual velocity of one
of the heavenly bo;lies, as it were,
brought dorn to him.
"The rea ter who has ever aseendeid
to the $Snperga in Turin will reenul the
magnitiv'ent view and be able to under
st·-nd the ,,,,il fortune of an observer
(1':,r.est r hoonce had the oportunity to
witna.es- thence' this phenomenon, and
Ii)d;,r u nearly cloudless sky. 'I per
ceivd ,' lie say, 'in the south west a
black sadow like that of a stjrm about
to break, whichl ooburcd the Alps. It was
the lunar shadow cowiing toward us.'
Antl he speak- of the '`tupefaction'-1t Is
his wo'-d-caused by the spectacle. 'I
c'Onfkse,' lie continuei, 'it wes the most
terrifying sight I ever saw. As always
happens in the cases of sudden, silent,
unexpected movements, the spectator
confounds real and relative motion. I
felt almost eiddy fora moment, as though
the massive building under me bowed
on the side of the coming eclipse.' An
other witness, who had been looking at
some bright clouds just before me, says:
'a he bright cloud I saw distinctly put
out like a candle. The rapidity of the
shadow and the intensity prodlue.:d a
'celine that something material wa."
sweeling over the earth at a sliee l"er
hectlh frightful. I involuntarily listened
for the rushing noise of a migh;y wind."
The ratafl Mgp.
The legislator who introduces a dog
law is doomed. No matter how well he
may start out, nor what prestige he may
have, the simple act of submitting a dog
law bill encloses in a black-bordered en
vlope hi' chances of future political
success. The man who lives in the val
ley, andi the mana whose lot domnicile
ciowns the suanitait of the hill, don't
wait a: dog law. They regard the dog as
a free born American citizen. ('hildren
are of minor importance. The dog is es
seatial. Itf a man weretointroduce a
bill in the Arkansaw legislature
provilliag that every boy above a
certai., arte muit "Wear a brasst collar, with
a tax r ceipt engraved thereon, the sov
erigns of the hill and vale woull pay no
adlverse attention to the actiola, Ibut let
lhim attempt to restrict the liberties of
the doe unn something will drop. That
sometlaing will he h;s own slilitical head
in the barket. For young politicians, the
framning of a dog law .pos.esses a strange
fascination. It seems to present such an
opportunity of display It is easy to
write, for such words as "protect the lit
tle amb,," and "take care of the moth
erlv ewe," fit in so comfortably.
Some time ago one of the most learned
men in the state announced himself a
candidate for governor. He seemed to
have no opposati n. for his ability met
with universal recognition. Just before
the election was held, some one discov
ered that a man with a similar name had
once drawn up dog law articles. It was
fatal to the canlidate. The people de
clared that if a man of the same name
committed an action so disreputable,
what might they not expect flirm anoth
er man of doubtless the same gt nealogi
cal tree. 'theyv defeated him anl t<-day
he stands, wrapped in a tatered cioak,
sllinug ginger cakes and cider to the htr
Aht, young legislator, ye who woldl
stick a lighted match into tile ruffled
bh,,rn ol the Arkaesaw river and shout
a- the Salke and flame ascendl, ldota't
'"moakey" with the dI law. ,omte one
who seems oIn be our friertl imay witht
solt words whisp . ;ts expedienc'y, but
lte is a hoo ed e.. is discuise and
carries a pionged tail. Tell him to get
behind halsel;,Matan. Arkansaw Tray
Mrs. John W. Mackay is accustomed to
receiving begging letters of various de
Cse iptions, but the funniest one is a request
for any diamondts or rubles for which she
ha,- no further use, the beggar desiring
I the tm r hebr daughter's troemma.
Oddities of lfe Noted by Operators of
Pollee Telegalph Wiares.
Tel.:graph operators at police head
quarters find much anusement in no
ticing the ignolanco of some of the police
whose duty it is to send the message
from the station to which they are at
tached. A few of the many messages, as
actually receiv ed, are here given:
"A baby carriage was stolen this after
noon Iy an unknown man with black
leather top and paintedi red, from the
front yard of the residence of Mr. -
No. - Pierrepont Street."
".Mrs. - of - Flushing Avenue, losnt
two roo'ters this evening." This was so
absurd that the olpeator sent back the
following dispatch : "What is a rooster?"
and the answer came back: "A foul."
''James Ward hurt his hit by having it
coght between the hot and bridge, at
Fulton Ferry this inornin:." The bIad
spelling somewhat distusted the opera
tor who replied: "Who male the ab
ireviations?" This message was answer
ed in about half an hour later by:
"s-nt to the ferry-house and was tohl
Mr. Abbreviation was not in."
"'Charles -, of No. - Fifth Street,
fell on Fulton Street this p. ni., and re
ceived a scalp wound on his head."
'Sure it wasn't on his foot?" asked the
operator of the sender.
"Patric-, fell this a. nº., from the
second-story window of his residence,
No. - Baltic Street. He struck the
Savenment with his head, and received
a severe sprain to his left ancle." "Pat
rick is a noble fellow. Well done
Patrick;" replied the operator over the
wire to the sergeant who sent tho absurd
Another message runs as follows: "A
ded kat lays in iront of No. -, Menth
Street. Paease see that it moves to
onct." In acase like this the operator
sends back word that he has sent word
to the sausage factory.
"A hay white horse with spots on the
black hair strayed away from the stable
of Mr. - this afternoon." Shortly
thereafter another message in relation
to the horse was received as follows:
"That horse is not a white bay horse
it is a mare."
"William - shot and fatally wound
his wife during a quarrel at their resi
dence, No. - Myrtle Avenue. The
wound is fatal. She will probably die."
This message came from the South
Broo lyn Precinct:
-'Philip -- of Forty-eighth Street,
New York, was arrested this afternoon
by an officer for carrying a dead deer
through the streets in a bag, which had
died, and he intended to sell it for
"The dead body of a drowned man
was found this morning at the foot of
"John - died last night at his resi
dence, -, withut the care of a doe
Not only do messages like the above
come over the wires, but entries like
them may be frequently seen in the daily
reports of the various police captains in
this city. Brooklyn Eagle.
Mined Farmu s g amn e lrngery.
One of the charms of farm life is that
it always gives something to do, and an
other is tbst it give3 great variety. To
be occupied is our life an I variety is the
spice of it. It is a serious indictment
against some occupations that. although
they cultivate the powers to a high de
gree in one direction, they leave the man
ili an endless rut.
It is possible that a district of country
may be necesearily confined to one crop
for profit-as the Red River Valley for
wheat -but it is unfortunate. It was an
unfortunate condition of Ireland when
the leople only raised potatoes. The
terrible famine of 1846 tauu.ht them
more respect for nixed farming.
Some years ago I heard-not in a
faraners' club-the questio,, discussed,
"How to farm it with the least labor,"
and it was agreed that producing hay
and selling it gives the most leisure.
One of h'lie disputats claimed that he
could sit in a bar-aoom more than half
I know a district of country where the
style ot farming gives opportunity for
more leisure than that, if the farmers
should wish it-which they do not. It
is in a fine grasing district. The farm
ers buy cattle in May, and pat them in
lpasture, and by October they are fat and
go to the butchers in the large villiages
not far off. The farmers only have to
salt ther cattle. But they are sfareoagh
from thinking mixed faraing to be
Ther is no land in this partof the
country -if there is anywhere in the
world-that an be kept in perpetnal
fertility by tillage. Or soil. are easily
exhbusted, and we must apply esnure,
and have a rotation of crops. The gras
crop is the most valabse, not only feer
the uniform income which it gives, but
for the manure which results. And for
the best crops of gras we are obliged to
cultivate and reseed. Country Gentle'
Witheuws 3msw 3g 3Mde is 3er.
Living in North Beaver township, this
county, is a man named Wilson, who
ha.. a little daughter aged two years and
which was born without ears. On one
side of the face there was no sign of an
outward ear, the side being perfectly
smooth, while on the other side there
was a hlittle cartlage. hut it had grown
over the canal. 'lhe other organs of the
chill were perft ct, with the exception of
the jaw, which was :adllv shanpe. On
Sunlay the pihsicians perfirned the
dlifficult operation of making an opening,
and found a perfect inner ear by cutt'ng
through the integument to the hony
op'ning into t:he inner ear. They then
t1rmned as perfe"t an g:ater ear as ',5,s;
ble from the flesh anil the little one is
able to heat perlecl. NewCuastle(Pa,)